Raiders Rejoice in the Rain

With the valkyries finally cleared out of Midgard Battlefield, the Asgard Raiders were finally able to host their match against the Traumatic Takedown. As one distraction left, however, another took its place, as the rain poured down in buckets as the squads took the field before over 24 thousand die-hard fans, mostly Norsemen and mostly drunk. The raiders won the opening coin toss, and chose to receive the ball first.

A high kick gave Asgard Raiders quarterback Egor Longrow plenty of time to get under it, but the rain foiled his attempt to field the ball cleanly. Still, he retrieved the ball from where it lay and advanced into the quickly-developing melee along the line of scrimmage. While the mobile quarterback option is somewhat anomalous in the MMBBL's ranks of throwers, few teams execute the strategy better than the stubborn Norse. With steady blocking from the linemen, Longrow pushed his way past the press of bodies and scored the first touchdown of the game on foot.

The Traumatic Takedown were eager to respond on their first possession, though their impressions came more frequently in the one-on-one blocking battles than on the scoreboard. As the sturdy chaos dwarf line paved the way for ball carrier Charlie Horse, Buster Kneecaps laid a brutal hit on runner Ymir Keldsvide, nearly killing him. The Raiders' medical staff retrieved and repaired the fallen warrior, though with significant damage to his spinal column. The crowd heaved a collective sigh of relief, as no valkyries would be needed to spirit away the mangled man.

Charlie Horse seemed home free at that point, galloping madly towards the end zone. Unfortunately, the fields of Midgard Battlefield are very often littered with slippery frost, and the centaur found such a patch, sending him crashing to the earth merely a yard and a half from his goal. To his dismay, the whistle sounded before he could right himself, and halftime saw the Raiders take a 1-0 lead to the locker room.

Upon the return to the field and the Takedown getting another crack at breaking the goose egg, they quickly set about breaking other things as well. Dead Leg charged at Tyr Warriov, picking the Norseman up in a headlock and dragging him several yards before dropping him and trampling him soundly. Though not permanently disfigured or maimed, the dizzy, bruised Warriov could only stagger to the sidelines and collapse on the refreshment table.

With the personnel advantage renewed for the chaos dwarf squad, Charlie Horse yet again made strides up the pitch. Once again he was nearly untouchable. Once again the goal was in his grasp. Once again...he upended himself on a patch of ice. There was still plenty of time on the clock however, and Horse ignored the catcalls and laughter from the Norse fans, picking himself up slowly and walking into the end zone to claim the ball and the tying point.

The Raiders received the ball once more, and set about their usual grinding ground assault. This time, runner Kari Quickstride was the carrier, shooting up the gut with linemen holding positions and shoving dwarves and hobgoblins aside. Several of the linemen, seemingly possessed with rage or perhaps simply off their medication, assaulted the Takedown's centaurs and even knocked over the mighty minotaur, M. Spazm. With the defense dwindling, Kari Quickstride picked his path and pumped his legs until there was nothing but open air between him and the end zone. Smashing the football to the earth and hurling himself into the fans, Quickstride had won the game for his Norsemen in the dying seconds.

The MVPs for this 2-1 Raiders victory were Egor Longrow, for his precision play, and Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon, who was a tough guy to get ahold of for the entire affair. both teams will have a short rest before playing again this week, back on their regular schedules. The Takedown host the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, while the Raiders will visit the Bog to play the Darkmire Carnosaurs.

Knights Best Takedown in Close Match

The final game in Bloodbath division's first week of the MMBBL's 2008 Autumn season saw a returning, veteran Fly-by Knights squad take on the up-and-coming Traumatic Takedown on the chaos dwarves' homefield. Expectations for both teams are high this season; the Knights have proven their skill yet have no championships to show for it, while the Takedown are subject to the demanding standards of surly dwarves, mean-spirited hobgoblins, and dangerously opinionated centaurs among their fans. To boost their appeal for the season's first game, the Takedown hired on recurring favourite Zzharg Madeye, and brought it what we presume is a large enough sum of money to keep officials from noticing his signature football-firing front-loading blunderbuss.

The Traumatic Takedown won the coin toss and chose to kick first, and you could see in the eyes of the line dwarves that they had a plan. Sure enough, as soon as the ball was over midfield, the Takedown showed the blitz and surged into Knights territory. The human team held its ground and kept its collective cool, however, and Lance Freely calmly retrieved the football and threw it to his favourite receiver, Stanley "Stainless" Steele. Steele made no mistake on the catch, but when trying to stretch out for extra yards down the sideline, fell after a misstep on the turf. Nevertheless, the bulk of the Takedown's defense had committed to the blitz, and Steele had ample time to get back up, brush himself off, and carry the ball in for an early lead.

The Takedown fans at the Operating Room weren't happy, and the uproar of ""Unhorse the Knights!" went up around the stadium. The Knights fans made their best effort to counter with a cheer of "Steele is the Reele Deele!" but simply did not have the edge in lungpower. Taking the field for the kickoff, the chaos dwarf squad had a couple of options at hand - Would they make use of Madeye's deep passing ability, or go with the strong running game centered around ace centaur Charlie Horse? The answer became evident quickly as Horse got his hands on the ball and moved downfield. The Knights' defense was quick to react, however, and the wall of linemen quickly closed off any avenue of passage. Charlie Horse turned on a dime and backtracked along the line of scrimmage, making his way to more open pastures.

The rest of Horse's team began to do their part for their runner, as first Rip Tendon knocked out blitzer Victor Dashing, and then Ortho Pnoea did likewise to Chet Jackweed. Charlie Horse made his move, attempting to capitalize on the compromised backfield coverage. Out of nowhere, though, came Knights newcomer Humphrey Bogatyr to knock Horse to the earth. Before he had a chance to celebrate his debut, though, Plex Fracture of the Takedown roared in with a head of steam, snatched up the ball, and got the glory for Charlie Horse's hard work by marching in for a touchdown. As the teams lined up for the final few minutes of the first half, a passing comment from Horse to Bogatyr was misinterpreted and started a minor scuffle on the field. After the game, the misunderstanding was brought to light: Charlie Horse, showing his respect for Bogatyr's strong tackle, made mention that perhaps his mother had been a horse herself. While this was a high compliment regarding the stamina and resolve of Bogatyr's lineage, the lineman took great offense initially. Once the cultural divide was bridged, however, the two shook hands on the matter and there were no hard feelings. Where else but in the MMBBL does one find such cross-species brotherhood and respect?

When time came for the second half to get underway, the teams took the pitch but not a single official could be found. Of course, the fans were suspected, but being that there's not neraly enough time to search each and every one for bits of referee, the game continued without delay. The Knights kicked once more to the Takedown, and once more Charlie Horse got the call to take the ball in on the ground. Now, the Knights were determined not to allow the chaos dwarves to gain the advantage, and brought out their heaviest hits to protect their end zone. Leading the charge was Jacques Strappe, the rippling running back, as he plowed through Ortho Pnoea without any sign of slowing, and Pnoea was dragged back to the dugout where he was pronounced "pooped". Still carrying the ball forward, Charlie Horse threw a blitz on Cyrano de Baggagerack, but the human shrugged the shot off smartly, and Horse wound up taking the fall. With that, the Knights rallied to the spot and began to turn up the physical game, shoving hobgoblin and dwarf alike all over the field.

Out of the chaos, Knights blitzer Victor Dashing, who'd awoken from his brief first-half nap, scooped up the football and was on his way. Linemen Abraham Sandwich and Max Limit followed him up as a protective force. With little time to spare, the duty fell to Rip Tendon to knock the blitzer down, and the dwarf delivered, putting Dashing on the dirt and knocking the ball free. Fortunately for Dashing, wingmen Sandwich and Limit did their job right, too, and shoved Tendon out of the way, leaving room for Vic to get up and get the football over the goal line. The Knights had the lead again, with little time left to spare.

in the dying minutes of the second half, the Traumatic Takedown had their work cut out for them, and the Knights defense wasn't about to make it easy for them. The green and blue defense read the chaos dwarf offense like a book, and reorganized themselves on the fly to dig in for the big stop. With everything riding on one big block, Charlie Horse plowed into Barglesnart Livingstone, and both players fell to the ground. That was it for the Takedown, but it also turned out to really be it for Rip Tendon. As Livingstone stood his hulking frame back up, the ogre grabbed the nearest thing to hit, and that thing was Tendon himself. The buzzer sounded just as the ogre's throw released, flinging the dwarf player headlong into the research pit on the sidelines, where he landed in a vat of bubbling chemicals, turned purple, caught fire, and died. He was removed by the medical staff, but even then, all they could manage to do was make him turn even purpler, catch fire some more, and die again.

What may sting the most for the Takedown is that after such a strong performance defensively, Rip Tendon was posthumously awarded the MVP for his side. For the Fly-by Knights, Stanley Steele was given the award. Also noteworthy was the effort of Victor Dashing, who made several stunning moves on his way to the end zone. After the game, the Takedown's management announced that while they would miss the presence of Rip Tendon, they would be unveiling a "very big surprise" for their next game in two weeks' time.

And that's the first week out of Bloodbath division, sportsfiends! This Tuesday we kick off Deathdealer's divisional play - returning teams the Wardoves, Smash and Go'nads and the Bilgerunners will test the skill of newcomer squads the Chupacabras, Stinkers and Berserkers, respectively. See you then!

Dirt Bursters Take Out Takedown

With one of the four quarter-final matches in the books, we bring you contest number two - the returning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters versus newcomers the Traumatic Takedown. it's easy to guess who the favourite was in this one, but don't for a second think that the chaos dwarves, centaurs and hobgoblins of the Takedown might simply have rolled over. They once again bulked up their line for this match, bringing in favourites like Morg N'Thorg and Zzharg Madeye to add some punch and pizazz. The weather was fine, the fans were roaring, and the first kickoff went to the Dirt Bursters.

The kick sailed high and slow enough for ghoul runner Chompsalot to get under the ball and catch it smartly. With that, the undead squad members set about their respective tasks, starting with Lez White the Wight. Whether for the intimidation factor or simply for the love of it, Lez crashed forward into a hapless journeyman hobgoblin, caving in the latter's skull and gorging himself on the soft, chewy center. Not to be outdone by his little buddy, Magut the mummy brought his wrath to bear on line dwarf Buster Kneecaps, though with less permanent results, only putting Kneecaps out for the rest of the game. With the ghoul rush in full swing, the Takedown looked to Morg N'Thorg for inspiration, as the star ogre used his superior size to knock out the plucky Lanks McBreak. The battle of attrition would be won by the Dirt Bursters, though, as the other mummy terror, Khermit, leveled Charlie Horse to the pitch, leaving medical staff to cart him away to heal in the off season. With the defense already dwindling, Chompsalot had no true obstacles to his first score of the game. 1-0 Dirt Bursters, with the crowd going wild.

Undermanned but hoping still to spring back, the Traumatic Takedown lined up to receive. The undead kickoff was exceptional, however, and Perry Carditis, the Takedown's hobgoblin quarterback, had a devil of a time getting on his way to retrieve the football. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, decided to press their current manpower advantage, and under the combined power of mummies, wights and zombies, the chaos dwarf defense crumbled. Blazing past Carditis went newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot, the controversial rookie who took over Ol Teabagger's #15 on the roster. Controversy was ignored by the Dirt Bursters fans, however, as Bagrot grabbed the ball and charged downfield for a quick second score.

Enough time remained on the clock, and the fans were bellowing for some last-second heroics, but unfortunately the half whistle blew before the Takedown could get organized on offense. Luckily, they would receive again at the start of the second half, hopefully to close the gap that the undead had opened up.

As the teams returned, it was evident that certain protocols of secret weaponry were being ignored, for the confident stride of Zzharg Madeye onto the field contradicted his apparent ejection after the first half. The refs were letting it slide, though, and the Dirt Bursters kicked off to restart the hostilities. Madeye must have missed the kickoff while jawing with an undead heckler, because the ball dropped right next to him without even so much as an attempt to grab it. The thunder of undead footsteps quickly reminded him of where he was, and after loading the ball into the muzzle of his blunderbuss, Zzharg fired the blackened squigskin downfield, into the waiting arms of hobgoblin catcher Plex Fracture. With most of the undead still stampeding down the pitch to get to Madeye, they had little time to turn and chase after Fracture, who ran through some remaining coverage and brought the Takedown within a point, putting up the touchdown for the chaos dwarves. As Zzharg Madeye returned to the dugout, the officials decided at last to eject him for good, and a scowling Madeye hurled his blunderbuss into the crowd in protest before being shown the door.

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, as many have learned, are never content to sit on a one-point lead, and today was no exception. The high kickoff went to Chompsalot, but the ghoul couldn't hold on for the catch. Picking the football up from where it lay, then falling in with the protection of his fellow ghouls and helpful wights, Chompsalot became the focal point of a nigh-impenetrable undead offensive push. Resistance came, of course, but was rebuffed at every turn. Stumps O'Boggy, the slow but certain dispenser of doom, laid out another hobgoblin journeyman and adding another notch to the body count. The mighty Morg N'Thorg, though strong and capable, was awash in a sea of rot, and was brought down in a heap by the feisty Lanks McBreak. Still more pain was to be perpetrated by the Dirt Bursters as Lez White earned his second casualty of the night, putting the Buccinator out of contention for the remainder of the game. Again, the chaos dwarf resources were exhausted, and again Chompsalot was given a free pass to the end zone, putting the score up to 3-1 and restoring the two point cushion.

Down but not quite out, the remaining members of the Traumatic Takedown took to the field with Morg N'Thorg front and center. As the kickoff went up, a bit of unregulated enthusiasm came out of the stands, as Ortho Pnoea of the Takedown was stunned by a chunk of disturbingly-aged cheese chucked from the second deck. No sooner than he had dropped to the pitch, a shot rang out from the opposite side of the field, as the fan who had recovered Zzharg Madeye's blunderbuss took aim and unloaded at wight blocker No Guts Bob. The shot, filled with an assortment of cutlery, rocks, gunpowder and toenail clippings, bored a watermelon-sized hole in No Guts Bob's, well, guts, and a necromantic first-response team carted him away to the sidelines. Luckily for Bob, he was indeed gutless, and recovered from the injury with ease.

Looking for a sure thing as he picked up the ball, Perry Carditis saw nothing but double coverage all over the field - not a receiver in sight! But, seeing the hulking from of Morg N'Thorg pummeling zombies led him to pass the ball in that direction. With a cry of "Hey! Morg!", the hobgoblin quarterback hurled a pass to the ogre, who caught it, shrugged with little enthusiasm, and began to wade through the bodies of his enemies in the direction of the end zone. Pushing and shoving his way through the line, Morg seemed like the only thing going right for the Takedown, as Khermit the mummy earned his second round of brutal approval by clobbering centaur runner Dead Leg and putting him out of commission. The undead line began to shift away from the fallen dwarves and hobgoblins to confront Morg N'Thorg, and there proved to be enough resistance as Magut knocked the big guy to the dirt. On the spot immediately was the ghoul Ned Gummers, who was well on his way to the end zone the moment he snatched up the ball. Before he made it there, Plex Fracture was called on a foul against a downed zombie, but it mattered little. Time expired as Gummers crossed the goal line, and the Dirt Bursters were on their way to a semifinals berth. The final score - 4-1 for the returning champions.

Match MVPs for this quarter-final bout were Dead Leg of the Traumatic Takedown, displaying remarkable agility for someone with so many legs to look after, and Lanks McBreak of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who did the impossible in containing the mighty Morg N'Thorg almost single-handedly with timely blocks and tackles. Once again making a name for himself was Chompsalot the ghoul, who leaped and scrambled his way to two touchdowns in the contest.

Another day, another contender eliminated! Respect to the Takedown is due for taking on the champs in two consecutive matches, and we look forward to seeing more of them in the future! Tune in again soon for the next quarter-final summary!

The 2008 Blood Bowl Playoffs

Here you go, sportsfiends, the brackets for this year's Blood Bowl tournament! We've got some interesting stories brewing in the quarter finals here.

A: Bloodsand Blasters vs. Smash and Go'nads: This one could get messy! The dwarves are tough customers who can hold their own, but the mummies on the Blasters' squad will be looking to cause all kinds of havoc!

B: Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters vs. Traumatic Takedown: A rematch decided by fate, the Dirt Bursters are clear favourites. There's always a chance for a spoiler, though, and revenge, for the chaos dwarf squad, may be best-served as cold as the grave.

C: Blackwater Bilgerunners vs. Brutakai Ragefangs: This could be one of the most exciting match-ups to date, as the speedy skaven have hired on some muscle in the form of their new rat ogre, while the Ragefangs have really come into their own this season, displaying both skill and strength.

D: Meathooks vs. Blueriver Wardoves: Yet another immediate rematch, these two teams battled to an exciting three-all tie last week, and each has had a chance to test their strengths and identify their weaknesses in this latest chapter of the great struggle between elf and orc!

Pick your favourites! Taunt the enemy! Break out the team colours and shout your anthem proudly! The "A" and "C" games are set to kick off this weekend, and we'll be on hand to cover every thrilling touchdown, each bone-crushing tackle, and all the fun of the MMBBL's first Blood Bowl Summer tournament!

Chompsalot Romps (a Lot!) in Victory

Thanks go out to you, Coach Wrangler, for another entertaining installment of the Gameday Journal!

The final challenge match of the blood Bowl regular season took place last night, with the upstart Traumatic Takedown looking to crack the tough nut that is the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, no doubt looking to capitalize on the recent departure of the league's top player, Ol' Teabagger. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, needed to prove that they weren't simply a support crew for the Man.

Under a pleasant evening sky, in a stadium predominantly occupied by apprehensive undead fans, the Traumatic Takedown kicked off to start the Dirt Bursters' first offensive drive. Notably present on the pitch for the Takedown were both the hulking form of the impressive Morg N'Thorg, brought in to offset the threat of undead mummies, and Zzharg Madeye, well-known (but rarely penalized) for his impressive ball-chucking blunderbuss. With their help and a little luck, the chaos dwarf squad hoped to pull off a stunning upset to end the regular season.

Not long after the kick had landed, the Dirt Bursters began their assault, quite literally. The favourite son of Dusk Hill brought the crowd to its feet and/or stumps early on when he hurled himself madly onto centaur Charlie Horse, causing enough damage to the four-legged player to leave him crippled for the remainder of the game. Meanwhile, Ned Gummers grabbed the ball from where it lay and began his drive to the end zone. He might have chosen a better trajectory though, for not long after he gained possession he was knocked flat by Morg N'Thorg, and would not wake up until some time later. Right up behind the fallen Gummers was fellow ghoul Chompsalot, and the nimble nibbler soon had retrieved what his teammate had lost. Helping to clear the path was yet a third ghoul, the up-and-coming Bahnaynay, who shoved dwarf lineman Buster Kneecaps into the stands where he was, unfortunately, maimed to a reasonably great degree. Kneecaps is expected to miss the first game of the playoffs due to the injury. In what proved to be a compelling argument in support of firearms, Zzharg Madeye proved to be the last line of defense for the Takedown. To his credit, he smacked Chompsalot hard enough to dislodge the ball and a few teeth, but the wily ghoul got back up immediately and was into the end zone before the furious dwarf could react.

With their numbers dwindling already due to injury and ejections, the Traumatic Takedown needed to make good on every opportunity if they were to stand a chance. After a high kick fell into the arms of Perry Carditis, the hobgoblins showed their inexperience as Ortho Pnoea dropped an easy catch from his teammate. To make matters worse, Magut the mummy was back on the rampage after an uncharacteristically friendly season, slamming into Splenic Pain of the Takedown. Pain was recovered from the pitch and pronounced dead, but the apothecaries took him out back in a series of buckets, then returned to pronounce him "not dead." Still, mortal tissue being what it is, we don't expect to see what remains of this dwarf for a while. Amidst the chaos, Chompsalot the ghoul had once again found his way to the ball after the Takedown's miscue, and with uncanny ease he shuffled off to the end zone for yet another touchdown.

The players lined up for a final play to close out the first half, but despite the Dirt Bursters' eagerness to score again on the blitz, time expired prior to any potential playmaking. At the half, the score was two to nothing for the Dusk Hill denizens.

We aren't sure how they swung it, but when the second half started, there was Zzharg Madeye once more, blunderbuss slung over his shoulder. Booed incessantly by the crowd, Madeye calmly received the kickoff from the Dirt Bursters, and shot the football to Ortho Pnoea before watching the dwarf line collapse under pressure from the mummies and wights of the Dirt Bursters. A seemingly foolproof plan was forming in the minds of the Takedown, however, as Pnoea then handed off to Morg N'Thorg. It would take much more than a random zombie or ghoul to knock that guy over.

Unfortunately for the Traumatic Takedown, the Dirt Bursters did just that. Getting behind the effort of Khermit the mummy, multiple Dirt Bursters players assisted as the towering ogre was toppled to the earth. In the confusion, the Takedown did exact some small amount of revenge, as Perry Carditis sneaked a vicious kick to the fallen Magut, who was not seriously harmed. What followed next was a truly bizarre occurrence. Newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot was leveled by dwarf lineman Third Degree Bernie...who has been dead for nearly the entire season. Closer inspection of the play revealed that a fanatical spectator, enraged that someone had taken Ol' Teabagger's roster spot, stormed onto the field to remove the supposed usurper. Bagrot would miss the rest of the game, and the fanatic was ejected from the match courtesy of this week's major sponsor, Murving's Used Catapults. As play continued, Khermit the mummy continued to haunt Morg N'Thorg with the assistance of several smaller undead. Chompsalot was nearly in the clear, with only the frantic Zzharg Madeye with a chance to stop him. The effort was there, but the results were unremarkable, and Chompsalot managed his third - yes, third - touchdown of the day. Hats rained down from the stands, among them caps, helms, feathered monstrosities and the occasional groaning head. As the stadium grounds crew cleaned up, the scoreboard read 3-0 for the Dirt Bursters.

With barely any time left for another play, the Dirt Bursters pulled their ghouls back into a safer position, but the move proved less than important as the remaining defenders on the line opted to blitz. the kickoff was bad, and resulted in a touchback, and the ball went to Perry Carditis of the Takedown. Carditis completed a pass to Ortho Pnoea, but the latter was quickly run down and stripped of the ball by Chompsalot, who tossed it to Ned Gummers for safe keeping. With nothing left to do but wait, Lanks McBreak gave the undead fans one more thing to cheer about, as he throttled Busitis Olecranon bad enough to warrant some time off at the start of the playoffs. The whistle blew, and the game ended, a decisive victory for the mighty Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.

Match MVP awards went to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters in what was assumed to be a typo, and to Plex Fracture of the Traumatic Takedown, who was not particularly deserving either. More impressive accolades went to Magut the mummy for his unstoppable urge to throw a hit at anything that so much as looked at him and a few things which didn't see him coming at all.

That's it, folks. The regular season is over and done and the brackets are set for the Blood Bowl tournament playoffs! The brackets will be up for viewing shortly, and the first quarterfinals matches will be taking place this Sunday. See you then!

Brutal Brawls Out of Bloodbath

This past Tuesday saw the Bloodbath division of the MMBBL kick off its Blood Bowl regular season, and brutality was the name of the game in both cases.

Game one saw the Bloodsand Blasters rise up to meet the green juggernaut of the Meathooks. Fielding four mummies and a handful of skeletons, the Blasters were nearly a match for the swelling ranks of the Meathooks in terms of strength. To tip the scales, Ramtut III was brought in to contain the mighty Gristly Slötturhaus, and for added carnage, the professionally deranged Hack Enslash was brought on board with his trusty, rusty chainsaw. The weather was gorgeous, and the prevailing wind came from the legions of Meathooks fans who greatly outnumbered those who came to see the Khemri squad. The undead won the coin toss and elected to receive first.

As the ball came down, it seemed as though both teams forgot it was even in play. As the match began, foul after unrepentant foul was committed by both sides, and only Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters and Lockjaw of the Meathooks were ejected from the game by the officials. Immediately afterwards, mummy Durdurhotep throttled the mighty Beef Bigaxe, knocking the blitzer out for the remainder of the game. Indeed, much of the game devolved from the usual fare of coordinated, planned-out plays into several isolated brawls all over the pitch. In the confusion, a pass attempt by skeleton Mister Urns went largely unnoticed when it failed to even leave his bony hand properly. Still, the carnage played on and with help from his teammates Dusty Tombs and Helter Skeleter, Urns managed to recover the ball and begin a slow, inexorable drive downfield. It seemed that perhaps line orc Chip Bonesaw might break free from mummy coverage to stop the shambling skeleton, but his escape was foiled when he tripped in a pile of wrappings that Battering Ramses had been trailing behind himself. The orc fell hard to the ground and had to be carted off field. Reports show that Bonesaw will be missing the team's next match due to his injuries. With nothing else to stop him, Mister Urns staggered into the end zone at last, and the stands erupted with the clatter of bone colliding with bone, in what we believe is an undead approximation of clapping. The half ended with the score 1-0 for the upstart Bloodsand Blasters.

After halftime, the Meathooks emerged from their locker room with a look of steady resolve as well as matching pairs of brass knuckles. They received the kickoff and set about closing the unlikely gap between themselves and victory, and planned to use the bones of their enemies to build their road to success. First, skeleton Sahket Toomi was dismembered while breaking free of coverage, leaving his arm on the pitch. As he broke down the field, he was set upon by Pickles the thrower, who had not only retrieved the lost limb, but was very forcefully giving it back to the skeleton until he had to be dragged off in a bag. Pickles was immediately thereafter scolded from on high for his actions, when a bolt of lightning struck him down, not injured, but a bit crispy. Following his quarterback's lead, T-Boner brought his sizable frame to bear against Helter Skeleter, clobbering the hapless boneman into submission along the sidelines. In his frenzy, however, T-Boner didn't notice Battering Ramses' approach and paid for it by being sent crashing into the stands.

Not much later, the surprisingly ineffective Hack Enslash, having discovered that his chainsaw didn't even have a chain on it, knelt down to repair the machine. He was immediately sat upon by the corpulent Beefquake and the goblin spatula squad came out to drag him away. Still further casualties came from the orcish onslaught, and Cal Ciferous found himself getting rattled by line orc Rip Steakface. Miraculously, each and every Blasters player who was mangled regenerated completely from his wounds, or at least dug up enough parts to replace what was broken. All the while, Ramtut III was keeping the Meathooks' troll well in check, and the two goblins, Hammish and Bacon Sandwich were left with only the running option to keep themselves both alive and in contention. Accompanied by Pickles and Steakface, the wily green guys hustled down the sidelines only to be accosted abruptly by the mummies West Nile Cyrus and Old Giza. Unable to complete their running route and with the ball in danger getting put out of reach, the green group shoved Hammish into harm's way, where he miraculously got ahold of the prize and lobbed it downfield into the end zone. With the game on the line and time nearly up, Only Ramrod Meatmissile had a chance to save the day. Blitzing through what remained of the skeleton defenders, Meatmissile used every ounce of strength to make it to the end zone - and then bobbled the ball when he got there. The game was over, and the only thing the line orc could do was cover his head and run off to the locker room as the crowd rained bricks, bottles and bones onto the pitch below.

The match MVP awards went to Old Giza of the Bloodsand Blasters and to Chip Bonesaw of the Meathooks. The low-scoring, violent affair was remarkable for the lack of permanent injuries, and the Blasters, though glad of the victory, seemed disheartened at the lack of bloodshed. Perhaps they'll get a chance in the future?

On now to our second match of the day, with Bloodbath division's other rookie squad, the Traumatic Takedown squaring off against the more skilled Brutakai Ragefangs. Sunny weather prevailed here as well, and the majority of the fans in the stands were here to see the mysterious chaos dwarf team and learn more about them (at least more than our goblin correspondent was able to glean).

The Ragefangs received first, and immediately made plans to get Xarnak Bloodrage into the end zone for the touchdown. Almost home free down the sideline, Bloodrage was blindsided by Charlie Horse, the Takedown's towering centaur. The orc was sent flying into the bleachers, while the centaur recovered the ball and made his way across the pitch and downfield. Unfortunately for himself, Horse got greedy and took a bad step, crashing to the earth in a heap. out of nowhere came the other Bloodrage brother, Raziek, who picked up the football, plowed through hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea and strode unchallenged into the end zone. One to nothing for the Ragefangs on a great effort by their favourite son!

Setting up for the next kickoff, the Ragefangs were caught off guard by a fan who evidently had no love for the Bloodrage brothers, hurling a boot at Raziek to get him off the pitch. Luckily for Raziek, line orc Kodish Manhammer stuck his head up to survey the pitch, and took the boot squarely on the temple. His unwitting sacrifice got a round of applause from the Ragefangs faithful and a lone "'at were meant fer tha skilly-un, ye soddy gobber!" from who we assume was the would-be cobbler-assassin. The half ended without further scoring, however.

As the second half started and the ball was kicked, it was retrieved by hobgoblin Perry Carditis, who made a quick shovel pass to fellow hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea. Setting out to stop the playmakers and perhaps emerge from the shadow of the other two blitzers on his team, Prok Fleshdrinker made an assault on Carditis, but somehow was thrown to the dirt himself, howling in pain. The medics went to work on him, but it appears he'll be missing his next match with an upper body injury. The ball did get knocked loose however, only to be recovered once more by Perry Carditis. Though young and inexperienced, Carditis may have the makings of a skilled thrower. he reinforced this possibility with another short lob to Pnoea, who scrambled his way to the end zone to tie the game at one.

The loss of the lead saw the "rage" in the Ragefangs rise to the top, beginning as Kozu Ironhide laid a hammer punch down on the until-now successful Carditis, who was dragged off for the rest of the match. Kragor Clawfang followed suit, pummeling Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon into the mud and out of contention. Still not satisfied and possibly as revenge for the shot at his brother, Xarnak Bloodrage battered line dwarf Spleenic Pain and the stretcher came out yet again. In a final retaliation, however, Rip Tendon hoisted line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath over the waist-high guardrail (dwarf height being what it is) and dumped him into an uproarious crowd of Traumatic Takedown fans, who knocked the orc out by chucking him through the roof of the Ragefangs' infirmary. With the game degenerating into a pro-wrestling tryout, the clock ran down and the match ended in a draw.

The match MVPs were Busitis Olecranon for the Traumatic Takedown, and Rigor Stonestomper, line orc of the Brutakai Ragefangs. Kragor Clawfang, who recently won the Silver Lining as the fan MVP choice, was also given a nod for his clutch ball-stripping skills which may have prevented a second score from the Takedown.

Now that everyone's tasted blood with our first two weeks under our belts, we can look forward to this Sunday when a trio of challenge matches will get underway! First, the Blackwater Bilgerunners have thrown down the gauntlet against the Traumatic Takedown. Second, the Smash and Go'nads demand satisfaction against the Meathooks! And finally, the Brutakai Ragefangs look to pen another chapter in the ageless conflict of Orc and Elf against the Blueriver Wardoves! We'll see you there, don't forget your team colours and favourite heavy object!

MMBBL Welcomes Three New Squads

As you may know, the MMBBL is gaining popularity, and as a direct result we are pleased to announce the addition of three new teams to join a roster of eight for the upcoming Blood Bowl Summer season.

First to arrive are the Blackwater Bilgerunners, a Skaven squad loaded with speed and skill. With more on their arrival we have a report from our dwarven correspondent, Rock Blottem.

The Blackwater Bilgerunners, hailing from the sewers of an unnamed Imperium city, enter the MMBBL’s Summer Season Blood Bowl campaign for the first time under the sponsorship of Baron Blackwater of Clan Moulder. Eager to regain the honour of former Skaven greats like the Skavenblight Scramblers (and ease his infamously lethal boredom), the Baron has graciously donated much to his team, and a great deal of the talent comes from his own personal guard. The roster includes gutter runners Twinkletoes, Piddlepaw, and Dingleberry; Stormvermin bodyguards Brutus and Jenner as blitzers; Fivel Mausketrap serving as thrower; as well as a team of plucky linerats culled from the peasantry.

We are assured that the shivering and high pitched squeals of Limpy, Gimpy, Lamefist, Stumptail, Krunch, and Squeesplat are those of ecstasy at the prospect of upholding Skavenblight honour, rather than fear for their own personal survival or the well-being of their families.

What was once a league built around mere brute force is now showing room for skilled teams, it would appear. The Fly-by Knights, followed by the agile Blueriver Wardoves, and now the Blackwater Bilgerunners; we'll see how talent measures up against force in the upcoming season! Moving on to the second new team, we move away from the skittishness and skill of the Skaven to a more balanced combination of stoutness, sneakiness, and speed: The chaos dwarf team known as Traumatic Takedown. With the report, we have junior goblin correspondent Smerk Noseminer.

The Traumatic Takedown is just disembarking from their caravan after a long journey from the mountains, and...augh! AUUUUGH! AAAAWWWRAAAGH!
...

It appears that we'll have to wait for more information about the Takedown, though by the sounds of things, Smerk has gotten an exclusive interview with their bull centaur!

Finally, the third team to join the league, and joining the Traumatic Takedown in the Bloodbath division, are the enigmatic Bloodsand Blasters. Shipped in from their native Ogodytsot Desert in a series of crates, these undead warriors represent a chapter in the history of Blood Bowl that was written before many other teams even got around to crawling out of the swamp on two legs. An ancient textbook marked by hieroglyphics as the "Tome of Takkul'bal" shows a field of play similar to the Blood Bowl pitch, but with a noticeable lack of end zones. It would seem that the Bloodsand Blasters and their predecessors had no concept of "points" and simply played until everyone was dead or collapsed from heatstroke.

We have not been able to secure an interview with anyone directly affiliated with the Blasters yet. We do, however, have access to their current roster, which was dropped off at the MMBBL headquarters. After half an hour of wresting it from the jaws of the delivery animal (crocodiles are not particularly cooperative) We are now able to present it to the public. Their coach is listed as the Divine Takkul, the actual author of the ancient playbook. Among their ranks are eight lesser skeletal beings and four, that's right, FOUR mummies. We have seen how much damage the two mummies of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters can cause. Having four on the pitch at once is sure to be absolute carnage. The roster itself is as follows.

Lesser Skeletal Servants: Dirty Suez, Cairo Practor, Cal Ciferous, Dusty Tombs, Mister Urns, Gus Sarcopha, Sahket Toomi, and Helter Skeleter.

Great and Wise Tyrants of the Sands: Old Giza, West Nile Cyrus, Durdurhotep, and Battering Ramses.

A strange and terrifying bunch, indeed. We hope to learn more about these terrors from beyond the sands of time as they are unpacked and reassembled in their imported pyramid. Hopefully we'll have more on them, the Traumatic Takedown, and the Blackwater Bilgerunners as the season nears its beginning! Look forward to more in the coming days, including the Chaos Cup end-of-season awards!