The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters met the Smash and Go'nads this Tuesday, in the culmination of the Summer season and the entire MMBBL year - The Blood Bowl. The struggle was mighty, the competition fierce. The two most deserving squads in the MMBBL met to decide its reigning champion. Undead clashed with dwarf, and in the end, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters maintained their legacy as the league's premier team.
Winning the coin toss, the Dirt Bursters opted to receive first. Fans from both sides roared with challenge, the sun gazed down approvingly, and the game was underway. The loudness of the undead fans overtook the rowdiness of the dwarves as the kick landed, and the explosive Chompsalot recovered the ball as the undead line tore into the dwarven defenders. Regrouping, the dwarves refused to give so much as an inch without the greatest of efforts. Answering the challenge, the Dirt Bursters offensive line left no avenues for the Go'nads to penetrate and harass Chompsalot. It seemed there might be a full stop to the undead run as Stumps O'Boggy was knocked out by Holden McGroin...but then through the narrowest of gaps burst Chompsalot, with wights and zombies sealing the breach behind him. Chompsalot was off like a shot, and by the end of the first quarter it was 1-0 Dirt Bursters.
Looking to retaliate with a score of their own, the Smash and Go'nads lined up and set for the attack. Unfortunately for them, they couldn't pick up the surprise blitz from the undead in time, and paying the price early on was troll slayer Euin Whatarmy. Suffering near-fatal chest decompression at the gangrenous hands of Chunk Norton, Whatarmy managed to escape death with the less-serious (but still crippling) disfigurement of his ribcage. Meanwhile, Chompsalot made a surge through the dwarf offensive line, attempting to leap over the nearest Go'nad to chase down the ball. He picked the wrong dwarf to vault over, though. No one is entirely sure what Gil T. Azell uses to maintain his massive mohawk's shape, but it was enough to knock the wind out of Chompsalot as he slammed gut-first into the impressive hairdo. Still, the ghouls kept charging forward, and Ned Gummers laid a blitz into Dick Gozinia after the dwarf runner picked up the ball. unphased by the attack, Gozinia deftly shoveled a pass to fellow runner Adam Meway, who began to tear up the middle into protective cover. Again, a ghoul came by to cause havoc, and this time Bahnaynay laid a hit into Meway, only to see the wily dwarf return the favour from Dick Gozinia, tossing the ball back to safety.
Time was running short for the dwarves, but likewise for some of the undead as well. Hats off to Tinny, the plucky thrall-turned-zombie, for going toe-to-toe with Cludge Slamboni's custom deathroller and coming out of the ordeal no more or less dead than he started. Still, Slamboni's crowd-clearing presence opened a gap, and Dick Gozinia had a brief chance to unload a pass and perhaps tie the game. The toss was perfect, but out of the melee rose Bahnaynay, who hauled the throw in with one hand, denying the dwarves with his timely interception. Bahnaynay maintained possession until the whistle sounded, and the score at halftime remained one to nothing, the Dirt Bursters clinging to their precarious lead.
The second half kickoff showed more incredible defensive play from the Dirt Bursters, as they were able to reorganize themselves to counter the Go'nads' attack plan from the get-go. Dick Gozinia retrieved the football, but Ned Gummers was already on top of him once again. Alertness being Gozinia's stock in trade, he expertly dumped off a pass the Adam Meway who maneuvered upfield. These two dwarves certainly knew how to maintain possession. Finally, Chompsalot found a stop to the dwarf passing when he blitzed Adam Meway, whose lateral to Gozinia was off-target. Meway fought his way back to it, though, and recovered the ball again for the dwarves.
Now looking to hurl the ball upfield, Meway was foiled yet again, and the moans of the dwarven fans said it best. From the sidelines came Bubtunk Bagrot, the new ghoul in town, who pulled down the pass and with it, the Smash and Go'nads' hopes. Just as all seemed lost, however, Bagrot took a spill trying to get away from coverage, and the ball was fumbled loose! Yet again, Adam Meway pounced on the loose ball and the dwarf forces regrouped. Another hit came on Meway, but his pass to Dick Gozinia was true this time. The dwarves stubbornly pushed up the field, inch by inch. The undead needed a big stop to put this game away.
The stops began to materialize and the Dirt Bursters rallied as a surge spearheaded by Lez White took shape. White crashed headlong into Adam Meway, nearly taking the dwarf's head clean off with the force of the blow. After several moments of great concern, Meway finally awoke, spitting up blood and and his breakfast beer. Though unable to continue playing, all were relieved that he would live to play another day.
Seeking an exit from the crush of bodies, Dick Gozinia blitzed his way out of a tight spot, only to catch his foot on a rock and crash into the turf, losing his hold on the ball. Lez White moved in to gather up the prize, but couldn't get a good handle on it. Still too many dwarves were on the field to reliably escape from coverage, but the Dirt Bursters' twin towers of terror would change that in short order. First, Khermit picked up Achilles Punks by the beard and hurled him into a sideline post where the line dwarf slumped, unmoving except for the occasional groan. Then Magut echoed his teammate's sentiments, bringing his knee up on blitzer Moe Lester and leaving the dwarf in a puddle of his own blood and sweat.
Still, the dwarves fought on, giving no easy path to the football, and Ned Gummers was unable to pick it up. A loud horn sounded, and a burst of steam signaled the arrival of Cludge Slamboni's deathroller, who neatly plowed No Guts Bob into a heap, again dislodging the ball from where it lay. It disappeared into the sea of bodies, and then emerged again, held aloft by none other than Chunk Norton. Norton attempted a pass downfield, but fumbled when he arm unhinged on the pump fake. His job was done, though, as time continued to wind down. In a final burst of maliciousness, Khermit drove Drew Peacock three feet into the softened pitch with a great overhand smash, nearly collapsing the dwarf's entire spinal column. Fortunately a splint was applied as they hauled him off the field, and Peacock would live to play another day.
With that, time expired, and the last whistle blew. As close a battle as any yet witnessed in the MMBBL's brief history was over, and the Dirt Bursters had carried the day, with a final score of 1-0. Favoured from the beginning, the undead delivered to their fans. Underdogs from the start, the stalwart Smash and Go'nads have nothing to be ashamed of. Both teams left it all out on the field, mingled with a great deal of teeth, blood, and scraps of uniform.
In addition to the great prestige of playing in the Blood Bowl Championship, an honour shared by all who participated, Game MVP awards were presented to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters, presumably for recognition of his play for BOTH squads this season, and to Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, who showed remarkable motivation and speed for someone carrying around fourty pounds of beard.
And there you have it, sportsfiends. A fourth championship for the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and perhaps their toughest win yet. To the relief of many other teams, the Dirt Bursters announced after their victory that they would be departing for other tournaments across the globe, spreading the MMBBL's name as ambassadors of our sport. Joining them on this tour will be the highly-regarded Meathooks, led by their veteran captain Beef Bigaxe and golden goblin Hammish.
Thanks for tuning in, folks! The MMBBL Commissioner's Office thanks its coach wrangler, its owners, its coaches and officials, its players living, dead and at points in between, and of course its legions of fans. And be watchful, for another great season is on the horizon as we speak...
Showing posts with label Dwarf Passing Plays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dwarf Passing Plays. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Dirt Bursters Take Out Takedown
With one of the four quarter-final matches in the books, we bring you contest number two - the returning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters versus newcomers the Traumatic Takedown. it's easy to guess who the favourite was in this one, but don't for a second think that the chaos dwarves, centaurs and hobgoblins of the Takedown might simply have rolled over. They once again bulked up their line for this match, bringing in favourites like Morg N'Thorg and Zzharg Madeye to add some punch and pizazz. The weather was fine, the fans were roaring, and the first kickoff went to the Dirt Bursters.
The kick sailed high and slow enough for ghoul runner Chompsalot to get under the ball and catch it smartly. With that, the undead squad members set about their respective tasks, starting with Lez White the Wight. Whether for the intimidation factor or simply for the love of it, Lez crashed forward into a hapless journeyman hobgoblin, caving in the latter's skull and gorging himself on the soft, chewy center. Not to be outdone by his little buddy, Magut the mummy brought his wrath to bear on line dwarf Buster Kneecaps, though with less permanent results, only putting Kneecaps out for the rest of the game. With the ghoul rush in full swing, the Takedown looked to Morg N'Thorg for inspiration, as the star ogre used his superior size to knock out the plucky Lanks McBreak. The battle of attrition would be won by the Dirt Bursters, though, as the other mummy terror, Khermit, leveled Charlie Horse to the pitch, leaving medical staff to cart him away to heal in the off season. With the defense already dwindling, Chompsalot had no true obstacles to his first score of the game. 1-0 Dirt Bursters, with the crowd going wild.
Undermanned but hoping still to spring back, the Traumatic Takedown lined up to receive. The undead kickoff was exceptional, however, and Perry Carditis, the Takedown's hobgoblin quarterback, had a devil of a time getting on his way to retrieve the football. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, decided to press their current manpower advantage, and under the combined power of mummies, wights and zombies, the chaos dwarf defense crumbled. Blazing past Carditis went newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot, the controversial rookie who took over Ol Teabagger's #15 on the roster. Controversy was ignored by the Dirt Bursters fans, however, as Bagrot grabbed the ball and charged downfield for a quick second score.
Enough time remained on the clock, and the fans were bellowing for some last-second heroics, but unfortunately the half whistle blew before the Takedown could get organized on offense. Luckily, they would receive again at the start of the second half, hopefully to close the gap that the undead had opened up.
As the teams returned, it was evident that certain protocols of secret weaponry were being ignored, for the confident stride of Zzharg Madeye onto the field contradicted his apparent ejection after the first half. The refs were letting it slide, though, and the Dirt Bursters kicked off to restart the hostilities. Madeye must have missed the kickoff while jawing with an undead heckler, because the ball dropped right next to him without even so much as an attempt to grab it. The thunder of undead footsteps quickly reminded him of where he was, and after loading the ball into the muzzle of his blunderbuss, Zzharg fired the blackened squigskin downfield, into the waiting arms of hobgoblin catcher Plex Fracture. With most of the undead still stampeding down the pitch to get to Madeye, they had little time to turn and chase after Fracture, who ran through some remaining coverage and brought the Takedown within a point, putting up the touchdown for the chaos dwarves. As Zzharg Madeye returned to the dugout, the officials decided at last to eject him for good, and a scowling Madeye hurled his blunderbuss into the crowd in protest before being shown the door.
The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, as many have learned, are never content to sit on a one-point lead, and today was no exception. The high kickoff went to Chompsalot, but the ghoul couldn't hold on for the catch. Picking the football up from where it lay, then falling in with the protection of his fellow ghouls and helpful wights, Chompsalot became the focal point of a nigh-impenetrable undead offensive push. Resistance came, of course, but was rebuffed at every turn. Stumps O'Boggy, the slow but certain dispenser of doom, laid out another hobgoblin journeyman and adding another notch to the body count. The mighty Morg N'Thorg, though strong and capable, was awash in a sea of rot, and was brought down in a heap by the feisty Lanks McBreak. Still more pain was to be perpetrated by the Dirt Bursters as Lez White earned his second casualty of the night, putting the Buccinator out of contention for the remainder of the game. Again, the chaos dwarf resources were exhausted, and again Chompsalot was given a free pass to the end zone, putting the score up to 3-1 and restoring the two point cushion.
Down but not quite out, the remaining members of the Traumatic Takedown took to the field with Morg N'Thorg front and center. As the kickoff went up, a bit of unregulated enthusiasm came out of the stands, as Ortho Pnoea of the Takedown was stunned by a chunk of disturbingly-aged cheese chucked from the second deck. No sooner than he had dropped to the pitch, a shot rang out from the opposite side of the field, as the fan who had recovered Zzharg Madeye's blunderbuss took aim and unloaded at wight blocker No Guts Bob. The shot, filled with an assortment of cutlery, rocks, gunpowder and toenail clippings, bored a watermelon-sized hole in No Guts Bob's, well, guts, and a necromantic first-response team carted him away to the sidelines. Luckily for Bob, he was indeed gutless, and recovered from the injury with ease.
Looking for a sure thing as he picked up the ball, Perry Carditis saw nothing but double coverage all over the field - not a receiver in sight! But, seeing the hulking from of Morg N'Thorg pummeling zombies led him to pass the ball in that direction. With a cry of "Hey! Morg!", the hobgoblin quarterback hurled a pass to the ogre, who caught it, shrugged with little enthusiasm, and began to wade through the bodies of his enemies in the direction of the end zone. Pushing and shoving his way through the line, Morg seemed like the only thing going right for the Takedown, as Khermit the mummy earned his second round of brutal approval by clobbering centaur runner Dead Leg and putting him out of commission. The undead line began to shift away from the fallen dwarves and hobgoblins to confront Morg N'Thorg, and there proved to be enough resistance as Magut knocked the big guy to the dirt. On the spot immediately was the ghoul Ned Gummers, who was well on his way to the end zone the moment he snatched up the ball. Before he made it there, Plex Fracture was called on a foul against a downed zombie, but it mattered little. Time expired as Gummers crossed the goal line, and the Dirt Bursters were on their way to a semifinals berth. The final score - 4-1 for the returning champions.
Match MVPs for this quarter-final bout were Dead Leg of the Traumatic Takedown, displaying remarkable agility for someone with so many legs to look after, and Lanks McBreak of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who did the impossible in containing the mighty Morg N'Thorg almost single-handedly with timely blocks and tackles. Once again making a name for himself was Chompsalot the ghoul, who leaped and scrambled his way to two touchdowns in the contest.
Another day, another contender eliminated! Respect to the Takedown is due for taking on the champs in two consecutive matches, and we look forward to seeing more of them in the future! Tune in again soon for the next quarter-final summary!
The kick sailed high and slow enough for ghoul runner Chompsalot to get under the ball and catch it smartly. With that, the undead squad members set about their respective tasks, starting with Lez White the Wight. Whether for the intimidation factor or simply for the love of it, Lez crashed forward into a hapless journeyman hobgoblin, caving in the latter's skull and gorging himself on the soft, chewy center. Not to be outdone by his little buddy, Magut the mummy brought his wrath to bear on line dwarf Buster Kneecaps, though with less permanent results, only putting Kneecaps out for the rest of the game. With the ghoul rush in full swing, the Takedown looked to Morg N'Thorg for inspiration, as the star ogre used his superior size to knock out the plucky Lanks McBreak. The battle of attrition would be won by the Dirt Bursters, though, as the other mummy terror, Khermit, leveled Charlie Horse to the pitch, leaving medical staff to cart him away to heal in the off season. With the defense already dwindling, Chompsalot had no true obstacles to his first score of the game. 1-0 Dirt Bursters, with the crowd going wild.
Undermanned but hoping still to spring back, the Traumatic Takedown lined up to receive. The undead kickoff was exceptional, however, and Perry Carditis, the Takedown's hobgoblin quarterback, had a devil of a time getting on his way to retrieve the football. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, decided to press their current manpower advantage, and under the combined power of mummies, wights and zombies, the chaos dwarf defense crumbled. Blazing past Carditis went newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot, the controversial rookie who took over Ol Teabagger's #15 on the roster. Controversy was ignored by the Dirt Bursters fans, however, as Bagrot grabbed the ball and charged downfield for a quick second score.
Enough time remained on the clock, and the fans were bellowing for some last-second heroics, but unfortunately the half whistle blew before the Takedown could get organized on offense. Luckily, they would receive again at the start of the second half, hopefully to close the gap that the undead had opened up.
As the teams returned, it was evident that certain protocols of secret weaponry were being ignored, for the confident stride of Zzharg Madeye onto the field contradicted his apparent ejection after the first half. The refs were letting it slide, though, and the Dirt Bursters kicked off to restart the hostilities. Madeye must have missed the kickoff while jawing with an undead heckler, because the ball dropped right next to him without even so much as an attempt to grab it. The thunder of undead footsteps quickly reminded him of where he was, and after loading the ball into the muzzle of his blunderbuss, Zzharg fired the blackened squigskin downfield, into the waiting arms of hobgoblin catcher Plex Fracture. With most of the undead still stampeding down the pitch to get to Madeye, they had little time to turn and chase after Fracture, who ran through some remaining coverage and brought the Takedown within a point, putting up the touchdown for the chaos dwarves. As Zzharg Madeye returned to the dugout, the officials decided at last to eject him for good, and a scowling Madeye hurled his blunderbuss into the crowd in protest before being shown the door.
The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, as many have learned, are never content to sit on a one-point lead, and today was no exception. The high kickoff went to Chompsalot, but the ghoul couldn't hold on for the catch. Picking the football up from where it lay, then falling in with the protection of his fellow ghouls and helpful wights, Chompsalot became the focal point of a nigh-impenetrable undead offensive push. Resistance came, of course, but was rebuffed at every turn. Stumps O'Boggy, the slow but certain dispenser of doom, laid out another hobgoblin journeyman and adding another notch to the body count. The mighty Morg N'Thorg, though strong and capable, was awash in a sea of rot, and was brought down in a heap by the feisty Lanks McBreak. Still more pain was to be perpetrated by the Dirt Bursters as Lez White earned his second casualty of the night, putting the Buccinator out of contention for the remainder of the game. Again, the chaos dwarf resources were exhausted, and again Chompsalot was given a free pass to the end zone, putting the score up to 3-1 and restoring the two point cushion.
Down but not quite out, the remaining members of the Traumatic Takedown took to the field with Morg N'Thorg front and center. As the kickoff went up, a bit of unregulated enthusiasm came out of the stands, as Ortho Pnoea of the Takedown was stunned by a chunk of disturbingly-aged cheese chucked from the second deck. No sooner than he had dropped to the pitch, a shot rang out from the opposite side of the field, as the fan who had recovered Zzharg Madeye's blunderbuss took aim and unloaded at wight blocker No Guts Bob. The shot, filled with an assortment of cutlery, rocks, gunpowder and toenail clippings, bored a watermelon-sized hole in No Guts Bob's, well, guts, and a necromantic first-response team carted him away to the sidelines. Luckily for Bob, he was indeed gutless, and recovered from the injury with ease.
Looking for a sure thing as he picked up the ball, Perry Carditis saw nothing but double coverage all over the field - not a receiver in sight! But, seeing the hulking from of Morg N'Thorg pummeling zombies led him to pass the ball in that direction. With a cry of "Hey! Morg!", the hobgoblin quarterback hurled a pass to the ogre, who caught it, shrugged with little enthusiasm, and began to wade through the bodies of his enemies in the direction of the end zone. Pushing and shoving his way through the line, Morg seemed like the only thing going right for the Takedown, as Khermit the mummy earned his second round of brutal approval by clobbering centaur runner Dead Leg and putting him out of commission. The undead line began to shift away from the fallen dwarves and hobgoblins to confront Morg N'Thorg, and there proved to be enough resistance as Magut knocked the big guy to the dirt. On the spot immediately was the ghoul Ned Gummers, who was well on his way to the end zone the moment he snatched up the ball. Before he made it there, Plex Fracture was called on a foul against a downed zombie, but it mattered little. Time expired as Gummers crossed the goal line, and the Dirt Bursters were on their way to a semifinals berth. The final score - 4-1 for the returning champions.
Match MVPs for this quarter-final bout were Dead Leg of the Traumatic Takedown, displaying remarkable agility for someone with so many legs to look after, and Lanks McBreak of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who did the impossible in containing the mighty Morg N'Thorg almost single-handedly with timely blocks and tackles. Once again making a name for himself was Chompsalot the ghoul, who leaped and scrambled his way to two touchdowns in the contest.
Another day, another contender eliminated! Respect to the Takedown is due for taking on the champs in two consecutive matches, and we look forward to seeing more of them in the future! Tune in again soon for the next quarter-final summary!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Skaven Screech Past Takedown, Meathooks Outduel Go'nads
The Commish here once again, with the game reports from two of the three challenge matches taking place this weekend. My esteemed associate the Coach Wrangler will have the third match details after he's finished playing in that very game!
Our first game of the day saw a clash of newcomers, with the Blackwater Bilgerunners issuing the challenge to fellow expansion squad Traumatic Takedown. With fine weather and an even spread of fans, the skaven won the coin toss and elected to receive first. Strangely enough, the weather changed as soon as the first kickoff was made, and the sun became fiercely bright, blinding everyone in the cheap seats and causing trouble for the passing game.
What would be expected from a crunchy team of rats going up against a more robust force of hobgoblins, dwarves and a centaur? Certainly not the first casualty being caused by a linerat named Stumptail. The plucky blocker threw down against hobgoblin Plex Fracture, leaving the hapless rookie to be carted away by the Takedown's stretcher crew, and listed as "not bloody likely" for the team's next match. Following the hit, skaven thrower Fivel Mausketrap made a successful pass to gutter runner Piddlepaw. Hounded by the chaos dwarves' centaur Charlie Horse, Piddlepaw made a valiant effort to escape but in the end was shoved clean through a sideline billboard and into the fans, who merely carried him back to his dugout unharmed. The ball was still free on the pitch, though, and Fivel Mausketrap once again got his paws on it and carried it over the goal line for the first scoring play of the game.
The remainder of the first half was largely uneventful, with the Takedown's offense sputtering slightly with an universal case of butterfingers. Just as they seemed to be getting their act together, bad turned to worse as skaven blitzer Jenner attacked dwarf lineman Third Degree Bernie. Somehow, the dwarf's grungy beard got caught in the rat's jaws, and the strength of dwarven facial hair being what it is, simply could not be dislodged. With a great effort from Jenner, he tore himself free - and took most of Bernie's face with him. As per his request, Third Degree Bernie's remains were incinerated on the pitch, and his charred bones distributed among his fans at halftime.
As the second half began, the fans were in a state of extreme agitation. Whether angered at the loss of Third Degree Bernie or simply prone to bouts of generic belligerence, the chaos dwarf supporters poured out onto the field to take their frustration out on the skaven team's players. In response, the rat fanatics spilled forth over the guardrails and trampled across the pitch as well. Fortunately for both squads, the damage was minimal, and aside from a few players from each squad taking a brief nap in the dirt, the game continued as normal. With a handful of key defenders down, however, the skaven were not able to apply a complete pass coverage, and Perry Carditis, self-styled hobgoblin quarterback, launched a deep, soaring bomb of a pass downfield, into the arms of fellow hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea, who made a stellar one-handed grab and was home free for the equalizing touchdown. The fans went absolutely nuts, which admittedly wasn't too far from their regular states of mind.
Going nuts, however, was just the tip of the iceberg. It seemed that between the touchdown and the setup for the next kickoff, the skaven fans had begun leaving the stadium! The chaos dwarf fans had a good laugh, thinking the rat men had called it quits after seeing the hobgoblins make such a difficult play look easy. The joke was on them, though, as the skaven fans then poured out of the tunnels and onto the pitch, positively thrashing the Takedown players. Several dwarves came down out of the stands to retaliate, but their damage was merely a footnote on the skaven page of brutality, and more than a half-dozen chaos dwarf players were left stunned. With no way to stop the speedy gutter runners in their current state, the Takedown could only watch as Dingleberry trotted into the end zone to reclaim the lead.
The match was more controlled from that point on, as several dozen security ogres were bussed in to keep things quieter in the stands. A loudmouth from either side refused to be calmed down, however, and they were quickly introduced to each other in midair when they collided fifty feet above the pitch after each was thrown out of his seat by a security ogre. Play finally resumed once more, with the chaos dwarf team at a significant disadvantage. Charlie Horse was knocked out on the previous drive and simply could not wake up. Outnumbered by the wily skaven, the Traumatic Takedown was too hard-pressed to get through coverage and stop another lightning-quick touchdown from Piddlepaw. Cheese rained from the stands and most of the Takedown's fans began to file out in defeat. All there was time for with time running short was a half-hearted toss from one hobgoblin to another, as Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon completed a pass to Perry Carditis to end the contest. The final tally was three to one for the Blackwater Bilgerunners.
MVPs of the match were Bilgerunners linerat Lamefist, for reasons we are unsure of, and Traumatic Takedown blocker Spleenic Pain, also without significant merit. True recognition goes out to several players, however. The Takedown's hobgoblin corps was stellar, with Perry Carditis earning his place as quarterback, and his teammates Olecranon and Pnoea demonstrating their nascent prowess as ball handlers. Among the skaven, credit is due to linerat Stumptail for his impressive blocking and to gutter runner Dingleberry for his impossible feats of agility. He'll certainly be one to watch, if we can actually see him move.
Our second game of the day showcased such admirable traits as resolve, determination and dedication, as well as such less-admirable but equally exciting traits as blood type, bone structure and pain threshold. The stubborn, stout Smash and Go'nads faced off against the maniacal Meathooks in a case of trench warfare. The Go'nads came off a disappointing tie versus the Blueriver Wardoves in their last match, while the Meathooks were taken by surprise when the upstart Bloodsand Blasters squeezed out a 1-0 victory against the orcs.
Hostilities opened with a high kick which couldn't be reined in by Dick Gozinia, but the dwarves were anything but discouraged. Stu Padasso, blitzed his way into the face of black orc Beefquake, who fell to the earth with a thunderous thump. The medics went to work quickly however, and the big fella shrugged off what could have been a crippling injury. To make matters worse for the Meathooks, Euin Whatarmy, dwarf troll slayer and all-around dangerous fellow, shoved star orc blitzer Beef Bigaxe into the restless crowd, and suffered for it as his hand was viciously smashed against the guardrail. Bigaxe is expected to be sidelined for his next game.
The orcs needed a response and they got one, from the hard-working Hamfist Goreguts. Goreguts lined up dwarf runner Adam Meway and ran him into the ground, leaving the sore dwarf out for the match and likely the next one too. The dwarves managed to get the ball moving downfield in the meantime, but couldn't capitalize on the drive when Stu Padasso took a tumble on the goal line and lost possession. In desperation, orc blitzer Moose Burger hurled the ball down the pitch, but there was no one nearby when it landed. For the time being, the Meathooks were happy just not to be trailing in a second consecutive game.
In the push to get back to the ball, line orc Hamfist Goreguts again left his boot mark on the match as he trampled runner Dick Gozinia, nearly breaking the dwarf's leg. The apothecaries were well prepared, though, and Gozinia was unscarred and rejoined the team the following drive. Picking up the loose ball, Moe Lester of the Smash and Go'nads attempted a deep pass of his own, only to drop the ball on the windup, dropping it off the helmet of lineman Eric Shun, who managed to hold onto it. Lester was seriously off his game today, as he subsequently failed to take the handoff from Shun immediately thereafter. The first half wound down without any actual scoring, though Lockjaw the line orc managed to shove Euin Whatarmy out of bounds and through a poorly assembled bleacher, and the troll slayer was removed from the match to deal with several dozen deep splinters.
Set to receive for the second half, the Meathooks prepped their famous goblin toss strategy, hoping that their better mobility would leave the dwarf team flagging behind them as they ran in for a touchdown. Regrettably the play couldn't get off the drawing board safely, as the dwarven coverage proved too good to eliminate threats to the goblins. Stu Padasso redeemed himself for his earlier gaffe by laying out the hapless Bacon Sandwich and leaving him with a permanent, chronic lower back injury. In brutal response, the mighty Beefquake charged into line dwarf Phil DeGrave, positively leveling the dwarf beneath his enormous girth and breaking his neck like a fortune cookie in a pile driver. The orcs hoped that this would afford them the space they needed for another shot at the goblin toss, but Hammish still couldn't get his grubby little mitts on it and it squirted free. Trying again, the determined little green man snatched up the football and scampered laterally until he was in the clear at midfield and tossed the ball across the pitch to the lurking Moose Burger. Burger couldn't get a handle on the wild throw though, and Dick Gozinia of the Go'nads instead scooped it up from where it lay. Gozinia attempted a high-risk handoff, but was not rewarded. Pouncing on the loose ball, Burger hurtled past the remaining dwarven defenders and spiked the football triumphantly in the end zone for the game's first score.
The Smash and Go'nads had little time to stage a comeback, but the Meathooks made it easy for them to get started. Another high kick allowed Dick Gozinia to get great field position, and Gil T. Azell cleared some space by shoving Grunt Skunchman out of bounds. Determined not to give an inch, though, line orc Rip Steakface throttled the aforementioned Azell, leaving him out of contention for the remainder of the match. The dwarves pressed and pushed, but couldn't make any headway. As time ran out, a suspicious bolt of lightning erupted from a hot air balloon drifting overhead, but if Hammish was its target, then the balloonist/sorcerer should be ashamed of himself, as the wily goblin nimbly dodged out of the bolt's path. Time finally ran out, with the final score a hard-fought one to nothing victory for the Meathooks.
This matches MVP accolades went to the Go'nads' Adam Meway, despite not having accomplished much at all, and to black orc Grunt Skunchman who was a protective force for his allies on the line of scrimmage.
Hopefully a day or two is enough time to digest all that carnage, sportsfiends, because you've still got the Wardoves/Ragefangs match to catch as well as prepare fro two big battles on Tuesday! it's Deathdealer division once again, with a Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters/Smash and Go'nads game followed by a Wardoves/Bilgerunners match! Until next time, folks!
Our first game of the day saw a clash of newcomers, with the Blackwater Bilgerunners issuing the challenge to fellow expansion squad Traumatic Takedown. With fine weather and an even spread of fans, the skaven won the coin toss and elected to receive first. Strangely enough, the weather changed as soon as the first kickoff was made, and the sun became fiercely bright, blinding everyone in the cheap seats and causing trouble for the passing game.
What would be expected from a crunchy team of rats going up against a more robust force of hobgoblins, dwarves and a centaur? Certainly not the first casualty being caused by a linerat named Stumptail. The plucky blocker threw down against hobgoblin Plex Fracture, leaving the hapless rookie to be carted away by the Takedown's stretcher crew, and listed as "not bloody likely" for the team's next match. Following the hit, skaven thrower Fivel Mausketrap made a successful pass to gutter runner Piddlepaw. Hounded by the chaos dwarves' centaur Charlie Horse, Piddlepaw made a valiant effort to escape but in the end was shoved clean through a sideline billboard and into the fans, who merely carried him back to his dugout unharmed. The ball was still free on the pitch, though, and Fivel Mausketrap once again got his paws on it and carried it over the goal line for the first scoring play of the game.
The remainder of the first half was largely uneventful, with the Takedown's offense sputtering slightly with an universal case of butterfingers. Just as they seemed to be getting their act together, bad turned to worse as skaven blitzer Jenner attacked dwarf lineman Third Degree Bernie. Somehow, the dwarf's grungy beard got caught in the rat's jaws, and the strength of dwarven facial hair being what it is, simply could not be dislodged. With a great effort from Jenner, he tore himself free - and took most of Bernie's face with him. As per his request, Third Degree Bernie's remains were incinerated on the pitch, and his charred bones distributed among his fans at halftime.
As the second half began, the fans were in a state of extreme agitation. Whether angered at the loss of Third Degree Bernie or simply prone to bouts of generic belligerence, the chaos dwarf supporters poured out onto the field to take their frustration out on the skaven team's players. In response, the rat fanatics spilled forth over the guardrails and trampled across the pitch as well. Fortunately for both squads, the damage was minimal, and aside from a few players from each squad taking a brief nap in the dirt, the game continued as normal. With a handful of key defenders down, however, the skaven were not able to apply a complete pass coverage, and Perry Carditis, self-styled hobgoblin quarterback, launched a deep, soaring bomb of a pass downfield, into the arms of fellow hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea, who made a stellar one-handed grab and was home free for the equalizing touchdown. The fans went absolutely nuts, which admittedly wasn't too far from their regular states of mind.
Going nuts, however, was just the tip of the iceberg. It seemed that between the touchdown and the setup for the next kickoff, the skaven fans had begun leaving the stadium! The chaos dwarf fans had a good laugh, thinking the rat men had called it quits after seeing the hobgoblins make such a difficult play look easy. The joke was on them, though, as the skaven fans then poured out of the tunnels and onto the pitch, positively thrashing the Takedown players. Several dwarves came down out of the stands to retaliate, but their damage was merely a footnote on the skaven page of brutality, and more than a half-dozen chaos dwarf players were left stunned. With no way to stop the speedy gutter runners in their current state, the Takedown could only watch as Dingleberry trotted into the end zone to reclaim the lead.
The match was more controlled from that point on, as several dozen security ogres were bussed in to keep things quieter in the stands. A loudmouth from either side refused to be calmed down, however, and they were quickly introduced to each other in midair when they collided fifty feet above the pitch after each was thrown out of his seat by a security ogre. Play finally resumed once more, with the chaos dwarf team at a significant disadvantage. Charlie Horse was knocked out on the previous drive and simply could not wake up. Outnumbered by the wily skaven, the Traumatic Takedown was too hard-pressed to get through coverage and stop another lightning-quick touchdown from Piddlepaw. Cheese rained from the stands and most of the Takedown's fans began to file out in defeat. All there was time for with time running short was a half-hearted toss from one hobgoblin to another, as Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon completed a pass to Perry Carditis to end the contest. The final tally was three to one for the Blackwater Bilgerunners.
MVPs of the match were Bilgerunners linerat Lamefist, for reasons we are unsure of, and Traumatic Takedown blocker Spleenic Pain, also without significant merit. True recognition goes out to several players, however. The Takedown's hobgoblin corps was stellar, with Perry Carditis earning his place as quarterback, and his teammates Olecranon and Pnoea demonstrating their nascent prowess as ball handlers. Among the skaven, credit is due to linerat Stumptail for his impressive blocking and to gutter runner Dingleberry for his impossible feats of agility. He'll certainly be one to watch, if we can actually see him move.
Our second game of the day showcased such admirable traits as resolve, determination and dedication, as well as such less-admirable but equally exciting traits as blood type, bone structure and pain threshold. The stubborn, stout Smash and Go'nads faced off against the maniacal Meathooks in a case of trench warfare. The Go'nads came off a disappointing tie versus the Blueriver Wardoves in their last match, while the Meathooks were taken by surprise when the upstart Bloodsand Blasters squeezed out a 1-0 victory against the orcs.
Hostilities opened with a high kick which couldn't be reined in by Dick Gozinia, but the dwarves were anything but discouraged. Stu Padasso, blitzed his way into the face of black orc Beefquake, who fell to the earth with a thunderous thump. The medics went to work quickly however, and the big fella shrugged off what could have been a crippling injury. To make matters worse for the Meathooks, Euin Whatarmy, dwarf troll slayer and all-around dangerous fellow, shoved star orc blitzer Beef Bigaxe into the restless crowd, and suffered for it as his hand was viciously smashed against the guardrail. Bigaxe is expected to be sidelined for his next game.
The orcs needed a response and they got one, from the hard-working Hamfist Goreguts. Goreguts lined up dwarf runner Adam Meway and ran him into the ground, leaving the sore dwarf out for the match and likely the next one too. The dwarves managed to get the ball moving downfield in the meantime, but couldn't capitalize on the drive when Stu Padasso took a tumble on the goal line and lost possession. In desperation, orc blitzer Moose Burger hurled the ball down the pitch, but there was no one nearby when it landed. For the time being, the Meathooks were happy just not to be trailing in a second consecutive game.
In the push to get back to the ball, line orc Hamfist Goreguts again left his boot mark on the match as he trampled runner Dick Gozinia, nearly breaking the dwarf's leg. The apothecaries were well prepared, though, and Gozinia was unscarred and rejoined the team the following drive. Picking up the loose ball, Moe Lester of the Smash and Go'nads attempted a deep pass of his own, only to drop the ball on the windup, dropping it off the helmet of lineman Eric Shun, who managed to hold onto it. Lester was seriously off his game today, as he subsequently failed to take the handoff from Shun immediately thereafter. The first half wound down without any actual scoring, though Lockjaw the line orc managed to shove Euin Whatarmy out of bounds and through a poorly assembled bleacher, and the troll slayer was removed from the match to deal with several dozen deep splinters.
Set to receive for the second half, the Meathooks prepped their famous goblin toss strategy, hoping that their better mobility would leave the dwarf team flagging behind them as they ran in for a touchdown. Regrettably the play couldn't get off the drawing board safely, as the dwarven coverage proved too good to eliminate threats to the goblins. Stu Padasso redeemed himself for his earlier gaffe by laying out the hapless Bacon Sandwich and leaving him with a permanent, chronic lower back injury. In brutal response, the mighty Beefquake charged into line dwarf Phil DeGrave, positively leveling the dwarf beneath his enormous girth and breaking his neck like a fortune cookie in a pile driver. The orcs hoped that this would afford them the space they needed for another shot at the goblin toss, but Hammish still couldn't get his grubby little mitts on it and it squirted free. Trying again, the determined little green man snatched up the football and scampered laterally until he was in the clear at midfield and tossed the ball across the pitch to the lurking Moose Burger. Burger couldn't get a handle on the wild throw though, and Dick Gozinia of the Go'nads instead scooped it up from where it lay. Gozinia attempted a high-risk handoff, but was not rewarded. Pouncing on the loose ball, Burger hurtled past the remaining dwarven defenders and spiked the football triumphantly in the end zone for the game's first score.
The Smash and Go'nads had little time to stage a comeback, but the Meathooks made it easy for them to get started. Another high kick allowed Dick Gozinia to get great field position, and Gil T. Azell cleared some space by shoving Grunt Skunchman out of bounds. Determined not to give an inch, though, line orc Rip Steakface throttled the aforementioned Azell, leaving him out of contention for the remainder of the match. The dwarves pressed and pushed, but couldn't make any headway. As time ran out, a suspicious bolt of lightning erupted from a hot air balloon drifting overhead, but if Hammish was its target, then the balloonist/sorcerer should be ashamed of himself, as the wily goblin nimbly dodged out of the bolt's path. Time finally ran out, with the final score a hard-fought one to nothing victory for the Meathooks.
This matches MVP accolades went to the Go'nads' Adam Meway, despite not having accomplished much at all, and to black orc Grunt Skunchman who was a protective force for his allies on the line of scrimmage.
Hopefully a day or two is enough time to digest all that carnage, sportsfiends, because you've still got the Wardoves/Ragefangs match to catch as well as prepare fro two big battles on Tuesday! it's Deathdealer division once again, with a Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters/Smash and Go'nads game followed by a Wardoves/Bilgerunners match! Until next time, folks!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Knights' Receivers Excel, Go'Nads Spoil Wardoves' Victory
Sit down and listen up, sportsfiends, it's time for the latest MMBBL action update! This week saw two exciting matches, in which the teams involved played for more than victory in the Chaos Cup (which has effectively been won by the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters as of last week). Honour, Pride, and of course, lives were on the line for these two thrilling games.
In the week's first match, the underachieving (by their own standards, at least) Fly-by Knights took to the field against the fierce and committed Brutakai Ragefangs. The Ragefangs, while off to a slow start in the points and wins categories, have shown impressive resolve and a deep commitment to the gritty, unapologetic nature of Blood Bowl. For their part, the Knights have rallied around their own flags even as the series slips out of reach - both the tireless legs and enthusiasm of youth and the stalwart resolve and patience of age have served them well in recent matches. With chins and spirits high, these two collective juggernauts of willpower collide - which will come away with the W?
Receiving first, the Ragefangs executed their game plan with both a show of force typical of the orc's hefty, lumbering physique, and a show of athletic grace which flies in the face of it. Krak Toothsnapper called the play perfectly, sailed a pass to Raziek Bloodrage as though the ball were on a wire, and the talented blitzer charged downfield to put the first point on the board. A great help on the line came from the popular Ripper Bolgrot, who was brought in to tilt the scales against Barglesnart Livingstone of the Knights. Things were looking up for the Brutakai Boys, but some elements of this great game are out of the players' hands, including the often under-appreciated presence of the "twelfth man" - the fans themselves.
Despite the relative ferocity of their few but fanatical supporters, the Ragefangs were at a disadvantage to the Knights' increasing fanbase, and the consequences were immediate and dire. On the next kickoff, the stands absolutely erupted with activity, and the droves of green-and-blue-clad Knights fans rushed the pitch, laying out the majority of the Ragefangs team. The Ragefangs fans attempted to respond, but the Knights' admirers effectively shielded their heroes from harm. As the dust cleared, there was no real chance for the orcs to stop the humans' quick march downfield. Lance Freely spotted the completely wide-open Stanley Steele, and the latter caught the easy pass and practically walked into the end zone. He then celebrated by paying one lucky fan a hundred gold pieces for a bite of his hot dog. Talk about a collector's item!
The rapid scoring and breakneck pace slowed before the first half ended, as the two teams sought success with the running game, but none was to be had. As a part of their "everyone participates, everyone contributes" policy, the Knights gave lineman Solomon Squatz a chance to execute a passing play while ace thrower Freely sat, and the lineman delivered a short pass to Cyrano de Baggagerack to close out the period.
Determined to find a way to deal with the orc squad's physical superiority, the Knights looked again to their youth for answers. Hot on the heels of the kickoff in the second half, blitzer Chet Jackweed trampled line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath soundly, and Nightwrath left the game under his own power. Taking advantage of the slight offset in manpower, Lance Freely found receiver Brad Attitûd with a bullet from midfield, and the lanky lad left defenders in the dust on his way to the Fly-by Knights' second score of the game.
With time running short, the Ragefangs needed everyone on the same page to complete another play and tie the match. They might have succeeded too, were it not for the ever-dangerous Jacques Strappe, whose reputation as the strongest thrower in the league is all but concrete. The resolute Strappe not only saved a touchdown with an emphatic blitz, but then picked up the fallen cargo and sent it, air mail, special delivery, to blitzer Victor Dashing. Dashing made like his name implied, and sprinted for the touchdown, sealing the deal for the Knights, the final score three to one.
Match MVP accolades went to Chet Jackweed of the Knights, with the only casualty of the game, whose training as an "armoured catcher" appears to be paying off. Kozu Ironhide, black orc of the Ragefangs, took the honour for his squad by virtue of his solid performance on the front line. Also highly of note were Brad Attitûd and Lance Freely of the Knights, who seem to have adapted to catcher Stanley Steele's training regime and demonstrated impressive agility all game. Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs gets a nod as well for demonstrating excellent presence of mind with regards to his teammates, assisting on the line despite multiple threats to his person.
Our second scheduled game was a clash of extreme opposites. The graceful, groomed and gorgeous lads of the the Blueriver Wardoves brought their brand of quick, precise elven game to bear against the robust, rude and rowdy Smash and Go'nads, for whom success is measured only in destruction and blood alcohol level. Divergent philosophies coupled with a lust for the prize of victory and a cruelly brilliant sun can mean only one thing, sportsfiends - entertainment!
Things started out with a typical dwarf play, and the crafty fellows handed off to runner Adam Meway, who sheltered himself behind a crushing protective force of longbeards. Just as the line seemed it may buckle, Meway burst forth like the fizz from a newly-shaken can of Bloodweiser and dashed into the end zone. The dwarves had made their statement; could the elves respond?
Respond they did, in more ways than one. Vengeance was the first item on the Wardoves' menu, and Mlalyn Firefawn was the line cook of punishment as he violently fouled the down-and-out Gil T. Azell. The refs caught it, though, (for the record, the first time they've had the stones to do so all season), and Firefawn was sent off to the resounding boos of the already-wasted dwarven crowds. Azell was in horrible shape, but the dwarves' doc made no mistake and saw the bruising slayer back to the dugout for the next drive. Meanwhile, the elves were free to change the game to their own liking in the absence of the Go'nads' superlative troublemaker, and Bendark Mossfang made a smooth pass to the crowd-pleasing Tsih Killwillow, and before you could say "photo op" the game was tied. Killwillow reportedly celebrated by blowing a kiss to each and every one of the Wardoves' cheerleaders, who were subsequently carted to the infirmary for minor bruises sustained while falling to the grass in a stupor, as well as several counts of broken hearts. The half ended with a deadlock, both teams having each scored a touchdown.
Fired up by the momentum gained by their last drive, the Wardoves struck fast as the second half opened. Keeping the dwarves guessing while Mossfang surveyed the field coolly, the elves set up a scenario of multiple potential targets. At last the time came to strike, and the high, spiraling pass from Mossfang found Sutlan Spearflower wide open and the second point for the elves went essentially uncontested. Now all they had to do was keep the slower dwarf squad from making the game theirs again.
The Wardoves were about to find out just how hard it can be to tell a dwarf "no" and to make it stick. The bodies flew and crashed as the Smash and Go'nads paved a way for their plucky runners, but at every turn they were met with nimble elf resistance. The Wardoves danced quickly through what would be impassible coverage to most other teams. When the elves were finally upon him, Adam Meway connected with Dick Gozinia on a desperation pass, and one runner picked up the march downfield where the other left off. The dwarves were starting to win the battle to stay vertical, no doubt in part to their lower centers of gravity. Still, the Wardoves found the energy to surge at Gozinia before his goal was met. knocked off his feet, the ball scattering away, hope seemed lost until line dwarf Achilles Punks somehow managed to rein in the wild ball. Gone were the elves' hopes of an easy end to the match, but with them as well went the dwarves' ability to rely on the speed of their less-bearded specialists. With the resolve of an avalanche and much the same sound, Achilles Punks rumbled forward with the help of his teammates. The dwarves brushed aside the remaining elves as they swarmed, and panting, out of breath, heaving and farting like a true dwarven champion, Punks crossed the goal line to the uproarious support of the dwarven faithful. His celebration proved the least flamboyant of the afternoon, and he was left to nap on the pitch as the crowd dispersed. The final score: a 2-2 tie.
The most honoured players of this match were Stu Padasso of the Smash and Go'nads for his excellent line support in the dwarves' hour of need, and to Venspar Pondrazor of the Wardoves for his timely blocking. Several other accolades were given to elf catcher Sutlan Spearflower who deked and dodged his way to a touchdown, and to dwarves Achilles Punks, who supported his mates even as they paved his unlikely way to glory, and Adam Meway, who mimicked the quick reactions of his cohort Dick Gozinia and got the ball away under pressure on several occasions.
We're saving the biggest thrills for last, folks! Next week, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters seek the end to their perfect season, with the Fly-by Knights looking to upset the wagon. As well, the Meathooks take one last stab at glory when they square off against the Blueriver Wardoves in another intense duel of form vs. function. See you then!
In the week's first match, the underachieving (by their own standards, at least) Fly-by Knights took to the field against the fierce and committed Brutakai Ragefangs. The Ragefangs, while off to a slow start in the points and wins categories, have shown impressive resolve and a deep commitment to the gritty, unapologetic nature of Blood Bowl. For their part, the Knights have rallied around their own flags even as the series slips out of reach - both the tireless legs and enthusiasm of youth and the stalwart resolve and patience of age have served them well in recent matches. With chins and spirits high, these two collective juggernauts of willpower collide - which will come away with the W?
Receiving first, the Ragefangs executed their game plan with both a show of force typical of the orc's hefty, lumbering physique, and a show of athletic grace which flies in the face of it. Krak Toothsnapper called the play perfectly, sailed a pass to Raziek Bloodrage as though the ball were on a wire, and the talented blitzer charged downfield to put the first point on the board. A great help on the line came from the popular Ripper Bolgrot, who was brought in to tilt the scales against Barglesnart Livingstone of the Knights. Things were looking up for the Brutakai Boys, but some elements of this great game are out of the players' hands, including the often under-appreciated presence of the "twelfth man" - the fans themselves.
Despite the relative ferocity of their few but fanatical supporters, the Ragefangs were at a disadvantage to the Knights' increasing fanbase, and the consequences were immediate and dire. On the next kickoff, the stands absolutely erupted with activity, and the droves of green-and-blue-clad Knights fans rushed the pitch, laying out the majority of the Ragefangs team. The Ragefangs fans attempted to respond, but the Knights' admirers effectively shielded their heroes from harm. As the dust cleared, there was no real chance for the orcs to stop the humans' quick march downfield. Lance Freely spotted the completely wide-open Stanley Steele, and the latter caught the easy pass and practically walked into the end zone. He then celebrated by paying one lucky fan a hundred gold pieces for a bite of his hot dog. Talk about a collector's item!
The rapid scoring and breakneck pace slowed before the first half ended, as the two teams sought success with the running game, but none was to be had. As a part of their "everyone participates, everyone contributes" policy, the Knights gave lineman Solomon Squatz a chance to execute a passing play while ace thrower Freely sat, and the lineman delivered a short pass to Cyrano de Baggagerack to close out the period.
Determined to find a way to deal with the orc squad's physical superiority, the Knights looked again to their youth for answers. Hot on the heels of the kickoff in the second half, blitzer Chet Jackweed trampled line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath soundly, and Nightwrath left the game under his own power. Taking advantage of the slight offset in manpower, Lance Freely found receiver Brad Attitûd with a bullet from midfield, and the lanky lad left defenders in the dust on his way to the Fly-by Knights' second score of the game.
With time running short, the Ragefangs needed everyone on the same page to complete another play and tie the match. They might have succeeded too, were it not for the ever-dangerous Jacques Strappe, whose reputation as the strongest thrower in the league is all but concrete. The resolute Strappe not only saved a touchdown with an emphatic blitz, but then picked up the fallen cargo and sent it, air mail, special delivery, to blitzer Victor Dashing. Dashing made like his name implied, and sprinted for the touchdown, sealing the deal for the Knights, the final score three to one.
Match MVP accolades went to Chet Jackweed of the Knights, with the only casualty of the game, whose training as an "armoured catcher" appears to be paying off. Kozu Ironhide, black orc of the Ragefangs, took the honour for his squad by virtue of his solid performance on the front line. Also highly of note were Brad Attitûd and Lance Freely of the Knights, who seem to have adapted to catcher Stanley Steele's training regime and demonstrated impressive agility all game. Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs gets a nod as well for demonstrating excellent presence of mind with regards to his teammates, assisting on the line despite multiple threats to his person.
Our second scheduled game was a clash of extreme opposites. The graceful, groomed and gorgeous lads of the the Blueriver Wardoves brought their brand of quick, precise elven game to bear against the robust, rude and rowdy Smash and Go'nads, for whom success is measured only in destruction and blood alcohol level. Divergent philosophies coupled with a lust for the prize of victory and a cruelly brilliant sun can mean only one thing, sportsfiends - entertainment!
Things started out with a typical dwarf play, and the crafty fellows handed off to runner Adam Meway, who sheltered himself behind a crushing protective force of longbeards. Just as the line seemed it may buckle, Meway burst forth like the fizz from a newly-shaken can of Bloodweiser and dashed into the end zone. The dwarves had made their statement; could the elves respond?
Respond they did, in more ways than one. Vengeance was the first item on the Wardoves' menu, and Mlalyn Firefawn was the line cook of punishment as he violently fouled the down-and-out Gil T. Azell. The refs caught it, though, (for the record, the first time they've had the stones to do so all season), and Firefawn was sent off to the resounding boos of the already-wasted dwarven crowds. Azell was in horrible shape, but the dwarves' doc made no mistake and saw the bruising slayer back to the dugout for the next drive. Meanwhile, the elves were free to change the game to their own liking in the absence of the Go'nads' superlative troublemaker, and Bendark Mossfang made a smooth pass to the crowd-pleasing Tsih Killwillow, and before you could say "photo op" the game was tied. Killwillow reportedly celebrated by blowing a kiss to each and every one of the Wardoves' cheerleaders, who were subsequently carted to the infirmary for minor bruises sustained while falling to the grass in a stupor, as well as several counts of broken hearts. The half ended with a deadlock, both teams having each scored a touchdown.
Fired up by the momentum gained by their last drive, the Wardoves struck fast as the second half opened. Keeping the dwarves guessing while Mossfang surveyed the field coolly, the elves set up a scenario of multiple potential targets. At last the time came to strike, and the high, spiraling pass from Mossfang found Sutlan Spearflower wide open and the second point for the elves went essentially uncontested. Now all they had to do was keep the slower dwarf squad from making the game theirs again.
The Wardoves were about to find out just how hard it can be to tell a dwarf "no" and to make it stick. The bodies flew and crashed as the Smash and Go'nads paved a way for their plucky runners, but at every turn they were met with nimble elf resistance. The Wardoves danced quickly through what would be impassible coverage to most other teams. When the elves were finally upon him, Adam Meway connected with Dick Gozinia on a desperation pass, and one runner picked up the march downfield where the other left off. The dwarves were starting to win the battle to stay vertical, no doubt in part to their lower centers of gravity. Still, the Wardoves found the energy to surge at Gozinia before his goal was met. knocked off his feet, the ball scattering away, hope seemed lost until line dwarf Achilles Punks somehow managed to rein in the wild ball. Gone were the elves' hopes of an easy end to the match, but with them as well went the dwarves' ability to rely on the speed of their less-bearded specialists. With the resolve of an avalanche and much the same sound, Achilles Punks rumbled forward with the help of his teammates. The dwarves brushed aside the remaining elves as they swarmed, and panting, out of breath, heaving and farting like a true dwarven champion, Punks crossed the goal line to the uproarious support of the dwarven faithful. His celebration proved the least flamboyant of the afternoon, and he was left to nap on the pitch as the crowd dispersed. The final score: a 2-2 tie.
The most honoured players of this match were Stu Padasso of the Smash and Go'nads for his excellent line support in the dwarves' hour of need, and to Venspar Pondrazor of the Wardoves for his timely blocking. Several other accolades were given to elf catcher Sutlan Spearflower who deked and dodged his way to a touchdown, and to dwarves Achilles Punks, who supported his mates even as they paved his unlikely way to glory, and Adam Meway, who mimicked the quick reactions of his cohort Dick Gozinia and got the ball away under pressure on several occasions.
We're saving the biggest thrills for last, folks! Next week, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters seek the end to their perfect season, with the Fly-by Knights looking to upset the wagon. As well, the Meathooks take one last stab at glory when they square off against the Blueriver Wardoves in another intense duel of form vs. function. See you then!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Fly-by Knights' Youngsters Carry the Day
After a confusing weekend of action, we're finally here to report on what happened in the latest MMBBL showdown! The match between the Fly-by Knights and the Smash and Go'nads was scheduled to take place on Sunday, but due to torrential rain it was rescheduled for the preceding Friday. Thanks to the miracle of sorcerous weather forecasting, disaster was averted before it arrived and the game went on as planned.
It was a lovely day, with an even mix of human and dwarf fans packed into the stadium. The Smash and Go'nads had been training hard for this matchup, knowing full well that while they certainly out-toughed the Knights, they were lacking proportionally in the area of pure skill. This skill was absent during the first kickoff, however, as the opening boot sailed out of bounds. Dwarf runner Dick Gozinia was awarded the ball for the opening drive and the game was underway with a pas to fellow runner Adam Meway. As Meway charged down the sideline, he was unceremoniously dumped past the guardrail by blitzer Victor Dashing of the Knights, and carried to safety by the dwarven fans.
Not willing to sit by and let the human squad out-muscle his team, troll slayer Gil T Azell set about some immediate retribution, smashing into lineman Max Limit of the Knights and sending him sprawling on the pitch. He hobbled off under his own power but did not return. The seesaw battle of physical dominance continued as human lineman Tad Overdrest sent Dick Gozinia on the same journey as Adam Meway - he too was knocked into the bleachers and was carried back to the dugout in much the same manner as his teammate was earlier. Seeing his teammates systematically removed from play sent the aforementioned Azell into an even greater frenzy, and he throttled Fly-by Knights running back Jacques Strappe to within an inch of his life. After some on-site surgery and a great deal of tears from the eligible young ladies in the skyboxes, Strappe emerged from the huddle of medics, seemingly right as rain.
Though their strongman had been sent off to recover from this injury, the Knights had succeeded in tilting the numbers game in their favour. Even as the normally-steady Barglesnart Livingstone tripped up and landed awkwardly, he had already bought enough time for the clutch play of Karl Von Uberstamp to ensure a score for the Knights. Uberstamp recovered the loose ball and spotted young Chet Jackweed, who trotted leisurely into the end zone and celebrated the score with a series of flexes and poses for the public to gawk at.
The second half saw more intense play from both the veteran linemen and their youthful new teammates. Uberstamp roared out of the dugout with a vengeance, seriously crippling dwarf blocker Eric Shun. The stalwart dwarf was unable to leave the pitch under his own power, and team medics soon reported that he had suffered a critical fracture in his leg, hampering his movement for the foreseeable future. Immediately afterwards, Fly-by Knights iron man and crowd favourite Abraham Sandwich gave dwarf blitzer Moe Lester a serious scare, positively crushing him, and it took every ounce of talent from the dwarf medical crew to ensure his survival of the ordeal. Down but not out, Lester was taken back to the dugout to recuperate.
As if this wasn't enough for the Go'nads to deal with, Victor Dashing soon made his own mark on the match as he clashed with blocker Ray Pugh and broke the latter's neck. Carted off on a stretcher but still lucid, Pugh mumbled that he was "sore as hell, but not worried about his future with the team." Dwarves, ladies and gentlemen, are just about the toughest Blood Bowl players out there, and Ray Pugh is no exception.
Their line depleted once again, the Smash and Go'nads could only watch as Karl Von Uberstamp once again showed his all-around quality, finding newly-signed catcher Brad Attitûd. A final chance to stop the speedy catcher remained, but was extinguished when Achilles Punks was shoved out of bounds by Wamsley Wedgeworth, and Attitûd had a clear run for the end zone, where he celebrated with his teammates and leaped into the crowd to share his joy. The game was sealed for the Knights, and in the final seconds the only other play of note was when a disgruntled fan lobbed a brick and sent Herb Eaverstinks of the Go'nads for a little nap in the mud.
MVP honours for the match were awarded to Abraham Sandwich of the Fly-by Knights, who tackled everyone who got in his way and a few who were simply in the general area, and to Drew peacock of the Smash and Go'nads. Also of note for the Go'nads was the play of Dick Gozinia, whose keen perception and peripheral vision allowed him make a clean pass despite a threatened position.
Stay tuned, sports fiends! The action's just beginning as tonight, we see two matches of serious interest. The indomitable Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters will square off against the talented and upstart Blueriver Wardoves in a battle of gore versus grace, while our two orc squads collide in a match the likes of which hasn't been seen since before the departure of the Greenskin Bumlookers! The Meathooks and the Ragefangs will almost certainly leave it all out on the field tonight. See you then!
It was a lovely day, with an even mix of human and dwarf fans packed into the stadium. The Smash and Go'nads had been training hard for this matchup, knowing full well that while they certainly out-toughed the Knights, they were lacking proportionally in the area of pure skill. This skill was absent during the first kickoff, however, as the opening boot sailed out of bounds. Dwarf runner Dick Gozinia was awarded the ball for the opening drive and the game was underway with a pas to fellow runner Adam Meway. As Meway charged down the sideline, he was unceremoniously dumped past the guardrail by blitzer Victor Dashing of the Knights, and carried to safety by the dwarven fans.
Not willing to sit by and let the human squad out-muscle his team, troll slayer Gil T Azell set about some immediate retribution, smashing into lineman Max Limit of the Knights and sending him sprawling on the pitch. He hobbled off under his own power but did not return. The seesaw battle of physical dominance continued as human lineman Tad Overdrest sent Dick Gozinia on the same journey as Adam Meway - he too was knocked into the bleachers and was carried back to the dugout in much the same manner as his teammate was earlier. Seeing his teammates systematically removed from play sent the aforementioned Azell into an even greater frenzy, and he throttled Fly-by Knights running back Jacques Strappe to within an inch of his life. After some on-site surgery and a great deal of tears from the eligible young ladies in the skyboxes, Strappe emerged from the huddle of medics, seemingly right as rain.
Though their strongman had been sent off to recover from this injury, the Knights had succeeded in tilting the numbers game in their favour. Even as the normally-steady Barglesnart Livingstone tripped up and landed awkwardly, he had already bought enough time for the clutch play of Karl Von Uberstamp to ensure a score for the Knights. Uberstamp recovered the loose ball and spotted young Chet Jackweed, who trotted leisurely into the end zone and celebrated the score with a series of flexes and poses for the public to gawk at.
The second half saw more intense play from both the veteran linemen and their youthful new teammates. Uberstamp roared out of the dugout with a vengeance, seriously crippling dwarf blocker Eric Shun. The stalwart dwarf was unable to leave the pitch under his own power, and team medics soon reported that he had suffered a critical fracture in his leg, hampering his movement for the foreseeable future. Immediately afterwards, Fly-by Knights iron man and crowd favourite Abraham Sandwich gave dwarf blitzer Moe Lester a serious scare, positively crushing him, and it took every ounce of talent from the dwarf medical crew to ensure his survival of the ordeal. Down but not out, Lester was taken back to the dugout to recuperate.
As if this wasn't enough for the Go'nads to deal with, Victor Dashing soon made his own mark on the match as he clashed with blocker Ray Pugh and broke the latter's neck. Carted off on a stretcher but still lucid, Pugh mumbled that he was "sore as hell, but not worried about his future with the team." Dwarves, ladies and gentlemen, are just about the toughest Blood Bowl players out there, and Ray Pugh is no exception.
Their line depleted once again, the Smash and Go'nads could only watch as Karl Von Uberstamp once again showed his all-around quality, finding newly-signed catcher Brad Attitûd. A final chance to stop the speedy catcher remained, but was extinguished when Achilles Punks was shoved out of bounds by Wamsley Wedgeworth, and Attitûd had a clear run for the end zone, where he celebrated with his teammates and leaped into the crowd to share his joy. The game was sealed for the Knights, and in the final seconds the only other play of note was when a disgruntled fan lobbed a brick and sent Herb Eaverstinks of the Go'nads for a little nap in the mud.
MVP honours for the match were awarded to Abraham Sandwich of the Fly-by Knights, who tackled everyone who got in his way and a few who were simply in the general area, and to Drew peacock of the Smash and Go'nads. Also of note for the Go'nads was the play of Dick Gozinia, whose keen perception and peripheral vision allowed him make a clean pass despite a threatened position.
Stay tuned, sports fiends! The action's just beginning as tonight, we see two matches of serious interest. The indomitable Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters will square off against the talented and upstart Blueriver Wardoves in a battle of gore versus grace, while our two orc squads collide in a match the likes of which hasn't been seen since before the departure of the Greenskin Bumlookers! The Meathooks and the Ragefangs will almost certainly leave it all out on the field tonight. See you then!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
More Week 1 Results
In the final match of week one, which was delayed due to scheduling problems, we saw the Greenskin Bumlookers battle the Low-Blows, and a battle it certainly was. The Bumlookers took the match 2-0, and cause frequent, though not permanent, damage to the Low-Blows. The match's MVPs were Smurfbite for the dwarven squad, and quarterback Ben Dover of the Bumlookers, who twisted and turned his way to the award. Possibly the dirtiest match to date, there were no less than half a dozen attempted fouls. Also of note was the completion of not one but TWO completed passes by dwarf lineman Flossin Wedgie.
Now all eyes are on this Sunday, when more bonecrushing contests will take place. Commissioner's choice of Game to Watch? The Meathooks-Bumlookers match at 2 in the afternoon. Orc vs orc, and the result can only be green and hurty. See you then!
Now all eyes are on this Sunday, when more bonecrushing contests will take place. Commissioner's choice of Game to Watch? The Meathooks-Bumlookers match at 2 in the afternoon. Orc vs orc, and the result can only be green and hurty. See you then!
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