Deadites Kill Farmboys in Challenge Match!

Bryag Mudrake here, following the Farmboys on the road for yet another challenge match! This team sure seems to be popular these days, arriving now at the Drudgetown Pit to answer the call of the grave! Twenty-six thousand bodies filled the stands, with less than half of them having an actual pulse. The crowd might not be described as "lively" but it was certainly animated. The real heat was happening on the pitch, where the opening coin toss gave the kick to the human team, and accusations of double-headed coins led to a screaming match on the field, and a long delay as the clock ticked down before an actual kickoff. The human team started with some surprisingly strong offensive abilities, with "Are Too" Dieter breaking off parts of Sword Boy, sending him to the infirmary to pull himself together. The strong start fell apart quickly as Stywalker fumbled the squirming ball, and the Deadites charged! Their new werewolf, Wanna Little, took the opportunity to race in and knock Stywalker sprawling, and the swift-footed ghoul Klaatu grabbed the ball, running it in for a swift touchdown!

The Deadites kicked again to the human team, this time catching the offense flat-footed with a blitz! Stywalker's handle on the ball was much more effective this time around, and sent it sailing to Willie Dee Billiams. In a shocking turn of events, Dan Solitaire managed to knock the hulking Frankenberry off his feet. Despite this, the human defenses were no match for undead muscle, and Billiams was knocked down by a rampaging Wanna Little, knocking the ball free. Players scrambled for purchase in the mess of bodies, until the ball finally landed in the hands of Denny "The Wedge" Lawson. Farmboys dodged out of coverage to clear a path for the new ball carrier, but "Porky" Hootkins tripped up and knocked himself out cold trying to get into position. Lawson soon followed, and the ball once again bounced madly amongst the players before landing beside several linemen. Varata Nikto dodged into coverage and whacked the ball to retrieve, but his clammy hands couldn't get a grip, and once again the bouncing game continued, finally landing in the paws of Boomstick! There was a squeal from the field, as Billiams put the boot to Varata, but the ref appeared to be looking at Wanna Little, who collided with Zed Malcolm, taking them both down. That cleared the way for Artie Dieter to smash Boomstick to the ground, and catch the ball as it flew from the lycanthrope's limp fingers, but Dieter was unable to reach the goal before time ran out. The Deadites decided to spend the last few moments punching people, with X Morte seriously injuring "Hobby" Oldfield. The whistle blew on the half, and the Apothecaries dragged Oldfield back for some quick work, setting him back on the field for the next drive.

The second half started with a high kick to the Deadites, which was caught handily by the ghoulish Klaatu. The human team had returned with a vengeance however, and refused to be pushed around. The pain began as Wanna Little was downed by his intended victim, and continued as the entire frontline of the Deadites' offensive line was knocked to the ground, and Farmboy linemen rushed to cover Klaatu. The wily ghoul dodged out of coverage, and snapped off a pass to Varata, Who raced up-field. "Biggy" Hagan tried to rush in to set up a block, but tripped at the end of his run, crashing at Varata's feet, unconscious! He soon was joined in the dugout by "Porky" Hootkins, who was knocked out by a crash on the line. Bizarrely, Varata stopped running, and seemed to be enjoying the carnage at midfield. This time, Billiams was charging in to get coverage on Varata, but he too tripped up within inches of the ghoul! Varata STILL hadn't moved though, instead choosing to watch Frankenberry as he inflicted a horrific gut-wound on Owen Lard, leaving him dying on the field. Apothecaries were in top shape though, and soon upgraded his condition from "F’ed-Up" to “F’ing-A", patching him up for the next drive! Whatever drugs those Apothecaries are handing out, I want some! Torch Boy continued the chaos by stomping on a prone "Hobby" Oldfield. This time though, the ref heard the ribs crack, and sent Torch Boy out for the rest of the game. "Hobby" was also patched up by the Apothecaries for the next drive. Unlike the previous medical crew helping the Farmboys out against the Carnosaurs, the local apothecaries were on top of their game! Play continued, with Varata seeming to forget that he was still supposed to run the ball in for the touchdown. He was quickly reminded as he found himself surrounded by Billiams and Solitaire. Boomstick shoved Ben-Ken Guinness into the crowd, and Wanna Little raced to the rescue, clearing the path for Varata to dodge away, and lope in for a touchdown, bringing the score to 2-0 for the Deadites.

The next drive would add further injury to grave insult. With the human team down a man, an eager Deadite fan decided that wasn't enough of a handicap. With a scream of "What do you want on your Tombstone?!" he hurled a piece of his own grave marker square at the back of Duke Stywalker's head, knocking the quarterback out cold! It was only sheer luck that the kick landed so close to the huddle of humans preparing for a textbook, if undermanned, Kessel's Run strategy. The ball bounced out of Dieter's hands as he attempted to catch, landing behind him. Ignoring the ball, Dieter and Guinness charged up-field, clearing the way for Solitaire, who nabbed the ball, and fell in behind Billiams. Boomstick ran in from the other half of the pitch and attempted to maul Billiams, but merely pushed him in front of Solitaire. Dieter shoved him clear, Solitaire handed the ball off to Billiams, and Billiams sprinted straight ahead for a rapid touchdown!

The Deadites were eager for another touchdown, but it simply was not to be. Despite a quick snap that caught the human team off-guard, the Deadites were unable to make much headway against the human frontline. Wanna Little grabbed the ball and passed it to Varata, then charged into the melee at the front line. The end of the game degenerated into a dirty brawl as both sides punched, shoved and kicked those already down, but it failed to result in any significant casualties. With the whistle the game came to an end: 2-1 for the Deadites! Match MVPs were awarded to Primitive Screwhead of the Deadites and Ben-Ken Guinness of the Farmboys, for no particular reason that comes to mind. Also worthy of recognition on the highlight reel was Torch Boy's excellent blocking abilities, and the incredible speed of Wanna Little. Congratulations to all, and I'll be back tomorrow for my regular beat covering the Blackwater Bilgerunners and another crew of corpses, the Grenedale Lesionnaires.

One-in-a-million Shot Gives Farmboys Last-minute Victory

We go now, live, to Most Likely Swamp Port in Dago's Bog, for our first MMBBL report of the season. With us watching the action is our resourceful skaven correspondent, Bryag Mudrake.

Bryag Mudrake back again, with live coverage from the Dungeonbowl regular season!

It's a beautiful day here in Dago's Bog, where the Stargazin' Farmboys and the Bleakwood Breakers are set to start their official Blood Bowl careers. Both teams suffered some disappointments in the preseason, so the match in the newly minted "Most Likely Swamp Post" Stadium, a re-purposed trapper's market in a dried out field, is going to be a show of heart and rookie skill more than the pre-season brutality we've seen so far. Despite that disappointment, over 19,000 fans have filled the stadium; predominantly humans to root for the home team, but a fair number of Wood Elves have joined the party to see how their new entry in the arena would fare.

The coin is in the air... and the Farmboys win the flip. Looks like they're electing to kick off first! Perhaps they're hoping to get the jump on scoring in the second half. The Breakers and Farmboys take to the field, the kick is off, and it's a Blitz! The Farmboys just blitzed the elves! The burly bruisers have crossed the field and are sending elves crashing to the ground. Still, the kick has landed far back in the enemy territory, and the humans are no match for the graceful elves in raw speed and agility. Elrohir Nolatari has the ball, and sends it hurtling downfield to catcher Tathar Sirfalas. Sirfalas, resembling a startled deer, makes a mad dash for the Farmboys' end-zone. Unfortunately, it looks like he's outstripped his defenders, and the Farmboys have left a couple surprises in the end-zone. Yep, there's Ben-Ken Guinness, who gives Tathar a forceful shove into the crowds for an impromptu autograph session with his field-side fans. Here comes Duke Stywalker, the young thrower for the Farmboys. The ball fairly leaps into his hands, and soars downfield to "Big Sea" Trepiaux. Trepiaux blitzes his way out of coverage, and runs the ball into the end-zone! Touchdown, 1-0 for the Farmboys!

The fans are with the Farmboys today, and a mighty cheer is going up for the human team, giving some heart to this squad of star-struck farmhands. But don't count out the woodland elves just yet! This time, it's a lineman, Camthalion Saralonde in deep coverage that gracefully snatches the ball, and sends it in a perfect parabola towards the Wardancer Cirdan Elensar. As Elensar moves down the sidelines, the flow of play is interrupted by the crash of Belen Telemnar and Bill "Porky" Hootkins collapsing in a pile at midfield! That's enough to give Trepiaux a shot at the Wardancer, and once again, it's into the stands! Unfortunately for Elensar, there were no adoring fans to break his fall, so it's off to the dugout with him until he wakes up.

The Farmboys are setting up some coverage around the ball for the next move, getting it ready for Duke to deliver. But Duke's been distracted! "Hobby" Oldfield goes down on a bad block defending the ball. Seeing the glimmer of hope, Gwindor Felagund and Finrod Celebrindal are off and running! Gwindor goes for the end-zone, and Finrod is heading to the ball! He slides into coverage, dodges free with the ball, and lobs it off to Gwindor! IT'S CAUGHT! The score is now tied at 1!

With the clock running down in the first half, both teams seem to be running low on energy. The elves kick off to the humans, but the ball sails past the end-zone into the stands. Looks like the human coaches have a little something up their sleeve, and the Farmboys manage to scrape up a little more confidence. Perhaps not enough though, as Stywalker sends the ball way off target. The elves move to grab the ball, but once again Beren Telemnar runs afoul of the enemy blitzers, throwing their plans into disarray. Duke has the ball once again, and in the final second of the half, completes a pass to Dan Solitaire, ending the half.

We'll be back with more after a word from our sponsor.

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And we're back! Both teams are taking to the field now, looking rested, refreshed and energized in this next round! It's a tied game here, who knows what could happen? Fortunately for the elves, Elensar is back from his little trip to La-La Land via Spectatorville. Let's see if he can stay out of the crowds this time. Breakers now kicking to the Farmboys, and once again, the crowd is screaming for the home team! Dan Solitaire is heading up along the sidelines, with the blitzers flanking. But once again, Stywalker's aim appears to be as accurate as Imperial Marksmen; about 10 inches over the left shoulder. The Breakers appear to be understanding the limitations of the Farmboys, and are getting much bolder about their nimble coverage; dodging easily out of harm's way to lend vital assists and clog up the avenues of attack for the less nimble humans. Just a moment! Cirdan is yelling out some kind of war-cry... he's making a run for the ball! A spectacular leap over Owen Lard's head and... Oooh, he landed on the ball! That's gotta hurt. That DID hurt, he's out cold again folks! This really isn't Cirden's day.

However, it looks like the elves have really managed to mess up the path of attack for the humans! The path to the end-zone is going to be a slow march through sap to get into position. The humans are muscling the elves out of the way, and Duke once again has the ball! It's off to Solitaire... he's got it! Solitaire trying to dodge out of Tathar Sirfalas' coverage, but he's tackled! HE'S DOWN! Oh, this is a bad one folks, looks like he's unable to get back up. It's off to the injury ward for the rest of this match with Dan Solitaire. He might have been a hot-shot smuggler back in the day, but his record lately has been banter fodder for the sportscasters.

The wood elves are picking up on the miscue quickly, pulling their men out to form a turtle formation in the middle of their zone. Elrohir Nolatari slides past the divot made by Solitaire to grab the ball, then tosses it to Finrod Celebrindal, who is quickly flanked by his teammates at the far end of a large wedge formation. The Farmboys have shoved another of the line-elves into the crowd, and are surrounding the pyramid now. It looks like they aren't willing to punch into such dense coverage yet, lest their quarry get away. And the elves are moving! Lashing out with heretofore unseen ferocity, they're striking out at the humans, and pushing them away from coverage. And Finrod is free! He's halfway into the Farmboys' side of the field already! Man, that's one fast elf! It looks like he's not quite far enough from human defense though... two of the linemen are on their way, looks like Lawson and Hagan... And it's a no-go! The slippery fella is free from coverage, and within reach of the endzone. A few of the other elves are trying to et into coverage, but Olwe Nenharma's gone down! That distraction's all Lawson and Hagan need... and BOOM! Finrod is down as well! The ball is loose!

Duke Stywalker is running for it now. He's firing off a long pass to Bruce Lard behind the remains of the elven defensive shell. HE MISSES! It's off by a mile! Tathar Sirfalas is going for the ball, scoops it up, and just keeps running! Elrohir's moving to the line of scrimmage, and receives the pass from Sirfalas! Oh! Beren Telemnar is down again! Time is ticking down on the clock, and it's still anyone's game! Elves have control of the ball at midfield, Finrod's still within range of the end-zone, and the Farmboys are moving into position! It looks like a couple of the linemen have dashed for the end-zone in the hopes of a miracle! And here comes the pain! "Big Sea" Trepiaux crashes hard into Elrohir, and grabs the ball. He pivots, LONG BOMB off to Hobby in the end-zone... AND HE CATCHES IT! I DON"T BELIEVE IT! "Hobby" Oldfield has caught the ball, and it's a touchdown! 2-1 in the final seconds of the game for the Stargazing Farmboys! Great shot kid, that was one in... a really big number!

A well-deserved MVP goes to Finrod Celebrindal for dealing with enemy blocks in his courageous dashes to the endzone, and a less-deserved MVP goes to Bill "Porky" Hootkins for demonstrating some unexpectedly numble dodging abilities. In addition, recognition of Carl Trepiaux's ability to protect teammates in the depths of coverage, and Duke Stywalker's amazing speed must be noted. Thanks for tuning in tonight folks! I'll have more next week, with the Blackwater Bilgerunners facing off against the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts!

Thanks for that enthusiastic report, Bryag! Up next will be a report from our newest correspondent, Kay Offwrong.