Go-Getters, Record Setters, and Bed-Wetters: The Autumn 2008 MMBBL Awards!

And now what you fans have all been waiting for - the MMBBL's award ceremony for the Autumn 2008 season! We've got the best and the brightest, the toughest, the roughest, and of course, the worst performances in the league!

Starting things off is the winner of the Silver Elbow, awarded to the player with the most completed passes in the league. This one's a no-brainer folks. With his closest contender, Fivel Mausketrap, a full seven completions behind, our winner here is Lance Freely of the Fly-by Knights with a staggering twenty completions this season. With an arm that never tires and more moves than an afternoon at chess club, there's nowhere to go but up for this young gun.

Next on the list come the big playmakers. The guys who, through force of will, brute strength and sweet moves, got the ball over that goal line the most times this season. To no one's surprise the winner is Tsih Killwillow of the Blueriver Wardoves with seven big scores. He was chased the whole way, though, by teammate Angruil Grimmrose, as well as Knights' receiver Stanley Steele and Go'nads' runner Dick Gozinia with six scores each. Killwillow, who also took home the Spike! Magazine cover deal, has shown nothing but the best in leadership-by-example for his high-flying team.

Next up, what some say is the hardest award to win...on purpose at least. And in that spirit, there was no single winner of the Brass Doorknob award for Undeniable Interference. There were only three interceptions all season in this league, likely due to a combination of highly accurate throwers and incredibly stubborn runners. The three picks that did get pulled down came from a diverse set of players. Firstly, Sue Xtopilopicoatl of the Chupacabras, who showed us how high a leapin' lizard can get. Next up was Victor Dashing of the Knights who did a little bit of everything, and did it very well, this season. Finally, from the "really had no business doing anything with a hand that doesn't involve punching" category, Orok Deathbane of the Spinebreakers, who by reasons we can only describe as the quantum probability of time and space skipping a beat, pulled in an errant pass of his own.

There were several players in the running for the Commissioner's Medal for Exemplary Brutality this season...until Cludge Slamboni got it in gear and ran away with it. With a whopping six serious injuries to his name, the Smash and Go'nads' deathroller pilot left his mark on the league this year, a greasy, pulpy smear that no other player could hope to live up to. Worth mentioning, however, in the category of actual confirmed kills, are three players who left their marks on the rosters of their opponents. Barkley Hobbittosser made not only a name for himself, but likely a species, genus, and possibly a phylum as well when he obliterated an unknown Norse journeyman in a game against the Asgard Raiders. A few games later, Fly-by Knights ogre Barglesnart Livingstone abruptly and colorfully brought an end to chaos dwarf Rip Tendon after hurling the Traumatic Takedown player into a vat of known unknowns, possibly the most philosophical death in league history to involve turning purple and catching fire. Finally, Reptar the Reprehensible of the Sun Temple Chupacabras gorefully terminated Tanthil Twigbreaker of the Blueriver Wardoves in playoff action, leaving barely enough to pass off as a jar of pasta sauce, let alone enough for a proper burial.

The player to be awarded the most MVP accolades over the course of the season was the impressive Fhorin Bloodmeadow, with three such awards to his name. Despite a late-season injury which will no doubt affect his quick mobility, he remains a fantastic all-round athlete and a credit to the Wardoves squad. Many other players earned a pair of MVP nods, but close doesn't count in the MMBBL.

Finally, our award for overall points gain and season MVP award goes to...Victor Dashing of the Fly-by Knights! Dashing made his mark in every aspect of the game this season, earning two MVP awards, a trio of casualties, three touchdowns, a completion, and even an interception. He's been seen lately chilling with Spike! player of the year award winner Tish Killwillow at some of the biggest events in Blueriver and Valor Keepe, and it's rumoured that the two are planning to open a lucrative nightclub in the off season.

Rounding out the top ten of overall points were Tsih Killwillow with 27, Dick Gozinia and Kiro Stormaxe with 24, Stanley "Stainless" Steele with 23, Reedrush and Twinkletoes with 21, Lance Freely with 20, and Egor Longrow and Dingleberry with 19 each.

Finally, the saddest sack, the lamest duck, the Big Fat Zero award goes to...the Buccinator of the Traumatic Takedown! This surly underachieving line dwarf did nothing impressive except possibly be the most unimpressive player all season! Even his teammate Rip Tendon had the good sense to get himself killed. We'll expect more from the Buccinator when we see him next. Why? because frankly, it's impossibly to set the bar any lower than ground level!

That's the lot of them, sportsfiends! Here's wishing you and yours a happy holiday season, and be sure to check back in the off-season for updates regarding new teams, new coaches, rules, events, and above all, MMBBL mayhem!

Marathon Match: The Beard and the Beautiful

What a match! What a match, folks.

In the Deathdealer division finals this past week, with the Blueriver Wardoves visiting the Smash and Go'nads in a packed house at Fjord Stadium, MMBBL history was made as the longest match to date took double overtime to resolve. While we at the press office do our very best to convey the essence of the sport to you, we can truly say this time that for the full effect, you had to be there.

With regular favourite Prince Moranian taking the field with his elven comrades, and rookie line elf Kebler Fernblade making his debut, the Wardoves won the opening coin toss and chose to receive first. A high kick was fielded by Tsih Killwillow, and the offensive charge was spearheaded by Moranian, though the dwarves did well in holding the line. As Killwillow moved into the safety of a wide cage of offensive protection, Angruil Grimmrose coursed down the sideline on his familiar route. The dwarves began to show their might however, as Holden McGroin knocked out blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow and Gil T. Azell laid out Pynian Grassripper. With his protection collapsing, Killwillow left the pocket and dashed forward, leaving the Go'nads defenders in the dust before tossing the ball to Grimmrose, who was into the end zone for the first point before you could say "two-in-one shampoo and conditioner".

The following kick by the Wardoves was bad, and sailed out of bounds. Dick Gozinia started the play with ball in hand and began his march upfield. Leading the charge, of course, was the immense influence of Cludge Slamboni and his custom deathroller, the latter rolling right over the hapless Kebler Fernblade, putting the elf out of contention and likely eliminating his chances of competing through the rest of the playoffs. Intent on retaliating, elf blitzer Albiir Featherdeath charged headlong at dwarf runner Adam Meway, but would up knocking himself out when he was caught in the chin by Meway's helmet as the shorter player turned to face his assailant. Meanwhile, Dick Gozinia continued his steady pace up the middle of the pitch. Angruil Grimmrose made his bid to show his skill both defensively and offensively, leaping at Gozinia with the hope of knocking the ball free - but Dick stiff-armed the receiver into an early nap and kept wading through the pile-up towards his goal. nothing the elves could throw at him seemed to stick, and what's worse, Cludge Slamboni had turned his attentions to the talented Prince Moranian! With a sickening crunch, Moranian was trampled into the dirt, and was later dragged off-field and airlifted by wyvern to the Star Players' Special Hospital and Spa. With the way paved neatly as Herb Eaverstinks abruptly knocked out Tsih Killwillow, Dick Gozinia trundled his way into the end zone to tie the match at one apiece.

Little time remained int he opening frame, but the elves did manage to gain control of the ball, and the newly re-awakened Albiir Featherdeath managed a pass to Angruil Grimmrose before time expired. With an enthusiastic crowd and great efforts by both sides, the Deathdealer Division championship was looking like a great game already.

With the second half, many boos rained down from the elf sections of the audience, as the highly illegal Cludge Slamboni returned to the pitch. Later reports suggest that when the head referee noticed that every wagon close to his own int he parking lot outside was crushed to splinters, he decided that the deathroller was, in fact, a highly advanced form of protective codpiece. With the ruling, Slamboni wheeled his codpiece into place on the field and the second half was underway.

On the kickoff, the Wardoves were quick to jump out across half and make their move to get the ball before the dwarves knew what was going on. The dwarves were keen on this drive however, and Adam Meway had the ball securely under his arm by the time the elves were anywhere near him. From there, the Go'nads continued their punishing physical style of play, with Moe Lester and Achilles Punks knocking out Fhorin Bloodmeadow (again) and Ellbin Ivythorn, respectively. The tenacious dwarf guards seemed to have no trouble keeping the elf defense at bay, and when Albiir Featherdeath finally cracked the protection and made a hit on Adam Meway, the dwarf runner quickly dumped the ball behind himself into the waiting arms of the ever-alert Dick Gozinia. Unfortunately for him, Valandil Dreadlily was in the perfect position to drag Gozinia to the ground and knock the ball loose. Gozinia showed incredible resolve in getting back on his feet, blitzing through Dreadlily to the ball, and finally handing it off to blitzer Stu Padasso, who charged the rest of the way into the end zone, giving the Smash and Go'nads their first lead of the night.

With time of the essence, the Blueriver Wardoves now were in need of a point to keep their hopes alive. They got the help the needed in one form or another as, while Cludge Slamboni refreshed himself on the sideline, a handful of rowdy, presumably slightly-tipsy elves crashed through the South bleachers riding atop the deathroller! While most of the dwarves escaped their wrath, the Wardove Winos managed to knock a handful of them into a stupor, a situation which the elf team decided to take full advantage of. Storming over midfield, the elves quickly broke past dwarf coverage as Valandil Dreadlily got his hands on the football. Dreadlily then handed off to Dellin Finchtalon, who hurled the ball right to Tsih Killwillow, running in the clear down the sideline, catching the ball over his shoulder without stopping. Uncatchable at the best of times, Killwillow was unopposed in his run to the end zone, and with very little time left on the clock, it looked as though overtime were looming.

Again, the elves were moving quickly over the midfield line as soon as the ball was snapped. Luckily for the Go'nads, Adam Meway recovered the ball before a Wardove could lay a hand on it, and managed to hold on until time expired. To the delight of several thousand fans, this epic struggle would continue a while longer.

The Wardoves won the coin toss and began their drive in typical fashion, catching the defense off guard and immediately setting about their own style of play regardless of the opposition's tactics. Unfortunately for the elves, backup quarterback Valandil Dreadlily had some difficulty reigning in the ball from where it landed, possibly due to nerves. Eventually he got ahold of it though, and retreated with protection into the backfield while he waited for his receivers to get into the open. The receivers would prove to have a very difficult time of that, being literally up to their armpits in bearded defenders. It is, of course, nearly impossible to keep an elf caged for very long, and both Tish Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose managed to squeeze out of coverage and burst downfield. The stalwart dwarves caught up though, and Tish was knocked face-first into the pitch, leaving only Grimmrose in relative clear.

Things were going well for the elves until another bout of bad luck and brutal impact struck. dodging out of coverage to make a play, blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow took a very ugly spill, and was carted off the field with a brace around his neck. It was later learned that Bloodmeadow had actually fractured several vertebrae, and was lucky not to be paralyzed. The unfortunate meaning for the Wardoves is that their star blitzer's season is effectively over. To make matters worse, Drew Peacock finally caught up with and leveled Angruil Grimmrose, leaving the elves with very little in the way of offensive options. Desperate for a play, Dreadlily threw the ball up for Albiir Featherdeath, but the catch wasn't made, and time expired on the first overtime period with the teams still deadlocked at 2.

Depleted in number, the elves were forced to kick off to the dwarves and do their best to stop the beardy tide. Elite runner Dick Gozinia was quick to recover the ball, cutting back inside to the middle of the field and lining up behind a veritable wall of dwarves. The Wardoves managed to briefly level the playing field when Valandil Dreadlily knocked out Stu Padasso, but the Go'nads paid the elves back with interest when Phil DeGrave put Albiir Featherdeath out of the match for good. With Dick Gozinia passing midfield, the elves needed a stop, and a stop they did get. Pynian Grassripper proved the hero of the day as he knocked Gozinia down and swatted the ball free, then picked it up and hurled it with hope to Tsih Killwillow, downfield in coverage. The catch was good, and Tsih broke free, only to be pursued by Adam Meway and nearly caught once more. Tsih had all the right moves, though, and after breaking from coverage again, crossed the goal line to give the Wardoves the lead once more. A quick look to the clock confirmed the elf team's hopes - there was simply no way the dwarves could answer in time.

The final plays of the game were not much more than a formality, and at the end of it all, with a surly home crowd skulking away, the Blueriver Wardoves and their fans rejoiced in this incredible victory, and punched their tickets to the finals, back home at the Battlefield of Good Sport!

MVP awards for the match went to he Smash and Go'nads' Holden McGroin, and to the Wardoves' Bendyrm Cloudrender. Also of note were catcher Angruil Grimmrose's striking display of toughness, and Dick Gozinia's equally startling maneuverability.

The finals! Wardoves! Spinebreakers! Orcs and elves! Nothing else needs to be said - all that remains is to do.

Dwarves Cage Rats in Quarterfinal Action

After a few hiccups, we're back, with news out of the MMBBL's 2008 Spike! Tournament playoffs. Our first such match takes place at magnificent Fjord Stadium, where the Deathdealer Division-leading Smash and Go'nads played host to the Blackwater Bilgerunners to determine who would advance to the semifinals.

Receiving first, the dwarves surprised many by fielding their highly dangerous, considerably illegal deathroller on the opening drive. The Skaven had a surprise or two of their own, however, and started their defense off with a blitz, hoping to get their claws on the ball before the slower dwarf team could organize. Their priorities began to shift from scoring to survival though, when Cludge Slamboni drove his deathroller right over top of the rat ogre O'Rattigan, who was injured but cared for well by the Skaven apothecaries.

The Skaven renewed their assault as they took a run at Dick Gozinia, the ball carrier. Dick's presence of mind served him well, and he managed to dump the ball off to blitzer Stu Padasso. Meanwhile, the Skaven began to lose the numbers game as the fantastically deranged troll slayer Gil T. Azell began knocking Bilgerunners out left and right. Still, the remaining rat-men got their acts together and knocked the ball loose from Padasso, and it fell at the feet of Gimpy the linerat, who launched a beautiful pass downfield to Twinkletoes. The gutter runner must not have seen it coming, though, and the ball was dropped and back up for grabs.

The knockout parade continued, first when Jenner turned the lights out on line dwarf Drew Peacock, and then as Gil T. Azell and Adam Meway relieved linerats Twistknee and Squeesplat of their senses, respectively. the Go'nads seemed intent on getting that ball back to Stu Padasso, and eventually, Adam Meway managed a handoff to him in sight of the goal line. Padasso huffed, puffed, and brought the house down, delighting the roaring dwarf crowd with the first score of the match.

After such a struggle, there wasn't nearly enough time for the Skaven to score before halftime. Fivel Mausketrap did manage to toss a completion, but no points came of the effort. At halftime, the Smash and Go'nads held a 1-0 lead.

The iron resolve of the dwarves was evident as they took the field again - doubtlessly their coaching staff drilled it into their thick skulls that leading by one point is not good enough. On the other side of the field, it's likely that simple subtraction prevailed in the locker room, with the Skaven aware that they were sitting at something like minus-1. On the kickoff, Fivel Mausketrap fielded the ball once more, and found Dingleberry with a spiraling beauty of a pass. The dwarves were playing an active defense, and a surprisingly mobile one at that. Runners Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway were on the field, with the former giving his all to block Dingleberry's path to the end zone. Dingleberry managed to slip past the dwarf runner, only to be hit by his counterpart Adam Meway and launched into the bleachers. Meway picked the ball up and the active defense became offense once more.

Charging downfield alongside his teammate, Dick Gozinia called for the ball just as Adam Meway needed to get rid of it. Gozinia caught the quick pass, put his head down, and made his way into the end zone as time ran out on the Blackwater Bilgerunners. Undefeated in the regular season, and so far in the playoffs as well, the Smash and Go'nads are the first team to advance to the semifinals!

MVPs of the match were the Smash and Go'nads' Adam Meway, and the Blackwater Bilgerunners' Twinkletoes. Of note as well for the dwarves was the play of Stu Padasso, who made a habit of getting his hands on the ball, no matter who seemed to have it at the time.

Next up, the Bloodbath Division-leading Fly-by Knights take on the surprising Pancake Valley Shortstacks! And let me tell you, folks, it's a wild one!

Challenge Match Makes for Grappling in the Gravel

Greetings, sportsfiends! We've got more MMBBL action for you right now, with a special report out of Fjord Stadium from skaven correspondent Bryag Mudrake.



It’s challenge match day at Fjord Stadium, where the Smash and Gonads have invited the Blackwater Bilgerunners for another pulse-pounding match! The field of combat was as firm and unyielding as always, as the two teams faced off to the joy of 27,000 screaming fans. Sponsored by Bloodweiser, the extravagant beer tent must have drawn away some of the dwarves, giving a slight edge in the stands to the skaven crew.

The sun was dazzling in the cloudless sky as the Go'nads put the boot to the ball, giving Fivel Mausketrap time to get underneath it and make the catch. Beatings began on the front line as the Bilgerunners proceeded to punch a hole in the dwarven defenses. Fivel, used to the dim light of the sewers, must have caught an eye full of sunlight as he tossed the ball, missing Dingleberry and giving the dwarves a chance to get some safeties around the ball. Running-red-faced for the bobbled catch, Fivel scooped up the ball to the jeering of fans and handed it off to Dingleberry, who was off for the end-zone in a flash, with the other two gutter runners flanking.

Trying to tie up the defenders at midfield, Stumptail came down hard on Moe Lester, who was dragged off the field, and sat out the rest of the game with a very large keg of complementary Bloodweiser Red for company. Adam Meway and Dick Gozinia did their level best to strip away the defending gutter runners, but a good leap by Dingleberry put the score at 1-0 for the Bilgerunners.

Either thrilled by the touchdown or driven into a frenzy from the blood and free booze, the Skaven poured into the quarry, followed quickly by the dwarves. The brutal brawl left most of the dwarven team stunned, including both Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, and almost all the skaven team standing. As the dwarven team chased the rowdy fans off the pitch, the skaven defenders were quickly sprinting downfield, to try and recover the ball before the dwarven runners could get on their feet. Meway, staggering to his feet, beat them to the ball. As a squad of blockers dragged O’Rattigan down at midfield, Meway lobbed off a pass to Dick Gozinia just as he was taken down by the Blackwater linerats.

Running for the safety of the midfield line, Gozinia caught a glimpse of an enraged O’Rattigan rearing up and staggering towards him, swinging madly. The tidal wave of rage crashed onto the immobile shores of dwarven defense however, allowing Gozinia time to get into strong coverage. With time running out, Stumptail tried to rush the runner, but was tackled by Achilles Punks, allowing Dick Gozinia to put a knot in the game in the last seconds of the first half.

As the second half begun, the chug and whistle of dwarven machinery heralded the arrival of Cludge Slamboni and his deathroller of doom. It also resulted in the completely predictable riot at the Bilgerunner coaching staff, team, and fans screamed for the infernal engines removal. The clock continued to tick down as the teams shouted, finally settling with a kick to the Go’nads well into the second half. The Mid-field massacre was predictable, with stunned rats lying in the wake of the massive machine. Less predictable was Twistknee smashing Herb Eaverstinks leaving him lying unsettlingly still on the field. He was quickly dragged back to the infirmary where, after much work, he was pronounced as being alive, but in critical need of large amounts of alcohol. He will be spending the next game recovering from his injuries, and possible hangovers.

To make matters worse, the skaven at midfield managed to get a good shot at Dick Gozinia as he reached the halfway point, but this time, the panicked toss missed its mark, and the ball fell free, just behind the dwarven line. The skaven made a strong attempt to recover, with Fivel running downfield to attempt to receive, and Krunch making a play for the ball. Krunch fumbled the pickup through, allowing the dwarves to smash their way back into possession, as Adam Meway grabbed the ball, and was surrounded by his angry teammates. Krunch was unceremoniously shoved into the beer tent at mid-field by Stu Padasso, where the angry fans promptly beat him severely. He will be missing the next game.

The skaven had managed to tie the dwarves up at midfield as the clock ran down, and it was now obvious to the Go’nads that there was no time to manage a winning touchdown. This certainly didn’t stop them from trying to smash their way through, however, as Achilles Punks wounded Squeesplat severely, Holden McGroin bludgeoned Notchear, and Gil T. Azell smashed Brutus for another significant injury. With time running out, Jenner tried one last chance to get the ball away from the dwarven defenses, but was tackled by Achilles in the final moments, ending the game.

Match MVPs went to Storm vermin Brutus, and Dwarf Blocker Achilles Punks, apparently for the participation in the “Injury of the week” highlight play of the game.



Thanks for that report, Bryag! Check back again soon, fans, for more MMBBL action!

High Adrenaline and Low Scores

Week 4 MMBBL action continues with the report from Deathbed Arena, where the Smash and Go'nads were visiting the BloodDrunk Berserkers for some intense Deathdealer action! The Berserkers, being an expansion squad, had a decent turnout, but were slightly overshadowed by the presence of Go'nads fans, who've seen a remarkable surge of support since their trip to the Blood Bowl finals last season.

Outnumbered though they may have been, the chaos fans showed their enthusiasm early, as what appeared to be an entire sacrificial goat was hurled from the crowd to land squarely on top of dwarf defender Achilles Punks, who was slower than usual to get up. The ball came into the hands of Face Eater, Berserkers beastman, who was immediately off and running for the other end of the field. Quick to lend a "block" was Max Spleenripper, hired on to do as much damage as possible before the officials removed him from the pitch. Unfortunately for Spleenripper, after laying a slash through Achilles Punks' armour, he was toppled by an enraged Herb Eaverstinks and was too grievously wounded to continue.

The dwarves were beginning to win the blocking game, but already the theme of the drive had shifted, as the much faster beastmen scrambled to take out anyone in Face Eater's way. A trio of them ganged up on Drew Peacock to punch a hole in the wide defense, and Face Eater charged through untouched. With no hope of catching him, the Go'nads' defense continued to grapple with the Berserkers' offensive line until at last, Face Eater ran the football in for the touchdown.

On the ensuing kickoff, the dwarves started to get dirty, with blitzer Moe Lester emphatically kicking a downed beastman in the kidneys. Unfortunately for the Go'nads, Lester was anything but subtle, and the surly fellow was ejected from the match, reportedly leaving the stadium altogether to take in the local pub scene. Meanwhile the more talented of the dwarf players, the dynamic running duo of Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, were enjoying more conventional successes, making their way steadily downfield. Time was not on their side, though, and the clock ran down before their play could develop into a point on the board. At halftime, the score was 1-0 for the BloodDrunk Berserkers.

After the break, with the Smash and Go'nads receiving, another case of projectile enthusiasm erupted from the stands. In retaliation for the sacrificial goat which landed on Achilles Punks, it seemed that Moe Lester had returned in disguise, and managed to sneak a cow into the upper deck where dozens of dwarf fans were watching. Their combined efforts heaved the bewildered bovine over the guardrail and onto the pitch below, Where it impacted on beastman Gutripper. With the distraction in effect, Adam Meway retrieved the ball and began to gallop downfield. He was pursued and eventually tackled by Warheart, but not before he had a chance to lob the ball to his partner in crime, Dick Gozinia. The bait and switch was played perfectly, and Gozinia tied the game on his trip to the end zone.

The score now tied, the Berserkers still had the advantage and could play the clock - as long as their line held up. Enter Cludge Slamboni and his deathroller to bolster the dwarven defense. As the next drive began, Face eater experienced some difficulty getting the ball into his mitts. Eventually, he reined it in and fired a long, high pass to Killrock the Hated. The dwarves were all over it, though, and the ball was back in beardy hands before long, shifting the advantage once more.

with the shift of fortunes came a shift in tactics as well, as the Smash and Go'nads put a little extra "smash" on their game. While Herb Eaverstinks and Achilles Punks put a waist-high hurting on an assortment of beastmen, Cludge Slamboni turned the Berserkers line into a bloody pavement, marking two significant casualties and any number of stubbed toes. Unfortunately for the dwarves, the clock ran down amid their gleeful pummeling, and the match ended in a 1-1 draw.

Match MVPs were earned by Wrathmore of the BloodDrunk Berserkers, and hard-hitting Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads. Also notable was Achilles Punks' uncanny ability to maneuver himself into all kinds of positive coverage, and Dick Gozinia's ferocious forward blocking, as when he made a cover-worthy stiff-arm on his way to the end zone.

Next on the docket, the Blueriver Wardoves and the Blackwater Bilgerunners, the two most nimble and acrobatic squads in the league, square off in a battle of olfactory extremes!

Grand Slam: Dirt Bursters go Four-for-Four in MMBBL Tournaments

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters met the Smash and Go'nads this Tuesday, in the culmination of the Summer season and the entire MMBBL year - The Blood Bowl. The struggle was mighty, the competition fierce. The two most deserving squads in the MMBBL met to decide its reigning champion. Undead clashed with dwarf, and in the end, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters maintained their legacy as the league's premier team.

Winning the coin toss, the Dirt Bursters opted to receive first. Fans from both sides roared with challenge, the sun gazed down approvingly, and the game was underway. The loudness of the undead fans overtook the rowdiness of the dwarves as the kick landed, and the explosive Chompsalot recovered the ball as the undead line tore into the dwarven defenders. Regrouping, the dwarves refused to give so much as an inch without the greatest of efforts. Answering the challenge, the Dirt Bursters offensive line left no avenues for the Go'nads to penetrate and harass Chompsalot. It seemed there might be a full stop to the undead run as Stumps O'Boggy was knocked out by Holden McGroin...but then through the narrowest of gaps burst Chompsalot, with wights and zombies sealing the breach behind him. Chompsalot was off like a shot, and by the end of the first quarter it was 1-0 Dirt Bursters.

Looking to retaliate with a score of their own, the Smash and Go'nads lined up and set for the attack. Unfortunately for them, they couldn't pick up the surprise blitz from the undead in time, and paying the price early on was troll slayer Euin Whatarmy. Suffering near-fatal chest decompression at the gangrenous hands of Chunk Norton, Whatarmy managed to escape death with the less-serious (but still crippling) disfigurement of his ribcage. Meanwhile, Chompsalot made a surge through the dwarf offensive line, attempting to leap over the nearest Go'nad to chase down the ball. He picked the wrong dwarf to vault over, though. No one is entirely sure what Gil T. Azell uses to maintain his massive mohawk's shape, but it was enough to knock the wind out of Chompsalot as he slammed gut-first into the impressive hairdo. Still, the ghouls kept charging forward, and Ned Gummers laid a blitz into Dick Gozinia after the dwarf runner picked up the ball. unphased by the attack, Gozinia deftly shoveled a pass to fellow runner Adam Meway, who began to tear up the middle into protective cover. Again, a ghoul came by to cause havoc, and this time Bahnaynay laid a hit into Meway, only to see the wily dwarf return the favour from Dick Gozinia, tossing the ball back to safety.

Time was running short for the dwarves, but likewise for some of the undead as well. Hats off to Tinny, the plucky thrall-turned-zombie, for going toe-to-toe with Cludge Slamboni's custom deathroller and coming out of the ordeal no more or less dead than he started. Still, Slamboni's crowd-clearing presence opened a gap, and Dick Gozinia had a brief chance to unload a pass and perhaps tie the game. The toss was perfect, but out of the melee rose Bahnaynay, who hauled the throw in with one hand, denying the dwarves with his timely interception. Bahnaynay maintained possession until the whistle sounded, and the score at halftime remained one to nothing, the Dirt Bursters clinging to their precarious lead.

The second half kickoff showed more incredible defensive play from the Dirt Bursters, as they were able to reorganize themselves to counter the Go'nads' attack plan from the get-go. Dick Gozinia retrieved the football, but Ned Gummers was already on top of him once again. Alertness being Gozinia's stock in trade, he expertly dumped off a pass the Adam Meway who maneuvered upfield. These two dwarves certainly knew how to maintain possession. Finally, Chompsalot found a stop to the dwarf passing when he blitzed Adam Meway, whose lateral to Gozinia was off-target. Meway fought his way back to it, though, and recovered the ball again for the dwarves.

Now looking to hurl the ball upfield, Meway was foiled yet again, and the moans of the dwarven fans said it best. From the sidelines came Bubtunk Bagrot, the new ghoul in town, who pulled down the pass and with it, the Smash and Go'nads' hopes. Just as all seemed lost, however, Bagrot took a spill trying to get away from coverage, and the ball was fumbled loose! Yet again, Adam Meway pounced on the loose ball and the dwarf forces regrouped. Another hit came on Meway, but his pass to Dick Gozinia was true this time. The dwarves stubbornly pushed up the field, inch by inch. The undead needed a big stop to put this game away.

The stops began to materialize and the Dirt Bursters rallied as a surge spearheaded by Lez White took shape. White crashed headlong into Adam Meway, nearly taking the dwarf's head clean off with the force of the blow. After several moments of great concern, Meway finally awoke, spitting up blood and and his breakfast beer. Though unable to continue playing, all were relieved that he would live to play another day.

Seeking an exit from the crush of bodies, Dick Gozinia blitzed his way out of a tight spot, only to catch his foot on a rock and crash into the turf, losing his hold on the ball. Lez White moved in to gather up the prize, but couldn't get a good handle on it. Still too many dwarves were on the field to reliably escape from coverage, but the Dirt Bursters' twin towers of terror would change that in short order. First, Khermit picked up Achilles Punks by the beard and hurled him into a sideline post where the line dwarf slumped, unmoving except for the occasional groan. Then Magut echoed his teammate's sentiments, bringing his knee up on blitzer Moe Lester and leaving the dwarf in a puddle of his own blood and sweat.

Still, the dwarves fought on, giving no easy path to the football, and Ned Gummers was unable to pick it up. A loud horn sounded, and a burst of steam signaled the arrival of Cludge Slamboni's deathroller, who neatly plowed No Guts Bob into a heap, again dislodging the ball from where it lay. It disappeared into the sea of bodies, and then emerged again, held aloft by none other than Chunk Norton. Norton attempted a pass downfield, but fumbled when he arm unhinged on the pump fake. His job was done, though, as time continued to wind down. In a final burst of maliciousness, Khermit drove Drew Peacock three feet into the softened pitch with a great overhand smash, nearly collapsing the dwarf's entire spinal column. Fortunately a splint was applied as they hauled him off the field, and Peacock would live to play another day.

With that, time expired, and the last whistle blew. As close a battle as any yet witnessed in the MMBBL's brief history was over, and the Dirt Bursters had carried the day, with a final score of 1-0. Favoured from the beginning, the undead delivered to their fans. Underdogs from the start, the stalwart Smash and Go'nads have nothing to be ashamed of. Both teams left it all out on the field, mingled with a great deal of teeth, blood, and scraps of uniform.

In addition to the great prestige of playing in the Blood Bowl Championship, an honour shared by all who participated, Game MVP awards were presented to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters, presumably for recognition of his play for BOTH squads this season, and to Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, who showed remarkable motivation and speed for someone carrying around fourty pounds of beard.

And there you have it, sportsfiends. A fourth championship for the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and perhaps their toughest win yet. To the relief of many other teams, the Dirt Bursters announced after their victory that they would be departing for other tournaments across the globe, spreading the MMBBL's name as ambassadors of our sport. Joining them on this tour will be the highly-regarded Meathooks, led by their veteran captain Beef Bigaxe and golden goblin Hammish.

Thanks for tuning in, folks! The MMBBL Commissioner's Office thanks its coach wrangler, its owners, its coaches and officials, its players living, dead and at points in between, and of course its legions of fans. And be watchful, for another great season is on the horizon as we speak...

Go'nads Go Further after Riotous Match

Group 1 semifinal action coming at you, but don't read it all in one bite, this one's hot! The Smash and Go'nads, coming off their victory against the Bloodsand Blasters, would do battle against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, who racked up an impressive score against the Brutakai Ragefangs on their way here. Only one of these two teams would get a card for the big dance, so let's see who had the best moves!

Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.

Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.

The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.

Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.

Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.

The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?

It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.

With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.

So, the dwarves triumph, and their playoff run shows a remarkable turnaround from their mediocre play in the regular season. The Bilgerunners, for their part, will be back again soon, hungry as ever. One more semifinal to go, folks, and it's off to the Blood Bowl Championship Game!

The Spike! Championship Game: Guts, Gold, and Glory

Last night, in front of some 60,000 roaring fans, the best two teams in the MMBBL clashed in the biggest night of their lives. Both played hard, both fought mercilessly, but in the end there can only be one victor. It took them a come-from-behind drive late in the second half and then overtime to seal the deal, but the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters came away with the 3-2 victory over Gildengrip's Goldminers. This, ladies and gentlemen, was one for the ages.

The first half started with a strong push from the Goldminers - in the form of the daunting Cave-Gaper deathroller. It made good use of its one trip onto the pitch, mulching zombie lineman Stumps O'Boggy, who luckily regenerated most of his mown-off parts. In response, the ever-impressive Magut made Irgon McIrons scream for mummy and put him out for the match. The score was tied after the first half, with Ned Gummers running an exceptional ground pattern for the undead and Quincy McQuicksilver of the dwarf squad cruising through the defense like a hot dwarf through butter.

The second half brought everything to a fever pitch, and saw the Dirt Bursters lay the hurt on the Goldminers. Early on, Orem Fullstock used his unconventional jump-training to motor down the field. As luck would have it, the Dirt Bursters' hired wizard was not drunk, merely disorderly, and dropped a little lightning on the charging dwarf. Fullstock survived the incident, however, and treated the fans in the end zone to the pungent odour of flash-baked dwarf sweat, to take the lead with a quarter to go. Things got messy after that, as things tend to when the undead are involved, as Ol' Teabagger the ghoul smacked Gilgarry Goldrush into the infirmary, and resident zombie hero Chunk Norton actually roundhouse kicked line dwarf Shamus smith to death. The foul went unnoticed, likely for fear that he would turn his deadly foot on the ref himself. As a result, Smith was buried in the dugout, but shortly thereafter rose and shambled across to the undead bench during a commercial break. The Dirt Bursters then charged down the pitch and Ol' Teabagger brought the game to a deadlock with mere seconds remaining. The game proceeded to overtime, and while the Dirt Busters maintained a numbers advantage, the Goldminers had the upper hand in training.

The Goldminers won the toss and gained posession early on a bad kick, but the Dirt Bursters jumped into the fray and came out of the pile with possession. it was only a matter of time before Ol' Teabagger tore down the field, and put the game away to the collective moans of the crowd - Goldminers fans in anguish, Dirt Bursters fans in what passes for enthusiasm among the undead.

The match MVPs for the Spike! Championship game were Finnick Ferrus of the Goldminers, and the impressively destructive Chunk Norris. Other standouts included Magut, the only mummy with the presence of mind to guard his cohorts, and Ol'Teabagger himself, who seems to get faster every day.

The Spike! Tournament MVP award is presented to the most outstanding star in the league, regardless of their team's success in the playoffs. This year, the honour was shared, and by two members of the same team. Gilgarry Goldrush and Quincy McQuicksilver, the elite running backs for Gildengrip's Goldminers, both showed that some dwarves can really run, and pass, when need be. Each had five touchdowns this season.

The Dirt Bursters will be back to defend the league championship for the Winter season, while the Goldminers are returning home for a long season of drinking and mining. Chances are they'll return in nicer weather, shinier than ever!

For all of us here at the MMBBL, I'm Commissioner Matt Stroud. They may be dead, but no one is living it up quite like the Dirt Bursters today. Goodnight, and we'll see you soon when the Winter season kicks off! New teams, new players, and new reasons to call in the paramedics!

Playoffs Round 2: Goldminers Strike Despite Offensive Cave-In

Gildengrip's Goldminers have advanced to the MMBBL Finals, defeating the Low Blows 3-0 in a dangerous tilt. The Goldminers will now play The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters in the championship match, while the Low Blows return to their mountain defeated, but not downhearted.

The offensive power of the Goldminers was never truly in question, but they were handed several setbacks by a Low Blows squad with nothing to lose and plenty of attitude. While the score itself favoured the Miners, the injury talley went 4 to 1 in favour of the Low Blows. It's hard to pick which casualty had the greatest significance - Troll Slayer Edgar Bagpunch actually punched Mick Mithril of the Gold Miners to death...in the bag. He was revived by the Gold Miners' skilled medic team, only to be stomped yet again in the second half. Cedric Eyegouge managed to raise some eyebrows and probably is responsible for the loss of countless kneecaps in the booking department, as he defied the odds and managed to push over the Cave-Gaper, the Goldminer's Deathroller. I've seen many broken-down 'rollers in my day, but never one that was actually busted up by the opposing team like that. Luckily for the Goldminers, the investment isn't ruined as their mechanics have got the situation under control.

The matter of actual scoring came as no surprise to longtime Goldminers fans. Gilgarry Goldrush scored the first touchdown of the game and Quincy McQuicksilver ran in the other two scores late in the second half. This duo of dynamic running backs has become the talk of the league through these playoffs, and they're definitely the players to watch for the Goldminers when they show up for the finals round.

MVPs for the match were Pinky Earpull of the Low Blows, with a solid protective presence on the line of scrimmage, and Starley O'Steel for the Goldminers, who continued is dominance out in front. Finnick Ferris had a great game as well for the miners, and has become a part of their plan for a perfect defense, while Orem Fullstock's agility training has made him stand out as a Blitzer with an amazing vertical leap.

With the end of this match, the Low Blows have announced that they will assume a casual role in future seasons, offering perhaps a surprise challenge to another coach every so often. Still, they'll remain as a part of the MMBBL's historic inaugural season, and the word out of Devil's Ass (their hometown mine community) is that every year to commemorate it, they're going to knock over, shove around, and otherwise mishandle several machine-tractors in honour of the Dwarf who knocked over a Deathroller.

The Finals are almost here! Get ready to crown the frst ever MMBBL champions!

Week 5 - The Last Hurrah

Three games to report on from this past week, the final week before playoffs commence in the MMBBL! (Accounts have been abbreviated due to being busy and eventually forgetting some things, sorry.)

The first match saw the Greenskin Bumlookers positively routed by Gildengrip's Goldminers. The final score was 4-0, and right from the get-go it looked like fate was stacked against the Orcs. Pro Blitzer Red Marx was tossed out on the first play for a flagrant foul, and it went downhill from there.

In match number 2, The Fly-By Knights Edged the Meathooks 2-1 in a gritty affair. Unfortunately for the Meathooks, promising lineman Chip Bonesaw suffered a broken neck, while the Knights' new blitzer Chet Jackweed took a spill which will see him benched for their first playoff game.

The third and final regular season match pitted the Low Blows against the league-leading Goldminers, and this one was closer than the 2-0 'miners' victory margin would leave you to believe. Both teams were very good defensively and bottlenecked running routes became the order of the day. After the game, the Goldminers announced that they had signed a Deathroller onto the squad for the playoffs, which will likely give this elite team the extra push (or trample) it needs to be the victors when the dust settles.

More coming soon, including results from the first playoff match!