A-Nile-Ators Hold on for Tie, Spinebreakers Just Hold on

Kay Offwrong here for another report from MMBBL Action in the Bloodbath Division, where last season's Cinderella story, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, played host to quite possibly one of the top teams of the future, the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators. And what a game this was setting up to be, as both teams really needed a win to get involved in the playoff picture. The weather was beautiful, and the stands were split up almost evenly, with the slight edge of the 26 506 in attendance cheering for the hometown Greenskins.

The A-Nile-Ators won the coin toss and with it elected to receive. The ladies from Ibisi also decided to hire on some extra talent by the name of Helmut Wulf, the chainsaw wielding maniac, along with extra medical personnel and some Bloodweiser Boys, with a little something extra for the referee to keep his eyes on the Spinebreakers.

The kick was away and landed halfway between midfield and the A-Nile-Ators end zone, and with that the game was underway. At the line Sand Witch threw her shoulder into Kolark Bonefist, who was caught off guard and sent to the Spinebreaker sideline to rest up for the next drive. Arish Cream attempted to get into the open but as she tried to dodge away from Brakgul Bloodsnarl, she tripped over his disgustingly large feet and crashed into the turf, which was just enough to start the forward surge of the thick Green Defensive line.

After her beautiful hit on Bonefist, Sand Witch dodged away from the ever hungry Galthuk Battlewail and scooped up the ball, tossing it to Ibisi thrower La Nuclear Turnip, who reeled in the ball and began her stride downfield. Unfortunately, none of the A-Nile-Ators were open and when Grace Quirrel attempted to change that, she tripped over her own feet and the orc line surged again. The orcs managed to get some bodies in front of Miss Turnip but the nimble lady managed to slip through their clutches and toss a beautiful pass downfield, to a suddenly wide-open Sun Bern, who was more than halfway to the orc endzone.

With ragged breath, Soran Steelfury caught up to Bern and managed to strip the ball out of her hands, but despite his best efforts it fell next to her on the grass waiting for someone to scoop it up. Just then, the a-Nile-Ators' hired help decided to get in on the action, and as the crack of the chainsaw distracted and impacted the orcs' defensive forces, Helmut Wulf knocked star blitzer Kiro Stormaxe onto the turf, giving the A-Nile-Ators as good a chance as they could hope for. All Tufnutella had to do was scoop up the ball, and she was into the endzone, giving her team the one to nothing lead, halfway through the first half.

As the Goblin Referee counted his coins, the Helmut Wulf once more took his place on the pitch with the Ibisi girls, this time to defend. The Kick was decent and landed fairly close to Gan'Rul Bloodeye, the untrusted orc thrower who managed to pick up the ball and bring it towards Chuck Skudfungus. To the surprise of many in attendance, the handoff was a fake, and Zor Loneblow charged forward, crashed into Ibisi linewoman Nevfer Timid. Despite the unforeseen play, Helmut Wulf saw his opening, bursting over midfield and bringing his chainsaw to bear against Bloodeye, knocking down the thrower and popping the ball loose.

Battlewail took exception to the blatant attack on his thrower, and laid a crushing hit on Helmut, while Bloodeye regained consciousness and gathered up the ball once more. Finally the handoff was made to the soon-to-be-airborne goblin. With a mighty sigh from the projectile pipsqueak and an equally mighty grunt from the living catapult called Zor Loneblow, Skudfungus was in the air, sailing towards the endzone. The little guy hit the turf running and made his way frantically towards his goal, until he stepped on his own toes and fell flat on his face, knocking himself unconscious.

With the ball deep in the corner of the endzone, La Nuclear Turnip had just enough time to run in, pick up the ball and search out a target. Her long bomb pass was on the mark, and caught easily by newcomer Hiss Isis, who took four consecutive hits from the furious Spinebreakers before Steelfury was finally able to strip the ball away from her. The hometown Hero, Kiro Stormaxe, finally got his mitts on the ball but was unable to to escape coverage and took a spill himself. As Hiss Isis recovered the ball and attempted to hand off to Sun Bern, the sharp and dangerous dragon egg used as a ball caught her in the neck and sent her to the sideline for the remainder of the drive. There wasn't much of a drive left anyway, and the whistle blew for halftime. Both teams scrambled to the locker room as the coaches tried to convey some type of new strategy to the teams.

On the ensuing Kickoff a disgruntled Spinebreaker fan tossed his Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet at Kolark Bonefist, knocking the black orc face first into the pitch. Still Gan'rul Bloodeye managed to snag the ball and make a quick toss to Soran Steelfury who broke upfield. The resourceful Sand Witch was able to get a very lucky shot off on Steelfury, and the ball again came loose. As Grace Quirrel attempted to get to the ball, she fell, and the home town boys pressed on, led by Bloodeye who again grabbed the ball and made his way into a very protective orc pocket, searching for a receiver.

Enter Zaga Zig, and enter she did! A beauty of a hit sent Bloodeye sprawling on the ground and the ball was again loose. The only player who could get his hands on it was Soran Steelfury, who scooped up the ball and rumbled into the endzone for the tying score before Gan'rul could even open his weary eyes. 1-1 was the score and it was shaping up for a photo finish.

The next kick again saw the fans showing their love and support for the fielded teams. And another Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet came soaring out of the stands at Kolark Bonefist, this time however the very slow black orc was able to duck in time and the helmet hit A-Nile-Ators blitzer Arish Cream, knocking her unconscious. The kick landed right on the line of scrimmage and a total brawl ensued. A brilliant blitz By Kiro Stormaxe saw him make his way dangerously close to the goal. Steelfury shoved Sand Witch out of bounds and the crowed gave her a bit of a roughing up, but game-saver Nevfer Timid laid a beautiful hit on Stormaxe to keep him out of scoring position. With nothing left to do but scrum about for the ball, the whistle blew. Late game heroics from both squads!

MVPs of the match were Sun Bern for her excellent play, and Orok Deathbane who at times looked like he may do things. That's all from Razor Hill and Dragon Spine Stadium! Tune in to the MMBBL for more news and updates from our other games.

Sun Shines, Farmboys Make Hay

Evening all! Bryag Mudrake here again for another exhibition match, as the Stargazing Farmboys take on the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators at the Fields of Milk and Honey. There was tremendous turnout today, with over 36,000 screaming fans divided equally between the heavyset humans and the animalistic Amazons. The A-Nile-Ators elect to kick today, and the first kick sails out of bounds, blown into the crowds by a warm breeze on this unseasonably nice day.

The human offense pounds through the furry fury of the Amazon front line, with "Hobby" Oldfield sending Arish Cream off for a bit of a catnap. Duke Stywalker sends the ball straight at Dan Solitaire, but Solitaire bobbles it! La Mau Meow tries to punch through the blitzers to get at it, but is repelled, giving solitaire another chance to get the ball, and stagger off for the end-zone. A crash from Sand Witch and Ben-Ken Guinness distracts Solitaire long enough to get tripped up trying to get away from the Amazons, and the ball falls from his grasp into the able hands of La Nuclear Turnip. The hawk aspect sends the ball sailing upfield into the hands of the jackal-headed linewoman Zaga Zig in the Farmboys' half of the field. The Farmboys aren't about to take this, as Bruce Lard and "Zed" Malcolm try to take her down, but simply push her into deeper coverage.

What follows looks like a cross between a Pinball machine and a frat hazing, as Zaga Zig is shoved around by half the human team, before coming out, still upright and in possession of the ball, around the midfield. Once again, Zaga Zig rushes for the end of the field, as her teammates attempt to provide much-needed interference from the Farmboys. Zaga Zig takes the game's first touchdown, but at a price; La Nuclear Turnip was harmed by "Big Sea" Trepiaux and will spend the rest of the game in the infirmary.

The Amazons kick again, this time with cheering fans rooting for the Stargazin' boys, giving them a much-needed lift. The ball lands just ahead of Stywalker, who grabs the pigskin and sends it off to Solitaire, who actually manages to catch the damned thing! The human team pushed a hole right through the middle of the Amazon line, but the nimble ladies were able to quickly cage the catcher. With a little help from the linemen, Solitaire manages to slip free for a quick touchdown, tying the game!

With only a couple seconds left on the clock, the A-Nile-Ators have no time to score a point, but do manage to get some measure of revenge for La Nuclear Turnip’s injury, as Hapi Golucky puts Ben-Ken Guinness out of commission for the remainder of the game. At this point the unseasonably warm breeze becomes a freakishly hot one, as the muggy, oppressive heat descends upon the Field of Milk and Honey.

As the second half begins, both teams have players collapse in the dugout, and are able to field a mere 8 players each. The Human team now kicks to the Amazons, sending the ball deep back into their field. With a roar, they proceed to catch the A-Nile-Ators off guard, as linemen tear down the sidelines for the ball on a blitz! The A-Nile-Ators slip out of coverage to defend, and choke up the midfield, but Duke Stywalker dodges out of heavy coverage, nabs the ball, and sends it in a beautifully tight spiral to interrupt the drunken daydreams of Dan Solitaire as he stumbles up the sidelines. Groping for the ball, Dan is shoved roughly out of the way by Nevfer Timid, and the ball is scooped up by Hiss Isis, who tosses it laterally and haphazardly to Sand Witch. Unfortunately it seems the heat, or the fumes off Solitaire, managed to addle Isis' wits as well, and the ball lands near the feet of Duke Stywalker. Solitaire, looking to make up for past misdeeds, dodges into the end-zone, and runs over to Stywalker, who sends the ball into his now-waiting arms for the touchdown! The score is now 2-1 for the Farmboys!

Once again, the humans kick off to the animal aspects, but it appears the heat is not only getting to the players; the referee has apparently passed out around this point from heat exhaustion, and his absence goes unnoticed. This time, the kick lands almost perfectly in the Amazon end-zone, sending Sand Witch scrambling to make up lost yards. After a few frantic moments, Sand Witch lobs the ball off to Hiss Isis, who s quickly surrounded by her feline compatriots, who are in turn surrounded by human blitzers. Attempting to dodge out of coverage, Isis is tripped up and the ball falls free. Seeing his opening, Arnie Dieter shoves away the remaining defenders, grabs the ball, and runs around the tangle of players to reach throwing distance of Dan Solitaire, open and free in the end zone. A perfect pass meets a perfect putz, as Solitaire takes the ball to the head to many jeers from the crowd. Now it is Zaga Zig's turn to repeat the performance, shoving Solitaire out of the way, grabbing the ball, and sending a beautiful pass to her fellow linewoman Grace Quirrel.

Unfortunately, Grace comes quickly under fire, as Duke Stywalker and "The Wedge" Lawson take her down, recover the ball, and shoot off another pass to Dan Solitaire. Solitaire manages to stay on his feet long enough to actually catch the ball this time, and turns to dash for the end-zone, with little resistance. "Porky" Hootkins manages to hit Tefnutella hard enough to send her off for the remainder of the match, and Dan succeeds in evading the remaining Amazons to reach the end-zone, putting the score at a comfortable 3-1 for the Farmboys. The match ends with some brilliant, unheeded coaching, and a bit of a wrestling match until the clock ticked down.

Match MVPs went to Hapi Golucky for her vengeful actions, and Duke Stywalker for his brilliant bit of footwork despite a lousy partner; activities that have seen him promoted to a leadership position on the field. Also of note this match were the impressive blocking abilities of Sand Witch, Zaga Zig, and surprisingly Dan Solitaire, who is apparently being sent in for some therapy and rehab.

Deadites Outgun A-Nile-Ators in Battle of Expansion Squads

The Drudgetown Deadites saw their strong pre-season play echo in their first regular season match, as they took a 2-1 victory over the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators at Ibisi Arena this past Tuesday.

With the crowd actually favouring the visitors, the matchup was a rainy affair that put the skills of both of these newcomer teams to the test. The first test, however, would be one of strength instead of skill. To start things off, Boomstick the werewolf landed a crushing blow on 'Ators catcher Sun Bern, putting the unfortunate bird-woman out of the match. To follow it up, the zombie known as "Goodie Little Two Shoes" began what may be a career of violent irony, as he savagely kicked at a downed Ibisi linewoman. The officials easily picked up the fouling attempt and Two Shoes was tossed from the match, chased down the entry ramp by the boos of the hometown crowd.

When play resumed, it was the dangerous ghoul runner Klaatu Nikto who pounced on the loose ball, and was soon off and running for the goal line. He'd nearly gotten home free when Tefnutella, cat aspect blitzer, caught up with him and brought Nikto down with a clothesline punch to the back of the head. A great struggle followed as jackals, wights, and even zombies caught up to the scene and began to pound away at their opponents to retrieve the ball. At last, Klaatu Nikto righted himself and grabbed hold of the precious pigskin, at last plowing his way past the remaining A-Nile-Ators defense and putting the first point on the board for the Deadites.

Favourable conditions during the next kickoff would soon settle the score. Upon receiving the ball, the Ibisi squad set about a textbook offensive drive. As blitzers La Mau Meow and Tefnutella burst up the middle of the field through a gap made by the jackals, Sand Witch advanced, scooped up the ball and passed it downfield, reading their routes perfectly. La Mau Meow pulled the ball out of the air smoothly, and before any undead could get close enough, she crossed the goal line and had tied the score! Mere seconds remained in the half, and they ticked away harmlessly before the Deadites could retaliate.

After halftime, things started to get ugly. The rain continued to fall, and the pitch was a mess. The cat-aspect blitzers of the A-Nile-Ators squad hissed with displeasure at the perpetual bath, while the runny, crumbling physiques of the Deadites' zombie linemen were, well, somewhat runnier and crumblier. As the kickoff was launched, both teams seemed content to ignore the point-scoring part of the game and simply lay into each other with stubborn resolve. Perhaps this was all part of the Deadites' plan, because as soon as the various aspects of the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators had been tied up by zombies and wights, werewolf Boomstick made a break for the football and latched onto it like a fat orc child onto a bag of candied halfling noses. Those werewolves sure can move, folks! Boomstick was virtually unstoppable from that point on, and the Deadites had restored their lead with little time remaining.

Try as they might as the final minutes of the second half played out, the A-Nile-Ators couldn't quite bring it back to get the tie. The despicable Deadites shambled into Ibisi Arena and spoiled the inaugural home game for the A-Nile-Ators! We'll see if these two teams' fortunes stay their respective courses, or change like the wind blowing in from the southern deserts.

MVPs for this match were the Deadites' Goody Little Two Shoes for criminal amounts of enthusiasm, and Sand Witch of the 'Aters who played well despite her previously injured ankle. Also of note were Boomstick of the Deadites for his strong blocking technique, and Hapi Golucky of the A-Nile-Aters for similar reasons.

That's the run of the Bloodbath matches in Week 1, folks! Next up, time to see what happens over in Deathdealer Division!

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 3: Bloodbath Division

Another season arrives, and the MMBBL gets a shuffling of teams once more. Some brand new, some returning from hiatus. Eight of these teams call Bloodbath Division their home, and we're about to meet them!


What still needs to be said about the Razor Hill Spinebreakers and their cinderella season? Coming out of the Scrabbled Lands, this band of tough-as-nails greenskins ploughed their way through the playoffs, knocking off lizards, humans and at last elves to capture their first championship. Led by the iron will of blitzer Kiro Stormaxe, the Spinebreakers look forward to defending their title this Winter. Stormaxe was heard to comment, "Da plan is da same. Play, win, repeat. If our game ain't broke, we don't fix it. If dem other teams' games ain't broke, we ain't got to 'em yet!"

Coached by Ryan Keizer. Arena rule: Dragon Egg: When a player fails to pick up the ball or is knocked down onto the ball, make an armour check on that player. If it breaks through, roll on the injury table, treating serious injuries as knockouts.

The Carnosaurs, after a disappointing playoff exit, are back and looking for a little revenge. Entering the new season with the third-highest team rating, these scaly scoundrels are primed to surpass their previous effort and make their run at the championship. Reporters attempted to get a statement from the immense Grimjaw the Wise, who, after taking several minutes to consider his response, uprooted a tree and threw it seventy yards into a concessions stand.

Coached by Jai Gagnon. Arena Rule: Bogged Down: Players may Go For It one less time than normal.

The surprise of the Summer season has returned! The squad that at first was unfamiliar with the very concept of scoring is back to educate the rest of the league on the rougher points of the game. Rumour has it that the Blasters did, in fact, show up for Blood Bowl Day, but no one wanted anything to do with them! When asked for comment, skeleton Cal Ciferous said "they know what's coming, but they only delayed the inevitable!". A team several thousand years old probably knows all about inevitability.

Coached by Matt Stroud. Arena Rule: Rock Solid: If a player is pushed out of bounds, the injury results in a knockout on a roll of 6-9, as opposed to the usual 8-9.


(ART NOT FINAL)

The Bleakwood Breakers hail from the elven realm of Mathora Mista, where they have honed their Blood Bowl skills since times of mist-fogged history. They played only once on Blood Bowl Day, and thusly remain an unknown factor, which is likely all a part of their plans. Thrower Elrohir Nolatari, when interviewed, left no room for interpretation of the Breakers' sentiments, stating that "this great sport has been sullied by artless brutes - undead monstrosities, vulgar orcs, dirty, smelly dwarves, and all manner of undesirable untalents. The Bleakwood Breakers will return a sense of class to the field."

Coached by Andrew Embury. Arena Rule: Stubborn Treant: At the start of each half, the kicking team places a Treant token on the pitch, along the line of scrimmage. This 2 x 2 token blocks line of sight and stops any pass scattering through it. it may not be pushed or displaced until the start of a new half or overtime period.

Taking a break from the usual shambling, moaning and generally being undead, the Deadites bring a quick, versatile offense to the division. Their prowess was evident early on Blood Bowl Day, as the impressive ghoul runner Klaatu Nikto ran for four touchdowns. A slight setback came in the loss of werewolf Come Get Some, but the remaining players, most of whom have such sketchy memories that they don't have actual names themselves, are committed to showing what necromancy can do when it puts what's left of its minds to it. Says wight blocker X Morte, "I'll swallow your soul!" Now that's enthusiasm, folks!

Coached by: Neil Davies Arena Rule: The Ball is Live!: Whenever a player attempts to pick up the ball, he or she must throw a block against it first. The ball has no skills and a strength of 1. If the result of the block knocks the ball down, it can then be picked up. If the result is a push, the ball scatters randomly. After a push result, the player may advance and try to block it again, if he or she has sufficient movement allowance remaining. These actions do not count as a blitz, but may be used as part of a blitz move.



Hailing from picturesque Koldnjard, the Fjord Rangers are a rowdy, enthusiastic sort. Fearless in the face of adversity, their lone Blood Bowl Day match was against the well-established Sun Temple Chupacabras. Their skilled, smash-mouth play style brought them a great deal of praise, and the MMBBL fandom in general is looking forward to seeing them take the pitch this week. Dag Thoresen, berserker and battle axe collector, spoke on behalf of his teammates. "Ja, ve gut sum gut expeeryence tuday. Ve ull jest vant tu git der seasun untervay und show wut ve can du." Truer, more ethnically convoluted words were never spoken.

Coached by: James Richards. Arena Rule: An Inspiration to us all: Whenever a player is seriously injured, that player's team gains a reroll token.

The A-Nile-Ators' origins are somewhat mysterious - all-female (a first for the MMBBL, which is a progressive, equal opportunity league) and also, composed entirely of animal aspects. From the lush, fertile lands surrounding the city of Ibisi, this nimble squad of femmes fatales may be too much for the monosyllabic menfolk to handle! According to the interestingly-named thrower La Nuclear Turnip, "we are prepared to let our skill do the talking. We are strong, proud, and capable of internal validation...though if someone told me that this sarong looked good on me I wouldn't mind."

Coached by: Valérie Cormier. Arena Rule: Land of Milk and Honey: Whenever a player is rolling to wake up from a knockout, add 1 to the roll.

Seventy-two years ago, in a swamp about a week away, the town of Dago's Bog was founded. It's chief exports have always been squash, peat and communicable disease, but now they're adding "Blood Bowl Action!" to that list. In a town filled with folk with more upper body muscles than brain cells and less scruples than a doppelganger in a beauty pageant, it would have been easy to assemble a group of thugs to play the game. Not so with the Farmboys, whose name in fact speaks of their character. The local government, hoping to improve their town's reputation, has selected their hardest-working, most starry-eyed young lads to bring an honest day's work to a town which views honesty as a four-letter word. As lineman Bill "Porky" Hootkins says, "I've got a problem here. No, no, no, I'm alright, I'm alright." Very laid back. Very professional!

Coached by: Jon Roth. Arena Rule: Scum and Villainy: When calculating inducements at the start of the game, each player may pay 100k to hire a "bounty hunter". A Bounty Hunter is a human lineman with the following abilities: Loner, Dirty Player, and Stab.

And that's Bloodbath Division this season! Check back again soon for Deathdealer's big mean six!

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 2: Blood Bowl Day!

This weekend, our larger family of teams and coaches came together once again for an all-day Blood Bowl marathon. While it would, of course, take weeks for me to document everything that went on in the twenty-some total games that were played, I can certainly touch upon some of the highlights.

For starters, player deaths. It was a bloody, bloody Blood Bowl day, sportsfiends. All told, five bright young stars-to-be had their destiny ripped out along with assorted vital organs and tissues. Stewart Backa of the Stargazin' Farmboys met his grisly end, and was shipped back to Dago's Bog to be returned to the loam of his homeland. Likewise, feline blitzer Mademoiselle Mechante ran out of lives in a hurry and will be reduced to a spectator's point of view from the great litterbox in the sky. A werewolf known as "Come Get Some" from the Drudgetown Deadites was a victim of an unfortunate circumstance, when after being pushed into the crowd, was devoured handily by about three dozen zombies. Finally, a double blow was dealt to the Shattered Plains Rampage, as both the hippo lineman Zazuk and lion berserker Rama were inhumed by the largely unsanitary efforts of the Grenedale Lesionnaires. The Lesionnaires being what they are, were of course pleased to announce the addition of Rama and Zazuk to their lineup after those matches.

For all the sadness there was, still some joy. Most noticeably, Nala of the Rampage, who piled up a whopping three touchdowns and two MVP awards in this long day of destruction, and Klaatu Nikto of the Deadites who got in for four touchdowns. Promising preseason efforts from both individuals!

The season will be starting on Tuesday, with Bloodbath division kicking off our eight-week regular season schedule. In the next post, we'll get a look at the teams playing for the Dungeonbowl championship. This season sees a very good mix of skill and strength, so anything could happen as the Razor Hill Spinebreakers defend their league title!