Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Playoffs Round Two: Dirt Bursters Bury Knights

In semifinal action last night, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters advanced to the championship round with a victory over the Fly-by Knights, with a final score of 3-1.

The first half gave the impression of a high-scoring affair, With two touchdowns scored by the Dirt Bursters and one for the Knights. Ghouls Chompsalot and No-Guts Bob had the scores for the undead, while Flash Madison, in a departure from his usual role as the subtle boot of justice, had a touchdown for the human squad. The second half was far less wide-open, and the Knights' first drive was stifled in a giant pile-up. A blown pass attempt resulting in a turnover gave the Dirt Bursters the opportunity they needed to strike again, and Chompsalot put the game away for good with his second score of the night.

The match's MVPs were Mummy Magut of the Dirt Bursters, who registered a trio of casualties (none of which were serious) and lineman Abraham Sandwich of the Knights, who gained his third MVP vote and marking him as possibly the most famed and admired player to ever do not much of anything. Other notable plays involved No-Guts Bob dying when trying to run that extra yard, but remembering at the last second that he was already quite dead and should probably just get up and keep going; Reginald Reginald III of the Knights suffering a crippling injury but coming out of the surgery room right as rain; Lez White being unceremoniously dumped into the stands and carted off to who-knows-where; Flash Madison not getting caught by the refs on a record six consecutive foul attempts; and the the Dirt Bursters' hired wizard getting completely hammered and forgetting about casting a spell at all.

The Knights wish their opponents well, and are looking forward to next season's meeting, since they closed out their season by signing one Barglesnart Livingstone, who may be the only ogre to be knighted. The circumstances of this title are as yet unknown. The Dirt Bursters, meanwhile, cleaned up well with their victory and are now considering the hiring of a fourth Ghoul and another linechump...that is to say, a zombie or skeleton.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Playoffs Round One: Orcs Fall, Cannot Get Up.

The preliminary round of the 2007 Autumn season of the MMBBL has come to pass, and if there's one word to use to describe the playoff outlook, it would not be "green". Both the Meathooks and the Bumlookers have been eliminated; the former by their opponents, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and the latter via default.

The Dirt Bursters beat the Meathooks by a score of 2 to 0, with Stumps O'Boggy getting the undead MVP nod for his strong blocking.The two mummies, Magut and Khermit, were also valuable forces on the pitch. Grunt Skunchman, the Meathooks' new black orc, impressed the crowds today with his first MVP vote. The Meathooks may be down, but they certainly aren't out, and they look forward to the new season beginning in January.

The Low Blows will advance to the semifinals due to scheduling problems which resulted in the Greenskin Bumlookers failing to show for their match. It has since been learned that they have defected to the obscure "Blood Bowl in Hedonism" league, due to such exclusive perks as mandatory pantless tournaments and free oil rubs. They may be seen in the future in inter-league play, and they will be missed by everyone, except possibly embarrassed announcers trying desperately to remain family-friendly during prime time.

And now, on to the semifinal matches! Tomorrow, The Lowblows play the Goldminers, and the Dirt Bursters play the Knights! Expect carnage, excitement, and a wizard or two if they can sneak past security!