Hello again out there, sportsfiends! The final game of the Chaos Cup season took place on Tuesday night, and although there was no championship to fight for, the Blueriver Wardoves and the Meathooks both had plenty of motivation to get the win. The Elven squad once again brought the illustrious Prince Moranian on board to even the odds against the more veteran orcish squad.
With the sun shining and a cool breeze in the air, the two teams took to the field. The Wardoves won the coin toss and elected to kick first, though it proved costly in the early going as the ball sailed out of bounds and possession was given to the Meathooks' one-orc wrecking crew, Beef Bigaxe. The elves saw no danger, only opportunity, though, as Bigaxe was swiftly gang-piled by the elves. Emerging from the fray was receiver Sutlan Spearflower, who hurled a pass downfield to Fhorin Bloodmeadow, but the blitzer was unable to reel the ball in due to coverage. Again there was a brief scramble for the ball, but this time it was Meathooks lineman Ramrod Meatmissile emerging with possession. He found fellow lineman Hamfist Goreguts with a quick pass, but history seemed in the habit of repeating itself this day, as Goreguts was brought down as well after making a small running gain.
After this latest failed drive, it was blitzer Albiir Featherdeath making the recovery for the Wardoves, and, determined to put as much distance between the ball and his own end zone, threw a deep, deep pass to Fhorin Bloodmeadow. This time, Bloodmeadow made the catch, only to catch his foot on a stone and topple face-first into the pitch while dodging out of coverage. Young orc blitzer Moose Burger echoed the tactics of the elves, chucking the football as far as possible downfield, and he was surprisingly rewarded when Biggs McStabstab, nominally the only orc with any business throwing a pass, caught the long bomb and scored the unlikely touchdown. The opening point got the orc fans on their feet and screaming, though McStabstab celebrated only by handing the ball off to his teary-eyed mother Gertrude, who had sideline seats to watch her boy play.
Now came the Wardoves' turn on offense. What might have been a great kick was once again blown out of bounds by a strong gust of wind, and Bendark Mossfang started the drive with possession and good field position. The Meathooks weren't about to concede any field position but "face down and unconscious" however, and Chip Bonesaw brought two-hundred-and-eighty pounds of solid work ethic down on the head of Venspar Pondrazor, putting the elf out for the remainder of the match. His sacrifice was not in vain, though, and the distraction of carnage allowed the elves a scoring chance. Mossfang sailed a perfect pass to Tsih Killwillow in the open field, and the light-footed catcher strode untouched into the end zone for a series of electrifying poses, much to the thrill of every elven maiden in the stadium.
With the score tied at one apiece, the next kickoff couldn't proceed right away until a replacement ref had been found. It seemed that Gertrude McStabstab had become upset about what she felt was a missed call, and had to be ejected from the game after beating the halfling official to within an inch of his life. Mrs. McStabstab was escorted out of the arena, and it is rumoured that she's been offered contracts from several teams as a blitzer. When the matter was finally settled, the Meathooks lined up their now-famous special delivery play, and despite intelligent coverage from the Wardoves, the goblin toss was perfectly executed, and Hammish landed within a quick jog to the end zone. Just like that, the orcs had re-established their lead.
The half finished with no more points, but a superb catch by Prince Moranian. Despite double coverage and who knows what kind of smell, the flashy Moranian hauled in a stellar catch, though there wasn't enough time on the clock to complete another play before the half.
When the teams returned to the pitch after a brief intermission, the fans were even more uproarious than before. Concealed by the din and commotion, no one took notice when a man in a beer-hat filled with Mana Up soft drink stood up and hurled a scorching fireball down onto the field. As it plummeted towards the orc line, Rip Steakface unknowingly let rip a terrifying belch, and somehow the cacophonous passing of gas coupled with the myriad chemicals present in the orc's gastrointestinal tract diffused the baleful ball of flame entirely. The entire crowd roared and cheered, but the oblivious Steakface simply licked his lips and took his place on the line of scrimmage.
What happened next was a textbook example of selflessness in the interest of team success. Let it never be said that Tsih Killwillow isn't completely devoted to the Blueriver Wardoves' group success. Facing a world of hurt should the tactic fail, Killwillow threw a key block to give fellow catcher Sutlan Spearflower a clear break for the end zone. Once Bendark Mossfang found him in the open, Spearflower was home free and the score was tied once more.
The orcs knew time was running short and that with careful managing of the clock, they could score the winning point without leaving enough time for the Wardoves to equalize. A quick snap on the kickoff started the orc drive off well, and with a handoff to Hammish it looked like another goblin toss was in the works. Unfortunately, mentioning the term "the works" may have broken the concentration of Gristly Slötturhaus, and the lumbering troll made his best effort to devour the little fellow. The wily Hammish was no stranger to massive appetites, and quickly scrambled loose from the troll's grip, only to be dropped unceremoniously behind him.
The elves, seeing the opportunity, charged forth to take the game into their own hands. Albiir Featherdeath made his move and bore down on the ball with a fury of determination almost palpable. Meanwhile, the orcish line seemed oblivious to the error on the throw, and the hulking T-Boner went about his usual business of crushing skulls for fun and profit. Today his brute force came to bear on Tanthil Twigbreaker, who suffered serious injuries in the ordeal but was restored by a quick trip to the team doctor. The orc squad slowly began to come around to what was going on, and Moose Burger attempted to salvage the play with a pass to fellow blitzer Beef Bigaxe, but the throw was off. Elf lineman Bendrym Cloudrender seized the free ball and sent it spiraling towards Tsih Killwillow in the open. Still, the orc line paid no heed, as evidenced by lineman Lockjaw who was more concerned with putting Pynian Grassripper on a stretcher. Though faulted for his ignorance of the actual play, Lockjaw gains credit for unquestionably dishing it out to the elf lineman, who was carted away to the medics for repairs. Dodging nimbly away from the onrushing orcs as they realized what was going on, Tsih Killwillow ran his second point of the match into the end zone, where the Wardoves' cheerleaders had laid a pile of downy pillows for their golden boy. rose petals flew everywhere, the crowd was awash in sighs, and Tsih Killwillow lounged in the adulation until the next kickoff was ready.
Now on the other side of the clock management game, the Meathooks needed to score, and score fast. The drive began with Pickles making the long pass to Hammish, who despite having almost been eaten on the last drive seemed determined to get it right. The frustration of losing the lead had gotten to several of the orc players though, and it showed early in the drive as Chip Bonesaw blatantly fouled Mlalyn Firefawn of the Wardoves. Firefawn was knocked unconscious, but Bonesaw was tossed from the match, keeping the playing field even. Next came the big play for the Meathooks. Slötturhaus made no move to consume his tiny comrade this time, and all was going well until it was time for Hammish to land. Whether the ground was uneven or the throw was shaky, the end result was a goblin stuck halfway into the turf. The ball squirted free and Fhorin Bloodmeadow pounced on it. Launching a desperation pass to perhaps pad the elves' lead, the ball was somehow snagged in midair by the usually-oblivious T-Boner. Whether he saw the pass coming or not, the ball was in his grasp. He didn't seem to notice, and continued to shove at Prince Moranian until the latter was pushed into the stands. Realization suddenly dawned upon the black orc, however, and he moved to get the ball to someone who could do something with it. Unfortunately the handoff failed. With time winding down, the orcs could only watch as the ball came to rest and the whistle blew. The final score, a 3-2 victory for the Blueriver Wardoves.
The match honours went to Albiir Featherdeath of the Wardoves and to Gort Crudhammer of the Meathooks. A nod goes out to the sneaky play of Lockjaw, who becomes the latest orc to adopt the ball-stripping tactics which his teammates exemplify. Additionally, it looks as though the orc T-Boner is the only player this season to record an interception, marking the second consecutive season in which the award will go to a highly unlikely recipient.
And that, sports fiends, is the MMBBL's Chaos Cup Spring season! You know what's coming next, don't you? That's right, the high heat of Summer brings with it the high adrenaline and scorching excitement of the Blood Bowl! With more teams entering the mix, it's sure to be the most electrifying MMBBL season to date! Check back soon for updates on the new squads and more! See you then!
Showing posts with label Unchecked Appetite. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Unchecked Appetite. Show all posts
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
Undead Dynasty? Dirt Bursters Defend Title
A combination of all-around team effort and unfortunate miscues by their opponents has given the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters their second consecutive MMBBL Championship title. The final score was 3-0 in a match that went almost completely according to their game plan.
The game began with the deafening roar of innumerable orcish fans, which was soon followed by the equally awful din as those fans stormed the field to beat the tar out of the Dirt Bursters. Fortunately for the undead squad, most of their players managed to bury themselves under the pitch before the mob arrived, and as a result were mostly capable of starting the first drive. With disturbing efficiency, the electrifying undead recovered from their premature interment and who else but Ol' Teabagger marched the ball down the field for the score.
When their first drive started, it was a bad case of deja vu for the Meathooks as Gristly Slötterhaus apparently hadn't yet learned not to eat the goblins he's supposed to throw. As a result, newcomer Hammish was nearly devoured and was grievously wounded upon wriggling free. Amid the confusion, who should appear but Ned Gummers, and the ghoul pounced on the loose ball and quickly made tracks to the end zone.
As their final chance of the first half began, the Meathooks nearly responded, after a thrown rock knocked Blacky Gobbler out cold and created an opening in the undead defense. Beef Bigaxe used an herculean effort to pummel his way through three ghouls and a zombie, only to run out of gas at the goal line and collapse in a heap. The bell sounded and it was 2-0 at halftime.
After the break, the Meathooks came out playing desperately to close the gap. They returned to their pushing and shoving roots, but the undead matched them at every turn. Ol' Teabagger was thrown into the stands after the ball came loose, but Chip Bonesaw, who dispatched him thusly, was immediately revenged upon as he too was pushed out, and given a serious wound that saw him depart for the remainder of the match.
With time running down, the Meathooks made an effort to save some face and at least put a score on the board, but they could never have foreseen how it would go wrong on them. Tossing up a pass to pick up a good chunk of yardage, Beef Bigaxe was intercepted by zombie all-star Chunk Norton, leaving everyone in the stadium speechless. His teammates rallied around him, and several minutes later the toughest of customers shambled his way into the end zone, sealing the victory for the Dirt Bursters.
MVPs of the match were T-Boner, newcomer black orc of the Meathooks, and feel-good story of the season Lanks McBreak of the Dirt Bursters, who rose above his station, challenging all opponents to play with as much vigor mortis as he could muster. Hats off, Lanks. Hats off.
While the undead were visibly (and possibly necromantically) energized by the victory, the Meathooks were not so disheartened by the loss. This season has been a great step forward for them, and we anticipate that they will be a force to be reckoned with for many seasons to come.
That's all from the Dungeonbowl Championship, thanks for tuning in, sportsfiends!
The game began with the deafening roar of innumerable orcish fans, which was soon followed by the equally awful din as those fans stormed the field to beat the tar out of the Dirt Bursters. Fortunately for the undead squad, most of their players managed to bury themselves under the pitch before the mob arrived, and as a result were mostly capable of starting the first drive. With disturbing efficiency, the electrifying undead recovered from their premature interment and who else but Ol' Teabagger marched the ball down the field for the score.
When their first drive started, it was a bad case of deja vu for the Meathooks as Gristly Slötterhaus apparently hadn't yet learned not to eat the goblins he's supposed to throw. As a result, newcomer Hammish was nearly devoured and was grievously wounded upon wriggling free. Amid the confusion, who should appear but Ned Gummers, and the ghoul pounced on the loose ball and quickly made tracks to the end zone.
As their final chance of the first half began, the Meathooks nearly responded, after a thrown rock knocked Blacky Gobbler out cold and created an opening in the undead defense. Beef Bigaxe used an herculean effort to pummel his way through three ghouls and a zombie, only to run out of gas at the goal line and collapse in a heap. The bell sounded and it was 2-0 at halftime.
After the break, the Meathooks came out playing desperately to close the gap. They returned to their pushing and shoving roots, but the undead matched them at every turn. Ol' Teabagger was thrown into the stands after the ball came loose, but Chip Bonesaw, who dispatched him thusly, was immediately revenged upon as he too was pushed out, and given a serious wound that saw him depart for the remainder of the match.
With time running down, the Meathooks made an effort to save some face and at least put a score on the board, but they could never have foreseen how it would go wrong on them. Tossing up a pass to pick up a good chunk of yardage, Beef Bigaxe was intercepted by zombie all-star Chunk Norton, leaving everyone in the stadium speechless. His teammates rallied around him, and several minutes later the toughest of customers shambled his way into the end zone, sealing the victory for the Dirt Bursters.
MVPs of the match were T-Boner, newcomer black orc of the Meathooks, and feel-good story of the season Lanks McBreak of the Dirt Bursters, who rose above his station, challenging all opponents to play with as much vigor mortis as he could muster. Hats off, Lanks. Hats off.
While the undead were visibly (and possibly necromantically) energized by the victory, the Meathooks were not so disheartened by the loss. This season has been a great step forward for them, and we anticipate that they will be a force to be reckoned with for many seasons to come.
That's all from the Dungeonbowl Championship, thanks for tuning in, sportsfiends!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Semi-finals or Semi-funerals?
The semi-final round of the MMBBL Dungeonbowl Championship has passed, leaving a pulpy, purpley, putrid smear across the pitch. Game one saw a rematch with very vicious implications as the Meathooks squared off against the upstart Woad Warriors for a trip to the finals.
This game may go on record as the most violent yet, and words like "battlefield" and "brutality" do it no true justice. If casualties caused were the measure of victory, these two teams would sit on a pillar of devastation for all to aspire to match. In the very opening of the game, with the Meathooks on offense, what began as a well-known and highly popular goblin-tossing play quickly disintegrated into a light snack for Gristly Slötterhaus, and as a result newcomer Bacon Sandwich caused a turnover.
The remainder of the match was barely about the Bowl and mostly about the Blood. In the scoring column, however, orc blitzer Stabbo was once again the difference maker, his two touchdowns stacking up against one from William Wallops of the scotsmen. The injury roster was far more exciting. Gort Crudhammer opened the hostilities when he put Robert the Brute down for the count. Connor MacClod, Ulfwerener for the Warriors, responded quickly by laying out Lockjaw with a seriously pinched nerve. Not to be outdone, Chip Bonesaw hit Frogurt Louis Stevenson so hard that F.L.S. skipped shuffling off the mortal coil and did more of a two-step into oblivion. Once again the Woad Warriors responded, hitting the Meathooks where it already hurt when Chuck MacCaber gave the much-maligned Bacon Sandwich an impromptu back massage with his cleats. And folks, that's just the first half.
The slaughter continued after the break, beginning when walking roadblock Beefquake sat Sean Clobbery down for the remainder of the match. The Woad Warriors had no response this time, as their line was severely depleted, and Hamfist Goreguts of the Meathooks followed it up by caving in the skull of Warriors captain Kilt Chamberlain. He will not be returning to the team, to consciousness, nor anywhere that isn't "the Earth from which he came". Chuck macCaber, however, picked up the mantle almost immediately, earning some measure of retribution by sending Hamfist packing the next turn. Gristly Slötterhaus, seemingly ordered to pulverize the vengeful human thrower, mistakenly attacked the Warriors' other thrower, and Robert Sideburns was left whimpering on the pitch with a hip that more closely resembled a jigsaw puzzle.
Not content with how they had avenged their captain's death, MacCaber and lineman Duncan Donuts were both tossed for flagrant fouls towards the end of the match.
MVPs for this game were Robert the Brute, Woad Warrior lineman, who has become a true nuisance for opposing blockers, and the stellar Stabbo, who not only stole the show with his two touchdowns, but also knocked over anyone who wanted to change the channel on his highlight-reel caliber performance. Other notables were Gristly Slötterhaus and his stoic, deadly immobility, Gort Crudhammer, who reportedly has contracted rabies from a wolf bite early in the match, and William Wallops, who apparently will not be taking "I'm okay" as an answer when he knocks someone down. After the match, brief funeral services were observed by both squads for the two fallen scots, with eulegies read by their respective killers. Since both squads share a belief in honour from death in battle, there were no hard feelings.
Game two was, comparably, far less violent. The beleaguered yet determined Eternal Twilight squad faced the returning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters for their shot at the finals. Reports out of this game are sketchy at best, as the entire staff on hand was undead in some fashion, either at the start of the game or by the end of it. What we do know is that the rivalry between the "high" and "low" undead has picked up quite a bit, with the dirty, shambling denizens of the Dirt Bursters fandom seizing their perceived opportunity to depose the current vampire nobility and begin their own muddy, worm-ridden reign.
The end score, by accounts from survivors, was 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters, with points being scored by ghouls Ned Gummers and Ol'Teabagger. Evidently, most of the Endless Twilight, including their thralls, did manage to escape wholesale slaughter, though Smoking Pyre Ashes was mauled extensively by the indomitable and surprisingly eloquent Magut, who is up to words with more than one vowel and is possibly on the cusp of discovering the number three. The Endless Twilight has reportedly retreated to Luthor Von Drakenborg's mountain estate for the Spring, to train, reflect on their experiences, and hopefully be back again one day to compete for another championship.
The matches MVPs were More Like-Chicken of the Endless Twilight, who gets points for simply staying alive, and Lanks McBreak, the feel-good story of the year for Dirt Bursters fans. He's a common skeleton with no heart, no brains, but courage like you wouldn't believe. We'll be watching him in the finals, to be sure.
The Championship Game is almost upon us! The Meathooks have fantastic momentum, winning three straight games to get here, and the defending champs, the Dirt Bursters, are as ferocious as ever! Check back soon to find out if the biggest smear on the trophy will be blood, or embalming fluid!
This game may go on record as the most violent yet, and words like "battlefield" and "brutality" do it no true justice. If casualties caused were the measure of victory, these two teams would sit on a pillar of devastation for all to aspire to match. In the very opening of the game, with the Meathooks on offense, what began as a well-known and highly popular goblin-tossing play quickly disintegrated into a light snack for Gristly Slötterhaus, and as a result newcomer Bacon Sandwich caused a turnover.
The remainder of the match was barely about the Bowl and mostly about the Blood. In the scoring column, however, orc blitzer Stabbo was once again the difference maker, his two touchdowns stacking up against one from William Wallops of the scotsmen. The injury roster was far more exciting. Gort Crudhammer opened the hostilities when he put Robert the Brute down for the count. Connor MacClod, Ulfwerener for the Warriors, responded quickly by laying out Lockjaw with a seriously pinched nerve. Not to be outdone, Chip Bonesaw hit Frogurt Louis Stevenson so hard that F.L.S. skipped shuffling off the mortal coil and did more of a two-step into oblivion. Once again the Woad Warriors responded, hitting the Meathooks where it already hurt when Chuck MacCaber gave the much-maligned Bacon Sandwich an impromptu back massage with his cleats. And folks, that's just the first half.
The slaughter continued after the break, beginning when walking roadblock Beefquake sat Sean Clobbery down for the remainder of the match. The Woad Warriors had no response this time, as their line was severely depleted, and Hamfist Goreguts of the Meathooks followed it up by caving in the skull of Warriors captain Kilt Chamberlain. He will not be returning to the team, to consciousness, nor anywhere that isn't "the Earth from which he came". Chuck macCaber, however, picked up the mantle almost immediately, earning some measure of retribution by sending Hamfist packing the next turn. Gristly Slötterhaus, seemingly ordered to pulverize the vengeful human thrower, mistakenly attacked the Warriors' other thrower, and Robert Sideburns was left whimpering on the pitch with a hip that more closely resembled a jigsaw puzzle.
Not content with how they had avenged their captain's death, MacCaber and lineman Duncan Donuts were both tossed for flagrant fouls towards the end of the match.
MVPs for this game were Robert the Brute, Woad Warrior lineman, who has become a true nuisance for opposing blockers, and the stellar Stabbo, who not only stole the show with his two touchdowns, but also knocked over anyone who wanted to change the channel on his highlight-reel caliber performance. Other notables were Gristly Slötterhaus and his stoic, deadly immobility, Gort Crudhammer, who reportedly has contracted rabies from a wolf bite early in the match, and William Wallops, who apparently will not be taking "I'm okay" as an answer when he knocks someone down. After the match, brief funeral services were observed by both squads for the two fallen scots, with eulegies read by their respective killers. Since both squads share a belief in honour from death in battle, there were no hard feelings.
Game two was, comparably, far less violent. The beleaguered yet determined Eternal Twilight squad faced the returning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters for their shot at the finals. Reports out of this game are sketchy at best, as the entire staff on hand was undead in some fashion, either at the start of the game or by the end of it. What we do know is that the rivalry between the "high" and "low" undead has picked up quite a bit, with the dirty, shambling denizens of the Dirt Bursters fandom seizing their perceived opportunity to depose the current vampire nobility and begin their own muddy, worm-ridden reign.
The end score, by accounts from survivors, was 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters, with points being scored by ghouls Ned Gummers and Ol'Teabagger. Evidently, most of the Endless Twilight, including their thralls, did manage to escape wholesale slaughter, though Smoking Pyre Ashes was mauled extensively by the indomitable and surprisingly eloquent Magut, who is up to words with more than one vowel and is possibly on the cusp of discovering the number three. The Endless Twilight has reportedly retreated to Luthor Von Drakenborg's mountain estate for the Spring, to train, reflect on their experiences, and hopefully be back again one day to compete for another championship.
The matches MVPs were More Like-Chicken of the Endless Twilight, who gets points for simply staying alive, and Lanks McBreak, the feel-good story of the year for Dirt Bursters fans. He's a common skeleton with no heart, no brains, but courage like you wouldn't believe. We'll be watching him in the finals, to be sure.
The Championship Game is almost upon us! The Meathooks have fantastic momentum, winning three straight games to get here, and the defending champs, the Dirt Bursters, are as ferocious as ever! Check back soon to find out if the biggest smear on the trophy will be blood, or embalming fluid!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
We're Not Dead! Most of Us, Anyway.
Apologies for the prolonged blogging absence, dear anyone who actually reads this. Shuffling at the office and all that. Anyway, two games to report on in our long stretch of low activity, though some of the gory details remain lost in the sands of time (and blood blends right in once it's dried).
A match between the Day's End and the Woad Warriors ended at the halftime whistle, when the beleaguered vampire squad was down to its last thrall and had suffered vampiric casualties as well. The final score was 1-0 on a touchdown from Berserker William Wallops. After the game, it was revealed that elite player and snappy dresser Count Luthor Von Drakenborg, after spending time on and off the pitch with the Day's End, had become a part-owner and announced a restructuring plan for the squad. Now known as the Endless Twilight, the vampires are prepping themselves for the future and the upcoming first round of the playoffs. We wish them the best of luck in their new direction! The Woad Warriors were far too drunk to comment.
In the weeks that followed, damage caused by the previously-mentioned Uncontrollable Angry Mob had reduced the number of playable venues drastically, leaving only a dirty stretch of battlefield as a viable location for a match. Seizing the opportunity, the Meathooks and Woad Warriors showed up to compete. At least, the Meathooks did. By all accounts, the scotsmen showed up to take a series of dirtnaps. The final score was 3-0 for the orcs, with a two touchdown performance from the unstoppable Beef Bigaxe and a third from lineman Chip Bonesaw. At the very start of the match, things seemed to sway in the Meathooks' favour as one of their legions of fans pegged Berserker Sean Clobbery of the Woad Warriors square in the head off the first drive. It was also evident that the referees hadn't been informed of the match's location in a timely fashion, and they weren't even present to flip the opening coin toss, much less officiate the first half. A gnome was flipped instead.
The matches MVPs were Gristly Slötterhaus, the Meathooks' foul-tempered and even fouler-smelling troll blocker, and Robert Sideburns, thrower for the Woad Warriors, who at th every least didn't fall down very much. Biggs McStabstab gets a nod as well for his key passing ability during the second half which put the game away for good. While there were a few injuries for both sides, their respective medics stopped the trauma with relative ease, and everyone walked away from this one on their own power. After the match, the Meathooks announced the signing of a goblin player, one Bacon Sandwich ( no relation to Abraham Sandwich of the Fly-by Knights, so we're told) who will undoubtedly become the cornerstone to a troll throwing play...or just the cornerstone of a troll's lunch, we aren't sure yet.
This week the playoffs for the Dungeonbowl begin, and better late than never! The Meathooks and Woad Warriors are primed for a rematch, while the newly reformed Endless Twilight will be testing their mettle against the imposing Dirt Bursters. See you there!
A match between the Day's End and the Woad Warriors ended at the halftime whistle, when the beleaguered vampire squad was down to its last thrall and had suffered vampiric casualties as well. The final score was 1-0 on a touchdown from Berserker William Wallops. After the game, it was revealed that elite player and snappy dresser Count Luthor Von Drakenborg, after spending time on and off the pitch with the Day's End, had become a part-owner and announced a restructuring plan for the squad. Now known as the Endless Twilight, the vampires are prepping themselves for the future and the upcoming first round of the playoffs. We wish them the best of luck in their new direction! The Woad Warriors were far too drunk to comment.
In the weeks that followed, damage caused by the previously-mentioned Uncontrollable Angry Mob had reduced the number of playable venues drastically, leaving only a dirty stretch of battlefield as a viable location for a match. Seizing the opportunity, the Meathooks and Woad Warriors showed up to compete. At least, the Meathooks did. By all accounts, the scotsmen showed up to take a series of dirtnaps. The final score was 3-0 for the orcs, with a two touchdown performance from the unstoppable Beef Bigaxe and a third from lineman Chip Bonesaw. At the very start of the match, things seemed to sway in the Meathooks' favour as one of their legions of fans pegged Berserker Sean Clobbery of the Woad Warriors square in the head off the first drive. It was also evident that the referees hadn't been informed of the match's location in a timely fashion, and they weren't even present to flip the opening coin toss, much less officiate the first half. A gnome was flipped instead.
The matches MVPs were Gristly Slötterhaus, the Meathooks' foul-tempered and even fouler-smelling troll blocker, and Robert Sideburns, thrower for the Woad Warriors, who at th every least didn't fall down very much. Biggs McStabstab gets a nod as well for his key passing ability during the second half which put the game away for good. While there were a few injuries for both sides, their respective medics stopped the trauma with relative ease, and everyone walked away from this one on their own power. After the match, the Meathooks announced the signing of a goblin player, one Bacon Sandwich ( no relation to Abraham Sandwich of the Fly-by Knights, so we're told) who will undoubtedly become the cornerstone to a troll throwing play...or just the cornerstone of a troll's lunch, we aren't sure yet.
This week the playoffs for the Dungeonbowl begin, and better late than never! The Meathooks and Woad Warriors are primed for a rematch, while the newly reformed Endless Twilight will be testing their mettle against the imposing Dirt Bursters. See you there!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
It's Actually Not that Hard Being Green
Week three action in the MMBBL is coming to you, hot off the presses! This week's two matches saw the Woad Warriors take on the Dirt Bursters, while the Day's End faced off against the Meathooks.
The first match concluded with the final score 2-0 in favour of the Undead, in what was considered by the record-breaking crowd to be a soft, friendly match. Touchdowns were scored by No Guts Bob the wight, and Ned Gummers the very adept ghoul. No serious injuries were caused until well past halftime, and all three of these were handled expertly by the Woad Warriors' training staff or not so serious that a week's rest wouldn't cure all damage. The weather during the game was particularly odd, with blizzard conditions prevailing for the first half, including another strange bolt of lightning coming down to only partially singe Ol' Teabagger of the Dirt Bursters.
This matches MVP awards were given to Robert Sideburns, Scottish thrower, for his presence of mind and great ball control during the adverse weather, and Blacky Gobbler, ghoul player for the Dusk Hill team. Other notables included Chuck MacCaber, who mirrored his MVP teammate's great control, and Lanks McBreak, who endured countless severe beatings until finally steeling his bony resolve and dishing out a casualty of his own, showing that finally, eventually, a creature with nothing left in his brain cavity can learn to block.
Game two made up for what the first game lacked in punishing play. The Meathooks squeezed out a 3-2 victory over the Day's End, but the amount of injuries sustained by the Day's End Thrall corps is a testament to the resolve of their Vampires. Once again, under the tutelage of Count Luthor Von Drakenborg, they took the field in an effort to prove that style has a place in this league of rusty armour and slapdash body paint.
Touchdowns for the Day's End were scored by Von Drakenborg himself, as well as The Prince of the Nine, who is leading the way as far as training among the vampires is concerned, with his blocking skillls gaining some polish. The Meathooks found the endzone three times thanks to an hurculean effort by Stabbo, a blitzer who was seemingly tired of living in Beef Bigaxe's shadow. An absolute marvel on the pitch today, he's quickly asserted himself as the Orc to watch for this year's MVP awards. With two strong, speedy blitzers (and who knows how many to come up from the minor leagues with time) the green offense just got a lot more offensive.
Four major casualties were caused by the Meathooks squad, with line orc Lockjaw, blitzer Stabbo, and black orcs Gort Crudhammer and Grunt Skunchman contributing to the carnage. The myriad of other downed thralls was due to a combination of poor footing and unchecked appetite. MVP of the match for the Meathooks was Hamfist Goreguts (presumably because of Stabbo's inability to be given the award after being paraded out of the stadium by thousands of ecstatic orc supporters) who recently recieved an armour endorsement from ReBlok. Spicy, Thrall of the Day's End also got the MVP nod, but will likely have to receive the honour from a hospital bed, having sustained a serious injury which seems to point towards chronic relapse if he's ever hurt again. The Meathooks' other notable performances came from the blocking and bashing skill of Grunt Skunchman, Pickles' dead-eye throwing skill, and of course Stabbo's ball-stripping prowess.
We've reached the halfway point of the Dungeonbowl season! Each of the four teams will play each other again before the playoffs begin. Next week we'll have the Woad Warriors rumbling with the Day's End, and the highly anticipated rematch between the Meathooks and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Don't miss out, it's gonna be a wild one!
The first match concluded with the final score 2-0 in favour of the Undead, in what was considered by the record-breaking crowd to be a soft, friendly match. Touchdowns were scored by No Guts Bob the wight, and Ned Gummers the very adept ghoul. No serious injuries were caused until well past halftime, and all three of these were handled expertly by the Woad Warriors' training staff or not so serious that a week's rest wouldn't cure all damage. The weather during the game was particularly odd, with blizzard conditions prevailing for the first half, including another strange bolt of lightning coming down to only partially singe Ol' Teabagger of the Dirt Bursters.
This matches MVP awards were given to Robert Sideburns, Scottish thrower, for his presence of mind and great ball control during the adverse weather, and Blacky Gobbler, ghoul player for the Dusk Hill team. Other notables included Chuck MacCaber, who mirrored his MVP teammate's great control, and Lanks McBreak, who endured countless severe beatings until finally steeling his bony resolve and dishing out a casualty of his own, showing that finally, eventually, a creature with nothing left in his brain cavity can learn to block.
Game two made up for what the first game lacked in punishing play. The Meathooks squeezed out a 3-2 victory over the Day's End, but the amount of injuries sustained by the Day's End Thrall corps is a testament to the resolve of their Vampires. Once again, under the tutelage of Count Luthor Von Drakenborg, they took the field in an effort to prove that style has a place in this league of rusty armour and slapdash body paint.
Touchdowns for the Day's End were scored by Von Drakenborg himself, as well as The Prince of the Nine, who is leading the way as far as training among the vampires is concerned, with his blocking skillls gaining some polish. The Meathooks found the endzone three times thanks to an hurculean effort by Stabbo, a blitzer who was seemingly tired of living in Beef Bigaxe's shadow. An absolute marvel on the pitch today, he's quickly asserted himself as the Orc to watch for this year's MVP awards. With two strong, speedy blitzers (and who knows how many to come up from the minor leagues with time) the green offense just got a lot more offensive.
Four major casualties were caused by the Meathooks squad, with line orc Lockjaw, blitzer Stabbo, and black orcs Gort Crudhammer and Grunt Skunchman contributing to the carnage. The myriad of other downed thralls was due to a combination of poor footing and unchecked appetite. MVP of the match for the Meathooks was Hamfist Goreguts (presumably because of Stabbo's inability to be given the award after being paraded out of the stadium by thousands of ecstatic orc supporters) who recently recieved an armour endorsement from ReBlok. Spicy, Thrall of the Day's End also got the MVP nod, but will likely have to receive the honour from a hospital bed, having sustained a serious injury which seems to point towards chronic relapse if he's ever hurt again. The Meathooks' other notable performances came from the blocking and bashing skill of Grunt Skunchman, Pickles' dead-eye throwing skill, and of course Stabbo's ball-stripping prowess.
We've reached the halfway point of the Dungeonbowl season! Each of the four teams will play each other again before the playoffs begin. Next week we'll have the Woad Warriors rumbling with the Day's End, and the highly anticipated rematch between the Meathooks and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Don't miss out, it's gonna be a wild one!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Night of the Hooligans
The Dungeonbowl season kicked off last night with two great matches. The first match saw newcomer teams the Day's End and the Woad Warriors square off against each other, while the second pitted the veteran squad the Meathooks against the reigning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.
The first match started awkwardly for both squads. Many of the Woad Warriors seem to have shown up a bit shaky and fell down with regularity. Conversely, the first fatality of the season came not at the hands of an opposing team, but from the same squad as the casualty, as The Prince of the Nine, resplendent in his uniform and cape, briefly lost control and drained the life of the thrall known simply as Robust. This apparently served to motivate the Day's End, and the game was theirs from that point on.
Touchdowns were scored by the thralls Like-Chicken and Bland, and by The Prince of the Nine himself. We are unclear as to what the Nine is, or why there are Nine of them, but after his display of both monstrous appetite and top-notch game sense, his fans are certain that it's a combination of unpleasant hells and a mix of herbs and spices. The Woad Warriors came close on a couple of occasions, but couldn't stay standing long enough to get into the end zone. Unfortunately as well for the Warriors, a riot erupted and saw a great deal of time lost and a great deal of fans depart on a rampage to who-knows-where.
Injuries were suffered by both squads, including the second fatality of the season administered by Duncan Donuts, the overweight, overbearing and over-the-top lineman of the Warriors. To the woe of the Day's End, he took down Bland, one of their touchdown scorers from earlier in the game. The thrall known as Tinny added a serious injury of his own, knocking berserker William Wallops our of the match. Lineman Kilt Chamberlain fell down while trying to escape a pile-up at midfield, and will miss a game due to a smashed knee.
The final score was 3-0, and MVPs for the match were the thrall "Sour" of the Day's End, and Ewen McGrogger of the Woad Warriors, who recieved this season's first equipment sponsorship from Ironplaid Industries.
Game number two of the night was another brutal affair, not especially because of violence, but because of the parade of errors on the pitch that led to the match ending in a 1-1 draw. Most of the first half was spent in a perpetual scrum at midfield, as neither orc nor zombie seemed capable of picking up a ball that may as well have been covered in soap. The game was played in bright sunshine that gave way to blizzard conditions eventually, resulting in even less offense. In fact, not a single score was registered in the first half of the game.
The second half was a more interesting affair, with touchdowns being run in by the star players of each team. Ol' Teabagger brought it in for the Dirt Bursters, and Beef Bigaxe made the score to tie it for the the Meathooks. On the next kickoff, however, the rioting fans from the first game of the night made their way to this stadium as well, and the clock wound up running until only a few seconds remained. The game ended with a whimper instead of a bang.
MVPs of the match were Pickles of the Meathooks, a thrower who managed to...well, we aren't quite sure what he did this game, and Ned Gummers the ghoul for the Dirt Bursters, who has followed the exercise regimen pioneered by his teammate Ol' Teabagger and increased his mobility. No word on the current whereabouts of the angry mob that stormed through both games, but other teams and leagues are advised to be on the lookout.
The first match started awkwardly for both squads. Many of the Woad Warriors seem to have shown up a bit shaky and fell down with regularity. Conversely, the first fatality of the season came not at the hands of an opposing team, but from the same squad as the casualty, as The Prince of the Nine, resplendent in his uniform and cape, briefly lost control and drained the life of the thrall known simply as Robust. This apparently served to motivate the Day's End, and the game was theirs from that point on.
Touchdowns were scored by the thralls Like-Chicken and Bland, and by The Prince of the Nine himself. We are unclear as to what the Nine is, or why there are Nine of them, but after his display of both monstrous appetite and top-notch game sense, his fans are certain that it's a combination of unpleasant hells and a mix of herbs and spices. The Woad Warriors came close on a couple of occasions, but couldn't stay standing long enough to get into the end zone. Unfortunately as well for the Warriors, a riot erupted and saw a great deal of time lost and a great deal of fans depart on a rampage to who-knows-where.
Injuries were suffered by both squads, including the second fatality of the season administered by Duncan Donuts, the overweight, overbearing and over-the-top lineman of the Warriors. To the woe of the Day's End, he took down Bland, one of their touchdown scorers from earlier in the game. The thrall known as Tinny added a serious injury of his own, knocking berserker William Wallops our of the match. Lineman Kilt Chamberlain fell down while trying to escape a pile-up at midfield, and will miss a game due to a smashed knee.
The final score was 3-0, and MVPs for the match were the thrall "Sour" of the Day's End, and Ewen McGrogger of the Woad Warriors, who recieved this season's first equipment sponsorship from Ironplaid Industries.
Game number two of the night was another brutal affair, not especially because of violence, but because of the parade of errors on the pitch that led to the match ending in a 1-1 draw. Most of the first half was spent in a perpetual scrum at midfield, as neither orc nor zombie seemed capable of picking up a ball that may as well have been covered in soap. The game was played in bright sunshine that gave way to blizzard conditions eventually, resulting in even less offense. In fact, not a single score was registered in the first half of the game.
The second half was a more interesting affair, with touchdowns being run in by the star players of each team. Ol' Teabagger brought it in for the Dirt Bursters, and Beef Bigaxe made the score to tie it for the the Meathooks. On the next kickoff, however, the rioting fans from the first game of the night made their way to this stadium as well, and the clock wound up running until only a few seconds remained. The game ended with a whimper instead of a bang.
MVPs of the match were Pickles of the Meathooks, a thrower who managed to...well, we aren't quite sure what he did this game, and Ned Gummers the ghoul for the Dirt Bursters, who has followed the exercise regimen pioneered by his teammate Ol' Teabagger and increased his mobility. No word on the current whereabouts of the angry mob that stormed through both games, but other teams and leagues are advised to be on the lookout.
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