Deadites Dethrone Spike! Tournament Champs

The MMBBL Dungeonbowl playoffs have begun, and the excitement is building right from the get-go, as the upstart Drudgetown Deadites hosted the underachieving champions, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, at the Pit in Drudgetown this past weekend. It was a gorgeous day for a game, and the Spinebreakers would start on offense, as the Deadites won the toss and opted to defer.

As the ball took to the sky, an immense cheer went up for the Deadites, whose fans were living a veritable dream of an inaugural season. The ball came down not far from orc hero Kiro Stormaxe, who had been having a comparatively quiet season thus far. Stormaxe moved up behind troll blocker Zor Loneblow and handed off to the previously-unseen Chuck Skudfungus, who looked ready to go for a ride. With all in readiness, Loneblow scooped up the goblin in an attempt to toss him downfield, but overdid it on the wind-up and dropped Skudfungus back to the ground! With an ineffectual kick to the troll's massive foot, Skudfungus let him know he was still there, and before the pressing Deadite defense could make a move for the ball, the goblin was airborne again, and on target this time. Soaring over the heads of the Deadites' defense, Skudfungus landed expertly and stormed into the end zone to give the orc squad the early lead.

Now the test would come for the Deadites, to see if they could really hang in and bang with the big boys of the MMBBL. A high, drifting kick from the Spinebreaker defense helped their cause, but Klaatu Nikto wasn't able to pull it down cleanly. Instead the ghoul picked it up and held his ground while the Deadite line soundly thumped the orc line back off of midfield. Still, the Deadite offense wasn't making much headway, and the Spinebreakers met their charge at every turn, stifling the forward motion and keeping them well out of range of the end zone. Eventually, the pressure wore through, and Klaatu's pass to the wight X Morte went off course and fell free. Who should jump on it, then, but Kiro Stormaxe, who seemed to have had enough of conservative play. X Morte quickly recovered, however, and returned the favour to Stormaxe, sending the ball free yet again! Bobbled by Klaatu, the ball bounced around in the growing scrum, until finally it was somehow reeled in by zombie line-chump Goody Little Two Shoes. His elation was muffled by an onrush of angry greenskin, though, as blitzer Galthuk Battlewail stripped the ball from him and sent things back into chaos. Just as it seemed that Soran Steelfury of the Spinebreakers had got his mitts safely around the prize, the whistle for halftime blew, and both teams retreated to the locker rooms with the score one to nothing for the orcs.

Both squads appeared to be fired up when they came out for the second half, but perhaps a little too fired up. taunts began to fly between the two teams - words like "Bumstick" and "Kiro the Zero" were heard, and before too long a brawl broke out at midfield. It took some time for officials to get things sorted out, and there was some speculation that it was a ploy by the Spinebreakers to eat up the Deadites' chances of tying the game. in any case, the orcs kicked off eventually, and Varata Nikto was the first on the ball. Angry and frustrated, the Deadites put on a vicious display of offensive determination led by the snarling Wanna Little, who upended line orc Mok Rawtar awkwardly, resulting in a trip tot he infirmary for the normally stalwart greenskin. Calmly, Varata handed the ball off to the illustrious Klaatu, and the orc defense shifted their attention accordingly. Just as they were closing in, however, the Deadites reversed their strategy! Klaatu handed the ball back on the reversal, and Varata tossed to a now unattended Boomstick, who charged down the sideline en route to the goal line. Blitzer Godan Rockmaul made an attempt to stop the wily werewolf, but couldn't keep up, and the score was then tied at one.

With precious little time remaining, the Spinebreakers once again turned to the suspect bravery of Chuck Skudfungus. The Deadites, of course, saw this coming a mile away, and coordinated their defense to match. Skudfungus soared skyward from the mighty arms of Zor Loneblow, and landed adequately to boot! The dream in the little goblin's heart died, though, when the outstretched foot of Varata Nikto caught him as he tried to squeeze through to the endzone. The game was going to need overtime to find resolution! Unfortunately for the Spinebreakers, line orc Mok Rawtar, freshly returned from his brief stint in the doctor's office, would not be a part of it. Rawtar was bowled over yet again by Boomstick, and while not seriously injured, thought better of playing anymore and hit the showers early.

it would appear that old habits die hard, or in the case of the undead, not completely in any respect. The teams were once again at each others' throats before halftime could get underway, but this time the officials broke the affair up quickly thanks to the latest addition to the team, a deathroller with "2 serv n' prutek" painted crudely on the side. Never before has there been such a clear example of NOT fighting the law and the law very handily winning. The two teams were separated, the clock reset, and the game finally underway once more.

Now that the way was cleared for sanctioned, legal violence, Zor Loneblow wasted no time in squishing zombie blocker Ramming Speed underfoot. the undead being what they are, Mr. Speed was dragged back to the dugout to regenerate. Deadite retaliation was not far behind, though, as Boomstick shifted his attention to rookie line orc Ulrike Stonehide, whom he dropkicked into next week. The orcs stayed alert and moved about to cut off any offensive entry from the Deadites. Finally, with everyone in position, Soran Steelfury burst over the line and stripped the ball cleanly from a bewildered Klaatu Nikto, who appeared to be entirely concerned with getting away from his attacker. Kiro Stormaxe roared up behind his fellow blitzer and got hold of the ball, hoping to put the game away himself.

Back on the line of scrimmage, out of Stormaxe's peripheral vision, things weren't going anywhere near as well as he'd hoped. the hulking Frankenberry had laid out Orok Deathbane, crushing the black orc's hip and ending his season, while Godan Rockmaul fell under a blow from the completely uncontrollable Boomstick, marking the werewolf's third casualty of the day. Desperate and out of options by now, Kiro Stormaxe covered his eyes and lobbed the ball as far as possible into no-man's land. Wanna Little of the Deadites was closest to it, and scampered back with his tongue hanging out the side of his grinning mouth. Galthuk Battlewail made a move to stop the rushing Deadite, but was stiffarmed aside. The orcs were losing the numbers game, and Wanna Little was ditching coverage all the way back down the pitch. With little remaining to oppose him and no hop of catching up, the orcs could only watch as Wanna Little high-stepped into the endzone to give the Deadites the lead.

Only one hope remained for the Spinebreakers, and once again it was Chuck Skudfungus. The Deadites could put it away before he even got a chance for heroics, though, and put it away they did. The shallow kick was well out of range of the more mobile Spinebreakers, and never even got to Skudfungus before time ran out. The Deadites had pulled off the upset and completed the championship hangover that was the Spinebreakers' season.

MVPs of the match were Goody little Two Shoes of the Deadites, and Godan Rockmaul of the Spinebreakers for some great defensive work in the losing cause. Zor Loneblow also earns a nod for dominating the line of scrimmage and helping his fellow linemates out to boot.

Be sure to check back soon for more playoff updates!

Dungeonbowl 2009: Location and Brackets Revealed!

It's GO time, sports fiends! The brackets for the 2009 Dungeonbowl are set, as well as the location! This year' championship game will take place on the snow-kissed slopes of the Oberklunk mountains, at Midgard Battlefield. While the Asgard Raiders, proprietors of the arena, are away looting and pillaging, they have graciously welcomed the MMBBL back into their home on the condition that the finals match be worthy of a flaming funeral boat or two. And now, on to the brackets!

In Bloodbath division, the first round bye goes to the Darkmire Carnosaurs, who have been practically unstoppable this season, as well as quite literally undefeated.

The 2nd-ranked Stargazin' Farmboys, not entirely sure of how they got there, will take on the resurgent 7th-place Bleakwood Breakers at Most Likely Swamp Port.

The Bloodsand Blasters control the 3rd seed and will host the 6th-place Ibisi A-Nile-Ators in a heavily anticipated regional battle at Bad Block Pyramid.

The 4th spot is held by the Drudgetown Deadites, who will stare down the returning champions from the Spike! tournament, the 5th-seeded Razor Hill Spinebreakers, in the Pit.

Deathdealer Division's first-round bye goes to the Blackwater Bilgerunners, whom many are expecting to meet the Darkmire Carnosaurs in the finals a few weeks from now.

2nd place is held by a bewildered Grenedale Lesionnaires squad, who hold the league's only spotless casualty record. They'll host the 7th seed, in this case the Fjord Rangers who are shuffled over from Bloodbath's brackets. The game will take place at the Linitis Plastica Centre.

The 3rd-place squad, the Shattered Plains Rampage, nearly beat the aforementioned Bilgerunners, which would have shaken up the brackets significantly. Look for them to bring their best game when they face the mean-spirited dwarves on the 6th-place Dark Iron Dreadnaughts squad at Shattered Plains Arena.

The 4th-and-5th-seed game, featuring a repeat of last week's regular season match, will have the Sun Temple Chupacabras hosting the Lurkers of Azzilizza at the Sun Temple, in an all-jungle slugfest.

We'll have match results as they happen, sports fiends, so stay tuned!

Victory isn't Always Pretty

This Tuesday, the Blueriver Wardoves hosted the Razor Hill Spinebreakers to determine who would come away with the coveted Spike! Tournament trophy. The weather was fine and the crowd sufficiently rowdy, all that was left to do was flip the coin and let slip the dogs of war. The two big dogs on the field this day were the quick, agile, and well-groomed Prince Moranian, and the big, big and very big Ripper.

As the elves kicked off to the orcs, it became evident that more that the usual amount of dogs had been, as it were, let slip. The kick sailed out of bounds and, by some terrible happenstance, hit the recent winner of the Miss Blueriver Pageant square in the face, dislodging several teeth, bending her nose awkwardly, and blackening her eye beyond even the most desperate of mascara touch-ups. Enraged by this affront to beauty, the elf fans stormed the pitch, apparently deciding to blame this affront to beauty on the least beautiful things on the field, namely the Spinebreakers. As the dust settled, nearly three quarters of the greenskin squad lay half-conscious on the ground, giving the Wardoves a fantastic opportunity to steal a quick point.

Luckily for the orcs, a few competent players yet remained standing, including line orc Mok Rawtar, who got the ball out of the path of the onrushing elves and fell in behind a pair of blockers who miraculously remained on their feet. The Wardoves pride themselves on their mobility, however, and blitzer Albiir Featherdeath put that skill on display early, ducking in around the protection to knock Rawtar over and the ball loose. Now as the rest of the orc team came out of their collective daze, they began to crowd the ball and keep anyone at all from picking the thing up. Prince Moranian, seeing an opportunity to strike, burst forward and laid out orc blocker Kolark Bonefist, dropping the hefty fellow onto the ball itself. The football bounced and rolled about in the pile of bodies, until it eventually found its way into the sausage-like grasp of Mok Rawtar once more!

Once again, Albiir Featherdeath moved to knock the lucky line orc senseless, but this time Rawtar was ready for him, dropping the elf on his backside with a thud. The orc line pressed steadily forward. Tsih Killwillow then made a rush of his own, lining Rawtar up for a dropkick, but only succeeding in stifling the orc's pace for a moment. Still, the orcish line surged forward! Finally beinging their physical skills to bear against the elves, the orcs began to shape the drive the way they would like it, first as blocker Borgosh Hellrage put out Ellbin Ivythorn's lights, and soon after as Ripper singled out Prince Moranian from the press of bodies and stunned the elven star, further clearing a path for the orc runner. With a mighty heave the orc line surged once more, but the final charge that the elves were anticipating from Mok Rawtar never came. With a rare act of selflessness, the line orc handed the ball off to teammate Kiro Stormaxe, and of course, Kiro being Kiro, the blitzer was out of coverage like a bolt of green lightn ing and into the end zone for the first point of the game.

The Wardoves were not discouraged, however. An offense with their speed and grace would not be discoraged by the amount of time the orc drive had chewed up, and neither were they bothered when the Spinebreakers burst quickly over the center line on a blitz. With Prince Moranian plowing a path through the orcs' line, Tsih Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose charged downfield like two birds of prey diving for a juicy Blueriver salmon. Several other elves made a move to surround and protect the football, and when Galthuk Battlewail laid a hit on Albiir Featherdeath, the elf blitzer calmly rolled with the hit, grabbed the ball from the gorund and ducked out of harm's way! Handing off quickly to the recently-returned Bendark Mossfang, Featherdeath provided protection as his quarterback hurled the ball downfield to the waiting Angruil Grimmrose, but the play was spoiled when Grimmrose failed to reel the ball in safely. The whistle blew and the half ended, with the Razor Hill Spinebreakers up one to nothing.

With play resuming, the Wardoves lined up to receive the kickoff. Quick movement on their part opened up the field for them early on, and the the kick was very deep, Bendark Mossfang was able to get to the football before the orc defense became a threat. With coverage pressing in, Mossfang made his choice and fired a pass to Tish Killwillow, but the pass drifted and fell to the ground. One can hardly blame Mossfang for the miscue, as he was tormented from start to finish on this drive by Godan Rockmaul, who shoved him down and kicked mud in his face at every opportunity. Away from the play, line orc Rok Straglash made his bid for most brutal play of the game by grabbing elf receiver Angruil Grimmrose by the shoulders and faceplanting him into the pitch. Grimmrose was in rough shape, but some attention from the Wardoves' medical staff fixed him up quickly. Tsih Killwillow, for his part, had no such trouble on his side of the field, cartwheeling past a blocker, leaping over the heads of two blitzers, grabbing the ball and dodging his way into the end zone, as well as the hearts of Blueriver Wardoves fans everywhere, tying the game at one.

With a high kick, the orc drive was back underway, and Kiro Stormaxe started things off by coolly fielding the kick and getting on his way up the pitch. The toweing Ripper lended a very big hand by knocking out line elf Bendyrm Cloudrender, and blockers Brakgul Bloodsnarl and Orok Deathbane did their part by crashing through the elves' defensive formation to set up the front side of a textbook orc running cage. The cage is strong, but never foolproof when the other side is just as determined as the cage team, and Prince Moranian proved this with a key blitz, wrestling a surprised Kiro Stormaxe to the dirt and freeing the ball to skitter away into the dogpile. A desperate grab by the freshly-returned Angruil Grimmrose was a bust, and the ball bounced on, this time into the waiting hands of Soran Steelfury. With a yell of triumph to alert his teammates, Steelfury triggered an herculean blocking frenzy which scattered the elf defenders left and right, clearing a path for the blitzer to dodge away from coverage and high-step his way over the goal line. Precious little time remained on the clock, and the moans from the saddened home crowd were drowned out by the roar of the visiting orc supporters.

The Wardoves, for their part, lost with grace. Pulling back from the line on the ensuing kickoff, Bendark Mossfang tossed a pass to Tsih Killwillow, and the Wardoves, without the time needed to make a nother trip to the end zone, bowed to their opponents as time expired. The Razor Hill Spinebreakers, roaring with the thrill of victory, had succeeded where so many other orc teams had failed. Honouring their ancestors and the entire orcish nation alike, this rough-around-the-edges group of green greenskins showed that, at least for today, Might does indeed make Right.

Despite the loss, the Wardoves have cause for celebration. Despite brutal injuries that would have sent lesser teams into a collective fetal crouch, the elves rebounded again and again from adversity, and one elf in particular had something big to show for it. Flanked by the gorgeous models from Spike! Magazine's "Swimsuit and Siege Weaponry" calendar, Tsih Killwillow was awarded the Spike! player of the year award. Look for his picture on the cover of Spike! next month, as well as his usual appearances in the Wardoves' calendars, posters, and limited edition collectors' plates!

MVP awards for the Spike! tournament finals went to Prince Moranian on the Wardoves' side, and to Galthuk Battlewail of the Spinebreakers for some keen, mean defensive play.

Talk about an underdog run, folks! Fighting their way through lizardmen, humans and elves, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers pulled through with just the latest in a long line of thrilling victories to claim their place in MMBBL history. Will they duplicate their success in the coming Winter season? Keep it locked on the MMBBL to find out!

Marathon Match: The Beard and the Beautiful

What a match! What a match, folks.

In the Deathdealer division finals this past week, with the Blueriver Wardoves visiting the Smash and Go'nads in a packed house at Fjord Stadium, MMBBL history was made as the longest match to date took double overtime to resolve. While we at the press office do our very best to convey the essence of the sport to you, we can truly say this time that for the full effect, you had to be there.

With regular favourite Prince Moranian taking the field with his elven comrades, and rookie line elf Kebler Fernblade making his debut, the Wardoves won the opening coin toss and chose to receive first. A high kick was fielded by Tsih Killwillow, and the offensive charge was spearheaded by Moranian, though the dwarves did well in holding the line. As Killwillow moved into the safety of a wide cage of offensive protection, Angruil Grimmrose coursed down the sideline on his familiar route. The dwarves began to show their might however, as Holden McGroin knocked out blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow and Gil T. Azell laid out Pynian Grassripper. With his protection collapsing, Killwillow left the pocket and dashed forward, leaving the Go'nads defenders in the dust before tossing the ball to Grimmrose, who was into the end zone for the first point before you could say "two-in-one shampoo and conditioner".

The following kick by the Wardoves was bad, and sailed out of bounds. Dick Gozinia started the play with ball in hand and began his march upfield. Leading the charge, of course, was the immense influence of Cludge Slamboni and his custom deathroller, the latter rolling right over the hapless Kebler Fernblade, putting the elf out of contention and likely eliminating his chances of competing through the rest of the playoffs. Intent on retaliating, elf blitzer Albiir Featherdeath charged headlong at dwarf runner Adam Meway, but would up knocking himself out when he was caught in the chin by Meway's helmet as the shorter player turned to face his assailant. Meanwhile, Dick Gozinia continued his steady pace up the middle of the pitch. Angruil Grimmrose made his bid to show his skill both defensively and offensively, leaping at Gozinia with the hope of knocking the ball free - but Dick stiff-armed the receiver into an early nap and kept wading through the pile-up towards his goal. nothing the elves could throw at him seemed to stick, and what's worse, Cludge Slamboni had turned his attentions to the talented Prince Moranian! With a sickening crunch, Moranian was trampled into the dirt, and was later dragged off-field and airlifted by wyvern to the Star Players' Special Hospital and Spa. With the way paved neatly as Herb Eaverstinks abruptly knocked out Tsih Killwillow, Dick Gozinia trundled his way into the end zone to tie the match at one apiece.

Little time remained int he opening frame, but the elves did manage to gain control of the ball, and the newly re-awakened Albiir Featherdeath managed a pass to Angruil Grimmrose before time expired. With an enthusiastic crowd and great efforts by both sides, the Deathdealer Division championship was looking like a great game already.

With the second half, many boos rained down from the elf sections of the audience, as the highly illegal Cludge Slamboni returned to the pitch. Later reports suggest that when the head referee noticed that every wagon close to his own int he parking lot outside was crushed to splinters, he decided that the deathroller was, in fact, a highly advanced form of protective codpiece. With the ruling, Slamboni wheeled his codpiece into place on the field and the second half was underway.

On the kickoff, the Wardoves were quick to jump out across half and make their move to get the ball before the dwarves knew what was going on. The dwarves were keen on this drive however, and Adam Meway had the ball securely under his arm by the time the elves were anywhere near him. From there, the Go'nads continued their punishing physical style of play, with Moe Lester and Achilles Punks knocking out Fhorin Bloodmeadow (again) and Ellbin Ivythorn, respectively. The tenacious dwarf guards seemed to have no trouble keeping the elf defense at bay, and when Albiir Featherdeath finally cracked the protection and made a hit on Adam Meway, the dwarf runner quickly dumped the ball behind himself into the waiting arms of the ever-alert Dick Gozinia. Unfortunately for him, Valandil Dreadlily was in the perfect position to drag Gozinia to the ground and knock the ball loose. Gozinia showed incredible resolve in getting back on his feet, blitzing through Dreadlily to the ball, and finally handing it off to blitzer Stu Padasso, who charged the rest of the way into the end zone, giving the Smash and Go'nads their first lead of the night.

With time of the essence, the Blueriver Wardoves now were in need of a point to keep their hopes alive. They got the help the needed in one form or another as, while Cludge Slamboni refreshed himself on the sideline, a handful of rowdy, presumably slightly-tipsy elves crashed through the South bleachers riding atop the deathroller! While most of the dwarves escaped their wrath, the Wardove Winos managed to knock a handful of them into a stupor, a situation which the elf team decided to take full advantage of. Storming over midfield, the elves quickly broke past dwarf coverage as Valandil Dreadlily got his hands on the football. Dreadlily then handed off to Dellin Finchtalon, who hurled the ball right to Tsih Killwillow, running in the clear down the sideline, catching the ball over his shoulder without stopping. Uncatchable at the best of times, Killwillow was unopposed in his run to the end zone, and with very little time left on the clock, it looked as though overtime were looming.

Again, the elves were moving quickly over the midfield line as soon as the ball was snapped. Luckily for the Go'nads, Adam Meway recovered the ball before a Wardove could lay a hand on it, and managed to hold on until time expired. To the delight of several thousand fans, this epic struggle would continue a while longer.

The Wardoves won the coin toss and began their drive in typical fashion, catching the defense off guard and immediately setting about their own style of play regardless of the opposition's tactics. Unfortunately for the elves, backup quarterback Valandil Dreadlily had some difficulty reigning in the ball from where it landed, possibly due to nerves. Eventually he got ahold of it though, and retreated with protection into the backfield while he waited for his receivers to get into the open. The receivers would prove to have a very difficult time of that, being literally up to their armpits in bearded defenders. It is, of course, nearly impossible to keep an elf caged for very long, and both Tish Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose managed to squeeze out of coverage and burst downfield. The stalwart dwarves caught up though, and Tish was knocked face-first into the pitch, leaving only Grimmrose in relative clear.

Things were going well for the elves until another bout of bad luck and brutal impact struck. dodging out of coverage to make a play, blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow took a very ugly spill, and was carted off the field with a brace around his neck. It was later learned that Bloodmeadow had actually fractured several vertebrae, and was lucky not to be paralyzed. The unfortunate meaning for the Wardoves is that their star blitzer's season is effectively over. To make matters worse, Drew Peacock finally caught up with and leveled Angruil Grimmrose, leaving the elves with very little in the way of offensive options. Desperate for a play, Dreadlily threw the ball up for Albiir Featherdeath, but the catch wasn't made, and time expired on the first overtime period with the teams still deadlocked at 2.

Depleted in number, the elves were forced to kick off to the dwarves and do their best to stop the beardy tide. Elite runner Dick Gozinia was quick to recover the ball, cutting back inside to the middle of the field and lining up behind a veritable wall of dwarves. The Wardoves managed to briefly level the playing field when Valandil Dreadlily knocked out Stu Padasso, but the Go'nads paid the elves back with interest when Phil DeGrave put Albiir Featherdeath out of the match for good. With Dick Gozinia passing midfield, the elves needed a stop, and a stop they did get. Pynian Grassripper proved the hero of the day as he knocked Gozinia down and swatted the ball free, then picked it up and hurled it with hope to Tsih Killwillow, downfield in coverage. The catch was good, and Tsih broke free, only to be pursued by Adam Meway and nearly caught once more. Tsih had all the right moves, though, and after breaking from coverage again, crossed the goal line to give the Wardoves the lead once more. A quick look to the clock confirmed the elf team's hopes - there was simply no way the dwarves could answer in time.

The final plays of the game were not much more than a formality, and at the end of it all, with a surly home crowd skulking away, the Blueriver Wardoves and their fans rejoiced in this incredible victory, and punched their tickets to the finals, back home at the Battlefield of Good Sport!

MVP awards for the match went to he Smash and Go'nads' Holden McGroin, and to the Wardoves' Bendyrm Cloudrender. Also of note were catcher Angruil Grimmrose's striking display of toughness, and Dick Gozinia's equally startling maneuverability.

The finals! Wardoves! Spinebreakers! Orcs and elves! Nothing else needs to be said - all that remains is to do.

Spinebreakers Stun Knights to Advance

Time once again for another exciting update from the MMBBL Spike! Tournament playoffs! This time, it's the highly-rated Fly-by Knights hosting the newcomer Razor Hill Spinebreakers. While the knights may have been the favourites early on, their close victory over the Pancake Valley Shortstacks may have take a toll on them, physically and mentally. The Spinebreakers, for there part, have never been more ready to smash things.

Under bright conditions the two squads met at Valor Keepe Stadiumme. By way of inducements, the Spinebreakers had acquired the services of Ripper the troll, and had also made use of some very upscale training facilities to hone themselves into gameday weapons. The Knights would benefit from both a precautionary addition to their medical staff, as well as the enthusiasm of their roaring fans.

The Spinebreakers won the coin flip and chose, unsurprisingly, to receive first. A roar from the crowd on the kickoff seemed to inspire the humans briefly, but the tide of battle would turn quickly for the greenskins. with Kiro Stormaxe fielding the kick, troll blocker Zor Loneblow launched himself towards the Knights' Barglesnart Livingstone, in what promised to be an epic struggle of two overlarge, maladjusted meatheads. The impact was truly bonecrunching, with Loneblow falling to the ground stunned, and Livingstone being seriously injured. Luckily for the ogre, the Knights' medical staff patched him up nicely, ensuring his return for the next drive. Meanwhile, sheltered by the aforementioned mountains of mayhem, Kiro Stormaxe had made his move and crossed half, a screaming green bullet en route to the end zone. Human running back Jacques Strappe made a final bid to stop him, but Stormaxe was able to fend off his efforts and stride in to register the game's first point.

From hereon in, it appeared as if the Knights had been cursed. The coaches did their best to settle their charges down, but when the next drive started, Brad Attitûd dropped a costly pass from Lance Freely and he play began to fall apart. Worst of all for the Knights, sturdy lineman Abraham Sandwich was clobbered by Ripper, and needed the efforts of the already hard-pressed apothecary crew to repair the damage to his leg. The free ball, meanwhile was pounced on by orc blitzer Galthuk Battlewail, who plowed stubbornly through the secondary and crossed the goal line, putting the Spinebreakers ahead 2-0 before the halftime whistle blew. The orcs couldn't have imagined a better start, while the humans were watching yet another campaign's hopes crumble.

The human fans, however, would rather resort to violence than despair. As the second half began, countless hooligans dressed in Knights blue and green stormed the pitch and laid waste to the orcish defense. A few managed to remain upright, but for the most part the Spinebreakers defense had been folded up and put away like laundry. The ball came to lineman Abraham Sandwich, who, seeing a opportunity to help a friend out, handed off to Barglesnart Livingstone. Ball in hand, the ogre barreled downfield and was nearly into the end zone, only to be somehow stopped dead in his tracks by a lone orc who had probably expected to be a speedbump instead of a giant-killer. Livingstone tumbled to the ground, unharmed but dazed, the ball slipping from his grasp. Fortunately for the knights, they rarely travel alone. Chet Jackweed picked up the ball and tossed it to Cyrano de Baggagerack, who completed the play and brought the Knights within a point of the Spinebreakers.

With the ball now in the orcs' possession again, the humans would need a steal if they ad any hope of victory. While the Spinebreakers started off badly when Kiro Stormaxe failed to field the kick, their spirits were lifted shortly thereafter when blocker Kolark Bonefist knocked rookie lineman Humphrey Bogatyr out. Eventually, Stormaxe got his hands on the ball and handed of to the very brave (or very foolish) Huck Skudfungus. Ripper then picked the little fellow up and hurled him downfield, and the goblin landed safely to the dismay of the hometown crowd. Out of nowhere, though, came blitzer Cyrano de Baggagerack, stripping the ball loose and saving the Knights' chances. Skudfungus recovered and got to the ball again, but couldn't get far enough away from de Baggagerack, who mashed the little greenskin much more thoroughly this time. Skudfungus was hauled away with serious concussion symptoms (which are hard to detect as goblins technically exist in concussion-like symptoms on a normal, daily basis).

On the scene to recover the ball was Victor Dashing, and with little time remaining he threw the ball on a prayer to the streaking Chet Jackweed, who caught the pass and was closing in on the end zone! It looked like there would be another overtime for the Knights, until disaster struck. Jackweed lost his footing as he fell into the crater left by Barglesnart Livingstone after his fall in the first half, and the ball squirted free before he could cross the line with it. A shocked crowd looked on as the clock burned out and the Spinebreakers began to celebrate. With a two to one victory, the orcs had made their way to the finals, and in doing so maintained the strong tradition of orc teams in the MMBBL's growing history. The Knights, however, would be cleaning out their lockers yet again - will they ever find the success they pursue so doggedly?

MVPs of this semifinal match were Wamsley Wedgeworth of the Knights and and Rok Straglash of the Spinebreakers, who mimicked his teammate Mok Rawtar's training regime of shifty, dodgey zone defense.

What remains to be seen, now, is who the Spinebreakers will face in the finals! Look for the next update soon to follow, as the Smash and Go'nads host the Blueriver Wardoves in an iconic battle of pointy ears vs. beardy beers! See you then!

Wardoves Thrill Home Crowd, Defeat Chupacabras

In front of a massive crowd of over 32,000 roaring fans, the Blueriver Wardoves played host to the Sun temple Chupacabras in quarterfinal action this past week. While the elf squad was favoured in experience, the wily Chupacabras upset them in the first week of the regular season, so it was anyone's guess who would be moving on to the semifinals. This time, the lizardmen had the added benefit of one Hemlock, known as the "stabbiest lizard who ever stabbed".

A gust of wind signaled the start of the match, with the elves kicking the ball away. Pablo Xtopilopicoatl was the skink on the spot, fielding the ball and picking his run path through up to the line, and eventually into the stifling Wardove zone defense. Up on the line, a see-saw battle of guts and grit was taking shape, with the first serious blow being dealt by line elf Dellin Finchtalon, who soundly clobbered skink runner Gecko Xtopilopicoatl. Gecko was alright, but sustained enough damage to bench the little fellow for the rest of the day. Enraged by this attack on his skilled teammate, saurus Iguanadon Quixote burst through coverage to make a retaliatory shot against the Wardoves' talent - namely talented (and recently hard-luck) thrower Bendark Mossfang. Quixote hit the elf head-on, pushing him to the earth and crushing his collarbone under the weight of several hundred pounds of concentrated reptile. The crowd was hushed as Bendark was carted off the field, lacking the strength in his arms to give even a "thumbs up" to calm the panicked young ladies in the stands. The Wardoves would be without the catalyst of their explosive offense for the rest of this game, and more time still should they advance to the next round.

Demoralized and disorganized, the elf defense was cleanly spread away by saurus aggressors. With only the briefest of delays, Pablo Xtopilopicoatl crossed the goal line to give his Chupacabras the lead. The way things had started for the Wardoves, history looked poised to repeat itself.

Steeling themselves against Fate's cruel whims, the Blueriver Wardoves started their first offensive drive with unlikely replacement quarterback Valandil Dreadlily receiving the kick. Not a single elf finger went uncrossed in the entire stadium as Dreadlily got his hands on the ball, and smartly threw his first completion of the day to the illustrious and industrious Tsih Killwillow. Forgotten was the heartwrenching departure of Bendark Mossfang, replaced by the torrent of emotion unleashed from countless young maidens as this athletic dreamboat set sail towards the end zone. With steady blocking from his linemen, Tsih cruised to an easy touchdown, backflipping into a heap of pillows and rose petals, and restoring the Wardoves' battered morale.

Not enough time remained in the first half for another score, though in the ensuing drive, the Chupacabras made their best effort to collectively mangle Tsih Killwillow. The wily catcher was not to be caught, though, and as the whistle blew for halftime, the stands were filled with the chanting of his name.

Depleted in number but bolstered in spirit, the Wardoves took the field to start their offensive drive in the second half. Once more, walk-on quarterback Valandil Dreadlily fielded the ball and set up his offense. As a surprise to everyone involved, Dreadlily changed the play almost from the outset, confusing the lizardmen and buying time for a sneaky gadget play. As the Chupacabras stormed forward, Dreadlily lobbed the ball to blitzer Albiir Featherdeath, who was in the clear and ran laterally along the line of scrimmage. With the defense shifting their focus, Featherdeath quickly found Dellin Finchtalon alone with no coverage, and passed to the superlative line elf. Before the defense could recover from yet another split-second change, Finchtalon was making long strides past the skink secondary and was across the goal line to give the Wardoves a 2-1 lead.

Not a team to panic in the slightest, the Chupacabras were confident that they could make up the difference in their own style - swift scoring lined up behind a punishing offensive line. On a quick snap on the next drive, they certainly proved the strength of the latter. Taken off-guard by the sudden movement of the lizardmen line, Tanthil Twigbreaker was blindsided by the hulking Reptar the Reprehensible and gored viciously on the saurus' bone helmet. Officials attempted to calm Mr. the Reprehensible down, but the blood was singing in his ears and no one could get near him. Eventually, once the play had moved away from the line and down the field, he caught his breath, and regained his eyesight as what was left of Tanthil Twigbreaker slid off of his helmet, hitting the pitch with a squishy thud.

Unfortunately for the Chupacabras, Reptar's strength was missed on the drive, and the elf defenders had brought the forward progress to a standstill. As the ball squirted loose, who should come across it but Valandil Dreadlily, and the elf that destiny had chosen for this match did what he knew he had to do. Lizardman coverage was everywhere, but looking downfield, Dreadlily saw glittering light in the midst of scaly darkness. Hurling the ball forward, Dreadlily found Tsih Killwillow, who reeled in a one-handed grab that had the whole stadium gasping. He landed, righted himself, and found paydirt in the end zone. Looking to the clock and the scoreboard to see his team ahead by two touchdowns, Tsih grabbed the nearest cheerleader and kissed her in a way that made everyone - even the lizardmen, to whom kissing is a sort of half-assed way of eating people - very jealous.

The two teams lined up again for the last few seconds of the match to play out - merely a formality. The final score at the buzzer was 3-1 for the Blueriver Wardoves, who will advance to the semifinals to play the Smash and Go'nads for a chance to play in the Spike! tournament finals. MVPs of the match were Tsih Killwillow of the Wardoves, whose skill in taking the aggressive attentions of the Chupacabras was nothing short of monumental, and Iguanadon Quixote of the Chupacabras, who was responsible for the crunchy crippling of Bendark Mossfang.

The semifinals are set! Orcs and Humans! Elves and Dwarves! Sometimes, it just comes back to the classics, doesn't it?

Spinebreakers Edge Carnosaurs in the Bog

With the sun shining through the parting mists of the Bog, Tuesday saw the third of four quarterfinal matches, as the Darkmire Carnosaurs played host to the Razor Hill Spinebreakers. The crowd favoured the home team, likely as hardly anyone but the Carnosaurs themselves know how to properly navigate Darkmire without being eaten by a rampaging ultragator. The Spinebreakers did win the coin toss, however, and elected to receive for the opening play.

Despite a gust of wind sweeping over the playing field, Kiro Stormaxe was able to field the ball cleanly and hand it off to goblin newcomer Huck Skudfungus, who braced himself as Zor Loneblow lifted him high in the air for a throw downfield. Regrettably, Skudfungus was not well-gripped by the troll, and fell back to the ground, barely landing safely. The Carnosaurs were ready for such an opportunity, and Wildfang the saurus crashed headlong into Skudfungus, knocking the ball and several teeth loose. What was not according to the lizardmen's plans was the ball squirting free and bouncing directly into the arms of Kiro Stormaxe once more. Kiro was off like a shot, breaking for the far side of the field, looking for an open running lane. The Spinebreakers' blockers were happy to make one for him, and were given no trouble from the larges lizard on the pitch, the thoughtful Grimjaw the Wise, who seemed to be absorbed in much more cosmic consideration. Assisted by line orc Mok Rawtar and blitzer Galthuk Battlewail, Kiro Stormaxe plowed past the saurus line and through the skink secondary, until finally crossing the goal line for the game's opening point.

The orc drive had taken up much of the first half, but the Carnosaurs were the faster team and could still plan for a touchdown before the halftime gong. The kickoff, though high, was not fielded cleanly by Reedrush. Fortunately, it took a favourable hop and he was on the ball in a flash after it landed. The orcs showed some speed of their own, coupled with good play-reading, and Godan Rockmaul headed off Reedrush before he could break past the line of scrimmage. The ball skittered away to Mudrunner, but he too was bowled over by Rockmaul, and before another skink could get his claws on the ball, time had expired.

As the game resumed, the Carnosaurs' skinks made ready for a speedy return and a tying score. Mudrunner was quick to recover the football and hand off to Reedrush, but orc blitzer Soran Steelfury gave the lizardmen a case of deja vu, tackling the skink to the ground and stripping the ball free. Somehow, in the ensuing mess of bodies, Kiro Stormaxe emerged from the pile, ball in hand, covered in tiny bite marks. Seeing this, the blockers and troll started to push forward, making as much room for their star blitzer as possible. When things jammed up against a wall of saurus blockers, Kiro moved laterally to find a new opening. Finding nothing, he unloaded a pass to fellow blitzer Steelfury, but the pass was bad and the ball was dropped.

Seizing the opportunity and the chance at a bit of heroism, Reedrush dared to be great in lining up Steelfury for a hit...only to crumple like a cardboard battlement on impact. Reedrush was dragged off the field, having sustained some bruised ribs and wounded pride. His attack may have been enough to delay the orc drive, though. Failing to get out of coverage cleanly, Soran Steelfury fell to the earth, leaving the football unguarded. In came Windwhip, the number ten skink on the Carnosaurs squad,gathering up the ball and falling in behind a wall of saurus line lizards. Coursing up the sideline en masse, Windwhip handed off to teammate Pondskipper, who was uncatchable in his drive to the end zone. The game now tied, it would remain a battle of wills and strength to win the day.

Some intense shouting from the orc coaching staff brought the greenskin players out of their lost-lead funk, so much that at the start of the very next drive, Kolark Bonefist drove himself headlong into Threehorns the saurus, cracking the latter's bone helmet and giving the large lizard a serious concussion. Almost immediately thereafter, Borgosh Hellrage slammed Wildfang to the ground, knocking him out and creating an even bigger size gap between the two squads. With Kiro Stormaxe getting ahold of the ball, the orc line pushed forward as one determined beast, held up in spots briefly by the brave, but outmatched, skink secondary. Focusing all their attention on Kiro, the lizardmen were caught off-guard when he handed off to hard-working Godan Rockmaul, who burst through the defenders and, as the dying seconds ticked away, won the game for the Spinebreakers. They were on their way to meet the Fly-by Knights in the semifinals.

MVP awards for this match went to Mok Rawtar, whose shifty play mirrored that of his teammate Rok Straglash, and Swiftclaw, who has displayed his development as a specialized receiver in the diverse Carnosaurs offensive playbook.

One quarterfinal match to go, sportsfiends: When the Blueriver Wardoves face off against the Sun Temple Chupacabras, we'll have our semifinals set, and another chapter in the MMBBL's marching history written! Until next time.

Knights Survive Scrappy Shortstacks in Overtime Thriller

No one gave the Pancake Valley Shortstacks much credit, or much of a chance, all season long in the MMBBL. All that changed on Tuesday night, as these herculean halflings stood tall against the Fly-by Knights in a playoff match for the ages.

Valor Keepe Stadiumme was a strange sight to see. The Shortstacks fans in attendance outnumbered the Knights' faithful; perhaps the human team's fans thought that the victory was assured, that they'd save their cheers for the second round. Halfling visitors gladly scooped up their tickets, though, so proud they were to see their beloved Shortstacks make the playoffs in their first season.

The Shortstacks won the coin toss and chose to receive first. Perhaps the Knights were guilty of taking their small opponents lightly, perhaps they simply misread the play, but the halflings got the jump on the first half with a quick snap, and had their familiar aerial assault underway before anyone could react. Cream Sugarfoot, one of the halflings' brightest spots this season, fielded the ball and made his way forward, hading the ball off to teammate Tub Trollfodder. Trollfodder was scooped up by Mr. Tree, and launched down the pitch like a pasty rocket. Landing safely, Trollfodder scooted past the deep Knights defense and, reaching deep down for a final surge of energy, crossed the goal line. It was one to nothing for the Shortstacks, and their enthusiasm permeated the entire stadium.

The Knights, for their part, were by no means concerned for their chances. With Silver Elbow-contender Lance Freely fielding the football, the humans set about their own brand of offense, beginning with a crunch as Victor Dashing drove Cam Sizzlespam soundly into the dirt, nearly punching the halfling's mortal clock in the process. With the path cleared by his offensive line, Freely passed the ball forward to Stanley "Stainless" Steele, who made his move upfield and was over half in no time. What worked well on offense for the halflings would prove to work well on defense too, as Barkley Hobbittosser picked up and launched the little legend, Puggy Baconbreath, sending him soaring over the heads of man and half-man alike. Baconbreath landed cleanly, right in front of a bewildered Stanley Steele, and laid the nimble receiver out with a shot to the thigh. The ball came loose, but no one could get an immediate handle on it.

As the human linemen showed dominating force on the line of scrimmage, the mobile offense began to reform itself as Steele got to his feet and retrieved the wayward ball. Hobbittosser launched another halfling in an effort to recreated his previous success, but he landed far enough away for Steele to glimpse daylight. Plowing past his waist-high coverage, Stanley got into the clear and scored the tying touchdown.

A bad kick on the ensuing Shortstacks drive put the ball in the hands of Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat, who lined up right behind Mr. Tree. Try as they did, the Knights couldn't get to Fat Fat on the blitz, and the morbidly obese little fellow was soon airborne. Right down the middle of the field he flew, and with a surprisingly nimble display of dodging, he was into the end zone to restore the Shortstacks' lead. bewildered Knights fans could only look on with mouths agape - surely they couldn't keep making this play work, could they?

The Knights themselves decided that they'd need to match pace with the diminutive Shortstacks, if only to avoid wearing themselves out with drives that went on for several minutes. Another quick snap on the kickoff gave them the jump they needed, and Lance Freely launched another pass to his favourite target, Stanley Steele. Bolting down the sideline, Steele must have been too focused on speed, unaware of a large ham that had been dropped from the stands by a careless, most likely hungry and sad fan. Steel crashed over the ham and fell flat on his face, the ball squeezing free and resting beside him. Sloth Lovechunk of the Shortstacks was the first halfling on the scene, but his priorities shifted unfortunately upon seeing the discarded ham. forgetting the prone receiver and the ball, Lovechunk actually tripped over Steele himself en route to the glazed meat, and lost consciousness upon hitting the ground. As luck would have it, following up the play was the explosive Victor Dashing, who, unimpeded by hams and men, gathered up the ball and strode into the end zone to tie the score yet again.

believe it or not, with the score tied at two, there was still plenty of time left...in the first half! Once again, the Shortstacks' standard offense ran like clockwork, and the Knights found themselves powerless to stop it. Cream Sugarfoot fielded the kick, handed off to Douche Baggins, and Barkley Hobbittosser hurled the small fellow skyward. His landing stuck, Baggins bolted through the legs of a surprised human defender, and the lead was restored once more. The crowd was going crazy, there was an electricity in the air...but more on that later.

With little time to go in the first half, the Knights received again, but thrower Lance Freely was immediately beset by both the ferocious halflings and the jeers of their fans from all around him in the stadium. Unable to get a grip on the ball, Freely was soon surrounded by Shortstacks. They pushed him aside abruptly, taking Freely out of the play, and the determined halflings surrounded the ball. Jiff Jellyroll recovered the prize, but on his way downfield, the halftime whistle sounded. The Pancake Valley Shortstacks were leading three to two - could they hold on, or would the stunned Knights recover in the second period?

As the second half started, the effects of human beer on halfling physiology became evident, as a particularly belligerent little fellow lobbed what may have been his second bottle onto the pitch, clocking young Knights receiver Brad Attitûd in the back of the head. Enraged by this, the human fans present cried out for justice. An unnamed duke in attendance took particular exception to this foul play, and hurls his gauntlet onto the field as a challenge to the drunken halfling. The gauntlet caught Shortstacks player Fatty Fat Fat square in the head, and as the large lad was haled away on a stretcher, the crowd seemed to settle down, accepting this result as a substitute for conventional satisfaction of honour.

As play finally started, The ball came to Lance Freely, who again had trouble getting a handle on it. Seizing the opportunity, Barkley Hobbittosser planted his feet and pitched a surprised Tub Trollfodder into coverage. Trollfodder made his landing, and to the surprise of all, got hold of the ball, taking off downfield, hoping to score before his stomach caught up to him. Frustrated beyond belief, Freely charged after him, finally knocking the halfling out and getting the ball back. Not willing to push his luck by holding on to it any longer, Freely passed downfield to - guess who - Stanley Steele, who made the catch and was in the clear. The only thing between Steele and the end zone was clear, open air. He didn't even notice the smell of ozone, but felt its results immediately, when from out of the blue came a bolt which stunned the hard-luck catcher and dropped him to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

On the scene quickly was Cream Sugarfoot of the Shortstacks, picking up the smoking football and running like a bullet back up to his tree folk teammates. not quite able to make it, Sugarfoot passed to Tub Trollfodder, but the pass was dropped. It was the Knights' turn to be opportunistic now, and lineman Abraham Sandwich got hold of the ball. Barkley Hobbittosser, fixing to stop this renewed Knights surge, tossed Puggy Baconbreath into the mix, and Puggy landed on target, quickly pushing Sandwich down and stripping the ball from his arms. With chaos erupting everywhere, no one noticed as Chet Jackweed coolly shoved his halfling coverage into the stands before marching up to the ball, recovering it, and plowing his way into the end zone. after much effort, the Knights had tied the game again...but would the Shortstacks simply steal the lead back?

The answer, of course, was "yes, they would". he kickoff was clean, And saw Flapjack Porkbelly pick up the ball. He handed it off immediately to Pimpley Backfat, and Mr. Tree went through the motions, lobbing Backfat downfield where he landed cleanly. Try as they might, the Knights' deep defense could not find an answer to the dodges and dekes of these crafty halflings, and Pimpley Backfat made it 4-3 for the Shortstacks with graceful ease.

Down by a point with little time remaining, the Knights needed everyone to be playing perfectly on this last drive. Lance Freely fielded the high kick, and ran forward to make his throw go as far as possible. Barkley Hobbittosser loaded up Puggy Baconbreath and prepared to throw him at Freely, looking to end the game right there - but Baconbreath's pants became fouled in some branches, and the star player fell safely but pantless to the turf. Freely flung the ball into the air, and it came down in the hands of Stanley Steele. "Stainless" was off like a shot and into the end zone, and the whistle blew. the score was four points apiece, and we were going to overtime.

The Fly-by Knights won the coin toss and, not surprisingly, elected to receive. Much to the humans' delight, the halfling kick went out of bounds, and Lance Freely started the overtime period with the ball in his hands. What didn't go over so well was the heat - for whatever reason, nature had decided to test the players against the elements. despite the adverse conditions for an already tired team, Lance Freely found Stanley "Stainless" Steele open at the sidelines. Mr. Tree of the Shortstacks wasn't about to let him get away, and picked up Tub Trollfodder to chuck in Steele's general direction. the toss was quite good, but the landing was botched, and badly. Tub Trollfodder left the game with a badly mangled ankle, likely to slow the plucky halfling down in the future. With coverage blown, Steele was home free, and the Knights were glad to take an early lead in the overtime.

With the heat stifling both teams and exhausting their numbers, the Knights kicked off to the Shortstacks. Another bad kick saw the ball come directly to Douche Baggins, who was tossed downfield by Mr. Tree, only to land well short of his goal. In a panic, staring down a line of human defenders, Baggins retreated to the safety of the halfling front line, and handed off to Puggy Baconbreath just to be safe. With the sound of Barglesnart Livingstone banging on their figurative door, the frantic Shortstacks tried again, this time to great success. Puggy was airborne and landed in a matter of moments, and once again, the humans' deep defense couldn't contain the shifty halfling offense.

As the heat persisted, several more halflings simply couldn't take it, and refused to get out of the kitchen, where their team chef was making popsicles. To make matters worse, the referees had succumbed to heat exhaustion as well, and the remainder of the match was poised to proceed however its participants saw fit. Lance Freely may have been the lone cool head on the pitch, as he shovel-passed the ball to Stanley Steele. Looking for the stop, Barkley chucked Puggy Baconbreath into the way, but the star landed squarely on top of his own teammate, Pimpley Backfat. Though there was a great deal of confusion, both emerged unharmed, and Puggy got up to give Steele a mighty shove. Steele dodged the blow neatly and turned to run laterally and find an opening. Meanwhile, the halflings began the process of evening the odds, with Jiff Jellyroll and company shoving Tad Overdrest out of bounds. Pip Pieface was next to be thrown to glory, landing right next to Stanley Steele and lending a hand as Puggy Baconbreath bore down on the receiver. The hit was true, Steele went down and the ball squirted free to Pieface, and to make matters worse for the Knights, Baconbreath then proceeded to foul Steel outright, knocking the man out cold!

Puggy Baconbreath's rampage continued as he blitzed through Abraham Sandwich, clearing the path for Pip Pieface to get to a treeman. Chucked by Barkley Hobbittosser, Pieface was unable to stick the landing, though he himself was uninjured. On the spot was Lance Freely, who saw nothing but carnage all around him. Picking up the ball, moving to avoid pursuit, he looked...and found Cyrano de Baggagerack, open and not far from the end zone! That pass was up, deep, the longest pass of the night and in recent memory...and was caught! de Baggagerack hauled the ball in and stormed over the goal line, giving the Knights the lead for the first time, and with mere seconds remaining to play.

As the players took the field once more, the heat wave broke and turned to driving rain, further complicating things for any would-be ball carriers. As the kick landed, Puggy Baconbreath made his move to retrieve the ball...and lost his grip on it. Time expired, and the Knights' faithful rejoiced. A game for the ages had been played, nearly lost, and won by their beloved Blue and Green. You couldn't ask for a more exciting finish. The Shortstacks, for their part, were cheered relentlessly by their fans despite the loss, and shook hands with the humans after the game, with newfound respect and many words of support. Don't be surprised if, the next time you hear someone say that a halfling can't play Blood Bowl, it's a human who steps up to defend the small wonders.

MVPs of this incredible match were Cream Sugarfoot, the fast moving Pancake Valley Shortstack, and lineman Wamsley Wedgeworth of the Fly-by Knights. Also worthy of accolades were the impressively sure-footed Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat, and the alert pass-defending skill of Chet Jackweed.

What a finish, Sportsfiends! And the fun's only just started, as two more playoff matches are just over the horizon - the Blueriver Wardoves renew hostilities with the Sun Temple Chupacabras, while the Darkmire Carnosaurs square off against the Razor Hill Spinebreakers. See you then!

Dwarves Cage Rats in Quarterfinal Action

After a few hiccups, we're back, with news out of the MMBBL's 2008 Spike! Tournament playoffs. Our first such match takes place at magnificent Fjord Stadium, where the Deathdealer Division-leading Smash and Go'nads played host to the Blackwater Bilgerunners to determine who would advance to the semifinals.

Receiving first, the dwarves surprised many by fielding their highly dangerous, considerably illegal deathroller on the opening drive. The Skaven had a surprise or two of their own, however, and started their defense off with a blitz, hoping to get their claws on the ball before the slower dwarf team could organize. Their priorities began to shift from scoring to survival though, when Cludge Slamboni drove his deathroller right over top of the rat ogre O'Rattigan, who was injured but cared for well by the Skaven apothecaries.

The Skaven renewed their assault as they took a run at Dick Gozinia, the ball carrier. Dick's presence of mind served him well, and he managed to dump the ball off to blitzer Stu Padasso. Meanwhile, the Skaven began to lose the numbers game as the fantastically deranged troll slayer Gil T. Azell began knocking Bilgerunners out left and right. Still, the remaining rat-men got their acts together and knocked the ball loose from Padasso, and it fell at the feet of Gimpy the linerat, who launched a beautiful pass downfield to Twinkletoes. The gutter runner must not have seen it coming, though, and the ball was dropped and back up for grabs.

The knockout parade continued, first when Jenner turned the lights out on line dwarf Drew Peacock, and then as Gil T. Azell and Adam Meway relieved linerats Twistknee and Squeesplat of their senses, respectively. the Go'nads seemed intent on getting that ball back to Stu Padasso, and eventually, Adam Meway managed a handoff to him in sight of the goal line. Padasso huffed, puffed, and brought the house down, delighting the roaring dwarf crowd with the first score of the match.

After such a struggle, there wasn't nearly enough time for the Skaven to score before halftime. Fivel Mausketrap did manage to toss a completion, but no points came of the effort. At halftime, the Smash and Go'nads held a 1-0 lead.

The iron resolve of the dwarves was evident as they took the field again - doubtlessly their coaching staff drilled it into their thick skulls that leading by one point is not good enough. On the other side of the field, it's likely that simple subtraction prevailed in the locker room, with the Skaven aware that they were sitting at something like minus-1. On the kickoff, Fivel Mausketrap fielded the ball once more, and found Dingleberry with a spiraling beauty of a pass. The dwarves were playing an active defense, and a surprisingly mobile one at that. Runners Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway were on the field, with the former giving his all to block Dingleberry's path to the end zone. Dingleberry managed to slip past the dwarf runner, only to be hit by his counterpart Adam Meway and launched into the bleachers. Meway picked the ball up and the active defense became offense once more.

Charging downfield alongside his teammate, Dick Gozinia called for the ball just as Adam Meway needed to get rid of it. Gozinia caught the quick pass, put his head down, and made his way into the end zone as time ran out on the Blackwater Bilgerunners. Undefeated in the regular season, and so far in the playoffs as well, the Smash and Go'nads are the first team to advance to the semifinals!

MVPs of the match were the Smash and Go'nads' Adam Meway, and the Blackwater Bilgerunners' Twinkletoes. Of note as well for the dwarves was the play of Stu Padasso, who made a habit of getting his hands on the ball, no matter who seemed to have it at the time.

Next up, the Bloodbath Division-leading Fly-by Knights take on the surprising Pancake Valley Shortstacks! And let me tell you, folks, it's a wild one!

Slow and Steady Sees Dirt Bursters Through

And now, the other half of the MMBBL playoff whole! With the Smash and Go'nads waiting for their opponent in the finals, all that remained was for the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and Blueriver Wardoves to determine which of them was to advance and meet the dwarves for all the marbles. You all know the Dirt Bursters - winners of three straight tournaments and favoured to repeat. The Wardoves, however, are gaining quite a following with their unique combination of skill, speed and limited edition 8x10 glossies. The ugliest of uglies and the beefcake from Blueriver - who would get their trip to the finals?

To the delight of the elven fans in attendance, the impressive Prince Moranian had joined the Wardoves to aid in their fight for glory. The extra elfpower would be most welcome indeed, for after the Dirt Bursters won the coin toss, the referee was never seen again. Suspicion surrounds a particularly noisy section of the Dirt Bursters' fans, where a rather large zombie was spotted wearing black and white stripes that didn't fit him at all. In any case, a messenger was sent to find a replacement official. In the meantime, there would be no holds barred for the first half of this semifinal tilt!

After a stellar kickoff by the Wardoves, Ned Gummers retrieved the ball and quickly joined his teammates in a protective knot of undead bodies. Sticking to their zone defense, the elves recoiled and regrouped, providing no clean avenue for Gummers to make a run at the end zone. The downside would be that some elves would still need to take the brunt of the Dirt Bursters' wrath. First on the list was Stryth Leafmauler, knocked out cold by the ever-dangerous Chunk Norton. Not even mighty Moranian was safe, as Magut the mummy lined him up for a stunning smash. A shining chance came for the elves when Tsih Killwillow, heedless of the cries from his legions of admirers, leaped directly into the undead offense in an attempt to dislodge Ned Gummers from the safety of his teammates. The attack was a partial success, temporarily disrupting the Dirt Bursters' advance. Somehow, after the other undead players realized there was an elf among them, Killwillow survived by deftly leading his assailants to shove him back out of the box. Meanwhile, Chunk Norton was seen repeatedly fouling Prince Moranian, although no referee emerged to call him for it.

Any elf maiden who hadn't previously fainted upon witnessing Tsih Killwillow's near-suicidal leaping charge soon did as he attempted a second such attack. Once again the elven heartthrob hurled himself into harm's way, shoving Ned Gummers down the line, hoping that his teammates might find a chance to strike him. Unfortunately, the only major shoving was going in the opposite direction, as Albiir Featherdeath was dispatched by Khermit of the Dirt Bursters. Carted off the field in serious pain, Featherdeath was quickly revived by Wardoves medical staff who knew that they were in no position to start losing players. Finally having enough of the interfering dropkicks, wight No Guts Bob knocked Tsih Killwillow out and opened a hole through which the slippery Ned Gummers could squeeze. lurching down the pitch, Gummers scored the first point of the match near the end of the first half. To the joy of the Wardoves fans, every elf knocked on his bottom during the first drive was ready to battle once more. Unfortunately, time wound down soon after the undead kickoff, and the score remained 1-0 through halftime.

Once they took the field again, the Blueriver Wardoves made no illusions about their high-powered airborne offense. Nearly every eligible receiver went straight down the middle of the field, and the Dirt Busters threw themselves at the elves to slow their charge. Only so much can be done against the incredibly nimble Wardoves receivers, however, and Angruil Grimmrose was out of harm's way without so much as breaking a sweat. Bendark Mossfang's clear vision and smooth throw found him, and just like that the score was tied at one.

With a near-perfect kick, the Wardoves were back on the defensive, and with a knockout blow from Magut to Bendyrm Cloudrender, the Dirt Bursters were back on the offense. Chompsalot snatched up the ball and went into the now familiar formation of absolute protective advance. Still plowing the way was Magut, this time throttling line elf Dellin Finchtalon into the infirmary, where he was fortunately restored to game shape by the medics. A near-break in the undead formation showed midway through the drive, but no elf could capitalize on the minor miscue. Once again, out of the backfield came the leaping Tsih Killwillow,but the Dirt Bursters were prepared for his antics this time. Chompsalot dealt with the free-falling catcher with ease, and Killwillow was left stunned on the pitch while the undead continued to advance. Now desperate, the elves saw their line dwindle further as Magut knocked out yet another player, this time leveling Pynian Grassripper. The final low came as ghoul runner Bahnaynay clawed through a gap in Stryth Leafmauler's armour and brought his hand out with the elf's heart as well. With the occasional cry of "Ka Li Mah" from the nearby crowd, Leafmauler fell dead to the ground, and Bahnaynay tossed the heart nonchalantly to the sidelines. Fortunately the elf doctors had enough know-how between them to repair and revive the gruesomely gutted line elf. While they worried about saving a life, however, Chompsalot had broken free of the remaining elf coverage and given the Dirt Bursters the lead once more, with barely any time left on the clock.

With the game all but in the body bag, the Dirt Bursters kicked off and, to no one's surprise, there once again was no referee present on the pitch. This time, we can safely assume that the official wanted nothing to do with what might happen after this crowd got out of the stands. Even more convenient for the Dirt Bursters was the seemingly random appearance of a meteor on the elven side of the field. The meteor proved weaker than advertised though, and the completely unlucky Stryth Leafmauler simply passed out from heat exposure. Time ran out, the game was over. A two to one victory for the returning champions.

This match's MVP awards went to Khermit of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and Dellin Finchtalon of the Blueriver Wardoves. After the match at a press conference, the Wardoves announced that line elf Mlalyn Firefawn had been moved from his on-field position to lead cheerleader for the ribbon-bearing Wardoves motivational dancers. He and a trio of comely elf maidens would round out the new cheer squad, a change in pace that we're sure Firefawn does not object to. The Wardoves also have announced the hiring of a quartet of assistant coaches to delegate the various aspects of their game. The Dirt Burster's for their part, announced that "Dwarf was back on the menu".

One more match remains, and it's the big one! Get your seats, get your popcorn, bring your jersey and your projectile weapons of choice! Tomorrow night, the BLOOD BOWL is on in the MMBBL! See you then!

Go'nads Go Further after Riotous Match

Group 1 semifinal action coming at you, but don't read it all in one bite, this one's hot! The Smash and Go'nads, coming off their victory against the Bloodsand Blasters, would do battle against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, who racked up an impressive score against the Brutakai Ragefangs on their way here. Only one of these two teams would get a card for the big dance, so let's see who had the best moves!

Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.

Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.

The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.

Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.

Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.

The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?

It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.

With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.

So, the dwarves triumph, and their playoff run shows a remarkable turnaround from their mediocre play in the regular season. The Bilgerunners, for their part, will be back again soon, hungry as ever. One more semifinal to go, folks, and it's off to the Blood Bowl Championship Game!

Wardoves Edge Meathooks in Thrilling Fashion

And here we are, down to the last quarterfinal match for the MMBBL Blood Bowl tournament! In this brutal installment, the heavy-hitting Meathooks square off against the high-flying Blueriver Wardoves, led once more by the inspiring presence of Prince Moranian, for a berth in the group two semifinal. Who will prevail? Who will survive? Who will clean up the mess afterwards? Read on to find out.

As the fans piled into their seats, the pleasant weather began to blow through on a stiff wind from the South. Kickoff saw what little shade remained disappear, and as Meathooks thrower Biggs McStabstab went to pick up the ball, the sun turned its fury to face the pitch, raising the temperature well past the comfort zone of the players. The Wardoves summoned their few cool breeze elementals, and the Meathooks took turns sitting in the refreshment tub to beat the heat. As the drive began, some showed early signs of fatigue, as McStabstab collapsed on the pitch soon after retrieving the ball. Offsetting the mistake, however, were Beef Bigaxe and Moose Burger, each knocking out an elf and securing a numerical advantage. Dodging nimbly through the orc line, several elves made breaks towards the ball, but Biggs McStabstab, heat-crazed and delirious, managed to pick up the ball again, yell at it, and hurl it towards Hammish the goblin. Upon catching it, Hammish was surrounded by his teammates in a protective cage formation. With practiced skill that came from hours of diet training and upper body workout, Gristly Slötturhaus scooped the little guy up and hurled him downfield. Landing safely, Hammish went untouched into the end zone. My, but that goblin can move!

With most players enduring the heat but several succumbing, the two teams returned to the field for the next drive. As the kick went off and Bendark Mossfang went to start the offense, Ramrod Meatmissile began the defense with a blatant foul against Angruil Grimmrose and was ejected from the match. Mossfang, the league's leading passer, went about business as usual, finding Fhorin Bloodmeadow with a pass in the gap left by Meatmissile's departure. Perhaps his mind wasn't entirely on the game, or perhaps the heat got to him, but Bloodmeadow somehow managed to trip up on the goal line before I could get the ball across. Luckily, the orc zone defense was far behind him, and he was able to stand up, dust himself off neatly, wave to some lucky lady in the crowd, and walk the ball in for the tying point.

Lining up their defense, the Wardoves showed little interest in confronting the slower orc offense in the dying seconds of the first half. Leaving only the required minimum of presence on the line of scrimmage, the bulk of the elf forces stayed well back in the secondary. With Gristly Slötturhaus declaring the charge by clobbering Valandil Dreadlily, the orc line surged forward, only to be stopped in their tracks, puzzled, as the Wardoves began an elaborate dance routine. The stadium support crew quickly caught on, and the Meathooks could only look on as the elves mocked their latest assault until the whistle blew. In this latest battle between orc and elf, it was clear just who had gotten served. The two teams returned to their locker rooms, the score knotted at one.

Receiving once again to start the second half, the Wardoves put together yet another of their signature, lightning-quick scoring plays. Bendark Mossfang, having retrieved the football, surveyed the field from the safety of the pocket, as his receivers coursed like gazelles down the field. In particular, Tish Killwillow was eluding coverage masterfully, and was therefore the prime choice of receivers for Mossfang to connect with. One sailing, soaring pass later, the ball was in Killwillow's surprisingly soft hands, and he was in a bed of not surprisingly soft pillows laid down by the Wardoves cheerleaders, leaping into the end zone to the delight of his fans. Could the Meathooks respond?

With flash and theatrics uncharacteristic of orckind, they did just that. Play began, Biggs McStabstab relayed the ball to Hammish, and the diminutive scoring machine pointed out to a spot downfield. Was he calling the shot? an onslaught of orcish offensive line work obscured the ref's view as the Meathooks' newly-hired backup goblin, Pork Rind, scampered onto the field bearing one of Tsih Killwillow's pillows! The Wardove defensive coordinators attempted to alert the ref to the situation, but before they could flag him down, Hammish was airborne. Sure enough, he flew right towards the pillow-bearing backup. Landing softly in a mocking pose, Hammish touched down and strutted into the end zone, making several rude gestures along the way.

At last, the heat and haze began to dissipate, but only because the sun's intense heat was replaced by intense brightness. Still, most players gladly accepted the trade of sweltering heat for mere dazzling sunlight. Confident that a back-and-forth battle such as this was playing well into their strategy, the Wardoves again set up their offense. With Mossfang recovering the football and tossing a rocket of a pass downfield to Fhorin Bloodmeadow, everything seemed to be going right for the elves. Everything, that is, until out of nowhere, Beefquake the black orc got his big mitt in the way, hauling down the pass for an unthinkable interception. The Wardoves fans were in shock, and the Meathooks fans were in a frenzy! Stomping downfield in his steel-toed boots, Beefquake was rallied around by his teammates - until his own feet tied him up and sent the massive blocker down in a corpulent heap. Still hanging close to the play, Bendark Mossfang swooped in to pick up the loose ball, and launched a pass to Angruil Grimmrose without so much as a second glance. The catcher was true to his route, and was still where he should have been. Catching the ball, he was virtually unchallenged in claiming the go-ahead touchdown.

The fans had switched gears entirely now, with the Wardoves faithful whooping and hollering, while the Meatheads' cries of victory turned into wails of anguish. In the confusion, someone - no one is sure who - had disposed of the referee, and the Meathooks grinned widely as they set their offense one more time, eager to finally play a game on bloodier terms. Setting up for the obvious goblin toss, the orcs were countered by an equally obvious - but safe - goal line stop defense from the elves. Pork Rind, the plucky little goblin, was in place, given the ball, and quickly surrounded by his biggest, meanest teammates. Suddenly, from nowhere, came Tsih Killwillow, positively livid at the theft of one of his professionally-fluffed pillows. Breaking formation, the nimble Killwillow charged headlong at the well-protected goblin, and at the last second took a flying leap over the wall of green flesh in his way. Coming down hard, with no turning back, Killwillow extended his right leg and drop-kicked the hapless Pork Rind in the skull. All the goblin could do was grab hold of the leg and twist, and the two of them went down in a heap, Tish needing to be carted off and the goblin lying stunned on the pitch. With time running out and Pork Rind not back to his senses, rage overtook the orc offense. Gristly Slötturhaus grabbed the little fellow anyway and pitched him overhand downfield towards the elves, hoping to exact revenge with some measure of goblin-related injury. The throw missed its mark, and Pork Rind was left to sort himself out as the whistle blew and Wardoves fans flooded the field in victory. Onward go the Blueriver Wardoves to meet the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters in the semifinal match! Homeward go the Meathooks, this disappointing season behind them.

MVPs of the match were line elf Dellin Finchtalon of the Wardoves, who displayed fantastic speed all game long, and Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks. If anything was learned on this day, it is that you do not, under any situation, come between an elf and his designer bed ware.

Now the semifinals are set, sportsfiends! Dwarves and Skaven, Elves and Undead! Who will advance on the road to victory, and who will be mere speedbumps along the way? Check back again soon to find out!

Go'nads Smash Their Way into Semifinals

Hello again, sportsfiends! Time for another playoff action update from the MMBBL. Today we've got the quarterfinal matchup between the Bloodsand Blasters, unlikely champions of the Bloodbath division, and the equally underdog Smash and Go'nads from the bottom of Deathdealer's barrel. Who's going to climb to the next level, the bones or the beards?

With excellent weather for the event, the Blasters elected to kick first and ask questions later. Though the majority of the fans on hand were wearing the beige and burgundy of the Go'nads, the Blasters' fans managed quite a racket for the kickoff to spur their team to victory. Unfortunately, it didn't pay off as almost as soon as the ball hit the turf, a handful of dwarves gang-piled West Nile Cyrus, knocking out the towering mummy and leaving a considerable divot in the field where he was felled. All over the pitch, more dwarves were taking the cue, dragging the bandaged brutes down to their level.

Meanwhile, runner Dick Gozinia was on the ball, quickly gaining midfield as fast as his legs could carry him. At last, the undead team's mummies got organized, and Battering Ramses laid a hit on Euin Whatarmy that was sure to keep the troll slayer out of contention for a while. The success was short-lived though, as line skeleton Dirty Suez's block on Adam Meway failed miserably, the dwarf instead grabbing the skeleton through the eye sockets and tearing his head from his spine. Bloodsand Blasters fans clamored for a facemask penalty, but none was assessed due to Suez' lack of a mask, or of a face, for that matter. Not even the skillful igor hired on by the Blasters could repair the damage, and Suez crumbled into dust as play went on.

The dwarves showed their superior skill in the face of the imposing Khemri might, and the mummies became too scattered to hope to preserve the defensive line. Desperate for a stop, a pair of skeletons managed to haul down Gozinia, but the alert runner deftly tossed the ball laterally to teammate Adam Meway, who pressed forward to the end zone. He too was stopped as Mister Urns hurled himself at the ball, knocking the carrier down and saving a touchdown - for a moment. Out of the press of bodies came Dick Gozinia once more, thanking Adam Meway in passing for the diversion, picking up the football, and carrying it home for the touchdown.

Not a great deal of time remained in the first half, but the teams lined up anyway, just to see what might happen, and several things did. Dusty Tombs unceremoniously dumped Dick Gozinia into the crowd, for starters, though his adoring fans carried him safely back to the dugout. Even more startling was the completion of a pass by Khemri thrower Hork Ptah - that's three to date, folks. Impressive for a player with no actual muscles. Finally, before the whistle blew, the aforementioned Tombs was caught fouling a downed dwarf lineman, evidently letting his frustration get the better of him. At the half, the dwarves led the undead one to nothing, and neither squad seemed comfortable with the margin.

Returning to the pitch, both teams were ready to set in for a real battle. The Go'nads, defending their one point lead, knew they would need the perfect balance of strong guarding against the press of mummies and mobile secondary coverage to contain any skeleton that might squeeze through. The Blasters, for their part, would need to simply overwhelm the dwarves at every turn and cripple enough of them to make a break for the end zone and the tying score.

The dwarves kicked off, and Hork Ptah looked to retrieve the ball, but found his bony digits unequal to the task. Every lost second played into the dwarven defense's hands, and troll slayer Gil T. Azell exemplified that fact by dumping newcomer skeleton Blitz-Ra Sheik Yirbouti into the stands. Finally, Ptah managed to get a hold of the ball, and handed off quickly to Mister Urns, who made his way clunkyly upfield. Dick Gozinia made the move to stop him, but ran out of gas while going for that extra yard, giving Urns the opening he needed. Nearing the end zone, Urns was close to glory, so close that he could have tasted it if he still had a tongue. Urns was hauled down abruptly as Gozinia recovered from his spill, and blitzer Moe Lester recovered the football for the Go'nads. With time winding down and the line dwarves holding midfield, Lester coolly lofted the ball to Dick Gozinia, and the latter held onto it until the final whistle blew. The final score, one to nothing for the Smash and Go'nads: An upset, yes, but with greater upsets still looming on the horizon.

The match MVP awards go to Drew Peacock of the Go'nads, for his exceptional play on defensive guard duty, and to Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters. Now the Smash and Go'nads look ahead to face the high-flying Blackwater Bilgerunners in the group 1 semifinal match. You'll learn all about it, sportsfiends, once we cover the fourth and final quarterfinal contest between the Blueriver Wardoves and the Meathooks. Check back soon!

Dirt Bursters Take Out Takedown

With one of the four quarter-final matches in the books, we bring you contest number two - the returning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters versus newcomers the Traumatic Takedown. it's easy to guess who the favourite was in this one, but don't for a second think that the chaos dwarves, centaurs and hobgoblins of the Takedown might simply have rolled over. They once again bulked up their line for this match, bringing in favourites like Morg N'Thorg and Zzharg Madeye to add some punch and pizazz. The weather was fine, the fans were roaring, and the first kickoff went to the Dirt Bursters.

The kick sailed high and slow enough for ghoul runner Chompsalot to get under the ball and catch it smartly. With that, the undead squad members set about their respective tasks, starting with Lez White the Wight. Whether for the intimidation factor or simply for the love of it, Lez crashed forward into a hapless journeyman hobgoblin, caving in the latter's skull and gorging himself on the soft, chewy center. Not to be outdone by his little buddy, Magut the mummy brought his wrath to bear on line dwarf Buster Kneecaps, though with less permanent results, only putting Kneecaps out for the rest of the game. With the ghoul rush in full swing, the Takedown looked to Morg N'Thorg for inspiration, as the star ogre used his superior size to knock out the plucky Lanks McBreak. The battle of attrition would be won by the Dirt Bursters, though, as the other mummy terror, Khermit, leveled Charlie Horse to the pitch, leaving medical staff to cart him away to heal in the off season. With the defense already dwindling, Chompsalot had no true obstacles to his first score of the game. 1-0 Dirt Bursters, with the crowd going wild.

Undermanned but hoping still to spring back, the Traumatic Takedown lined up to receive. The undead kickoff was exceptional, however, and Perry Carditis, the Takedown's hobgoblin quarterback, had a devil of a time getting on his way to retrieve the football. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, decided to press their current manpower advantage, and under the combined power of mummies, wights and zombies, the chaos dwarf defense crumbled. Blazing past Carditis went newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot, the controversial rookie who took over Ol Teabagger's #15 on the roster. Controversy was ignored by the Dirt Bursters fans, however, as Bagrot grabbed the ball and charged downfield for a quick second score.

Enough time remained on the clock, and the fans were bellowing for some last-second heroics, but unfortunately the half whistle blew before the Takedown could get organized on offense. Luckily, they would receive again at the start of the second half, hopefully to close the gap that the undead had opened up.

As the teams returned, it was evident that certain protocols of secret weaponry were being ignored, for the confident stride of Zzharg Madeye onto the field contradicted his apparent ejection after the first half. The refs were letting it slide, though, and the Dirt Bursters kicked off to restart the hostilities. Madeye must have missed the kickoff while jawing with an undead heckler, because the ball dropped right next to him without even so much as an attempt to grab it. The thunder of undead footsteps quickly reminded him of where he was, and after loading the ball into the muzzle of his blunderbuss, Zzharg fired the blackened squigskin downfield, into the waiting arms of hobgoblin catcher Plex Fracture. With most of the undead still stampeding down the pitch to get to Madeye, they had little time to turn and chase after Fracture, who ran through some remaining coverage and brought the Takedown within a point, putting up the touchdown for the chaos dwarves. As Zzharg Madeye returned to the dugout, the officials decided at last to eject him for good, and a scowling Madeye hurled his blunderbuss into the crowd in protest before being shown the door.

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, as many have learned, are never content to sit on a one-point lead, and today was no exception. The high kickoff went to Chompsalot, but the ghoul couldn't hold on for the catch. Picking the football up from where it lay, then falling in with the protection of his fellow ghouls and helpful wights, Chompsalot became the focal point of a nigh-impenetrable undead offensive push. Resistance came, of course, but was rebuffed at every turn. Stumps O'Boggy, the slow but certain dispenser of doom, laid out another hobgoblin journeyman and adding another notch to the body count. The mighty Morg N'Thorg, though strong and capable, was awash in a sea of rot, and was brought down in a heap by the feisty Lanks McBreak. Still more pain was to be perpetrated by the Dirt Bursters as Lez White earned his second casualty of the night, putting the Buccinator out of contention for the remainder of the game. Again, the chaos dwarf resources were exhausted, and again Chompsalot was given a free pass to the end zone, putting the score up to 3-1 and restoring the two point cushion.

Down but not quite out, the remaining members of the Traumatic Takedown took to the field with Morg N'Thorg front and center. As the kickoff went up, a bit of unregulated enthusiasm came out of the stands, as Ortho Pnoea of the Takedown was stunned by a chunk of disturbingly-aged cheese chucked from the second deck. No sooner than he had dropped to the pitch, a shot rang out from the opposite side of the field, as the fan who had recovered Zzharg Madeye's blunderbuss took aim and unloaded at wight blocker No Guts Bob. The shot, filled with an assortment of cutlery, rocks, gunpowder and toenail clippings, bored a watermelon-sized hole in No Guts Bob's, well, guts, and a necromantic first-response team carted him away to the sidelines. Luckily for Bob, he was indeed gutless, and recovered from the injury with ease.

Looking for a sure thing as he picked up the ball, Perry Carditis saw nothing but double coverage all over the field - not a receiver in sight! But, seeing the hulking from of Morg N'Thorg pummeling zombies led him to pass the ball in that direction. With a cry of "Hey! Morg!", the hobgoblin quarterback hurled a pass to the ogre, who caught it, shrugged with little enthusiasm, and began to wade through the bodies of his enemies in the direction of the end zone. Pushing and shoving his way through the line, Morg seemed like the only thing going right for the Takedown, as Khermit the mummy earned his second round of brutal approval by clobbering centaur runner Dead Leg and putting him out of commission. The undead line began to shift away from the fallen dwarves and hobgoblins to confront Morg N'Thorg, and there proved to be enough resistance as Magut knocked the big guy to the dirt. On the spot immediately was the ghoul Ned Gummers, who was well on his way to the end zone the moment he snatched up the ball. Before he made it there, Plex Fracture was called on a foul against a downed zombie, but it mattered little. Time expired as Gummers crossed the goal line, and the Dirt Bursters were on their way to a semifinals berth. The final score - 4-1 for the returning champions.

Match MVPs for this quarter-final bout were Dead Leg of the Traumatic Takedown, displaying remarkable agility for someone with so many legs to look after, and Lanks McBreak of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who did the impossible in containing the mighty Morg N'Thorg almost single-handedly with timely blocks and tackles. Once again making a name for himself was Chompsalot the ghoul, who leaped and scrambled his way to two touchdowns in the contest.

Another day, another contender eliminated! Respect to the Takedown is due for taking on the champs in two consecutive matches, and we look forward to seeing more of them in the future! Tune in again soon for the next quarter-final summary!