This Tuesday, the Blueriver Wardoves hosted the Razor Hill Spinebreakers to determine who would come away with the coveted Spike! Tournament trophy. The weather was fine and the crowd sufficiently rowdy, all that was left to do was flip the coin and let slip the dogs of war. The two big dogs on the field this day were the quick, agile, and well-groomed Prince Moranian, and the big, big and very big Ripper.
As the elves kicked off to the orcs, it became evident that more that the usual amount of dogs had been, as it were, let slip. The kick sailed out of bounds and, by some terrible happenstance, hit the recent winner of the Miss Blueriver Pageant square in the face, dislodging several teeth, bending her nose awkwardly, and blackening her eye beyond even the most desperate of mascara touch-ups. Enraged by this affront to beauty, the elf fans stormed the pitch, apparently deciding to blame this affront to beauty on the least beautiful things on the field, namely the Spinebreakers. As the dust settled, nearly three quarters of the greenskin squad lay half-conscious on the ground, giving the Wardoves a fantastic opportunity to steal a quick point.
Luckily for the orcs, a few competent players yet remained standing, including line orc Mok Rawtar, who got the ball out of the path of the onrushing elves and fell in behind a pair of blockers who miraculously remained on their feet. The Wardoves pride themselves on their mobility, however, and blitzer Albiir Featherdeath put that skill on display early, ducking in around the protection to knock Rawtar over and the ball loose. Now as the rest of the orc team came out of their collective daze, they began to crowd the ball and keep anyone at all from picking the thing up. Prince Moranian, seeing an opportunity to strike, burst forward and laid out orc blocker Kolark Bonefist, dropping the hefty fellow onto the ball itself. The football bounced and rolled about in the pile of bodies, until it eventually found its way into the sausage-like grasp of Mok Rawtar once more!
Once again, Albiir Featherdeath moved to knock the lucky line orc senseless, but this time Rawtar was ready for him, dropping the elf on his backside with a thud. The orc line pressed steadily forward. Tsih Killwillow then made a rush of his own, lining Rawtar up for a dropkick, but only succeeding in stifling the orc's pace for a moment. Still, the orcish line surged forward! Finally beinging their physical skills to bear against the elves, the orcs began to shape the drive the way they would like it, first as blocker Borgosh Hellrage put out Ellbin Ivythorn's lights, and soon after as Ripper singled out Prince Moranian from the press of bodies and stunned the elven star, further clearing a path for the orc runner. With a mighty heave the orc line surged once more, but the final charge that the elves were anticipating from Mok Rawtar never came. With a rare act of selflessness, the line orc handed the ball off to teammate Kiro Stormaxe, and of course, Kiro being Kiro, the blitzer was out of coverage like a bolt of green lightn ing and into the end zone for the first point of the game.
The Wardoves were not discouraged, however. An offense with their speed and grace would not be discoraged by the amount of time the orc drive had chewed up, and neither were they bothered when the Spinebreakers burst quickly over the center line on a blitz. With Prince Moranian plowing a path through the orcs' line, Tsih Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose charged downfield like two birds of prey diving for a juicy Blueriver salmon. Several other elves made a move to surround and protect the football, and when Galthuk Battlewail laid a hit on Albiir Featherdeath, the elf blitzer calmly rolled with the hit, grabbed the ball from the gorund and ducked out of harm's way! Handing off quickly to the recently-returned Bendark Mossfang, Featherdeath provided protection as his quarterback hurled the ball downfield to the waiting Angruil Grimmrose, but the play was spoiled when Grimmrose failed to reel the ball in safely. The whistle blew and the half ended, with the Razor Hill Spinebreakers up one to nothing.
With play resuming, the Wardoves lined up to receive the kickoff. Quick movement on their part opened up the field for them early on, and the the kick was very deep, Bendark Mossfang was able to get to the football before the orc defense became a threat. With coverage pressing in, Mossfang made his choice and fired a pass to Tish Killwillow, but the pass drifted and fell to the ground. One can hardly blame Mossfang for the miscue, as he was tormented from start to finish on this drive by Godan Rockmaul, who shoved him down and kicked mud in his face at every opportunity. Away from the play, line orc Rok Straglash made his bid for most brutal play of the game by grabbing elf receiver Angruil Grimmrose by the shoulders and faceplanting him into the pitch. Grimmrose was in rough shape, but some attention from the Wardoves' medical staff fixed him up quickly. Tsih Killwillow, for his part, had no such trouble on his side of the field, cartwheeling past a blocker, leaping over the heads of two blitzers, grabbing the ball and dodging his way into the end zone, as well as the hearts of Blueriver Wardoves fans everywhere, tying the game at one.
With a high kick, the orc drive was back underway, and Kiro Stormaxe started things off by coolly fielding the kick and getting on his way up the pitch. The toweing Ripper lended a very big hand by knocking out line elf Bendyrm Cloudrender, and blockers Brakgul Bloodsnarl and Orok Deathbane did their part by crashing through the elves' defensive formation to set up the front side of a textbook orc running cage. The cage is strong, but never foolproof when the other side is just as determined as the cage team, and Prince Moranian proved this with a key blitz, wrestling a surprised Kiro Stormaxe to the dirt and freeing the ball to skitter away into the dogpile. A desperate grab by the freshly-returned Angruil Grimmrose was a bust, and the ball bounced on, this time into the waiting hands of Soran Steelfury. With a yell of triumph to alert his teammates, Steelfury triggered an herculean blocking frenzy which scattered the elf defenders left and right, clearing a path for the blitzer to dodge away from coverage and high-step his way over the goal line. Precious little time remained on the clock, and the moans from the saddened home crowd were drowned out by the roar of the visiting orc supporters.
The Wardoves, for their part, lost with grace. Pulling back from the line on the ensuing kickoff, Bendark Mossfang tossed a pass to Tsih Killwillow, and the Wardoves, without the time needed to make a nother trip to the end zone, bowed to their opponents as time expired. The Razor Hill Spinebreakers, roaring with the thrill of victory, had succeeded where so many other orc teams had failed. Honouring their ancestors and the entire orcish nation alike, this rough-around-the-edges group of green greenskins showed that, at least for today, Might does indeed make Right.
Despite the loss, the Wardoves have cause for celebration. Despite brutal injuries that would have sent lesser teams into a collective fetal crouch, the elves rebounded again and again from adversity, and one elf in particular had something big to show for it. Flanked by the gorgeous models from Spike! Magazine's "Swimsuit and Siege Weaponry" calendar, Tsih Killwillow was awarded the Spike! player of the year award. Look for his picture on the cover of Spike! next month, as well as his usual appearances in the Wardoves' calendars, posters, and limited edition collectors' plates!
MVP awards for the Spike! tournament finals went to Prince Moranian on the Wardoves' side, and to Galthuk Battlewail of the Spinebreakers for some keen, mean defensive play.
Talk about an underdog run, folks! Fighting their way through lizardmen, humans and elves, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers pulled through with just the latest in a long line of thrilling victories to claim their place in MMBBL history. Will they duplicate their success in the coming Winter season? Keep it locked on the MMBBL to find out!
Showing posts with label Elvish Calenders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Elvish Calenders. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Wardoves Show Knights How to Really Fly
Hope you had a great weekend, sports fiends! We certainly did here at the MMBBL, because on Sunday (Sunday, Sunday...) the Blueriver Wardoves squared off against the Fly-by Knights in a battle of the two least bloody Blood Bowl teams on the roster. Or so it was thought.
They met on a sunny day, birds chirping, fans cheering, clouds rolling lazily on overhead. The first possession went to the Wardoves, who trained hard for this matchup and had even hired on the services of the illustrious Prince Moranian to give them a boost against the more veteran Knights squad. They also wrangled a freelance medic to prevent what surprisingly hasn't occurred yet - 0gre-related injuries.
The tables turned early on, however, as it was the elves who drew first blood on the pitch. Lineman Stryth Leafmauler crashed into the human defense and sent Wamsley Wedgeworth sprawling in a heap. He walked off under his own power, but did not return for the remainder of the game. Not willing to sit idly by and take what the elves dished out, hard-working Cyrano de Baggagerack of the Fly-by Knights sent Albiir Featherdeath for a ride that ended in the infirmary, where the walk-on elf medic quickly showed his quality. Featherdeath returned to the game on the next drive. Hostilities continued to escalate as Bendrym Cloudrender brought his rage to bear on Reginald Reginald III of the Knights, nearly killing him. The human medical staff worked hard, and though they saved his life, his career may be through due to the state his sternum was left in.
In all this chaos, the perceived threat of ogrely damage was not even a factor. Confused by the quick movement and nimble dodging of his foes, Barglesnart Livingstone became confused and did not contribute at all during the first half, aside from the occasional half-hearted shove. Taking advantage of this sizable gap in the human line, elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow sailed a pass to the energetic Stryth Leafmauler, and he practically walked into the end zone.
The Knights looked to rebound before the half was up, but failing to execute on a high-risk play proved costly, as lineman Mlalyn Firefawn recovered a lost ball and threw an absolute cannon of a pass to catcher Tsih Killwillow, whose adoring fans chanted his named just as he'd instructed them. The first half ended with the elf squad up a commanding two to nothing.
After the break, it was obvious that whatever the human coach had said to Barglesnart to get him focused was working. Singling out the lineman who exploited his lapse in defense, the ogre drove the elf into the dirt with an overhand smash that would make a tennis team collectively wet itself. Mlalyn Firefawn was removed from the pitch, his head sagging from atop his broken upper vertebrae, and sent to the infirmary to recover as best he could. What might have been a turning point for the humans became fuel for the elves' own fire as well. Albiir Featherdeath, fresh from his recovery and seething with contempt for all humanity, knocked over lineman Karl Von Uberstamp, to the great dismay of his "Karl Kares" section of the bleachers, where dozens of under-privileged kids come to watch their hero play. He was carried off, gave an encouraging thumbs-up and a "winneres useth notte suspicious substances in thee pursuit of victorye" message, assuring us that he'd be back for the next Fly-by Knights match.
As if spurred by his heartfelt message, Jacques Strappe - the poster boy for non-suspicious, hard-working means of self-improvement - ran Wardoves catcher Tsih Killwillow into the mud where his handsome countenance remained for several seconds before a stretcher crew came out to cart him away. What may have been the largest incident of collective spontaneous fainting ensued, as every elf maiden, and quite a few human ones, could not bear to watch their favourite calender man run down so. Strappe was increasingly booed for the remainder of the game as these distraught women gradually woke up, though when he removed his shirt between drives it seemed to quell the uproar. Non-suspicious self-improvement, indeed.
Energized by the elimination of one of their opponents' key players, the Knights rallied to come within a point of the elves as Lance Freely completed his third pass of the afternoon to catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele. Steele took it right to the house and performed an elaborate victory celebration in which he staged a fake joust between himself and fellow Catcher Flash Madison, which ended in a high five and a hug. Cheers echoed from their fans, but they yet had work to do to close the gap.
In a desperate attempt to even the score with time running out, the Knights were nearly within reach, with who else but Steele running down the sideline. The elves would have none of it, though, and after lineman Pynian Grassripper sent the ever pesky Flash Madison down in a heap, the Wardoves converged and stripped Steel of the ball, and the Knights of any chance at a draw. The final score was 2-1 for the Boys from Blueriver, and they paraded off the pitch, led by Prince Moranian to an afterparty at his stately mansion on the outskirts of town.
MVPs for the match were Bendark Mossfang of the Wardoves, whose throwing was right on the money until the very end, when it was actually right off the money (though it didn't matter on the scoresheet), and Barglesnart Livingstone of the Fly-by Knights, who stood by his teammates in the second half and let no ill befall them while he was within arm's reach. Also of note this game were the elf catcher Tsih Killwillow, who may have let his elaborate ducking and weaving go to his head and will need a week or so to set his balance straight once more, and Knights catcher Stanley Steele who showed elf-like agility of his own on his sprint down to the end zone.
More action to come Tuesday, sports fiends, as we see a rematch from the Dungeonbowl championship when the Meathooks and Dirt Bursters collide! Also on tap is the battle of two feisty young teams, the Brutakai Ragefangs and the Smash and Go'nads, who aim to show their quality and make their mark on MMBBL. See you then!
They met on a sunny day, birds chirping, fans cheering, clouds rolling lazily on overhead. The first possession went to the Wardoves, who trained hard for this matchup and had even hired on the services of the illustrious Prince Moranian to give them a boost against the more veteran Knights squad. They also wrangled a freelance medic to prevent what surprisingly hasn't occurred yet - 0gre-related injuries.
The tables turned early on, however, as it was the elves who drew first blood on the pitch. Lineman Stryth Leafmauler crashed into the human defense and sent Wamsley Wedgeworth sprawling in a heap. He walked off under his own power, but did not return for the remainder of the game. Not willing to sit idly by and take what the elves dished out, hard-working Cyrano de Baggagerack of the Fly-by Knights sent Albiir Featherdeath for a ride that ended in the infirmary, where the walk-on elf medic quickly showed his quality. Featherdeath returned to the game on the next drive. Hostilities continued to escalate as Bendrym Cloudrender brought his rage to bear on Reginald Reginald III of the Knights, nearly killing him. The human medical staff worked hard, and though they saved his life, his career may be through due to the state his sternum was left in.
In all this chaos, the perceived threat of ogrely damage was not even a factor. Confused by the quick movement and nimble dodging of his foes, Barglesnart Livingstone became confused and did not contribute at all during the first half, aside from the occasional half-hearted shove. Taking advantage of this sizable gap in the human line, elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow sailed a pass to the energetic Stryth Leafmauler, and he practically walked into the end zone.
The Knights looked to rebound before the half was up, but failing to execute on a high-risk play proved costly, as lineman Mlalyn Firefawn recovered a lost ball and threw an absolute cannon of a pass to catcher Tsih Killwillow, whose adoring fans chanted his named just as he'd instructed them. The first half ended with the elf squad up a commanding two to nothing.
After the break, it was obvious that whatever the human coach had said to Barglesnart to get him focused was working. Singling out the lineman who exploited his lapse in defense, the ogre drove the elf into the dirt with an overhand smash that would make a tennis team collectively wet itself. Mlalyn Firefawn was removed from the pitch, his head sagging from atop his broken upper vertebrae, and sent to the infirmary to recover as best he could. What might have been a turning point for the humans became fuel for the elves' own fire as well. Albiir Featherdeath, fresh from his recovery and seething with contempt for all humanity, knocked over lineman Karl Von Uberstamp, to the great dismay of his "Karl Kares" section of the bleachers, where dozens of under-privileged kids come to watch their hero play. He was carried off, gave an encouraging thumbs-up and a "winneres useth notte suspicious substances in thee pursuit of victorye" message, assuring us that he'd be back for the next Fly-by Knights match.
As if spurred by his heartfelt message, Jacques Strappe - the poster boy for non-suspicious, hard-working means of self-improvement - ran Wardoves catcher Tsih Killwillow into the mud where his handsome countenance remained for several seconds before a stretcher crew came out to cart him away. What may have been the largest incident of collective spontaneous fainting ensued, as every elf maiden, and quite a few human ones, could not bear to watch their favourite calender man run down so. Strappe was increasingly booed for the remainder of the game as these distraught women gradually woke up, though when he removed his shirt between drives it seemed to quell the uproar. Non-suspicious self-improvement, indeed.
Energized by the elimination of one of their opponents' key players, the Knights rallied to come within a point of the elves as Lance Freely completed his third pass of the afternoon to catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele. Steele took it right to the house and performed an elaborate victory celebration in which he staged a fake joust between himself and fellow Catcher Flash Madison, which ended in a high five and a hug. Cheers echoed from their fans, but they yet had work to do to close the gap.
In a desperate attempt to even the score with time running out, the Knights were nearly within reach, with who else but Steele running down the sideline. The elves would have none of it, though, and after lineman Pynian Grassripper sent the ever pesky Flash Madison down in a heap, the Wardoves converged and stripped Steel of the ball, and the Knights of any chance at a draw. The final score was 2-1 for the Boys from Blueriver, and they paraded off the pitch, led by Prince Moranian to an afterparty at his stately mansion on the outskirts of town.
MVPs for the match were Bendark Mossfang of the Wardoves, whose throwing was right on the money until the very end, when it was actually right off the money (though it didn't matter on the scoresheet), and Barglesnart Livingstone of the Fly-by Knights, who stood by his teammates in the second half and let no ill befall them while he was within arm's reach. Also of note this game were the elf catcher Tsih Killwillow, who may have let his elaborate ducking and weaving go to his head and will need a week or so to set his balance straight once more, and Knights catcher Stanley Steele who showed elf-like agility of his own on his sprint down to the end zone.
More action to come Tuesday, sports fiends, as we see a rematch from the Dungeonbowl championship when the Meathooks and Dirt Bursters collide! Also on tap is the battle of two feisty young teams, the Brutakai Ragefangs and the Smash and Go'nads, who aim to show their quality and make their mark on MMBBL. See you then!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Struggle of Talon and Tooth
Magical Mister Mudd here for another guest appearance. I was able to skrye the latest match in Spring of 2008's Chaos Cup Open. It was two of the new teams coming into the league, the gentle yet deadly High Elven 'Blueriver Wardoved' faced off against self-proclaimed Orc nobility: the 'Brutakai Ragefangs'!
Though there was sixteen thousand fans scrambling to see these young teams field for the first time, only one quarter of them came to see the Ragefangs. It seemed the Blueriver's 'Smooth Beasts of 2008' calender, featuring shirtless portraits of their baby-faced players had won them some popularity for their first game. The thousands of squeeling females added evidence to this theory.
The first drive began with the Wardoves on defense, kicking the ball to the Ragefang offense. The starting whistle almost covered-up the painful cry of Fhorin Bloodmeadow, High Elf Blitzer, as he was sent sprawling by Rusnik Nightwrath, Orcish Lineman. The Orcish advance trode over his fallen form into a back-and-forth struggle for the first scoring point. The Wardoves came out on top with a pass by High Elf Lineman, Venspir Pondrazor to Tsih Killwillow who kicked up a cloud of dirt and grass as he ran the first Touchdown in. He was the last to return to his side for the next drive instructing the girls in the front rows how to chant his name in the proper pronunciation.
"It's 'See'. Not 'T-ss-eh'." he corrected with a wink.
The first half ended with a drive that just wasn't long enough to give the Orcs a tying score. The whistle sounded just moments before Xarnak Bloodrage (who also manages the team) could get the ball over the line, despite a successful offensive charge.
Sometime during the first half, Pynian Grassripper was knocked unconscious, and stayed fast asleep into the next half. Many a High Elf looked a bit envious at how soundly he slept, in the very comfortable dug-out the Wardoves had themselves entrenched in. And sure enough, before the quarter was over, three more High Elves slumbered next to Pynian, looking quite pleased with themselves. The coach shook his head and turned away, just before some opportunistic fans snuck themselves into the dug out to land some autographs from Tanthil Twigbreaker, Minlyn Firefawn and heartthrob Tsih Killwillow were happy to provide before going back to sleep.
Thus it was the Ragefangs time to shine. Holo Axegut, Orc Thrower, picked up the ball and sees that if the Blitzers couldn't get the ball where it needed to be, it was time to take matters into his own hands. Calling out tactics, he positioned the team in perfect form to keep the remaining Wardoves from the pigskin. Holo ran into the Wardove field, and made a break for it. From his left, a High Elven Lineman had fallen back for a last ditch defense. Stryth Leafmauler called out to Holo for the ball.
"You want this?!" Holo cried at him, and gave the ball to him. Right in the face. Stryth was down, and nothing was in the way for Holo Axegut to make the score before the final whistle.
Final score was 1-1 after this struggle. MVP for the Ragefangs was Kragor Clawfang, Orc Lineman, for doing exactly what he's been told. For the Wardoves, the MVP award went to Tanthil Twigbreaker, who didn't let a single fan leave the dug-out napping zone without a signed calender.
Next the Butakai Ragefangs take on MMBBL two-time champions, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters for the first time, while the Wardoves bide their time before taking on the rude dudes in the Smash and Go'nads! See you next time!
Though there was sixteen thousand fans scrambling to see these young teams field for the first time, only one quarter of them came to see the Ragefangs. It seemed the Blueriver's 'Smooth Beasts of 2008' calender, featuring shirtless portraits of their baby-faced players had won them some popularity for their first game. The thousands of squeeling females added evidence to this theory.
The first drive began with the Wardoves on defense, kicking the ball to the Ragefang offense. The starting whistle almost covered-up the painful cry of Fhorin Bloodmeadow, High Elf Blitzer, as he was sent sprawling by Rusnik Nightwrath, Orcish Lineman. The Orcish advance trode over his fallen form into a back-and-forth struggle for the first scoring point. The Wardoves came out on top with a pass by High Elf Lineman, Venspir Pondrazor to Tsih Killwillow who kicked up a cloud of dirt and grass as he ran the first Touchdown in. He was the last to return to his side for the next drive instructing the girls in the front rows how to chant his name in the proper pronunciation.
"It's 'See'. Not 'T-ss-eh'." he corrected with a wink.
The first half ended with a drive that just wasn't long enough to give the Orcs a tying score. The whistle sounded just moments before Xarnak Bloodrage (who also manages the team) could get the ball over the line, despite a successful offensive charge.
Sometime during the first half, Pynian Grassripper was knocked unconscious, and stayed fast asleep into the next half. Many a High Elf looked a bit envious at how soundly he slept, in the very comfortable dug-out the Wardoves had themselves entrenched in. And sure enough, before the quarter was over, three more High Elves slumbered next to Pynian, looking quite pleased with themselves. The coach shook his head and turned away, just before some opportunistic fans snuck themselves into the dug out to land some autographs from Tanthil Twigbreaker, Minlyn Firefawn and heartthrob Tsih Killwillow were happy to provide before going back to sleep.
Thus it was the Ragefangs time to shine. Holo Axegut, Orc Thrower, picked up the ball and sees that if the Blitzers couldn't get the ball where it needed to be, it was time to take matters into his own hands. Calling out tactics, he positioned the team in perfect form to keep the remaining Wardoves from the pigskin. Holo ran into the Wardove field, and made a break for it. From his left, a High Elven Lineman had fallen back for a last ditch defense. Stryth Leafmauler called out to Holo for the ball.
"You want this?!" Holo cried at him, and gave the ball to him. Right in the face. Stryth was down, and nothing was in the way for Holo Axegut to make the score before the final whistle.
Final score was 1-1 after this struggle. MVP for the Ragefangs was Kragor Clawfang, Orc Lineman, for doing exactly what he's been told. For the Wardoves, the MVP award went to Tanthil Twigbreaker, who didn't let a single fan leave the dug-out napping zone without a signed calender.
Next the Butakai Ragefangs take on MMBBL two-time champions, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters for the first time, while the Wardoves bide their time before taking on the rude dudes in the Smash and Go'nads! See you next time!
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