Farmboys Fed to Carnosaurs

Bryag Mudrake once again, with a report from the Darkmire Bog where the Darkmire Carnosaurs are hosting the Stargazin' Farmboys for a meet'n'eat. The game has attracted an impressive 32000-plus fans, with a substantial edge to the local lizardmen. Looks like even the boys at Dago's Bog are wary of coming to this mud-filled swamp of a playing field. Rumor has it that the Carnosaurs themselves are dissatisfied with their playing field, and are looking to renovate it, and getting some advice from the Farmboy handlers as to how they turned Most Likely Swamp Post from bog to arid desert. In the meanwhile though the two teams square off in the mud on this pleasant, if breezy day. The Carnosaurs win the toss, and elect to receive.

The first drive sets the tone for much of the match; as the Farmboy frontline crumples like cardstock under the mighty fists of the saurii, the skinks dash upfield. Even the usually pushy Grimjaw the Wise gets into the spirit, as "Big Sea" Trepiaux goes down with his leg bending in places it shouldn't. Apothecaries manage to set the bone, but he will still miss the next game for rehab purposes. Reedrush nabs the ball, and starts his run upfield, but teammate Swiftclaw is sent tumbling while trying to knock down one of the human catchers running interference, holding up the play. This is all the opportunity Arnie "Are Too" Dieter needs to send Reedrush sprawling, but Bruce Lard tripps up trying to get the ball! The mighty Lashtail runs down Dieter, giving Puddlejumper a chance to snatch up the ball, and run it in for the first touchdown of the game!

Now the Farmboys need to mount a strong offense, and short of the guarding abilities of Trepiaux, to boot. Stealing a play from the famed Blackwater Bilgerunners, the humans attempt a lopsided offense to drive up along the side of the field. A breeze kicks up and tosses the ball off-course, but the kick still lands in play, as the Farmboys try and shove the Saurii off to the side, and tie up enough defenders to build a trench in the wide zone. The play is almost devastated as Duke Stywalker's pass to the new catcher, Willy Dee Billiams, is dropped! The ball lands behind Billiams, and the Saurii start pounding their way to the ball, with an angry Grimjaw continuing his reign of terror by taking down yet another Blitzer, this time Bruce Lard, and breaking another limb; an arm this time! Once again, the wandering apothecaries bought on inducements seem to be doing the bare minimum required of them, and Bruce will also be missing his team's next game. Fortunately for the Farmboys, the human team has learned from the Bilgerunners' mistakes, and have enough coverage around the ball to keep the Carnosaurs from picking it up, although not enough to keep them from severely menacing whomever tries to grab it. With phenomenal courage, or perhaps liquor-fueled indifference, Dan Solitaire steps coolly into the shadow of the Saurii, and with screams of encouragement and threats of violence from Duke Stywalker, picks up the ball, dodges out of harm’s way, and dashes for the safety of his teammates. As the Darkmire crew scramble to deal with this unlikely occurrence, Pondskipper trips up trying to get into Solitaire's way, freeing him up to rush the ball to the target!

With plenty of time remaining in the first half, The humans kick into the wind towards the saurii. landing the ball directly between the wall of muscle and scales of the saurus frontline and the crafty eyes and nimble fingers of Windwhip the skink. Once again, there is terror on the line of scrimmage, as the now badly undermanned human front line begins to collapse, with Owen Lard getting knocked unconscious. Coverage on the sidelines is just barely enough to trip up the wily skink Mudrunner, giving the human team a chance - a very small chance - to grab the ball. Once again, steeling his nerves with a shot from a smuggled hip-flask, Solitaire runs for the ball, dodging past saurii and skinks, only to be tripped up at the last second and land hard on the ball! Another bad block by the saurii allows one final chance, as Chris "Zed" Malcolm runs for Windwhip and tries to bowl him over, but the crafty skink sidesteps the charging lineman, scoops up the ball with perfect precision, and dashes it up-field to a waiting Puddlejumper, who had managed to slide away during the confusion, and is in perfect position to run it in for the Carnosaurs' second touchdown. A final kick to the Farmboys allows coach Kessel to put the finishing touches on human strategy, the Saurii a chance to redesign their defenses, and Duke Stywalker time to provide Willie Dee Billiams with some catching practice before time runs down on the half.

The second half sees Owen Lard recover enough to return to the line as the saurii kick to the humans once again. A mighty cheer goes up for the Carnosaurs, as the ball bounces off Artie Dieter's head and lands directly behind him on the line of scrimmage. Once again, the "Kessel Run", strategy is employed, as humans shove saurii over to form a clear trench for their catchers. This time, Williams is already into the trench as duke grabs the ball, and makes no mistake in grabbing it. The skinks are better prepared for this strategy now, and clog up the end of the trench in a sacrificial play against the human linemen. Meanwhile, Grimjaw the Wise sinks his fists into another human, sending "Hobby" Oldfield flying with a familiar "Man being eaten by crocodile" scream and a sickening thump, condemning him to the infirmary for the rest of the game. The skinks at the end of the trench refuse to be knocked over, nimbly dodging into ever more difficult positions for the catchers to overcome. With one final blitz, Billiams shoves a skink, dodges into the clear, then charges in for the touchdown! The score is now tied at 2-2, but there's plenty of time left for the Carnosaurs to regain the lead!

The lizardmen show their hunger on this kick, as they manage a quick snap, storming after the humans! Once again, frontline Farmboys get bowled over, with "Zed" Malcolm knocked out cold. "Porky" Hootkins tried to escape the carnage to grab the ball, but was tripped up, joining Zed for a quick nap. Meanwhile the skinks are once again deep into Farmboy territories, and Reedrush delivers the ball to the waiting hands of Pondskipper. Alas, Pondskipper's hands must be muddy form the field conditions, as he fails to get a handle on the ball! Once again, Solitaire is close enough to step into heavy coverage and nab the ball, and he fires off a desperate pass to Arnie Dieter, but the throw is wild! As Duke Stywalker gets up from saurus Daggermaw's blitz, he finds the pass sailing to him, and catches it! A brief moment of realization crosses between man and lizard as they both look at the ball, then at each other. Daggermaw reacts first, smashing Stywalker to the ground, as Reedrush runs back to pick up the ball, but whatever was coating Pondskipper's hands must have been coating the ball now, as it slipped from Reedrush's claws. Seeing one more opportunity to shine, Williams dodges out of coverage and runs downfield in a desperate attempt, and Solitaire once again tries to dodge out to grab it, but the lizards aren't falling for this old trick again. Pondskipper trips up Solitaire, and both catchers are now smashed and covered by hulking saurii, while Reedrush tries once again to pick up the ball, succeeding, and running it in for a touchdown!

There isn't much time for another touchdown, so things will have to be perfect for the human team, despite being a man down. Once again Kessel's Run strategy is employed, but this time, Williams is outrunning the defense, trying to get as far upfield as possible to get the touchdown. Duke Stywalker picks up the ball from where the wind blew it, and lobs off a beautiful long pass to Billiams! But with the potential for big rewards, the risks must be braved. The pounding continues as Owen Lard is once again knocked out, this time by Daggermaw. The human coverage is now insufficient to protect Billiams from the rampaging might of the saurii, who knock him down, and free up the ball. With chances for victory quashed, Arnie Dieter attempts to run down Reedrush, but trips on lizard tails and injures himself. He'll be back for the next game. The Carnosaurs see one last chance for a coup de grace touchdown, as Windwhip grabs the ball and tries to pass off to Mudrunner. The pass sails off and lands in an empty field as the whistle blows, ending the game at 3-2 for the Carnosaurs!

Match MVP honours went to Reedrush for his usual standards of excellence, and to Willie Dee Billiams for his excellent rookie performance. Postgame recognitions also go to Grimjaw the Wise for his ability to assist on the face of adversary, while Billiams goes in to learn how to take a hit from Solitaire. That's all for us here at the Bog, where loads of peat are now being shipped in to try and reduce the mud! I'll be back with more bone-grinding Bilgerunners action as they take on the Grenedale Lesionnaires next week!

Spinebreakers Edge Carnosaurs in the Bog

With the sun shining through the parting mists of the Bog, Tuesday saw the third of four quarterfinal matches, as the Darkmire Carnosaurs played host to the Razor Hill Spinebreakers. The crowd favoured the home team, likely as hardly anyone but the Carnosaurs themselves know how to properly navigate Darkmire without being eaten by a rampaging ultragator. The Spinebreakers did win the coin toss, however, and elected to receive for the opening play.

Despite a gust of wind sweeping over the playing field, Kiro Stormaxe was able to field the ball cleanly and hand it off to goblin newcomer Huck Skudfungus, who braced himself as Zor Loneblow lifted him high in the air for a throw downfield. Regrettably, Skudfungus was not well-gripped by the troll, and fell back to the ground, barely landing safely. The Carnosaurs were ready for such an opportunity, and Wildfang the saurus crashed headlong into Skudfungus, knocking the ball and several teeth loose. What was not according to the lizardmen's plans was the ball squirting free and bouncing directly into the arms of Kiro Stormaxe once more. Kiro was off like a shot, breaking for the far side of the field, looking for an open running lane. The Spinebreakers' blockers were happy to make one for him, and were given no trouble from the larges lizard on the pitch, the thoughtful Grimjaw the Wise, who seemed to be absorbed in much more cosmic consideration. Assisted by line orc Mok Rawtar and blitzer Galthuk Battlewail, Kiro Stormaxe plowed past the saurus line and through the skink secondary, until finally crossing the goal line for the game's opening point.

The orc drive had taken up much of the first half, but the Carnosaurs were the faster team and could still plan for a touchdown before the halftime gong. The kickoff, though high, was not fielded cleanly by Reedrush. Fortunately, it took a favourable hop and he was on the ball in a flash after it landed. The orcs showed some speed of their own, coupled with good play-reading, and Godan Rockmaul headed off Reedrush before he could break past the line of scrimmage. The ball skittered away to Mudrunner, but he too was bowled over by Rockmaul, and before another skink could get his claws on the ball, time had expired.

As the game resumed, the Carnosaurs' skinks made ready for a speedy return and a tying score. Mudrunner was quick to recover the football and hand off to Reedrush, but orc blitzer Soran Steelfury gave the lizardmen a case of deja vu, tackling the skink to the ground and stripping the ball free. Somehow, in the ensuing mess of bodies, Kiro Stormaxe emerged from the pile, ball in hand, covered in tiny bite marks. Seeing this, the blockers and troll started to push forward, making as much room for their star blitzer as possible. When things jammed up against a wall of saurus blockers, Kiro moved laterally to find a new opening. Finding nothing, he unloaded a pass to fellow blitzer Steelfury, but the pass was bad and the ball was dropped.

Seizing the opportunity and the chance at a bit of heroism, Reedrush dared to be great in lining up Steelfury for a hit...only to crumple like a cardboard battlement on impact. Reedrush was dragged off the field, having sustained some bruised ribs and wounded pride. His attack may have been enough to delay the orc drive, though. Failing to get out of coverage cleanly, Soran Steelfury fell to the earth, leaving the football unguarded. In came Windwhip, the number ten skink on the Carnosaurs squad,gathering up the ball and falling in behind a wall of saurus line lizards. Coursing up the sideline en masse, Windwhip handed off to teammate Pondskipper, who was uncatchable in his drive to the end zone. The game now tied, it would remain a battle of wills and strength to win the day.

Some intense shouting from the orc coaching staff brought the greenskin players out of their lost-lead funk, so much that at the start of the very next drive, Kolark Bonefist drove himself headlong into Threehorns the saurus, cracking the latter's bone helmet and giving the large lizard a serious concussion. Almost immediately thereafter, Borgosh Hellrage slammed Wildfang to the ground, knocking him out and creating an even bigger size gap between the two squads. With Kiro Stormaxe getting ahold of the ball, the orc line pushed forward as one determined beast, held up in spots briefly by the brave, but outmatched, skink secondary. Focusing all their attention on Kiro, the lizardmen were caught off-guard when he handed off to hard-working Godan Rockmaul, who burst through the defenders and, as the dying seconds ticked away, won the game for the Spinebreakers. They were on their way to meet the Fly-by Knights in the semifinals.

MVP awards for this match went to Mok Rawtar, whose shifty play mirrored that of his teammate Rok Straglash, and Swiftclaw, who has displayed his development as a specialized receiver in the diverse Carnosaurs offensive playbook.

One quarterfinal match to go, sportsfiends: When the Blueriver Wardoves face off against the Sun Temple Chupacabras, we'll have our semifinals set, and another chapter in the MMBBL's marching history written! Until next time.

Norse Storm into the Bog

More than 27,000 fans watched the Darkmire Carnosaurs take on the Asgard Raiders at the Bog this past Tuesday, and while many of them had bundled up for the uncharacteristic blizzard conditions that were prevailing, the start of the game saw the snow and wind pass on down the coast, leaving a clear, if chilly sky above the stadium.

The norsemen won the coin toss and set their offense to receive the first kickoff. What they weren't counting on was that the Carnosaurs wanted the ball even more than they did. Off like a shot on the blitz, Reedrush retrieved the ball and slinked in behind several saurus for protection. The Raiders crashed on them like surf on the shore, and soon enough Reedrush emerged from the wall of reptiles to scramble in for a quick touchdown.

As the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." The Raiders were far more watchful on their next drive. Egor Longrow was first to field the ball as his teammates brought their collective strength to bear against a line of powerful saurus. waiting for an opening, Longrow found his target downfield and Kari Quickstride made certain of the catch. Several skinks went after Quickstride, but the wily runner had no trouble escaping their coverage, and just like that the game was tied at one.

Not being fooled again simply wasn't enough for the Raiders. On the ensuing kickoff, it was their turn to catch the Carnosaurs' offense flat-footed, as they stormed over midfield and practically hurled themselves at the freshly-kicked football. A mess of bodies both reptilian and mammalian followed, with Reedrush the skink eventually emerging with the prize. Clearing a path for his smaller teammate was Threehorns, who seriously mashed lineman Tyr Warriov, leaving it to the apothecaries to patch the mangled man back together. With time too short for another touchdown before half, Reedrush simply lobbed a pass to teammate Mudrunner to pad his stats a bit.

After the break, with the lizardmen receiving, the ball came to Windwhip, who fell in behind his line of massive saurus and the mighty kroxigor known as Grimjaw the Wise. The Carnosaurs churned through sections of the Norse line like so much butter, but was stripped of the ball by a desperate lineman's long reach. Egor Longrow once again got his hands on the ball and found one of his team's hired journeymen in the open. The man known simply as number six charged past any likely defenders in the Carnosaurs' backfield, and put the Raiders on top with their second score of the match.

The Raiders' kick was high on the next kickoff, and Reedrush fielded it well, hoping to get a jump on the defense and pull his team even on the scoreboard. Again, the mighty Threehorns took it upon himself to clear the way, running over lineman Sigfinn Runwald who would not return for the remainder of the game. The lizardmen made their push, but in the crush of bodies, Reedrush was taken down with injuries that will sideline him for a week at least. Egor Longrow found the lost ball and lobbed it downfield, away from everyone, and as it bounced, forgotten, on the pitch, the final whistle sounded the 2-1 victory for the Asgard Raiders.

Match MVPs were Egor Longrow of the Raiders, whose unshakable resolve led his team to the win, and Wildfang of the Carnosaurs, who made his presence well known on the line all day.

As the playoffs approach, we begin to see who the contenders are, who the pretenders are, and who the return-to-senders are as well. There are still challenge matches yet to be played, though, so don't go thinking there won't be a few surprises!