Report: Lurkers and Bilgerunners at the Citadel

This live event has been pre-recorded for your convenience.

Bryag Mudrake here live at the Citadel of Azzilizza for Deathdealer excitement! The Lurkers of Azzilizza are hosting the Blackwater Bilgerunners this week, and the fan turnout is spectacular. Over Twenty-nine thousand fans, and the skaven outnumber the dark elf locals more than two to one! That's great news for the local tourism industry, but not so good for the Lurkers morale. I don't think I've ever seen such a massive difference in team ratings. Rumor has it that well over a million gold was provided to the Lurkers to bolster their chances for this match, and provide a good show to all. The teams are coming out onto the pitch now... and YES, here he is again folks! Once more, the massive Morg 'N' Thorg has been brought in to beat on the Bilgerunners! I think I'm also seeing a couple of shadowy figures trailing inconspicuously behind them. I'm not seeing their names on the roster, so I'm not sure... hang on... I just got a note that those two are in fact the legendary Horkon Heartripper, and his not-so-legendary unnamed apprentice, who will both be playing for the Lurkers. The team will also be featuring a young journeyman trying out his fortune with this squad. We wish him luck, and hope his funeral expenses will be well paid for by the league as well. Joking! Only joking!

The coin is in the air... and the skaven win the toss! Looks like they're electing to receive. Here's the kick and WHOA! Listen to those crowds roar! The skaven cheerleaders have whipped the crowd into an absolute frenzy! I can't even hear who the matron has favored! The rats are running right down the middle of the field, over the prone body of Morg 'N' Thorg! It looks like Stumptail just picked up right where he left off last game. Fivel grabs the ball and sends a perfect pass to Piddlepaw. Dark elf coverage is pressing in, and Melanissa Rampage has knocked Twinkletoes out cold! She can't catch Piddlepaw though, who sprints into the end-zone for the game's first touchdown! The roar of the crowd is deafening here, and continues all the way through the next kick! Matron favors the rats now, and even some of the elves have started joining in with the sing-along.

The kick lands in a far corner, and the dark elves spring down-field. Determined to put their agility to good use, they're sending two squads up the relatively undefended sidelines. I think the skaven have been playing strength-based teams too long, I don't know what they're thinking with this sort of coverage. Drixit Heelgrinder now has the ball, and passes it to Horkon for the handoff. O'Rattigan is charging him down! Looks like he wasn't actually on the front line, and was in perfect position to run down the runners! The blow knocks Horkon off his feet... and O'Rattigan has the ball! What on earth is he planning on doing with that? Wait, he's still moving, running back towards Twinkletoes! I think the two must have been playing "fetch" between games, because he's just given Twinkletoes the ball! The other rats are punching through the coverage... Stumptail just stunned Morg! You don't see that every day. Also I see the medical team dragging Exrit Exitwound off the pitch, looks like Notchear got a solid shot on him. Twinkletoes is running downfield, with Stumptail in hot pursuit. But Drixit is still in reach! He runs down Twinkletoes, and scoops up the ball. He turns to a long pass towards the Inafay Icyhaired, wide open in the skaven half... but Stumptail is in the way! INTERCEPTION!!! Stumptail has the ball, and races it in for another touchdown! Boy, this game is sure full of surprises!

Maybe it's not so surprising that the rain is starting to pick up. Skaven kick again to the Lurkers, and some punching is happening on the front line! Morg 'N' Thorg just knocked Brutus out cold! The Dark Elves are playing this game a little more cautiously; once again the runners are across the pitch, but this time, they're holding off on dealing with the ball. Gurglegasp has waded once again to disturb the Lurkers with his presence, but he's shoved far enough away from the runners to keep him from distracting them. Inafay just put Notchear's lights out in a quick bout of revenge! Drixit picks up the ball, and runs it up to Inafay, not wanting to risk the pass in this pouring rain, I guess. Inafay has the ball, and rushes it in for a touchdown! Great job to the Lurkers... if they keep that up, they stand a good chance at this match.

Looks like the rain is clearing up for this next kick, and a dry ball has been brought out. There isn't an awful lot of time left, but the Bilgerunners are trying this run anyways. The Lurkers kick to the Bilgerunners, and the ball lands deep into the skaven field. The medics are back again; it looks like Squeesplat badly injured Frazz Firestarter! Fivel has the ball, and fires off a flawless long pass to Piddlepaw, who is racing down-field now! Horkon catches him just before the end-zone, and punches him... He's down! That didn't look like a hard kit, but Squeesplat is out cold just before the line as the horn ending the half is blown. I think Horkon must've been carrying... because there's an awful lot of blood and unconsciousness coming from such a glancing punch.

We'll be back after the halftime show by the Lurker cheerleaders.

We're back. Apparently Lurker cheerleaders have put some heart into the crowd. Or... multiple hearts, torn from the ribs of their victims. Such delightful customs here in the jungles. We're starting the second half now, with the Bilgerunners kicking. The Lurkers are off! Looks like they caught the defense flatfooted, because they've stormed the line even before the ball came down. Horkon's apprentice and Drixit are covering the ball, and the witch-elves and their associates are once again tearing down-field. Morg and Stumptail are battling it out again... it looks like Gurglegasp has caught Shrick'kahn off guard, and knocked him out cold! What's Dingleberry doing? He's charging towards Drixit, and he leaps over Horkon's apprentice! He picks up the ball from right between the bewildered expressions of Drixit and the apprentice, he's taken the ball in his third arm, and he's dodging away! This is a beautiful display folks, not many in this league are capable of doing what we just saw. It looks like Horkon's apprentice has some skills of his own... he's right on Dingleberry's heels, and tries to stab him! The knife doesn't penetrate, but now Drixit can get a good smash on him! Dingleberry's out like a light, and Drixit has got the ball. He hurls it to a startled Krrox near center field, but he’s obviously not ready for it. Krrox fumbles the catch, and the blitzers are on him! Jenner's now got the ball, and Twinkletoes has rushed into the end-zone. Jenner passes, and it's complete! Touchdown for the Skaven! The game is now three to one, and I'll be very tough for the Lurkers to make up this point difference.

It looks like the elves have gained the Matron's favor once again, and their coaches have devised some new strategies. It doesn’t look that much different from their old strategy... but it's hard to fault success. More of the lurkers have been assigned to run up-field and cover the ball, making it that much harder for the skaven to poach the pigskin, and giving them less targets in the midfield. That's enough to give Drixit time to grab the ball, and run down it to the waiting guards. He passes to Inafay, who runs it in for a touchdown!

The elves are kicking to the Skaven now, and it'll take some serious play to tie thi... whoa! The Lurkers just blitzed! Horkon Heartripper has thrown caution two the wind, and is stabbing madly with both hands at anyone within reach! The skaven are caged in tightly, and it'll be a struggle to get out of it! Dingleberry has the ball, and is deep in the cage right now. Wait, he just leaped over several others, and passed the ball to Twinkletoes! Twinkletoes is off like a shot! He races in for the end-zone and... HE TRIPS! He's down folks, and he seems to be curled up in pain! Medics are pulling him off-field... and I don't think he'll be coming back this game. Elves and skaven are both trying to get some hold on the ball... Zanzill tries to pick up the ball, but he fumbles it! I hear another scream... looks like Jenner just hurt Shrick'kahn badly! Dingleberry is off and running for the ball, he leaps over Zanzill, and tries to pick up the... fumble! And there's the horn... leaving Dingleberry at the endzone without the ball! Perhaps a bit anticlimactic, but that was edge-of the seat play all the way to the end! A fine display by both teams, it looks like the Dark elves will be a force to be reckoned with once they recover from the injuries inflicted upon them at the start of this season, and get a little more experience in the league.

Match MVPs go to Shrick'kahn Killer of the Lurkers of Azzilizza, and Twinkletoes of the Blackwater Bilgerunners. Also of note this game were the blocking skills of Inafay, Melanissa, and Shrick'kahn, and the strong-arm tactics of Drixit Heelgrinder. Thanks for joining us here in the Jungle! I’ll be taking a little break, as our regular league commissioner will be describing the blood-curdling Farmboy action later this week as they host the Bloodsand Blasters.

Too Much Ugly in Sewer Smashup

Bryag Mudrake here once again for league night in the Deathdealer Division! It's the Blackwater Bilgerunners at the Tidy Bowl hosting the Grenedale Lesionnaires! Attendance was surprisingly light for an official league match, with a mere 20,000 fans in attendance. Perhaps the light attendance was fear amongst the skaven of a recurrence of the infamous Blackwater/Bloodsand match. Perhaps it was fear of a one-sided score-fest by the skilled skaven against the rookie rotters. Or perhaps it was simply too much ugly on the field for any casual fan to stomach. One thing is for sure; sales of Big Moot sandwiches have never been lower in the history of the MMBBL. It's a real shame there weren't more people to see this game, because this one would be an all-star demolition derby! The Lesionnaires have convinced not only Lord Borak the Despoiler to play for their team, but also the mighty Morg 'n' Thorg! The Bilgerunners, perhaps sensing the pummeling to come, hired on a mercenary lineman named Cheesethief to help fill potential holes in the line, and to kick a few players when down.

The Bilgerunners won the coin toss and elected to receive. Worried about the utter darkness in the cistern stadium (the Tidy Bowl equivalent of a sunny day) the rats elected not to field Mausketrap in the opening play. The fears proved groundless as covers were removed and torches lit during the first kick, bringing the playing environment back to tolerable levels. Casual fans might not expect the skaven to take on someone as strong as Morg’n’Thorg, but Bilgerunner fans know better! Blocking started with a mighty bang, as Stumptail knocked Morg 'n' Thorg over, and O'Rattigan pummeled both Zitgore Pusfist and Gomer Bile unconscious. Piddlepaw grabbed the ball, and handed off to Twinkletoes, who buried himself in skaven support just over the line at center field. Pestigors attempted to charge down the slippery Gutter Runner, but failed to get much traction. Twinkletoes slipped past, and rushed in for a quick touchdown, to the cheers and jeers of fans, and the retches of the weaker stomachs in the crowd.

The Skaven set up a traditional deep defense, with their strongest players flanked by their most expendable, and the most valuable in deep coverage. Coverage was not quite deep enough though, and Morg ’N’ Thorg wanted some revenge! Shifting out of the Lesionnaire front line, Morg attempted to run down Stumptail for the bruise to his honor. Fortunately for Stumptail, he refused to be knocked over by the massive ogre, and even managed to push back with a little help from his companions. The ball was picked up by Putesco Prosterno, who attempted to pass it off to one of the advancing pestigors, but wound up firing it behind the skaven line instead. Surrounded by the disturbing presence of the Nurgle Warriors, the skaven worked to shove the horrid monstrosities far enough for Piddlepaw, hiding behind O’Rattigan, to hold his nose and make a grab. Both teams started to pile on the fouls now, with the rent-a-rat Cheesethief knocking out Lord Borak with a well-placed boot to the head, and Putesco thrown out for an attempted foul on Brutus. That call was enough for Piddlepaw to dodge back into coverage, and race up center field for another touchdown!

The following kick to the Lesionnaires was high enough to let Horrendus Atrox to slip under the ball and catch it in his gooey arms. A screechy warcry from midfield drew the crowd’s attention as Stumptail, continuing his rivalry, ran up to Morg 'n' Thorg and attempted to knock him down once again! This time the massive Ogre expected the onslaught, and backhanded Stumptail, who tumbled back in a whimpering heap. He was carted off the field to spend the rest of the game nursing his injuries. That was enough of a disruption for the pestigors to get their passing game together, as Atrox shot a quick pass to Lacrimabilis "Larry" Fatum, who passed off in turn to Mort Gasper. By this time, however, the Bilgerunner defense was enough to prevent the Lesionnaires a touchdown before the end of the half, despite attempts to shove them away!

The second half saw some clever coaching by the skaven assistants give the Bilgerunners a little more organization. Once again, Atrox got the ball on the kickoff, and the Lesionnaires started the beatings. This time however, the Nurgle strength was much more effective, as the skaven were bowled over left, right, and center along the line of scrimmage. With enough defenders down, the ref failed to notice Scab Pickens boot O'Rattigan in the neck, knocking him unconscious for the remainder of the match. Borak followed up with a sickening smash to Piddlepaw, who lay disturbingly still on the pitch. Medics carted him off the field and the team apothecary managed to restart his heart, and get him back on the bench for the next drive. Now a horrible sense of familiarity was returning to long-time Bilgerunner fans... a strong 2-0 opening was giving way to a tremendous beating. Fortunately, several of those longtime fans got a chance to help this time, as three skaven and a pestigor were shoved into a cluster of season ticket-holders, who carried the Bilgerunners safely to their dugout, and knocked Fatum out cold before the refs could recover him. While they were occupied, Oblivio Demum kicked Jenner hard enough to put him out of the game. By the end of the drive, a mere three skaven remained on the field, running for cover as they were chased down by gleeful Nurgle and a grinning Morg, as Atrox trotted the ball in for a touchdown. Oh how the mighty had fallen!

With little time remaining in the first half, the Bilgerunner offense was seriously depleted. With Stumptail, Jenner and O'Rattigan all missing, the rats would have to open the front lines with a single blitzer, and field all the remaining linerats. Spurred on by the scent of blood and the fear of defeat, the crowd stormed the field on the final kick. Towards the starboard side of the field, the Bilgerunners' rat-rush and the Lesionnaire defense were virtually untouched. Towards the port-side lay devastation, as both Nurgle wide-zone defenders, Fivel Mausketrap, and the ball lay motionless. Shocked realization dawned upon the teams, then the Gutter Runners dashed across the field to take advantage of the makeshift opening, while the Lesionnaires lay on the whuppins to get Morg ‘n’ Thorg a shot at the ball. Piddlepaw dashed upfield, leaping over rotters while Dingleberry attempted to pass off the pigskin. His throw was tripped up by his trembling extra arms, and the ball was fumbled! Gurglegasp attempted to guard the ball from Morg 'n' Thorg, a brave but futile gesture as the Ogre dashed him to the ground, and picked up the ball despite the distractions from Gurglegasp's labored breathing. With moments left, it would take serious teamwork to bring down the ogre without the aid of Stumptail or O'Rattigan. Fivel, Gurglegasp and Dingleberry staggered up from where they lay, and rushed over to grab Morg from behind. Dodging away from across the field, Squeesplat sprinted to the limits of his endurance and landed a lucky blow, toppling Morg, and letting the ball fall free! The Lesionnaires moved to cover, and Morg staggered to his feet. Morg then attempted to dodge out of coverage for a last slim chance chance to tie the game but was tripped up by the heartened linerats! Shoving the remaining rotters out of the way, Fivel Mausketrap grabbed the ball, ran to the center line. He hurled an incredible long-bomb pass all the way into the Nurgle endzone where Piddlepaw, having slipped away from mid-field coverage, tippled the ball... and caught it! 3-1 against incredible odds for the Bilgerunners! The fans would have gone wild, if there any left in the stands after the post-invasion purge.

Match MVPs go to Hork Hogan and Notchear, for reasons only the fans could explain. Horrendus Atrox's new blocking abilities were also noted in this game. Thanks again for tuning into the MMBBL Coverage! I'll be back next week with lots more action from the Stargazing Farmboys in Bloodbath division! See you then!

Skaven Steal One at the Slag Pit

Bryag Mudrake here! We've got a great set of highlights from an epic match between the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts and the Blackwater Bilgerunners, coming to you from the Slag Pits of Durr Dammaz! This is the Dark Iron's first regular season match against the highest rated team in the league, a match vaguely reminiscent of the Skavens' first league match against the infamous Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Could the dwarves manage to pull off a better victory? With nearly a million gold in inducements, perhaps they have a shot! To help even the odds, the Dreadnaughts were generously supplied with a number of favors from the MMBBL leadership, including the help of Boomer Eziasson, a portable promotion pitcher, and the halfling wunderchef Dobby Flayed. The scent of beer basting and fondue dishes served well to distract the Bilgerunners, and bolster the Dreadnaughts throughout the match.

A respectable amount of disreputable fans filled the stadium: twenty-three thousand all told, with only a meager edge to the skaven crew in this away game. The Bilgerunners won the toss, and elected to receive the opening kick, and that's when things started to get weird. The opening blocks went like clockwork on a quick snap, with Bors Firehammer knocked unconscious by Stumptail. Fivel Mausketrap grabbed the ball and sent it off to Dingleberry without a problem, but Twinkletoes was butterfingered by the scents from the kitchen, and fumbled the handoff. Boomer seemed set to fire off some T-shirts into the crowed, but that portable promotional pitcher turned out to be more of a muscle-mounted mortar, firing explosives into the thick of the rats and blowing Piddlepaw back on his butt. The carnage continued as Crom Deepforge knocked out Stumptail in revenge, opening up the Skaven defense for Rok Emberfist, who snatched up the ball!

O'Rattigan, the Bilgerunner resident Rat Ogre, noticed the break in the line, and started to charge towards Emberfist, only to crash into the Dwarven defenders. It seemed like Rok Emberfist had a clear path to the goal line, when Eziasson lobbed another grenade to decimate the defenders. What he wasn't expecting was an interception by Piddlepaw! Grabbing the incoming explosive, he quickly hurled it towards the dwarven runners, blowing Emberfist off his feet, and knocking the ball free! Fivel was on the ball in an instant, attempting to throw the ball back to the waiting gutter runners, but distracted by the good cooking and loud explosions, fumbled the ball. Once again the Dreadnaughts were quick to capitalize on the Skavens' errors, as Blitzer Valdak Swifthammer nabbed the ball and once again pushed for the end-zone. With Dwarves deeply into skaven territory now, the Gutter runners panicked and teamed up to throw a desperate block, but failed to get any traction. Instead, Valdak lived up to his family name as he swiftly hammered his way through Dingleberry and pushed through to the goal line! One nothing for the Dreadnaughts... and the Skaven are incredibly worried.

As the two teams squared off for a second kick, once again Boomer Eizasson takes to the field, complete with cannon! It looks like either the Dreadnaughts or the MMBBL promoters have come to a little "agreement" with the referees. Once again the Skaven manage to get a jump on the offense at kick-off, leaping past the line of scrimmage to mess up the Dreadnaughts' day. Fivel swings another completion to Twinkletoes, and the Skaven proceed to open a path in the Dwarven line. The dwarves retaliated by having Zordak Stonesmite knock Gimpy out cold as Boomer launched another round of high explosives into the Bilgerunner line. Stumptail, back from his nap, hit Morinn Grudgebearer hard enough to require apothecary attention, giving Twinkletoes a clear run for the end-zone as explosions pitted the field. Rok Emberfist attempted to crash him into the sidelines, but Twinkletoes repelled his attack, knocking the runner over, and striding unopposed into the endzone for the tying point. A final kick to the Dreadnaughts ended the first half with a little combat on the frontline, but little else of interest.

As the second half began, the scent of gunpowder cleared enough to let the scent of dessert sneak onto the field. Dobby Flayed's cooking once again had the Bilgerunners distracted as they kicked off, but some clever coaching helped to reduce the effects. No-one noticed the return of Boomer's bombs however, until Dingleberry was blown off his feet. Ozgar Blackaxe retrieved the ball, and started the forward march as the front line punched into Bilgerunner defenders. Valdak Swifthammer rose up to put Notchear out of the match and into infirmary, followed by Karlax Ironfoe doing the same to Jenner. Both team members should be returning next game. Unfortunately, while the efforts at center-field were proving fruitful to the dwarves, a few rats had reached Ozgar, and were starting to shove him back towards the dwarven end-zone! Desperate to get the ball downfield, Ozgar attempted to dodge out of coverage for a clear pass, but was knocked over by the surrounding linerats! That's all it took for Piddlepaw to snatch up the ball and run it into the dwarven endzone! The score was now 2-1 for the Bilgerunners!

Once again, the Dreadnaughts received, but a high kick allowed Emberfist to get under the ball. With two of the front-line rodents off the field, the dwarves put up a solid blocking game, Karlax Ironfoe and Garn Flintrock knocking out Gimpy and Brutus, further thinning the ranks. Dwarven coverage was thorough down into the end line, leaving naught but the two gutter runners in deep defense to try and block as Emberfist handed off to Ozgar Blackaxe. The hit was good, but the ball bounced into the waiting hands of Valdak Swifthammer! As the defenders knocked the remaining gutter runners out of the way, Valdak pushed hard for the end-zone, and his second touchdown of the day, tying the score again!

With only a little time left on the clock, and no blitzers left in their roster, it would take a perfect play to win this for the Bilgerunners. As the final kick sailed out of bounds and possession awarded to Fivel, the team managed to pull one last quick snap out of their bag of tricks! That maneuver was just enough to surround Ozgar Blackaxe, the only runner capable of reaching Twinkletoes in time as he caught the pass from Fivel and sprinted up-field. Unable to reach the speedy sprinter, the remaining Dark Irons made due with pounding the Bilgerunners in reach until the sound of the horn marking Twinkletoes' touchdown, and the end of the match. With that came the cheering of the skaven crowd, and a veritable stampede as the Dreadnaughts rushed to the mighty banquet in their honor, no rats allowed!

Final score: 3-2 for the Bilgerunners! An impressive display by both teams, and our congratulations to them both for such an explosive match! Match MVPs go to Bors Firehammer for his work defending his fellow teammates, and Brutus for his ability to stand firm in the face of opposition. Other notable achievements include Twinkletoes' refinement of his catching skills, and Valdak Swifthammer's assistance on a field of combat. That’s all from The Slag Pit! We now return you to regular coverage!

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 4: Deathdealer Division

And now that Bloodbath has had its due, it's Deathdealer's turn!



The Blackwater Bilgerunners, despite some rough patches in the playoffs, remain one of the top teams in the history of the MMBBL. Built around blinding speed and great skill, they've managed to pack on a few pounds and become the model of resilience in a league that gets frequent customer points at the local funeral home. Led by the sharp direction of quarterback Fivel Mausketrap, the skaven want nothing less than total victory this season. As blitzer Jenner puts it, "It's time to separate the mice from the men - with the mice on top!"

Coached by: Jon Roth. Arena Rule: It's Coming Down!: When rolling on the weather table, a roll of 10-11 is considered pouring rain.


The Chupacabras are responsible for a lot of good MMBBL press in parts of the world which otherwise would have no clue it even existed. A team composed of high-flying luchadors, masked marvels and caped conquistadors, their electrifying play has enthralled lizard and man alike. The Chupacabras do want to win, for hoisting the Dungeonbowl trophy would be as great to them as donning the championship belt. Still, they remain committed to their humble roots, and remember that they are playing not just for themselves, says saurus El Mucho Grande, but also for "the lizard niños, who everyday watch us and say "I wish to be the great Bludbol player like them, papa! It is for their sake that we strive for the greatness."

Coached by: Sandy Miller. Arena Rule: Ceremonial Prisms: When rolling on the weather table, a result of 3-4 is treated as Very Sunny.


From the wild, wide-open spaces of Gontufar come the Rampage, driven by instinct to play a game with primal implications. Despite the loss of a few players from unpleasant circumstances during Blood Bowl Day, their ferocity is not diminished in the slightest. Competition is second nature to these belligerent beasts, and as berserker Yo-Kamba likes to say, "in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion kicks your ass!" A weeee, um um away, indeed.

Coached by: Ryan Keizer. Arena Rule: Stampede: During a player's turn, if that player performs a blitz action which results in an opponent taking a casualty, the blitzing player may make a second blitz action this turn. This is not cumulative.

Serving their enigmatic matron, Azzilizza herself, in her jungle citadel, the Lurkers are a combination of her thirst for violence, her desire to prove her people superior to others, and of course, her occasional focus on royal whims and fancies. The lurkers themselves, for their part, are unflinchingly loyal and coolly resolved to prove their prowess on the pitch. Witch Elf Melanissa Sanilameh is quite clear when she says, "Victory is the Matron's will, and the Matron's will is law!" I'd stay out of her way, folks.

Coached by: Chris Mudd. Arena Rule: Matron's Favour: When the result on the kickoff table is either Cheering Fans or Brilliant Coaching, flip a coin, with the receiving team calling it in the air. Whoever wins the coin toss may double his or her die roll result for this kickoff.

With dwarves, it's not all about gold, and mines, and booze. Okay, yes, it is, but with the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts from Durr Dammaz, it's also about grudges. Grudges held so long by so many that they're worn down to dust that's been breathed in by the deep-dwellers for countless generations. Stubborn even by dwarf standards, the Dreadnaughts come from a life of underground warfare - they live in the deep mountains, under surface territory claimed by the orc tribes. Their leaders, in an effort to divert the most troubled, dangerous dwarves to constructive uses of time, formed the Dreadnaughts as a way to show dwarven dominance without bringing the mountain down around their ears. Runner Ozgar Blackaxe sees it a little differently, though. "We win all the time, underground. Blood Bowl, closer as it is to the damnable sun, shows us our enemies' strengths on their own turf...as well as their weaknesses."

Coached by: Jai Gagnon. Arena Rule: Stone Floor: When the ball bounces on the ground, it bounces one additional time.



While nearly all of the county of Murdska was ravaged by plagues of undeath, Grenedale (formerly Greendale) arguably got the worst and weirdest of it. For most beings, undeath is something bad that happens after you die. For the Lesionnaires and their folk, it was something that came in like wisdom teeth. The most disturbing part might be the lack of pain - like lepers, they simply lose all feeling in the walking shells their bodies have become. Actually, the most disturbing part is probably how they carry on as if nothing happened, living, working, playing Blood Bowl...No, wait, the most disturbing part is when their eyeballs randomly explode. Yuck. In the words of rotter Filth Collins, "I can feel it...coming in the air tonight. Oh, lord, and I've been waiting for this moment all my life!" Quite the enthusiasm from someone caked in an inch of refuse!

Coached by: Matt Stroud. Arena Rule: Leaving your Mark: If a player is killed, the team whose player got the casualty point for that kill gains a cumulative +1 to their FAME for the remainder of the match.


And there you have it! Fourteen teams in two divisions making for the biggest, meanest MMBBL lineup to date! Tomorrow the regular season kicks off with Bloodbath Division's first round of hostilities! See you there, sportsfiends!

Dwarves Cage Rats in Quarterfinal Action

After a few hiccups, we're back, with news out of the MMBBL's 2008 Spike! Tournament playoffs. Our first such match takes place at magnificent Fjord Stadium, where the Deathdealer Division-leading Smash and Go'nads played host to the Blackwater Bilgerunners to determine who would advance to the semifinals.

Receiving first, the dwarves surprised many by fielding their highly dangerous, considerably illegal deathroller on the opening drive. The Skaven had a surprise or two of their own, however, and started their defense off with a blitz, hoping to get their claws on the ball before the slower dwarf team could organize. Their priorities began to shift from scoring to survival though, when Cludge Slamboni drove his deathroller right over top of the rat ogre O'Rattigan, who was injured but cared for well by the Skaven apothecaries.

The Skaven renewed their assault as they took a run at Dick Gozinia, the ball carrier. Dick's presence of mind served him well, and he managed to dump the ball off to blitzer Stu Padasso. Meanwhile, the Skaven began to lose the numbers game as the fantastically deranged troll slayer Gil T. Azell began knocking Bilgerunners out left and right. Still, the remaining rat-men got their acts together and knocked the ball loose from Padasso, and it fell at the feet of Gimpy the linerat, who launched a beautiful pass downfield to Twinkletoes. The gutter runner must not have seen it coming, though, and the ball was dropped and back up for grabs.

The knockout parade continued, first when Jenner turned the lights out on line dwarf Drew Peacock, and then as Gil T. Azell and Adam Meway relieved linerats Twistknee and Squeesplat of their senses, respectively. the Go'nads seemed intent on getting that ball back to Stu Padasso, and eventually, Adam Meway managed a handoff to him in sight of the goal line. Padasso huffed, puffed, and brought the house down, delighting the roaring dwarf crowd with the first score of the match.

After such a struggle, there wasn't nearly enough time for the Skaven to score before halftime. Fivel Mausketrap did manage to toss a completion, but no points came of the effort. At halftime, the Smash and Go'nads held a 1-0 lead.

The iron resolve of the dwarves was evident as they took the field again - doubtlessly their coaching staff drilled it into their thick skulls that leading by one point is not good enough. On the other side of the field, it's likely that simple subtraction prevailed in the locker room, with the Skaven aware that they were sitting at something like minus-1. On the kickoff, Fivel Mausketrap fielded the ball once more, and found Dingleberry with a spiraling beauty of a pass. The dwarves were playing an active defense, and a surprisingly mobile one at that. Runners Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway were on the field, with the former giving his all to block Dingleberry's path to the end zone. Dingleberry managed to slip past the dwarf runner, only to be hit by his counterpart Adam Meway and launched into the bleachers. Meway picked the ball up and the active defense became offense once more.

Charging downfield alongside his teammate, Dick Gozinia called for the ball just as Adam Meway needed to get rid of it. Gozinia caught the quick pass, put his head down, and made his way into the end zone as time ran out on the Blackwater Bilgerunners. Undefeated in the regular season, and so far in the playoffs as well, the Smash and Go'nads are the first team to advance to the semifinals!

MVPs of the match were the Smash and Go'nads' Adam Meway, and the Blackwater Bilgerunners' Twinkletoes. Of note as well for the dwarves was the play of Stu Padasso, who made a habit of getting his hands on the ball, no matter who seemed to have it at the time.

Next up, the Bloodbath Division-leading Fly-by Knights take on the surprising Pancake Valley Shortstacks! And let me tell you, folks, it's a wild one!

Challenge Match Makes for Grappling in the Gravel

Greetings, sportsfiends! We've got more MMBBL action for you right now, with a special report out of Fjord Stadium from skaven correspondent Bryag Mudrake.



It’s challenge match day at Fjord Stadium, where the Smash and Gonads have invited the Blackwater Bilgerunners for another pulse-pounding match! The field of combat was as firm and unyielding as always, as the two teams faced off to the joy of 27,000 screaming fans. Sponsored by Bloodweiser, the extravagant beer tent must have drawn away some of the dwarves, giving a slight edge in the stands to the skaven crew.

The sun was dazzling in the cloudless sky as the Go'nads put the boot to the ball, giving Fivel Mausketrap time to get underneath it and make the catch. Beatings began on the front line as the Bilgerunners proceeded to punch a hole in the dwarven defenses. Fivel, used to the dim light of the sewers, must have caught an eye full of sunlight as he tossed the ball, missing Dingleberry and giving the dwarves a chance to get some safeties around the ball. Running-red-faced for the bobbled catch, Fivel scooped up the ball to the jeering of fans and handed it off to Dingleberry, who was off for the end-zone in a flash, with the other two gutter runners flanking.

Trying to tie up the defenders at midfield, Stumptail came down hard on Moe Lester, who was dragged off the field, and sat out the rest of the game with a very large keg of complementary Bloodweiser Red for company. Adam Meway and Dick Gozinia did their level best to strip away the defending gutter runners, but a good leap by Dingleberry put the score at 1-0 for the Bilgerunners.

Either thrilled by the touchdown or driven into a frenzy from the blood and free booze, the Skaven poured into the quarry, followed quickly by the dwarves. The brutal brawl left most of the dwarven team stunned, including both Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, and almost all the skaven team standing. As the dwarven team chased the rowdy fans off the pitch, the skaven defenders were quickly sprinting downfield, to try and recover the ball before the dwarven runners could get on their feet. Meway, staggering to his feet, beat them to the ball. As a squad of blockers dragged O’Rattigan down at midfield, Meway lobbed off a pass to Dick Gozinia just as he was taken down by the Blackwater linerats.

Running for the safety of the midfield line, Gozinia caught a glimpse of an enraged O’Rattigan rearing up and staggering towards him, swinging madly. The tidal wave of rage crashed onto the immobile shores of dwarven defense however, allowing Gozinia time to get into strong coverage. With time running out, Stumptail tried to rush the runner, but was tackled by Achilles Punks, allowing Dick Gozinia to put a knot in the game in the last seconds of the first half.

As the second half begun, the chug and whistle of dwarven machinery heralded the arrival of Cludge Slamboni and his deathroller of doom. It also resulted in the completely predictable riot at the Bilgerunner coaching staff, team, and fans screamed for the infernal engines removal. The clock continued to tick down as the teams shouted, finally settling with a kick to the Go’nads well into the second half. The Mid-field massacre was predictable, with stunned rats lying in the wake of the massive machine. Less predictable was Twistknee smashing Herb Eaverstinks leaving him lying unsettlingly still on the field. He was quickly dragged back to the infirmary where, after much work, he was pronounced as being alive, but in critical need of large amounts of alcohol. He will be spending the next game recovering from his injuries, and possible hangovers.

To make matters worse, the skaven at midfield managed to get a good shot at Dick Gozinia as he reached the halfway point, but this time, the panicked toss missed its mark, and the ball fell free, just behind the dwarven line. The skaven made a strong attempt to recover, with Fivel running downfield to attempt to receive, and Krunch making a play for the ball. Krunch fumbled the pickup through, allowing the dwarves to smash their way back into possession, as Adam Meway grabbed the ball, and was surrounded by his angry teammates. Krunch was unceremoniously shoved into the beer tent at mid-field by Stu Padasso, where the angry fans promptly beat him severely. He will be missing the next game.

The skaven had managed to tie the dwarves up at midfield as the clock ran down, and it was now obvious to the Go’nads that there was no time to manage a winning touchdown. This certainly didn’t stop them from trying to smash their way through, however, as Achilles Punks wounded Squeesplat severely, Holden McGroin bludgeoned Notchear, and Gil T. Azell smashed Brutus for another significant injury. With time running out, Jenner tried one last chance to get the ball away from the dwarven defenses, but was tackled by Achilles in the final moments, ending the game.

Match MVPs went to Storm vermin Brutus, and Dwarf Blocker Achilles Punks, apparently for the participation in the “Injury of the week” highlight play of the game.



Thanks for that report, Bryag! Check back again soon, fans, for more MMBBL action!

Duel in the Drainpipe

The second of two challenge matches this weekend saw the Fly-By Knights answer the challenge put forth by the Blackwater Bilgerunners. These two well-rounded and experienced squads did battle in the Tidybowl to the delight of nearly twenty-five thousand fans.

Having won the coin toss, the Skaven would receive to open the game. Both teams were given inspiring speeches from their coaches before taking the field, and the resolve in the eyes of both man and mouse reflected their determination. When the kick from the Knights sailed out of bounds, the ball went to Fivel Mausketrap, quarterback and team captain of the Bilgerunners. Starting their advance with sound blocking, linerat Stumptail knocked out Knights' captain Karl Von Uberstamp. Taking immediate advantage of the momentum this caused, Mausketrap threw a pass to the nimble Dingleberry. The Knights worked to settle the score in terms of numbers as Barglesnart Livingstone sent Stumptail off for a brief nap, and Wamsley Wedgeworth, playing in the secondary, threw a block on Dingleberry. The hit succeeded, and the ball flew free, but Wedgeworth was down as well, and spent the rest of the game asleep. Not more than a few seconds later, O'Rattigan the rat ogre collided with Barglesnart Livingstone and both giants fell to the earth, with O'Rattigan getting the worse of the impact.

Rising from where he fell, Livingstone backhanded Brutus the Skaven blitzer, causing him to fall onto the ball and knock it away. Throwing caution to the wind, Fivel Mausketrap showed his leadership quality by charging into the fray and recovering the ball, then tossing it to a suddenly-open Twinkletoes, who scampered his way to the game's first point.

On the following kickoff, despite a gust of wind carrying the ball further than he'd anticipated, Lance Freely tracked it down and threw a clean pass to receiver Brad Attitûd, who took moved up the middle of the field into protective support. His timing was off as he made his cut to the sideline, however, and Attitûd fell forward, losing the ball. Linerat Krunch pounced on it, and looked to make a desperate pass before getting pummeled by a quartet of Knights linemen. The pass was tipped by Cyrano de Baggagerack, and nearly caught by Victor Dashing. Almost every Knight on the field was in tight against the skaven, but the hard-working Abraham Sandwich got free and got his hands on the prize. Looking for a target of his own, Sandwich saw Stanley Steele streaking down the sideline, and launched the ball his way. Steel made the catch, and was untouched en route to the end zone, tying the score at one apiece.

The Knights' kicking difficulties continued to plague them as their kickoff once again sailed out of bounds. A quick snap on the first play of the drive further confused them, and the Bilgerunners took full advantage of the miscue. Brutus stormed across the line of scrimmage, knocking out a bewildered Cyrano de Baggagerack. With little coverage on his receivers, Fivel Mausketrap calmly lobbed the ball to Dingleberry, who made his bid for the highlight reel by leaping directly over top of Barglesnart Livingstone. Only one other player has even attempted to vault this meaty mound of ogre, and you may recall Ol' Teabagger crashing pelvis-first into his helmet and spinning end over end into the dirt. No such problem for Dingleberry, who landed with ease and was well on his way.

Dingleberry wasn't the only player on his way, which the gutter runner soon discovered. Abraham Sandwich was on the spot once again, landing a solid block on the skaven and sending the ball bouncing away. What followed was another little miracle for the Knights' defense, as rookie lineman Humphrey Bogatyr gathered the ball up, saw that he was mere seconds from being munched by O'Rattigan, and launched a long bomb down the pitch, into the waiting arms of fellow lineman Max Limit. In a flash, Chet Jackweed was downfield as well, lending support to the unlikely receiver. The Bilgerunners weren't far behind, however, and Stumptail made a great tackle to slow the Knights' advance, knocking down Limit and freeing up the ball for Piddlepaw to grab. Piddlepaw couldn't get a handle on it, though, and it came back to Chet Jackweed. Jackweed was nearly in the clear, but as he moved to break away from the skaven, his foot caught in Piddlepaw's cape and he fell to the ground as time ran out in the first half.

The Bilgerunner had put a stop to the Knights' defensive rush, but how would they fare against their offense? As they kicked off, the answer seemed to be "pretty well, actually". Calling for the blitz, the skaven scurried across the line of scrimmage and made a break for the ball. Lance Freely got there first though, and managed a pass under pressure to Brad Attitûd, streaking down the outside on a familiar route. Squeesplat was quick to move into pursuit of the catcher, and Twistknee earned a cheer as he crashed headlong into Chet Jackweed before the blitzer could run to his teammate's aid, mangling the human slightly. Even without the support, Attitûd was able to scramble away from Squeesplat and high-stepped over the goal line to give the Fly-By Knights the lead.

Unshaken by the Knights' touchdown, the Bilgerunners' coaching staff rallied their troops and sent them out on the field with a similar quick-scoring play in mind. The one snag in the pan came as Fivel Mausketrap's pass to Piddlepaw was bobbled and dropped. With humans bearing down on him from all sides, it seemed that Piddlepaw might meet his end - until O'Rattigan showed up, fuming with animal rage and swatting Knights aside as if they were small figurines. With the only breathing down his neck coming from his lumbering teammate, Piddlepaw regained his footing and took the ball quickly down to tie the score at two.

The Knights still had a chance to win, but the clock was running out fast. Their desperation translated to heightened awareness on the line of scrimmage, and the humans were up and moving the ball before the skaven could react. Lance Freely hit Brad Attitûd for his third completion of the day, and his target charged headlong down the field while the Knight line did its best to hold. Their effort in that regard suffered mightily as O'Rattigan's continued frenzy enabled him to plow through Barglesnart Livingstone, knocking the ogre out cold. In light of this change in strength dynamic, the Knights shuffled their playbook a bit, and Brad Attitûd handed off to lineman Abraham Sandwich in order to deflect the rat ogre's wrath to a stronger target. Sandwich took the hits that came, and lost the ball as a result, but remained in the game. Now came another lineman, Solomon Squatz, who found the ball and lobbed it back to Attitûd, who made his cut back inside and hurried down the middle of the pitch, but fell not halfway to his goal. Lance Freely moved in to try to recover the ball, but couldn't hold on amidst half a dozen skaven. The match ended in a draw as Jenner threw a quick pass out to Stumptail, who was too far from the end zone to score in time.

The match MVPs for this 2-2 draw were the hideously disturbing Gurglegasp of the Blackwater Bilgerunners, and catcher Brad Attitûd of the Fly-By Knights. Stanley "Stainless" Steele earns a nod as well, for a remarkable burst of speed in his first half touchdown run. Next for the Bilgerunners is another challenge - this time issued by the Smash and Go'nads. The Knights will host the Pancake Valley Shortstacks at Valor Keepe Stadiumme.

Wardoves Double Up on Bilgerunners

The third game from Deathdealer Division's week 4 action saw two of the most dynamic, speedy and above-all, high scoring offenses in the MMBBL go head to head. The Bilgerunners brought their craftiest, sneakiest efforts, while the Wardoves, playing for their hometown crowd at the Battlefield of Good Sport, brought their style, their swagger, and their very best smiles.

From the outset, "homefield advantage" was out the window, as the stands became packed with traveling skaven supporters. Undeterred, the elves practiced with their usual grace and vigour - until Valandil Dreadlily mistook Notchear's tail for a jumprope. A brief scuffle ensued, and nearly escalated when O'Rattigan became involved, but the officials were quick enough to intercede and the game started on schedule.

Set to receive, the Wardoves were looking for an easy first score, but weren't about to get it. No sooner than the ball was in play, skaven blitzer Jenner was on top of Bendyrm Cloudrender, throttling the line elf mercilessly. Cloudrender survived, but a severely bruised larynx left him unable to properly communicate with his teammates, and he will miss a game as a result of the injury. Jenner's burst of violence spurred a cascade of confusion along the elf line, however, and after a plunge deep into Wardove territory, the hulking O'Rattigan found himself holding onto the ball. Not about to let something so nasty looking anywhere near their end zone, the elves ganged up on him fiercely and the ball squirted free. With a flick of his wrist, Tish Killwillow sent the ball to fellow catcher Angruil Grimmrose, and the latter ran off like a shot to score the match's first point.

Set to receive now, the Bilgerunners would look to prove that they can be just as fast, just as quick, and just as offensively potent as their opponents. With a gust of wind taking the football for a ride, Fivel Mausketrap nonetheless fielded it well and set his offense in motion. Passing to the devastatingly dodgey Dingleberry, Mausketrap called his other players' numbers to assist the gutter runner in his quest. With several solid blocks from the skaven crew and some fancy footwork from Dingleberry, the Blackwater Bilgerunners quickly tied the score at one.

No sooner than the next kickoff was ready to go, yet another scuffle broke out among the two teams. Apparently Dingleberry had failed to use the hand sanitizers after his touchdown run, and was not very receptive to the criticism from his opponents, to the point where once again, the referees stepped in, winding the clock back to cover precious minutes lost in the altercation. When play resumed and the elves received the ball, they made no mistake in their effort to reestablish the lead as well as in their collective desire to not be touched by the skaven players. Bendark Mossfang, emerging as a favourite for the Silver Elbow this season, passed expertly to Tsih Killwillow, who selflessly handed off to Angruil Grimmrose. Grimmrose danced through the defense and was into the end zone for his second touchdown of the game.

Little time remained in the first half, and the Bilgerunners had little time to make a play before the halftime whistle. Still, with a high kick by the elves, they managed a mass from Mausketrap to Dingleberry. The whistle blew, and any hopes of touchdowns by either team were suspended until play resumed.

The Blueriver Wardoves kicked off to start the second half, but the play was a fakeout from the start - blitzing elves crashed through the skaven line as soon as the ball was over midfield! There's not a whole lot that can be said about this play, but that's only because it worked as designed - to take everyone by complete surprise. While the word "kickoff" was still on reporters' lips, Angruil Grimmrose was over half, through the backfield, and scooping up the football, scoring a touchdown faster than most people can spell the word. Now up 3-1, the Wardoves could play with a decent level of comfort.

Down but not out, the Bilgerunners were faced with adversity, but were looking for the opportunity within. A change in the weather, bringing out a harsh, piercing ray of sunshine, didn't help their plans. While the skaven suffered with the sun in their eyes, the Wardoves had nothing but shade from their end of the field, and exploited this with another defensive rush. Bendark Mossfang advanced with his fellows past midfield, and after the elves essentially took the ball from the skaven offense, passed it to Tsih Killwillow who got his first touchdown of the game. Killwillow may be the bigger name on the billboard, but Angruil Grimmrose proved that he's just as valuable to the team dynamic with his three scores tonight.

With the game getting out of reach, the skaven once again let frustration get the better of them. Reports from the sidelines mention a few snide comments about cutting off tails so they wouldn't be tripping over them. This time, the officials let the players go at it for a little while, hoping that it would get out of their systems and that the game could then continue at last. The skaven did manage to convey their frustration more constructively this time. The ball came to Piddlepaw, who lobbed a pass down to Twinkletoes, and with that the rats made their great push for the end zone. There was biting. There was kicking. There was screaming, hair-pulling and name calling. In the end, as the dust settled, Brutus the skaven blitzer stood in the end zone, ball in hand, missing a tooth or three, but seemingly vindicated. There wasn't enough time left for any real scoring play to ensue, and the elves let the clock run out with a casual passing play from Mossfang to Grimmrose before the whistle. After the most riotous game in MMBBL history, the Blueriver Wardoves emerged victorious by a score of 4-2.

Match MVP honours were presented to Dellin Finchtalon of the Wardoves for his exceptional blocking prowess, and to the many-limbed Dingleberry, who displayed a remarkable vertical leap on his touchdown run. Similarly noticeable was Angruil Grimmrose, who vaulted over defenders like a stunt cyclist jumping manure wagons at an Autumn fair.

That's the news out of Deathdealer Division of week four of the Spike! Magazine tournament, sportsfiends! Look for more action this weekend as the Traumatic takedown and Asgard Raiders play their makeup match, and one or more challenge matches get underway as well!

Go'nads Go Further after Riotous Match

Group 1 semifinal action coming at you, but don't read it all in one bite, this one's hot! The Smash and Go'nads, coming off their victory against the Bloodsand Blasters, would do battle against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, who racked up an impressive score against the Brutakai Ragefangs on their way here. Only one of these two teams would get a card for the big dance, so let's see who had the best moves!

Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.

Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.

The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.

Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.

Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.

The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?

It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.

With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.

So, the dwarves triumph, and their playoff run shows a remarkable turnaround from their mediocre play in the regular season. The Bilgerunners, for their part, will be back again soon, hungry as ever. One more semifinal to go, folks, and it's off to the Blood Bowl Championship Game!

Rat Rush Ravages Ragefangs

Welcome, sportsfiends, to our first quarter-final report from the MMBBL Blood Bowl tournament! Today's match saw the mean, green Brutakai Ragefangs square off against the sneaky, squeaky Blackwater Bilgerunners, battling it out for a chance to advance to the Group 1 Semifinals.

Winning the coin flip, the Bilgerunners elected to receive first. A high kick from the Ragefangs allowed Fivel Mausketrap time to catch the ball, and the first drive was underway. Surveying the field, Mausketrap lobbed a pass to the speedy Dingleberry, and the skaven, to no one's great surprise, bolted down the field, aiming to grab an early lead. Xarnak Bloodrage would have none of it, however, and the orc blitzer plowed into Dingleberry, tearing the ball free as the gutter runner hit the turf. Attempting to recover the ball, Kragor Clawfang slipped up in the ever-growing heap of bodies, and lost sight of the ball. To his dismay, Piddlepaw would quickly scoop it into his arms and bolt downfield, diving into the end zone and sliding across the grass like a big, greasy...well, you get the idea.

The next drive started with a quick snap count by the Ragefangs, and the optimal positioning allowed thrower Holo Axegut to quickly retrieve the football. His pass to teammate Krak Toothsnapper was dead-on, but Toothsnapper bobbled and lost it. Quickly looking for redemption, Krak launched a pass of his own to Raziek Bloodrage, and the orc captain made no mistake with the routine reception. Bursting through the line, Bloodrage somehow didn't catch sight of the towering new addition to the Bilgerunners, namely O'Rattigan the rat ogre. O'Rattigan blindsided the blitzer and knocked him flat, while Dingleberry arrived on the scene to recover the fumbled ball. The Ragefangs had trained for this kind of scenario, however, and no sooner than he had picked up the football, Rigor Stonestomper was upon him, leveling the runner with ease. Meanwhile, O'Rattigan resumed his brawl with Raziek Bloodrage, forcing the orc over the guardrail and into his adoring fanbase, who carried him safely back to the dugout. In from the backfield came Fivel Mausketrap, and making no mistake, tossed a pass to Piddlepaw, who caught it expertly. The last line of defense, Holo Axegut made his move to stop the wily skaven, but couldn't knock him over. With a timely support blitz from teammate Jenner, Piddlepaw was home free once again! Up two to nothing, the Bilgerunners had to be confident about their chances to advance.

As if the situation weren't tight enough for the Ragefangs already, their next drive would wind up cutting off circulation. The skaven read their offense perfectly and began a pass rush blitz, giving Krak Toothsnapper hardly any time to make a play. Under pressure from the rats bearing down on him, he couldn't get a proper handle on the ball. In swept Dingleberry with unparalleled agility, picking up the bobbled prize and depositing it in the end zone. The discouragement among the Ragefans was palpable, though the players themselves steeled their hearts for another drive before the half ended. Little came of the last-second setup, though O'Rattigan was toppled in a press of bodies.

As the second half began, the Ragefangs' head coach revealed that while he had no illusions of winning at this point, his team would be playing their hearts out regardless. His pep talk seemed to have galvanized the beleaguered orc force, as they took the pitch with heads held high. The skaven weren't about to rest on their laurels, however, and brought their A-game back to their defense as they kicked off. Krak Toothsnapper retrieved the kick and handed off to Raziek Bloodrage, and the inspiring captain led once more by example. Bloodrage charged, untouched, past the Bilgerunners line, and plowed into the skaven secondary. O'Rattigan might have made the difference, but Ragefangs blocker Kozu Ironhide was on "special assignment" to deal with the menace. Shrugging off the last vestiges of skaven defense, Raziek exploded over the goal line and roared his triumph to the remaining Ragefans in the crowd. Never accuse this orc of going quietly.

For the Blackwater Bilgerunners, their next drive was simply business as usual. Knowing that the key to victory now was confident, measured offense with no mistakes, they set about their regular routines in an attempt to seal the deal. Mausketrap threw a splendid catch to Dingleberry, who made his move downfield. The fly in the skaven ointment this time proved to be Kodish Manhammer, who sent Dingleberry packing for the rest of the game with a bone-crushing hit. Still, the Bilgerunners planned for this sort of event on a regular basis, and right behind the fallen Dingleberry was fellow runner Twinkletoes, picking up the football and squeezing past the Ragefangs defense for yet another Bilgerunners touchdown.

Still not content to accept defeat, the Ragefangs lined up with a play which looked much like any other. A high kick allowed Krak Toothsnapper to catch the ball to start the drive, and his throw to Raziek was once again complete. The difference in this strategy revealed itself soon afterwards, as the entire Ragefangs line simultaneously crashed upon the shores of the skaven defense. Erosion metaphors being what they are, the orc onslaught left no rat standing, and once more Kozu Ironhide kept the dangerous O'Rattigan well in check. With no one to challenge his journey to the end zone, Raziek Bloodrage once more bellowed his success. Win or lose, the Brutakai Ragefangs have proven their worth in the MMBBL, and this season in particular have been a thrill-a-minute to watch.

The orcs kicked off once more, and this time the ball was seized by a gust of wind which carried it out of play. Taking the touchback, Fivel Mausketrap sent another stellar pass to gutter runner Twinkletoes. Soon afterwards, Twinkletoes shared the love with blitzer Jenner, whose hard work was rewarded as he charged past the orc defense for the Bilgerunners' fifth touchdown of the match.

With little time remaining, the orc squad managed a few last stabs at glory, as Brax Elfeater throttled Stumptail the linerat, and Krak Toothsnapper managed another easy pass to Raziek Bloodrage. The whistle blew, and the skaven fans flooded the field as the Ragefangs retreated to the locker room. The newcomer skaven had gotten one step closer to the biggest cheese of all.

MVP awards for the match went to Ruushnak Nightwrath of the Ragefangs for his strong work on the line of scrimmage, and Piddlepaw of the Bilgerunners for his amazing performance and true "get up an go" attitude. Also notable was Jenner the blitzer, whose protection of his gutter runners was most remarkable.

Our first semi-finalist has reached the next level, and with impressive offensive fashion! Who will the Blackwater Bilgerunners face, and what of the other teams who are vying for the next step up the ladder? Tune in soon for more!

The 2008 Blood Bowl Playoffs

Here you go, sportsfiends, the brackets for this year's Blood Bowl tournament! We've got some interesting stories brewing in the quarter finals here.

A: Bloodsand Blasters vs. Smash and Go'nads: This one could get messy! The dwarves are tough customers who can hold their own, but the mummies on the Blasters' squad will be looking to cause all kinds of havoc!

B: Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters vs. Traumatic Takedown: A rematch decided by fate, the Dirt Bursters are clear favourites. There's always a chance for a spoiler, though, and revenge, for the chaos dwarf squad, may be best-served as cold as the grave.

C: Blackwater Bilgerunners vs. Brutakai Ragefangs: This could be one of the most exciting match-ups to date, as the speedy skaven have hired on some muscle in the form of their new rat ogre, while the Ragefangs have really come into their own this season, displaying both skill and strength.

D: Meathooks vs. Blueriver Wardoves: Yet another immediate rematch, these two teams battled to an exciting three-all tie last week, and each has had a chance to test their strengths and identify their weaknesses in this latest chapter of the great struggle between elf and orc!

Pick your favourites! Taunt the enemy! Break out the team colours and shout your anthem proudly! The "A" and "C" games are set to kick off this weekend, and we'll be on hand to cover every thrilling touchdown, each bone-crushing tackle, and all the fun of the MMBBL's first Blood Bowl Summer tournament!

Go'nads Go Big, Dirt Bursters Hold on for Tie

Here we are, a mere two weeks from playoffs, and still much of the future is up in the air! In Deathdealer division this week, two games with much riding on them took place as the Smash and Go'nads did battle with the Blackwater Bilgerunners and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters squared off with the Blueriver Wardoves. Even weeks before the playoffs begin, these four forces can feel the do-or-die pressure building already. The only question? Who would do, and who wold die?

The Blackwater Bilgerunners, still recovering from their physical struggle with a handful of mummies, were down a few players and needed to call up a couple of rats from the practice squad to round out the team. From the very first kickoff, though, the skaven spirits were lifted as even though there were more dwarven fans on hand, the Bilgerunner supporters were loud beyond compare. The noise may have been more of a distraction than a help though, as the first pass from gutter runner Dingleberry to teammate Twinkletoes was bobbled and dropped. Twinkletoes quickly recovered from the blunder and sent the ball back to Dingleberry, who made good on the reception. With dwarf coverage coming down fast on him, Dingleberry got his foot tied up in a beard as he attempted to skitter free of danger and fell flat on his face.

Immediately on the ball to was Smash and Go'nads runner Adam Meway, who couldn't make much headway as both teams took several miscues during the broken play. Eventually the Skaven got their act together and put sufficient pressure on Meway for linerat Krunch to throw a block, and it turned out to be much more than just a block. Meway dumped the ball off on his way down, and Krunch, with a presence of mind not usually associated with the jittery Skaven race, smoothly reached out and reeled the ball in himself! Unfortunately, the rest of the dwarven line had finally caught up to the play by now, and Krunch was emphatically crunched by troll slayer Gil T. Azell. Blitzer Stu Padasso pounced on the loose ball and took a short stroll down to the end zone for the first point of the match. The boisterous crowd, once roaring for the Bilgerunners, was now erupting with song as the Go'nads faithful bellowed a drunken rendition of their team's anthem.

On the following drive, the Go'nads kicked off and stacked their defense to halt any last-minute shenanigans. Though there was time for Dingleberry to complete a pass to Twinkletoes, there wasn't time for much more. The half ended with the dwarves leading one to nothing, but with a whole new half to go it was still anyone's game.

Returning from the locker rooms and ready for action, the two squads took to the pitch once more. The Skaven kickoff left much to be desired, and though he missed the catch, runner Adam Meway was quickly on the ball and off down the field. As the defenders closed in on him, Meway lobbed the ball to his partner in crime Dick Gozinia, but the latter couldn't reel it in. Luck was with the dwarves however, as a failed pickup attempt by Gimpy the linerat saw the ball bounce right back into Adam Meway's hands. The dwarf march resumed with Meway being guarded on either side by Achilles Punks and Stu Padasso, making the crafty runner virtually untouchable. As the slow march continued, skaven tempers flared as the dwarf offense held its steady pace, until finally a quick pass from Adam Meway to a wide-open Dick Gozinia resulted in a touchdown. The dwarf crowd absolutely exploded, due to a combination of joy, beer and possibly dynamite. Up two to nothing, the Go'nads needed only weather the Bilgerunners' speedy offense for a few more minutes.

It didn't help the Bilgerunners' cause that they were still so angry from the last drive. Trash talking began brewing between the two squads as they set up for the next drive, and whatever was said must have hit home, be it comments about someone's mother's beard or someone else's peculiar looking tumor, because the players began to beat on each other before the whistle even blew! The debacle was sorted out quickly, due to the relative smallness of the Skaven and the entirely objective drunkenness of the dwarves, but time had still ticked off the clock and there was little hope for a full comeback by the Bilgerunners.

Regardless, the rats lined up for their drive. In contrast to the previous drive's sloppy kickoff, the Go'nads executed a gorgeous kick, and the ball came to rest in the furthest corner of the field. Still not dissuaded, the Skaven took their drive seriously. Piddlepaw retrieved the football and hurled it forward to Twinkletoes, who dodged a possibly disastrous hit before sprinting in for a touchdown. A small victory, however, as time ran out just seconds later. The final score was 2-1 for an elated Smash and Go'nads squad, finally experiencing the thrill of victory.

Match MVPs were Twinkletoes of the Bilgerunners for his notable blocking despite his diminutive stature, and Phil DeGrave of the Smash and Go'nads for his stellar defensive guarding.Also noteworthy were Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, two halves of the same dwarven offensive whole and displaying impressive calm and focus when faced with even the tightest coverage. After the match, the Bilgerunners held a brief press conference to introduce their latest addition. The mighty rat ogre O'Rattigan was added to bring much-needed muscle to a speedy but underpowered Skaven squad.

The evening's second match brought the rising star of the Blueriver Wardoves into alignment with the blazing power of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, whose spark has long-since exploded into a winning streak which has spanned more than two full seasons. With a strong passing game keeping them afloat, the Wardoves have seen hardship in the receiver corps, with injuries plaguing the magnificent Tsih Killwillow and Sutlan Spearflower's stunning season being cut short by his grisly demise. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, have remained dominant, despite their recent pickups Clackers Rattlehead and Eric Shun contributing little to the cause but a couple of warm spots on the bench. To meet the challenge the Dirt Bursters posed, the elves had hired on not only the illustrious Prince Moranian, but the devastatingly distracting Eldril Sidewinder as well.

The contest would prove a challenge for both sides as a third competitor made its appearance - nature itself was taking a toll on the players as the heat and humidity were far above toe comfort zone for everyone involved. Young ladies in the stands swooned as the Wardoves took to the pitch, sweaty with effort. The undead had no easy time of it either, as soggy burial wrappings and hordes of flies plagued the Dirt Bursters both on and off the field. The undead were set to receive first, and the were nearly caught with their pants down as the unbearably beautiful Eldril Sidewinder practically stunned Khermit the mummy with his latest show-stopping pose, and the elven defenders flooded through the gap as Ned Gummers caught the high kick. Furious at his own lack of attention, Khermit helped himself to some deconstructive criticism as he leveled line elf Tanthil Twigbreaker, and the latter had to be removed from the pitch, unable to return. The elves pursued the Dirt Bursters' ghouls doggedly, but Gummers and company proved too wily for them, and Ned Gummers strode into the end zone to start the scoring.

Much to the elves' chagrin, both Eldril Sidewinder and Prince Moranian were left exhausted by the heat, and needed special care from the Wardoves' Bloodweiser Babes before they could return tot the pitch. Likewise, Stumps O'Boggy and Magut of the Dirt Bursters found themselves losing consistency and required time to properly congeal once more. Another high kick, this one to the elves, started the second drive, and ace thrower Bendark Mossfang caught the ball effortlessly. The Wardoves ran their patterns as well-oiled (coconut, we're told) machine, and with calculated precision, Mossfang connected with Stryth Leafmauler on a pass. Leafmauler danced through coverage and handed off to Albiir Featherdeath, who was unscathed as he scored the tying point.

Still the heat persisted. Though those previously out of commission had returned, new players succumbed to the sun's searing rays. Mlalyn Firefawn of the Wardoves was stricken, as were Chunk Norton and Clackers Rattlehead of the Dirt Bursters. The undead offense was quick to get started, and the kick sailed wide and resulted in a touchback, giving a significant advantage to the Dirt Bursters. Ol' Teabagger started the drive with a pass to Ned Gummers, but the latter became tied up in the elven defense. Even with the added push from his teammates, Gummers gained little ground, and the half ended before more points could be earned.

After halftime, once more the mighty Magut was unable to participate due to the oppressive heat. The Wardoves, however, had adapted to the weather by summoning a contingent of tiny air elementals, with several of the creatures attending to each player, providing a cool, refreshing sensation on their skin as well as an impressive breeze which danced through their well-styled hair. This time, the elves got the jump on the undead defense, and the surprise proved costly for the Dirt Bursters as Ned Gummers was laid out by Fhorin Bloodmeadow, and will likely be missing the next match as a result. Still, one ghoul down doesn't remove the other three, and soon enough Ol' Teabagger was chasing down Bendark Mossfang for the sack. Despite the ferocious coverage, Mossfang made no mistake in hitting Angruil Grimmrose with the throw, and the showy catcher backflipped into the end zone before spiking the football into the turf as the legions of sighing elf maidens looked on.

As the next drive began, at last the brutal heat broke under the weight of impressive stormclouds, and the world was a washed-out shade of gray as the rain poured down in buckets. For every fan in the stands who sought shelter, three more simply enjoyed the rush of cool water, and while the undead sections took on the grim mood of a gloomy cemetery, the elf sections looked decidedly more like a poolside party at one of Tsih Killwillow's post-game parties. Honestly, it's a wonder anyone actually paid attention tot he rest of the game. The Dirt Bursters were certainly paying attention, though, and the undead rush to the line on the kickoff was all the elves could handle in the driving rain. Squeezing through a gap with effortless ease, who else but the O.T.B. came through, ball clutched firmly under one arm as he booked it double-time for the end zone. When this ghoul puts what's left of his mind to something, it's very, very hard to make him stop, and the score was knotted at two sooner than anyone realized.

With time enough for another drive, the Wardoves were confident that they could pull off this upset. Unfortunately things started to go sideways for them as soon as the kick was off. And undead peanut vendor, furious that the rain had ruined his heretofore booming business selling blood-flavoured slush, hurled his small vendor cart over the guardrail and onto the unsuspecting head of Valandil Dreadlily of the Wardoves. Dreadlily was fine despite suffering a crushed helmet and a bruised ego, but the gap in the elves' offense would be costly. Lacking proper support, Albiir Featherdeath was overrun by the ravenous undead, and No Guts Bob brought the hammer down on him, putting him out for the remainder of the game. With the line depleted, the elves could only hope for a desperation play to win it for them, but it was not to be. The whistle blew and the final score stood at 2-2. The unbeaten streak for the Dirt Bursters lived on, but the win streak was finally over.

Match MVPs for this game were the Blueriver Wardoves' hard-working Fhorin Bloodmeadow and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters' resurgent golden boy, Lanks McBreak. Further recognition goes out to Angruil Grimmrose, who was absolutely untouchable in the contest, to Dirt Bursters' mummy Khermit who redeemed himself for his early gaffe with a solid defensive presence, and to the O.T.B., whose steady play and careful ball-handling added to the legend. Amazingly enough, the fan presence for the Dusk Hill squad seemed diminished after the game. it could be that their loyalty lasts only so long as the victories pile up...or perhaps they just dried up and blew away before the rain hit.

Week five has almost drawn to a close, sportsfiends! This Sunday we'll have a clash of titans as the Dirt Bursters issue their challenge to the Meathooks, and a surprising return challenge as the Blueriver Wardoves call out the Brutakai Ragefangs once more! Look for more updates soon!

Skaven Start with a Bang, End with a Whimper

Challenge match action from the MMBBL coming at you, sportsfiends! This weekend, the Bloodsand Blasters, those shambling Pez dispensers of pain, made the challenge against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, the scrambliest eggs in the carton. Would speed and cunning make short work of slow and stupid, or would the unstoppable force turn its opponents into immobile objects? Only time would tell.

With the sun shining brightly down on the pitch and not a cloud in the sky, the two teams took to the field. The Bloodsand Blasters won the coin toss and elected to kick first, as their strategy seems to revolve around letting the opponent get all that scoring nonsense out of the way before the beatings can begin. The beatings certainly would begin, as it was evident early on that there wasn't even a referee on the field. Most likely, the officials were "encouraged" to take a long coffee break by the persuasive Blasters mummy corps. The show must go on, as they say, and so on it went.

Any nervousness on the part of the skaven may have been defused quite early as, after a quick pass from Fivel Mausketrap to Piddlepaw, the line rats set about throwing blocks. Stumptail, mustering every ounce of courage and getting a few key assists, took down the corpulent West Nile Cyrus, breaking the mummy's neck with a dry crunch. Dragged off the field by his teammates, it was evident that while the injury would not significantly effect the mummy in the long term, he would still be missing some time to get his spine in order. The Blasters made every effort to rob Piddlepaw of the ball, even stripping it from him briefly, but the wily critter was up again as soon as he was down, and easily scampered free for the first touchdown.

Now set t receive, the Bloodsand Blasters set about very defensive offense, choosing to protect the ball in the event that their creaking, bony fingers couldn't immediately pick the ball up. One doesn't need fingers to throw blocks, however, and the undead set about their usual brutal shenanigans immediately. Old Giza brought his mighty fists to bear on the aforementioned Stumptail, Exacting some revenge for his comrade by breaking the line rat's ribs. Soon thereafter, skeletal phenom Helter Skeleter got hold of Fivel Mausketrap, fracturing his leg and removing one of the Bilgerunners' best offensive tools from contention. The Bilgerunners wouldn't take all this lying down though, and after carefully setting up Durdurhotep, Brutus the blitzer shoved the mummy down in a heap. Though down, Durdurhotep was not out for long, and soon reappeared in the dugout groaning for his teammates. once again, the surprising Helter Skeleter put his stamp on the game, laying out Lamefist the line rat and putting him out of the match.

In all the confusion, however, the Bilgerunners had made their defensive strike. Racing out of harm's way and into the end zone went Squeesplat, and not far behind was the ball. The supremely-dodgey Dingleberry scooped up the ball where it lay after a desperation downfield throw by Hork Ptah, handed off to fellow gutter runner Piddlepaw, who tossed the football into the waiting hands of Squeesplat. It was now a two to nothing game in favour of the Bilgerunners, and with a slow-moving offense like the Blasters', the game might have been over already.

Taking the field confidently to kick off again, the skaven were caught by surprise when a quick snap gave the Blasters some extra momentum. A bewildered Piddlepaw, trying to get out of coverage, tripped up on some stray bandages and threw off the entire skaven defense. The gaffe proved costly as the alarmingly dangerous Old Giza brought his bony belligerence to bear. Tackling the hapless line rat Limpy to the ground, Giza followed up with a double eye-gouge that didn't stop at the eyes. Finally satisfied and covered in brain paste, Old Giza got up and resumed the match, while Limpy, needless to say, did not. As the crowd reeled from the spectacle, largely unnoticed was another casualty caused by Gus Sarcopha, as the skeleton laid out Gimpy, yet another line rat, who would not return to the match and spent the rest of the day mourning the loss of his teammate.

The halftime gong sounded, and never before had there been a sadder-looking bunch of skeletons and mummies. Just as they had gotten on a roll, the skaven were given an opportunity to regroup, and the scoreboard reminded them that while they had been successful in beating their opponents, their opponents were in fact beating them, collectively. Still, the score of 2-0 was overshadowed by the standing ovation given to Helter Skeleter and Old Giza for their impressive casualties, and a large round of laughs for Sahket Toomi, who had unfortunately lost his upper body in the carnage and somehow managed to throw a block or two as only a pair of legs.

As the two teams returned to the field, it looked as though each would return to its standard strategies. The skaven were shorthanded now, but still fast on their feet. The kickoff went to the Blasters once again, and aside from a brisk wind blowing by, all seemed to be proceeding as expected. Many fans, convinced that the skaven victory was secured, had even left early to beat the parking rush, and they would regret it.

Skaven blitzer Jenner opened the half by picking apart the oblivious lower half of Sahket Toomi, putting him out for the rest of the match. Toomi later commented on the hit. "I felt distracted and didn't see him coming. I don't know, I just wasn't all there for that one." Old Giza, inspired by or simply jealous of the success of the once-lowly Helter Skeleter, walloped Squeesplat with a massive shove and the line rat had to be carted off. Things started to get ugly fast, as Dirty Suez was tossed for an attempted foul on a downed gutter runner. Then, Twinkletoes was caught retaliating against a prone Cal Ciferous. The foul proved more costly for the Bilgerunners as Ciferous put himself back together with ease.

In an alarming turn of events, Hork Ptah of the Bloodsand Blasters managed to complete a pass to Dusty Tombs. Tombs took a moment to assess the situation, but eventually got underway and trundled past the depleted skaven defense for an unlikely touchdown. Now leading by only one point, the Bilgerunners needed to maintain control, or at least prevent the undead from getting another shot against the waning skaven forces.

What followed did not help their cause in the slightest. With a mere handful of players on the pitch, the skaven offense was easy to predict, and the Blasters got a jump on them as the play began. Openings were sealed and key players were tied up, and worse yet, the ball was in danger of being picked up by the undead again. The backbreaker for the Bilgerunners came from who else but the explosive Helter Skeleter, who lined up the fallen Brutus and kicked the blitzer squarely in the jaw. Though not permanently disfigured, Brutus was significantly maimed and could not return to the match. Up from the line and into skaven territory came Mister Urns, followed by a handful of skeletons, each hopeful of a chance at glory in the dying minutes. Urns, though meaning well, evoked such descriptive words as "inept" and "hopeless", but eventually Dusty Tombs managed to collect the football and hand it off to Cairo Practor. Practor was virtually unchallenged as he shambled in for the tying point.

With almost no time remaining for a comeback, the skaven were content merely to have survived the match without requiring a forfeit. With only three players remaining on the field, a high kick saw the ball collected by blitzer Jenner, and all the Bilgerunners had time for was a quick pass to Dingleberry before the final bell sounded. It was a wild one, and the final of 2-2 was a telling tale of two very different halves.

The game's MVPs were Cal Ciferous of the Bloodsand Blasters, for reasons not particularly evident, and Stumptail, who played valiantly until being rocked in the first half. Additional accolades go to Old Giza and Cairo Practor for their defensive sensibilities, Squeesplat and Helter Skeleter for their bone-crunching blocks, and Twinkletoes for being a dodgey, shifty, nigh-untouchable runt.

Week five action is coming up this Tuesday, as the formidable Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters take on the talented Blueriver Wardoves, and the slowly-recovering Blackwater Bilgerunners play the Smash and Go'nads. The is the MMBBL - by-weeks are for pansies! See you then!