A-Nile-Ators Hold on for Tie, Spinebreakers Just Hold on

Kay Offwrong here for another report from MMBBL Action in the Bloodbath Division, where last season's Cinderella story, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, played host to quite possibly one of the top teams of the future, the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators. And what a game this was setting up to be, as both teams really needed a win to get involved in the playoff picture. The weather was beautiful, and the stands were split up almost evenly, with the slight edge of the 26 506 in attendance cheering for the hometown Greenskins.

The A-Nile-Ators won the coin toss and with it elected to receive. The ladies from Ibisi also decided to hire on some extra talent by the name of Helmut Wulf, the chainsaw wielding maniac, along with extra medical personnel and some Bloodweiser Boys, with a little something extra for the referee to keep his eyes on the Spinebreakers.

The kick was away and landed halfway between midfield and the A-Nile-Ators end zone, and with that the game was underway. At the line Sand Witch threw her shoulder into Kolark Bonefist, who was caught off guard and sent to the Spinebreaker sideline to rest up for the next drive. Arish Cream attempted to get into the open but as she tried to dodge away from Brakgul Bloodsnarl, she tripped over his disgustingly large feet and crashed into the turf, which was just enough to start the forward surge of the thick Green Defensive line.

After her beautiful hit on Bonefist, Sand Witch dodged away from the ever hungry Galthuk Battlewail and scooped up the ball, tossing it to Ibisi thrower La Nuclear Turnip, who reeled in the ball and began her stride downfield. Unfortunately, none of the A-Nile-Ators were open and when Grace Quirrel attempted to change that, she tripped over her own feet and the orc line surged again. The orcs managed to get some bodies in front of Miss Turnip but the nimble lady managed to slip through their clutches and toss a beautiful pass downfield, to a suddenly wide-open Sun Bern, who was more than halfway to the orc endzone.

With ragged breath, Soran Steelfury caught up to Bern and managed to strip the ball out of her hands, but despite his best efforts it fell next to her on the grass waiting for someone to scoop it up. Just then, the a-Nile-Ators' hired help decided to get in on the action, and as the crack of the chainsaw distracted and impacted the orcs' defensive forces, Helmut Wulf knocked star blitzer Kiro Stormaxe onto the turf, giving the A-Nile-Ators as good a chance as they could hope for. All Tufnutella had to do was scoop up the ball, and she was into the endzone, giving her team the one to nothing lead, halfway through the first half.

As the Goblin Referee counted his coins, the Helmut Wulf once more took his place on the pitch with the Ibisi girls, this time to defend. The Kick was decent and landed fairly close to Gan'Rul Bloodeye, the untrusted orc thrower who managed to pick up the ball and bring it towards Chuck Skudfungus. To the surprise of many in attendance, the handoff was a fake, and Zor Loneblow charged forward, crashed into Ibisi linewoman Nevfer Timid. Despite the unforeseen play, Helmut Wulf saw his opening, bursting over midfield and bringing his chainsaw to bear against Bloodeye, knocking down the thrower and popping the ball loose.

Battlewail took exception to the blatant attack on his thrower, and laid a crushing hit on Helmut, while Bloodeye regained consciousness and gathered up the ball once more. Finally the handoff was made to the soon-to-be-airborne goblin. With a mighty sigh from the projectile pipsqueak and an equally mighty grunt from the living catapult called Zor Loneblow, Skudfungus was in the air, sailing towards the endzone. The little guy hit the turf running and made his way frantically towards his goal, until he stepped on his own toes and fell flat on his face, knocking himself unconscious.

With the ball deep in the corner of the endzone, La Nuclear Turnip had just enough time to run in, pick up the ball and search out a target. Her long bomb pass was on the mark, and caught easily by newcomer Hiss Isis, who took four consecutive hits from the furious Spinebreakers before Steelfury was finally able to strip the ball away from her. The hometown Hero, Kiro Stormaxe, finally got his mitts on the ball but was unable to to escape coverage and took a spill himself. As Hiss Isis recovered the ball and attempted to hand off to Sun Bern, the sharp and dangerous dragon egg used as a ball caught her in the neck and sent her to the sideline for the remainder of the drive. There wasn't much of a drive left anyway, and the whistle blew for halftime. Both teams scrambled to the locker room as the coaches tried to convey some type of new strategy to the teams.

On the ensuing Kickoff a disgruntled Spinebreaker fan tossed his Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet at Kolark Bonefist, knocking the black orc face first into the pitch. Still Gan'rul Bloodeye managed to snag the ball and make a quick toss to Soran Steelfury who broke upfield. The resourceful Sand Witch was able to get a very lucky shot off on Steelfury, and the ball again came loose. As Grace Quirrel attempted to get to the ball, she fell, and the home town boys pressed on, led by Bloodeye who again grabbed the ball and made his way into a very protective orc pocket, searching for a receiver.

Enter Zaga Zig, and enter she did! A beauty of a hit sent Bloodeye sprawling on the ground and the ball was again loose. The only player who could get his hands on it was Soran Steelfury, who scooped up the ball and rumbled into the endzone for the tying score before Gan'rul could even open his weary eyes. 1-1 was the score and it was shaping up for a photo finish.

The next kick again saw the fans showing their love and support for the fielded teams. And another Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet came soaring out of the stands at Kolark Bonefist, this time however the very slow black orc was able to duck in time and the helmet hit A-Nile-Ators blitzer Arish Cream, knocking her unconscious. The kick landed right on the line of scrimmage and a total brawl ensued. A brilliant blitz By Kiro Stormaxe saw him make his way dangerously close to the goal. Steelfury shoved Sand Witch out of bounds and the crowed gave her a bit of a roughing up, but game-saver Nevfer Timid laid a beautiful hit on Stormaxe to keep him out of scoring position. With nothing left to do but scrum about for the ball, the whistle blew. Late game heroics from both squads!

MVPs of the match were Sun Bern for her excellent play, and Orok Deathbane who at times looked like he may do things. That's all from Razor Hill and Dragon Spine Stadium! Tune in to the MMBBL for more news and updates from our other games.

Victory isn't Always Pretty

This Tuesday, the Blueriver Wardoves hosted the Razor Hill Spinebreakers to determine who would come away with the coveted Spike! Tournament trophy. The weather was fine and the crowd sufficiently rowdy, all that was left to do was flip the coin and let slip the dogs of war. The two big dogs on the field this day were the quick, agile, and well-groomed Prince Moranian, and the big, big and very big Ripper.

As the elves kicked off to the orcs, it became evident that more that the usual amount of dogs had been, as it were, let slip. The kick sailed out of bounds and, by some terrible happenstance, hit the recent winner of the Miss Blueriver Pageant square in the face, dislodging several teeth, bending her nose awkwardly, and blackening her eye beyond even the most desperate of mascara touch-ups. Enraged by this affront to beauty, the elf fans stormed the pitch, apparently deciding to blame this affront to beauty on the least beautiful things on the field, namely the Spinebreakers. As the dust settled, nearly three quarters of the greenskin squad lay half-conscious on the ground, giving the Wardoves a fantastic opportunity to steal a quick point.

Luckily for the orcs, a few competent players yet remained standing, including line orc Mok Rawtar, who got the ball out of the path of the onrushing elves and fell in behind a pair of blockers who miraculously remained on their feet. The Wardoves pride themselves on their mobility, however, and blitzer Albiir Featherdeath put that skill on display early, ducking in around the protection to knock Rawtar over and the ball loose. Now as the rest of the orc team came out of their collective daze, they began to crowd the ball and keep anyone at all from picking the thing up. Prince Moranian, seeing an opportunity to strike, burst forward and laid out orc blocker Kolark Bonefist, dropping the hefty fellow onto the ball itself. The football bounced and rolled about in the pile of bodies, until it eventually found its way into the sausage-like grasp of Mok Rawtar once more!

Once again, Albiir Featherdeath moved to knock the lucky line orc senseless, but this time Rawtar was ready for him, dropping the elf on his backside with a thud. The orc line pressed steadily forward. Tsih Killwillow then made a rush of his own, lining Rawtar up for a dropkick, but only succeeding in stifling the orc's pace for a moment. Still, the orcish line surged forward! Finally beinging their physical skills to bear against the elves, the orcs began to shape the drive the way they would like it, first as blocker Borgosh Hellrage put out Ellbin Ivythorn's lights, and soon after as Ripper singled out Prince Moranian from the press of bodies and stunned the elven star, further clearing a path for the orc runner. With a mighty heave the orc line surged once more, but the final charge that the elves were anticipating from Mok Rawtar never came. With a rare act of selflessness, the line orc handed the ball off to teammate Kiro Stormaxe, and of course, Kiro being Kiro, the blitzer was out of coverage like a bolt of green lightn ing and into the end zone for the first point of the game.

The Wardoves were not discouraged, however. An offense with their speed and grace would not be discoraged by the amount of time the orc drive had chewed up, and neither were they bothered when the Spinebreakers burst quickly over the center line on a blitz. With Prince Moranian plowing a path through the orcs' line, Tsih Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose charged downfield like two birds of prey diving for a juicy Blueriver salmon. Several other elves made a move to surround and protect the football, and when Galthuk Battlewail laid a hit on Albiir Featherdeath, the elf blitzer calmly rolled with the hit, grabbed the ball from the gorund and ducked out of harm's way! Handing off quickly to the recently-returned Bendark Mossfang, Featherdeath provided protection as his quarterback hurled the ball downfield to the waiting Angruil Grimmrose, but the play was spoiled when Grimmrose failed to reel the ball in safely. The whistle blew and the half ended, with the Razor Hill Spinebreakers up one to nothing.

With play resuming, the Wardoves lined up to receive the kickoff. Quick movement on their part opened up the field for them early on, and the the kick was very deep, Bendark Mossfang was able to get to the football before the orc defense became a threat. With coverage pressing in, Mossfang made his choice and fired a pass to Tish Killwillow, but the pass drifted and fell to the ground. One can hardly blame Mossfang for the miscue, as he was tormented from start to finish on this drive by Godan Rockmaul, who shoved him down and kicked mud in his face at every opportunity. Away from the play, line orc Rok Straglash made his bid for most brutal play of the game by grabbing elf receiver Angruil Grimmrose by the shoulders and faceplanting him into the pitch. Grimmrose was in rough shape, but some attention from the Wardoves' medical staff fixed him up quickly. Tsih Killwillow, for his part, had no such trouble on his side of the field, cartwheeling past a blocker, leaping over the heads of two blitzers, grabbing the ball and dodging his way into the end zone, as well as the hearts of Blueriver Wardoves fans everywhere, tying the game at one.

With a high kick, the orc drive was back underway, and Kiro Stormaxe started things off by coolly fielding the kick and getting on his way up the pitch. The toweing Ripper lended a very big hand by knocking out line elf Bendyrm Cloudrender, and blockers Brakgul Bloodsnarl and Orok Deathbane did their part by crashing through the elves' defensive formation to set up the front side of a textbook orc running cage. The cage is strong, but never foolproof when the other side is just as determined as the cage team, and Prince Moranian proved this with a key blitz, wrestling a surprised Kiro Stormaxe to the dirt and freeing the ball to skitter away into the dogpile. A desperate grab by the freshly-returned Angruil Grimmrose was a bust, and the ball bounced on, this time into the waiting hands of Soran Steelfury. With a yell of triumph to alert his teammates, Steelfury triggered an herculean blocking frenzy which scattered the elf defenders left and right, clearing a path for the blitzer to dodge away from coverage and high-step his way over the goal line. Precious little time remained on the clock, and the moans from the saddened home crowd were drowned out by the roar of the visiting orc supporters.

The Wardoves, for their part, lost with grace. Pulling back from the line on the ensuing kickoff, Bendark Mossfang tossed a pass to Tsih Killwillow, and the Wardoves, without the time needed to make a nother trip to the end zone, bowed to their opponents as time expired. The Razor Hill Spinebreakers, roaring with the thrill of victory, had succeeded where so many other orc teams had failed. Honouring their ancestors and the entire orcish nation alike, this rough-around-the-edges group of green greenskins showed that, at least for today, Might does indeed make Right.

Despite the loss, the Wardoves have cause for celebration. Despite brutal injuries that would have sent lesser teams into a collective fetal crouch, the elves rebounded again and again from adversity, and one elf in particular had something big to show for it. Flanked by the gorgeous models from Spike! Magazine's "Swimsuit and Siege Weaponry" calendar, Tsih Killwillow was awarded the Spike! player of the year award. Look for his picture on the cover of Spike! next month, as well as his usual appearances in the Wardoves' calendars, posters, and limited edition collectors' plates!

MVP awards for the Spike! tournament finals went to Prince Moranian on the Wardoves' side, and to Galthuk Battlewail of the Spinebreakers for some keen, mean defensive play.

Talk about an underdog run, folks! Fighting their way through lizardmen, humans and elves, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers pulled through with just the latest in a long line of thrilling victories to claim their place in MMBBL history. Will they duplicate their success in the coming Winter season? Keep it locked on the MMBBL to find out!

Marathon Match: The Beard and the Beautiful

What a match! What a match, folks.

In the Deathdealer division finals this past week, with the Blueriver Wardoves visiting the Smash and Go'nads in a packed house at Fjord Stadium, MMBBL history was made as the longest match to date took double overtime to resolve. While we at the press office do our very best to convey the essence of the sport to you, we can truly say this time that for the full effect, you had to be there.

With regular favourite Prince Moranian taking the field with his elven comrades, and rookie line elf Kebler Fernblade making his debut, the Wardoves won the opening coin toss and chose to receive first. A high kick was fielded by Tsih Killwillow, and the offensive charge was spearheaded by Moranian, though the dwarves did well in holding the line. As Killwillow moved into the safety of a wide cage of offensive protection, Angruil Grimmrose coursed down the sideline on his familiar route. The dwarves began to show their might however, as Holden McGroin knocked out blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow and Gil T. Azell laid out Pynian Grassripper. With his protection collapsing, Killwillow left the pocket and dashed forward, leaving the Go'nads defenders in the dust before tossing the ball to Grimmrose, who was into the end zone for the first point before you could say "two-in-one shampoo and conditioner".

The following kick by the Wardoves was bad, and sailed out of bounds. Dick Gozinia started the play with ball in hand and began his march upfield. Leading the charge, of course, was the immense influence of Cludge Slamboni and his custom deathroller, the latter rolling right over the hapless Kebler Fernblade, putting the elf out of contention and likely eliminating his chances of competing through the rest of the playoffs. Intent on retaliating, elf blitzer Albiir Featherdeath charged headlong at dwarf runner Adam Meway, but would up knocking himself out when he was caught in the chin by Meway's helmet as the shorter player turned to face his assailant. Meanwhile, Dick Gozinia continued his steady pace up the middle of the pitch. Angruil Grimmrose made his bid to show his skill both defensively and offensively, leaping at Gozinia with the hope of knocking the ball free - but Dick stiff-armed the receiver into an early nap and kept wading through the pile-up towards his goal. nothing the elves could throw at him seemed to stick, and what's worse, Cludge Slamboni had turned his attentions to the talented Prince Moranian! With a sickening crunch, Moranian was trampled into the dirt, and was later dragged off-field and airlifted by wyvern to the Star Players' Special Hospital and Spa. With the way paved neatly as Herb Eaverstinks abruptly knocked out Tsih Killwillow, Dick Gozinia trundled his way into the end zone to tie the match at one apiece.

Little time remained int he opening frame, but the elves did manage to gain control of the ball, and the newly re-awakened Albiir Featherdeath managed a pass to Angruil Grimmrose before time expired. With an enthusiastic crowd and great efforts by both sides, the Deathdealer Division championship was looking like a great game already.

With the second half, many boos rained down from the elf sections of the audience, as the highly illegal Cludge Slamboni returned to the pitch. Later reports suggest that when the head referee noticed that every wagon close to his own int he parking lot outside was crushed to splinters, he decided that the deathroller was, in fact, a highly advanced form of protective codpiece. With the ruling, Slamboni wheeled his codpiece into place on the field and the second half was underway.

On the kickoff, the Wardoves were quick to jump out across half and make their move to get the ball before the dwarves knew what was going on. The dwarves were keen on this drive however, and Adam Meway had the ball securely under his arm by the time the elves were anywhere near him. From there, the Go'nads continued their punishing physical style of play, with Moe Lester and Achilles Punks knocking out Fhorin Bloodmeadow (again) and Ellbin Ivythorn, respectively. The tenacious dwarf guards seemed to have no trouble keeping the elf defense at bay, and when Albiir Featherdeath finally cracked the protection and made a hit on Adam Meway, the dwarf runner quickly dumped the ball behind himself into the waiting arms of the ever-alert Dick Gozinia. Unfortunately for him, Valandil Dreadlily was in the perfect position to drag Gozinia to the ground and knock the ball loose. Gozinia showed incredible resolve in getting back on his feet, blitzing through Dreadlily to the ball, and finally handing it off to blitzer Stu Padasso, who charged the rest of the way into the end zone, giving the Smash and Go'nads their first lead of the night.

With time of the essence, the Blueriver Wardoves now were in need of a point to keep their hopes alive. They got the help the needed in one form or another as, while Cludge Slamboni refreshed himself on the sideline, a handful of rowdy, presumably slightly-tipsy elves crashed through the South bleachers riding atop the deathroller! While most of the dwarves escaped their wrath, the Wardove Winos managed to knock a handful of them into a stupor, a situation which the elf team decided to take full advantage of. Storming over midfield, the elves quickly broke past dwarf coverage as Valandil Dreadlily got his hands on the football. Dreadlily then handed off to Dellin Finchtalon, who hurled the ball right to Tsih Killwillow, running in the clear down the sideline, catching the ball over his shoulder without stopping. Uncatchable at the best of times, Killwillow was unopposed in his run to the end zone, and with very little time left on the clock, it looked as though overtime were looming.

Again, the elves were moving quickly over the midfield line as soon as the ball was snapped. Luckily for the Go'nads, Adam Meway recovered the ball before a Wardove could lay a hand on it, and managed to hold on until time expired. To the delight of several thousand fans, this epic struggle would continue a while longer.

The Wardoves won the coin toss and began their drive in typical fashion, catching the defense off guard and immediately setting about their own style of play regardless of the opposition's tactics. Unfortunately for the elves, backup quarterback Valandil Dreadlily had some difficulty reigning in the ball from where it landed, possibly due to nerves. Eventually he got ahold of it though, and retreated with protection into the backfield while he waited for his receivers to get into the open. The receivers would prove to have a very difficult time of that, being literally up to their armpits in bearded defenders. It is, of course, nearly impossible to keep an elf caged for very long, and both Tish Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose managed to squeeze out of coverage and burst downfield. The stalwart dwarves caught up though, and Tish was knocked face-first into the pitch, leaving only Grimmrose in relative clear.

Things were going well for the elves until another bout of bad luck and brutal impact struck. dodging out of coverage to make a play, blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow took a very ugly spill, and was carted off the field with a brace around his neck. It was later learned that Bloodmeadow had actually fractured several vertebrae, and was lucky not to be paralyzed. The unfortunate meaning for the Wardoves is that their star blitzer's season is effectively over. To make matters worse, Drew Peacock finally caught up with and leveled Angruil Grimmrose, leaving the elves with very little in the way of offensive options. Desperate for a play, Dreadlily threw the ball up for Albiir Featherdeath, but the catch wasn't made, and time expired on the first overtime period with the teams still deadlocked at 2.

Depleted in number, the elves were forced to kick off to the dwarves and do their best to stop the beardy tide. Elite runner Dick Gozinia was quick to recover the ball, cutting back inside to the middle of the field and lining up behind a veritable wall of dwarves. The Wardoves managed to briefly level the playing field when Valandil Dreadlily knocked out Stu Padasso, but the Go'nads paid the elves back with interest when Phil DeGrave put Albiir Featherdeath out of the match for good. With Dick Gozinia passing midfield, the elves needed a stop, and a stop they did get. Pynian Grassripper proved the hero of the day as he knocked Gozinia down and swatted the ball free, then picked it up and hurled it with hope to Tsih Killwillow, downfield in coverage. The catch was good, and Tsih broke free, only to be pursued by Adam Meway and nearly caught once more. Tsih had all the right moves, though, and after breaking from coverage again, crossed the goal line to give the Wardoves the lead once more. A quick look to the clock confirmed the elf team's hopes - there was simply no way the dwarves could answer in time.

The final plays of the game were not much more than a formality, and at the end of it all, with a surly home crowd skulking away, the Blueriver Wardoves and their fans rejoiced in this incredible victory, and punched their tickets to the finals, back home at the Battlefield of Good Sport!

MVP awards for the match went to he Smash and Go'nads' Holden McGroin, and to the Wardoves' Bendyrm Cloudrender. Also of note were catcher Angruil Grimmrose's striking display of toughness, and Dick Gozinia's equally startling maneuverability.

The finals! Wardoves! Spinebreakers! Orcs and elves! Nothing else needs to be said - all that remains is to do.

Knights Survive Scrappy Shortstacks in Overtime Thriller

No one gave the Pancake Valley Shortstacks much credit, or much of a chance, all season long in the MMBBL. All that changed on Tuesday night, as these herculean halflings stood tall against the Fly-by Knights in a playoff match for the ages.

Valor Keepe Stadiumme was a strange sight to see. The Shortstacks fans in attendance outnumbered the Knights' faithful; perhaps the human team's fans thought that the victory was assured, that they'd save their cheers for the second round. Halfling visitors gladly scooped up their tickets, though, so proud they were to see their beloved Shortstacks make the playoffs in their first season.

The Shortstacks won the coin toss and chose to receive first. Perhaps the Knights were guilty of taking their small opponents lightly, perhaps they simply misread the play, but the halflings got the jump on the first half with a quick snap, and had their familiar aerial assault underway before anyone could react. Cream Sugarfoot, one of the halflings' brightest spots this season, fielded the ball and made his way forward, hading the ball off to teammate Tub Trollfodder. Trollfodder was scooped up by Mr. Tree, and launched down the pitch like a pasty rocket. Landing safely, Trollfodder scooted past the deep Knights defense and, reaching deep down for a final surge of energy, crossed the goal line. It was one to nothing for the Shortstacks, and their enthusiasm permeated the entire stadium.

The Knights, for their part, were by no means concerned for their chances. With Silver Elbow-contender Lance Freely fielding the football, the humans set about their own brand of offense, beginning with a crunch as Victor Dashing drove Cam Sizzlespam soundly into the dirt, nearly punching the halfling's mortal clock in the process. With the path cleared by his offensive line, Freely passed the ball forward to Stanley "Stainless" Steele, who made his move upfield and was over half in no time. What worked well on offense for the halflings would prove to work well on defense too, as Barkley Hobbittosser picked up and launched the little legend, Puggy Baconbreath, sending him soaring over the heads of man and half-man alike. Baconbreath landed cleanly, right in front of a bewildered Stanley Steele, and laid the nimble receiver out with a shot to the thigh. The ball came loose, but no one could get an immediate handle on it.

As the human linemen showed dominating force on the line of scrimmage, the mobile offense began to reform itself as Steele got to his feet and retrieved the wayward ball. Hobbittosser launched another halfling in an effort to recreated his previous success, but he landed far enough away for Steele to glimpse daylight. Plowing past his waist-high coverage, Stanley got into the clear and scored the tying touchdown.

A bad kick on the ensuing Shortstacks drive put the ball in the hands of Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat, who lined up right behind Mr. Tree. Try as they did, the Knights couldn't get to Fat Fat on the blitz, and the morbidly obese little fellow was soon airborne. Right down the middle of the field he flew, and with a surprisingly nimble display of dodging, he was into the end zone to restore the Shortstacks' lead. bewildered Knights fans could only look on with mouths agape - surely they couldn't keep making this play work, could they?

The Knights themselves decided that they'd need to match pace with the diminutive Shortstacks, if only to avoid wearing themselves out with drives that went on for several minutes. Another quick snap on the kickoff gave them the jump they needed, and Lance Freely launched another pass to his favourite target, Stanley Steele. Bolting down the sideline, Steele must have been too focused on speed, unaware of a large ham that had been dropped from the stands by a careless, most likely hungry and sad fan. Steel crashed over the ham and fell flat on his face, the ball squeezing free and resting beside him. Sloth Lovechunk of the Shortstacks was the first halfling on the scene, but his priorities shifted unfortunately upon seeing the discarded ham. forgetting the prone receiver and the ball, Lovechunk actually tripped over Steele himself en route to the glazed meat, and lost consciousness upon hitting the ground. As luck would have it, following up the play was the explosive Victor Dashing, who, unimpeded by hams and men, gathered up the ball and strode into the end zone to tie the score yet again.

believe it or not, with the score tied at two, there was still plenty of time left...in the first half! Once again, the Shortstacks' standard offense ran like clockwork, and the Knights found themselves powerless to stop it. Cream Sugarfoot fielded the kick, handed off to Douche Baggins, and Barkley Hobbittosser hurled the small fellow skyward. His landing stuck, Baggins bolted through the legs of a surprised human defender, and the lead was restored once more. The crowd was going crazy, there was an electricity in the air...but more on that later.

With little time to go in the first half, the Knights received again, but thrower Lance Freely was immediately beset by both the ferocious halflings and the jeers of their fans from all around him in the stadium. Unable to get a grip on the ball, Freely was soon surrounded by Shortstacks. They pushed him aside abruptly, taking Freely out of the play, and the determined halflings surrounded the ball. Jiff Jellyroll recovered the prize, but on his way downfield, the halftime whistle sounded. The Pancake Valley Shortstacks were leading three to two - could they hold on, or would the stunned Knights recover in the second period?

As the second half started, the effects of human beer on halfling physiology became evident, as a particularly belligerent little fellow lobbed what may have been his second bottle onto the pitch, clocking young Knights receiver Brad Attitûd in the back of the head. Enraged by this, the human fans present cried out for justice. An unnamed duke in attendance took particular exception to this foul play, and hurls his gauntlet onto the field as a challenge to the drunken halfling. The gauntlet caught Shortstacks player Fatty Fat Fat square in the head, and as the large lad was haled away on a stretcher, the crowd seemed to settle down, accepting this result as a substitute for conventional satisfaction of honour.

As play finally started, The ball came to Lance Freely, who again had trouble getting a handle on it. Seizing the opportunity, Barkley Hobbittosser planted his feet and pitched a surprised Tub Trollfodder into coverage. Trollfodder made his landing, and to the surprise of all, got hold of the ball, taking off downfield, hoping to score before his stomach caught up to him. Frustrated beyond belief, Freely charged after him, finally knocking the halfling out and getting the ball back. Not willing to push his luck by holding on to it any longer, Freely passed downfield to - guess who - Stanley Steele, who made the catch and was in the clear. The only thing between Steele and the end zone was clear, open air. He didn't even notice the smell of ozone, but felt its results immediately, when from out of the blue came a bolt which stunned the hard-luck catcher and dropped him to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

On the scene quickly was Cream Sugarfoot of the Shortstacks, picking up the smoking football and running like a bullet back up to his tree folk teammates. not quite able to make it, Sugarfoot passed to Tub Trollfodder, but the pass was dropped. It was the Knights' turn to be opportunistic now, and lineman Abraham Sandwich got hold of the ball. Barkley Hobbittosser, fixing to stop this renewed Knights surge, tossed Puggy Baconbreath into the mix, and Puggy landed on target, quickly pushing Sandwich down and stripping the ball from his arms. With chaos erupting everywhere, no one noticed as Chet Jackweed coolly shoved his halfling coverage into the stands before marching up to the ball, recovering it, and plowing his way into the end zone. after much effort, the Knights had tied the game again...but would the Shortstacks simply steal the lead back?

The answer, of course, was "yes, they would". he kickoff was clean, And saw Flapjack Porkbelly pick up the ball. He handed it off immediately to Pimpley Backfat, and Mr. Tree went through the motions, lobbing Backfat downfield where he landed cleanly. Try as they might, the Knights' deep defense could not find an answer to the dodges and dekes of these crafty halflings, and Pimpley Backfat made it 4-3 for the Shortstacks with graceful ease.

Down by a point with little time remaining, the Knights needed everyone to be playing perfectly on this last drive. Lance Freely fielded the high kick, and ran forward to make his throw go as far as possible. Barkley Hobbittosser loaded up Puggy Baconbreath and prepared to throw him at Freely, looking to end the game right there - but Baconbreath's pants became fouled in some branches, and the star player fell safely but pantless to the turf. Freely flung the ball into the air, and it came down in the hands of Stanley Steele. "Stainless" was off like a shot and into the end zone, and the whistle blew. the score was four points apiece, and we were going to overtime.

The Fly-by Knights won the coin toss and, not surprisingly, elected to receive. Much to the humans' delight, the halfling kick went out of bounds, and Lance Freely started the overtime period with the ball in his hands. What didn't go over so well was the heat - for whatever reason, nature had decided to test the players against the elements. despite the adverse conditions for an already tired team, Lance Freely found Stanley "Stainless" Steele open at the sidelines. Mr. Tree of the Shortstacks wasn't about to let him get away, and picked up Tub Trollfodder to chuck in Steele's general direction. the toss was quite good, but the landing was botched, and badly. Tub Trollfodder left the game with a badly mangled ankle, likely to slow the plucky halfling down in the future. With coverage blown, Steele was home free, and the Knights were glad to take an early lead in the overtime.

With the heat stifling both teams and exhausting their numbers, the Knights kicked off to the Shortstacks. Another bad kick saw the ball come directly to Douche Baggins, who was tossed downfield by Mr. Tree, only to land well short of his goal. In a panic, staring down a line of human defenders, Baggins retreated to the safety of the halfling front line, and handed off to Puggy Baconbreath just to be safe. With the sound of Barglesnart Livingstone banging on their figurative door, the frantic Shortstacks tried again, this time to great success. Puggy was airborne and landed in a matter of moments, and once again, the humans' deep defense couldn't contain the shifty halfling offense.

As the heat persisted, several more halflings simply couldn't take it, and refused to get out of the kitchen, where their team chef was making popsicles. To make matters worse, the referees had succumbed to heat exhaustion as well, and the remainder of the match was poised to proceed however its participants saw fit. Lance Freely may have been the lone cool head on the pitch, as he shovel-passed the ball to Stanley Steele. Looking for the stop, Barkley chucked Puggy Baconbreath into the way, but the star landed squarely on top of his own teammate, Pimpley Backfat. Though there was a great deal of confusion, both emerged unharmed, and Puggy got up to give Steele a mighty shove. Steele dodged the blow neatly and turned to run laterally and find an opening. Meanwhile, the halflings began the process of evening the odds, with Jiff Jellyroll and company shoving Tad Overdrest out of bounds. Pip Pieface was next to be thrown to glory, landing right next to Stanley Steele and lending a hand as Puggy Baconbreath bore down on the receiver. The hit was true, Steele went down and the ball squirted free to Pieface, and to make matters worse for the Knights, Baconbreath then proceeded to foul Steel outright, knocking the man out cold!

Puggy Baconbreath's rampage continued as he blitzed through Abraham Sandwich, clearing the path for Pip Pieface to get to a treeman. Chucked by Barkley Hobbittosser, Pieface was unable to stick the landing, though he himself was uninjured. On the spot was Lance Freely, who saw nothing but carnage all around him. Picking up the ball, moving to avoid pursuit, he looked...and found Cyrano de Baggagerack, open and not far from the end zone! That pass was up, deep, the longest pass of the night and in recent memory...and was caught! de Baggagerack hauled the ball in and stormed over the goal line, giving the Knights the lead for the first time, and with mere seconds remaining to play.

As the players took the field once more, the heat wave broke and turned to driving rain, further complicating things for any would-be ball carriers. As the kick landed, Puggy Baconbreath made his move to retrieve the ball...and lost his grip on it. Time expired, and the Knights' faithful rejoiced. A game for the ages had been played, nearly lost, and won by their beloved Blue and Green. You couldn't ask for a more exciting finish. The Shortstacks, for their part, were cheered relentlessly by their fans despite the loss, and shook hands with the humans after the game, with newfound respect and many words of support. Don't be surprised if, the next time you hear someone say that a halfling can't play Blood Bowl, it's a human who steps up to defend the small wonders.

MVPs of this incredible match were Cream Sugarfoot, the fast moving Pancake Valley Shortstack, and lineman Wamsley Wedgeworth of the Fly-by Knights. Also worthy of accolades were the impressively sure-footed Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat, and the alert pass-defending skill of Chet Jackweed.

What a finish, Sportsfiends! And the fun's only just started, as two more playoff matches are just over the horizon - the Blueriver Wardoves renew hostilities with the Sun Temple Chupacabras, while the Darkmire Carnosaurs square off against the Razor Hill Spinebreakers. See you then!

Kiro Still a Hero; Halflings Still at Zero

The Razor Hill Spinebreakers threw down a challenge to the Pancake Valley Shortstacks this weekend, daring the halflings to meet them in their home venue of Dragon Spine Arena. The halflings gleefully accepted, eager to sample the orcish cuisine known as "knuckle sandwiches". Either someone never told them what that means, or there were going to be some orcs with very sore hands.

The crowd was nearly evenly split by numbers, but the orc fans out-massed the halfling supporters by at least three or four times. Kicking off first, the halflings' lazy, high kick was fielded easily by Kiro Stormaxe, who set off immediately down the field. Orc strategy would depend largely on avoiding the Shortstacks' two enormous treemen. Brakgul Bloodsnarl missed that memo apparently, and simply took it upon himself to knock one of them over. Mr. Tree hit the dirt with a thunderous crash, but was unharmed. The pitch, however, had been given a sizable groove. Barkley Hobbittosser, the other massive treeman, responded with his usual wooden displeasure, slapping Spinebreakers' troll Zor Loneblow to the ground.

The Shortstacks, battle-ready but not completely foolhardy, drew themselves back, dodging nimbly away from the onrushing orcs, playing their style of zone defense to compensate for their small stature. Kiro Stormaxe saw the opening this created, but it was part of the plan for the halflings. No sooner than had Stormaxe made his cut out to the sideline, Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat came rolling through (no, seriously, he was not running) and shoved Stormaxe down under his ominous rolls. The ball squirted free into the crowd, and was nearly grabbed up by Pimpley Backfat.

Kiro Stormaxe, having shoved the bulbous Fat Fat aside, regained his footing and hunted for the loose ball. unable to pick it up cleanly, it bounced through the melee until blitzer Galthuk Battlewail managed to get ahold of it. In defense, Barkley Hobbittosser hurled an unsuspecting Jiff Jellyroll into coverage to stop him, but the halfling landed unconscious and was merely a speed bump on Battlewail's journey. Meanwhile, the path stayed relatively clear as the orc blockers, led by Kolark Bonefist, kept Mr. Tree on his stump indefinitely. Godan Rockmaul joined Kiro Stormaxe in blazing a path, and Galthuk Battlewail followed them up, joining his fellow blitzers in the end zone for a bit of a dance. The crowd went wild as the Orky Shuffle was born.

On defense now, the orcs kept to their game plan. The halflings looked for their quick tossing play to earn them a tying score, but when Mr. Tree lobbed Fatty Fat Fat skyward, the rotund fellow landed with as much grace as an ogre belly-flopping into a slaughterhouse. Zor Loneblow crashed once more into Mr. Tree, and both giants fell to the ground, though the treeman got the worst of it. as time ticked away, the Spinebreakers made every attempt to make life miserable for every halfling within arm's reach. Soran Steelfury brought his elbow down on Cam Sizzlespam, leaving him mangled and in need of some serious recuperation time.

With he ball unguarded, Gan'rul Bloodeye made his grab for it, but upon picking a target, bobbled the ball before he could get it away. In a last-ditch effort, Hobbittosser hurled the closest halfling available, Cream Sugarfoot, towards the ball, but the halfling stumbled trying to reach it. Time expired in the first half and the Razor Hill Spinebreakers held the lead going into the second half.

The halflings seemed all business upon their return to the field of play, but even their steely gazes earned them scorn from the loud, rowdy orc fans. To make matters worse, once the kick was put into play by the Spinebreakers, Douche Baggins was clocked with a well-placed stone from somewhere in the crowd. This angered the mighty Hobbittosser, and his first course of action was to knock out Brakgul Bloodsnarl with a swat of his massive arm that sent the blocker hurtling directly into the infirmary to sleep it off. In the confusion, Douche Baggins had managed to right himself and made a run for the end zone with the ball. Soran Steelfury was on him in a heartbeat, however, and Baggins was clobbered soundly, needing to be dragged off by the coaching staff.

Barkley Hobbittosser seemed content to keep up his strategy of hurling halflings headlong into harm's way, but his sweaty, terrified teammates quickly became too slippery to get a good grip on. Tumbling from his grip as if they had been secreting butter from every pore, Hobbittosser had to look for drier projectiles or simply resort to smashing things first-hand. Halfling #7, Dip Deadweight, got ahold of the football, but was laid out by the big fist of Godan Rockmaul, who retrieved the ball and started downfield. The hits kept coming as Borgosh Hellrage joined the charge, putting Cream Sugarfoot on his backside and doing his bes to keep pace with Steelfury, who knocked out Tub Trollfodder and kept going.

Finally, Hobbittosser was able to get a grip on a halfling, and hurled a dazed Flapjack Porkbelly into coverage. Desperately needing a stop, Sloth Lovechunk dashed in, vaulted over his fallen comrade, and punched Soran Steelfury square in the nose! Steelfury lost his grip on the ball, and Lovechunk gathered it up and pitched it as far downfield as he could. There waiting, however, was Gan'rul Bloodeye. After bobbling the ball yet again, it seemed there might be a chance for the halflings, but Dip Deadweight, on whom all hope was riding, tripped over the foot of the orc he was escaping from and fell head-first onto a discarded armour spike, reducing him to brain-kabobs. Finally getting his act together, and perhaps inspired by this recent gruesome development, Bloodeye tossed the ball to Kiro Stormaxe in the open, and Stormaxe ran unhindered into the end zone just as time expired. The final score - two to nothing for the Razor Hill Spinebreakers.

The match MVP awards for this game went to Cream Sugarfoot of the Shortstacks, and Soran Steelfury of the Spinebreakers, who played very strongly, keeping the opponent at a distance while running through coverage. Also notable were fellow blitzers Godan Rockmaul and Galthuk Battlewail, who were twin pinnacles of defense throughout the match. With role models like Beef Bigaxe and Raziek Bloodrage to look up to, is it any wonder that these orcs are rushing headlong towards greatness?

High Adrenaline and Low Scores

Week 4 MMBBL action continues with the report from Deathbed Arena, where the Smash and Go'nads were visiting the BloodDrunk Berserkers for some intense Deathdealer action! The Berserkers, being an expansion squad, had a decent turnout, but were slightly overshadowed by the presence of Go'nads fans, who've seen a remarkable surge of support since their trip to the Blood Bowl finals last season.

Outnumbered though they may have been, the chaos fans showed their enthusiasm early, as what appeared to be an entire sacrificial goat was hurled from the crowd to land squarely on top of dwarf defender Achilles Punks, who was slower than usual to get up. The ball came into the hands of Face Eater, Berserkers beastman, who was immediately off and running for the other end of the field. Quick to lend a "block" was Max Spleenripper, hired on to do as much damage as possible before the officials removed him from the pitch. Unfortunately for Spleenripper, after laying a slash through Achilles Punks' armour, he was toppled by an enraged Herb Eaverstinks and was too grievously wounded to continue.

The dwarves were beginning to win the blocking game, but already the theme of the drive had shifted, as the much faster beastmen scrambled to take out anyone in Face Eater's way. A trio of them ganged up on Drew Peacock to punch a hole in the wide defense, and Face Eater charged through untouched. With no hope of catching him, the Go'nads' defense continued to grapple with the Berserkers' offensive line until at last, Face Eater ran the football in for the touchdown.

On the ensuing kickoff, the dwarves started to get dirty, with blitzer Moe Lester emphatically kicking a downed beastman in the kidneys. Unfortunately for the Go'nads, Lester was anything but subtle, and the surly fellow was ejected from the match, reportedly leaving the stadium altogether to take in the local pub scene. Meanwhile the more talented of the dwarf players, the dynamic running duo of Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, were enjoying more conventional successes, making their way steadily downfield. Time was not on their side, though, and the clock ran down before their play could develop into a point on the board. At halftime, the score was 1-0 for the BloodDrunk Berserkers.

After the break, with the Smash and Go'nads receiving, another case of projectile enthusiasm erupted from the stands. In retaliation for the sacrificial goat which landed on Achilles Punks, it seemed that Moe Lester had returned in disguise, and managed to sneak a cow into the upper deck where dozens of dwarf fans were watching. Their combined efforts heaved the bewildered bovine over the guardrail and onto the pitch below, Where it impacted on beastman Gutripper. With the distraction in effect, Adam Meway retrieved the ball and began to gallop downfield. He was pursued and eventually tackled by Warheart, but not before he had a chance to lob the ball to his partner in crime, Dick Gozinia. The bait and switch was played perfectly, and Gozinia tied the game on his trip to the end zone.

The score now tied, the Berserkers still had the advantage and could play the clock - as long as their line held up. Enter Cludge Slamboni and his deathroller to bolster the dwarven defense. As the next drive began, Face eater experienced some difficulty getting the ball into his mitts. Eventually, he reined it in and fired a long, high pass to Killrock the Hated. The dwarves were all over it, though, and the ball was back in beardy hands before long, shifting the advantage once more.

with the shift of fortunes came a shift in tactics as well, as the Smash and Go'nads put a little extra "smash" on their game. While Herb Eaverstinks and Achilles Punks put a waist-high hurting on an assortment of beastmen, Cludge Slamboni turned the Berserkers line into a bloody pavement, marking two significant casualties and any number of stubbed toes. Unfortunately for the dwarves, the clock ran down amid their gleeful pummeling, and the match ended in a 1-1 draw.

Match MVPs were earned by Wrathmore of the BloodDrunk Berserkers, and hard-hitting Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads. Also notable was Achilles Punks' uncanny ability to maneuver himself into all kinds of positive coverage, and Dick Gozinia's ferocious forward blocking, as when he made a cover-worthy stiff-arm on his way to the end zone.

Next on the docket, the Blueriver Wardoves and the Blackwater Bilgerunners, the two most nimble and acrobatic squads in the league, square off in a battle of olfactory extremes!

Skinks Sink Stinkers

This week's action from Deathdealer Division is coming right at you, sportsfiends! First on the slate, the woeful Muenster Valley Stinkers host the surprising Sun Temple Chupacabras at Fort Muenster Cheeseyard. Right from the outset, it was clear who the favourites were. More than two thirds of the spectators on hand were there in support of the Chupacabras, and this despite the questionable implications of anyone but a goblin going anywhere near a goblin-run arena.

The lizardmen won the coin toss and elected to receive first. The Stinkers defense was missing one of its biggest contributors - Windmill Widegut, who was sitting this one out with a moderate concussion sustained against the Smash and Go'nads. In his place, however, stood mercenary troll Gurch Squatlaunch - maybe not the best money can buy, but certainly something that some money can rent. To the Stinkers' delight, he proved to be on the same page as the rest of the team from the get-go, as he set a blitz in motion on the first kickoff. The play seemed to have rattled the lizard offense, as a handoff from Harpo to Mondo Xtopilopicoatl was bobbled and dropped. The Stinkers pressed the brief advantage as Whirly Early unraveled his ball and chain to knock a pair of saurus on their backsides. Gurch further proved his worth by hitting Tyrannosaurus Sex with a double-arm slam that left the rapacious reptile seeing stars as he was hauled off the pitch to the infirmary. Again the skinks worked at their running play, and this time Harpo successfully handed off to his brother Pablo, who cruised down the sideline, escorted by El Mucho Grande. Stinker Fleestone of the goblins attempted to stop the crafty skink, but he proved entirely too slippery, breaking free of coverage and running the ball in for the touchdown.

A lucky break struck for the Stinkers as the Chupacabras kicked to them. The ball sailed out of bounds and the touchback went to Gassy Pinchflick, newcomer and soon-to-be-airborne goblin wheeler. Thudd Thuddler hurled him skyward, but the landing left much to be desired. The lizardmen made a move to recover the football, and though his first try failed, eventually Pablo Xtopilopicoatl scooped it up and made his way up the field. Pablo then handed off to brother Meepo, who mirrored his brother's previous touchdown run with a streak down the sideline. Just like that, the score was 2-0 for the Sun temple Chupacabras.

At this point, the Chupacabras' fans were roaring, but somehow their joy was matched by the angry bellowing of the smaller goblin contingent. It is speculated that though the goblins' voices were relatively quiet, their collective breath was loud enough to split stone and raise the dead. A second bad kick from the lizardmen landed right at midfield, but in such a way that neither skink nor stinker could get a solid hold of it before being tripped up or shoved away. The referees managed to pick something up, however, as Gassy Pinchflick was tossed out for a half-hearted foul on El Legarto Terrible. Finally, Stinker Fleestone managed to get a grip on the football, and immediately thereafter was lobbed downfield by Thudd Thuddler. The throw proved just short of the end zone, and the whistle blew before Fleestone could make a run for it. At halftime, the Chupacabras remained in the lead, two scores to none.

After the break, with the Stinkers receiving once more, you could see in their eyes the sense of desperation. The kick this time was much better, and fielded poorly by Dab Lobsnot. Lobsnot was subsequently pushed aside by his own teammate, Kicky Mudgob, who had little trouble with the ball and was thereafter heaved aloft by the towering Thudd Thuddler. Thuddler's aim was true, and Mudgob's landing immaculate. a quick bob and weave around the bewildered skink safety and the goblins had their first point of the game.

While the goblin touchdown has a great effect on the morale of the hometown fans, it absolutely enraged the Chupacabras' supporters. As the Stinkers kicked off, an errant thighbone was thrown out of the upper deck and pegged Thudd Thuddler squarely in the back of his skull, just below he helmet. The troll fell flat on his face, but the looks on the faces of the lizardmen were not smiles and smirks. With the troll out of the way, they caught a glimpse of Blaggat Horkbag, casually tossing a bomb from hand to hand. They looked to the referee, but he was far too busy counting a handful of money to pay any attention. Horkbag let fly his explosives, and the blast plowed through Mondo Xtopilopicoatl, severely damaging the skink's hip joint. Luckily, the skilled priests of the Sun Temple were able to mend the fallen player. Despite the smoke and blasted turf, the Chupacabras held to their game plan and Meepo Xtopilopicoatl found the ball. Running headlong down the sideline with support from Reptar the Reprehensible and Harpo, Meepo proved untouchable and the two-point lead was restored as he crossed the goal line.

As the game began to slip away from them, the stinkers showed signs of faltering across the field. The Chupacabras were able to read their offense perfectly and reordered themselves to exploit its weaknesses. Gurch Squatlaunch pitched ball carrier Nudgy Bangfart down the field, but the latter landed on his head rather than his feet. As Bangfart was about to get up again, he found himself surrounded by skinks, and a sharp kick to the temple from Sue Xtopilopicoatl put him out with a bad case of the won't-wake-ups. The bad breaks kept coming as El Mucho Grande knocked out Bumgo Butterbomb and Pablo Xtopilopicoatl turned a blitz by Ziddy Blotch into a comatose goblin.With that, Pablo scooped up the football and took off like a shot for the end zone. With nothing but hope left in the playbook, Gurch Squatlaunch threw Kicky Mudgob towards the streaking skink, and miraculously the goblin didn't crash. Hitting the ground running, Mudgob plowed into Pablo and knocked the skink flat. The ball careened into the stands and, in typical goblin fashion, was booted back into play before anyone got any ideas about going in after it. Right on the spot was Gecko, but the run took too much out of him, and he fell, exhausted, before crossing the goal line. With not so much as a gasp left in the lungs of anyone present, time ran out, with the final score sitting at 3-1 for the Sun Temple Chupacabras.

Match MVPs were Blaggat Horkbag of the Stinkers, and Reptar the Reprehensible of the Chupacabras, no doubt for his strong supportive blocking on Meepo Xtopilopicoatl's touchdown run. Notable as well were Meepo himself, who worked his way out of coverage with some incredible footwork, and Sue, who displayed remarkable agility throughout the contest. after the match, the Chupacabras' skinks were noticeably excited, and the reason became clear in a press conference, as the father of the many Xtopilopicoatl brothers, "Big Poppa" Xtopilopicoatl, joined the team in the position of Thunder Lizard. This potent offense is 2 and 0 in its young history, and the addition of a Kroxigor on the front line will make them a powerhouse on both sides of the ball.

Tune in again soon for all the highlights from the Smash and Go'nads' match against the BloodDrunk Berserkers!

Go'nads Go Further after Riotous Match

Group 1 semifinal action coming at you, but don't read it all in one bite, this one's hot! The Smash and Go'nads, coming off their victory against the Bloodsand Blasters, would do battle against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, who racked up an impressive score against the Brutakai Ragefangs on their way here. Only one of these two teams would get a card for the big dance, so let's see who had the best moves!

Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.

Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.

The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.

Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.

Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.

The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?

It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.

With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.

So, the dwarves triumph, and their playoff run shows a remarkable turnaround from their mediocre play in the regular season. The Bilgerunners, for their part, will be back again soon, hungry as ever. One more semifinal to go, folks, and it's off to the Blood Bowl Championship Game!

Dirt Bursters Take Out Takedown

With one of the four quarter-final matches in the books, we bring you contest number two - the returning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters versus newcomers the Traumatic Takedown. it's easy to guess who the favourite was in this one, but don't for a second think that the chaos dwarves, centaurs and hobgoblins of the Takedown might simply have rolled over. They once again bulked up their line for this match, bringing in favourites like Morg N'Thorg and Zzharg Madeye to add some punch and pizazz. The weather was fine, the fans were roaring, and the first kickoff went to the Dirt Bursters.

The kick sailed high and slow enough for ghoul runner Chompsalot to get under the ball and catch it smartly. With that, the undead squad members set about their respective tasks, starting with Lez White the Wight. Whether for the intimidation factor or simply for the love of it, Lez crashed forward into a hapless journeyman hobgoblin, caving in the latter's skull and gorging himself on the soft, chewy center. Not to be outdone by his little buddy, Magut the mummy brought his wrath to bear on line dwarf Buster Kneecaps, though with less permanent results, only putting Kneecaps out for the rest of the game. With the ghoul rush in full swing, the Takedown looked to Morg N'Thorg for inspiration, as the star ogre used his superior size to knock out the plucky Lanks McBreak. The battle of attrition would be won by the Dirt Bursters, though, as the other mummy terror, Khermit, leveled Charlie Horse to the pitch, leaving medical staff to cart him away to heal in the off season. With the defense already dwindling, Chompsalot had no true obstacles to his first score of the game. 1-0 Dirt Bursters, with the crowd going wild.

Undermanned but hoping still to spring back, the Traumatic Takedown lined up to receive. The undead kickoff was exceptional, however, and Perry Carditis, the Takedown's hobgoblin quarterback, had a devil of a time getting on his way to retrieve the football. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, decided to press their current manpower advantage, and under the combined power of mummies, wights and zombies, the chaos dwarf defense crumbled. Blazing past Carditis went newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot, the controversial rookie who took over Ol Teabagger's #15 on the roster. Controversy was ignored by the Dirt Bursters fans, however, as Bagrot grabbed the ball and charged downfield for a quick second score.

Enough time remained on the clock, and the fans were bellowing for some last-second heroics, but unfortunately the half whistle blew before the Takedown could get organized on offense. Luckily, they would receive again at the start of the second half, hopefully to close the gap that the undead had opened up.

As the teams returned, it was evident that certain protocols of secret weaponry were being ignored, for the confident stride of Zzharg Madeye onto the field contradicted his apparent ejection after the first half. The refs were letting it slide, though, and the Dirt Bursters kicked off to restart the hostilities. Madeye must have missed the kickoff while jawing with an undead heckler, because the ball dropped right next to him without even so much as an attempt to grab it. The thunder of undead footsteps quickly reminded him of where he was, and after loading the ball into the muzzle of his blunderbuss, Zzharg fired the blackened squigskin downfield, into the waiting arms of hobgoblin catcher Plex Fracture. With most of the undead still stampeding down the pitch to get to Madeye, they had little time to turn and chase after Fracture, who ran through some remaining coverage and brought the Takedown within a point, putting up the touchdown for the chaos dwarves. As Zzharg Madeye returned to the dugout, the officials decided at last to eject him for good, and a scowling Madeye hurled his blunderbuss into the crowd in protest before being shown the door.

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, as many have learned, are never content to sit on a one-point lead, and today was no exception. The high kickoff went to Chompsalot, but the ghoul couldn't hold on for the catch. Picking the football up from where it lay, then falling in with the protection of his fellow ghouls and helpful wights, Chompsalot became the focal point of a nigh-impenetrable undead offensive push. Resistance came, of course, but was rebuffed at every turn. Stumps O'Boggy, the slow but certain dispenser of doom, laid out another hobgoblin journeyman and adding another notch to the body count. The mighty Morg N'Thorg, though strong and capable, was awash in a sea of rot, and was brought down in a heap by the feisty Lanks McBreak. Still more pain was to be perpetrated by the Dirt Bursters as Lez White earned his second casualty of the night, putting the Buccinator out of contention for the remainder of the game. Again, the chaos dwarf resources were exhausted, and again Chompsalot was given a free pass to the end zone, putting the score up to 3-1 and restoring the two point cushion.

Down but not quite out, the remaining members of the Traumatic Takedown took to the field with Morg N'Thorg front and center. As the kickoff went up, a bit of unregulated enthusiasm came out of the stands, as Ortho Pnoea of the Takedown was stunned by a chunk of disturbingly-aged cheese chucked from the second deck. No sooner than he had dropped to the pitch, a shot rang out from the opposite side of the field, as the fan who had recovered Zzharg Madeye's blunderbuss took aim and unloaded at wight blocker No Guts Bob. The shot, filled with an assortment of cutlery, rocks, gunpowder and toenail clippings, bored a watermelon-sized hole in No Guts Bob's, well, guts, and a necromantic first-response team carted him away to the sidelines. Luckily for Bob, he was indeed gutless, and recovered from the injury with ease.

Looking for a sure thing as he picked up the ball, Perry Carditis saw nothing but double coverage all over the field - not a receiver in sight! But, seeing the hulking from of Morg N'Thorg pummeling zombies led him to pass the ball in that direction. With a cry of "Hey! Morg!", the hobgoblin quarterback hurled a pass to the ogre, who caught it, shrugged with little enthusiasm, and began to wade through the bodies of his enemies in the direction of the end zone. Pushing and shoving his way through the line, Morg seemed like the only thing going right for the Takedown, as Khermit the mummy earned his second round of brutal approval by clobbering centaur runner Dead Leg and putting him out of commission. The undead line began to shift away from the fallen dwarves and hobgoblins to confront Morg N'Thorg, and there proved to be enough resistance as Magut knocked the big guy to the dirt. On the spot immediately was the ghoul Ned Gummers, who was well on his way to the end zone the moment he snatched up the ball. Before he made it there, Plex Fracture was called on a foul against a downed zombie, but it mattered little. Time expired as Gummers crossed the goal line, and the Dirt Bursters were on their way to a semifinals berth. The final score - 4-1 for the returning champions.

Match MVPs for this quarter-final bout were Dead Leg of the Traumatic Takedown, displaying remarkable agility for someone with so many legs to look after, and Lanks McBreak of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who did the impossible in containing the mighty Morg N'Thorg almost single-handedly with timely blocks and tackles. Once again making a name for himself was Chompsalot the ghoul, who leaped and scrambled his way to two touchdowns in the contest.

Another day, another contender eliminated! Respect to the Takedown is due for taking on the champs in two consecutive matches, and we look forward to seeing more of them in the future! Tune in again soon for the next quarter-final summary!

Chompsalot Romps (a Lot!) in Victory

Thanks go out to you, Coach Wrangler, for another entertaining installment of the Gameday Journal!

The final challenge match of the blood Bowl regular season took place last night, with the upstart Traumatic Takedown looking to crack the tough nut that is the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, no doubt looking to capitalize on the recent departure of the league's top player, Ol' Teabagger. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, needed to prove that they weren't simply a support crew for the Man.

Under a pleasant evening sky, in a stadium predominantly occupied by apprehensive undead fans, the Traumatic Takedown kicked off to start the Dirt Bursters' first offensive drive. Notably present on the pitch for the Takedown were both the hulking form of the impressive Morg N'Thorg, brought in to offset the threat of undead mummies, and Zzharg Madeye, well-known (but rarely penalized) for his impressive ball-chucking blunderbuss. With their help and a little luck, the chaos dwarf squad hoped to pull off a stunning upset to end the regular season.

Not long after the kick had landed, the Dirt Bursters began their assault, quite literally. The favourite son of Dusk Hill brought the crowd to its feet and/or stumps early on when he hurled himself madly onto centaur Charlie Horse, causing enough damage to the four-legged player to leave him crippled for the remainder of the game. Meanwhile, Ned Gummers grabbed the ball from where it lay and began his drive to the end zone. He might have chosen a better trajectory though, for not long after he gained possession he was knocked flat by Morg N'Thorg, and would not wake up until some time later. Right up behind the fallen Gummers was fellow ghoul Chompsalot, and the nimble nibbler soon had retrieved what his teammate had lost. Helping to clear the path was yet a third ghoul, the up-and-coming Bahnaynay, who shoved dwarf lineman Buster Kneecaps into the stands where he was, unfortunately, maimed to a reasonably great degree. Kneecaps is expected to miss the first game of the playoffs due to the injury. In what proved to be a compelling argument in support of firearms, Zzharg Madeye proved to be the last line of defense for the Takedown. To his credit, he smacked Chompsalot hard enough to dislodge the ball and a few teeth, but the wily ghoul got back up immediately and was into the end zone before the furious dwarf could react.

With their numbers dwindling already due to injury and ejections, the Traumatic Takedown needed to make good on every opportunity if they were to stand a chance. After a high kick fell into the arms of Perry Carditis, the hobgoblins showed their inexperience as Ortho Pnoea dropped an easy catch from his teammate. To make matters worse, Magut the mummy was back on the rampage after an uncharacteristically friendly season, slamming into Splenic Pain of the Takedown. Pain was recovered from the pitch and pronounced dead, but the apothecaries took him out back in a series of buckets, then returned to pronounce him "not dead." Still, mortal tissue being what it is, we don't expect to see what remains of this dwarf for a while. Amidst the chaos, Chompsalot the ghoul had once again found his way to the ball after the Takedown's miscue, and with uncanny ease he shuffled off to the end zone for yet another touchdown.

The players lined up for a final play to close out the first half, but despite the Dirt Bursters' eagerness to score again on the blitz, time expired prior to any potential playmaking. At the half, the score was two to nothing for the Dusk Hill denizens.

We aren't sure how they swung it, but when the second half started, there was Zzharg Madeye once more, blunderbuss slung over his shoulder. Booed incessantly by the crowd, Madeye calmly received the kickoff from the Dirt Bursters, and shot the football to Ortho Pnoea before watching the dwarf line collapse under pressure from the mummies and wights of the Dirt Bursters. A seemingly foolproof plan was forming in the minds of the Takedown, however, as Pnoea then handed off to Morg N'Thorg. It would take much more than a random zombie or ghoul to knock that guy over.

Unfortunately for the Traumatic Takedown, the Dirt Bursters did just that. Getting behind the effort of Khermit the mummy, multiple Dirt Bursters players assisted as the towering ogre was toppled to the earth. In the confusion, the Takedown did exact some small amount of revenge, as Perry Carditis sneaked a vicious kick to the fallen Magut, who was not seriously harmed. What followed next was a truly bizarre occurrence. Newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot was leveled by dwarf lineman Third Degree Bernie...who has been dead for nearly the entire season. Closer inspection of the play revealed that a fanatical spectator, enraged that someone had taken Ol' Teabagger's roster spot, stormed onto the field to remove the supposed usurper. Bagrot would miss the rest of the game, and the fanatic was ejected from the match courtesy of this week's major sponsor, Murving's Used Catapults. As play continued, Khermit the mummy continued to haunt Morg N'Thorg with the assistance of several smaller undead. Chompsalot was nearly in the clear, with only the frantic Zzharg Madeye with a chance to stop him. The effort was there, but the results were unremarkable, and Chompsalot managed his third - yes, third - touchdown of the day. Hats rained down from the stands, among them caps, helms, feathered monstrosities and the occasional groaning head. As the stadium grounds crew cleaned up, the scoreboard read 3-0 for the Dirt Bursters.

With barely any time left for another play, the Dirt Bursters pulled their ghouls back into a safer position, but the move proved less than important as the remaining defenders on the line opted to blitz. the kickoff was bad, and resulted in a touchback, and the ball went to Perry Carditis of the Takedown. Carditis completed a pass to Ortho Pnoea, but the latter was quickly run down and stripped of the ball by Chompsalot, who tossed it to Ned Gummers for safe keeping. With nothing left to do but wait, Lanks McBreak gave the undead fans one more thing to cheer about, as he throttled Busitis Olecranon bad enough to warrant some time off at the start of the playoffs. The whistle blew, and the game ended, a decisive victory for the mighty Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.

Match MVP awards went to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters in what was assumed to be a typo, and to Plex Fracture of the Traumatic Takedown, who was not particularly deserving either. More impressive accolades went to Magut the mummy for his unstoppable urge to throw a hit at anything that so much as looked at him and a few things which didn't see him coming at all.

That's it, folks. The regular season is over and done and the brackets are set for the Blood Bowl tournament playoffs! The brackets will be up for viewing shortly, and the first quarterfinals matches will be taking place this Sunday. See you then!

A Double Dose of Doves! An Awful lot of Orcs!

It's your favorite Coach Wrangler here, taking a break from herding those havoc heralding homeboys who haphazardly head our favorite teams.

Once again, I'm scribing the following matches somewhat live from the best seats, whilst a P.A.G.E. scribes down what I say. That's a Pen Arcanely Granted Expatiation, the latest magical convenience I've acquired recently.

As I look around, I see the 21,000 fans piling into their seats below me. Only one third of these seem to be here to see the Brutakai Ragefangs, whilst the rest have arrived in their silvers, whites and blues to cheer on the Wardoves! The High Elves from Blueriver will have the fan support tonight, that's for sure!

The coin toss is made, and the Doves are up to kick first. A gust of wind blows the ball through the clear blue sky and lands right in the grass next to Krak Toothsnapper, a thrower. What luck for the Ragefangs! They're forming the cage right away around the ball, an always-smart maneuver for a tough band of Greenskins. The Doves have always had trouble with this one, but their Coach seems to have thought up a counter-strategy. Yes, he's setting the team up like a wall in front of the cage, with not even a lineman within arm's reach of the Orcs' frontmen. This is gonna be a slow one!

They march towards the Elven line, and I see Xarnak Bloodrage has burst through! The Doves' wall hangs back a bit and I see the Elves going to deal with the Ragefang Blitzer. Around the sides of the cage formation I see some Elves slipping around. Oooh! Star Catcher Tsih Killwillow just took a mean stomping from equally famed blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Picking up the trash is elf blitzer Albiir Featherdeath, who slips into the back of the cage after knocking Line orc Holo Axegut out cold! He's face to face with ball-carrier Krak Toothsnapper.

Tsih is up again, and I see him scramble back around to fill in a gap left in the Wardoves' wall formation. By the gods! I can't explain it in any other way but...the cage formation just erupted into a green tornado! Violence aplenty, and most important to the orcs, that ruthless blitzer Featherdeath is well out of Krak's face now. Xarnak Bloodrage and rightly-named Brax Elfeater sandwich the hapless elven lineman Pynian Grassripper, and the Bloodrage Blitzer slips away and is mere feet from the Wardove end zone! The elven wall is crumbling, folks...

The Wardoves have thrown caution to the wind now, and a brawl has erupted deep in their side of the pitch. The Elves are focusing their blocking on Krak, who stubbornly refuses to give up the ball but...wait! The ball is loose! Krak has been knocked over and the ball is free! It's landed just outside of the fracas. Featherdeath got him back in the end, it seems. What was that wet crack I just heard? Ouch! It seems that Kragor Clawfang has put his 3-MVP winning fists to good work and sends elf catcher Angruil Grimmrose out. We'll have to see if the Apothecaries can get him back in shape.

The Ragefangs are showing the Doves just who is better in the blocking game here, and an impressive chain of blocks have shoved the elven defense out of the brawl. Orc lineman Rigor Stonestomper is in possession of the ball now. Ooof! Xarnak just took a spill, and there's line elf Stryth Leafmauler putting his cleats on his face! The ref didn't notice it seems. Ha! Them's the breaks Mr.Bloodrage! Krak is handed the ball again, and is suddenly beset by elves from all sides! Elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow comes out of nowhere and gives an impressive toss to Albiir Featherdeath who dekes out the last orc in his way before crossing the Ragefang end zone! That elf can sure run! Wow! 1-0 Wardoves!

I've just heard back from the Wardoves' infirmary that Angruil Grimmrose is back up and running for the next drive. And here it comes... though, to be honest there's not much time left on the clock for the first half.

Wardoves kick, and a quick snap from the Ragefangs allows line orc Ruushnak Nightwrath the chance to catch the kick and toss it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. A few blocks get thrown, even by the heartthrob Tsih Killwillow, who K.O.'s Xarnak Bloodrage. The Wardoves back-flip away from the orc line and as a lead in to some kind of halftime show, begin an impressive dance as the ref blows the whistle. You got served, Clan Brutakai!

Taunting an orc, however, is never wise. Especially with dance. It seems from now on this friendly rivalry will become a lot less civil. I'd watch my back if I was a high elf from Blueriver.

The orcs set up to kick for the first drive of the second half. This time the elves are on the ball with a quick snap. Potential Silver Elbow-winner Bendark Mossfang puts his foot on the ball while watching the rest of the team play their beginning tactics. Tsih smashes past the wide zone orcish line with an assist, stunning black orc Kozu Ironhide and slipping into the orcish defense. His efforts are met with a stunning blow from the orc gauntlet, a new defensive play by the Ragefangs. Raziek Bloodrage wipes the glitter off his hands and the orc captain calls his greenskins to keep the line steady.

Elves slip past the orc line from all sides, while elf thrower Mossfang kicks the ball nonchalantly into his hands and stays deep in his own side of the pitch. We know those keen eyes are just waiting for an open catcher. Orcs are surrounding the elven offense now, though I see Angruil signaling for a pass. Mossfang makes his throw! Or... wait! No! He's dropped it! Bendark's dropped the ball at his own feet! Black orc Kozu Ironhide plows into the elven thrower and I think he's unconscious. Xarnak Bloodrage, orc blitzer, nails Albiir Featherdeath to the ground and judging from the blood I think he's out for the game, folks. Raziek Bloodrage races in to scoop up the ball. The elven offense scrambles back to try to salvage the situation. Are those pointy-eared treehuggers fast or what?! Raziek is down, and the ball is free again. Mossfang is up and he picks up the ball with a steely look of determination on his fine features. He runs a circle around the orcish offensive line and... He doesn't pass it but hands it off to line elf Mlalyn Firefawn, who runs even farther up the field. He makes the pass to Fhorin Bloodmeadow! Touchdown! It's 2-0 for the Wardoves, and not too much time left for the Brutakai Ragefangs to turn this one around.

The Blueriver Wardoves set up for the next drive. They kick it high, and yet another quick snap by the Ragefangs starts off a fierce offensive drive. Xarnak K.O.'s new line elf Finchtalon and the orcs follow the powerful blitzer through the thin elven line. The Doves fall back again, in their third backpedal maneuver, to tie up the Bloodrage Blitzer Brothers. Krak Toothsnapper has the ball, and the orc thrower lobs a big one into the hands of Xarnak Bloodrage. Raziek takes a spill trying to get away from those pesky elves and he knocks his head too hard on the ground I think. He's out cold! The Doves' defense flock in and now Xarnak has been knocked flat. The ball is free, and now it's been picked up by Prok Fleshdrinker. He makes a pass to Kragor Clawfang who seems home-free for the touchdown, but...ohh! That was the whistle! Time's up for this game. Kragor crosses the line anyways, just to show how close he was. Maybe next time Kragor. The Wardoves keep their 2-0 victory against the Ragefangs.

MVPs for this match are being announced now... Stryth Leafmauler for the Blueriver Wardoves for his expertise at the art of Blocking, and Rigor Stonestomper for doing what he could when it mattered. Also of note is the increasingly accurate passes of Ragefangs thrower Krak Toothsnapper and of Fhorin Bloodmeadow with a signature dodge-ending dropkick sure to get him out of the shadow of the speedy Albiir Featherdeath.

I'll be turning off the P.A.G.E. now until the next match I'm scheduled to report. I'm even going to travel with the Wardoves to the next stadium. Should be quite a time!

... It's me again! Activating my trusty magical scribe. Now, to be honest... I didn't really enjoy my trip with the Wardoves. I won't get into details but it involved some strange-tasting wines, horses that smelled a bit TOO nice, and a make-over... for me.

For this next match, the Wardoves are going up against the acclaimed Meathooks in yet another challenge match. The game is taking place in a very impromptu stadium, as the main grounds detonated recently due to structural issues...I don't see how bad architecture can cause explosions, but there you have it. The game is taking place in the surrounding farmlands, and the fresh white paint of the lines is giving off that 'new pitch smell' that I'm sure will be quickly replaced with that 'new horrible sucking chest wound smell'.

Ye gods are there ever a lot of fans. I think the official gate is 35,000. Is that a record? It might be. I can't really tell, but the supportive cheers seems to lean slightly in the Meathooks favour. We'll see if it helps at all.

Still, I can barely see the field, and I'm still trying to find a good spot to watch and...oh! They've begun! I see the ball in the air after the opening kick. I can't even tell who kicked it. Um...this gentleman here says the Wardoves just kicked it. O.K....I'll take his word for it.

I caught a glimpse of the opening play, the orcs have cleared open the elven line and that lumbering troll and the goblin Hammish have moved up. Prince Moranian does an impressive attack and sends the monster to the ground. Hang on...Moranian is here?! It appears so... Goodness. I can barely see anything at all. Oh wait! I see Hammish flying through the air above the horizon of fans I have to contend with. He has the ball! Now everyone is cheering...um...I guess there was a Touchdown! Erm...1-0 Meathooks! Good show!

It's the next kick, I just saw it go up. Oh, hello ladies...I think I just landed in a Killwillow fan club of sorts. Quite the friendly bunch of maidens and...Why are they screaming? Oh my! It seems that Meathooks black orc T-Boner just killed line elf Mlalyn Firefawn! No...No wait...Their apothecary just put his head back on right...He still looks terrible though. Augh! More screams! Bendark Mossfang has just been killed by Ramrod Meatmissile of the Meathooks! No, wait. Apothecary on the scene again. Crisis averted. Ok, what's going on now? I just saw the ball being thrown by...who? By Albiir Featherdeath, the blitzer? Thank you miss, it seems elf catcher Angruil Grimmrose has caught it and crosses into the Meathooks endzone! The score is tied at 1-1.

My ears are killing me... Too many screaming women... It's like I'm back home. Ok, I see the next kickoff has begun. I'm watching this from the Meathook's dugout. I don't know how I got here, but it's a decent view. Biggs McStabstab throws the ball to goblin Bacon Sandwich. That troll tosses the poor whelp into the air and he crash lands! Oooh! What's this? Finchtalon, the newcomer, is making a dramatic elbow drop on the downed goblin! Oooh! Look at the blood! The ref saw that one, no doubt. They're bringing the broken greenskin midget in here. I'd better hide...

The apothecary is putting him back together, seems his head flew off. Duct tape will fix anything, for certain. The good doctor is going to tell the coach the good news. Ah, seems he was so happy the goblin survived that the coach is coming in here personally to... Oh! Gods no! He's stabbing him! The Meathooks coach is stabbing the poor Bacon Sandwich to death! He's standing over the cooling corpse and proclaims to the poor thing that he's fired. What a cold, unfeeling gree- Uh oh. He saw me. Yipes!

...

... Ok, I seem to be safe now. The half ended while I was running away. Seems the score is still tied at 1-1 at the beginning of the second half. I still can't see over the hordes of fans. I'm sure it's the orcs kicking, there goes the ball. I hear something, Bendark Mossfang, the elf thrower must have picked it up and I see the throw! Touchdown! By who? Oh! It was rising star player Tsih Killwillow! I can tell because I hear those maidens signing his theme song "Ode to Tsih, please sleep with me"... Not a very subtle theme is it? 2-1 Wardoves at any rate.

There goes the elves kicking the ball to the Meathooks. My word! Someone just tossed a rock into the fray! I think I saw Valandil Dreadlily take it in the head! He's down for the moment and Biggs McStabstab tosses the ball to Hammish the goblin. I see where this is going... No wait, no I don't. I wish these blasted fans could stop pushing me around! Meathooks fans are a little too handsy for me. I see Hammish in the air again with the ball! That troll must be well fed today! Ooh! I heard the crack! I don't think the poor thing landed right. The ref's blown his whistle! It seems Valandil was copying Finchtalon and elbow-dropped the fallen goblin a bit too obviously. Still, the game continues... I hear something... Yes! Meathooks touchdown! Hammish got back up and pulled off another tying score! It's at 2-2!

Orcs kicking again... I see the ball in the air. I hear the elf thrower Mossfang calling out his throw, and again I hear Angruil's returning cry. The ball is thrown and again we see a lightning fast touchdown in the very late seconds of the game. Though I guess I only heard that one... Anyway, 3-2 for the Wardoves! There's not but a few seconds left on the clock. The fans are already filing out...

Maybe I can just... Yes! I'm finally at the front of the crowd! I can see clearly the Doves' final play. They've only fielded three linemen against a full line of orcs. The troll and Hammish are on the Widezone, looking very determined still despite a clear loss. The elves in the dugout are already celebrating their third victory of the summer season.

Wait! Stop everything! Hammish has the ball, he's leaping into the troll's waiting grasp! Like hideous green poetry in motion, the goblin is flung through the air and he lands like a... Like a snot-covered tissue in the Wardoves endzone. It's a tie game! 3-3! Hammish turns and drops trou right before the faces of the gawking Wardoves, and makes some very rude actions I'm not sticking around to see!

That took a lot out of me... All that scrambling through the fans. I'm renting a flying carpet next time. Or maybe I'll just scry the whole game. In any case, the MVPs are being announced now. It's Tsih Killwillow for the Blueriver Wardoves, who's acrobatic display always leaves his opponents in the dust, and Beef Bigaxe for being exactly what you'd expect Beef Bigaxe to be.

Seemed like an exciting game, winning new attention for both teams. This is the MMBBL's official Coach Wrangler, the Magical Mister Mudd signing off. Coming up next, from your regularily scheduled reporter, is the final challenge match between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Traumatic Takedown!

See you there! I'll be watching that one from home...