It's time again to recognize the elite players of the MMBBL, for their superlative play in the latest chapter of the league's history. We had some returning favourites, and several newcomers showing their skill as well.
First up, the League MVP Award. Many had favoured Ol' Teabagger for this once again, and the Man was looking poised to deliver until a run-in with Ramrod Meatmissile of the Meathooks brought his existence to a pasty, splutchy halt. As one star dims, however, another seems brighter, and Chompsalot stepped up to the challenge this season, earning an impressive 36 star player points on seven touchdowns, one completion, two casualties and two MVP votes. Though the Dirt Bursters will be departing for the next little while, the league is confident that Chompsalot will prove to be a great ambassador of the sport for years to come. Runners-up were Chompsalot's teammate Khermit, and Brutakai Ragefangs phenom Raziek Bloodrage.
The In the Zone award for most touchdowns frequently lands in the hands of the player who wins the league MVP Award, and this season is no exception. Chompsalot's seven touchdowns earn him this award, with Hammish of the Meathooks coming in second with six scores, and Raziek Bloodrage and Angruil Grimmrose tying for fourth.
Like an unstoppable juggernaut, Khermit stormed the league for the second season running and got his bandaged hands on the Commissioner's Medal for Exemplary Brutality. Absolutely dominating his opponents, Khermit had eight serious injuries attributed to his handiwork, at a rate of over one per game. A distant tie for third showed the effort from Kragor Clawfang of the Ragefangs and Helter Skeleter of the Bloodsand Blasters.
The Silver Elbow, for most complete passes in a season, is awarded to Bendark Mossfang of the Blueriver Wardoves. Bendark wins the award easily, tossing thirteen gems. His nearest competition was from Fivel Mausketrap of the Blackwater Bilgerunners with eight, and Krak Toothsnapper of the Ragefangs with seven.
There was no clear victor in the chase for the Brass Doorknob, which goes to the player with the most interceptions in a season. Four players wound up sharing the honour, those being Krunch of the Blackwater Bilgerunners, Beefquake of the Meathooks, and Bahnaynay and Bubtunk Bagrot of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Everyone else was tied with, well, none.
The Silver Lining award, given to the player with the most game MVP awards, is picked up by line dwarf Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, with four such nominations under his belt this season. Close behind with three apiece were skeleton Lanks McBreak and former dwarf/current zombie Eric Shun.
Finally, that award no one wants their name to be on, the singular mark of shame, the Big Fat Zero - the Why Bother? award, presented to the player with the least impact on the game throughout the course of the season. Rookies are ineligible - one has to be around for a while before one can be considered to truly be dead weight. The award is slit between three sorry excuses for athletes this season. Ragefangs line orcs Gor Knifelicker and Vradak Facechewer each amounted nothing of consequence, as did elf lineman Valandil Dreadlily. There may be three of them, but when you divide zero by three you still get zero. Step it up next time, you lot!
These are your champions, MMBBL fans! look for them on cereal boxes, at curfew-violating parties, and in fancy glove commercials!
Showing posts with label Butakai Ragefangs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Butakai Ragefangs. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Rat Rush Ravages Ragefangs
Welcome, sportsfiends, to our first quarter-final report from the MMBBL Blood Bowl tournament! Today's match saw the mean, green Brutakai Ragefangs square off against the sneaky, squeaky Blackwater Bilgerunners, battling it out for a chance to advance to the Group 1 Semifinals.
Winning the coin flip, the Bilgerunners elected to receive first. A high kick from the Ragefangs allowed Fivel Mausketrap time to catch the ball, and the first drive was underway. Surveying the field, Mausketrap lobbed a pass to the speedy Dingleberry, and the skaven, to no one's great surprise, bolted down the field, aiming to grab an early lead. Xarnak Bloodrage would have none of it, however, and the orc blitzer plowed into Dingleberry, tearing the ball free as the gutter runner hit the turf. Attempting to recover the ball, Kragor Clawfang slipped up in the ever-growing heap of bodies, and lost sight of the ball. To his dismay, Piddlepaw would quickly scoop it into his arms and bolt downfield, diving into the end zone and sliding across the grass like a big, greasy...well, you get the idea.
The next drive started with a quick snap count by the Ragefangs, and the optimal positioning allowed thrower Holo Axegut to quickly retrieve the football. His pass to teammate Krak Toothsnapper was dead-on, but Toothsnapper bobbled and lost it. Quickly looking for redemption, Krak launched a pass of his own to Raziek Bloodrage, and the orc captain made no mistake with the routine reception. Bursting through the line, Bloodrage somehow didn't catch sight of the towering new addition to the Bilgerunners, namely O'Rattigan the rat ogre. O'Rattigan blindsided the blitzer and knocked him flat, while Dingleberry arrived on the scene to recover the fumbled ball. The Ragefangs had trained for this kind of scenario, however, and no sooner than he had picked up the football, Rigor Stonestomper was upon him, leveling the runner with ease. Meanwhile, O'Rattigan resumed his brawl with Raziek Bloodrage, forcing the orc over the guardrail and into his adoring fanbase, who carried him safely back to the dugout. In from the backfield came Fivel Mausketrap, and making no mistake, tossed a pass to Piddlepaw, who caught it expertly. The last line of defense, Holo Axegut made his move to stop the wily skaven, but couldn't knock him over. With a timely support blitz from teammate Jenner, Piddlepaw was home free once again! Up two to nothing, the Bilgerunners had to be confident about their chances to advance.
As if the situation weren't tight enough for the Ragefangs already, their next drive would wind up cutting off circulation. The skaven read their offense perfectly and began a pass rush blitz, giving Krak Toothsnapper hardly any time to make a play. Under pressure from the rats bearing down on him, he couldn't get a proper handle on the ball. In swept Dingleberry with unparalleled agility, picking up the bobbled prize and depositing it in the end zone. The discouragement among the Ragefans was palpable, though the players themselves steeled their hearts for another drive before the half ended. Little came of the last-second setup, though O'Rattigan was toppled in a press of bodies.
As the second half began, the Ragefangs' head coach revealed that while he had no illusions of winning at this point, his team would be playing their hearts out regardless. His pep talk seemed to have galvanized the beleaguered orc force, as they took the pitch with heads held high. The skaven weren't about to rest on their laurels, however, and brought their A-game back to their defense as they kicked off. Krak Toothsnapper retrieved the kick and handed off to Raziek Bloodrage, and the inspiring captain led once more by example. Bloodrage charged, untouched, past the Bilgerunners line, and plowed into the skaven secondary. O'Rattigan might have made the difference, but Ragefangs blocker Kozu Ironhide was on "special assignment" to deal with the menace. Shrugging off the last vestiges of skaven defense, Raziek exploded over the goal line and roared his triumph to the remaining Ragefans in the crowd. Never accuse this orc of going quietly.
For the Blackwater Bilgerunners, their next drive was simply business as usual. Knowing that the key to victory now was confident, measured offense with no mistakes, they set about their regular routines in an attempt to seal the deal. Mausketrap threw a splendid catch to Dingleberry, who made his move downfield. The fly in the skaven ointment this time proved to be Kodish Manhammer, who sent Dingleberry packing for the rest of the game with a bone-crushing hit. Still, the Bilgerunners planned for this sort of event on a regular basis, and right behind the fallen Dingleberry was fellow runner Twinkletoes, picking up the football and squeezing past the Ragefangs defense for yet another Bilgerunners touchdown.
Still not content to accept defeat, the Ragefangs lined up with a play which looked much like any other. A high kick allowed Krak Toothsnapper to catch the ball to start the drive, and his throw to Raziek was once again complete. The difference in this strategy revealed itself soon afterwards, as the entire Ragefangs line simultaneously crashed upon the shores of the skaven defense. Erosion metaphors being what they are, the orc onslaught left no rat standing, and once more Kozu Ironhide kept the dangerous O'Rattigan well in check. With no one to challenge his journey to the end zone, Raziek Bloodrage once more bellowed his success. Win or lose, the Brutakai Ragefangs have proven their worth in the MMBBL, and this season in particular have been a thrill-a-minute to watch.
The orcs kicked off once more, and this time the ball was seized by a gust of wind which carried it out of play. Taking the touchback, Fivel Mausketrap sent another stellar pass to gutter runner Twinkletoes. Soon afterwards, Twinkletoes shared the love with blitzer Jenner, whose hard work was rewarded as he charged past the orc defense for the Bilgerunners' fifth touchdown of the match.
With little time remaining, the orc squad managed a few last stabs at glory, as Brax Elfeater throttled Stumptail the linerat, and Krak Toothsnapper managed another easy pass to Raziek Bloodrage. The whistle blew, and the skaven fans flooded the field as the Ragefangs retreated to the locker room. The newcomer skaven had gotten one step closer to the biggest cheese of all.
MVP awards for the match went to Ruushnak Nightwrath of the Ragefangs for his strong work on the line of scrimmage, and Piddlepaw of the Bilgerunners for his amazing performance and true "get up an go" attitude. Also notable was Jenner the blitzer, whose protection of his gutter runners was most remarkable.
Our first semi-finalist has reached the next level, and with impressive offensive fashion! Who will the Blackwater Bilgerunners face, and what of the other teams who are vying for the next step up the ladder? Tune in soon for more!
Winning the coin flip, the Bilgerunners elected to receive first. A high kick from the Ragefangs allowed Fivel Mausketrap time to catch the ball, and the first drive was underway. Surveying the field, Mausketrap lobbed a pass to the speedy Dingleberry, and the skaven, to no one's great surprise, bolted down the field, aiming to grab an early lead. Xarnak Bloodrage would have none of it, however, and the orc blitzer plowed into Dingleberry, tearing the ball free as the gutter runner hit the turf. Attempting to recover the ball, Kragor Clawfang slipped up in the ever-growing heap of bodies, and lost sight of the ball. To his dismay, Piddlepaw would quickly scoop it into his arms and bolt downfield, diving into the end zone and sliding across the grass like a big, greasy...well, you get the idea.
The next drive started with a quick snap count by the Ragefangs, and the optimal positioning allowed thrower Holo Axegut to quickly retrieve the football. His pass to teammate Krak Toothsnapper was dead-on, but Toothsnapper bobbled and lost it. Quickly looking for redemption, Krak launched a pass of his own to Raziek Bloodrage, and the orc captain made no mistake with the routine reception. Bursting through the line, Bloodrage somehow didn't catch sight of the towering new addition to the Bilgerunners, namely O'Rattigan the rat ogre. O'Rattigan blindsided the blitzer and knocked him flat, while Dingleberry arrived on the scene to recover the fumbled ball. The Ragefangs had trained for this kind of scenario, however, and no sooner than he had picked up the football, Rigor Stonestomper was upon him, leveling the runner with ease. Meanwhile, O'Rattigan resumed his brawl with Raziek Bloodrage, forcing the orc over the guardrail and into his adoring fanbase, who carried him safely back to the dugout. In from the backfield came Fivel Mausketrap, and making no mistake, tossed a pass to Piddlepaw, who caught it expertly. The last line of defense, Holo Axegut made his move to stop the wily skaven, but couldn't knock him over. With a timely support blitz from teammate Jenner, Piddlepaw was home free once again! Up two to nothing, the Bilgerunners had to be confident about their chances to advance.
As if the situation weren't tight enough for the Ragefangs already, their next drive would wind up cutting off circulation. The skaven read their offense perfectly and began a pass rush blitz, giving Krak Toothsnapper hardly any time to make a play. Under pressure from the rats bearing down on him, he couldn't get a proper handle on the ball. In swept Dingleberry with unparalleled agility, picking up the bobbled prize and depositing it in the end zone. The discouragement among the Ragefans was palpable, though the players themselves steeled their hearts for another drive before the half ended. Little came of the last-second setup, though O'Rattigan was toppled in a press of bodies.
As the second half began, the Ragefangs' head coach revealed that while he had no illusions of winning at this point, his team would be playing their hearts out regardless. His pep talk seemed to have galvanized the beleaguered orc force, as they took the pitch with heads held high. The skaven weren't about to rest on their laurels, however, and brought their A-game back to their defense as they kicked off. Krak Toothsnapper retrieved the kick and handed off to Raziek Bloodrage, and the inspiring captain led once more by example. Bloodrage charged, untouched, past the Bilgerunners line, and plowed into the skaven secondary. O'Rattigan might have made the difference, but Ragefangs blocker Kozu Ironhide was on "special assignment" to deal with the menace. Shrugging off the last vestiges of skaven defense, Raziek exploded over the goal line and roared his triumph to the remaining Ragefans in the crowd. Never accuse this orc of going quietly.
For the Blackwater Bilgerunners, their next drive was simply business as usual. Knowing that the key to victory now was confident, measured offense with no mistakes, they set about their regular routines in an attempt to seal the deal. Mausketrap threw a splendid catch to Dingleberry, who made his move downfield. The fly in the skaven ointment this time proved to be Kodish Manhammer, who sent Dingleberry packing for the rest of the game with a bone-crushing hit. Still, the Bilgerunners planned for this sort of event on a regular basis, and right behind the fallen Dingleberry was fellow runner Twinkletoes, picking up the football and squeezing past the Ragefangs defense for yet another Bilgerunners touchdown.
Still not content to accept defeat, the Ragefangs lined up with a play which looked much like any other. A high kick allowed Krak Toothsnapper to catch the ball to start the drive, and his throw to Raziek was once again complete. The difference in this strategy revealed itself soon afterwards, as the entire Ragefangs line simultaneously crashed upon the shores of the skaven defense. Erosion metaphors being what they are, the orc onslaught left no rat standing, and once more Kozu Ironhide kept the dangerous O'Rattigan well in check. With no one to challenge his journey to the end zone, Raziek Bloodrage once more bellowed his success. Win or lose, the Brutakai Ragefangs have proven their worth in the MMBBL, and this season in particular have been a thrill-a-minute to watch.
The orcs kicked off once more, and this time the ball was seized by a gust of wind which carried it out of play. Taking the touchback, Fivel Mausketrap sent another stellar pass to gutter runner Twinkletoes. Soon afterwards, Twinkletoes shared the love with blitzer Jenner, whose hard work was rewarded as he charged past the orc defense for the Bilgerunners' fifth touchdown of the match.
With little time remaining, the orc squad managed a few last stabs at glory, as Brax Elfeater throttled Stumptail the linerat, and Krak Toothsnapper managed another easy pass to Raziek Bloodrage. The whistle blew, and the skaven fans flooded the field as the Ragefangs retreated to the locker room. The newcomer skaven had gotten one step closer to the biggest cheese of all.
MVP awards for the match went to Ruushnak Nightwrath of the Ragefangs for his strong work on the line of scrimmage, and Piddlepaw of the Bilgerunners for his amazing performance and true "get up an go" attitude. Also notable was Jenner the blitzer, whose protection of his gutter runners was most remarkable.
Our first semi-finalist has reached the next level, and with impressive offensive fashion! Who will the Blackwater Bilgerunners face, and what of the other teams who are vying for the next step up the ladder? Tune in soon for more!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The 2008 Blood Bowl Playoffs
Here you go, sportsfiends, the brackets for this year's Blood Bowl tournament! We've got some interesting stories brewing in the quarter finals here.
A: Bloodsand Blasters vs. Smash and Go'nads: This one could get messy! The dwarves are tough customers who can hold their own, but the mummies on the Blasters' squad will be looking to cause all kinds of havoc!
B: Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters vs. Traumatic Takedown: A rematch decided by fate, the Dirt Bursters are clear favourites. There's always a chance for a spoiler, though, and revenge, for the chaos dwarf squad, may be best-served as cold as the grave.
C: Blackwater Bilgerunners vs. Brutakai Ragefangs: This could be one of the most exciting match-ups to date, as the speedy skaven have hired on some muscle in the form of their new rat ogre, while the Ragefangs have really come into their own this season, displaying both skill and strength.
D: Meathooks vs. Blueriver Wardoves: Yet another immediate rematch, these two teams battled to an exciting three-all tie last week, and each has had a chance to test their strengths and identify their weaknesses in this latest chapter of the great struggle between elf and orc!
Pick your favourites! Taunt the enemy! Break out the team colours and shout your anthem proudly! The "A" and "C" games are set to kick off this weekend, and we'll be on hand to cover every thrilling touchdown, each bone-crushing tackle, and all the fun of the MMBBL's first Blood Bowl Summer tournament!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
A Double Dose of Doves! An Awful lot of Orcs!
It's your favorite Coach Wrangler here, taking a break from herding those havoc heralding homeboys who haphazardly head our favorite teams.
Once again, I'm scribing the following matches somewhat live from the best seats, whilst a P.A.G.E. scribes down what I say. That's a Pen Arcanely Granted Expatiation, the latest magical convenience I've acquired recently.
As I look around, I see the 21,000 fans piling into their seats below me. Only one third of these seem to be here to see the Brutakai Ragefangs, whilst the rest have arrived in their silvers, whites and blues to cheer on the Wardoves! The High Elves from Blueriver will have the fan support tonight, that's for sure!
The coin toss is made, and the Doves are up to kick first. A gust of wind blows the ball through the clear blue sky and lands right in the grass next to Krak Toothsnapper, a thrower. What luck for the Ragefangs! They're forming the cage right away around the ball, an always-smart maneuver for a tough band of Greenskins. The Doves have always had trouble with this one, but their Coach seems to have thought up a counter-strategy. Yes, he's setting the team up like a wall in front of the cage, with not even a lineman within arm's reach of the Orcs' frontmen. This is gonna be a slow one!
They march towards the Elven line, and I see Xarnak Bloodrage has burst through! The Doves' wall hangs back a bit and I see the Elves going to deal with the Ragefang Blitzer. Around the sides of the cage formation I see some Elves slipping around. Oooh! Star Catcher Tsih Killwillow just took a mean stomping from equally famed blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Picking up the trash is elf blitzer Albiir Featherdeath, who slips into the back of the cage after knocking Line orc Holo Axegut out cold! He's face to face with ball-carrier Krak Toothsnapper.
Tsih is up again, and I see him scramble back around to fill in a gap left in the Wardoves' wall formation. By the gods! I can't explain it in any other way but...the cage formation just erupted into a green tornado! Violence aplenty, and most important to the orcs, that ruthless blitzer Featherdeath is well out of Krak's face now. Xarnak Bloodrage and rightly-named Brax Elfeater sandwich the hapless elven lineman Pynian Grassripper, and the Bloodrage Blitzer slips away and is mere feet from the Wardove end zone! The elven wall is crumbling, folks...
The Wardoves have thrown caution to the wind now, and a brawl has erupted deep in their side of the pitch. The Elves are focusing their blocking on Krak, who stubbornly refuses to give up the ball but...wait! The ball is loose! Krak has been knocked over and the ball is free! It's landed just outside of the fracas. Featherdeath got him back in the end, it seems. What was that wet crack I just heard? Ouch! It seems that Kragor Clawfang has put his 3-MVP winning fists to good work and sends elf catcher Angruil Grimmrose out. We'll have to see if the Apothecaries can get him back in shape.
The Ragefangs are showing the Doves just who is better in the blocking game here, and an impressive chain of blocks have shoved the elven defense out of the brawl. Orc lineman Rigor Stonestomper is in possession of the ball now. Ooof! Xarnak just took a spill, and there's line elf Stryth Leafmauler putting his cleats on his face! The ref didn't notice it seems. Ha! Them's the breaks Mr.Bloodrage! Krak is handed the ball again, and is suddenly beset by elves from all sides! Elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow comes out of nowhere and gives an impressive toss to Albiir Featherdeath who dekes out the last orc in his way before crossing the Ragefang end zone! That elf can sure run! Wow! 1-0 Wardoves!
I've just heard back from the Wardoves' infirmary that Angruil Grimmrose is back up and running for the next drive. And here it comes... though, to be honest there's not much time left on the clock for the first half.
Wardoves kick, and a quick snap from the Ragefangs allows line orc Ruushnak Nightwrath the chance to catch the kick and toss it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. A few blocks get thrown, even by the heartthrob Tsih Killwillow, who K.O.'s Xarnak Bloodrage. The Wardoves back-flip away from the orc line and as a lead in to some kind of halftime show, begin an impressive dance as the ref blows the whistle. You got served, Clan Brutakai!
Taunting an orc, however, is never wise. Especially with dance. It seems from now on this friendly rivalry will become a lot less civil. I'd watch my back if I was a high elf from Blueriver.
The orcs set up to kick for the first drive of the second half. This time the elves are on the ball with a quick snap. Potential Silver Elbow-winner Bendark Mossfang puts his foot on the ball while watching the rest of the team play their beginning tactics. Tsih smashes past the wide zone orcish line with an assist, stunning black orc Kozu Ironhide and slipping into the orcish defense. His efforts are met with a stunning blow from the orc gauntlet, a new defensive play by the Ragefangs. Raziek Bloodrage wipes the glitter off his hands and the orc captain calls his greenskins to keep the line steady.
Elves slip past the orc line from all sides, while elf thrower Mossfang kicks the ball nonchalantly into his hands and stays deep in his own side of the pitch. We know those keen eyes are just waiting for an open catcher. Orcs are surrounding the elven offense now, though I see Angruil signaling for a pass. Mossfang makes his throw! Or... wait! No! He's dropped it! Bendark's dropped the ball at his own feet! Black orc Kozu Ironhide plows into the elven thrower and I think he's unconscious. Xarnak Bloodrage, orc blitzer, nails Albiir Featherdeath to the ground and judging from the blood I think he's out for the game, folks. Raziek Bloodrage races in to scoop up the ball. The elven offense scrambles back to try to salvage the situation. Are those pointy-eared treehuggers fast or what?! Raziek is down, and the ball is free again. Mossfang is up and he picks up the ball with a steely look of determination on his fine features. He runs a circle around the orcish offensive line and... He doesn't pass it but hands it off to line elf Mlalyn Firefawn, who runs even farther up the field. He makes the pass to Fhorin Bloodmeadow! Touchdown! It's 2-0 for the Wardoves, and not too much time left for the Brutakai Ragefangs to turn this one around.
The Blueriver Wardoves set up for the next drive. They kick it high, and yet another quick snap by the Ragefangs starts off a fierce offensive drive. Xarnak K.O.'s new line elf Finchtalon and the orcs follow the powerful blitzer through the thin elven line. The Doves fall back again, in their third backpedal maneuver, to tie up the Bloodrage Blitzer Brothers. Krak Toothsnapper has the ball, and the orc thrower lobs a big one into the hands of Xarnak Bloodrage. Raziek takes a spill trying to get away from those pesky elves and he knocks his head too hard on the ground I think. He's out cold! The Doves' defense flock in and now Xarnak has been knocked flat. The ball is free, and now it's been picked up by Prok Fleshdrinker. He makes a pass to Kragor Clawfang who seems home-free for the touchdown, but...ohh! That was the whistle! Time's up for this game. Kragor crosses the line anyways, just to show how close he was. Maybe next time Kragor. The Wardoves keep their 2-0 victory against the Ragefangs.
MVPs for this match are being announced now... Stryth Leafmauler for the Blueriver Wardoves for his expertise at the art of Blocking, and Rigor Stonestomper for doing what he could when it mattered. Also of note is the increasingly accurate passes of Ragefangs thrower Krak Toothsnapper and of Fhorin Bloodmeadow with a signature dodge-ending dropkick sure to get him out of the shadow of the speedy Albiir Featherdeath.
I'll be turning off the P.A.G.E. now until the next match I'm scheduled to report. I'm even going to travel with the Wardoves to the next stadium. Should be quite a time!
... It's me again! Activating my trusty magical scribe. Now, to be honest... I didn't really enjoy my trip with the Wardoves. I won't get into details but it involved some strange-tasting wines, horses that smelled a bit TOO nice, and a make-over... for me.
For this next match, the Wardoves are going up against the acclaimed Meathooks in yet another challenge match. The game is taking place in a very impromptu stadium, as the main grounds detonated recently due to structural issues...I don't see how bad architecture can cause explosions, but there you have it. The game is taking place in the surrounding farmlands, and the fresh white paint of the lines is giving off that 'new pitch smell' that I'm sure will be quickly replaced with that 'new horrible sucking chest wound smell'.
Ye gods are there ever a lot of fans. I think the official gate is 35,000. Is that a record? It might be. I can't really tell, but the supportive cheers seems to lean slightly in the Meathooks favour. We'll see if it helps at all.
Still, I can barely see the field, and I'm still trying to find a good spot to watch and...oh! They've begun! I see the ball in the air after the opening kick. I can't even tell who kicked it. Um...this gentleman here says the Wardoves just kicked it. O.K....I'll take his word for it.
I caught a glimpse of the opening play, the orcs have cleared open the elven line and that lumbering troll and the goblin Hammish have moved up. Prince Moranian does an impressive attack and sends the monster to the ground. Hang on...Moranian is here?! It appears so... Goodness. I can barely see anything at all. Oh wait! I see Hammish flying through the air above the horizon of fans I have to contend with. He has the ball! Now everyone is cheering...um...I guess there was a Touchdown! Erm...1-0 Meathooks! Good show!
It's the next kick, I just saw it go up. Oh, hello ladies...I think I just landed in a Killwillow fan club of sorts. Quite the friendly bunch of maidens and...Why are they screaming? Oh my! It seems that Meathooks black orc T-Boner just killed line elf Mlalyn Firefawn! No...No wait...Their apothecary just put his head back on right...He still looks terrible though. Augh! More screams! Bendark Mossfang has just been killed byRamrod Meatmissile of the Meathooks! No, wait. Apothecary on the scene again. Crisis averted. Ok, what's going on now? I just saw the ball being thrown by...who? By Albiir Featherdeath, the blitzer? Thank you miss, it seems elf catcher Angruil Grimmrose has caught it and crosses into the Meathooks endzone! The score is tied at 1-1.
My ears are killing me... Too many screaming women... It's like I'm back home. Ok, I see the next kickoff has begun. I'm watching this from the Meathook's dugout. I don't know how I got here, but it's a decent view.Biggs McStabstab throws the ball to goblin Bacon Sandwich. That troll tosses the poor whelp into the air and he crash lands! Oooh! What's this? Finchtalon, the newcomer, is making a dramatic elbow drop on the downed goblin! Oooh! Look at the blood! The ref saw that one, no doubt. They're bringing the broken greenskin midget in here. I'd better hide...
The apothecary is putting him back together, seems his head flew off. Duct tape will fix anything, for certain. The good doctor is going to tell the coach the good news. Ah, seems he was so happy the goblin survived that the coach is coming in here personally to... Oh! Gods no! He's stabbing him! The Meathooks coach is stabbing the poor Bacon Sandwich to death! He's standing over the cooling corpse and proclaims to the poor thing that he's fired. What a cold, unfeeling gree- Uh oh. He saw me. Yipes!
...
... Ok, I seem to be safe now. The half ended while I was running away. Seems the score is still tied at 1-1 at the beginning of the second half. I still can't see over the hordes of fans. I'm sure it's the orcs kicking, there goes the ball. I hear something, Bendark Mossfang, the elf thrower must have picked it up and I see the throw! Touchdown! By who? Oh! It was rising star player Tsih Killwillow! I can tell because I hear those maidens signing his theme song "Ode to Tsih, please sleep with me"... Not a very subtle theme is it? 2-1 Wardoves at any rate.
There goes the elves kicking the ball to the Meathooks. My word! Someone just tossed a rock into the fray! I think I saw Valandil Dreadlily take it in the head! He's down for the moment andBiggs McStabstab tosses the ball to Hammish the goblin. I see where this is going... No wait, no I don't. I wish these blasted fans could stop pushing me around! Meathooks fans are a little too handsy for me. I see Hammish in the air again with the ball! That troll must be well fed today! Ooh! I heard the crack! I don't think the poor thing landed right. The ref's blown his whistle! It seems Valandil was copying Finchtalon and elbow-dropped the fallen goblin a bit too obviously. Still, the game continues... I hear something... Yes! Meathooks touchdown! Hammish got back up and pulled off another tying score! It's at 2-2!
Orcs kicking again... I see the ball in the air. I hear the elf thrower Mossfang calling out his throw, and again I hear Angruil's returning cry. The ball is thrown and again we see a lightning fast touchdown in the very late seconds of the game. Though I guess I only heard that one... Anyway, 3-2 for the Wardoves! There's not but a few seconds left on the clock. The fans are already filing out...
Maybe I can just... Yes! I'm finally at the front of the crowd! I can see clearly the Doves' final play. They've only fielded three linemen against a full line of orcs. The troll and Hammish are on the Widezone, looking very determined still despite a clear loss. The elves in the dugout are already celebrating their third victory of the summer season.
Wait! Stop everything! Hammish has the ball, he's leaping into the troll's waiting grasp! Like hideous green poetry in motion, the goblin is flung through the air and he lands like a... Like a snot-covered tissue in the Wardoves endzone. It's a tie game! 3-3! Hammish turns and drops trou right before the faces of the gawking Wardoves, and makes some very rude actions I'm not sticking around to see!
That took a lot out of me... All that scrambling through the fans. I'm renting a flying carpet next time. Or maybe I'll just scry the whole game. In any case, the MVPs are being announced now. It's Tsih Killwillow for the Blueriver Wardoves, who's acrobatic display always leaves his opponents in the dust, andBeef Bigaxe for being exactly what you'd expect Beef Bigaxe to be.
Seemed like an exciting game, winning new attention for both teams. This is the MMBBL's official Coach Wrangler, the Magical Mister Mudd signing off. Coming up next, from your regularily scheduled reporter, is the final challenge match between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Traumatic Takedown!
See you there! I'll be watching that one from home...
Once again, I'm scribing the following matches somewhat live from the best seats, whilst a P.A.G.E. scribes down what I say. That's a Pen Arcanely Granted Expatiation, the latest magical convenience I've acquired recently.
As I look around, I see the 21,000 fans piling into their seats below me. Only one third of these seem to be here to see the Brutakai Ragefangs, whilst the rest have arrived in their silvers, whites and blues to cheer on the Wardoves! The High Elves from Blueriver will have the fan support tonight, that's for sure!
The coin toss is made, and the Doves are up to kick first. A gust of wind blows the ball through the clear blue sky and lands right in the grass next to Krak Toothsnapper, a thrower. What luck for the Ragefangs! They're forming the cage right away around the ball, an always-smart maneuver for a tough band of Greenskins. The Doves have always had trouble with this one, but their Coach seems to have thought up a counter-strategy. Yes, he's setting the team up like a wall in front of the cage, with not even a lineman within arm's reach of the Orcs' frontmen. This is gonna be a slow one!
They march towards the Elven line, and I see Xarnak Bloodrage has burst through! The Doves' wall hangs back a bit and I see the Elves going to deal with the Ragefang Blitzer. Around the sides of the cage formation I see some Elves slipping around. Oooh! Star Catcher Tsih Killwillow just took a mean stomping from equally famed blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Picking up the trash is elf blitzer Albiir Featherdeath, who slips into the back of the cage after knocking Line orc Holo Axegut out cold! He's face to face with ball-carrier Krak Toothsnapper.
Tsih is up again, and I see him scramble back around to fill in a gap left in the Wardoves' wall formation. By the gods! I can't explain it in any other way but...the cage formation just erupted into a green tornado! Violence aplenty, and most important to the orcs, that ruthless blitzer Featherdeath is well out of Krak's face now. Xarnak Bloodrage and rightly-named Brax Elfeater sandwich the hapless elven lineman Pynian Grassripper, and the Bloodrage Blitzer slips away and is mere feet from the Wardove end zone! The elven wall is crumbling, folks...
The Wardoves have thrown caution to the wind now, and a brawl has erupted deep in their side of the pitch. The Elves are focusing their blocking on Krak, who stubbornly refuses to give up the ball but...wait! The ball is loose! Krak has been knocked over and the ball is free! It's landed just outside of the fracas. Featherdeath got him back in the end, it seems. What was that wet crack I just heard? Ouch! It seems that Kragor Clawfang has put his 3-MVP winning fists to good work and sends elf catcher Angruil Grimmrose out. We'll have to see if the Apothecaries can get him back in shape.
The Ragefangs are showing the Doves just who is better in the blocking game here, and an impressive chain of blocks have shoved the elven defense out of the brawl. Orc lineman Rigor Stonestomper is in possession of the ball now. Ooof! Xarnak just took a spill, and there's line elf Stryth Leafmauler putting his cleats on his face! The ref didn't notice it seems. Ha! Them's the breaks Mr.Bloodrage! Krak is handed the ball again, and is suddenly beset by elves from all sides! Elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow comes out of nowhere and gives an impressive toss to Albiir Featherdeath who dekes out the last orc in his way before crossing the Ragefang end zone! That elf can sure run! Wow! 1-0 Wardoves!
I've just heard back from the Wardoves' infirmary that Angruil Grimmrose is back up and running for the next drive. And here it comes... though, to be honest there's not much time left on the clock for the first half.
Wardoves kick, and a quick snap from the Ragefangs allows line orc Ruushnak Nightwrath the chance to catch the kick and toss it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. A few blocks get thrown, even by the heartthrob Tsih Killwillow, who K.O.'s Xarnak Bloodrage. The Wardoves back-flip away from the orc line and as a lead in to some kind of halftime show, begin an impressive dance as the ref blows the whistle. You got served, Clan Brutakai!
Taunting an orc, however, is never wise. Especially with dance. It seems from now on this friendly rivalry will become a lot less civil. I'd watch my back if I was a high elf from Blueriver.
The orcs set up to kick for the first drive of the second half. This time the elves are on the ball with a quick snap. Potential Silver Elbow-winner Bendark Mossfang puts his foot on the ball while watching the rest of the team play their beginning tactics. Tsih smashes past the wide zone orcish line with an assist, stunning black orc Kozu Ironhide and slipping into the orcish defense. His efforts are met with a stunning blow from the orc gauntlet, a new defensive play by the Ragefangs. Raziek Bloodrage wipes the glitter off his hands and the orc captain calls his greenskins to keep the line steady.
Elves slip past the orc line from all sides, while elf thrower Mossfang kicks the ball nonchalantly into his hands and stays deep in his own side of the pitch. We know those keen eyes are just waiting for an open catcher. Orcs are surrounding the elven offense now, though I see Angruil signaling for a pass. Mossfang makes his throw! Or... wait! No! He's dropped it! Bendark's dropped the ball at his own feet! Black orc Kozu Ironhide plows into the elven thrower and I think he's unconscious. Xarnak Bloodrage, orc blitzer, nails Albiir Featherdeath to the ground and judging from the blood I think he's out for the game, folks. Raziek Bloodrage races in to scoop up the ball. The elven offense scrambles back to try to salvage the situation. Are those pointy-eared treehuggers fast or what?! Raziek is down, and the ball is free again. Mossfang is up and he picks up the ball with a steely look of determination on his fine features. He runs a circle around the orcish offensive line and... He doesn't pass it but hands it off to line elf Mlalyn Firefawn, who runs even farther up the field. He makes the pass to Fhorin Bloodmeadow! Touchdown! It's 2-0 for the Wardoves, and not too much time left for the Brutakai Ragefangs to turn this one around.
The Blueriver Wardoves set up for the next drive. They kick it high, and yet another quick snap by the Ragefangs starts off a fierce offensive drive. Xarnak K.O.'s new line elf Finchtalon and the orcs follow the powerful blitzer through the thin elven line. The Doves fall back again, in their third backpedal maneuver, to tie up the Bloodrage Blitzer Brothers. Krak Toothsnapper has the ball, and the orc thrower lobs a big one into the hands of Xarnak Bloodrage. Raziek takes a spill trying to get away from those pesky elves and he knocks his head too hard on the ground I think. He's out cold! The Doves' defense flock in and now Xarnak has been knocked flat. The ball is free, and now it's been picked up by Prok Fleshdrinker. He makes a pass to Kragor Clawfang who seems home-free for the touchdown, but...ohh! That was the whistle! Time's up for this game. Kragor crosses the line anyways, just to show how close he was. Maybe next time Kragor. The Wardoves keep their 2-0 victory against the Ragefangs.
MVPs for this match are being announced now... Stryth Leafmauler for the Blueriver Wardoves for his expertise at the art of Blocking, and Rigor Stonestomper for doing what he could when it mattered. Also of note is the increasingly accurate passes of Ragefangs thrower Krak Toothsnapper and of Fhorin Bloodmeadow with a signature dodge-ending dropkick sure to get him out of the shadow of the speedy Albiir Featherdeath.
I'll be turning off the P.A.G.E. now until the next match I'm scheduled to report. I'm even going to travel with the Wardoves to the next stadium. Should be quite a time!
... It's me again! Activating my trusty magical scribe. Now, to be honest... I didn't really enjoy my trip with the Wardoves. I won't get into details but it involved some strange-tasting wines, horses that smelled a bit TOO nice, and a make-over... for me.
For this next match, the Wardoves are going up against the acclaimed Meathooks in yet another challenge match. The game is taking place in a very impromptu stadium, as the main grounds detonated recently due to structural issues...I don't see how bad architecture can cause explosions, but there you have it. The game is taking place in the surrounding farmlands, and the fresh white paint of the lines is giving off that 'new pitch smell' that I'm sure will be quickly replaced with that 'new horrible sucking chest wound smell'.
Ye gods are there ever a lot of fans. I think the official gate is 35,000. Is that a record? It might be. I can't really tell, but the supportive cheers seems to lean slightly in the Meathooks favour. We'll see if it helps at all.
Still, I can barely see the field, and I'm still trying to find a good spot to watch and...oh! They've begun! I see the ball in the air after the opening kick. I can't even tell who kicked it. Um...this gentleman here says the Wardoves just kicked it. O.K....I'll take his word for it.
I caught a glimpse of the opening play, the orcs have cleared open the elven line and that lumbering troll and the goblin Hammish have moved up. Prince Moranian does an impressive attack and sends the monster to the ground. Hang on...Moranian is here?! It appears so... Goodness. I can barely see anything at all. Oh wait! I see Hammish flying through the air above the horizon of fans I have to contend with. He has the ball! Now everyone is cheering...um...I guess there was a Touchdown! Erm...1-0 Meathooks! Good show!
It's the next kick, I just saw it go up. Oh, hello ladies...I think I just landed in a Killwillow fan club of sorts. Quite the friendly bunch of maidens and...Why are they screaming? Oh my! It seems that Meathooks black orc T-Boner just killed line elf Mlalyn Firefawn! No...No wait...Their apothecary just put his head back on right...He still looks terrible though. Augh! More screams! Bendark Mossfang has just been killed by
My ears are killing me... Too many screaming women... It's like I'm back home. Ok, I see the next kickoff has begun. I'm watching this from the Meathook's dugout. I don't know how I got here, but it's a decent view.
The apothecary is putting him back together, seems his head flew off. Duct tape will fix anything, for certain. The good doctor is going to tell the coach the good news. Ah, seems he was so happy the goblin survived that the coach is coming in here personally to... Oh! Gods no! He's stabbing him! The Meathooks coach is stabbing the poor Bacon Sandwich to death! He's standing over the cooling corpse and proclaims to the poor thing that he's fired. What a cold, unfeeling gree- Uh oh. He saw me. Yipes!
...
... Ok, I seem to be safe now. The half ended while I was running away. Seems the score is still tied at 1-1 at the beginning of the second half. I still can't see over the hordes of fans. I'm sure it's the orcs kicking, there goes the ball. I hear something, Bendark Mossfang, the elf thrower must have picked it up and I see the throw! Touchdown! By who? Oh! It was rising star player Tsih Killwillow! I can tell because I hear those maidens signing his theme song "Ode to Tsih, please sleep with me"... Not a very subtle theme is it? 2-1 Wardoves at any rate.
There goes the elves kicking the ball to the Meathooks. My word! Someone just tossed a rock into the fray! I think I saw Valandil Dreadlily take it in the head! He's down for the moment and
Orcs kicking again... I see the ball in the air. I hear the elf thrower Mossfang calling out his throw, and again I hear Angruil's returning cry. The ball is thrown and again we see a lightning fast touchdown in the very late seconds of the game. Though I guess I only heard that one... Anyway, 3-2 for the Wardoves! There's not but a few seconds left on the clock. The fans are already filing out...
Maybe I can just... Yes! I'm finally at the front of the crowd! I can see clearly the Doves' final play. They've only fielded three linemen against a full line of orcs. The troll and Hammish are on the Widezone, looking very determined still despite a clear loss. The elves in the dugout are already celebrating their third victory of the summer season.
Wait! Stop everything! Hammish has the ball, he's leaping into the troll's waiting grasp! Like hideous green poetry in motion, the goblin is flung through the air and he lands like a... Like a snot-covered tissue in the Wardoves endzone. It's a tie game! 3-3! Hammish turns and drops trou right before the faces of the gawking Wardoves, and makes some very rude actions I'm not sticking around to see!
That took a lot out of me... All that scrambling through the fans. I'm renting a flying carpet next time. Or maybe I'll just scry the whole game. In any case, the MVPs are being announced now. It's Tsih Killwillow for the Blueriver Wardoves, who's acrobatic display always leaves his opponents in the dust, and
Seemed like an exciting game, winning new attention for both teams. This is the MMBBL's official Coach Wrangler, the Magical Mister Mudd signing off. Coming up next, from your regularily scheduled reporter, is the final challenge match between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Traumatic Takedown!
See you there! I'll be watching that one from home...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Chaos Dwarves Weather Khemri Storm; Ragefangs Best Meathooks in Thriller
Week four is underway in the MMBBL, featuring the bone-crushing exploits of the Bloodbath division. Two divisional matches took place last night, as the Bloodsand Blasters squared off against the Traumatic Takedown and the Brutakai Ragefangs faced the Meathooks in a highly anticipated all-orc showdown.
Game one was a quick and dirty affair, marked by multiple miscues on each side. Still, as the first meeting of the two newcomer teams in Bloodbath, it was an exciting contest and the fans ate it up. The chaos dwarf fans, anyway. The skeletal supporters at least had something to chew on.Winning the coin toss, the Takedown elected to receive first. Shorthanded due to the death of line dwarf Third Degree Bernie, a hobgoblin journeyman was brought in to fill the gap, and fit in well enough with his fellow hobs from the get-go.
To start off their possession, Ortho Pnoea lobbed a pas forward to Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon, who chose his running route carefully and patiently, waiting for the right moment to burst downfield. The moment came as Mad Maxilla, frothing at the beard and hooting like a maniac, sent skeleton lackey Gus Sarcopha sprawling to the dirt with a broken jaw. Olecranon seized the opportunity and was a blur down the sideline, with the much slower Khemri forces either oblivious or too slow to stop the score. To the delight of the crowd, hobgoblins Pnoea, Olecranon and Perry Carditis joined together for an emphatic high-fiving in the end zone. Mad Maxilla attempted to assist the festivities, but came up short and had to settle for congratulations from the voices inside his head. After the play, Sarcopha was seen once again on the Blasters' sidelines, having regenerated completely from the wound.
as the next drive started, disaster seemed to strike for the Blasters. The once sunny sky turned dark with rain, and the Khemri team, hard-pressed to pick up the ball even in normal conditions, now had even less of a chance to get their bony fingers around the football. As luck would have it, however, the kick from the Traumatic Takedown was shallow and short, and resulted in a touchback. The ball was given to Cairo Practor, and the Blasters' skeletons quickly moved to surround and protect their chosen carrier.
Now came the powerful mummies to make up for their disappointingly passive performance in their first match. The hits came down hard from the bandaged brutes, knocking out dwarves, hobgoblins and even the mighty centaur Charlie Horse. As the defenders dwindled, Cairo Practor shuffled steadily down the field. The Khemri demonstrated their brutal and unapologetic nature, pressing their newfound numbers advantage and fouling the Takedown with impunity. The officials had been warned beforehand that this was their style, and as a result both Cal Ciferous and Sahket Toomi were ejected from the match for some blatant kickings and stranglings. With the odds no longer so favourable, Cairo Practor stumbled into the end zone as fast as he could, and the score was knotted at one apiece.
To the dismay of the Bloodsand Blasters, the weather began to clear up again once the next drive began. Compounding their chagrin and also the Takedown's joy, nearly every dwarf and hobgoblin who'd been sent off for a nap by the mummies had awakened and returned to the field. The small mercy for the undead was that apparently, Charlie Horse had been hit hard enough to remain asleep. The second half was underway with a truly mediocre kick from the Blasters, making for an an easy pickup and toss by Plex Fracture to the unnamed journeyman. The unfortunate reserve then handed off to Busitis Olecranon, and just in time. No sooner than he had released the football, the hobgoblin was set upon my a frenzied Helter Skeleter. Skeleter, motivated by some possessive force, tore both of the unlucky fellow's arms from their sockets before crushing his skull and absorbing his life force completely. While this soul-stealing may be repulsive to some, it makes for some great water cooler conversations the next day!
The Khemri maiming spree didn't end there. West Nile Cyrus, the bloated, shambling team captain, tackled dwarf blocker Spleenic Pain hard enough to put him in traction for his team's next match. Shortly thereafter, Dirty Suez mauled Plex Fracture and dragged him to he Takedown infirmary himself, tossed him into a cot and muttered "This one ain't done yet" before returning to the game. Fracture did not return before the match's end. With time winding down and not enough line support to break through to the end zone, Bruce Olecranon lobbed a sort one to Perry Carditis and the whistle blew right after the catch. The final score, a one to one tie, but not a bad game by any stretch for either squad.
The MVPs of our first match were the towering Charlie Horse of the Traumatic Takedown, presumably for not being significantly maimed, and Durdurhotep of the Bloodsand Blasters, presumably for threatening the announcers if they said otherwise. When asked how they felt about their dubious awards, Horse responded with a confident "ow", while Durdurhotep bellowed "Daah, my touch corrupts the living!" And proceeded to cover our correspondent with dust. After the match, it was learned that each team had spent its considerable winnings on new players. The Blasters now have a dedicated thrower in the addition of one Hork Ptah, while the Takedown get bigger, meaner, and smellier by signing a second centaur named Dead Leg.
Our second match of the evening was one of the most highly anticipated of the season - green versus green, orc against orc, as the Brutakai Ragefangs and the Meathooks, each coming off a loss, clashed for bragging rights among all orckind. The Ragefangs were tough, but didn't think themselves invincible, and therefore hired on the enormous Ripper Bolgrot to tip the scales for them.
The Ragefangs were set to receive in the clear, warm evening air, though the chants of "D-fence! D-fence!" from the crowd may have soured the mood for them a bit. It certainly didn't throw off the game of Kozu Ironhide, as the black orc throttled Meathooks lineman Lockjaw, putting him out of commission for the Meathooks' next match with an ugly arm fracture. This garnered most of the crowd's attention, even as Krak Toothsnapper hurled a pass to Raziek Bloodrage, who caught the football with practiced ease. The skilled blitzer took off down the field, as all around him Meathooks defenders scrambled, fell, and could only watch as Raziek stormed into the end zone, conveniently posing in front of a poster for his recently-sponsored flavour of sports drink, Razberry Rush. A refreshing start to the game for all those Brutakai "Ragefans" indeed!
The wind picked up a bit as the Meathooks got ready to receive on the next drive, but the errant ball was still scooped up by the plucky Hammish with relative ease. Running quickly into place behind teammate Gristly Slötturhaus, Hammish was picked up by the lumbering troll and chucked down the pitch in a textbook example of a troll having already eaten before the match. Hammish hit the ground safely, but found himself in the midst of the Ragefangs secondary. As quickly as he had landed, Hammish began to regret it as Raziek Bloodrage and Kodish Manhammer bore down on the stunty fellow, sandwiching him and knocking the ball loose. Picking up the lost rock was Gor Knifelicker, who might have made something of a play if not for the distraction caused by Xarnak Bloodrage when the blitzer took a spill at midfield and had to be carted off. Out of the chaos on the line of scrimmage came Beef Bigaxe, the meaty marvel himself, to rob Knifelicker of the ball on his way to the end zone. Raziek made his move to stop the more experienced player, but was shrugged off by the hulking Beef. Bigaxe then had an easy run to the end zone and the score was brought to a tie as the Meathooks captain was showered with assorted delicious (if not identifiable) meat by-products.
With little time left in the first half, a high kick from the Meathooks was caught by Krak Toothsnapper, but without time enough for a sustained drive. The halftime whistle sounded with the score tied at one, and the crowd loving every minute of it.
With the start of the second half came another drive by the Meathooks. A quick snap caught the defense off guard, and Pickles made his move to secure the ball. His handoff to Hamish subsequently failed, however, as the previous mashing dealt to him by the Ragefangs seemed to have left Hammish rattled. Hammish did recover the ball eventually, but was knocked on his backside by Rigor Stonestomper, and the ball bounced neatly back into the line orc's hands. Unfortunately for Stonestomper, the moment was short-lived as Moose Burger came crashing into him from the side, knocking him out cold. Again, Hammish struggled to get ahold of the ball to pass to a wide-open Rip Steakface, but fumbled once more! Kozu Ironhide pressed his advantage in the confusion, sending Hammish reeling and the ball bouncing freely, in and out of the stands, before being picked up by Raziek Bloodrage once more. With the pesky ball out of the way, Ironhide was once again free to pick on Hammish, and the little fellow was hurled into the stands. Luckily he landed among Meathooks fans, who merely teased him as they tossed him down the line to the dugout. Seemingly unstoppable as he cruised down the field, Raziek Bloodrage scored his second touchdown of the match, sending a message to the rest of the MMBBL which clearly said "MVP".
With little time to dilly-dally, the Meathooks looked once more to Hammish to carry their hopes through the cooling evening air. Taking the handoff well from Pickles, Hammish was expertly lobbed to his destiny by Slötturhaus once more...only to completely bail on the landing. Though unharmed beyond a mouthful of dirt, the failed landing gave the Ragefangs a chance to intensify coverage, and in the end, they left the Meathooks no option but to accept defeat. The final score was two to one for the revitalized Brutakai Ragefangs.
MVP accolades were awarded to Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs (a more deserving performance we have yet to see this season) and to T-Boner of the Meathooks, who threw many key blocks in the loss. While the Deathdealer division is being led by the heavily favoured Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, the Bloodbath division is still completely up in the air, with the Bloodsand Blasters owning a narrow lead and the veteran Meathooks sitting in a distant third spot. Anything can happen in the next few weeks, though, so stay tuned for more bone-crunching, blood-letting, and ear-pulling action!
Game one was a quick and dirty affair, marked by multiple miscues on each side. Still, as the first meeting of the two newcomer teams in Bloodbath, it was an exciting contest and the fans ate it up. The chaos dwarf fans, anyway. The skeletal supporters at least had something to chew on.Winning the coin toss, the Takedown elected to receive first. Shorthanded due to the death of line dwarf Third Degree Bernie, a hobgoblin journeyman was brought in to fill the gap, and fit in well enough with his fellow hobs from the get-go.
To start off their possession, Ortho Pnoea lobbed a pas forward to Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon, who chose his running route carefully and patiently, waiting for the right moment to burst downfield. The moment came as Mad Maxilla, frothing at the beard and hooting like a maniac, sent skeleton lackey Gus Sarcopha sprawling to the dirt with a broken jaw. Olecranon seized the opportunity and was a blur down the sideline, with the much slower Khemri forces either oblivious or too slow to stop the score. To the delight of the crowd, hobgoblins Pnoea, Olecranon and Perry Carditis joined together for an emphatic high-fiving in the end zone. Mad Maxilla attempted to assist the festivities, but came up short and had to settle for congratulations from the voices inside his head. After the play, Sarcopha was seen once again on the Blasters' sidelines, having regenerated completely from the wound.
as the next drive started, disaster seemed to strike for the Blasters. The once sunny sky turned dark with rain, and the Khemri team, hard-pressed to pick up the ball even in normal conditions, now had even less of a chance to get their bony fingers around the football. As luck would have it, however, the kick from the Traumatic Takedown was shallow and short, and resulted in a touchback. The ball was given to Cairo Practor, and the Blasters' skeletons quickly moved to surround and protect their chosen carrier.
Now came the powerful mummies to make up for their disappointingly passive performance in their first match. The hits came down hard from the bandaged brutes, knocking out dwarves, hobgoblins and even the mighty centaur Charlie Horse. As the defenders dwindled, Cairo Practor shuffled steadily down the field. The Khemri demonstrated their brutal and unapologetic nature, pressing their newfound numbers advantage and fouling the Takedown with impunity. The officials had been warned beforehand that this was their style, and as a result both Cal Ciferous and Sahket Toomi were ejected from the match for some blatant kickings and stranglings. With the odds no longer so favourable, Cairo Practor stumbled into the end zone as fast as he could, and the score was knotted at one apiece.
To the dismay of the Bloodsand Blasters, the weather began to clear up again once the next drive began. Compounding their chagrin and also the Takedown's joy, nearly every dwarf and hobgoblin who'd been sent off for a nap by the mummies had awakened and returned to the field. The small mercy for the undead was that apparently, Charlie Horse had been hit hard enough to remain asleep. The second half was underway with a truly mediocre kick from the Blasters, making for an an easy pickup and toss by Plex Fracture to the unnamed journeyman. The unfortunate reserve then handed off to Busitis Olecranon, and just in time. No sooner than he had released the football, the hobgoblin was set upon my a frenzied Helter Skeleter. Skeleter, motivated by some possessive force, tore both of the unlucky fellow's arms from their sockets before crushing his skull and absorbing his life force completely. While this soul-stealing may be repulsive to some, it makes for some great water cooler conversations the next day!
The Khemri maiming spree didn't end there. West Nile Cyrus, the bloated, shambling team captain, tackled dwarf blocker Spleenic Pain hard enough to put him in traction for his team's next match. Shortly thereafter, Dirty Suez mauled Plex Fracture and dragged him to he Takedown infirmary himself, tossed him into a cot and muttered "This one ain't done yet" before returning to the game. Fracture did not return before the match's end. With time winding down and not enough line support to break through to the end zone, Bruce Olecranon lobbed a sort one to Perry Carditis and the whistle blew right after the catch. The final score, a one to one tie, but not a bad game by any stretch for either squad.
The MVPs of our first match were the towering Charlie Horse of the Traumatic Takedown, presumably for not being significantly maimed, and Durdurhotep of the Bloodsand Blasters, presumably for threatening the announcers if they said otherwise. When asked how they felt about their dubious awards, Horse responded with a confident "ow", while Durdurhotep bellowed "Daah, my touch corrupts the living!" And proceeded to cover our correspondent with dust. After the match, it was learned that each team had spent its considerable winnings on new players. The Blasters now have a dedicated thrower in the addition of one Hork Ptah, while the Takedown get bigger, meaner, and smellier by signing a second centaur named Dead Leg.
Our second match of the evening was one of the most highly anticipated of the season - green versus green, orc against orc, as the Brutakai Ragefangs and the Meathooks, each coming off a loss, clashed for bragging rights among all orckind. The Ragefangs were tough, but didn't think themselves invincible, and therefore hired on the enormous Ripper Bolgrot to tip the scales for them.
The Ragefangs were set to receive in the clear, warm evening air, though the chants of "D-fence! D-fence!" from the crowd may have soured the mood for them a bit. It certainly didn't throw off the game of Kozu Ironhide, as the black orc throttled Meathooks lineman Lockjaw, putting him out of commission for the Meathooks' next match with an ugly arm fracture. This garnered most of the crowd's attention, even as Krak Toothsnapper hurled a pass to Raziek Bloodrage, who caught the football with practiced ease. The skilled blitzer took off down the field, as all around him Meathooks defenders scrambled, fell, and could only watch as Raziek stormed into the end zone, conveniently posing in front of a poster for his recently-sponsored flavour of sports drink, Razberry Rush. A refreshing start to the game for all those Brutakai "Ragefans" indeed!
The wind picked up a bit as the Meathooks got ready to receive on the next drive, but the errant ball was still scooped up by the plucky Hammish with relative ease. Running quickly into place behind teammate Gristly Slötturhaus, Hammish was picked up by the lumbering troll and chucked down the pitch in a textbook example of a troll having already eaten before the match. Hammish hit the ground safely, but found himself in the midst of the Ragefangs secondary. As quickly as he had landed, Hammish began to regret it as Raziek Bloodrage and Kodish Manhammer bore down on the stunty fellow, sandwiching him and knocking the ball loose. Picking up the lost rock was Gor Knifelicker, who might have made something of a play if not for the distraction caused by Xarnak Bloodrage when the blitzer took a spill at midfield and had to be carted off. Out of the chaos on the line of scrimmage came Beef Bigaxe, the meaty marvel himself, to rob Knifelicker of the ball on his way to the end zone. Raziek made his move to stop the more experienced player, but was shrugged off by the hulking Beef. Bigaxe then had an easy run to the end zone and the score was brought to a tie as the Meathooks captain was showered with assorted delicious (if not identifiable) meat by-products.
With little time left in the first half, a high kick from the Meathooks was caught by Krak Toothsnapper, but without time enough for a sustained drive. The halftime whistle sounded with the score tied at one, and the crowd loving every minute of it.
With the start of the second half came another drive by the Meathooks. A quick snap caught the defense off guard, and Pickles made his move to secure the ball. His handoff to Hamish subsequently failed, however, as the previous mashing dealt to him by the Ragefangs seemed to have left Hammish rattled. Hammish did recover the ball eventually, but was knocked on his backside by Rigor Stonestomper, and the ball bounced neatly back into the line orc's hands. Unfortunately for Stonestomper, the moment was short-lived as Moose Burger came crashing into him from the side, knocking him out cold. Again, Hammish struggled to get ahold of the ball to pass to a wide-open Rip Steakface, but fumbled once more! Kozu Ironhide pressed his advantage in the confusion, sending Hammish reeling and the ball bouncing freely, in and out of the stands, before being picked up by Raziek Bloodrage once more. With the pesky ball out of the way, Ironhide was once again free to pick on Hammish, and the little fellow was hurled into the stands. Luckily he landed among Meathooks fans, who merely teased him as they tossed him down the line to the dugout. Seemingly unstoppable as he cruised down the field, Raziek Bloodrage scored his second touchdown of the match, sending a message to the rest of the MMBBL which clearly said "MVP".
With little time to dilly-dally, the Meathooks looked once more to Hammish to carry their hopes through the cooling evening air. Taking the handoff well from Pickles, Hammish was expertly lobbed to his destiny by Slötturhaus once more...only to completely bail on the landing. Though unharmed beyond a mouthful of dirt, the failed landing gave the Ragefangs a chance to intensify coverage, and in the end, they left the Meathooks no option but to accept defeat. The final score was two to one for the revitalized Brutakai Ragefangs.
MVP accolades were awarded to Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs (a more deserving performance we have yet to see this season) and to T-Boner of the Meathooks, who threw many key blocks in the loss. While the Deathdealer division is being led by the heavily favoured Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, the Bloodbath division is still completely up in the air, with the Bloodsand Blasters owning a narrow lead and the veteran Meathooks sitting in a distant third spot. Anything can happen in the next few weeks, though, so stay tuned for more bone-crunching, blood-letting, and ear-pulling action!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
A Battle with Honour, but not Humanity
It's Magical Mister Mudd, also known as the "Coach Wrangler" here to report with last weekend's exciting challenge match issued by the Brutakai Ragefangs to the Blueriver Wardoves.
As the seats fill, I looked down from my VIP seats with the other officials and notice for the first time a majority of the fans with Ragefang colours. We chuckle from our vantage point seeing some Orc fans react to the bittersweet sight of non-orc Ragefans (as they've come to be known) with green face paint as well as their jerseys and flags. All that the Brutakai-natives on the pitch really care about, though, is that they had the majority of the fans support in the crowd of 26 thousand.
The coin toss lands in orc favour, and they choose to kick. The pigskin is sent high and lands in the hands of Bendark Mossfang, the Wardoves' star Thrower. He sends a signal to the front lines and the Wardoves slip into the throng of the Ragefang defensive line. The orcs pile on Tsih Killwillow, knowing the Catcher's reputation, but Mossfang makes the pass to Sutlan Spearflower, who sprints down the field for the first touchdown.
The Ragefangs receive next, and their offensive drive starts brutally. While the elves put up their best counterattack, the orcs secure the ball in a tight cage. The Wardoves dance around the edges of the Ragefang formation as they push their muscle-bound green wall forward. Meanwhile, down the field the orc blitzer Xarnak Bloodrage tries to get out into the open. Before he is able, the Wardoves make a desperate play, knocking the cage inwards on itself and sending the ball popping out into the air. Mossfang is there in a flash and hurtles it to Spearflower for the second Wardoves touchdown.
At this point I am unable to see the field. It seems that within the stands the tensions between the orc fans and the green-painted non-orcs have been arguing. Clearly the orcs were offended, but the painted non-orcs were staunch in their right to "properly show their love for the team" and before you know it, we have a riot on our hands. It's an action-packed fight, let me tell you, but the ref leaves the clock running while he goes to sort out the chaos and by the time things have settled down, the half is nearly over! Only a few blocks get thrown before the whistle signals halftime.
Down two to nothing, the Brutakai Ragefangs receive at the start of the 2nd half. Thrower Krak Toothsnapper tries to quickly gain possession of the ball, but trips and upsets their offensive drive. With that, the Wardoves slip into orc territory, forcing them to backpedal to form a defense around the ball. More elves and orcs move into place, and it becomes a brawl, both sides dishing out the hurt. Somehow during the chaos, the ball is sent into the crowd. A helpful fan throws it back in and it hot potatoes around the brawl until finally landing into a greenskin hand. Good ol' Bendyrm Cloudrender runs in to try to get at the ball, held by Rigor Stonestomper and gets it right down his throat. He lays still on the field, though eventually the Apothecary patches him up just fine, saving him a potentially career-ending injury.
Down the field Raziek Bloodrage finally gets the upper hand against the elf defense, and is able to move freely. Given that opportunity he kicks at the fallen form of Mlalyn Firefawn, but the referee sees him plainly and sends the blitzer off for the remainder of the game. The Wardoves manage to get the ball out from the brawl; Stryth Leafmauler picks it up and tries tossing it downfield to Tanthil Twigbreaker's waiting hands, but misses by a mile! Tsih makes a 'tsk tsk' noise, sighs and shows the lineman how it's done, lobbing the pass himself to Twigbreaker, allowing the elf to give the Wardoves their third touchdown of the game!
The kick is received by the Ragefangs again, and while it's in the air some superstitious fans decides to chuck rocks at both teams' #3 players (Twigbreaker and Stonestomper), stunning them both. Holo Axegut, orc thrower, picks up the ball, but it seems the fan that threw it back in had left some greasy smears on it and it falls at his feet when he tries to throw it to Xarnak Bloodrage. Quickly, he picks it up again, wipes it on his tunic and lobs it into Mr.Bloodrage's waiting hands. The Ragefangs' play goes smoothly, but the Wardoves form a wall around the advancing orcs, costing them their last chance at a touchdown. Hoping to join the defensive line, Sutlan Spearflower turns on the speed and suddenly trips on a discarded ale bottle and takes a headfirst dive onto the pitch with a wet crack! The officials run to the still form of the catcher that had done so much for the Wardoves this game, and as they turn him over, it is apparent that he is dead. He had landed on a spiked plate that must have fallen off of an orc at some point. and the pointy end went into the part he needs to breathe with. The female fans (and some males) cry freely and without shame as the last half comes to a close, violence dished out on all sides.
A bittersweet victory for the Blueriver Wardoves, three to nothing. Much thanks to Sir Spearflower, who is largely to blame for the win. Tsih promises to the press that he'll take it upon himself to console the many women that were in love with Sutlan, and offers them all the keys to his penthouse suite. He goes on to show off his new acrobatic catching technique as he slides in to catch a feinting elven maiden after throwing her a wink. The Ragefangs, despite their loss, bow honorably to their opponents before taking their leave.
MVPs for the match were Xarnak Bloodrage for the orcs, for always being there to assist a block, and Albiir Featherdeath of the elves, for his usual exemplary performance as the team's star blitzer. I think it's becoming clear that Fhorin Bloodmeadow is a bit jealous of his partner in blitzing's prowess, but we'll see if that rivalry is healthy or not. Also to note is Rigor Stonestomper, who got the rock in the noggin earlier, found that superstitious fan and proved that he's not going to be knocked down so easily in the future. The #3 player for the elves, Tanthil Twigbreaker, had similar sentiments, but showed it by getting a whole new set of armour that will shine in the sun in their upcoming game against the skaven speedsters: the Bilgerunners. See you there folks!
Edit: This just in! I was just informed that the Blueriver Wardoves have already replaced their fallen Catcher. Please welcome Angruil Grimmrose to the High Elven roster! Will he be able to replace the late Spearflower, or will he forever live in the shadow to star player Tsih Killwillow, much like Bloodmeadow seems to have fallen far behind Featherdeath? As the drama unfolds, keep a close watch on the next match folks!
As the seats fill, I looked down from my VIP seats with the other officials and notice for the first time a majority of the fans with Ragefang colours. We chuckle from our vantage point seeing some Orc fans react to the bittersweet sight of non-orc Ragefans (as they've come to be known) with green face paint as well as their jerseys and flags. All that the Brutakai-natives on the pitch really care about, though, is that they had the majority of the fans support in the crowd of 26 thousand.
The coin toss lands in orc favour, and they choose to kick. The pigskin is sent high and lands in the hands of Bendark Mossfang, the Wardoves' star Thrower. He sends a signal to the front lines and the Wardoves slip into the throng of the Ragefang defensive line. The orcs pile on Tsih Killwillow, knowing the Catcher's reputation, but Mossfang makes the pass to Sutlan Spearflower, who sprints down the field for the first touchdown.
The Ragefangs receive next, and their offensive drive starts brutally. While the elves put up their best counterattack, the orcs secure the ball in a tight cage. The Wardoves dance around the edges of the Ragefang formation as they push their muscle-bound green wall forward. Meanwhile, down the field the orc blitzer Xarnak Bloodrage tries to get out into the open. Before he is able, the Wardoves make a desperate play, knocking the cage inwards on itself and sending the ball popping out into the air. Mossfang is there in a flash and hurtles it to Spearflower for the second Wardoves touchdown.
At this point I am unable to see the field. It seems that within the stands the tensions between the orc fans and the green-painted non-orcs have been arguing. Clearly the orcs were offended, but the painted non-orcs were staunch in their right to "properly show their love for the team" and before you know it, we have a riot on our hands. It's an action-packed fight, let me tell you, but the ref leaves the clock running while he goes to sort out the chaos and by the time things have settled down, the half is nearly over! Only a few blocks get thrown before the whistle signals halftime.
Down two to nothing, the Brutakai Ragefangs receive at the start of the 2nd half. Thrower Krak Toothsnapper tries to quickly gain possession of the ball, but trips and upsets their offensive drive. With that, the Wardoves slip into orc territory, forcing them to backpedal to form a defense around the ball. More elves and orcs move into place, and it becomes a brawl, both sides dishing out the hurt. Somehow during the chaos, the ball is sent into the crowd. A helpful fan throws it back in and it hot potatoes around the brawl until finally landing into a greenskin hand. Good ol' Bendyrm Cloudrender runs in to try to get at the ball, held by Rigor Stonestomper and gets it right down his throat. He lays still on the field, though eventually the Apothecary patches him up just fine, saving him a potentially career-ending injury.
Down the field Raziek Bloodrage finally gets the upper hand against the elf defense, and is able to move freely. Given that opportunity he kicks at the fallen form of Mlalyn Firefawn, but the referee sees him plainly and sends the blitzer off for the remainder of the game. The Wardoves manage to get the ball out from the brawl; Stryth Leafmauler picks it up and tries tossing it downfield to Tanthil Twigbreaker's waiting hands, but misses by a mile! Tsih makes a 'tsk tsk' noise, sighs and shows the lineman how it's done, lobbing the pass himself to Twigbreaker, allowing the elf to give the Wardoves their third touchdown of the game!
The kick is received by the Ragefangs again, and while it's in the air some superstitious fans decides to chuck rocks at both teams' #3 players (Twigbreaker and Stonestomper), stunning them both. Holo Axegut, orc thrower, picks up the ball, but it seems the fan that threw it back in had left some greasy smears on it and it falls at his feet when he tries to throw it to Xarnak Bloodrage. Quickly, he picks it up again, wipes it on his tunic and lobs it into Mr.Bloodrage's waiting hands. The Ragefangs' play goes smoothly, but the Wardoves form a wall around the advancing orcs, costing them their last chance at a touchdown. Hoping to join the defensive line, Sutlan Spearflower turns on the speed and suddenly trips on a discarded ale bottle and takes a headfirst dive onto the pitch with a wet crack! The officials run to the still form of the catcher that had done so much for the Wardoves this game, and as they turn him over, it is apparent that he is dead. He had landed on a spiked plate that must have fallen off of an orc at some point. and the pointy end went into the part he needs to breathe with. The female fans (and some males) cry freely and without shame as the last half comes to a close, violence dished out on all sides.
A bittersweet victory for the Blueriver Wardoves, three to nothing. Much thanks to Sir Spearflower, who is largely to blame for the win. Tsih promises to the press that he'll take it upon himself to console the many women that were in love with Sutlan, and offers them all the keys to his penthouse suite. He goes on to show off his new acrobatic catching technique as he slides in to catch a feinting elven maiden after throwing her a wink. The Ragefangs, despite their loss, bow honorably to their opponents before taking their leave.
MVPs for the match were Xarnak Bloodrage for the orcs, for always being there to assist a block, and Albiir Featherdeath of the elves, for his usual exemplary performance as the team's star blitzer. I think it's becoming clear that Fhorin Bloodmeadow is a bit jealous of his partner in blitzing's prowess, but we'll see if that rivalry is healthy or not. Also to note is Rigor Stonestomper, who got the rock in the noggin earlier, found that superstitious fan and proved that he's not going to be knocked down so easily in the future. The #3 player for the elves, Tanthil Twigbreaker, had similar sentiments, but showed it by getting a whole new set of armour that will shine in the sun in their upcoming game against the skaven speedsters: the Bilgerunners. See you there folks!
Edit: This just in! I was just informed that the Blueriver Wardoves have already replaced their fallen Catcher. Please welcome Angruil Grimmrose to the High Elven roster! Will he be able to replace the late Spearflower, or will he forever live in the shadow to star player Tsih Killwillow, much like Bloodmeadow seems to have fallen far behind Featherdeath? As the drama unfolds, keep a close watch on the next match folks!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Brutal Brawls Out of Bloodbath
This past Tuesday saw the Bloodbath division of the MMBBL kick off its Blood Bowl regular season, and brutality was the name of the game in both cases.
Game one saw the Bloodsand Blasters rise up to meet the green juggernaut of the Meathooks. Fielding four mummies and a handful of skeletons, the Blasters were nearly a match for the swelling ranks of the Meathooks in terms of strength. To tip the scales, Ramtut III was brought in to contain the mighty Gristly Slötturhaus, and for added carnage, the professionally deranged Hack Enslash was brought on board with his trusty, rusty chainsaw. The weather was gorgeous, and the prevailing wind came from the legions of Meathooks fans who greatly outnumbered those who came to see the Khemri squad. The undead won the coin toss and elected to receive first.
As the ball came down, it seemed as though both teams forgot it was even in play. As the match began, foul after unrepentant foul was committed by both sides, and only Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters and Lockjaw of the Meathooks were ejected from the game by the officials. Immediately afterwards, mummy Durdurhotep throttled the mighty Beef Bigaxe, knocking the blitzer out for the remainder of the game. Indeed, much of the game devolved from the usual fare of coordinated, planned-out plays into several isolated brawls all over the pitch. In the confusion, a pass attempt by skeleton Mister Urns went largely unnoticed when it failed to even leave his bony hand properly. Still, the carnage played on and with help from his teammates Dusty Tombs and Helter Skeleter, Urns managed to recover the ball and begin a slow, inexorable drive downfield. It seemed that perhaps line orc Chip Bonesaw might break free from mummy coverage to stop the shambling skeleton, but his escape was foiled when he tripped in a pile of wrappings that Battering Ramses had been trailing behind himself. The orc fell hard to the ground and had to be carted off field. Reports show that Bonesaw will be missing the team's next match due to his injuries. With nothing else to stop him, Mister Urns staggered into the end zone at last, and the stands erupted with the clatter of bone colliding with bone, in what we believe is an undead approximation of clapping. The half ended with the score 1-0 for the upstart Bloodsand Blasters.
After halftime, the Meathooks emerged from their locker room with a look of steady resolve as well as matching pairs of brass knuckles. They received the kickoff and set about closing the unlikely gap between themselves and victory, and planned to use the bones of their enemies to build their road to success. First, skeleton Sahket Toomi was dismembered while breaking free of coverage, leaving his arm on the pitch. As he broke down the field, he was set upon by Pickles the thrower, who had not only retrieved the lost limb, but was very forcefully giving it back to the skeleton until he had to be dragged off in a bag. Pickles was immediately thereafter scolded from on high for his actions, when a bolt of lightning struck him down, not injured, but a bit crispy. Following his quarterback's lead, T-Boner brought his sizable frame to bear against Helter Skeleter, clobbering the hapless boneman into submission along the sidelines. In his frenzy, however, T-Boner didn't notice Battering Ramses' approach and paid for it by being sent crashing into the stands.
Not much later, the surprisingly ineffective Hack Enslash, having discovered that his chainsaw didn't even have a chain on it, knelt down to repair the machine. He was immediately sat upon by the corpulent Beefquake and the goblin spatula squad came out to drag him away. Still further casualties came from the orcish onslaught, and Cal Ciferous found himself getting rattled by line orc Rip Steakface. Miraculously, each and every Blasters player who was mangled regenerated completely from his wounds, or at least dug up enough parts to replace what was broken. All the while, Ramtut III was keeping the Meathooks' troll well in check, and the two goblins, Hammish and Bacon Sandwich were left with only the running option to keep themselves both alive and in contention. Accompanied by Pickles and Steakface, the wily green guys hustled down the sidelines only to be accosted abruptly by the mummies West Nile Cyrus and Old Giza. Unable to complete their running route and with the ball in danger getting put out of reach, the green group shoved Hammish into harm's way, where he miraculously got ahold of the prize and lobbed it downfield into the end zone. With the game on the line and time nearly up, Only Ramrod Meatmissile had a chance to save the day. Blitzing through what remained of the skeleton defenders, Meatmissile used every ounce of strength to make it to the end zone - and then bobbled the ball when he got there. The game was over, and the only thing the line orc could do was cover his head and run off to the locker room as the crowd rained bricks, bottles and bones onto the pitch below.
The match MVP awards went to Old Giza of the Bloodsand Blasters and to Chip Bonesaw of the Meathooks. The low-scoring, violent affair was remarkable for the lack of permanent injuries, and the Blasters, though glad of the victory, seemed disheartened at the lack of bloodshed. Perhaps they'll get a chance in the future?
On now to our second match of the day, with Bloodbath division's other rookie squad, the Traumatic Takedown squaring off against the more skilled Brutakai Ragefangs. Sunny weather prevailed here as well, and the majority of the fans in the stands were here to see the mysterious chaos dwarf team and learn more about them (at least more than our goblin correspondent was able to glean).
The Ragefangs received first, and immediately made plans to get Xarnak Bloodrage into the end zone for the touchdown. Almost home free down the sideline, Bloodrage was blindsided by Charlie Horse, the Takedown's towering centaur. The orc was sent flying into the bleachers, while the centaur recovered the ball and made his way across the pitch and downfield. Unfortunately for himself, Horse got greedy and took a bad step, crashing to the earth in a heap. out of nowhere came the other Bloodrage brother, Raziek, who picked up the football, plowed through hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea and strode unchallenged into the end zone. One to nothing for the Ragefangs on a great effort by their favourite son!
Setting up for the next kickoff, the Ragefangs were caught off guard by a fan who evidently had no love for the Bloodrage brothers, hurling a boot at Raziek to get him off the pitch. Luckily for Raziek, line orc Kodish Manhammer stuck his head up to survey the pitch, and took the boot squarely on the temple. His unwitting sacrifice got a round of applause from the Ragefangs faithful and a lone "'at were meant fer tha skilly-un, ye soddy gobber!" from who we assume was the would-be cobbler-assassin. The half ended without further scoring, however.
As the second half started and the ball was kicked, it was retrieved by hobgoblin Perry Carditis, who made a quick shovel pass to fellow hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea. Setting out to stop the playmakers and perhaps emerge from the shadow of the other two blitzers on his team, Prok Fleshdrinker made an assault on Carditis, but somehow was thrown to the dirt himself, howling in pain. The medics went to work on him, but it appears he'll be missing his next match with an upper body injury. The ball did get knocked loose however, only to be recovered once more by Perry Carditis. Though young and inexperienced, Carditis may have the makings of a skilled thrower. he reinforced this possibility with another short lob to Pnoea, who scrambled his way to the end zone to tie the game at one.
The loss of the lead saw the "rage" in the Ragefangs rise to the top, beginning as Kozu Ironhide laid a hammer punch down on the until-now successful Carditis, who was dragged off for the rest of the match. Kragor Clawfang followed suit, pummeling Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon into the mud and out of contention. Still not satisfied and possibly as revenge for the shot at his brother, Xarnak Bloodrage battered line dwarf Spleenic Pain and the stretcher came out yet again. In a final retaliation, however, Rip Tendon hoisted line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath over the waist-high guardrail (dwarf height being what it is) and dumped him into an uproarious crowd of Traumatic Takedown fans, who knocked the orc out by chucking him through the roof of the Ragefangs' infirmary. With the game degenerating into a pro-wrestling tryout, the clock ran down and the match ended in a draw.
The match MVPs were Busitis Olecranon for the Traumatic Takedown, and Rigor Stonestomper, line orc of the Brutakai Ragefangs. Kragor Clawfang, who recently won the Silver Lining as the fan MVP choice, was also given a nod for his clutch ball-stripping skills which may have prevented a second score from the Takedown.
Now that everyone's tasted blood with our first two weeks under our belts, we can look forward to this Sunday when a trio of challenge matches will get underway! First, the Blackwater Bilgerunners have thrown down the gauntlet against the Traumatic Takedown. Second, the Smash and Go'nads demand satisfaction against the Meathooks! And finally, the Brutakai Ragefangs look to pen another chapter in the ageless conflict of Orc and Elf against the Blueriver Wardoves! We'll see you there, don't forget your team colours and favourite heavy object!
Game one saw the Bloodsand Blasters rise up to meet the green juggernaut of the Meathooks. Fielding four mummies and a handful of skeletons, the Blasters were nearly a match for the swelling ranks of the Meathooks in terms of strength. To tip the scales, Ramtut III was brought in to contain the mighty Gristly Slötturhaus, and for added carnage, the professionally deranged Hack Enslash was brought on board with his trusty, rusty chainsaw. The weather was gorgeous, and the prevailing wind came from the legions of Meathooks fans who greatly outnumbered those who came to see the Khemri squad. The undead won the coin toss and elected to receive first.
As the ball came down, it seemed as though both teams forgot it was even in play. As the match began, foul after unrepentant foul was committed by both sides, and only Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters and Lockjaw of the Meathooks were ejected from the game by the officials. Immediately afterwards, mummy Durdurhotep throttled the mighty Beef Bigaxe, knocking the blitzer out for the remainder of the game. Indeed, much of the game devolved from the usual fare of coordinated, planned-out plays into several isolated brawls all over the pitch. In the confusion, a pass attempt by skeleton Mister Urns went largely unnoticed when it failed to even leave his bony hand properly. Still, the carnage played on and with help from his teammates Dusty Tombs and Helter Skeleter, Urns managed to recover the ball and begin a slow, inexorable drive downfield. It seemed that perhaps line orc Chip Bonesaw might break free from mummy coverage to stop the shambling skeleton, but his escape was foiled when he tripped in a pile of wrappings that Battering Ramses had been trailing behind himself. The orc fell hard to the ground and had to be carted off field. Reports show that Bonesaw will be missing the team's next match due to his injuries. With nothing else to stop him, Mister Urns staggered into the end zone at last, and the stands erupted with the clatter of bone colliding with bone, in what we believe is an undead approximation of clapping. The half ended with the score 1-0 for the upstart Bloodsand Blasters.
After halftime, the Meathooks emerged from their locker room with a look of steady resolve as well as matching pairs of brass knuckles. They received the kickoff and set about closing the unlikely gap between themselves and victory, and planned to use the bones of their enemies to build their road to success. First, skeleton Sahket Toomi was dismembered while breaking free of coverage, leaving his arm on the pitch. As he broke down the field, he was set upon by Pickles the thrower, who had not only retrieved the lost limb, but was very forcefully giving it back to the skeleton until he had to be dragged off in a bag. Pickles was immediately thereafter scolded from on high for his actions, when a bolt of lightning struck him down, not injured, but a bit crispy. Following his quarterback's lead, T-Boner brought his sizable frame to bear against Helter Skeleter, clobbering the hapless boneman into submission along the sidelines. In his frenzy, however, T-Boner didn't notice Battering Ramses' approach and paid for it by being sent crashing into the stands.
Not much later, the surprisingly ineffective Hack Enslash, having discovered that his chainsaw didn't even have a chain on it, knelt down to repair the machine. He was immediately sat upon by the corpulent Beefquake and the goblin spatula squad came out to drag him away. Still further casualties came from the orcish onslaught, and Cal Ciferous found himself getting rattled by line orc Rip Steakface. Miraculously, each and every Blasters player who was mangled regenerated completely from his wounds, or at least dug up enough parts to replace what was broken. All the while, Ramtut III was keeping the Meathooks' troll well in check, and the two goblins, Hammish and Bacon Sandwich were left with only the running option to keep themselves both alive and in contention. Accompanied by Pickles and Steakface, the wily green guys hustled down the sidelines only to be accosted abruptly by the mummies West Nile Cyrus and Old Giza. Unable to complete their running route and with the ball in danger getting put out of reach, the green group shoved Hammish into harm's way, where he miraculously got ahold of the prize and lobbed it downfield into the end zone. With the game on the line and time nearly up, Only Ramrod Meatmissile had a chance to save the day. Blitzing through what remained of the skeleton defenders, Meatmissile used every ounce of strength to make it to the end zone - and then bobbled the ball when he got there. The game was over, and the only thing the line orc could do was cover his head and run off to the locker room as the crowd rained bricks, bottles and bones onto the pitch below.
The match MVP awards went to Old Giza of the Bloodsand Blasters and to Chip Bonesaw of the Meathooks. The low-scoring, violent affair was remarkable for the lack of permanent injuries, and the Blasters, though glad of the victory, seemed disheartened at the lack of bloodshed. Perhaps they'll get a chance in the future?
On now to our second match of the day, with Bloodbath division's other rookie squad, the Traumatic Takedown squaring off against the more skilled Brutakai Ragefangs. Sunny weather prevailed here as well, and the majority of the fans in the stands were here to see the mysterious chaos dwarf team and learn more about them (at least more than our goblin correspondent was able to glean).
The Ragefangs received first, and immediately made plans to get Xarnak Bloodrage into the end zone for the touchdown. Almost home free down the sideline, Bloodrage was blindsided by Charlie Horse, the Takedown's towering centaur. The orc was sent flying into the bleachers, while the centaur recovered the ball and made his way across the pitch and downfield. Unfortunately for himself, Horse got greedy and took a bad step, crashing to the earth in a heap. out of nowhere came the other Bloodrage brother, Raziek, who picked up the football, plowed through hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea and strode unchallenged into the end zone. One to nothing for the Ragefangs on a great effort by their favourite son!
Setting up for the next kickoff, the Ragefangs were caught off guard by a fan who evidently had no love for the Bloodrage brothers, hurling a boot at Raziek to get him off the pitch. Luckily for Raziek, line orc Kodish Manhammer stuck his head up to survey the pitch, and took the boot squarely on the temple. His unwitting sacrifice got a round of applause from the Ragefangs faithful and a lone "'at were meant fer tha skilly-un, ye soddy gobber!" from who we assume was the would-be cobbler-assassin. The half ended without further scoring, however.
As the second half started and the ball was kicked, it was retrieved by hobgoblin Perry Carditis, who made a quick shovel pass to fellow hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea. Setting out to stop the playmakers and perhaps emerge from the shadow of the other two blitzers on his team, Prok Fleshdrinker made an assault on Carditis, but somehow was thrown to the dirt himself, howling in pain. The medics went to work on him, but it appears he'll be missing his next match with an upper body injury. The ball did get knocked loose however, only to be recovered once more by Perry Carditis. Though young and inexperienced, Carditis may have the makings of a skilled thrower. he reinforced this possibility with another short lob to Pnoea, who scrambled his way to the end zone to tie the game at one.
The loss of the lead saw the "rage" in the Ragefangs rise to the top, beginning as Kozu Ironhide laid a hammer punch down on the until-now successful Carditis, who was dragged off for the rest of the match. Kragor Clawfang followed suit, pummeling Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon into the mud and out of contention. Still not satisfied and possibly as revenge for the shot at his brother, Xarnak Bloodrage battered line dwarf Spleenic Pain and the stretcher came out yet again. In a final retaliation, however, Rip Tendon hoisted line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath over the waist-high guardrail (dwarf height being what it is) and dumped him into an uproarious crowd of Traumatic Takedown fans, who knocked the orc out by chucking him through the roof of the Ragefangs' infirmary. With the game degenerating into a pro-wrestling tryout, the clock ran down and the match ended in a draw.
The match MVPs were Busitis Olecranon for the Traumatic Takedown, and Rigor Stonestomper, line orc of the Brutakai Ragefangs. Kragor Clawfang, who recently won the Silver Lining as the fan MVP choice, was also given a nod for his clutch ball-stripping skills which may have prevented a second score from the Takedown.
Now that everyone's tasted blood with our first two weeks under our belts, we can look forward to this Sunday when a trio of challenge matches will get underway! First, the Blackwater Bilgerunners have thrown down the gauntlet against the Traumatic Takedown. Second, the Smash and Go'nads demand satisfaction against the Meathooks! And finally, the Brutakai Ragefangs look to pen another chapter in the ageless conflict of Orc and Elf against the Blueriver Wardoves! We'll see you there, don't forget your team colours and favourite heavy object!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
The 2008 Chaos Cup Awards Ceremony
Hello out there, sportsfiends, and welcome to the first awards ceremony for the Chaos Cup in the MMBBL. We've got some familiar faces as well as several newcomers receiving awards this season. Illustrations will follow as they come in.
The League MVP award this season goes to - who else? Ol' Teabagger of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters blew the competition away with 27 total player points this season, and despite taking a bit of a tumble in his last match, is sure to return and put up big numbers again for the Blood Bowl.
The "In the Zone" Award for most touchdowns in a season goes to the O.T.B. as well, and while others came close, the ghoul's seven scores brought home the trophy. Leaping, dashing and biting his way out of coverage, it seems nothing will stop the one they call The Man from duplicating his success in the future.
The Commissioner's Medal of Exemplary Brutality, presented to the player who caused the most destruction out on the field this season, is presented to the mummy Khermit of the Dirt Bursters. Khermit equals the total put up by Gort Crudhammer last season, and the two may chase each other to next season's award.
Receiving the Silver Elbow this season for most completed passes is Lance Freely of the Fly-by Knights with an impressive nine throws landing safely in his receivers' hands. Watch for this award to be heavily contested next season, as more agile teams take the pitch and less emphasis (albeit only slightly less) is placed on crushing.
The Brass Doorknob award for Undeniable Interference, which goes to the player with the most interceptions, almost didn't have a winner this year. Not a single interception was made all season, until by some strange twist of fate, a ball was thrown directly into the pointy headgear of the Meathooks' T-Boner, and the officials ruled it a pickoff. Congratulations T-Boner, though we don't particularly expect more of the same.
Awarded the Silver Lining this year for the most game MVP awards is the Brutakai Ragefangs' own Kragor Clawfang, who somehow earned three of the awards in only five games. Either the fans really, really love him, or they just don't much care for anyone else. Perhaps he has the look? Perhaps he's got all the right moves. Perhaps he fixed the vote. In any case, he's won the cape!
Finally, the Big Fat Zero, the dubious Why Bother award, presented to the lazy, unfortunate, or otherwise ineffective player who earned nothing this season but a smack in the mouth from his coach, goes to Bacon Sandwich of the Meathooks. Sandwich made zero passes, zero interceptions, zero hits, zero blocks, zero touchdowns, zero impressions, and from all accounts zero effort on his way to the award this year. When pressed for comment, his response was limited to "don't hit me!"
And there you have it folks! The best of the best, the worst of the worst. The skilled and the lucky. The strong, the swift, the rough and the smooth. These are your 2008 Chaos Cup award recipients!
Don't forget, sportsfiends, the Blood Bowl season begins in one week! Time to hammer the dents out of the barbecue and grill up some squig dogs! See you then!
The League MVP award this season goes to - who else? Ol' Teabagger of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters blew the competition away with 27 total player points this season, and despite taking a bit of a tumble in his last match, is sure to return and put up big numbers again for the Blood Bowl.
The "In the Zone" Award for most touchdowns in a season goes to the O.T.B. as well, and while others came close, the ghoul's seven scores brought home the trophy. Leaping, dashing and biting his way out of coverage, it seems nothing will stop the one they call The Man from duplicating his success in the future.
The Commissioner's Medal of Exemplary Brutality, presented to the player who caused the most destruction out on the field this season, is presented to the mummy Khermit of the Dirt Bursters. Khermit equals the total put up by Gort Crudhammer last season, and the two may chase each other to next season's award.
Receiving the Silver Elbow this season for most completed passes is Lance Freely of the Fly-by Knights with an impressive nine throws landing safely in his receivers' hands. Watch for this award to be heavily contested next season, as more agile teams take the pitch and less emphasis (albeit only slightly less) is placed on crushing.
The Brass Doorknob award for Undeniable Interference, which goes to the player with the most interceptions, almost didn't have a winner this year. Not a single interception was made all season, until by some strange twist of fate, a ball was thrown directly into the pointy headgear of the Meathooks' T-Boner, and the officials ruled it a pickoff. Congratulations T-Boner, though we don't particularly expect more of the same.
Awarded the Silver Lining this year for the most game MVP awards is the Brutakai Ragefangs' own Kragor Clawfang, who somehow earned three of the awards in only five games. Either the fans really, really love him, or they just don't much care for anyone else. Perhaps he has the look? Perhaps he's got all the right moves. Perhaps he fixed the vote. In any case, he's won the cape!
Finally, the Big Fat Zero, the dubious Why Bother award, presented to the lazy, unfortunate, or otherwise ineffective player who earned nothing this season but a smack in the mouth from his coach, goes to Bacon Sandwich of the Meathooks. Sandwich made zero passes, zero interceptions, zero hits, zero blocks, zero touchdowns, zero impressions, and from all accounts zero effort on his way to the award this year. When pressed for comment, his response was limited to "don't hit me!"
And there you have it folks! The best of the best, the worst of the worst. The skilled and the lucky. The strong, the swift, the rough and the smooth. These are your 2008 Chaos Cup award recipients!
Don't forget, sportsfiends, the Blood Bowl season begins in one week! Time to hammer the dents out of the barbecue and grill up some squig dogs! See you then!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Knights' Receivers Excel, Go'Nads Spoil Wardoves' Victory
Sit down and listen up, sportsfiends, it's time for the latest MMBBL action update! This week saw two exciting matches, in which the teams involved played for more than victory in the Chaos Cup (which has effectively been won by the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters as of last week). Honour, Pride, and of course, lives were on the line for these two thrilling games.
In the week's first match, the underachieving (by their own standards, at least) Fly-by Knights took to the field against the fierce and committed Brutakai Ragefangs. The Ragefangs, while off to a slow start in the points and wins categories, have shown impressive resolve and a deep commitment to the gritty, unapologetic nature of Blood Bowl. For their part, the Knights have rallied around their own flags even as the series slips out of reach - both the tireless legs and enthusiasm of youth and the stalwart resolve and patience of age have served them well in recent matches. With chins and spirits high, these two collective juggernauts of willpower collide - which will come away with the W?
Receiving first, the Ragefangs executed their game plan with both a show of force typical of the orc's hefty, lumbering physique, and a show of athletic grace which flies in the face of it. Krak Toothsnapper called the play perfectly, sailed a pass to Raziek Bloodrage as though the ball were on a wire, and the talented blitzer charged downfield to put the first point on the board. A great help on the line came from the popular Ripper Bolgrot, who was brought in to tilt the scales against Barglesnart Livingstone of the Knights. Things were looking up for the Brutakai Boys, but some elements of this great game are out of the players' hands, including the often under-appreciated presence of the "twelfth man" - the fans themselves.
Despite the relative ferocity of their few but fanatical supporters, the Ragefangs were at a disadvantage to the Knights' increasing fanbase, and the consequences were immediate and dire. On the next kickoff, the stands absolutely erupted with activity, and the droves of green-and-blue-clad Knights fans rushed the pitch, laying out the majority of the Ragefangs team. The Ragefangs fans attempted to respond, but the Knights' admirers effectively shielded their heroes from harm. As the dust cleared, there was no real chance for the orcs to stop the humans' quick march downfield. Lance Freely spotted the completely wide-open Stanley Steele, and the latter caught the easy pass and practically walked into the end zone. He then celebrated by paying one lucky fan a hundred gold pieces for a bite of his hot dog. Talk about a collector's item!
The rapid scoring and breakneck pace slowed before the first half ended, as the two teams sought success with the running game, but none was to be had. As a part of their "everyone participates, everyone contributes" policy, the Knights gave lineman Solomon Squatz a chance to execute a passing play while ace thrower Freely sat, and the lineman delivered a short pass to Cyrano de Baggagerack to close out the period.
Determined to find a way to deal with the orc squad's physical superiority, the Knights looked again to their youth for answers. Hot on the heels of the kickoff in the second half, blitzer Chet Jackweed trampled line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath soundly, and Nightwrath left the game under his own power. Taking advantage of the slight offset in manpower, Lance Freely found receiver Brad Attitûd with a bullet from midfield, and the lanky lad left defenders in the dust on his way to the Fly-by Knights' second score of the game.
With time running short, the Ragefangs needed everyone on the same page to complete another play and tie the match. They might have succeeded too, were it not for the ever-dangerous Jacques Strappe, whose reputation as the strongest thrower in the league is all but concrete. The resolute Strappe not only saved a touchdown with an emphatic blitz, but then picked up the fallen cargo and sent it, air mail, special delivery, to blitzer Victor Dashing. Dashing made like his name implied, and sprinted for the touchdown, sealing the deal for the Knights, the final score three to one.
Match MVP accolades went to Chet Jackweed of the Knights, with the only casualty of the game, whose training as an "armoured catcher" appears to be paying off. Kozu Ironhide, black orc of the Ragefangs, took the honour for his squad by virtue of his solid performance on the front line. Also highly of note were Brad Attitûd and Lance Freely of the Knights, who seem to have adapted to catcher Stanley Steele's training regime and demonstrated impressive agility all game. Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs gets a nod as well for demonstrating excellent presence of mind with regards to his teammates, assisting on the line despite multiple threats to his person.
Our second scheduled game was a clash of extreme opposites. The graceful, groomed and gorgeous lads of the the Blueriver Wardoves brought their brand of quick, precise elven game to bear against the robust, rude and rowdy Smash and Go'nads, for whom success is measured only in destruction and blood alcohol level. Divergent philosophies coupled with a lust for the prize of victory and a cruelly brilliant sun can mean only one thing, sportsfiends - entertainment!
Things started out with a typical dwarf play, and the crafty fellows handed off to runner Adam Meway, who sheltered himself behind a crushing protective force of longbeards. Just as the line seemed it may buckle, Meway burst forth like the fizz from a newly-shaken can of Bloodweiser and dashed into the end zone. The dwarves had made their statement; could the elves respond?
Respond they did, in more ways than one. Vengeance was the first item on the Wardoves' menu, and Mlalyn Firefawn was the line cook of punishment as he violently fouled the down-and-out Gil T. Azell. The refs caught it, though, (for the record, the first time they've had the stones to do so all season), and Firefawn was sent off to the resounding boos of the already-wasted dwarven crowds. Azell was in horrible shape, but the dwarves' doc made no mistake and saw the bruising slayer back to the dugout for the next drive. Meanwhile, the elves were free to change the game to their own liking in the absence of the Go'nads' superlative troublemaker, and Bendark Mossfang made a smooth pass to the crowd-pleasing Tsih Killwillow, and before you could say "photo op" the game was tied. Killwillow reportedly celebrated by blowing a kiss to each and every one of the Wardoves' cheerleaders, who were subsequently carted to the infirmary for minor bruises sustained while falling to the grass in a stupor, as well as several counts of broken hearts. The half ended with a deadlock, both teams having each scored a touchdown.
Fired up by the momentum gained by their last drive, the Wardoves struck fast as the second half opened. Keeping the dwarves guessing while Mossfang surveyed the field coolly, the elves set up a scenario of multiple potential targets. At last the time came to strike, and the high, spiraling pass from Mossfang found Sutlan Spearflower wide open and the second point for the elves went essentially uncontested. Now all they had to do was keep the slower dwarf squad from making the game theirs again.
The Wardoves were about to find out just how hard it can be to tell a dwarf "no" and to make it stick. The bodies flew and crashed as the Smash and Go'nads paved a way for their plucky runners, but at every turn they were met with nimble elf resistance. The Wardoves danced quickly through what would be impassible coverage to most other teams. When the elves were finally upon him, Adam Meway connected with Dick Gozinia on a desperation pass, and one runner picked up the march downfield where the other left off. The dwarves were starting to win the battle to stay vertical, no doubt in part to their lower centers of gravity. Still, the Wardoves found the energy to surge at Gozinia before his goal was met. knocked off his feet, the ball scattering away, hope seemed lost until line dwarf Achilles Punks somehow managed to rein in the wild ball. Gone were the elves' hopes of an easy end to the match, but with them as well went the dwarves' ability to rely on the speed of their less-bearded specialists. With the resolve of an avalanche and much the same sound, Achilles Punks rumbled forward with the help of his teammates. The dwarves brushed aside the remaining elves as they swarmed, and panting, out of breath, heaving and farting like a true dwarven champion, Punks crossed the goal line to the uproarious support of the dwarven faithful. His celebration proved the least flamboyant of the afternoon, and he was left to nap on the pitch as the crowd dispersed. The final score: a 2-2 tie.
The most honoured players of this match were Stu Padasso of the Smash and Go'nads for his excellent line support in the dwarves' hour of need, and to Venspar Pondrazor of the Wardoves for his timely blocking. Several other accolades were given to elf catcher Sutlan Spearflower who deked and dodged his way to a touchdown, and to dwarves Achilles Punks, who supported his mates even as they paved his unlikely way to glory, and Adam Meway, who mimicked the quick reactions of his cohort Dick Gozinia and got the ball away under pressure on several occasions.
We're saving the biggest thrills for last, folks! Next week, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters seek the end to their perfect season, with the Fly-by Knights looking to upset the wagon. As well, the Meathooks take one last stab at glory when they square off against the Blueriver Wardoves in another intense duel of form vs. function. See you then!
In the week's first match, the underachieving (by their own standards, at least) Fly-by Knights took to the field against the fierce and committed Brutakai Ragefangs. The Ragefangs, while off to a slow start in the points and wins categories, have shown impressive resolve and a deep commitment to the gritty, unapologetic nature of Blood Bowl. For their part, the Knights have rallied around their own flags even as the series slips out of reach - both the tireless legs and enthusiasm of youth and the stalwart resolve and patience of age have served them well in recent matches. With chins and spirits high, these two collective juggernauts of willpower collide - which will come away with the W?
Receiving first, the Ragefangs executed their game plan with both a show of force typical of the orc's hefty, lumbering physique, and a show of athletic grace which flies in the face of it. Krak Toothsnapper called the play perfectly, sailed a pass to Raziek Bloodrage as though the ball were on a wire, and the talented blitzer charged downfield to put the first point on the board. A great help on the line came from the popular Ripper Bolgrot, who was brought in to tilt the scales against Barglesnart Livingstone of the Knights. Things were looking up for the Brutakai Boys, but some elements of this great game are out of the players' hands, including the often under-appreciated presence of the "twelfth man" - the fans themselves.
Despite the relative ferocity of their few but fanatical supporters, the Ragefangs were at a disadvantage to the Knights' increasing fanbase, and the consequences were immediate and dire. On the next kickoff, the stands absolutely erupted with activity, and the droves of green-and-blue-clad Knights fans rushed the pitch, laying out the majority of the Ragefangs team. The Ragefangs fans attempted to respond, but the Knights' admirers effectively shielded their heroes from harm. As the dust cleared, there was no real chance for the orcs to stop the humans' quick march downfield. Lance Freely spotted the completely wide-open Stanley Steele, and the latter caught the easy pass and practically walked into the end zone. He then celebrated by paying one lucky fan a hundred gold pieces for a bite of his hot dog. Talk about a collector's item!
The rapid scoring and breakneck pace slowed before the first half ended, as the two teams sought success with the running game, but none was to be had. As a part of their "everyone participates, everyone contributes" policy, the Knights gave lineman Solomon Squatz a chance to execute a passing play while ace thrower Freely sat, and the lineman delivered a short pass to Cyrano de Baggagerack to close out the period.
Determined to find a way to deal with the orc squad's physical superiority, the Knights looked again to their youth for answers. Hot on the heels of the kickoff in the second half, blitzer Chet Jackweed trampled line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath soundly, and Nightwrath left the game under his own power. Taking advantage of the slight offset in manpower, Lance Freely found receiver Brad Attitûd with a bullet from midfield, and the lanky lad left defenders in the dust on his way to the Fly-by Knights' second score of the game.
With time running short, the Ragefangs needed everyone on the same page to complete another play and tie the match. They might have succeeded too, were it not for the ever-dangerous Jacques Strappe, whose reputation as the strongest thrower in the league is all but concrete. The resolute Strappe not only saved a touchdown with an emphatic blitz, but then picked up the fallen cargo and sent it, air mail, special delivery, to blitzer Victor Dashing. Dashing made like his name implied, and sprinted for the touchdown, sealing the deal for the Knights, the final score three to one.
Match MVP accolades went to Chet Jackweed of the Knights, with the only casualty of the game, whose training as an "armoured catcher" appears to be paying off. Kozu Ironhide, black orc of the Ragefangs, took the honour for his squad by virtue of his solid performance on the front line. Also highly of note were Brad Attitûd and Lance Freely of the Knights, who seem to have adapted to catcher Stanley Steele's training regime and demonstrated impressive agility all game. Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs gets a nod as well for demonstrating excellent presence of mind with regards to his teammates, assisting on the line despite multiple threats to his person.
Our second scheduled game was a clash of extreme opposites. The graceful, groomed and gorgeous lads of the the Blueriver Wardoves brought their brand of quick, precise elven game to bear against the robust, rude and rowdy Smash and Go'nads, for whom success is measured only in destruction and blood alcohol level. Divergent philosophies coupled with a lust for the prize of victory and a cruelly brilliant sun can mean only one thing, sportsfiends - entertainment!
Things started out with a typical dwarf play, and the crafty fellows handed off to runner Adam Meway, who sheltered himself behind a crushing protective force of longbeards. Just as the line seemed it may buckle, Meway burst forth like the fizz from a newly-shaken can of Bloodweiser and dashed into the end zone. The dwarves had made their statement; could the elves respond?
Respond they did, in more ways than one. Vengeance was the first item on the Wardoves' menu, and Mlalyn Firefawn was the line cook of punishment as he violently fouled the down-and-out Gil T. Azell. The refs caught it, though, (for the record, the first time they've had the stones to do so all season), and Firefawn was sent off to the resounding boos of the already-wasted dwarven crowds. Azell was in horrible shape, but the dwarves' doc made no mistake and saw the bruising slayer back to the dugout for the next drive. Meanwhile, the elves were free to change the game to their own liking in the absence of the Go'nads' superlative troublemaker, and Bendark Mossfang made a smooth pass to the crowd-pleasing Tsih Killwillow, and before you could say "photo op" the game was tied. Killwillow reportedly celebrated by blowing a kiss to each and every one of the Wardoves' cheerleaders, who were subsequently carted to the infirmary for minor bruises sustained while falling to the grass in a stupor, as well as several counts of broken hearts. The half ended with a deadlock, both teams having each scored a touchdown.
Fired up by the momentum gained by their last drive, the Wardoves struck fast as the second half opened. Keeping the dwarves guessing while Mossfang surveyed the field coolly, the elves set up a scenario of multiple potential targets. At last the time came to strike, and the high, spiraling pass from Mossfang found Sutlan Spearflower wide open and the second point for the elves went essentially uncontested. Now all they had to do was keep the slower dwarf squad from making the game theirs again.
The Wardoves were about to find out just how hard it can be to tell a dwarf "no" and to make it stick. The bodies flew and crashed as the Smash and Go'nads paved a way for their plucky runners, but at every turn they were met with nimble elf resistance. The Wardoves danced quickly through what would be impassible coverage to most other teams. When the elves were finally upon him, Adam Meway connected with Dick Gozinia on a desperation pass, and one runner picked up the march downfield where the other left off. The dwarves were starting to win the battle to stay vertical, no doubt in part to their lower centers of gravity. Still, the Wardoves found the energy to surge at Gozinia before his goal was met. knocked off his feet, the ball scattering away, hope seemed lost until line dwarf Achilles Punks somehow managed to rein in the wild ball. Gone were the elves' hopes of an easy end to the match, but with them as well went the dwarves' ability to rely on the speed of their less-bearded specialists. With the resolve of an avalanche and much the same sound, Achilles Punks rumbled forward with the help of his teammates. The dwarves brushed aside the remaining elves as they swarmed, and panting, out of breath, heaving and farting like a true dwarven champion, Punks crossed the goal line to the uproarious support of the dwarven faithful. His celebration proved the least flamboyant of the afternoon, and he was left to nap on the pitch as the crowd dispersed. The final score: a 2-2 tie.
The most honoured players of this match were Stu Padasso of the Smash and Go'nads for his excellent line support in the dwarves' hour of need, and to Venspar Pondrazor of the Wardoves for his timely blocking. Several other accolades were given to elf catcher Sutlan Spearflower who deked and dodged his way to a touchdown, and to dwarves Achilles Punks, who supported his mates even as they paved his unlikely way to glory, and Adam Meway, who mimicked the quick reactions of his cohort Dick Gozinia and got the ball away under pressure on several occasions.
We're saving the biggest thrills for last, folks! Next week, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters seek the end to their perfect season, with the Fly-by Knights looking to upset the wagon. As well, the Meathooks take one last stab at glory when they square off against the Blueriver Wardoves in another intense duel of form vs. function. See you then!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Honour, Drive, and a World of Hurt
Tuesday night has come and gone, and with it came carnage, and with it went glory. Two orc squads, each coming off heartbreaking losses the previous week, faced off more in the interest of honour than victory. The hordes of undead competed with a host of elves, in what was truly a matter of life and death. What happened may shock you. It may offend you. However, it will most definitely thrill you.
The proud players of the Brutakai Ragefangs took the pitch against the Meathooks in game one, the former seeing in their opponents a vision of their glorious future, the latter a reflection of their own humble beginnings. The bulk of the attending fans were in support of the Meathooks, and the significance of this would be known right from the start. Electing to receive first, the Ragefangs prepared their offense, only to have their plans dashed as the crowd stormed down from the bleachers to throttle the teams. In a display of fanaticism the likes of which has never been seen, the Meathooks fans did the bulk of the pummeling and left more than half a dozen Ragefangs dazed in the dirt. Krak Toothsnapper attempted to salvage the drive with a pass, but fumbled the ball and could only watch as Beef Bigaxe of the Meathooks scooped it up and strode downfield for the score.
A terrible kick from the Meathooks on the next drive put the ball in Toothsnapper's hands, and he was quick to lob it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Meanwhile, the incomparable Morg N'Thorg, who had been brought back on to assist the Ragefangs, was making Meathooks troll Gristly Slötturhaus miserable on the line, eventually knocking the big guy out for the rest of the half. With the Meathooks line in disarray, Bloodrage ran the ball down quickly for the touchdown. The score at the half was knotted at one.
In the second half, the Meathooks made their move for a quick score in their now trademarked electrifying way. After failing their first attempt at the goblin toss, which ended as Hammish the goblin was toppled by the charging, dodging Raziek Bloodrage, the ball was recovered by Lockjaw, who has shown an unusual knack for the quick pass as a lineman. As Hammish recovered, Lockjaw shoveled the pass to him, and before he knew what was happening, Gristly had him in his hands and hurled him downfield. Hammish hit the ground running and dove over the line to record the Meathooks' second touchdown.
The fury of battle upon them, the Ragefangs were quick once again in their response. After yet another terrible kick from the Meathooks, the ball landed within the grasp of Xarnak Bloodrage who, not to be outdone by his brother, made short work of the Meathooks defense and carried in the tying point. The fans were roaring - some with the thrill of such a high-skill game between two brutish orc squads, some with disappointment at the lack of any serious injuries sustained by either squad.
With plenty of time left on the clock, the Meathooks were confident that they could attain the next and decisive touchdown to carry them to victory. Their plans were snagged repeatedly, however, as the Brutakai Ragefangs' defense was both disciplined and effective. It didn't help that Beef Bigaxe was essentially alone in his charge downfield and seemed to have dunked his hands in butter before the drive began. Eventually, though, he overcame his clumsiness and with mere seconds to go, pounced on the ball where it lay in the end zone for the winning point. Any disappointment felt by the crowd was washed away by this incredible display, and both orc teams came away from the match with a sense of renewed will and great honour.
The match MVP awards were presented to Rip Steakface of the Meathooks for his key blocking throughout the day, and to Kragor Clawfang for the Ragefangs for his third such award in only four short weeks. It is assumed that the award may have gone to more deserving parties had Kragor not been particularly persuasive when speaking with the sponsors. Additional recognition was given to Hammish the goblin for his excellent ball handling, and to Pickles the thrower who showed remarkable arm strength at the quarterback position.
Our second game of the night had great ramifications - If the Dirt Bursters were victorious, they would effectively solidify their victory in the Chaos Cup tournament, with no other teams being able to match their total points. Their opponents, the Blueriver Wardoves, knew there was a lot at stake here, for the league as a whole. Would the undead reign supreme once more, or would the elves be a roadblock on their route to dominance?
With the illustrious Prince Moranian once again in the lineup, the Wardoves took the pitch for the first drive. The undead shambled out to meet them, and the whistle blew. Violence was the name of the game early on, as the towering Khermit smashed an unknown journeyman elf clear off his feet and out of the game, not to return. Refusing to be intimidated, however, the Wardoves set about the elimination of their opponent's threats - starting with the ghoul Blacky Gobbler. Albiir Featherdeath, quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with, caught Gobbler in something resembling a piledriver crossed with a cobra clutch, and when the dust settled, the ghoul was no more.
Out of the chaos, who should appear, but Ol' Teabagger on a mad dash towards the end zone. Unfortunately for him, the elves are faster than most of his previous opponents, and Featherdeath teamed up with Stryth Leafmauler to catch the wily ghoul before he could score the point. To their chagrin, however, they discovered that where there's one ghoul, others soon follow. Ned Gummers loped down the pitch, scooped up the lost ball and didn't look back as he strode into the end zone.
The very next possession, Ol' Teabagger really turned up the power and showed the elves just what running is all about. Hurtling down the field at a breakneck pace, did the O.T.B. see the man in the pointy hat and glitzy bathrobe stand up in the crowd and wiggle his fingers? He very well may have, because as soon as the clear blue sky was streaked with lightning coming down onto him, Ol' Teabagger somehow sidestepped the forces of nature and continued on his way. We have reports saying that the suspect wizard promptly stripped himself of his sorcerous attire and left to herd goats on a mountainside somewhere. The elves were in pursuit of Teabagger by now, but one of them was caught by the shoulder by the fearsome Magut. The mummy left Tanthil Twigbreaker ironically broken himself, and the two elves who did catch up to Ol' Teabagger would prove insufficient, as the ghoul leaped over one defender, dodged around the next, and dove across the goal line to the excited groans of thousands of undead fans.
The O.T.B. nearly scored again on an offensive miscue after the very next whistle, but Prince Moranian saw the play coming a mile away, and the half ended with the elf putting the ghoul on his backside, and the score a commanding 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters.
The second half began with a determined Wardoves team setting out to execute their own game, not simply tag along with however the undead wanted to play. Their conviction was evident early on as Bendark Mossfang's pass found Bendrym Cloudrender, who then handed the ball off to catcher Sutlan Spearflower, who burned a trail down the field and brought the game to within one point for the boys from Blueriver.
Unwilling to let the elves control the pace, the Dirt Bursters set about more brutal tactics in defense of their lead. Their first target was the high-profile Prince Moranian, and Chunk Norton ripped into him like he was full of candy. The Wardoves medical crew were quick to restore the talented Moranian, however. Resolved to get their point across, the other half of the zombie duo, Stumps O'Boggy, badly beat on Stryth Leafmauler, sending him to the bench for the remainder of the match. With the way cleared by his shambling cohorts, Ol' Teabagger made no mistake and hurtled back to the end zone for another Teabagger touchdown. He celebrated by eating a member of the grounds keeping crew.
Desperate to challenge this undead force, the Wardoves made their bid for a quick follow-up score of their own. All seemed lost when Chunk Norton came crashing through the line towards the ball, but his footing was misplaced (possibly his feet as well) and he fell to the ground mere inches from his goal. Sensing the opportunity, Bendark Mossfang threw projectile perfection into the hands of a mercenary catcher and just like that, the Wardoves were back within a point.
To the resounding booing of every elf fan on hand, the Dirt Bursters responded with measured, cautious, time-devouring play. Forming an impassable barrier around the ball, the undead gained possession and never let go. Time ran out, and the final score was 3-2 for the Dirt Bursters. With the victory, their upcoming final match against the Fly-by Knights becomes moot, as no other team in the league can approach their point total. With this win, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters have secured the Chaos Cup and their third consecutive MMBBL victory. The remaining games will be played for honour, for pride, or for having little better to do in the time leading up to the Blood Bowl this Summer.
The match MVP for the Wardoves was Albiir Featherdeath, no doubt for his brutal dispatching of Blacky Gobbler, but also for the delicate, almost surreal maneuvering that took him there. The honour for the Dirt Bursters went to former thrall Tinny, who has seen much more success in death than he could have ever hoped for in life. Stumps O'Boggy continued his sudden burst of homicidal play and has shown the ability to put pressure on the faster, more agile opponents that he lines up against.
Four games remain on the schedule for the Chaos Cup season, and though the champion is effectively crowned already, there's still plenty more action left to see! Next on the plate is the aforementioned showdown between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who may rest some of their stars in the wake of their assured victory, and the Fly-by Knights, who remain committed to their personal goals in the absence of a shot at the title.
The proud players of the Brutakai Ragefangs took the pitch against the Meathooks in game one, the former seeing in their opponents a vision of their glorious future, the latter a reflection of their own humble beginnings. The bulk of the attending fans were in support of the Meathooks, and the significance of this would be known right from the start. Electing to receive first, the Ragefangs prepared their offense, only to have their plans dashed as the crowd stormed down from the bleachers to throttle the teams. In a display of fanaticism the likes of which has never been seen, the Meathooks fans did the bulk of the pummeling and left more than half a dozen Ragefangs dazed in the dirt. Krak Toothsnapper attempted to salvage the drive with a pass, but fumbled the ball and could only watch as Beef Bigaxe of the Meathooks scooped it up and strode downfield for the score.
A terrible kick from the Meathooks on the next drive put the ball in Toothsnapper's hands, and he was quick to lob it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Meanwhile, the incomparable Morg N'Thorg, who had been brought back on to assist the Ragefangs, was making Meathooks troll Gristly Slötturhaus miserable on the line, eventually knocking the big guy out for the rest of the half. With the Meathooks line in disarray, Bloodrage ran the ball down quickly for the touchdown. The score at the half was knotted at one.
In the second half, the Meathooks made their move for a quick score in their now trademarked electrifying way. After failing their first attempt at the goblin toss, which ended as Hammish the goblin was toppled by the charging, dodging Raziek Bloodrage, the ball was recovered by Lockjaw, who has shown an unusual knack for the quick pass as a lineman. As Hammish recovered, Lockjaw shoveled the pass to him, and before he knew what was happening, Gristly had him in his hands and hurled him downfield. Hammish hit the ground running and dove over the line to record the Meathooks' second touchdown.
The fury of battle upon them, the Ragefangs were quick once again in their response. After yet another terrible kick from the Meathooks, the ball landed within the grasp of Xarnak Bloodrage who, not to be outdone by his brother, made short work of the Meathooks defense and carried in the tying point. The fans were roaring - some with the thrill of such a high-skill game between two brutish orc squads, some with disappointment at the lack of any serious injuries sustained by either squad.
With plenty of time left on the clock, the Meathooks were confident that they could attain the next and decisive touchdown to carry them to victory. Their plans were snagged repeatedly, however, as the Brutakai Ragefangs' defense was both disciplined and effective. It didn't help that Beef Bigaxe was essentially alone in his charge downfield and seemed to have dunked his hands in butter before the drive began. Eventually, though, he overcame his clumsiness and with mere seconds to go, pounced on the ball where it lay in the end zone for the winning point. Any disappointment felt by the crowd was washed away by this incredible display, and both orc teams came away from the match with a sense of renewed will and great honour.
The match MVP awards were presented to Rip Steakface of the Meathooks for his key blocking throughout the day, and to Kragor Clawfang for the Ragefangs for his third such award in only four short weeks. It is assumed that the award may have gone to more deserving parties had Kragor not been particularly persuasive when speaking with the sponsors. Additional recognition was given to Hammish the goblin for his excellent ball handling, and to Pickles the thrower who showed remarkable arm strength at the quarterback position.
Our second game of the night had great ramifications - If the Dirt Bursters were victorious, they would effectively solidify their victory in the Chaos Cup tournament, with no other teams being able to match their total points. Their opponents, the Blueriver Wardoves, knew there was a lot at stake here, for the league as a whole. Would the undead reign supreme once more, or would the elves be a roadblock on their route to dominance?
With the illustrious Prince Moranian once again in the lineup, the Wardoves took the pitch for the first drive. The undead shambled out to meet them, and the whistle blew. Violence was the name of the game early on, as the towering Khermit smashed an unknown journeyman elf clear off his feet and out of the game, not to return. Refusing to be intimidated, however, the Wardoves set about the elimination of their opponent's threats - starting with the ghoul Blacky Gobbler. Albiir Featherdeath, quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with, caught Gobbler in something resembling a piledriver crossed with a cobra clutch, and when the dust settled, the ghoul was no more.
Out of the chaos, who should appear, but Ol' Teabagger on a mad dash towards the end zone. Unfortunately for him, the elves are faster than most of his previous opponents, and Featherdeath teamed up with Stryth Leafmauler to catch the wily ghoul before he could score the point. To their chagrin, however, they discovered that where there's one ghoul, others soon follow. Ned Gummers loped down the pitch, scooped up the lost ball and didn't look back as he strode into the end zone.
The very next possession, Ol' Teabagger really turned up the power and showed the elves just what running is all about. Hurtling down the field at a breakneck pace, did the O.T.B. see the man in the pointy hat and glitzy bathrobe stand up in the crowd and wiggle his fingers? He very well may have, because as soon as the clear blue sky was streaked with lightning coming down onto him, Ol' Teabagger somehow sidestepped the forces of nature and continued on his way. We have reports saying that the suspect wizard promptly stripped himself of his sorcerous attire and left to herd goats on a mountainside somewhere. The elves were in pursuit of Teabagger by now, but one of them was caught by the shoulder by the fearsome Magut. The mummy left Tanthil Twigbreaker ironically broken himself, and the two elves who did catch up to Ol' Teabagger would prove insufficient, as the ghoul leaped over one defender, dodged around the next, and dove across the goal line to the excited groans of thousands of undead fans.
The O.T.B. nearly scored again on an offensive miscue after the very next whistle, but Prince Moranian saw the play coming a mile away, and the half ended with the elf putting the ghoul on his backside, and the score a commanding 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters.
The second half began with a determined Wardoves team setting out to execute their own game, not simply tag along with however the undead wanted to play. Their conviction was evident early on as Bendark Mossfang's pass found Bendrym Cloudrender, who then handed the ball off to catcher Sutlan Spearflower, who burned a trail down the field and brought the game to within one point for the boys from Blueriver.
Unwilling to let the elves control the pace, the Dirt Bursters set about more brutal tactics in defense of their lead. Their first target was the high-profile Prince Moranian, and Chunk Norton ripped into him like he was full of candy. The Wardoves medical crew were quick to restore the talented Moranian, however. Resolved to get their point across, the other half of the zombie duo, Stumps O'Boggy, badly beat on Stryth Leafmauler, sending him to the bench for the remainder of the match. With the way cleared by his shambling cohorts, Ol' Teabagger made no mistake and hurtled back to the end zone for another Teabagger touchdown. He celebrated by eating a member of the grounds keeping crew.
Desperate to challenge this undead force, the Wardoves made their bid for a quick follow-up score of their own. All seemed lost when Chunk Norton came crashing through the line towards the ball, but his footing was misplaced (possibly his feet as well) and he fell to the ground mere inches from his goal. Sensing the opportunity, Bendark Mossfang threw projectile perfection into the hands of a mercenary catcher and just like that, the Wardoves were back within a point.
To the resounding booing of every elf fan on hand, the Dirt Bursters responded with measured, cautious, time-devouring play. Forming an impassable barrier around the ball, the undead gained possession and never let go. Time ran out, and the final score was 3-2 for the Dirt Bursters. With the victory, their upcoming final match against the Fly-by Knights becomes moot, as no other team in the league can approach their point total. With this win, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters have secured the Chaos Cup and their third consecutive MMBBL victory. The remaining games will be played for honour, for pride, or for having little better to do in the time leading up to the Blood Bowl this Summer.
The match MVP for the Wardoves was Albiir Featherdeath, no doubt for his brutal dispatching of Blacky Gobbler, but also for the delicate, almost surreal maneuvering that took him there. The honour for the Dirt Bursters went to former thrall Tinny, who has seen much more success in death than he could have ever hoped for in life. Stumps O'Boggy continued his sudden burst of homicidal play and has shown the ability to put pressure on the faster, more agile opponents that he lines up against.
Four games remain on the schedule for the Chaos Cup season, and though the champion is effectively crowned already, there's still plenty more action left to see! Next on the plate is the aforementioned showdown between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who may rest some of their stars in the wake of their assured victory, and the Fly-by Knights, who remain committed to their personal goals in the absence of a shot at the title.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
A Dire Day for Orckind
Greetings sports fiends, and welcome to another MMBBL update! Two games on the pitch last night, and we'll warn you in advance - If you're a fan of all things big, green and mean, this may be a hard report to stomach.
Game one on the card was a battle of two new teams vying to make their way in this cutthroat league. The Smash and Go'nads and the Brutakai Ragefangs met with each other and with destiny. A sunny day, decent attendance slightly favouring the Ragefangs...and the promise of mayhem.
On the opening drive, the Smash and Go'nads went right to work and would not be denied. While the runners made their moves for the ball, troll slayer Gil T. Azell went straight for the opponent's balls and throttled Holo Axegut, the Ragefang thrower. Axegut was sidelined, howling with rage, and will be missing the next match after sustaining what will likely develop into a chronic condition. With the orc line down a man, dwarf blitzer Stu Padasso found runner Dick Gozinia with a low pass, and the plucky Gozinia plowed his way downfield to the endzone. It took them most of the half to accomplish it, but the Smash and Go'nads had their first touchdown of their young careers.
In the second half, the Ragefangs needed a response. They got it, but it proved a costly half for them. En route to a tying score, the orcs were battered and bruised from the waist down as the dwarves did their best to hold the line. Line dwarf Herb Eaverstinks brought down Vradak Facechewer with a bone-grinding tackle, relieving him of his footing, lunch, and ability to continue playing. Still, the orc offense pressed on. Seeing a need for more drastic defensive measures, Stu Padasso ran down Prok Fleshdrinker with a sickening crunch. Good sportsmanship being what it is, he took the orc lineman's hand to help him up after the play, but came up with not much past the elbow. The stretcher team arrived, though Fleshdrinker was eventually removed in a series of buckets. Still, the Ragefangs would not be denied! Out of the chaos strode blitzer Raziek Bloodrage, smashing the ball into the turf as he crossed the goal line, roaring to the sky at the top of his lungs.
With little time left, the teams faced off again, and it can only be assumed that the fans were unhappy with the idea of a tie game. From out of the stands an extra-large popcorn bucket, suspiciously filled with what appeared to be quick-dry cement, caught Kodish Manhammer of the Ragefangs square in the back of the head and put him into the dirt for a short nap. With little else to do but execute rudimentary passing plays, the game ended in a 1-1 draw.
The matches MVP awards were given to Gil T. Azell for his particularly brutal play, and to Raziek Bloodrage for the exceptional catch and subsequent touchdown run. After the match, much to everyone's surprise (including his own) Prok Fleshdrinker emerged from the Ragefangs' infirmary, not in buckets but under his own power. Medically dead for more than an hour, the team doctor thoroughly stumped as to how to proceed, someone apparently stumbled upon a combination of tenth grade metal shop and bizarre necrosurgery. The result rejoined his teammates, now larger, tougher, and as far as we know, still essentially the orc he was before being reduced to a chaos team's take-out dinner. It seems that even in the world of Blood Bowl, death can give way to some sort of renewal.
On now to the second game of the night, where the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Meathooks would rekindle the carnage they wrought back in the Dungeonbowl championship. The weather was favourable, the stands were full with fans of both squads, but for the Meathooks, the sausage would prove to be packed with dismay.
The Dirt Bursters won the opening coin toss, and set to work to open the scoring. Not all of the undead players are built for the scoring game, though, and the terrifying Magut made no mistake of adding to his league-leading casualty count as he showed the herculean T-Boner the way to the hospital, putting the large orc out of commission for the immediate future. The worst was yet to come for the Meathooks, however, and one of their rising stars would pay the price.
Stumps O'Boggy, a hard-working yet seldom-acknowledged blue collar zombie, could not have known when he shook off the grave dust this morning that one of the most defining games of his career lay before him. Whether driven by personal desire, inspired by teammate Magut's brutal trailblazing, or simply a bit hungry, O'Boggy positively obliterated orc blitzer Stabbo, killing the skilled player outright. The blow to the Meathooks would prove costly, and the undead may have sensed that the game was theirs already. A great moan rose up from the undead fans as the league's most electrifying ambassador of awesome leaped through the fray and scrambled in for the touchdown. It seems, folks, that if you can't stop the O.T.B., then you can't stop the Dirt Bursters.
While the next drive was being prepared, the rumblings from the fans became progressively louder, with fights beginning to break out among the bleachers. Eventually it boiled over, and the legions of Meathooks faithful charged down to exact revenge upon the hated Dirt Bursters, even as the undead horde crashed through the barricades to slaughter the reviled orcish squad. Their charge dissipated, however, when they realized just how big their targets were. After only a couple of players were knocked down by momentum alone, the fans were quickly scared off by the mountains of orc flesh and monoliths of rot and bone, and the game resumed after cleaning the field of assorted body parts.
The rest of the first half was an awkward time for the Meathooks, and they seemed lost with their big linemate crippled and their most skilled blitzer dead. Several passes were attempted by both sides, but in every case, the receiver was hounded and the ball stripped from him. Several miscues by Meathooks thrower Pickles resulted in poor positioning, and the aforementioned Stumps O'Boggy sent orc blocker Grunt Skunchman packing, in the same boat as his teammate T-Boner. Before the halftime whistle blew, though, the Dirt Bursters would take advantage of the faltering Meathooks line and Ned Gummers rolled in for a second score.
The air of depression that rose from the orcish fans was tangible as the second half started, and it didn't help that the temperature had risen noticeably. The Meathooks would make a game of it in the end, though, and in one hell of an exciting fashion. A favourable kick and excellent blocking at the start of their drive saw another attempt at what had eluded the Meathooks for so long - a successful goblin throw. The foolhardy Hammish got the handoff and soon thereafter, Gristly the troll sent him soaring through the evening sky. The crowd gasped with anticipation - would he land on his feet? on his head? And then down he came, hitting the ground running as fast as those scrawny legs could go, right into the end zone. The uproar from the crowd was deafening, and for one shining moment, Hammish the goblin was the tallest player on the pitch.
Little time remained, and if the Meathooks were to salvage a tie, they'd have to make gold out of the leaden spirits of their squad. A gap was almost exposed, and Bacon Sandwich strove to emulate his fellow goblin's success, but he was dumped into the stands and prevented from finishing the game. Pouncing on the loose ball, Ned Gummers was off like a rocket, shambling into the end zone and ending the Meathooks' hopes. The final score, 3-1 for the undead.
As the game concluded, to the horror of the Meathooks and their fans, Stabbo got up. Wordlessly he staggered across the field and joined the Dirt Bursters as a zombie. Not all players' stories end in glory...some fade into anonymity as their bright stars fall and are extinguished. Standing alongside the very zombie who killed him, Stabbo was a Meathook no longer.
MVPs of the match were awarded to Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks, despite his injury, and to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, who showed remarkable awareness on the line in the defense of his teammates. For the first time, the undead roster is full, and for the first time since their creation, the Meathooks must search out another blitzer to fill the gap that Stabbo left in passing. We at MMBBL salute those lost tonight, even though they're actually still playing anyway. Goodnight, and we'll see you next time, as the Fly-by Knights and the Smash and Go'nads are slated to square off on Sunday!
Game one on the card was a battle of two new teams vying to make their way in this cutthroat league. The Smash and Go'nads and the Brutakai Ragefangs met with each other and with destiny. A sunny day, decent attendance slightly favouring the Ragefangs...and the promise of mayhem.
On the opening drive, the Smash and Go'nads went right to work and would not be denied. While the runners made their moves for the ball, troll slayer Gil T. Azell went straight for the opponent's balls and throttled Holo Axegut, the Ragefang thrower. Axegut was sidelined, howling with rage, and will be missing the next match after sustaining what will likely develop into a chronic condition. With the orc line down a man, dwarf blitzer Stu Padasso found runner Dick Gozinia with a low pass, and the plucky Gozinia plowed his way downfield to the endzone. It took them most of the half to accomplish it, but the Smash and Go'nads had their first touchdown of their young careers.
In the second half, the Ragefangs needed a response. They got it, but it proved a costly half for them. En route to a tying score, the orcs were battered and bruised from the waist down as the dwarves did their best to hold the line. Line dwarf Herb Eaverstinks brought down Vradak Facechewer with a bone-grinding tackle, relieving him of his footing, lunch, and ability to continue playing. Still, the orc offense pressed on. Seeing a need for more drastic defensive measures, Stu Padasso ran down Prok Fleshdrinker with a sickening crunch. Good sportsmanship being what it is, he took the orc lineman's hand to help him up after the play, but came up with not much past the elbow. The stretcher team arrived, though Fleshdrinker was eventually removed in a series of buckets. Still, the Ragefangs would not be denied! Out of the chaos strode blitzer Raziek Bloodrage, smashing the ball into the turf as he crossed the goal line, roaring to the sky at the top of his lungs.
With little time left, the teams faced off again, and it can only be assumed that the fans were unhappy with the idea of a tie game. From out of the stands an extra-large popcorn bucket, suspiciously filled with what appeared to be quick-dry cement, caught Kodish Manhammer of the Ragefangs square in the back of the head and put him into the dirt for a short nap. With little else to do but execute rudimentary passing plays, the game ended in a 1-1 draw.
The matches MVP awards were given to Gil T. Azell for his particularly brutal play, and to Raziek Bloodrage for the exceptional catch and subsequent touchdown run. After the match, much to everyone's surprise (including his own) Prok Fleshdrinker emerged from the Ragefangs' infirmary, not in buckets but under his own power. Medically dead for more than an hour, the team doctor thoroughly stumped as to how to proceed, someone apparently stumbled upon a combination of tenth grade metal shop and bizarre necrosurgery. The result rejoined his teammates, now larger, tougher, and as far as we know, still essentially the orc he was before being reduced to a chaos team's take-out dinner. It seems that even in the world of Blood Bowl, death can give way to some sort of renewal.
On now to the second game of the night, where the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Meathooks would rekindle the carnage they wrought back in the Dungeonbowl championship. The weather was favourable, the stands were full with fans of both squads, but for the Meathooks, the sausage would prove to be packed with dismay.
The Dirt Bursters won the opening coin toss, and set to work to open the scoring. Not all of the undead players are built for the scoring game, though, and the terrifying Magut made no mistake of adding to his league-leading casualty count as he showed the herculean T-Boner the way to the hospital, putting the large orc out of commission for the immediate future. The worst was yet to come for the Meathooks, however, and one of their rising stars would pay the price.
Stumps O'Boggy, a hard-working yet seldom-acknowledged blue collar zombie, could not have known when he shook off the grave dust this morning that one of the most defining games of his career lay before him. Whether driven by personal desire, inspired by teammate Magut's brutal trailblazing, or simply a bit hungry, O'Boggy positively obliterated orc blitzer Stabbo, killing the skilled player outright. The blow to the Meathooks would prove costly, and the undead may have sensed that the game was theirs already. A great moan rose up from the undead fans as the league's most electrifying ambassador of awesome leaped through the fray and scrambled in for the touchdown. It seems, folks, that if you can't stop the O.T.B., then you can't stop the Dirt Bursters.
While the next drive was being prepared, the rumblings from the fans became progressively louder, with fights beginning to break out among the bleachers. Eventually it boiled over, and the legions of Meathooks faithful charged down to exact revenge upon the hated Dirt Bursters, even as the undead horde crashed through the barricades to slaughter the reviled orcish squad. Their charge dissipated, however, when they realized just how big their targets were. After only a couple of players were knocked down by momentum alone, the fans were quickly scared off by the mountains of orc flesh and monoliths of rot and bone, and the game resumed after cleaning the field of assorted body parts.
The rest of the first half was an awkward time for the Meathooks, and they seemed lost with their big linemate crippled and their most skilled blitzer dead. Several passes were attempted by both sides, but in every case, the receiver was hounded and the ball stripped from him. Several miscues by Meathooks thrower Pickles resulted in poor positioning, and the aforementioned Stumps O'Boggy sent orc blocker Grunt Skunchman packing, in the same boat as his teammate T-Boner. Before the halftime whistle blew, though, the Dirt Bursters would take advantage of the faltering Meathooks line and Ned Gummers rolled in for a second score.
The air of depression that rose from the orcish fans was tangible as the second half started, and it didn't help that the temperature had risen noticeably. The Meathooks would make a game of it in the end, though, and in one hell of an exciting fashion. A favourable kick and excellent blocking at the start of their drive saw another attempt at what had eluded the Meathooks for so long - a successful goblin throw. The foolhardy Hammish got the handoff and soon thereafter, Gristly the troll sent him soaring through the evening sky. The crowd gasped with anticipation - would he land on his feet? on his head? And then down he came, hitting the ground running as fast as those scrawny legs could go, right into the end zone. The uproar from the crowd was deafening, and for one shining moment, Hammish the goblin was the tallest player on the pitch.
Little time remained, and if the Meathooks were to salvage a tie, they'd have to make gold out of the leaden spirits of their squad. A gap was almost exposed, and Bacon Sandwich strove to emulate his fellow goblin's success, but he was dumped into the stands and prevented from finishing the game. Pouncing on the loose ball, Ned Gummers was off like a rocket, shambling into the end zone and ending the Meathooks' hopes. The final score, 3-1 for the undead.
As the game concluded, to the horror of the Meathooks and their fans, Stabbo got up. Wordlessly he staggered across the field and joined the Dirt Bursters as a zombie. Not all players' stories end in glory...some fade into anonymity as their bright stars fall and are extinguished. Standing alongside the very zombie who killed him, Stabbo was a Meathook no longer.
MVPs of the match were awarded to Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks, despite his injury, and to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, who showed remarkable awareness on the line in the defense of his teammates. For the first time, the undead roster is full, and for the first time since their creation, the Meathooks must search out another blitzer to fill the gap that Stabbo left in passing. We at MMBBL salute those lost tonight, even though they're actually still playing anyway. Goodnight, and we'll see you next time, as the Fly-by Knights and the Smash and Go'nads are slated to square off on Sunday!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The Agony of...Victory?
Two games to report on from this week's action so far, sports fiends! We saw a proper slugfest between the Meathooks and the Smash and Go'nads, as well as a David-meets-Goliath struggle between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Brutakai Ragefangs. No one was safe, and you can be sure that no one was bored, either!
Game one began on a lovely day, but the sun soon revealed its true, malicious intent, becoming a beacon of blazing contempt for the Meathooks' passing game. The Smash and Go'nads were undeterred, however, as their plans revolve around a sturdy ground attack. The dwarves once again enlisted the services of the incomparable Morg'N'Thorg, who was more than happy to assist the little man in his attempt to thwart the green menace. Also present was the illustrious and completely shirtless Grim Ironjaw, whose presence provided energy as well as a very complex combination of odours.
The Go'nads won the toss and elected to receive, and after a wild kick, the ball went to Hammish, the plucky goblin constantly besieged by the fear of death. The plan of attack broke down after the line collapsed, though, and Hammish was forced to make a remarkable escape, twisting and dodging, squeezing through the dwarf defense like a buttered-up sausage down a Plinko board. Eventually though, the little green machine was knocked over, and the ball became lost in the tangle of bodies. Morg N'Thorg brought his fist down on Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks, crippling him with uncomfortable sound effects, but the doc over on the orc bench had him ready to go again by the next drive. The orc answer to Morg N'Thorg was a question mark for most of the half, as Gristly Slötturhaus spent the better part of the day picking his nose, examining the result thoughtfully, and then eating it.
After halftime, the Sun's harsh criticism of the passing game now a memory, the Go'nads were ready to start their first drive of the game. The orc defense was more than ready for them, though, and the black orc blockers started tearing up the field almost immediately. The hefty Beefquake put troll slayer Gil T. Azell out of the match with a case of severe aftershocks and hysterical blindness, while Gort Crudhammer forcefully hurled Ray Pugh into the crowd, where he was trampled and kicked back to the locker room for a trauma-induced nap. Undermanned and overpowered, the dwarves fought on to stop the green tide, but Chip Bonesaw, the Meathooks' (relatively) explosive lineman, carried the ball in for a touchdown with only a few minutes to spare. The dwarves tried in vain to salvage something from the ordeal, but were unable to capitalize in the dying seconds.
MVPs of the game were Beefquake of the Meathooks, who was offered a slice of the ReBlok armour endorsement which his teammate Hamfist Goreguts currently enjoys, and to Grim Ironjaw, whose response to the honour was to stomp away foaming at the mouth and passing a symphony of gas. Sources say this means he enjoyed the game immensely. Also of note for the Meathooks was the play of Chip Bonesaw, who simply wouldn't take no for an answer when "asking" the opposition to hand over the rock.
Game two saw the up-and-coming Brutakai Ragefangs square off with the already-up-and-not-really-going-anywhere-anytime-soon threat that is the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. In what can only be attributed to a case of twins separated at birth, wide-scale optical illusion, or a time paradox, Morg N'Thorg was playing in THIS game for the Ragefangs at the same time he was playing for the Smash and Go'nads in the other match. We don't have an answer yet, but we're prepared to commit the necessary jiggawatts to find out.
The Dirt Bursters put their usual game plan into effect right from the get-go, and by the end of the first quarter, Ol' Teabagger was dancing in the end zone to the roar of his legions of fans. In response, the Ragefangs responded not on the scoreboard, but on the body count, as Brax Elfeater sent the ghoul Chompsalot sprawling and out for the rest of the match. The undead were quick to put another point on the board, this time with the OTB playing the role of quarterback as he sailed a sweet pass to Blacky Gobbler who was wide open in the end zone. Again, the Ragefangs showed their contempt for the Dirt Bursters' skilled players as Raziek Bloodrage showed Blacky just how he felt about the touchdown, which was a very emotional ordeal that had a great impact on the ghoul. So great that he needed to spend some time in the infirmary.
After halftime, the Dirt Bursters had had enough of the beatings, and decided to dish out the pain as well as take it. Khermit, one of their two towering mummies, Brutally murdered Brax Elfeater, the Ragefang black orc, but the orc medical staff revived him with a complicated ritual that involved industrial sewing equipment, several meters of flexible tubing and an unfortunate "donor" from the bleachers. Jumping upon the opportunity, and with a great deal of literal jumping as well, Ol' Teabagger further fed his own legend with his second score of the game, putting it out of reach for the orc squad. In one final act of brutality, Kozu Ironhide crushed the MMBBL's golden boy Lanks McBreak in a devastating hug, leaving several dozen bones broken. His fans were happy to bring him back with donations of bones they had donated themselves, or simply dug up from the nearby cemeteries. The final score was 3-0 for the Dirt Bursters.
The match honours for game two were Kragor Clawfang of the Ragefangs - his second consecutive award - for his early development of frontline blocking tactics, and to Ned Gummers of the Dirt Bursters for his sound ball-handling and playmaking. Additionally, Black Gobbler learned the hard way on how to improve his blocking skill, while Ol' Teabagger seems to have become even faster. Many reports have made accusations of illegal enhancement, but league officials have nothing to go on, as OTB's urine samples have been inconclusive since he started out in the league.
Thanks for tuning in once again, sports fiends! Come back soon for more MMBBL action, and possibly an explanation regarding Morg N'Thorg's manifest schizophrenia.
Game one began on a lovely day, but the sun soon revealed its true, malicious intent, becoming a beacon of blazing contempt for the Meathooks' passing game. The Smash and Go'nads were undeterred, however, as their plans revolve around a sturdy ground attack. The dwarves once again enlisted the services of the incomparable Morg'N'Thorg, who was more than happy to assist the little man in his attempt to thwart the green menace. Also present was the illustrious and completely shirtless Grim Ironjaw, whose presence provided energy as well as a very complex combination of odours.
The Go'nads won the toss and elected to receive, and after a wild kick, the ball went to Hammish, the plucky goblin constantly besieged by the fear of death. The plan of attack broke down after the line collapsed, though, and Hammish was forced to make a remarkable escape, twisting and dodging, squeezing through the dwarf defense like a buttered-up sausage down a Plinko board. Eventually though, the little green machine was knocked over, and the ball became lost in the tangle of bodies. Morg N'Thorg brought his fist down on Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks, crippling him with uncomfortable sound effects, but the doc over on the orc bench had him ready to go again by the next drive. The orc answer to Morg N'Thorg was a question mark for most of the half, as Gristly Slötturhaus spent the better part of the day picking his nose, examining the result thoughtfully, and then eating it.
After halftime, the Sun's harsh criticism of the passing game now a memory, the Go'nads were ready to start their first drive of the game. The orc defense was more than ready for them, though, and the black orc blockers started tearing up the field almost immediately. The hefty Beefquake put troll slayer Gil T. Azell out of the match with a case of severe aftershocks and hysterical blindness, while Gort Crudhammer forcefully hurled Ray Pugh into the crowd, where he was trampled and kicked back to the locker room for a trauma-induced nap. Undermanned and overpowered, the dwarves fought on to stop the green tide, but Chip Bonesaw, the Meathooks' (relatively) explosive lineman, carried the ball in for a touchdown with only a few minutes to spare. The dwarves tried in vain to salvage something from the ordeal, but were unable to capitalize in the dying seconds.
MVPs of the game were Beefquake of the Meathooks, who was offered a slice of the ReBlok armour endorsement which his teammate Hamfist Goreguts currently enjoys, and to Grim Ironjaw, whose response to the honour was to stomp away foaming at the mouth and passing a symphony of gas. Sources say this means he enjoyed the game immensely. Also of note for the Meathooks was the play of Chip Bonesaw, who simply wouldn't take no for an answer when "asking" the opposition to hand over the rock.
Game two saw the up-and-coming Brutakai Ragefangs square off with the already-up-and-not-really-going-anywhere-anytime-soon threat that is the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. In what can only be attributed to a case of twins separated at birth, wide-scale optical illusion, or a time paradox, Morg N'Thorg was playing in THIS game for the Ragefangs at the same time he was playing for the Smash and Go'nads in the other match. We don't have an answer yet, but we're prepared to commit the necessary jiggawatts to find out.
The Dirt Bursters put their usual game plan into effect right from the get-go, and by the end of the first quarter, Ol' Teabagger was dancing in the end zone to the roar of his legions of fans. In response, the Ragefangs responded not on the scoreboard, but on the body count, as Brax Elfeater sent the ghoul Chompsalot sprawling and out for the rest of the match. The undead were quick to put another point on the board, this time with the OTB playing the role of quarterback as he sailed a sweet pass to Blacky Gobbler who was wide open in the end zone. Again, the Ragefangs showed their contempt for the Dirt Bursters' skilled players as Raziek Bloodrage showed Blacky just how he felt about the touchdown, which was a very emotional ordeal that had a great impact on the ghoul. So great that he needed to spend some time in the infirmary.
After halftime, the Dirt Bursters had had enough of the beatings, and decided to dish out the pain as well as take it. Khermit, one of their two towering mummies, Brutally murdered Brax Elfeater, the Ragefang black orc, but the orc medical staff revived him with a complicated ritual that involved industrial sewing equipment, several meters of flexible tubing and an unfortunate "donor" from the bleachers. Jumping upon the opportunity, and with a great deal of literal jumping as well, Ol' Teabagger further fed his own legend with his second score of the game, putting it out of reach for the orc squad. In one final act of brutality, Kozu Ironhide crushed the MMBBL's golden boy Lanks McBreak in a devastating hug, leaving several dozen bones broken. His fans were happy to bring him back with donations of bones they had donated themselves, or simply dug up from the nearby cemeteries. The final score was 3-0 for the Dirt Bursters.
The match honours for game two were Kragor Clawfang of the Ragefangs - his second consecutive award - for his early development of frontline blocking tactics, and to Ned Gummers of the Dirt Bursters for his sound ball-handling and playmaking. Additionally, Black Gobbler learned the hard way on how to improve his blocking skill, while Ol' Teabagger seems to have become even faster. Many reports have made accusations of illegal enhancement, but league officials have nothing to go on, as OTB's urine samples have been inconclusive since he started out in the league.
Thanks for tuning in once again, sports fiends! Come back soon for more MMBBL action, and possibly an explanation regarding Morg N'Thorg's manifest schizophrenia.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Struggle of Talon and Tooth
Magical Mister Mudd here for another guest appearance. I was able to skrye the latest match in Spring of 2008's Chaos Cup Open. It was two of the new teams coming into the league, the gentle yet deadly High Elven 'Blueriver Wardoved' faced off against self-proclaimed Orc nobility: the 'Brutakai Ragefangs'!
Though there was sixteen thousand fans scrambling to see these young teams field for the first time, only one quarter of them came to see the Ragefangs. It seemed the Blueriver's 'Smooth Beasts of 2008' calender, featuring shirtless portraits of their baby-faced players had won them some popularity for their first game. The thousands of squeeling females added evidence to this theory.
The first drive began with the Wardoves on defense, kicking the ball to the Ragefang offense. The starting whistle almost covered-up the painful cry of Fhorin Bloodmeadow, High Elf Blitzer, as he was sent sprawling by Rusnik Nightwrath, Orcish Lineman. The Orcish advance trode over his fallen form into a back-and-forth struggle for the first scoring point. The Wardoves came out on top with a pass by High Elf Lineman, Venspir Pondrazor to Tsih Killwillow who kicked up a cloud of dirt and grass as he ran the first Touchdown in. He was the last to return to his side for the next drive instructing the girls in the front rows how to chant his name in the proper pronunciation.
"It's 'See'. Not 'T-ss-eh'." he corrected with a wink.
The first half ended with a drive that just wasn't long enough to give the Orcs a tying score. The whistle sounded just moments before Xarnak Bloodrage (who also manages the team) could get the ball over the line, despite a successful offensive charge.
Sometime during the first half, Pynian Grassripper was knocked unconscious, and stayed fast asleep into the next half. Many a High Elf looked a bit envious at how soundly he slept, in the very comfortable dug-out the Wardoves had themselves entrenched in. And sure enough, before the quarter was over, three more High Elves slumbered next to Pynian, looking quite pleased with themselves. The coach shook his head and turned away, just before some opportunistic fans snuck themselves into the dug out to land some autographs from Tanthil Twigbreaker, Minlyn Firefawn and heartthrob Tsih Killwillow were happy to provide before going back to sleep.
Thus it was the Ragefangs time to shine. Holo Axegut, Orc Thrower, picked up the ball and sees that if the Blitzers couldn't get the ball where it needed to be, it was time to take matters into his own hands. Calling out tactics, he positioned the team in perfect form to keep the remaining Wardoves from the pigskin. Holo ran into the Wardove field, and made a break for it. From his left, a High Elven Lineman had fallen back for a last ditch defense. Stryth Leafmauler called out to Holo for the ball.
"You want this?!" Holo cried at him, and gave the ball to him. Right in the face. Stryth was down, and nothing was in the way for Holo Axegut to make the score before the final whistle.
Final score was 1-1 after this struggle. MVP for the Ragefangs was Kragor Clawfang, Orc Lineman, for doing exactly what he's been told. For the Wardoves, the MVP award went to Tanthil Twigbreaker, who didn't let a single fan leave the dug-out napping zone without a signed calender.
Next the Butakai Ragefangs take on MMBBL two-time champions, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters for the first time, while the Wardoves bide their time before taking on the rude dudes in the Smash and Go'nads! See you next time!
Though there was sixteen thousand fans scrambling to see these young teams field for the first time, only one quarter of them came to see the Ragefangs. It seemed the Blueriver's 'Smooth Beasts of 2008' calender, featuring shirtless portraits of their baby-faced players had won them some popularity for their first game. The thousands of squeeling females added evidence to this theory.
The first drive began with the Wardoves on defense, kicking the ball to the Ragefang offense. The starting whistle almost covered-up the painful cry of Fhorin Bloodmeadow, High Elf Blitzer, as he was sent sprawling by Rusnik Nightwrath, Orcish Lineman. The Orcish advance trode over his fallen form into a back-and-forth struggle for the first scoring point. The Wardoves came out on top with a pass by High Elf Lineman, Venspir Pondrazor to Tsih Killwillow who kicked up a cloud of dirt and grass as he ran the first Touchdown in. He was the last to return to his side for the next drive instructing the girls in the front rows how to chant his name in the proper pronunciation.
"It's 'See'. Not 'T-ss-eh'." he corrected with a wink.
The first half ended with a drive that just wasn't long enough to give the Orcs a tying score. The whistle sounded just moments before Xarnak Bloodrage (who also manages the team) could get the ball over the line, despite a successful offensive charge.
Sometime during the first half, Pynian Grassripper was knocked unconscious, and stayed fast asleep into the next half. Many a High Elf looked a bit envious at how soundly he slept, in the very comfortable dug-out the Wardoves had themselves entrenched in. And sure enough, before the quarter was over, three more High Elves slumbered next to Pynian, looking quite pleased with themselves. The coach shook his head and turned away, just before some opportunistic fans snuck themselves into the dug out to land some autographs from Tanthil Twigbreaker, Minlyn Firefawn and heartthrob Tsih Killwillow were happy to provide before going back to sleep.
Thus it was the Ragefangs time to shine. Holo Axegut, Orc Thrower, picked up the ball and sees that if the Blitzers couldn't get the ball where it needed to be, it was time to take matters into his own hands. Calling out tactics, he positioned the team in perfect form to keep the remaining Wardoves from the pigskin. Holo ran into the Wardove field, and made a break for it. From his left, a High Elven Lineman had fallen back for a last ditch defense. Stryth Leafmauler called out to Holo for the ball.
"You want this?!" Holo cried at him, and gave the ball to him. Right in the face. Stryth was down, and nothing was in the way for Holo Axegut to make the score before the final whistle.
Final score was 1-1 after this struggle. MVP for the Ragefangs was Kragor Clawfang, Orc Lineman, for doing exactly what he's been told. For the Wardoves, the MVP award went to Tanthil Twigbreaker, who didn't let a single fan leave the dug-out napping zone without a signed calender.
Next the Butakai Ragefangs take on MMBBL two-time champions, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters for the first time, while the Wardoves bide their time before taking on the rude dudes in the Smash and Go'nads! See you next time!
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