Deadites Dethrone Spike! Tournament Champs

The MMBBL Dungeonbowl playoffs have begun, and the excitement is building right from the get-go, as the upstart Drudgetown Deadites hosted the underachieving champions, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, at the Pit in Drudgetown this past weekend. It was a gorgeous day for a game, and the Spinebreakers would start on offense, as the Deadites won the toss and opted to defer.

As the ball took to the sky, an immense cheer went up for the Deadites, whose fans were living a veritable dream of an inaugural season. The ball came down not far from orc hero Kiro Stormaxe, who had been having a comparatively quiet season thus far. Stormaxe moved up behind troll blocker Zor Loneblow and handed off to the previously-unseen Chuck Skudfungus, who looked ready to go for a ride. With all in readiness, Loneblow scooped up the goblin in an attempt to toss him downfield, but overdid it on the wind-up and dropped Skudfungus back to the ground! With an ineffectual kick to the troll's massive foot, Skudfungus let him know he was still there, and before the pressing Deadite defense could make a move for the ball, the goblin was airborne again, and on target this time. Soaring over the heads of the Deadites' defense, Skudfungus landed expertly and stormed into the end zone to give the orc squad the early lead.

Now the test would come for the Deadites, to see if they could really hang in and bang with the big boys of the MMBBL. A high, drifting kick from the Spinebreaker defense helped their cause, but Klaatu Nikto wasn't able to pull it down cleanly. Instead the ghoul picked it up and held his ground while the Deadite line soundly thumped the orc line back off of midfield. Still, the Deadite offense wasn't making much headway, and the Spinebreakers met their charge at every turn, stifling the forward motion and keeping them well out of range of the end zone. Eventually, the pressure wore through, and Klaatu's pass to the wight X Morte went off course and fell free. Who should jump on it, then, but Kiro Stormaxe, who seemed to have had enough of conservative play. X Morte quickly recovered, however, and returned the favour to Stormaxe, sending the ball free yet again! Bobbled by Klaatu, the ball bounced around in the growing scrum, until finally it was somehow reeled in by zombie line-chump Goody Little Two Shoes. His elation was muffled by an onrush of angry greenskin, though, as blitzer Galthuk Battlewail stripped the ball from him and sent things back into chaos. Just as it seemed that Soran Steelfury of the Spinebreakers had got his mitts safely around the prize, the whistle for halftime blew, and both teams retreated to the locker rooms with the score one to nothing for the orcs.

Both squads appeared to be fired up when they came out for the second half, but perhaps a little too fired up. taunts began to fly between the two teams - words like "Bumstick" and "Kiro the Zero" were heard, and before too long a brawl broke out at midfield. It took some time for officials to get things sorted out, and there was some speculation that it was a ploy by the Spinebreakers to eat up the Deadites' chances of tying the game. in any case, the orcs kicked off eventually, and Varata Nikto was the first on the ball. Angry and frustrated, the Deadites put on a vicious display of offensive determination led by the snarling Wanna Little, who upended line orc Mok Rawtar awkwardly, resulting in a trip tot he infirmary for the normally stalwart greenskin. Calmly, Varata handed the ball off to the illustrious Klaatu, and the orc defense shifted their attention accordingly. Just as they were closing in, however, the Deadites reversed their strategy! Klaatu handed the ball back on the reversal, and Varata tossed to a now unattended Boomstick, who charged down the sideline en route to the goal line. Blitzer Godan Rockmaul made an attempt to stop the wily werewolf, but couldn't keep up, and the score was then tied at one.

With precious little time remaining, the Spinebreakers once again turned to the suspect bravery of Chuck Skudfungus. The Deadites, of course, saw this coming a mile away, and coordinated their defense to match. Skudfungus soared skyward from the mighty arms of Zor Loneblow, and landed adequately to boot! The dream in the little goblin's heart died, though, when the outstretched foot of Varata Nikto caught him as he tried to squeeze through to the endzone. The game was going to need overtime to find resolution! Unfortunately for the Spinebreakers, line orc Mok Rawtar, freshly returned from his brief stint in the doctor's office, would not be a part of it. Rawtar was bowled over yet again by Boomstick, and while not seriously injured, thought better of playing anymore and hit the showers early.

it would appear that old habits die hard, or in the case of the undead, not completely in any respect. The teams were once again at each others' throats before halftime could get underway, but this time the officials broke the affair up quickly thanks to the latest addition to the team, a deathroller with "2 serv n' prutek" painted crudely on the side. Never before has there been such a clear example of NOT fighting the law and the law very handily winning. The two teams were separated, the clock reset, and the game finally underway once more.

Now that the way was cleared for sanctioned, legal violence, Zor Loneblow wasted no time in squishing zombie blocker Ramming Speed underfoot. the undead being what they are, Mr. Speed was dragged back to the dugout to regenerate. Deadite retaliation was not far behind, though, as Boomstick shifted his attention to rookie line orc Ulrike Stonehide, whom he dropkicked into next week. The orcs stayed alert and moved about to cut off any offensive entry from the Deadites. Finally, with everyone in position, Soran Steelfury burst over the line and stripped the ball cleanly from a bewildered Klaatu Nikto, who appeared to be entirely concerned with getting away from his attacker. Kiro Stormaxe roared up behind his fellow blitzer and got hold of the ball, hoping to put the game away himself.

Back on the line of scrimmage, out of Stormaxe's peripheral vision, things weren't going anywhere near as well as he'd hoped. the hulking Frankenberry had laid out Orok Deathbane, crushing the black orc's hip and ending his season, while Godan Rockmaul fell under a blow from the completely uncontrollable Boomstick, marking the werewolf's third casualty of the day. Desperate and out of options by now, Kiro Stormaxe covered his eyes and lobbed the ball as far as possible into no-man's land. Wanna Little of the Deadites was closest to it, and scampered back with his tongue hanging out the side of his grinning mouth. Galthuk Battlewail made a move to stop the rushing Deadite, but was stiffarmed aside. The orcs were losing the numbers game, and Wanna Little was ditching coverage all the way back down the pitch. With little remaining to oppose him and no hop of catching up, the orcs could only watch as Wanna Little high-stepped into the endzone to give the Deadites the lead.

Only one hope remained for the Spinebreakers, and once again it was Chuck Skudfungus. The Deadites could put it away before he even got a chance for heroics, though, and put it away they did. The shallow kick was well out of range of the more mobile Spinebreakers, and never even got to Skudfungus before time ran out. The Deadites had pulled off the upset and completed the championship hangover that was the Spinebreakers' season.

MVPs of the match were Goody little Two Shoes of the Deadites, and Godan Rockmaul of the Spinebreakers for some great defensive work in the losing cause. Zor Loneblow also earns a nod for dominating the line of scrimmage and helping his fellow linemates out to boot.

Be sure to check back soon for more playoff updates!

Dungeonbowl 2009: Location and Brackets Revealed!

It's GO time, sports fiends! The brackets for the 2009 Dungeonbowl are set, as well as the location! This year' championship game will take place on the snow-kissed slopes of the Oberklunk mountains, at Midgard Battlefield. While the Asgard Raiders, proprietors of the arena, are away looting and pillaging, they have graciously welcomed the MMBBL back into their home on the condition that the finals match be worthy of a flaming funeral boat or two. And now, on to the brackets!

In Bloodbath division, the first round bye goes to the Darkmire Carnosaurs, who have been practically unstoppable this season, as well as quite literally undefeated.

The 2nd-ranked Stargazin' Farmboys, not entirely sure of how they got there, will take on the resurgent 7th-place Bleakwood Breakers at Most Likely Swamp Port.

The Bloodsand Blasters control the 3rd seed and will host the 6th-place Ibisi A-Nile-Ators in a heavily anticipated regional battle at Bad Block Pyramid.

The 4th spot is held by the Drudgetown Deadites, who will stare down the returning champions from the Spike! tournament, the 5th-seeded Razor Hill Spinebreakers, in the Pit.

Deathdealer Division's first-round bye goes to the Blackwater Bilgerunners, whom many are expecting to meet the Darkmire Carnosaurs in the finals a few weeks from now.

2nd place is held by a bewildered Grenedale Lesionnaires squad, who hold the league's only spotless casualty record. They'll host the 7th seed, in this case the Fjord Rangers who are shuffled over from Bloodbath's brackets. The game will take place at the Linitis Plastica Centre.

The 3rd-place squad, the Shattered Plains Rampage, nearly beat the aforementioned Bilgerunners, which would have shaken up the brackets significantly. Look for them to bring their best game when they face the mean-spirited dwarves on the 6th-place Dark Iron Dreadnaughts squad at Shattered Plains Arena.

The 4th-and-5th-seed game, featuring a repeat of last week's regular season match, will have the Sun Temple Chupacabras hosting the Lurkers of Azzilizza at the Sun Temple, in an all-jungle slugfest.

We'll have match results as they happen, sports fiends, so stay tuned!

Many Humans Died to Bring Us These Touchdowns

Apprehension was the word of the day when the Stargazin' Farmboys played host to the Bloodsand Blasters in the moist confines of Most Likely Swamp Port in the pungent town of Dago's Bog. While the human squad appeared at first to have the hometown advantage, this idea was quashed when hundreds of long-drowned and decomposing skeletons lurched out of the stagnant water and took their seats. Nevertheless, the stalwart Farmboys made their way to midfield and met their opponents, and came away winning the coin toss and choosing to receive first.

The brief meeting had given the Khemri squad the information they needed, however, and they shambled back to report to their coach that yes, they were in fact alive. With that to chew on, the Blasters' coach uttered his strategy to the team. "Make...them...dead." And with that brilliant strategy echoing through their cavernous skulls, the Blasters put their defense to work. The Farmboys offense seemed prepared as well, though new hire Flabba the Gut was experiencing a severe fit of the jitters. Starting things off quickly, human captain Duke Stywalker threw a perfect pass to receiver Willy Dee Billiams, who made a break outside to gain good field position. While Gut was still paralyzed with fear, his teammates set about turning the Khemri strategy against them, as blitzer Owen Lard came barreling up to the line and clear through Battering Ramses, one of the favourites to win the Commissioner's Medal for Exemplary Brutality this season. Ramses couldn't get himself back together without professional help, and was wheelbarrowed back to the infirmary for restorative incantations.

Looking to level the playing field again, skeleton Cal Ciferous laid a dropkick on the prone Bill Hootkins, and while the effort managed to stun the lumpy linebacker, an official caught Ciferous in the act and sent him packing. The ensuing gap in the Khemri coverage left Billiams with an opportunity to gain even more ground, and it looked like the touchdown was a sure thing. Some of the skeleton linemen seemed less concerned about him than they were about the squealing of Porky Hootkins, though, and Dusty Tombs was waiting for the lineman when he finally stood up, crashing into him from behind and doing unhealthy things to his twelfth, thirteenth and fourteenth vertebrae. Hootkins would be remembering this game for a long time to come, particularly when a cold blows through or if he ever tries to play a full round of golf.

With Billiams in the clear and his counterpart Dan Solitaire streaking to match pace, the wily catchers had almost outrun the skeletal defense. A quick handoff from the tiring Billiams to the fresher Solitaire put the point out of reach for the Blasters, but the Blasters themselves weren't especially concerned about the points. No sooner than Billiams had handed off the ball, an out-of-control Sahket Toomi came rattlin' and roarin' up behind, and he certainly didn't stop when he hit Willy Dee Billiams. Reportedly, the now-deceased catcher's last words addressed the unsatisfactory nature of his contract, but it was hard to tell, coming from the mouth of a man whose teeth had fatally migrated to his frontal lobe. Still, the sacrifice was not in vain, as Solitaire remained untouched and arrived in the end zone for the game's first point.

As time wound down after the ensuing kick from the Farmboys, bad turned to worse for the now-shorthanded human squad. Despite having no tongues, the Khemri had a taste for blood, and a very dangerous Dusty Tombs came screaming (again, metaphorically) up to the line of scrimmage to lay waste to a startlingly calm Ben-Ken Guinness. When all was said and done, naught but his armour remained, and the kickoff itself was largely ignored by both squads - the Farmboys were in mourning, the Blasters hoisting Tombs on their shoulders and parading him around - until the whistle blew to end the half.

With the kickoff coming to the Khemri once more to start the second half, and the deaths of two of the Farmboys fresh in their minds, the fans watched with bated breath to see if the human line would hold. The answer was quickly found as thrower Hork Ptah gathered up the ball, and the Farmboys defense began to collapse like a vampire's willpower at a "Miss Gothic" pageant. Ptah's pass to blitz-ra Sheik Yirbouti was dead-on, and as the mummies folded the humans off to one side, he proceeded practically untouched into the end zone to knot the score at one apiece.

No sooner than the grim prospect of a tie game had set in amongst the fans, the Farmboys were back on offense and ready to reestablish the lead. A speedy Carl Trepiaux started the drive off with a bone-crushing hit on Gus Sarcopha, carving a hole down the sideline for Dan Solitaire to break through. Thrower Duke Stywalker made no mistake on the pass, and the remaining Farmboys shored up a protective wall alongside Solitaire to guarantee a second point and renew the lead.

With one more desperate series of plays, the Blasters looked to end the match in a tie. Again the ball came to the hard-working Sheik Yirbouti, and fantastic displays of athleticism allowed his teammates to pile in alongside him as he charged down the pitch. The more mobile, agile humans played their defense well, though, and shored up the few gaps in their coverage, forcing Yirbouti into a tight squeeze that not even a man made of nothing but bone could squeeze through. The defense held smartly and time expired on the Khemri drive, with the Stargazin' Farmboys winning one in honour of their two fallen teammates.

Match MVP accolades went to Bruce Lard of the Farmboys for his presence in the defensive stand during the dying moments, and to West Nile Cyrus of the Blasters for hitting a lot of things all the time. Also of note was the frenzied play of Dusty Tombs, who gave one player a tackle to remember him by, and another a hit he wouldn't live to remember at all.

Report: Lurkers and Bilgerunners at the Citadel

This live event has been pre-recorded for your convenience.

Bryag Mudrake here live at the Citadel of Azzilizza for Deathdealer excitement! The Lurkers of Azzilizza are hosting the Blackwater Bilgerunners this week, and the fan turnout is spectacular. Over Twenty-nine thousand fans, and the skaven outnumber the dark elf locals more than two to one! That's great news for the local tourism industry, but not so good for the Lurkers morale. I don't think I've ever seen such a massive difference in team ratings. Rumor has it that well over a million gold was provided to the Lurkers to bolster their chances for this match, and provide a good show to all. The teams are coming out onto the pitch now... and YES, here he is again folks! Once more, the massive Morg 'N' Thorg has been brought in to beat on the Bilgerunners! I think I'm also seeing a couple of shadowy figures trailing inconspicuously behind them. I'm not seeing their names on the roster, so I'm not sure... hang on... I just got a note that those two are in fact the legendary Horkon Heartripper, and his not-so-legendary unnamed apprentice, who will both be playing for the Lurkers. The team will also be featuring a young journeyman trying out his fortune with this squad. We wish him luck, and hope his funeral expenses will be well paid for by the league as well. Joking! Only joking!

The coin is in the air... and the skaven win the toss! Looks like they're electing to receive. Here's the kick and WHOA! Listen to those crowds roar! The skaven cheerleaders have whipped the crowd into an absolute frenzy! I can't even hear who the matron has favored! The rats are running right down the middle of the field, over the prone body of Morg 'N' Thorg! It looks like Stumptail just picked up right where he left off last game. Fivel grabs the ball and sends a perfect pass to Piddlepaw. Dark elf coverage is pressing in, and Melanissa Rampage has knocked Twinkletoes out cold! She can't catch Piddlepaw though, who sprints into the end-zone for the game's first touchdown! The roar of the crowd is deafening here, and continues all the way through the next kick! Matron favors the rats now, and even some of the elves have started joining in with the sing-along.

The kick lands in a far corner, and the dark elves spring down-field. Determined to put their agility to good use, they're sending two squads up the relatively undefended sidelines. I think the skaven have been playing strength-based teams too long, I don't know what they're thinking with this sort of coverage. Drixit Heelgrinder now has the ball, and passes it to Horkon for the handoff. O'Rattigan is charging him down! Looks like he wasn't actually on the front line, and was in perfect position to run down the runners! The blow knocks Horkon off his feet... and O'Rattigan has the ball! What on earth is he planning on doing with that? Wait, he's still moving, running back towards Twinkletoes! I think the two must have been playing "fetch" between games, because he's just given Twinkletoes the ball! The other rats are punching through the coverage... Stumptail just stunned Morg! You don't see that every day. Also I see the medical team dragging Exrit Exitwound off the pitch, looks like Notchear got a solid shot on him. Twinkletoes is running downfield, with Stumptail in hot pursuit. But Drixit is still in reach! He runs down Twinkletoes, and scoops up the ball. He turns to a long pass towards the Inafay Icyhaired, wide open in the skaven half... but Stumptail is in the way! INTERCEPTION!!! Stumptail has the ball, and races it in for another touchdown! Boy, this game is sure full of surprises!

Maybe it's not so surprising that the rain is starting to pick up. Skaven kick again to the Lurkers, and some punching is happening on the front line! Morg 'N' Thorg just knocked Brutus out cold! The Dark Elves are playing this game a little more cautiously; once again the runners are across the pitch, but this time, they're holding off on dealing with the ball. Gurglegasp has waded once again to disturb the Lurkers with his presence, but he's shoved far enough away from the runners to keep him from distracting them. Inafay just put Notchear's lights out in a quick bout of revenge! Drixit picks up the ball, and runs it up to Inafay, not wanting to risk the pass in this pouring rain, I guess. Inafay has the ball, and rushes it in for a touchdown! Great job to the Lurkers... if they keep that up, they stand a good chance at this match.

Looks like the rain is clearing up for this next kick, and a dry ball has been brought out. There isn't an awful lot of time left, but the Bilgerunners are trying this run anyways. The Lurkers kick to the Bilgerunners, and the ball lands deep into the skaven field. The medics are back again; it looks like Squeesplat badly injured Frazz Firestarter! Fivel has the ball, and fires off a flawless long pass to Piddlepaw, who is racing down-field now! Horkon catches him just before the end-zone, and punches him... He's down! That didn't look like a hard kit, but Squeesplat is out cold just before the line as the horn ending the half is blown. I think Horkon must've been carrying... because there's an awful lot of blood and unconsciousness coming from such a glancing punch.

We'll be back after the halftime show by the Lurker cheerleaders.

We're back. Apparently Lurker cheerleaders have put some heart into the crowd. Or... multiple hearts, torn from the ribs of their victims. Such delightful customs here in the jungles. We're starting the second half now, with the Bilgerunners kicking. The Lurkers are off! Looks like they caught the defense flatfooted, because they've stormed the line even before the ball came down. Horkon's apprentice and Drixit are covering the ball, and the witch-elves and their associates are once again tearing down-field. Morg and Stumptail are battling it out again... it looks like Gurglegasp has caught Shrick'kahn off guard, and knocked him out cold! What's Dingleberry doing? He's charging towards Drixit, and he leaps over Horkon's apprentice! He picks up the ball from right between the bewildered expressions of Drixit and the apprentice, he's taken the ball in his third arm, and he's dodging away! This is a beautiful display folks, not many in this league are capable of doing what we just saw. It looks like Horkon's apprentice has some skills of his own... he's right on Dingleberry's heels, and tries to stab him! The knife doesn't penetrate, but now Drixit can get a good smash on him! Dingleberry's out like a light, and Drixit has got the ball. He hurls it to a startled Krrox near center field, but he’s obviously not ready for it. Krrox fumbles the catch, and the blitzers are on him! Jenner's now got the ball, and Twinkletoes has rushed into the end-zone. Jenner passes, and it's complete! Touchdown for the Skaven! The game is now three to one, and I'll be very tough for the Lurkers to make up this point difference.

It looks like the elves have gained the Matron's favor once again, and their coaches have devised some new strategies. It doesn’t look that much different from their old strategy... but it's hard to fault success. More of the lurkers have been assigned to run up-field and cover the ball, making it that much harder for the skaven to poach the pigskin, and giving them less targets in the midfield. That's enough to give Drixit time to grab the ball, and run down it to the waiting guards. He passes to Inafay, who runs it in for a touchdown!

The elves are kicking to the Skaven now, and it'll take some serious play to tie thi... whoa! The Lurkers just blitzed! Horkon Heartripper has thrown caution two the wind, and is stabbing madly with both hands at anyone within reach! The skaven are caged in tightly, and it'll be a struggle to get out of it! Dingleberry has the ball, and is deep in the cage right now. Wait, he just leaped over several others, and passed the ball to Twinkletoes! Twinkletoes is off like a shot! He races in for the end-zone and... HE TRIPS! He's down folks, and he seems to be curled up in pain! Medics are pulling him off-field... and I don't think he'll be coming back this game. Elves and skaven are both trying to get some hold on the ball... Zanzill tries to pick up the ball, but he fumbles it! I hear another scream... looks like Jenner just hurt Shrick'kahn badly! Dingleberry is off and running for the ball, he leaps over Zanzill, and tries to pick up the... fumble! And there's the horn... leaving Dingleberry at the endzone without the ball! Perhaps a bit anticlimactic, but that was edge-of the seat play all the way to the end! A fine display by both teams, it looks like the Dark elves will be a force to be reckoned with once they recover from the injuries inflicted upon them at the start of this season, and get a little more experience in the league.

Match MVPs go to Shrick'kahn Killer of the Lurkers of Azzilizza, and Twinkletoes of the Blackwater Bilgerunners. Also of note this game were the blocking skills of Inafay, Melanissa, and Shrick'kahn, and the strong-arm tactics of Drixit Heelgrinder. Thanks for joining us here in the Jungle! I’ll be taking a little break, as our regular league commissioner will be describing the blood-curdling Farmboy action later this week as they host the Bloodsand Blasters.