The MMBBL 2008 Summer Season Awards!

It's time again to recognize the elite players of the MMBBL, for their superlative play in the latest chapter of the league's history. We had some returning favourites, and several newcomers showing their skill as well.

First up, the League MVP Award. Many had favoured Ol' Teabagger for this once again, and the Man was looking poised to deliver until a run-in with Ramrod Meatmissile of the Meathooks brought his existence to a pasty, splutchy halt. As one star dims, however, another seems brighter, and Chompsalot stepped up to the challenge this season, earning an impressive 36 star player points on seven touchdowns, one completion, two casualties and two MVP votes. Though the Dirt Bursters will be departing for the next little while, the league is confident that Chompsalot will prove to be a great ambassador of the sport for years to come. Runners-up were Chompsalot's teammate Khermit, and Brutakai Ragefangs phenom Raziek Bloodrage.

The In the Zone award for most touchdowns frequently lands in the hands of the player who wins the league MVP Award, and this season is no exception. Chompsalot's seven touchdowns earn him this award, with Hammish of the Meathooks coming in second with six scores, and Raziek Bloodrage and Angruil Grimmrose tying for fourth.

Like an unstoppable juggernaut, Khermit stormed the league for the second season running and got his bandaged hands on the Commissioner's Medal for Exemplary Brutality. Absolutely dominating his opponents, Khermit had eight serious injuries attributed to his handiwork, at a rate of over one per game. A distant tie for third showed the effort from Kragor Clawfang of the Ragefangs and Helter Skeleter of the Bloodsand Blasters.

The Silver Elbow, for most complete passes in a season, is awarded to Bendark Mossfang of the Blueriver Wardoves. Bendark wins the award easily, tossing thirteen gems. His nearest competition was from Fivel Mausketrap of the Blackwater Bilgerunners with eight, and Krak Toothsnapper of the Ragefangs with seven.

There was no clear victor in the chase for the Brass Doorknob, which goes to the player with the most interceptions in a season. Four players wound up sharing the honour, those being Krunch of the Blackwater Bilgerunners, Beefquake of the Meathooks, and Bahnaynay and Bubtunk Bagrot of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Everyone else was tied with, well, none.

The Silver Lining award, given to the player with the most game MVP awards, is picked up by line dwarf Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, with four such nominations under his belt this season. Close behind with three apiece were skeleton Lanks McBreak and former dwarf/current zombie Eric Shun.

Finally, that award no one wants their name to be on, the singular mark of shame, the Big Fat Zero - the Why Bother? award, presented to the player with the least impact on the game throughout the course of the season. Rookies are ineligible - one has to be around for a while before one can be considered to truly be dead weight. The award is slit between three sorry excuses for athletes this season. Ragefangs line orcs Gor Knifelicker and Vradak Facechewer each amounted nothing of consequence, as did elf lineman Valandil Dreadlily. There may be three of them, but when you divide zero by three you still get zero. Step it up next time, you lot!

These are your champions, MMBBL fans! look for them on cereal boxes, at curfew-violating parties, and in fancy glove commercials!

Grand Slam: Dirt Bursters go Four-for-Four in MMBBL Tournaments

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters met the Smash and Go'nads this Tuesday, in the culmination of the Summer season and the entire MMBBL year - The Blood Bowl. The struggle was mighty, the competition fierce. The two most deserving squads in the MMBBL met to decide its reigning champion. Undead clashed with dwarf, and in the end, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters maintained their legacy as the league's premier team.

Winning the coin toss, the Dirt Bursters opted to receive first. Fans from both sides roared with challenge, the sun gazed down approvingly, and the game was underway. The loudness of the undead fans overtook the rowdiness of the dwarves as the kick landed, and the explosive Chompsalot recovered the ball as the undead line tore into the dwarven defenders. Regrouping, the dwarves refused to give so much as an inch without the greatest of efforts. Answering the challenge, the Dirt Bursters offensive line left no avenues for the Go'nads to penetrate and harass Chompsalot. It seemed there might be a full stop to the undead run as Stumps O'Boggy was knocked out by Holden McGroin...but then through the narrowest of gaps burst Chompsalot, with wights and zombies sealing the breach behind him. Chompsalot was off like a shot, and by the end of the first quarter it was 1-0 Dirt Bursters.

Looking to retaliate with a score of their own, the Smash and Go'nads lined up and set for the attack. Unfortunately for them, they couldn't pick up the surprise blitz from the undead in time, and paying the price early on was troll slayer Euin Whatarmy. Suffering near-fatal chest decompression at the gangrenous hands of Chunk Norton, Whatarmy managed to escape death with the less-serious (but still crippling) disfigurement of his ribcage. Meanwhile, Chompsalot made a surge through the dwarf offensive line, attempting to leap over the nearest Go'nad to chase down the ball. He picked the wrong dwarf to vault over, though. No one is entirely sure what Gil T. Azell uses to maintain his massive mohawk's shape, but it was enough to knock the wind out of Chompsalot as he slammed gut-first into the impressive hairdo. Still, the ghouls kept charging forward, and Ned Gummers laid a blitz into Dick Gozinia after the dwarf runner picked up the ball. unphased by the attack, Gozinia deftly shoveled a pass to fellow runner Adam Meway, who began to tear up the middle into protective cover. Again, a ghoul came by to cause havoc, and this time Bahnaynay laid a hit into Meway, only to see the wily dwarf return the favour from Dick Gozinia, tossing the ball back to safety.

Time was running short for the dwarves, but likewise for some of the undead as well. Hats off to Tinny, the plucky thrall-turned-zombie, for going toe-to-toe with Cludge Slamboni's custom deathroller and coming out of the ordeal no more or less dead than he started. Still, Slamboni's crowd-clearing presence opened a gap, and Dick Gozinia had a brief chance to unload a pass and perhaps tie the game. The toss was perfect, but out of the melee rose Bahnaynay, who hauled the throw in with one hand, denying the dwarves with his timely interception. Bahnaynay maintained possession until the whistle sounded, and the score at halftime remained one to nothing, the Dirt Bursters clinging to their precarious lead.

The second half kickoff showed more incredible defensive play from the Dirt Bursters, as they were able to reorganize themselves to counter the Go'nads' attack plan from the get-go. Dick Gozinia retrieved the football, but Ned Gummers was already on top of him once again. Alertness being Gozinia's stock in trade, he expertly dumped off a pass the Adam Meway who maneuvered upfield. These two dwarves certainly knew how to maintain possession. Finally, Chompsalot found a stop to the dwarf passing when he blitzed Adam Meway, whose lateral to Gozinia was off-target. Meway fought his way back to it, though, and recovered the ball again for the dwarves.

Now looking to hurl the ball upfield, Meway was foiled yet again, and the moans of the dwarven fans said it best. From the sidelines came Bubtunk Bagrot, the new ghoul in town, who pulled down the pass and with it, the Smash and Go'nads' hopes. Just as all seemed lost, however, Bagrot took a spill trying to get away from coverage, and the ball was fumbled loose! Yet again, Adam Meway pounced on the loose ball and the dwarf forces regrouped. Another hit came on Meway, but his pass to Dick Gozinia was true this time. The dwarves stubbornly pushed up the field, inch by inch. The undead needed a big stop to put this game away.

The stops began to materialize and the Dirt Bursters rallied as a surge spearheaded by Lez White took shape. White crashed headlong into Adam Meway, nearly taking the dwarf's head clean off with the force of the blow. After several moments of great concern, Meway finally awoke, spitting up blood and and his breakfast beer. Though unable to continue playing, all were relieved that he would live to play another day.

Seeking an exit from the crush of bodies, Dick Gozinia blitzed his way out of a tight spot, only to catch his foot on a rock and crash into the turf, losing his hold on the ball. Lez White moved in to gather up the prize, but couldn't get a good handle on it. Still too many dwarves were on the field to reliably escape from coverage, but the Dirt Bursters' twin towers of terror would change that in short order. First, Khermit picked up Achilles Punks by the beard and hurled him into a sideline post where the line dwarf slumped, unmoving except for the occasional groan. Then Magut echoed his teammate's sentiments, bringing his knee up on blitzer Moe Lester and leaving the dwarf in a puddle of his own blood and sweat.

Still, the dwarves fought on, giving no easy path to the football, and Ned Gummers was unable to pick it up. A loud horn sounded, and a burst of steam signaled the arrival of Cludge Slamboni's deathroller, who neatly plowed No Guts Bob into a heap, again dislodging the ball from where it lay. It disappeared into the sea of bodies, and then emerged again, held aloft by none other than Chunk Norton. Norton attempted a pass downfield, but fumbled when he arm unhinged on the pump fake. His job was done, though, as time continued to wind down. In a final burst of maliciousness, Khermit drove Drew Peacock three feet into the softened pitch with a great overhand smash, nearly collapsing the dwarf's entire spinal column. Fortunately a splint was applied as they hauled him off the field, and Peacock would live to play another day.

With that, time expired, and the last whistle blew. As close a battle as any yet witnessed in the MMBBL's brief history was over, and the Dirt Bursters had carried the day, with a final score of 1-0. Favoured from the beginning, the undead delivered to their fans. Underdogs from the start, the stalwart Smash and Go'nads have nothing to be ashamed of. Both teams left it all out on the field, mingled with a great deal of teeth, blood, and scraps of uniform.

In addition to the great prestige of playing in the Blood Bowl Championship, an honour shared by all who participated, Game MVP awards were presented to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters, presumably for recognition of his play for BOTH squads this season, and to Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, who showed remarkable motivation and speed for someone carrying around fourty pounds of beard.

And there you have it, sportsfiends. A fourth championship for the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and perhaps their toughest win yet. To the relief of many other teams, the Dirt Bursters announced after their victory that they would be departing for other tournaments across the globe, spreading the MMBBL's name as ambassadors of our sport. Joining them on this tour will be the highly-regarded Meathooks, led by their veteran captain Beef Bigaxe and golden goblin Hammish.

Thanks for tuning in, folks! The MMBBL Commissioner's Office thanks its coach wrangler, its owners, its coaches and officials, its players living, dead and at points in between, and of course its legions of fans. And be watchful, for another great season is on the horizon as we speak...

Slow and Steady Sees Dirt Bursters Through

And now, the other half of the MMBBL playoff whole! With the Smash and Go'nads waiting for their opponent in the finals, all that remained was for the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and Blueriver Wardoves to determine which of them was to advance and meet the dwarves for all the marbles. You all know the Dirt Bursters - winners of three straight tournaments and favoured to repeat. The Wardoves, however, are gaining quite a following with their unique combination of skill, speed and limited edition 8x10 glossies. The ugliest of uglies and the beefcake from Blueriver - who would get their trip to the finals?

To the delight of the elven fans in attendance, the impressive Prince Moranian had joined the Wardoves to aid in their fight for glory. The extra elfpower would be most welcome indeed, for after the Dirt Bursters won the coin toss, the referee was never seen again. Suspicion surrounds a particularly noisy section of the Dirt Bursters' fans, where a rather large zombie was spotted wearing black and white stripes that didn't fit him at all. In any case, a messenger was sent to find a replacement official. In the meantime, there would be no holds barred for the first half of this semifinal tilt!

After a stellar kickoff by the Wardoves, Ned Gummers retrieved the ball and quickly joined his teammates in a protective knot of undead bodies. Sticking to their zone defense, the elves recoiled and regrouped, providing no clean avenue for Gummers to make a run at the end zone. The downside would be that some elves would still need to take the brunt of the Dirt Bursters' wrath. First on the list was Stryth Leafmauler, knocked out cold by the ever-dangerous Chunk Norton. Not even mighty Moranian was safe, as Magut the mummy lined him up for a stunning smash. A shining chance came for the elves when Tsih Killwillow, heedless of the cries from his legions of admirers, leaped directly into the undead offense in an attempt to dislodge Ned Gummers from the safety of his teammates. The attack was a partial success, temporarily disrupting the Dirt Bursters' advance. Somehow, after the other undead players realized there was an elf among them, Killwillow survived by deftly leading his assailants to shove him back out of the box. Meanwhile, Chunk Norton was seen repeatedly fouling Prince Moranian, although no referee emerged to call him for it.

Any elf maiden who hadn't previously fainted upon witnessing Tsih Killwillow's near-suicidal leaping charge soon did as he attempted a second such attack. Once again the elven heartthrob hurled himself into harm's way, shoving Ned Gummers down the line, hoping that his teammates might find a chance to strike him. Unfortunately, the only major shoving was going in the opposite direction, as Albiir Featherdeath was dispatched by Khermit of the Dirt Bursters. Carted off the field in serious pain, Featherdeath was quickly revived by Wardoves medical staff who knew that they were in no position to start losing players. Finally having enough of the interfering dropkicks, wight No Guts Bob knocked Tsih Killwillow out and opened a hole through which the slippery Ned Gummers could squeeze. lurching down the pitch, Gummers scored the first point of the match near the end of the first half. To the joy of the Wardoves fans, every elf knocked on his bottom during the first drive was ready to battle once more. Unfortunately, time wound down soon after the undead kickoff, and the score remained 1-0 through halftime.

Once they took the field again, the Blueriver Wardoves made no illusions about their high-powered airborne offense. Nearly every eligible receiver went straight down the middle of the field, and the Dirt Busters threw themselves at the elves to slow their charge. Only so much can be done against the incredibly nimble Wardoves receivers, however, and Angruil Grimmrose was out of harm's way without so much as breaking a sweat. Bendark Mossfang's clear vision and smooth throw found him, and just like that the score was tied at one.

With a near-perfect kick, the Wardoves were back on the defensive, and with a knockout blow from Magut to Bendyrm Cloudrender, the Dirt Bursters were back on the offense. Chompsalot snatched up the ball and went into the now familiar formation of absolute protective advance. Still plowing the way was Magut, this time throttling line elf Dellin Finchtalon into the infirmary, where he was fortunately restored to game shape by the medics. A near-break in the undead formation showed midway through the drive, but no elf could capitalize on the minor miscue. Once again, out of the backfield came the leaping Tsih Killwillow,but the Dirt Bursters were prepared for his antics this time. Chompsalot dealt with the free-falling catcher with ease, and Killwillow was left stunned on the pitch while the undead continued to advance. Now desperate, the elves saw their line dwindle further as Magut knocked out yet another player, this time leveling Pynian Grassripper. The final low came as ghoul runner Bahnaynay clawed through a gap in Stryth Leafmauler's armour and brought his hand out with the elf's heart as well. With the occasional cry of "Ka Li Mah" from the nearby crowd, Leafmauler fell dead to the ground, and Bahnaynay tossed the heart nonchalantly to the sidelines. Fortunately the elf doctors had enough know-how between them to repair and revive the gruesomely gutted line elf. While they worried about saving a life, however, Chompsalot had broken free of the remaining elf coverage and given the Dirt Bursters the lead once more, with barely any time left on the clock.

With the game all but in the body bag, the Dirt Bursters kicked off and, to no one's surprise, there once again was no referee present on the pitch. This time, we can safely assume that the official wanted nothing to do with what might happen after this crowd got out of the stands. Even more convenient for the Dirt Bursters was the seemingly random appearance of a meteor on the elven side of the field. The meteor proved weaker than advertised though, and the completely unlucky Stryth Leafmauler simply passed out from heat exposure. Time ran out, the game was over. A two to one victory for the returning champions.

This match's MVP awards went to Khermit of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and Dellin Finchtalon of the Blueriver Wardoves. After the match at a press conference, the Wardoves announced that line elf Mlalyn Firefawn had been moved from his on-field position to lead cheerleader for the ribbon-bearing Wardoves motivational dancers. He and a trio of comely elf maidens would round out the new cheer squad, a change in pace that we're sure Firefawn does not object to. The Wardoves also have announced the hiring of a quartet of assistant coaches to delegate the various aspects of their game. The Dirt Burster's for their part, announced that "Dwarf was back on the menu".

One more match remains, and it's the big one! Get your seats, get your popcorn, bring your jersey and your projectile weapons of choice! Tomorrow night, the BLOOD BOWL is on in the MMBBL! See you then!

Dirt Bursters Take Out Takedown

With one of the four quarter-final matches in the books, we bring you contest number two - the returning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters versus newcomers the Traumatic Takedown. it's easy to guess who the favourite was in this one, but don't for a second think that the chaos dwarves, centaurs and hobgoblins of the Takedown might simply have rolled over. They once again bulked up their line for this match, bringing in favourites like Morg N'Thorg and Zzharg Madeye to add some punch and pizazz. The weather was fine, the fans were roaring, and the first kickoff went to the Dirt Bursters.

The kick sailed high and slow enough for ghoul runner Chompsalot to get under the ball and catch it smartly. With that, the undead squad members set about their respective tasks, starting with Lez White the Wight. Whether for the intimidation factor or simply for the love of it, Lez crashed forward into a hapless journeyman hobgoblin, caving in the latter's skull and gorging himself on the soft, chewy center. Not to be outdone by his little buddy, Magut the mummy brought his wrath to bear on line dwarf Buster Kneecaps, though with less permanent results, only putting Kneecaps out for the rest of the game. With the ghoul rush in full swing, the Takedown looked to Morg N'Thorg for inspiration, as the star ogre used his superior size to knock out the plucky Lanks McBreak. The battle of attrition would be won by the Dirt Bursters, though, as the other mummy terror, Khermit, leveled Charlie Horse to the pitch, leaving medical staff to cart him away to heal in the off season. With the defense already dwindling, Chompsalot had no true obstacles to his first score of the game. 1-0 Dirt Bursters, with the crowd going wild.

Undermanned but hoping still to spring back, the Traumatic Takedown lined up to receive. The undead kickoff was exceptional, however, and Perry Carditis, the Takedown's hobgoblin quarterback, had a devil of a time getting on his way to retrieve the football. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, decided to press their current manpower advantage, and under the combined power of mummies, wights and zombies, the chaos dwarf defense crumbled. Blazing past Carditis went newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot, the controversial rookie who took over Ol Teabagger's #15 on the roster. Controversy was ignored by the Dirt Bursters fans, however, as Bagrot grabbed the ball and charged downfield for a quick second score.

Enough time remained on the clock, and the fans were bellowing for some last-second heroics, but unfortunately the half whistle blew before the Takedown could get organized on offense. Luckily, they would receive again at the start of the second half, hopefully to close the gap that the undead had opened up.

As the teams returned, it was evident that certain protocols of secret weaponry were being ignored, for the confident stride of Zzharg Madeye onto the field contradicted his apparent ejection after the first half. The refs were letting it slide, though, and the Dirt Bursters kicked off to restart the hostilities. Madeye must have missed the kickoff while jawing with an undead heckler, because the ball dropped right next to him without even so much as an attempt to grab it. The thunder of undead footsteps quickly reminded him of where he was, and after loading the ball into the muzzle of his blunderbuss, Zzharg fired the blackened squigskin downfield, into the waiting arms of hobgoblin catcher Plex Fracture. With most of the undead still stampeding down the pitch to get to Madeye, they had little time to turn and chase after Fracture, who ran through some remaining coverage and brought the Takedown within a point, putting up the touchdown for the chaos dwarves. As Zzharg Madeye returned to the dugout, the officials decided at last to eject him for good, and a scowling Madeye hurled his blunderbuss into the crowd in protest before being shown the door.

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, as many have learned, are never content to sit on a one-point lead, and today was no exception. The high kickoff went to Chompsalot, but the ghoul couldn't hold on for the catch. Picking the football up from where it lay, then falling in with the protection of his fellow ghouls and helpful wights, Chompsalot became the focal point of a nigh-impenetrable undead offensive push. Resistance came, of course, but was rebuffed at every turn. Stumps O'Boggy, the slow but certain dispenser of doom, laid out another hobgoblin journeyman and adding another notch to the body count. The mighty Morg N'Thorg, though strong and capable, was awash in a sea of rot, and was brought down in a heap by the feisty Lanks McBreak. Still more pain was to be perpetrated by the Dirt Bursters as Lez White earned his second casualty of the night, putting the Buccinator out of contention for the remainder of the game. Again, the chaos dwarf resources were exhausted, and again Chompsalot was given a free pass to the end zone, putting the score up to 3-1 and restoring the two point cushion.

Down but not quite out, the remaining members of the Traumatic Takedown took to the field with Morg N'Thorg front and center. As the kickoff went up, a bit of unregulated enthusiasm came out of the stands, as Ortho Pnoea of the Takedown was stunned by a chunk of disturbingly-aged cheese chucked from the second deck. No sooner than he had dropped to the pitch, a shot rang out from the opposite side of the field, as the fan who had recovered Zzharg Madeye's blunderbuss took aim and unloaded at wight blocker No Guts Bob. The shot, filled with an assortment of cutlery, rocks, gunpowder and toenail clippings, bored a watermelon-sized hole in No Guts Bob's, well, guts, and a necromantic first-response team carted him away to the sidelines. Luckily for Bob, he was indeed gutless, and recovered from the injury with ease.

Looking for a sure thing as he picked up the ball, Perry Carditis saw nothing but double coverage all over the field - not a receiver in sight! But, seeing the hulking from of Morg N'Thorg pummeling zombies led him to pass the ball in that direction. With a cry of "Hey! Morg!", the hobgoblin quarterback hurled a pass to the ogre, who caught it, shrugged with little enthusiasm, and began to wade through the bodies of his enemies in the direction of the end zone. Pushing and shoving his way through the line, Morg seemed like the only thing going right for the Takedown, as Khermit the mummy earned his second round of brutal approval by clobbering centaur runner Dead Leg and putting him out of commission. The undead line began to shift away from the fallen dwarves and hobgoblins to confront Morg N'Thorg, and there proved to be enough resistance as Magut knocked the big guy to the dirt. On the spot immediately was the ghoul Ned Gummers, who was well on his way to the end zone the moment he snatched up the ball. Before he made it there, Plex Fracture was called on a foul against a downed zombie, but it mattered little. Time expired as Gummers crossed the goal line, and the Dirt Bursters were on their way to a semifinals berth. The final score - 4-1 for the returning champions.

Match MVPs for this quarter-final bout were Dead Leg of the Traumatic Takedown, displaying remarkable agility for someone with so many legs to look after, and Lanks McBreak of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who did the impossible in containing the mighty Morg N'Thorg almost single-handedly with timely blocks and tackles. Once again making a name for himself was Chompsalot the ghoul, who leaped and scrambled his way to two touchdowns in the contest.

Another day, another contender eliminated! Respect to the Takedown is due for taking on the champs in two consecutive matches, and we look forward to seeing more of them in the future! Tune in again soon for the next quarter-final summary!

The 2008 Blood Bowl Playoffs

Here you go, sportsfiends, the brackets for this year's Blood Bowl tournament! We've got some interesting stories brewing in the quarter finals here.

A: Bloodsand Blasters vs. Smash and Go'nads: This one could get messy! The dwarves are tough customers who can hold their own, but the mummies on the Blasters' squad will be looking to cause all kinds of havoc!

B: Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters vs. Traumatic Takedown: A rematch decided by fate, the Dirt Bursters are clear favourites. There's always a chance for a spoiler, though, and revenge, for the chaos dwarf squad, may be best-served as cold as the grave.

C: Blackwater Bilgerunners vs. Brutakai Ragefangs: This could be one of the most exciting match-ups to date, as the speedy skaven have hired on some muscle in the form of their new rat ogre, while the Ragefangs have really come into their own this season, displaying both skill and strength.

D: Meathooks vs. Blueriver Wardoves: Yet another immediate rematch, these two teams battled to an exciting three-all tie last week, and each has had a chance to test their strengths and identify their weaknesses in this latest chapter of the great struggle between elf and orc!

Pick your favourites! Taunt the enemy! Break out the team colours and shout your anthem proudly! The "A" and "C" games are set to kick off this weekend, and we'll be on hand to cover every thrilling touchdown, each bone-crushing tackle, and all the fun of the MMBBL's first Blood Bowl Summer tournament!

Chompsalot Romps (a Lot!) in Victory

Thanks go out to you, Coach Wrangler, for another entertaining installment of the Gameday Journal!

The final challenge match of the blood Bowl regular season took place last night, with the upstart Traumatic Takedown looking to crack the tough nut that is the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, no doubt looking to capitalize on the recent departure of the league's top player, Ol' Teabagger. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, needed to prove that they weren't simply a support crew for the Man.

Under a pleasant evening sky, in a stadium predominantly occupied by apprehensive undead fans, the Traumatic Takedown kicked off to start the Dirt Bursters' first offensive drive. Notably present on the pitch for the Takedown were both the hulking form of the impressive Morg N'Thorg, brought in to offset the threat of undead mummies, and Zzharg Madeye, well-known (but rarely penalized) for his impressive ball-chucking blunderbuss. With their help and a little luck, the chaos dwarf squad hoped to pull off a stunning upset to end the regular season.

Not long after the kick had landed, the Dirt Bursters began their assault, quite literally. The favourite son of Dusk Hill brought the crowd to its feet and/or stumps early on when he hurled himself madly onto centaur Charlie Horse, causing enough damage to the four-legged player to leave him crippled for the remainder of the game. Meanwhile, Ned Gummers grabbed the ball from where it lay and began his drive to the end zone. He might have chosen a better trajectory though, for not long after he gained possession he was knocked flat by Morg N'Thorg, and would not wake up until some time later. Right up behind the fallen Gummers was fellow ghoul Chompsalot, and the nimble nibbler soon had retrieved what his teammate had lost. Helping to clear the path was yet a third ghoul, the up-and-coming Bahnaynay, who shoved dwarf lineman Buster Kneecaps into the stands where he was, unfortunately, maimed to a reasonably great degree. Kneecaps is expected to miss the first game of the playoffs due to the injury. In what proved to be a compelling argument in support of firearms, Zzharg Madeye proved to be the last line of defense for the Takedown. To his credit, he smacked Chompsalot hard enough to dislodge the ball and a few teeth, but the wily ghoul got back up immediately and was into the end zone before the furious dwarf could react.

With their numbers dwindling already due to injury and ejections, the Traumatic Takedown needed to make good on every opportunity if they were to stand a chance. After a high kick fell into the arms of Perry Carditis, the hobgoblins showed their inexperience as Ortho Pnoea dropped an easy catch from his teammate. To make matters worse, Magut the mummy was back on the rampage after an uncharacteristically friendly season, slamming into Splenic Pain of the Takedown. Pain was recovered from the pitch and pronounced dead, but the apothecaries took him out back in a series of buckets, then returned to pronounce him "not dead." Still, mortal tissue being what it is, we don't expect to see what remains of this dwarf for a while. Amidst the chaos, Chompsalot the ghoul had once again found his way to the ball after the Takedown's miscue, and with uncanny ease he shuffled off to the end zone for yet another touchdown.

The players lined up for a final play to close out the first half, but despite the Dirt Bursters' eagerness to score again on the blitz, time expired prior to any potential playmaking. At the half, the score was two to nothing for the Dusk Hill denizens.

We aren't sure how they swung it, but when the second half started, there was Zzharg Madeye once more, blunderbuss slung over his shoulder. Booed incessantly by the crowd, Madeye calmly received the kickoff from the Dirt Bursters, and shot the football to Ortho Pnoea before watching the dwarf line collapse under pressure from the mummies and wights of the Dirt Bursters. A seemingly foolproof plan was forming in the minds of the Takedown, however, as Pnoea then handed off to Morg N'Thorg. It would take much more than a random zombie or ghoul to knock that guy over.

Unfortunately for the Traumatic Takedown, the Dirt Bursters did just that. Getting behind the effort of Khermit the mummy, multiple Dirt Bursters players assisted as the towering ogre was toppled to the earth. In the confusion, the Takedown did exact some small amount of revenge, as Perry Carditis sneaked a vicious kick to the fallen Magut, who was not seriously harmed. What followed next was a truly bizarre occurrence. Newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot was leveled by dwarf lineman Third Degree Bernie...who has been dead for nearly the entire season. Closer inspection of the play revealed that a fanatical spectator, enraged that someone had taken Ol' Teabagger's roster spot, stormed onto the field to remove the supposed usurper. Bagrot would miss the rest of the game, and the fanatic was ejected from the match courtesy of this week's major sponsor, Murving's Used Catapults. As play continued, Khermit the mummy continued to haunt Morg N'Thorg with the assistance of several smaller undead. Chompsalot was nearly in the clear, with only the frantic Zzharg Madeye with a chance to stop him. The effort was there, but the results were unremarkable, and Chompsalot managed his third - yes, third - touchdown of the day. Hats rained down from the stands, among them caps, helms, feathered monstrosities and the occasional groaning head. As the stadium grounds crew cleaned up, the scoreboard read 3-0 for the Dirt Bursters.

With barely any time left for another play, the Dirt Bursters pulled their ghouls back into a safer position, but the move proved less than important as the remaining defenders on the line opted to blitz. the kickoff was bad, and resulted in a touchback, and the ball went to Perry Carditis of the Takedown. Carditis completed a pass to Ortho Pnoea, but the latter was quickly run down and stripped of the ball by Chompsalot, who tossed it to Ned Gummers for safe keeping. With nothing left to do but wait, Lanks McBreak gave the undead fans one more thing to cheer about, as he throttled Busitis Olecranon bad enough to warrant some time off at the start of the playoffs. The whistle blew, and the game ended, a decisive victory for the mighty Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.

Match MVP awards went to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters in what was assumed to be a typo, and to Plex Fracture of the Traumatic Takedown, who was not particularly deserving either. More impressive accolades went to Magut the mummy for his unstoppable urge to throw a hit at anything that so much as looked at him and a few things which didn't see him coming at all.

That's it, folks. The regular season is over and done and the brackets are set for the Blood Bowl tournament playoffs! The brackets will be up for viewing shortly, and the first quarterfinals matches will be taking place this Sunday. See you then!

A Legend is Lost

In the game of Blood Bowl, there are great victories, as well as great losses. A league of action, excitement, and suspense, the MMBBL prides itself on being both thrilling and shocking, with emotion running high not only on the pitch, but in the stands and across the known world itself. Despite all this, no one could have foreseen, much less been ready for, the events of last week's challenge match of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Meathooks. What follows here is only one point of view, one thin sliver of the moments which passed into history that day. There may be millions more - all holding in common the one question.

Where were you when the Legend fell?

The warm sun shone down on the pitch, and brief gusts of wind blew through the stadium as the MMBBL's two most storied teams took to the field. Separated into different divisions due to expansion, this match had been anticipated since the first kickoff of the Summer season. The Meathooks won the coin toss and elected to receive first. The wind picked up slightly as the ball was kicked into play, but proved of little consequence. Unfortunately for the Meathooks, their first pass of the game fell incomplete from Pickles to the usually-adept Hammish, and on the miscue the orc line began to collapse before the ravenous undead. Through the gaps like a bullet came who else but Ol' Teabagger, eager to make an opponent pay for its mistakes for the umpteenth time. Leaping over a fallen black orc, cruising towards the ball, O.T.B. scooped up the prize and was on his way! The only one who could hope to stop him was Gristly Slötturhaus, but the troll proved largely ineffective as opposed to simply large, and while he idly inspected the contents of his nostrils, Ol' Teabagger easily made his way down to score the first point of the game.

Once again, the Dirt Bursters kicked off to the Meathooks. The orc offense seemed much better prepared this time, even more prepared than the undead as they quickly shifted to optimize their position. Pickles caught the ball with ease, and handed off to the mighty Beef Bigaxe, the Meathooks' hard-working captain. Breaking through the surprised Dirt Bursters defense, Bigaxe was well on his way to scoring the equalizer until he was taken down by the quick Chompsalot. Coming out of the woodwork to seize another opportunity, Ol' Teabagger once again arrived ont he scene to retrieve the dropped cargo. Falling in with support from two wights, he made his way down the sideline and out of the reach of many orc players. All of them, in fact, save one Ramrod Meatmissile - a humble lineman who had only ever played a supporting role on the Meathooks squad, having only one casualty to his name and serving primarily as the free bread in a seven-course meal. However ordinary he may have been, he was about to get his moment in the spotlight.

Dodging out of coverage with skill born of pride and grit, Meatmissile weaved his way around the protection of the wights and threw a desperate block against the O.T.B., planting his feet firmly and giving the ghoul a mighty shove. Unbeknown to Meatmissile, he had firmly planted his feet directly on top of Ol' Teabagger's feet, in fact crushing several bones in the process. The sensation briefly reminded the ghoul's twisted corpse of the sensation of death, locking his limbs into a nervous memory of rigor mortis. With no way to roll with the blow, Ol' Teabagger's spine simply cracked and broke at the pelvis, and Ramrod Meatmissile ran forward another two or three yards before realizing that he had torn the undead player in half and was now draping his gore all along the sideline. The hush of death overcame the crowd for a moment, until a cry of "It's OVER!" erupted from an orc fan. The Dirt Bursters' faithful moaned and shuffled in woeful sorrow, but were drowned out by legions of death-crazed orcs chanting the name of the most unlikely of heroes - Meatmissile! was the name on the lips of every greenskin across the continent.

Finally recovering from the shock of the situation, the two wights handy to the disaster made their best effort to shove Meatmissile around, but merely pushed him onto the ball, where the surprising orc retrieved it. Finally, Lez White stripped him of the prize and recovered it, only to taste a flying forearm from Beef Bigaxe, come to protect his teammate. With the ball squirting free and the bodies piling up, the nimble Bahnaynay arrived to pick up the leftovers, and went almost unnoticed in scoring a touchdown while the rest of the players brawled in the dirt. At halftime, the score was 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters, but with the void of their best player looming large, not one of them felt like much of a winner.

The start of the second half did nothing to quell the mutterings among the crowd. People frantically tried to cancel bets. Orcs were drunk and rowdy with more than usual fury. The shambling hordes of undead looked more lost than usual, and even less happy to be there. Indeed, several had already gone back to their tombs in mourning. Nevertheless, the show did go on as Chompsalot fielded the kick. Hoping to give the undead a taste of their own medicine, the hulking T-Boner plowed through the undead line, making room for blitzers Beef Bigaxe and Moose Burger to follow up through the gaps. Bigaxe quickly stripped the ball from Chompsalot, and Burger snatched up the football. Attempting a pass to Chip Bonesaw, Burger could only grumble as the line orc dropped the pass.

The reality of the situation finally registering in the rotted minds of the Dirt Bursters line, the smashiest of smashies began their retaliatory rampage. Khermit, roaring with unholy unpleasantness clobbered black orc Grunt Skunchman, removing the big fellow from contention. Chompsalot recovered the ball once more from where it lay, and broke through the line to horrible daylight, flanked by fellow ghoul Bahnaynay. Beef Bigaxe made his best effort and stripped the ball again, but left himself open for abuse for his trouble. Chunk Norton hustled out of the pile-up and blitzed Bigaxe over the guardrail and into the crowd, where he was carried high on the arms of ecstatic orc fans until they deposited him at the dugout. Though thankful that their own star was saved from possible doom, the Meathooks unfortunately lost track of the ball at this point, and the impressive Bahnaynay gathered it into his arms and ran it in to add another point to the board.

With little time remaining, the Meathooks would have to stomach the loss of the match, but with the added sugary sensation of eliminating the greatest player in the league, it wasn't very hard to take. A few brief passing plays by Pickles and Hammish ended the contest with the Dirt Bursters taking the three to nothing victory, but without the usual joyful echo if the undead crowd to go with it. Still, despite this great loss, the Dirt Bursters have a strong corps of ghouls remaining, led by new leader Ned Gummers, with Chompsalot bringing his everyday fiend approach to the game and rookie Bahnaynay showing flashes of brilliance.

The match MVPs for the game were the mighty T-Boner of the Meathooks, and the very deserving Chompsalot of the Dirt Bursters, who really stepped up and showed dazzling agility all game long.

Only a few matches remain, sportsfiends, before the playoffs begin for the Blood Bowl Summer Championship! We'll have more reports in soon, from both myself and from the exciting gameday journal of your favourite Coach Wrangler!

Go'nads Go Big, Dirt Bursters Hold on for Tie

Here we are, a mere two weeks from playoffs, and still much of the future is up in the air! In Deathdealer division this week, two games with much riding on them took place as the Smash and Go'nads did battle with the Blackwater Bilgerunners and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters squared off with the Blueriver Wardoves. Even weeks before the playoffs begin, these four forces can feel the do-or-die pressure building already. The only question? Who would do, and who wold die?

The Blackwater Bilgerunners, still recovering from their physical struggle with a handful of mummies, were down a few players and needed to call up a couple of rats from the practice squad to round out the team. From the very first kickoff, though, the skaven spirits were lifted as even though there were more dwarven fans on hand, the Bilgerunner supporters were loud beyond compare. The noise may have been more of a distraction than a help though, as the first pass from gutter runner Dingleberry to teammate Twinkletoes was bobbled and dropped. Twinkletoes quickly recovered from the blunder and sent the ball back to Dingleberry, who made good on the reception. With dwarf coverage coming down fast on him, Dingleberry got his foot tied up in a beard as he attempted to skitter free of danger and fell flat on his face.

Immediately on the ball to was Smash and Go'nads runner Adam Meway, who couldn't make much headway as both teams took several miscues during the broken play. Eventually the Skaven got their act together and put sufficient pressure on Meway for linerat Krunch to throw a block, and it turned out to be much more than just a block. Meway dumped the ball off on his way down, and Krunch, with a presence of mind not usually associated with the jittery Skaven race, smoothly reached out and reeled the ball in himself! Unfortunately, the rest of the dwarven line had finally caught up to the play by now, and Krunch was emphatically crunched by troll slayer Gil T. Azell. Blitzer Stu Padasso pounced on the loose ball and took a short stroll down to the end zone for the first point of the match. The boisterous crowd, once roaring for the Bilgerunners, was now erupting with song as the Go'nads faithful bellowed a drunken rendition of their team's anthem.

On the following drive, the Go'nads kicked off and stacked their defense to halt any last-minute shenanigans. Though there was time for Dingleberry to complete a pass to Twinkletoes, there wasn't time for much more. The half ended with the dwarves leading one to nothing, but with a whole new half to go it was still anyone's game.

Returning from the locker rooms and ready for action, the two squads took to the pitch once more. The Skaven kickoff left much to be desired, and though he missed the catch, runner Adam Meway was quickly on the ball and off down the field. As the defenders closed in on him, Meway lobbed the ball to his partner in crime Dick Gozinia, but the latter couldn't reel it in. Luck was with the dwarves however, as a failed pickup attempt by Gimpy the linerat saw the ball bounce right back into Adam Meway's hands. The dwarf march resumed with Meway being guarded on either side by Achilles Punks and Stu Padasso, making the crafty runner virtually untouchable. As the slow march continued, skaven tempers flared as the dwarf offense held its steady pace, until finally a quick pass from Adam Meway to a wide-open Dick Gozinia resulted in a touchdown. The dwarf crowd absolutely exploded, due to a combination of joy, beer and possibly dynamite. Up two to nothing, the Go'nads needed only weather the Bilgerunners' speedy offense for a few more minutes.

It didn't help the Bilgerunners' cause that they were still so angry from the last drive. Trash talking began brewing between the two squads as they set up for the next drive, and whatever was said must have hit home, be it comments about someone's mother's beard or someone else's peculiar looking tumor, because the players began to beat on each other before the whistle even blew! The debacle was sorted out quickly, due to the relative smallness of the Skaven and the entirely objective drunkenness of the dwarves, but time had still ticked off the clock and there was little hope for a full comeback by the Bilgerunners.

Regardless, the rats lined up for their drive. In contrast to the previous drive's sloppy kickoff, the Go'nads executed a gorgeous kick, and the ball came to rest in the furthest corner of the field. Still not dissuaded, the Skaven took their drive seriously. Piddlepaw retrieved the football and hurled it forward to Twinkletoes, who dodged a possibly disastrous hit before sprinting in for a touchdown. A small victory, however, as time ran out just seconds later. The final score was 2-1 for an elated Smash and Go'nads squad, finally experiencing the thrill of victory.

Match MVPs were Twinkletoes of the Bilgerunners for his notable blocking despite his diminutive stature, and Phil DeGrave of the Smash and Go'nads for his stellar defensive guarding.Also noteworthy were Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, two halves of the same dwarven offensive whole and displaying impressive calm and focus when faced with even the tightest coverage. After the match, the Bilgerunners held a brief press conference to introduce their latest addition. The mighty rat ogre O'Rattigan was added to bring much-needed muscle to a speedy but underpowered Skaven squad.

The evening's second match brought the rising star of the Blueriver Wardoves into alignment with the blazing power of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, whose spark has long-since exploded into a winning streak which has spanned more than two full seasons. With a strong passing game keeping them afloat, the Wardoves have seen hardship in the receiver corps, with injuries plaguing the magnificent Tsih Killwillow and Sutlan Spearflower's stunning season being cut short by his grisly demise. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, have remained dominant, despite their recent pickups Clackers Rattlehead and Eric Shun contributing little to the cause but a couple of warm spots on the bench. To meet the challenge the Dirt Bursters posed, the elves had hired on not only the illustrious Prince Moranian, but the devastatingly distracting Eldril Sidewinder as well.

The contest would prove a challenge for both sides as a third competitor made its appearance - nature itself was taking a toll on the players as the heat and humidity were far above toe comfort zone for everyone involved. Young ladies in the stands swooned as the Wardoves took to the pitch, sweaty with effort. The undead had no easy time of it either, as soggy burial wrappings and hordes of flies plagued the Dirt Bursters both on and off the field. The undead were set to receive first, and the were nearly caught with their pants down as the unbearably beautiful Eldril Sidewinder practically stunned Khermit the mummy with his latest show-stopping pose, and the elven defenders flooded through the gap as Ned Gummers caught the high kick. Furious at his own lack of attention, Khermit helped himself to some deconstructive criticism as he leveled line elf Tanthil Twigbreaker, and the latter had to be removed from the pitch, unable to return. The elves pursued the Dirt Bursters' ghouls doggedly, but Gummers and company proved too wily for them, and Ned Gummers strode into the end zone to start the scoring.

Much to the elves' chagrin, both Eldril Sidewinder and Prince Moranian were left exhausted by the heat, and needed special care from the Wardoves' Bloodweiser Babes before they could return tot the pitch. Likewise, Stumps O'Boggy and Magut of the Dirt Bursters found themselves losing consistency and required time to properly congeal once more. Another high kick, this one to the elves, started the second drive, and ace thrower Bendark Mossfang caught the ball effortlessly. The Wardoves ran their patterns as well-oiled (coconut, we're told) machine, and with calculated precision, Mossfang connected with Stryth Leafmauler on a pass. Leafmauler danced through coverage and handed off to Albiir Featherdeath, who was unscathed as he scored the tying point.

Still the heat persisted. Though those previously out of commission had returned, new players succumbed to the sun's searing rays. Mlalyn Firefawn of the Wardoves was stricken, as were Chunk Norton and Clackers Rattlehead of the Dirt Bursters. The undead offense was quick to get started, and the kick sailed wide and resulted in a touchback, giving a significant advantage to the Dirt Bursters. Ol' Teabagger started the drive with a pass to Ned Gummers, but the latter became tied up in the elven defense. Even with the added push from his teammates, Gummers gained little ground, and the half ended before more points could be earned.

After halftime, once more the mighty Magut was unable to participate due to the oppressive heat. The Wardoves, however, had adapted to the weather by summoning a contingent of tiny air elementals, with several of the creatures attending to each player, providing a cool, refreshing sensation on their skin as well as an impressive breeze which danced through their well-styled hair. This time, the elves got the jump on the undead defense, and the surprise proved costly for the Dirt Bursters as Ned Gummers was laid out by Fhorin Bloodmeadow, and will likely be missing the next match as a result. Still, one ghoul down doesn't remove the other three, and soon enough Ol' Teabagger was chasing down Bendark Mossfang for the sack. Despite the ferocious coverage, Mossfang made no mistake in hitting Angruil Grimmrose with the throw, and the showy catcher backflipped into the end zone before spiking the football into the turf as the legions of sighing elf maidens looked on.

As the next drive began, at last the brutal heat broke under the weight of impressive stormclouds, and the world was a washed-out shade of gray as the rain poured down in buckets. For every fan in the stands who sought shelter, three more simply enjoyed the rush of cool water, and while the undead sections took on the grim mood of a gloomy cemetery, the elf sections looked decidedly more like a poolside party at one of Tsih Killwillow's post-game parties. Honestly, it's a wonder anyone actually paid attention tot he rest of the game. The Dirt Bursters were certainly paying attention, though, and the undead rush to the line on the kickoff was all the elves could handle in the driving rain. Squeezing through a gap with effortless ease, who else but the O.T.B. came through, ball clutched firmly under one arm as he booked it double-time for the end zone. When this ghoul puts what's left of his mind to something, it's very, very hard to make him stop, and the score was knotted at two sooner than anyone realized.

With time enough for another drive, the Wardoves were confident that they could pull off this upset. Unfortunately things started to go sideways for them as soon as the kick was off. And undead peanut vendor, furious that the rain had ruined his heretofore booming business selling blood-flavoured slush, hurled his small vendor cart over the guardrail and onto the unsuspecting head of Valandil Dreadlily of the Wardoves. Dreadlily was fine despite suffering a crushed helmet and a bruised ego, but the gap in the elves' offense would be costly. Lacking proper support, Albiir Featherdeath was overrun by the ravenous undead, and No Guts Bob brought the hammer down on him, putting him out for the remainder of the game. With the line depleted, the elves could only hope for a desperation play to win it for them, but it was not to be. The whistle blew and the final score stood at 2-2. The unbeaten streak for the Dirt Bursters lived on, but the win streak was finally over.

Match MVPs for this game were the Blueriver Wardoves' hard-working Fhorin Bloodmeadow and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters' resurgent golden boy, Lanks McBreak. Further recognition goes out to Angruil Grimmrose, who was absolutely untouchable in the contest, to Dirt Bursters' mummy Khermit who redeemed himself for his early gaffe with a solid defensive presence, and to the O.T.B., whose steady play and careful ball-handling added to the legend. Amazingly enough, the fan presence for the Dusk Hill squad seemed diminished after the game. it could be that their loyalty lasts only so long as the victories pile up...or perhaps they just dried up and blew away before the rain hit.

Week five has almost drawn to a close, sportsfiends! This Sunday we'll have a clash of titans as the Dirt Bursters issue their challenge to the Meathooks, and a surprising return challenge as the Blueriver Wardoves call out the Brutakai Ragefangs once more! Look for more updates soon!

Elves and Skaven Explode with Offense; Dwarf Simply Explodes

After an unavoidable delay, here at last are the results of week three's matchups in the Deathdealer division. One game was a battle of incredible speed and agility, while the other was more notable for the wide assortment of smells involved.

The first match saw the ever-dangerous Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters defend their incredible unbeaten streak against the down but determined forces of the Smash and Go'nads. Despite a slow start, the Go'nads have been a great physical force in the MMBBL this season, led by the brutal, smash-mouth play of lineman Eric Shun, whose hard, unyielding style of play garnered an impressive three casualties in his first game of the season. What can be said about the Dirt Bursters, those marching, moaning, magnificent monsters of the gridiron, which has not already been said? They may not have been born ready, but they certainly died ready. In an attempt to gain an edge over the undead, the Go'nads hired on Barik Farblast, inventor of the Farblast 5000 Passing Machine, and had also bribed enough officials to ensure that the wily dwarf would be able to play the entire match without ejection. The Dirt Bursters also signed skeleton Clackers Rattlehead to an entry-level contract.

With the sun shining and the crowd roaring, the Dirt Bursters were set to receive first. With calculated, almost mechanical resolve, the undead showed their quality amid the screaming of the fans, with superb blocks by the offensive line establishing a running corridor for ghoul Ned Gummers. Gummers charged out of midfield and was home free from dwarf coverage, until a bolt of lightning from the upper deck flashed towards him, intent on stopping the runner cold. With an athleticism and poise unheard of in the ranks of the deceased, Gummers dodged pure lightning and strode in for the touchdown, free of harm. Needless to say, the dwarves and their fans were stunned.

As the Smash and Go'nads prepared for their first offensive drive, a Dirt Bursters fan, responding in kind for the attack on his team's runner, hurled a nearby skeleton fan's head at the Go'nads' main distributor of pain, Eric Shun, knocking the dwarf face-down on the pitch. The ball was kicked off anyway, and Barik Farblast made his move to retrieve it. After Farblast's pass to runner Dick Gozinia was good, the latter found himself quickly set upon by Dirt Bursters' star player, Ol' Teabagger. Unable to avoid The Man's coverage, Gozinia went down and the ghoul recovered the rock. Storming towards the end zone, Ol' Teabagger demonstrated that not every moment in a great player's career is memorable, as he caught his foot on the stray skull tossed in earlier and crashed in a heap at the goal line. The dwarves were hard-pressed to retrieve the lost ball, and sure enough, more ghouls came out of the woodwork to try for the score. Ned Gummers made his approach first and threw the ball laterally to teammate Chompsalot, who then streaked towards the end zone. He never made it there, however, as a blatant, unmistakable foul ended the Dirt Bursters' drive immediately thereafter. Zombie Stumps O'Boggy, apparently sick of hearing about the exploits of Eric Shun, descended upon the dwarf lineman with a powerful punch which shattered the dwarf's teeth. The zombie's fist did not stop there, however, but kept going down the dwarf's throat. Then, in one swift motion, O'Boggy wrenched his arm free, bringing with it assorted organs of varying degrees of importance. Disheartened, winded, and all-around gutless, the once-celebrated Eric Shun collapsed to the ground, dead. O'Boggy was ejected fro the foul, though the damage had been done to both the opponent, and to their fanbase. The second half ended, and the dwarves retreated to their locker room to regroup.

With the second half underway, the Smash and Go'nads chose to implement a new, stingy offensive structure which would prevent their opponent from even coming close to the ball. The plan was working well, and the Dirt Bursters found themselves lacking space in the infirmary as the dwarves were knocking them unconscious left and right. At the height of the carnage, six undead players were asleep in the dugout, and the dwarves had complete control of the field. The winds of chance are fickle, though, and can turn a sweet Summer breeze into a chaotic tornado in a heartbeat. The storm in question arrived when Ol' Teabagger, committed to redeeming his earlier gaffe, dodged through the dwarf coverage and broke free towards Barik Farblast, who had been calmly surveying the field. Farblast was blindsided by the hit and the O.T.B. scooped up the lost ball and carried it in for the touchdown.

With little time remaining for a comeback, the Smash and Go'nads were driven only by revenge. Not one of the unconscious Dirt Bursters players had awakened, and the game looked as though it would finish badly for anyone without a beard. Sensing this, perhaps, were the remaining Dirt Bursters players, and they began to taunt and goad the dwarves as they came onto the pitch. With careful ego prodding and rampant bragging about the probability of the late Eric Shun joining the undead team, the Dirt Bursters incited a riot among the two teams and carefully took their lumps while the clock continued to run down. The final whistle blew and the dwarves were shocked to find them selves denied even the bittersweet taste of vengeance. In the chaos, the undead had sent their assistant coaches across the field to retrieve the remains of Eric Shun, and after a brief ritual the newly-minted zombie rose to take his place on the Dusk Hill team's roster. The final score was two to nothing for the undead, but the toll seemed far greater in the hearts of the dwarven faithful.

The match MVP awards were presented to Stumps O'Boggy, whose deliberate and guiltless foul not only eliminated the dwarves' biggest threat, but also resulted in a new teammate for the Dirt Bursters, and to Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads, who has vowed to honour the loss of his teammate by wearing the number three from now on. Also earning a nod was the play of Ned Gummers, whose running ability has been highlighted by his will to go the extra mile. The undead unbeaten streak is kept alive for another week.

Game number two on the schedule saw the two fastest teams in the league square off against each other. The Blackwater Bilgerunners tested their flea-bitten mettle against the poetry in motion of the Blueriver Wardoves. The weather was nice for this match as well, and the rat and elf fans were out in full force for their favourites.

With the Wardoves winning the coin toss and receiving first, the feeling that this game would be a high-scoring affair had the crowd abuzz. There would be no disappointment in this regard, as the ball quickly came to Bendark Mossfang, the Wardoves' high-caliber passing specialist. With skaven bearing down on him from all directions, Mossfang launched a shot to to newcomer Angruil Grimmrose, who was recently brought in to replace the sadly departed Sutlan Spearflower. Grimmrose quickly showed his value by reeling in the throw and taking it in for the quick touchdown. Could the Bilgerunners respond?

With the ball coming to them this time, the skaven looked to their quarterback, Fivel Mausketrap, to lead their charge. Unfortunately, Mausketrap seemed to be wearing greased oven mitts, and was unable to so much as settle the ball down. The rest of the offense proceeded without him nonetheless, and soon Mausketrap was left alone in the backfield as the speedy elves bore down on him. With a timely blitz by Albiir Featherdeath, the skaven thrower was tossed aside and the Wardoves' crowd-pleasing catcher Tsih Killwillow snatched up the loose ball for an easy touchdown. Now down two to nothing in the early going, the Blackwater Bilgerunners needed to step up or be squashed underfoot.

Step up they did, but at every turn the elves seemed to match their effort. The blocking was frenzied as the skaven attempted once more to set up their rat rush. Their thrower seemed positively snakebit though, and again the skaven offense was stymied. In the thick of the action, elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow crashed headlong into gutter runner Piddlepaw, mangling the furry runt considerably. The Bilgerunners' surgery staff did their job well, however, and Piddlepaw was right as rain in no time. Meanwhile, Piddlepaw's teammate Dingleberry pounced on the ball, only to see it squirt free. Luckily, linerat Lamefist was in the right place at the right time as the football fell into his grasp. Bolting downfield, Lamefist could only hope to outrun the speedy elves, and hope was all he would get. Albiir Featherdeath came up quickly and sent Lamefist off for a nap. Before the elf blitzer could recover the ball, however, the crafty Dingleberry had already poached it and the other Bilgerunners were moving to protect him. Once more, Albiir Featherdeath ran the rat ball carrier into the dirt, only this time he retrieved the prize and threw it to Angruil Grimmrose, who then handed the ball off masterfully to Fhorin Bloodmeadow, who might have been home free were it not for his opponents having blitzers of their own. (Relatively) hulking Jenner cracked the elf upside the skull neatly, allowing Fivel Mausketrap to at last pick up the ball correctly. Hurling the ball downfield, it found the arms of Squeesplat the linerat, who managed to stumble through to the end zone to cut the point deficit in half.

With little time remaining in the first half, the last notable play came during the kickoff to the Wardoves, as Albiir Featherdeath was laid out in the mud by an errant stone hurled from the bleachers. With all respect to the great potential and ability of Featherdeath, in a game where he was making the entire opposing squad miserable as they paid for every mistake at his hands, he might have seen this coming. The whistle sounded, the teams took off to their locker rooms, and the score at halftime was two to one for the Wardoves.

After the break, the skaven squad returned to the field with a great air of intensity about them, as though each player had put aside his minor league mannerisms and truly embraced the big-league, full-pro nature of the MMBBL. They showed this was the case without a doubt on the first drive of the second half as they capitalized on a quick snap which caught the elf defense flat-footed. Snatching up the ball, gutter runner Twinkletoes hurtled down the pitch at blistering speed, and the defenders could only watch as he leaped over the goal line, cartwheeling into the adoring crowd.

Not to be outdone, the Blueriver Wardoves reached deep down into their hearts and pulled out another spectacular series of plays. Tanthil Twigbreaker started the surge when he viciously clotheslined Stumptail the linerat. Immobile on the pitch for several minutes, Stumptail was presumably saved by the quick thinking and response of the medical staff. Not about to let something like that go, the Bilgerunners' receiving corps set up heartthrob Tsih Killwillow for a big fall, as a shove from the physically negligible Twinkletoes was compounded by Dingleberry kneeling down behind Killwillow to trip the handsome lad up. Killwillow must have dinged his head off of something on the way down, because he wasn't moving much after the incident. Hauled off the pitch on a stretcher with what team representatives are calling an upper body injury, Tsih will be missing his team's next match to recover. The sobs from the stands were quite pronounced for a moment, but the relentless screeching of the skaven fans soon drowned it out.

When play resumed, the elves began to press, with Fhorin Bloodmeadow streaking to the end zone in the place of the fallen Killwillow. Unfortunately, pressure from the Bilgerunners prevented Bendark Mossfang from getting hold of the football. The gutter runners Twinkletoes and Dingleberry continued their shenanigans as they plagued the elf thrower to no end. Finally able to escape his tormentors, Mossfang managed to lob a pass out to Tanthil Twigbreaker, who effortlessly handed off to the illustrious Featherdeath. Throwing a desperation block through the skaven swarm enveloping him, Featherdeath crashed free, gave the ball to Bloodmeadow, and the blitzer was home free for the go-ahead score.

With another quick strike in mind, the skaven, undaunted by this renewed point deficit, looked to the sneaky Twinkletoes once more. Dashing past the elf defenders but losing steam, he could have been easy prey for Bendark Mossfang in the backfield. It wasn't in the stars for Mossfang tonight, however, as the thrower took a misstep on his way out of coverage and crashed to the earth. Unhindered, Twinkletoes made no mistake and jogged into the end zone with ease.

With hardly any time remaining, the elves could not produce another touchdown before the whistle sounded. They could, however, give the Bilgerunners something to remember them by. After the last play, Angruil Grimmrose delivered a shameless cleating to the back of linerat Limpy's head. While this tactic shocked many in the crowd, it also garnered several sighs and coos as well. As Grimmrose coolly removed his gauntlet and sipped his water in the dying rays of the sun, it seemed that the Wardoves' would-be lovers had found themselves a new bad boy.

The match MVP awards for the 3-3 draw went to the Bilgerunners' Piddlepaw, who proved a hard rat to keep track off all match, and to Tish Killwillow of the Wardoves, who will undoubtedly have plenty of visitors during his time off the pitch. Additionally, Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners, while struggling with the concept of picking up a ball all game, had no problem delivering it through the air with great precision. From the Blueriver squad, Bendark Mossfang showed an improved skill with ball retrieval, while Fhorin Bloodmeadow displayed excellent mobility in high-pressure situations.

That concludes week three in the MMBBL Blood Bowl Summer season! Coming up on Tuesday it's a return to the Bloodbath division, when we'll see the Traumatic Takedown face the Bloodsand Blasters, and the Brutakai Ragefangs as they line up against the Meathooks in some old-fashioned orc on orc warfare! Don't miss it!

Elves and Dwarves Continue Rivalry, Skaven Get Officially Welcomed

The Blood Bowl season is finally upon us! Tuesday evening saw the first kickoff of the Summer, as well as several other firsts for this young season. The games on tap were a rematch of last season's intense battle between the Blueriver Wardoves and the Smash and Go'nads, as well as the Blackwater Bilgerunners' first league match, an imposing bout with the biggest heap of trouble this side of anywhere, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.

Both the dwarves and the elves came into tonight's match with plenty to prove. Their previous encounter led to a 2-2 draw, and most players took home a sour taste in their mouths. Each had the same goal; to surpass the other and claim dominance. What would be the outcome? Beards or blossoms?

The weather was sunny and mild as the Wardoves lined up to kick to the Go'nads, cheerful and looking forward to start the game. Just as the kick was made, the elves revealed their true intentions, and caught the offense flat-footed. The blitz was on, and the Wardoves' catchers made a break for the ball. The dwarves were quick to catchup, however, and Dick Gozinia leaped helmet-first into Sutlan Spearflower, knocking out the elf before he could get a handle on the ball. Never a team to leave any question as to their ability to maul the opposition, the dwarf squad followed up with more pain. Eric Shun, previously wounded in a match last season, must have had something to prove, because he was on fire tonight. First on his list was Wardoves' lineman Mlalyn Firefawn, whom he laid out with a serious concussion. The elf medics earned their keep and fixed him up right as rain, however.

After Dick Gozinia had recovered the ball for the Go'nads, it was quickly knocked loose in the growing pile of bodies. Adam Meway nearly emerged from the heap with the prize, but was soon dragged back in. To make it out of there with the ball was going to require superhuman skill. Who better to make an attempt than Tsih Killwillow, then? The nimble heartthrob dashed his way into the mess of coverage and sure enough, emerged with the football. retreating from the maze of bodies, Killwillow handed the ball off to Albiir Featherdeath. Unfortunately, Featherdeath was too busy trying to figure out how Tish had managed to get the ball to actually complete the play, and the hard-earned ball bounced clear on his error. Seizing the opportunity and extracting himself from the pile, dwarf runner Adam Meway got hold of the ball and booked it down the field to open the scoring, leaving the elf crowd speechless and the dwarf crowd in ecstatic, alcohol-fueled chaos.

Not prepared to let the game get away from them, and on the backs of hairy, dirty people no less, the Wardoves set about their next drive with a mechanical grace. With blocks in place and the ball kicked into play, Bendark Mossfang marshaled his forces like a true gridiron general, setting up a perfect pass to Sutlan Spearflower. A quick shift here, a nimble dodge there, and the catcher was in the end zone, spiking the ball into the turf emphatically to get the elf fans back into the game. The whistle blew, and going into halftime the score was locked at one.

The second half started with the Blueriver Wardoves looking to keep up the momentum from their late touchdown. Plans often go awry in the game of Blood Bowl, however, and what on another day might have been an easily caught pass from Bendark Mossfang to Tsih Killwillow was instead bobbled, dropping into the hands of Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads. To make matters worse, Eric Shun wasn't done with his beating spree, and the dwarf lineman positively leveled Albiir Featherdeath, using the limber elf blitzer's back as a makeshift springboard. There are not many ways to deal with an airborne dwarf. Venspar Pondrazor learned this the hard way. When Shun landed on the elf lineman, the wet crunch of collapsing vertebrae was practically deafening. to make matters worse, the surly dwarf, in an effort to prop himself up, mashed his fists against Pondrazor's neck and crotch simultaneously, effectively castrating and asphyxiating the elf at the same time. There was a brief recess as what was left of Venspar was removed by a goblin spatula squad. For those who lost count, that's THREE casualties for one dwarf in one game. This Eric Shun is one to watch, folks.

Time was winding down, and while the body count was growing, the Go'nads needed points if they wanted to hurt the elves' pride as well as their players. Dick Gozinia, set upon by desperate elf blockers, dumped the ball off to Moe Lester, only to watch as the wind caught his soft pass and blew the ball directly back to him. The charging elves brought him down, and Bendark Mossfang lined up another pass to get the ball downfield in a hurry. Perhaps too much of a hurry, as the pass failed utterly and once again, a pile-up surrounded the ball. Time ticked away, and though Gil T. Azell managed to dispose of an elf receiver by putting him into the bleachers and recover the ball, the dwarves could manage no more than a half-hearted pass before time ran out. Once again, the Smash and Go'nads and Blueriver Wardoves played to a draw of 1 to 1. No satisfaction, no victor.

MVPs of the match were Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads, and Bendyrm Cloudrender of the Blueriver Wardoves, who threw key blocks for the elf squad. With a great deal of uproar from the dwarf fanbase, Eric Shun was also given a nod for setting a new precedent in the injury department, with his three consecutive casualties catapulting him to the top of the power rankings for this season. Meanwhile, a modest funeral was held for the departed Venspar Pondrazor, and the aforementioned lineman Cloudrender vowed to uphold his teammate's memory by adapting his play style.

In our second match of the evening, the new met the old as the upstart skaven of the Blackwater Bilgerunners met the grizzled and misshapen veterans of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. The Dirt Bursters, fresh (we use the term lightly) from their domination of the Chaos Cup tournament, brought with them a legion of fans and a roster of the most impressive corpses ever to play the game. The Bilgerunners brought bagged lunches and their next of kin. Showing up of his own accord was the Rat Ogre Headsplitter, who by all accounts had been selling hot dogs outside the stadium until a team he could sign with showed up.

Though the weather was pleasant, the participants were anything but. Somewhere along the line of scrimmage, words were exchanged and the first kickoff began with a broken play. The officials were fortunate not to have to worry about how much time had passed, and the clock was simply set to zero and the drive started anyway, with the undead set to receive. The Dirt Bursters, not perceiving the skaven as a true threat, decided to field zombie Tinny in favour of the more skilled Stumps O'Boggy. Tinny's enthusiasm may have dimmed his focus slightly, however, as his first block thrown against the line rat Gimpy resulted in the zombie being carted off and sidelined for the rest of the match. The small crowd of Bilgerunners fans were elated that they were remarkably not the first team to be down a player. Lost in the confusion was the mighty Headsplitter, who was dispatched with relative ease by the Dirt Bursters' mummies, and spent most of the rest of the match face down in the infirmary.

With a burst of momentum, the skaven burst past the undead line and made a bee line for the ball, racing to beat Ol' Teabagger to the play. It's hard to outrun the wily Teabagger, however, and the ghoul got the ball out of danger. Attempting to hand the football off to newcomer Bahnaynay (recently signed to replace the crippled Dug Nobs) proved to be a problem though. The young ghoul appeared starstruck as the O.T.B. bore down on him, and the ball thankfully bounced back into the veteran's possession. Of course, there were still a half-dozen frenzied rat men charging at him, and the blitzer Brutus managed to knock Ol' Teabagger over. The ball was recovered by gutter runner Dingleberry, who nearly scored were it not for a surge of defensive effort by the O.T.B. followed by his dash to the safety of his comrades' coverage.

The moans from the stands echoed what the Dirt Bursters' coaches were telling them; the skaven were laying down heaps of pressure coverage and the undead were buying it and running. To turn things around, a more brutal approach was needed, and the ghoul Chompsalot spearheaded this initiative by breaking Dingleberry's collarbone. The Bilgerunners' medical crew were sharp though, and sharp enough to repair the damage completely. In response, Gimpy continued his unlikely streak of violence by knocking out Ned Gummers. It seemed not even the elite of the league are safe from the furry fury of the skaven, and Ol' Teabagger made sure to keep the game in control by running into the end zone at the nearest opportunity. The score was one-nil for the Dirt Bursters, but the crowd was in a state of confusion given the amount of trouble the wily rat men caused.

The Bilgerunners had a brief chance to equalize before halftime, but a misstep by gutter runner Piddlepaw ended that hope. To close out the half, Ol' Teabagger tossed a pass to his fellow ghoul Bahnaynay, giving the younger player a chance to redeem himself. The pass was good, but time had worn down and the teams went back to the locker rooms for the halftime intermission.

When the time came to take the field again, the Bilgerunners arrived with steely resolve. They'd heard about other teams entering this league and being torn limb from limb. The only tearing going on right then, though, was to be that of gutter runners tearing down the sidelines. The ball was quickly snatched up off the kick by Dingleberry, and the spindly skaven dashed madly downfield, flanked by a handful of his teammates. The undead pressed to defend, but simply could not counter that much speed, and Dingleberry cruised into the end zone, rewarded by his fans with a cascade of assorted cheeses.

On the following kickoff, the ball sailed out of play, and in a bizarre and unsettling turn of events, the touchback was awarded to big number thirteen, Magut of the Dirt Bursters. Lumbering slowly down the field, this was obviously a bid by the undead to control the pace of the game once more. Helping the cause was the Dirt Bursters' first fan favourite, the hard-working Lanks McBreak, who very nearly killed Squeesplat the linerat. Squeesplat survived the ordeal after the med staff looked after him, but will still be taking an extra week to recover.

Where the rats were failing to stop the towering Magut, a more deliberate approach seemed to be warranted. Posing as a humble peanut vendor in the upper bowl of the stadium, a suspicious pointy-hatted figure leaned over the guardrail and unleashed fiery doom onto the players below. The fireball landed squarely on target, and knocked Magut down to roll about, beating out the flames. No one yelled at that particular peanut vendor for the rest of the evening. In an effort to capitalize on the drop, gutter runner Twinkletoes made his move to grab the ball, but nearly bit the dust instead when his foot got caught in the struggling Magut's wrappings. The misstep proved costly and the skaven was removed from the pitch on a stretcher with what is being described as an acute, chronic leg injury. This will likely affect his overall stamina and survivability in future matches.

Now, the scramble for the winning point was truly on. Skaven blitzer Jenner was pushed out of bounds by Chompsalot the Ghoul. In response, Headsplitter made himself useful and knocked out Bahnaynay. Struggling to keep pace with the more experienced undead squad, the skaven simply could not muster enough, and at last No Guts Bob scrambled out of the throng to drive home the second Dirt Bursters touchdown. The Bilgerunners didn't have much time if they wanted to take this to a tie.

The last kickoff was very favourable for the skaven, landing only a few feet from fleet-footed gutter runner Piddlepaw, who then scooped it up and ran a passing play to his teammate Dingleberry. Sprinting across midfield with the goal line in sight, Dingleberry needed only to hope that his fellow skaven would provide adequate coverage for his run. Unfortunately, the coverage at the line of scrimmage gummed up the much-needed interference, and Dingleberry was unceremoniously tossed into the crowd by Chompsalot. With little hope of success, it fell to linerat Krunch to try for the unlikely recovery and score. The undead choked off his only avenue of attack, however, and Krunch made good on his name, landing with a whimper and requiring assistance to leave the field. Hope ran out for the skaven, and the Dirt Bursters survived what proved to be an unexpected challenge. The final tally was 2-1 in favour of the Dusk Hill crew.

The match MVP awards went to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, and to Stumptail of the Bilgerunners. Despite their defeat, the skaven squad showed great skill and remarkable resolve. No one said it would be easy to cut it in this league, and they may have just weathered their greatest challenge tonight.

Join us next week for the first games out of the Bloodbath division, as the Meathooks host the enigmatic Bloodsand Blasters, and the belligerent Traumatic Takedown squares off against the Brutakai Ragefangs! Keep an eye out for challenge matches as well!

The 2008 Chaos Cup Awards Ceremony

Hello out there, sportsfiends, and welcome to the first awards ceremony for the Chaos Cup in the MMBBL. We've got some familiar faces as well as several newcomers receiving awards this season. Illustrations will follow as they come in.

The League MVP award this season goes to - who else? Ol' Teabagger of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters blew the competition away with 27 total player points this season, and despite taking a bit of a tumble in his last match, is sure to return and put up big numbers again for the Blood Bowl.

The "In the Zone" Award for most touchdowns in a season goes to the O.T.B. as well, and while others came close, the ghoul's seven scores brought home the trophy. Leaping, dashing and biting his way out of coverage, it seems nothing will stop the one they call The Man from duplicating his success in the future.

The Commissioner's Medal of Exemplary Brutality, presented to the player who caused the most destruction out on the field this season, is presented to the mummy Khermit of the Dirt Bursters. Khermit equals the total put up by Gort Crudhammer last season, and the two may chase each other to next season's award.

Receiving the Silver Elbow this season for most completed passes is Lance Freely of the Fly-by Knights with an impressive nine throws landing safely in his receivers' hands. Watch for this award to be heavily contested next season, as more agile teams take the pitch and less emphasis (albeit only slightly less) is placed on crushing.

The Brass Doorknob award for Undeniable Interference, which goes to the player with the most interceptions, almost didn't have a winner this year. Not a single interception was made all season, until by some strange twist of fate, a ball was thrown directly into the pointy headgear of the Meathooks' T-Boner, and the officials ruled it a pickoff. Congratulations T-Boner, though we don't particularly expect more of the same.

Awarded the Silver Lining this year for the most game MVP awards is the Brutakai Ragefangs' own Kragor Clawfang, who somehow earned three of the awards in only five games. Either the fans really, really love him, or they just don't much care for anyone else. Perhaps he has the look? Perhaps he's got all the right moves. Perhaps he fixed the vote. In any case, he's won the cape!

Finally, the Big Fat Zero, the dubious Why Bother award, presented to the lazy, unfortunate, or otherwise ineffective player who earned nothing this season but a smack in the mouth from his coach, goes to Bacon Sandwich of the Meathooks. Sandwich made zero passes, zero interceptions, zero hits, zero blocks, zero touchdowns, zero impressions, and from all accounts zero effort on his way to the award this year. When pressed for comment, his response was limited to "don't hit me!"

And there you have it folks! The best of the best, the worst of the worst. The skilled and the lucky. The strong, the swift, the rough and the smooth. These are your 2008 Chaos Cup award recipients!

Don't forget, sportsfiends, the Blood Bowl season begins in one week! Time to hammer the dents out of the barbecue and grill up some squig dogs! See you then!

Undead Earn Perfect Season Despite Knights' Strong Showing

The final formality with regards to the Chaos Cup season has come and gone, and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters once again reign as the MMBBL's champions. It wasn't an easy finish by any means, and their final opponents, the Fly-by Knights, made them earn every inch on the march to victory.

Still displeased by the vein of mediocrity plaguing this talented team, the Dirt Bursters released zombies Stabbo and Shamus Smith, formerly of the Meathooks and Gildengrip's Gold Miners, respectively. Then, in a move to replace the fallen Blacky Gobbler, eager rookie ghoul Dug Nobs was hired to bring another element of speed to the roster. The day couldn't have been more perfect, the matchup couldn't have been more storied. Two of the league's founding teams, one having tasted victory, the other having only wafted its honeyed aroma.

The first possession went to the Dirt Bursters, and before anyone could handle the ball, one zealous fan decided to "handle" one of the Knights' linemen. We aren't sure where he got the brick, but none were as surprised as Max Limit, who crumpled like a cardboard parapet when the projectile struck him in the helmet. He was dragged off hurriedly before the ball landed, to sleep off the mild head trauma.

The ball came down near the illustrious Ol' Teabagger, whose exploits and talent are now so far-reaching that if you don't know who we're talking about, you should probably go back to the archives for an education in glory. Making his way into the safety of the zombie-mummy pocket, the O.T.B. was caught off guard by Knights' running back Jacques Strappe, who knocked the ball loose into the fray. The Knights weren't going to make this easy, but the undead line rose to the occasion, as Lez White opened the hostilities by throttling lineman Solomon Squatz. Squatz appeared to have broken his neck, which would mean almost certain demotion to the minors, but the docs worked out the problem quickly, and the injury was revealed as merely a pinched nerve, still serious but not life-threatening.

The Towering mummy Khermit put his own stamp on the game immediately afterwards, putting cocky Knights blitzer Chet Jackweed out for the match with a mighty shove. The gap left by the two fallen linemen was all the Dirt Bursters needed, and Ned Gummers charged out of the melee, sprinting in for the first touchdown of the game. Could the Fly-by Knights respond?

They set about doing just that, and the ever-effective Lance Freely, heavily favoured to win the Silver Elbow this year, completed his first pass of the game to catcher Stanley Steele. Steele was brought down, however, and when wight No Guts Bob forced a gap in the human line by laying out Wamsley Wedgeworth, Ol' Teabagger finished what he started on his first run and scored to make it two to nothing for the Dirt Bursters. The entire crowd was moaning, both from the anguish of the human fans and the assumed joy of the undead supporters. With little time to play in the first half, Jacques Strappe completed a pass to Brad Attitûd, though the catcher didn't have enough time to run the ball in before the whistle blew.

Battered and bruised after just one half, down two linemen and a blitzer, the Knights needed to rally around something - anything - to make a game of it. To their dismay, the undead read their play perfectly on the second half kickoff, and the Knights' already lopsided line of scrimmage was further compromised by a blitz from the Dirt Bursters. Even as the undead pressed the advantage on one side, however, the Knights made their hay by running a reversal. Jacques Strappe unloaded the long pass to Stanley Steele, who showed remarkable selflessness in handing off to Brad Attitûd, who in turn was off like a shot down the sideline. Aware of the chance to score, the human line threw itself boldly in the way of any potential playbreakers, and hard-working Abraham Sandwich made the greatest of the ensuing impacts, breaking the neck of newcomer Dug Nobs. Welcome to the league, Dug! Though with an injury like that it may not be a very long stay. Still, the Dirt Bursters managed to break coverage, and Ned Gummers knocked Attitûd on his backside. The Knights responded with even more high-risk strategy, as Attitûd got up and sprinted for the end zone while Steele, who had been following the play, grabbed the loose ball and shovel-passed it to his fellow catcher. One step closer to tying the match, the Knights still had a lot of work to do.

What happened next just goes to show you that no matter how tough, how talented, and how effectively detached from the mortal coil a player may supposedly be, by no means is he immortal, and certainly not without his moments of weakness. A standard running play by the Dirt Bursters on the following kickoff was going just as planned, and it looked like they could seal the victory with ease. Ol' Teabagger moved like lightning through the Knights defense, until faced with the mountain of mayhem known as Barglesnart Livingstone. The ogre was, by all accounts, oblivious to his surroundings and didn't even see the ghoul coming. Looking to cut corners in his charge, Teabagger made a flying leap to pass directly over the ogre...and apparently miscalculated. The wily ghoul crashed pelvis-first into Livingstone's helmet, and what on a smaller defender would result in moderate humiliation instead resulted in a catastrophic change to the ghoul's flight plans. Barreling end over end, Ol' Teabagger crashed to the ground in a heap and was carted away with serious but non-permanent injuries.

The Knights seized the opportunity immediately, and Lance Freely was on the spot as he found the foolhardy Flash Madison with a beauty of a pass. Chompsalot the ghoul would have nothing of it, and ran the catcher into the dirt, though he was unhurt in the collision. The same would not hold true for Chompsalot himself, who was subsequently trod under by Jacques Strappe, and removed from the pitch to sort out his insides in peace. In came Cyrano de Baggagerack on a charge through the remaining Dirt Bursters defense, retrieving the ball while on the move, and lunging into the end zone to tie the match. The crowd was in an uproar now, with the Knights rejuvenated by success and the Dirt Bursters depleted by the loss of three of their four ghouls.

With their most skilled players in a heap in the infirmary, the Dirt Bursters looked to unlikely sources for success. Ned Gummers may have been the ghoul for the job to get that final touchdown, but he couldn't simply dissolve the Knights' line. Enter Tinny, former vampire Thrall of the Day's End and one of the few low prospects to escape the recent firings from Dirt Bursters management. Tinny not only stopped what might have been another Knights "smash and grab" tactic, but also laid out Cyrano de Baggagerack with an uncharacteristic show of might. This was enough for the Dirt Bursters, with both teams seriously depleted. Ned Gummers broke through coverage, and with enough skill to avoid the onslaught of defenders, crossed the line to count the third undead touchdown.

With little time remaining, the Knights could only hope to lose once more with dignity. Lance Freely found Brad Attitûd with one final pass, but the catcher hadn't the speed to make it to the end zone in time. The Knights may have wished that the game could end then and there, because in the dying seconds, Khermit struck again, flattening Jacques Strappe with a bone-jarring hit. Strappe would survive, but lingering tenderness means that he may not be as sturdy as he once was. The final score was 3-2 for the Dirt Bursters. The perfect season was a reality, even thought the toll on the team's talent proved high. The Knights, beleaguered and heavily injured themselves, departed the stadium almost immediately to return to their castles and await the next campaign.

MVPs of the match were Brad Attitûd of the Fly-by Knights and Tinny of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, whose key last-minute block may have won the game for the undead. Also noteworthy was the play of Jacques Strappe, who despite his last-minute injury threw many successful blocks of his own, and Cyrano de Baggagerack, whose strong presence of mind on the line kept many of his teammates safe, though he himself was also injured.

After the match, the Dirt Bursters took to the field, the wounded and healthy alike, to be awarded the Chaos Cup. Each took his turn to drink from its shining bowl, hopeful that the cup would choose him as worthy of its gifts. The first to be rewarded was Magut, the monstrous mummy, who sprouted claws and moaned in undead jubilation. Immediately afterwards, his teammate and fellow wrecking machine Khermit was similarly chosen, and identically rewarded. It seems that Chaos had chosen its champions. Finally, when everyone else had tasted from the Cup, Lez White took his sip, and what happened can only be described accurately as "eeeeyyyyuuuurrrrrrgh". Erupting pustules, twitching ganglia, bursting sores and dental cataclysm exploded from White's face, turning the cheers and praise of the fans observing on the Wizardtron screen into a chorus of heaving and vomit. The gift mirrored the game. Powerful, ugly, and only barely contained by conventional armour.

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, returning and still champions of the MMBBL! Next season is the Blood Bowl, and we'll be watching as the undead vie for an unprecedented full year of dominance. Still to come - the final game on the list for the Spring season, with the Blueriver Wardoves looking to upset the Meathooks in a battle for glory and possibly recognition as the team to come closest to the Dirt Bursters. See you then!

Dirt Bursters, Knights Release Players

Three players have been let go by their respective squads this afternoon - two by the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and one by the Fly-by Knights.

Dirt Bursters management has ordered that skeleton Feeble McWeakerton and zombie Boz Squats be re-buried to make a dent in the recurring expenses incurred by the star players on the team. The two players have had a total of zero MVP awards, touchdowns, interceptions, casualties, completions, fans, friends, loved ones or anything else since they joined the team back in the Autumn season. Whether or not they are recalled in the event of additional player death remains unknown, but reports say that the firing came as a result of their failure to protect Blacky Gobbler from being smeared all over the pitch in their last match, as well as a looming threat to other low-production players to shape up or be shipped out in a series of buckets.

The Fly-by Knights also announced the release of lineman Reginald Reginald III, though with much less animosity and no orders of interment. The Knights' management and R.R.III mutually agreed that after his serious injury against the Wardoves, he would no longer be able to serve his liege in an on-field capacity. He has accepted a generous management position with the team and will be recognized as their defensive coordinator from this point on.

That's all from the newswire here at the MMBBL.

Honour, Drive, and a World of Hurt

Tuesday night has come and gone, and with it came carnage, and with it went glory. Two orc squads, each coming off heartbreaking losses the previous week, faced off more in the interest of honour than victory. The hordes of undead competed with a host of elves, in what was truly a matter of life and death. What happened may shock you. It may offend you. However, it will most definitely thrill you.

The proud players of the Brutakai Ragefangs took the pitch against the Meathooks in game one, the former seeing in their opponents a vision of their glorious future, the latter a reflection of their own humble beginnings. The bulk of the attending fans were in support of the Meathooks, and the significance of this would be known right from the start. Electing to receive first, the Ragefangs prepared their offense, only to have their plans dashed as the crowd stormed down from the bleachers to throttle the teams. In a display of fanaticism the likes of which has never been seen, the Meathooks fans did the bulk of the pummeling and left more than half a dozen Ragefangs dazed in the dirt. Krak Toothsnapper attempted to salvage the drive with a pass, but fumbled the ball and could only watch as Beef Bigaxe of the Meathooks scooped it up and strode downfield for the score.

A terrible kick from the Meathooks on the next drive put the ball in Toothsnapper's hands, and he was quick to lob it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Meanwhile, the incomparable Morg N'Thorg, who had been brought back on to assist the Ragefangs, was making Meathooks troll Gristly Slötturhaus miserable on the line, eventually knocking the big guy out for the rest of the half. With the Meathooks line in disarray, Bloodrage ran the ball down quickly for the touchdown. The score at the half was knotted at one.

In the second half, the Meathooks made their move for a quick score in their now trademarked electrifying way. After failing their first attempt at the goblin toss, which ended as Hammish the goblin was toppled by the charging, dodging Raziek Bloodrage, the ball was recovered by Lockjaw, who has shown an unusual knack for the quick pass as a lineman. As Hammish recovered, Lockjaw shoveled the pass to him, and before he knew what was happening, Gristly had him in his hands and hurled him downfield. Hammish hit the ground running and dove over the line to record the Meathooks' second touchdown.

The fury of battle upon them, the Ragefangs were quick once again in their response. After yet another terrible kick from the Meathooks, the ball landed within the grasp of Xarnak Bloodrage who, not to be outdone by his brother, made short work of the Meathooks defense and carried in the tying point. The fans were roaring - some with the thrill of such a high-skill game between two brutish orc squads, some with disappointment at the lack of any serious injuries sustained by either squad.

With plenty of time left on the clock, the Meathooks were confident that they could attain the next and decisive touchdown to carry them to victory. Their plans were snagged repeatedly, however, as the Brutakai Ragefangs' defense was both disciplined and effective. It didn't help that Beef Bigaxe was essentially alone in his charge downfield and seemed to have dunked his hands in butter before the drive began. Eventually, though, he overcame his clumsiness and with mere seconds to go, pounced on the ball where it lay in the end zone for the winning point. Any disappointment felt by the crowd was washed away by this incredible display, and both orc teams came away from the match with a sense of renewed will and great honour.

The match MVP awards were presented to Rip Steakface of the Meathooks for his key blocking throughout the day, and to Kragor Clawfang for the Ragefangs for his third such award in only four short weeks. It is assumed that the award may have gone to more deserving parties had Kragor not been particularly persuasive when speaking with the sponsors. Additional recognition was given to Hammish the goblin for his excellent ball handling, and to Pickles the thrower who showed remarkable arm strength at the quarterback position.

Our second game of the night had great ramifications - If the Dirt Bursters were victorious, they would effectively solidify their victory in the Chaos Cup tournament, with no other teams being able to match their total points. Their opponents, the Blueriver Wardoves, knew there was a lot at stake here, for the league as a whole. Would the undead reign supreme once more, or would the elves be a roadblock on their route to dominance?

With the illustrious Prince Moranian once again in the lineup, the Wardoves took the pitch for the first drive. The undead shambled out to meet them, and the whistle blew. Violence was the name of the game early on, as the towering Khermit smashed an unknown journeyman elf clear off his feet and out of the game, not to return. Refusing to be intimidated, however, the Wardoves set about the elimination of their opponent's threats - starting with the ghoul Blacky Gobbler. Albiir Featherdeath, quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with, caught Gobbler in something resembling a piledriver crossed with a cobra clutch, and when the dust settled, the ghoul was no more.

Out of the chaos, who should appear, but Ol' Teabagger on a mad dash towards the end zone. Unfortunately for him, the elves are faster than most of his previous opponents, and Featherdeath teamed up with Stryth Leafmauler to catch the wily ghoul before he could score the point. To their chagrin, however, they discovered that where there's one ghoul, others soon follow. Ned Gummers loped down the pitch, scooped up the lost ball and didn't look back as he strode into the end zone.

The very next possession, Ol' Teabagger really turned up the power and showed the elves just what running is all about. Hurtling down the field at a breakneck pace, did the O.T.B. see the man in the pointy hat and glitzy bathrobe stand up in the crowd and wiggle his fingers? He very well may have, because as soon as the clear blue sky was streaked with lightning coming down onto him, Ol' Teabagger somehow sidestepped the forces of nature and continued on his way. We have reports saying that the suspect wizard promptly stripped himself of his sorcerous attire and left to herd goats on a mountainside somewhere. The elves were in pursuit of Teabagger by now, but one of them was caught by the shoulder by the fearsome Magut. The mummy left Tanthil Twigbreaker ironically broken himself, and the two elves who did catch up to Ol' Teabagger would prove insufficient, as the ghoul leaped over one defender, dodged around the next, and dove across the goal line to the excited groans of thousands of undead fans.

The O.T.B. nearly scored again on an offensive miscue after the very next whistle, but Prince Moranian saw the play coming a mile away, and the half ended with the elf putting the ghoul on his backside, and the score a commanding 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters.

The second half began with a determined Wardoves team setting out to execute their own game, not simply tag along with however the undead wanted to play. Their conviction was evident early on as Bendark Mossfang's pass found Bendrym Cloudrender, who then handed the ball off to catcher Sutlan Spearflower, who burned a trail down the field and brought the game to within one point for the boys from Blueriver.

Unwilling to let the elves control the pace, the Dirt Bursters set about more brutal tactics in defense of their lead. Their first target was the high-profile Prince Moranian, and Chunk Norton ripped into him like he was full of candy. The Wardoves medical crew were quick to restore the talented Moranian, however. Resolved to get their point across, the other half of the zombie duo, Stumps O'Boggy, badly beat on Stryth Leafmauler, sending him to the bench for the remainder of the match. With the way cleared by his shambling cohorts, Ol' Teabagger made no mistake and hurtled back to the end zone for another Teabagger touchdown. He celebrated by eating a member of the grounds keeping crew.

Desperate to challenge this undead force, the Wardoves made their bid for a quick follow-up score of their own. All seemed lost when Chunk Norton came crashing through the line towards the ball, but his footing was misplaced (possibly his feet as well) and he fell to the ground mere inches from his goal. Sensing the opportunity, Bendark Mossfang threw projectile perfection into the hands of a mercenary catcher and just like that, the Wardoves were back within a point.

To the resounding booing of every elf fan on hand, the Dirt Bursters responded with measured, cautious, time-devouring play. Forming an impassable barrier around the ball, the undead gained possession and never let go. Time ran out, and the final score was 3-2 for the Dirt Bursters. With the victory, their upcoming final match against the Fly-by Knights becomes moot, as no other team in the league can approach their point total. With this win, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters have secured the Chaos Cup and their third consecutive MMBBL victory. The remaining games will be played for honour, for pride, or for having little better to do in the time leading up to the Blood Bowl this Summer.

The match MVP for the Wardoves was Albiir Featherdeath, no doubt for his brutal dispatching of Blacky Gobbler, but also for the delicate, almost surreal maneuvering that took him there. The honour for the Dirt Bursters went to former thrall Tinny, who has seen much more success in death than he could have ever hoped for in life. Stumps O'Boggy continued his sudden burst of homicidal play and has shown the ability to put pressure on the faster, more agile opponents that he lines up against.

Four games remain on the schedule for the Chaos Cup season, and though the champion is effectively crowned already, there's still plenty more action left to see! Next on the plate is the aforementioned showdown between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who may rest some of their stars in the wake of their assured victory, and the Fly-by Knights, who remain committed to their personal goals in the absence of a shot at the title.