A-Nile-Ators Hold on for Tie, Spinebreakers Just Hold on

Kay Offwrong here for another report from MMBBL Action in the Bloodbath Division, where last season's Cinderella story, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, played host to quite possibly one of the top teams of the future, the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators. And what a game this was setting up to be, as both teams really needed a win to get involved in the playoff picture. The weather was beautiful, and the stands were split up almost evenly, with the slight edge of the 26 506 in attendance cheering for the hometown Greenskins.

The A-Nile-Ators won the coin toss and with it elected to receive. The ladies from Ibisi also decided to hire on some extra talent by the name of Helmut Wulf, the chainsaw wielding maniac, along with extra medical personnel and some Bloodweiser Boys, with a little something extra for the referee to keep his eyes on the Spinebreakers.

The kick was away and landed halfway between midfield and the A-Nile-Ators end zone, and with that the game was underway. At the line Sand Witch threw her shoulder into Kolark Bonefist, who was caught off guard and sent to the Spinebreaker sideline to rest up for the next drive. Arish Cream attempted to get into the open but as she tried to dodge away from Brakgul Bloodsnarl, she tripped over his disgustingly large feet and crashed into the turf, which was just enough to start the forward surge of the thick Green Defensive line.

After her beautiful hit on Bonefist, Sand Witch dodged away from the ever hungry Galthuk Battlewail and scooped up the ball, tossing it to Ibisi thrower La Nuclear Turnip, who reeled in the ball and began her stride downfield. Unfortunately, none of the A-Nile-Ators were open and when Grace Quirrel attempted to change that, she tripped over her own feet and the orc line surged again. The orcs managed to get some bodies in front of Miss Turnip but the nimble lady managed to slip through their clutches and toss a beautiful pass downfield, to a suddenly wide-open Sun Bern, who was more than halfway to the orc endzone.

With ragged breath, Soran Steelfury caught up to Bern and managed to strip the ball out of her hands, but despite his best efforts it fell next to her on the grass waiting for someone to scoop it up. Just then, the a-Nile-Ators' hired help decided to get in on the action, and as the crack of the chainsaw distracted and impacted the orcs' defensive forces, Helmut Wulf knocked star blitzer Kiro Stormaxe onto the turf, giving the A-Nile-Ators as good a chance as they could hope for. All Tufnutella had to do was scoop up the ball, and she was into the endzone, giving her team the one to nothing lead, halfway through the first half.

As the Goblin Referee counted his coins, the Helmut Wulf once more took his place on the pitch with the Ibisi girls, this time to defend. The Kick was decent and landed fairly close to Gan'Rul Bloodeye, the untrusted orc thrower who managed to pick up the ball and bring it towards Chuck Skudfungus. To the surprise of many in attendance, the handoff was a fake, and Zor Loneblow charged forward, crashed into Ibisi linewoman Nevfer Timid. Despite the unforeseen play, Helmut Wulf saw his opening, bursting over midfield and bringing his chainsaw to bear against Bloodeye, knocking down the thrower and popping the ball loose.

Battlewail took exception to the blatant attack on his thrower, and laid a crushing hit on Helmut, while Bloodeye regained consciousness and gathered up the ball once more. Finally the handoff was made to the soon-to-be-airborne goblin. With a mighty sigh from the projectile pipsqueak and an equally mighty grunt from the living catapult called Zor Loneblow, Skudfungus was in the air, sailing towards the endzone. The little guy hit the turf running and made his way frantically towards his goal, until he stepped on his own toes and fell flat on his face, knocking himself unconscious.

With the ball deep in the corner of the endzone, La Nuclear Turnip had just enough time to run in, pick up the ball and search out a target. Her long bomb pass was on the mark, and caught easily by newcomer Hiss Isis, who took four consecutive hits from the furious Spinebreakers before Steelfury was finally able to strip the ball away from her. The hometown Hero, Kiro Stormaxe, finally got his mitts on the ball but was unable to to escape coverage and took a spill himself. As Hiss Isis recovered the ball and attempted to hand off to Sun Bern, the sharp and dangerous dragon egg used as a ball caught her in the neck and sent her to the sideline for the remainder of the drive. There wasn't much of a drive left anyway, and the whistle blew for halftime. Both teams scrambled to the locker room as the coaches tried to convey some type of new strategy to the teams.

On the ensuing Kickoff a disgruntled Spinebreaker fan tossed his Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet at Kolark Bonefist, knocking the black orc face first into the pitch. Still Gan'rul Bloodeye managed to snag the ball and make a quick toss to Soran Steelfury who broke upfield. The resourceful Sand Witch was able to get a very lucky shot off on Steelfury, and the ball again came loose. As Grace Quirrel attempted to get to the ball, she fell, and the home town boys pressed on, led by Bloodeye who again grabbed the ball and made his way into a very protective orc pocket, searching for a receiver.

Enter Zaga Zig, and enter she did! A beauty of a hit sent Bloodeye sprawling on the ground and the ball was again loose. The only player who could get his hands on it was Soran Steelfury, who scooped up the ball and rumbled into the endzone for the tying score before Gan'rul could even open his weary eyes. 1-1 was the score and it was shaping up for a photo finish.

The next kick again saw the fans showing their love and support for the fielded teams. And another Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet came soaring out of the stands at Kolark Bonefist, this time however the very slow black orc was able to duck in time and the helmet hit A-Nile-Ators blitzer Arish Cream, knocking her unconscious. The kick landed right on the line of scrimmage and a total brawl ensued. A brilliant blitz By Kiro Stormaxe saw him make his way dangerously close to the goal. Steelfury shoved Sand Witch out of bounds and the crowed gave her a bit of a roughing up, but game-saver Nevfer Timid laid a beautiful hit on Stormaxe to keep him out of scoring position. With nothing left to do but scrum about for the ball, the whistle blew. Late game heroics from both squads!

MVPs of the match were Sun Bern for her excellent play, and Orok Deathbane who at times looked like he may do things. That's all from Razor Hill and Dragon Spine Stadium! Tune in to the MMBBL for more news and updates from our other games.

Two Weeks' Worth of Procrastination. Here's the news in brief!

Due to a combination of writer's block and tightly-packed schedules, MMBBL blog updates were stymied these last two weeks. Since going back to write up for each game, at this point, would only delay future reports as well, we're going to give you the reports in brief from each of five games that recently went down.

Week two action saw three games played, the first of which was a battle between the stalwart Smash and Go'nads and the highly unfortunate Muenster Valley Stinkers.
When all was said and done, the score was a surprisingly narrow victory for the Go'nads, 3-2, with the winning touchdown coming very late in the second half. Stu Padasso, Adam Meway and Moe Lester scored for the dwarves, while Nudgy Bangfart and Donker Dungheap earned the goblin squad's points. MVPs were Stu Padasso and Windmill Widegut. Widegut also suffered a serious injury in the second half, and will miss the next game as a result.

Second on the card was a match between the highly-favoured Blueriver Wardoves and the newcomers of the Sun Temple Chupacabras.
The hometown team beat the odds and came out with a 3-2 victory of the Wardoves. Touchdowns for the lizardmen were scored by Pablo, Harpo and Sue Xtopilopicoatl, while Fhorin Bloodmeadow and Albiir Featherdeath put points up for the elves. MVP awards went to El Mucho Grande, saurus of the Chupacabras, and Fhorin Bloodmeadow, the Wardoves blitzer. Tanthil Twigbreaker suffered an undisclosed but non-serious injury, and will be resting up during the Wardoves' upcoming second game.

The third and final match of week two pitted the speedy skaven of the Blackwater Bilgerunners against the rowdy chaos forces of the BloodDrunk Berserkers. We did manage to get this report in from one of our skaven correspondents, and here's the wire from the Tidybowl now.
Tonight's match was the inaugural meet at the Bilgerunners Tidybowl, and the cool dank air that passes for a nice day in the city cisterns greeted nearly twenty thousand rabid fans. Fresh off their preseason matches, the Blackwater Bilgerunners took to the field with professional confidence, flanked by their new assistant coach and cheerleading team. Facing them would be the chaotic BloodDrunk Berserkers, resplendent in their spiked crimson armor, and snarling in defiance.

As the Chaos Warriors kicked to the Skaven team, it appears the Bilgerunners' new assistant coach was already earning his keep. With O'Rattigan roaring and pounding through the front lines, Skaven captain Fivel Mausketrap scooped up the ball, lobbing the pass off to Twinkletoes. Breaking through the newly opened hole in the Berserker defenses, Twinkletoes sprinted into the end zone in a textbook Rat Rush. The Bilgerunners looked to have all the breaks so far, could the Berserkers respond?

The answer came in the sound of diesel fueled mayhem as Max Spleenripper took to the line of scrimmage. Once again the coaching staff of the Bilgerunners were at their peak, and the ball sailed off to rest in a far corner of the Chaos field. Brilliant coaching was no match for the spinning chromite teeth however, as Max tore into O'Rattigan with his trusty chainsaw. First blood had been spilled, and the rat ogre was sent to the infimary for the rest of the match. Apparently, brute force was an excellent response to speed and skill in this league, as braying beastmen Skin Shredder and Gutripper knocked the sense out of Gurglergasp and Gimpy respectively. Meanwhile, Warheart had fetched the ball, and was quickly surrounded by his fellow beastmen and chaos warriors, setting up a strong defensive cage that moved cautiously upfield.

The steady march of the Chaos team was almost overshadowed by the mixed brawls on the field. At one point, the chain on Max Spleenripper's saw snapped, stunning him breifly. It's hard to keep a good maniac down for long, as he recovered enough to clobber Stumptail with the chainsaw's heavy gearbox. The clock was running down, and the Chaos team was approaching the end zone. Warheart, apparently bored with the steady coverage of the advancing cage, broke loose for a blitz, stunning one of the storm vermin. The opening was just enough for Krunch to throw a desperate block at Warheart. Both dropped and the ball rolled back towards Chaos Warrior Ozz Painkiller, who retrieved it handily. Painkiller slipped towards the sidelines, letting the spread of his team-makes tie up the skaven defenders. But once again, courage or desperation seized the skaven, this time in the form of Squeesplat, who, breaking free from Cardo Starbreaker at midfield, crashed into the mighty Painkiller, knocking the ball to Twinkletoes. With a few final punches, the whistle was blown on the first half, and a relieved cheer went up from the skaven fans as Max Spleenripper left the field.

It was the Chaos fans that would be cheering after the halftime however, as once again Max Spleenripper took to the field! Apparently the referee was more interested in his own well-being than a clean game. As usual, the coaching was flawless for the skaven, but the kick was not, nearly landing in the hands of Ozz Painkiller. Max was up to his usual mayhem on the front line, and it wasn't long before Jenner was clocked by the flat of the chainsaw, and had to be dragged off the pitch.

Painkiller picked up the ball, and once again, a defensive cage gathered around him. The Bilgerunners mounted another effort to breach the Chaos defenses, with Fivel Mausketrap even managing to knock Skin Shredder unconscious. But the Chaos team was ready for these moves, and inflicted greater casualties, with beastman Face Eater sending Krunch off for a nap, and Max sending a heavily bleeding Brutus to the infirmary. Nimble-fingered apothecaries were standing by however, stitching him up expertly for the next drive. With few of the rats left to challenge him, Ozz strode over the finish line to the raucous cheers of the Chaos fans, and Max was finally ejected from the stadium for good.

The chaos team had definitely knocked the wind out of the Bilgerunner sails, as the latter team took to the pitch looking exhausted. The Berserkers kicked the ball just behind the line of scrimmage, to be scooped up by Fivel, throwing the ball laterally to Twinkletoes. The catch was fumbled however, and the ball proceeded to bounce wildly in the scrum at mid-field. Neither skaven nor beastman could get a grip on the slippery skin. Finally, the ball bounced it's way back to Twinkletoes, who was off in a flash across the field to a hole in the line, his fellow gutter runners running interference. With the clock running down, the forces of Chaos expertly tied up any would-be rescuers at midfield, and penned in the advance. Making one last desperate attempt, Twinkletoes attempted to pass off the ball to Piddlepaw, but the ball was fumbled, and a final horn ended the game, knotted at one to one.

A well deserved MVP was awarded to Ozz Painkiller in recognition of his excellent plays and strong blocking, and one to Brutus for assisting his team-mates on the front line. An excellent showing for the BloodDrunk Berserkers in their first match of their young history, to be sure. The Bilgerunners, however, will have the pressure on for their next matches, needing more than ties to keep pace with the league's elite.

On now to the action from week three. Two of the three scheduled games took place, with the Fly-by Knights visiting the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, and the Darkmire Carnosaurs hosting the Pancake valley Shortstacks. The third match, seeing the Traumatic Takedown play the Asgard Raiders at Midgard Battlefield, was delayed on account of Valkyrie interference, and will be played as soon as the meddlesome battlemaidens stop trying to carry the players off the pitch.
The highest attendance so far this season was only the beginning for this match. before the game was even kicked off, the teams needed to be pulled apart as a riot nearly erupted in the pregame warm-ups. Two touchdowns, a handful of casualties and a pitch invasion later, the Knights emerged victorious with a 2-0 win. Points were scored by the explosive Victor Dashing, and later from a surprising effort from lineman Solomon Squatz, who was awarded the MVP award for the humans. Kiro Stormaxe, the latest greenskin phenom in the MMBBL, received the honour for the Spinebreakers. After the match, the orcs needed to fill a gap left by Kolark Bonefist who will be missing a game with an injury, thought all they managed to find was a goblin named Huck Skudfungus, who will likely play the role of projectile.
Game two resulted in an impressive 3-0 victory for the Darkmire Carnosaurs over the Pancake Valley Shortstacks. Skinks Reedrush, Puddlejumper and Mudrunner each scored for the lizardmen, And while the saurus players were uncharacteristically gentle, the halflings managed to sustain three serious injuries. As a result, Pimpley Backfat, Sloth Lovechunk and Cream Sugarfoot will each be missing the Shortstacks' next contest. Pip Pieface did manage to get out alive with the MVP award for his team, while Threehorns of the Carnosaurs earned the accolades for his squad.

And so you're up to date, sportsfiends, however slapdash it may be. What's important is that there's more action happening tonight! Week four is upon us and it's shaping up to be a real doozy!

Brutal Brawls Out of Bloodbath

This past Tuesday saw the Bloodbath division of the MMBBL kick off its Blood Bowl regular season, and brutality was the name of the game in both cases.

Game one saw the Bloodsand Blasters rise up to meet the green juggernaut of the Meathooks. Fielding four mummies and a handful of skeletons, the Blasters were nearly a match for the swelling ranks of the Meathooks in terms of strength. To tip the scales, Ramtut III was brought in to contain the mighty Gristly Slötturhaus, and for added carnage, the professionally deranged Hack Enslash was brought on board with his trusty, rusty chainsaw. The weather was gorgeous, and the prevailing wind came from the legions of Meathooks fans who greatly outnumbered those who came to see the Khemri squad. The undead won the coin toss and elected to receive first.

As the ball came down, it seemed as though both teams forgot it was even in play. As the match began, foul after unrepentant foul was committed by both sides, and only Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters and Lockjaw of the Meathooks were ejected from the game by the officials. Immediately afterwards, mummy Durdurhotep throttled the mighty Beef Bigaxe, knocking the blitzer out for the remainder of the game. Indeed, much of the game devolved from the usual fare of coordinated, planned-out plays into several isolated brawls all over the pitch. In the confusion, a pass attempt by skeleton Mister Urns went largely unnoticed when it failed to even leave his bony hand properly. Still, the carnage played on and with help from his teammates Dusty Tombs and Helter Skeleter, Urns managed to recover the ball and begin a slow, inexorable drive downfield. It seemed that perhaps line orc Chip Bonesaw might break free from mummy coverage to stop the shambling skeleton, but his escape was foiled when he tripped in a pile of wrappings that Battering Ramses had been trailing behind himself. The orc fell hard to the ground and had to be carted off field. Reports show that Bonesaw will be missing the team's next match due to his injuries. With nothing else to stop him, Mister Urns staggered into the end zone at last, and the stands erupted with the clatter of bone colliding with bone, in what we believe is an undead approximation of clapping. The half ended with the score 1-0 for the upstart Bloodsand Blasters.

After halftime, the Meathooks emerged from their locker room with a look of steady resolve as well as matching pairs of brass knuckles. They received the kickoff and set about closing the unlikely gap between themselves and victory, and planned to use the bones of their enemies to build their road to success. First, skeleton Sahket Toomi was dismembered while breaking free of coverage, leaving his arm on the pitch. As he broke down the field, he was set upon by Pickles the thrower, who had not only retrieved the lost limb, but was very forcefully giving it back to the skeleton until he had to be dragged off in a bag. Pickles was immediately thereafter scolded from on high for his actions, when a bolt of lightning struck him down, not injured, but a bit crispy. Following his quarterback's lead, T-Boner brought his sizable frame to bear against Helter Skeleter, clobbering the hapless boneman into submission along the sidelines. In his frenzy, however, T-Boner didn't notice Battering Ramses' approach and paid for it by being sent crashing into the stands.

Not much later, the surprisingly ineffective Hack Enslash, having discovered that his chainsaw didn't even have a chain on it, knelt down to repair the machine. He was immediately sat upon by the corpulent Beefquake and the goblin spatula squad came out to drag him away. Still further casualties came from the orcish onslaught, and Cal Ciferous found himself getting rattled by line orc Rip Steakface. Miraculously, each and every Blasters player who was mangled regenerated completely from his wounds, or at least dug up enough parts to replace what was broken. All the while, Ramtut III was keeping the Meathooks' troll well in check, and the two goblins, Hammish and Bacon Sandwich were left with only the running option to keep themselves both alive and in contention. Accompanied by Pickles and Steakface, the wily green guys hustled down the sidelines only to be accosted abruptly by the mummies West Nile Cyrus and Old Giza. Unable to complete their running route and with the ball in danger getting put out of reach, the green group shoved Hammish into harm's way, where he miraculously got ahold of the prize and lobbed it downfield into the end zone. With the game on the line and time nearly up, Only Ramrod Meatmissile had a chance to save the day. Blitzing through what remained of the skeleton defenders, Meatmissile used every ounce of strength to make it to the end zone - and then bobbled the ball when he got there. The game was over, and the only thing the line orc could do was cover his head and run off to the locker room as the crowd rained bricks, bottles and bones onto the pitch below.

The match MVP awards went to Old Giza of the Bloodsand Blasters and to Chip Bonesaw of the Meathooks. The low-scoring, violent affair was remarkable for the lack of permanent injuries, and the Blasters, though glad of the victory, seemed disheartened at the lack of bloodshed. Perhaps they'll get a chance in the future?

On now to our second match of the day, with Bloodbath division's other rookie squad, the Traumatic Takedown squaring off against the more skilled Brutakai Ragefangs. Sunny weather prevailed here as well, and the majority of the fans in the stands were here to see the mysterious chaos dwarf team and learn more about them (at least more than our goblin correspondent was able to glean).

The Ragefangs received first, and immediately made plans to get Xarnak Bloodrage into the end zone for the touchdown. Almost home free down the sideline, Bloodrage was blindsided by Charlie Horse, the Takedown's towering centaur. The orc was sent flying into the bleachers, while the centaur recovered the ball and made his way across the pitch and downfield. Unfortunately for himself, Horse got greedy and took a bad step, crashing to the earth in a heap. out of nowhere came the other Bloodrage brother, Raziek, who picked up the football, plowed through hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea and strode unchallenged into the end zone. One to nothing for the Ragefangs on a great effort by their favourite son!

Setting up for the next kickoff, the Ragefangs were caught off guard by a fan who evidently had no love for the Bloodrage brothers, hurling a boot at Raziek to get him off the pitch. Luckily for Raziek, line orc Kodish Manhammer stuck his head up to survey the pitch, and took the boot squarely on the temple. His unwitting sacrifice got a round of applause from the Ragefangs faithful and a lone "'at were meant fer tha skilly-un, ye soddy gobber!" from who we assume was the would-be cobbler-assassin. The half ended without further scoring, however.

As the second half started and the ball was kicked, it was retrieved by hobgoblin Perry Carditis, who made a quick shovel pass to fellow hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea. Setting out to stop the playmakers and perhaps emerge from the shadow of the other two blitzers on his team, Prok Fleshdrinker made an assault on Carditis, but somehow was thrown to the dirt himself, howling in pain. The medics went to work on him, but it appears he'll be missing his next match with an upper body injury. The ball did get knocked loose however, only to be recovered once more by Perry Carditis. Though young and inexperienced, Carditis may have the makings of a skilled thrower. he reinforced this possibility with another short lob to Pnoea, who scrambled his way to the end zone to tie the game at one.

The loss of the lead saw the "rage" in the Ragefangs rise to the top, beginning as Kozu Ironhide laid a hammer punch down on the until-now successful Carditis, who was dragged off for the rest of the match. Kragor Clawfang followed suit, pummeling Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon into the mud and out of contention. Still not satisfied and possibly as revenge for the shot at his brother, Xarnak Bloodrage battered line dwarf Spleenic Pain and the stretcher came out yet again. In a final retaliation, however, Rip Tendon hoisted line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath over the waist-high guardrail (dwarf height being what it is) and dumped him into an uproarious crowd of Traumatic Takedown fans, who knocked the orc out by chucking him through the roof of the Ragefangs' infirmary. With the game degenerating into a pro-wrestling tryout, the clock ran down and the match ended in a draw.

The match MVPs were Busitis Olecranon for the Traumatic Takedown, and Rigor Stonestomper, line orc of the Brutakai Ragefangs. Kragor Clawfang, who recently won the Silver Lining as the fan MVP choice, was also given a nod for his clutch ball-stripping skills which may have prevented a second score from the Takedown.

Now that everyone's tasted blood with our first two weeks under our belts, we can look forward to this Sunday when a trio of challenge matches will get underway! First, the Blackwater Bilgerunners have thrown down the gauntlet against the Traumatic Takedown. Second, the Smash and Go'nads demand satisfaction against the Meathooks! And finally, the Brutakai Ragefangs look to pen another chapter in the ageless conflict of Orc and Elf against the Blueriver Wardoves! We'll see you there, don't forget your team colours and favourite heavy object!