Too Much Ugly in Sewer Smashup

Bryag Mudrake here once again for league night in the Deathdealer Division! It's the Blackwater Bilgerunners at the Tidy Bowl hosting the Grenedale Lesionnaires! Attendance was surprisingly light for an official league match, with a mere 20,000 fans in attendance. Perhaps the light attendance was fear amongst the skaven of a recurrence of the infamous Blackwater/Bloodsand match. Perhaps it was fear of a one-sided score-fest by the skilled skaven against the rookie rotters. Or perhaps it was simply too much ugly on the field for any casual fan to stomach. One thing is for sure; sales of Big Moot sandwiches have never been lower in the history of the MMBBL. It's a real shame there weren't more people to see this game, because this one would be an all-star demolition derby! The Lesionnaires have convinced not only Lord Borak the Despoiler to play for their team, but also the mighty Morg 'n' Thorg! The Bilgerunners, perhaps sensing the pummeling to come, hired on a mercenary lineman named Cheesethief to help fill potential holes in the line, and to kick a few players when down.

The Bilgerunners won the coin toss and elected to receive. Worried about the utter darkness in the cistern stadium (the Tidy Bowl equivalent of a sunny day) the rats elected not to field Mausketrap in the opening play. The fears proved groundless as covers were removed and torches lit during the first kick, bringing the playing environment back to tolerable levels. Casual fans might not expect the skaven to take on someone as strong as Morg’n’Thorg, but Bilgerunner fans know better! Blocking started with a mighty bang, as Stumptail knocked Morg 'n' Thorg over, and O'Rattigan pummeled both Zitgore Pusfist and Gomer Bile unconscious. Piddlepaw grabbed the ball, and handed off to Twinkletoes, who buried himself in skaven support just over the line at center field. Pestigors attempted to charge down the slippery Gutter Runner, but failed to get much traction. Twinkletoes slipped past, and rushed in for a quick touchdown, to the cheers and jeers of fans, and the retches of the weaker stomachs in the crowd.

The Skaven set up a traditional deep defense, with their strongest players flanked by their most expendable, and the most valuable in deep coverage. Coverage was not quite deep enough though, and Morg ’N’ Thorg wanted some revenge! Shifting out of the Lesionnaire front line, Morg attempted to run down Stumptail for the bruise to his honor. Fortunately for Stumptail, he refused to be knocked over by the massive ogre, and even managed to push back with a little help from his companions. The ball was picked up by Putesco Prosterno, who attempted to pass it off to one of the advancing pestigors, but wound up firing it behind the skaven line instead. Surrounded by the disturbing presence of the Nurgle Warriors, the skaven worked to shove the horrid monstrosities far enough for Piddlepaw, hiding behind O’Rattigan, to hold his nose and make a grab. Both teams started to pile on the fouls now, with the rent-a-rat Cheesethief knocking out Lord Borak with a well-placed boot to the head, and Putesco thrown out for an attempted foul on Brutus. That call was enough for Piddlepaw to dodge back into coverage, and race up center field for another touchdown!

The following kick to the Lesionnaires was high enough to let Horrendus Atrox to slip under the ball and catch it in his gooey arms. A screechy warcry from midfield drew the crowd’s attention as Stumptail, continuing his rivalry, ran up to Morg 'n' Thorg and attempted to knock him down once again! This time the massive Ogre expected the onslaught, and backhanded Stumptail, who tumbled back in a whimpering heap. He was carted off the field to spend the rest of the game nursing his injuries. That was enough of a disruption for the pestigors to get their passing game together, as Atrox shot a quick pass to Lacrimabilis "Larry" Fatum, who passed off in turn to Mort Gasper. By this time, however, the Bilgerunner defense was enough to prevent the Lesionnaires a touchdown before the end of the half, despite attempts to shove them away!

The second half saw some clever coaching by the skaven assistants give the Bilgerunners a little more organization. Once again, Atrox got the ball on the kickoff, and the Lesionnaires started the beatings. This time however, the Nurgle strength was much more effective, as the skaven were bowled over left, right, and center along the line of scrimmage. With enough defenders down, the ref failed to notice Scab Pickens boot O'Rattigan in the neck, knocking him unconscious for the remainder of the match. Borak followed up with a sickening smash to Piddlepaw, who lay disturbingly still on the pitch. Medics carted him off the field and the team apothecary managed to restart his heart, and get him back on the bench for the next drive. Now a horrible sense of familiarity was returning to long-time Bilgerunner fans... a strong 2-0 opening was giving way to a tremendous beating. Fortunately, several of those longtime fans got a chance to help this time, as three skaven and a pestigor were shoved into a cluster of season ticket-holders, who carried the Bilgerunners safely to their dugout, and knocked Fatum out cold before the refs could recover him. While they were occupied, Oblivio Demum kicked Jenner hard enough to put him out of the game. By the end of the drive, a mere three skaven remained on the field, running for cover as they were chased down by gleeful Nurgle and a grinning Morg, as Atrox trotted the ball in for a touchdown. Oh how the mighty had fallen!

With little time remaining in the first half, the Bilgerunner offense was seriously depleted. With Stumptail, Jenner and O'Rattigan all missing, the rats would have to open the front lines with a single blitzer, and field all the remaining linerats. Spurred on by the scent of blood and the fear of defeat, the crowd stormed the field on the final kick. Towards the starboard side of the field, the Bilgerunners' rat-rush and the Lesionnaire defense were virtually untouched. Towards the port-side lay devastation, as both Nurgle wide-zone defenders, Fivel Mausketrap, and the ball lay motionless. Shocked realization dawned upon the teams, then the Gutter Runners dashed across the field to take advantage of the makeshift opening, while the Lesionnaires lay on the whuppins to get Morg ‘n’ Thorg a shot at the ball. Piddlepaw dashed upfield, leaping over rotters while Dingleberry attempted to pass off the pigskin. His throw was tripped up by his trembling extra arms, and the ball was fumbled! Gurglegasp attempted to guard the ball from Morg 'n' Thorg, a brave but futile gesture as the Ogre dashed him to the ground, and picked up the ball despite the distractions from Gurglegasp's labored breathing. With moments left, it would take serious teamwork to bring down the ogre without the aid of Stumptail or O'Rattigan. Fivel, Gurglegasp and Dingleberry staggered up from where they lay, and rushed over to grab Morg from behind. Dodging away from across the field, Squeesplat sprinted to the limits of his endurance and landed a lucky blow, toppling Morg, and letting the ball fall free! The Lesionnaires moved to cover, and Morg staggered to his feet. Morg then attempted to dodge out of coverage for a last slim chance chance to tie the game but was tripped up by the heartened linerats! Shoving the remaining rotters out of the way, Fivel Mausketrap grabbed the ball, ran to the center line. He hurled an incredible long-bomb pass all the way into the Nurgle endzone where Piddlepaw, having slipped away from mid-field coverage, tippled the ball... and caught it! 3-1 against incredible odds for the Bilgerunners! The fans would have gone wild, if there any left in the stands after the post-invasion purge.

Match MVPs go to Hork Hogan and Notchear, for reasons only the fans could explain. Horrendus Atrox's new blocking abilities were also noted in this game. Thanks again for tuning into the MMBBL Coverage! I'll be back next week with lots more action from the Stargazing Farmboys in Bloodbath division! See you then!

Rumble in the Jungle; Chupacabras Battle Rampage

Kay Offwrong back again with a report for the Deathdealer Division of the MMBBL, where the playoff race is tighter than a halfling's belt at a pancake buffet. The Sun Temple Chupacabras were in town to take on the newcomer Shattered Plains Rampage.

The Rampage had hired on an additional 2 medical personnel to deal with the oncoming saurus onslaught, and had taken the past week to develop some bonus team training. The 30,482 fans in attendance were mostly in favor of the home team and it was evident through the match.

The Chupacabras kicked off first, but the first big play was from neither team. Rampage fans showed their loyalty by pelting the field with rocks, one of which managed to saurus blocker El Mucho Grande in the back of the head. He was taken off the field to recover for the next drive. The Rampage took advantage of their numbers and began positioning themselves for their advance, however hippo blockers aren't as sure footed as one might guess and Bagunda fell over one of the rocks tossed onto the field by the fans. He, too, was carted off the field to rest up for the next drive.

A veritable wrestling match ensued and both teams were jockeying for position along the line of scrimmage. Iguanadon Quixote knocked over Zubeda repeatedly, and Shenzi the rhino blitzer stunned the still pointless Tyrannosaurus Sex. Seeing a break in the line, Gecko Xtopilopicoatl attempted to get some extra mileage out of his little legs, but couldn't make it, and knocked himself out, giving the numbers advantage back to the Rampage.

With saurii barreling down on him, Hafsa calmly maintained his composure in the pocket created by his hippo blockers and tossed a dandy of a pass to Samus. Then lion berserker then made his way up-field and handed off to the lovely lioness Sarabi, who in no time was into the endzone, giving the home town team a lead of 1-0.

With the fans still in a fit of excitement, the Rampage kicked to the speedy (and nearly unstoppable) skink offense. The fans decided to lend their hand again, and yet another flurry of rocks pelted the field, this time hitting El Legarto Terrible, but only stunning the large lizard powerhouse.

With the ball in play, Sue Xtopilopicoatl snatched it up into her arms and handed off to her speedy and very smooth brother Harpo, who was across midfield in the blink of an eye. Iguanadon Quixote, back from his opening drive nap, was leveled by Nala and with that the Rampage defense had pinned the Chupacabra offense dead in its tracks. Back upfield towards the line of scrimmage, El Mucho Grande laid a doozy of a hit on Yo-Kamba, who would stay in the game, and moved forward to assist the nimble skink. With the saurii rumbling down the field, Meepo
Xtopilopicoatl attempted to break away from Shenzi and catch up, but the rhino's coverage was too much for him and he landed on the field, dazed.

Seeing his fallen skink teammate laid out on the field, El Mucho Grande went into a fit of rage and threw a devastating hit on Zubeda, who had to be taken off the field by the medical staff and patched up. After the carnage cleared, it was Samus to the rescue who threw a great hit on Mondo Xtopilopicoatl knocking the ball loose, and behind him the blitz from Shenzi sent Iguanadon Quixote into the stands.

Even amongst all the Rampage defenders, the ever-agile Pablo Xtopilopicoatl still managed to stride between bodies and under legs, and scoop up the ball. Brother Harpo was not as fortunate as Yo-Kamba sent him into the stands, where the crowd roughed up the little fellow. Ojo the line hippo also laid a terrific hit on Tyrannosaurus Sex, who was taken off the field under the power of the medical staff who had to patch him up.

With the loss of so many players and the goal line still so far away, the half ended, and both teams headed to the locker room to regroup. The Rampage had showed some terrific defense, but how much longer could they hold off one of the leagues top offenses?

The second half's kickoff was up in the air and managed to sail back over half, and the Chupacabras started off with great field position, and Pablo Xtopilopicoatl in control of the ball. His hand off to Gecko was good, and the latter skink was on his way over half behind great saurus coverage. Big Poppa Xtopilopicoatl finally made his presence felt as his laid the hammer down on Nala, knocking the lioness out for the drive.

Again the Rampage looked like they had pinned the Chupacabras in along the side line, and Samus laid a hit on Gecko popping the ball loose. Enter Tyrannosaurus Sex, who began a brilliant blocking chain that allowed Gecko to get his hands on the ball once more, and in a flash he was over the line for his second career Touchdown, making the score 1-1.

The next kickoff went as smoothly as a practice drill, and the ball landed close to Rampage thrower Hafsa. The hippo linemen began to push forward and the struggle for positioning began once more. Zubeda managed to catch a pass from Hafsa but the skinks showed some defensive prowess and managed to knock over the hefty hippo. With numbers on their side, Shenzi and Banzai cleared the way for Hafsa, knocking over several saurii. Hafsa was away down the sideline with lots of protection, and Pablo Xtopilopicoatl managed to get in his way, but the blitz from Zubeda was all the Rampage needed. Hafsa hung onto the ball and crossed the goal line just as the whistle sounded to end the game. Final score: 2-1 Rampage.

MVPs of the game were Sue Xtopilopicoatl, who learned a new trick for her next game, and Banzai the rhino blitzer who showed muscle on the line.

That's all from Shattered Plains Arena, join me next week as the Razor Hill Spine Breakers battle the Bleakwood Breakers in a Bloodbath division showdown.

Wardoves Double Up on Bilgerunners

The third game from Deathdealer Division's week 4 action saw two of the most dynamic, speedy and above-all, high scoring offenses in the MMBBL go head to head. The Bilgerunners brought their craftiest, sneakiest efforts, while the Wardoves, playing for their hometown crowd at the Battlefield of Good Sport, brought their style, their swagger, and their very best smiles.

From the outset, "homefield advantage" was out the window, as the stands became packed with traveling skaven supporters. Undeterred, the elves practiced with their usual grace and vigour - until Valandil Dreadlily mistook Notchear's tail for a jumprope. A brief scuffle ensued, and nearly escalated when O'Rattigan became involved, but the officials were quick enough to intercede and the game started on schedule.

Set to receive, the Wardoves were looking for an easy first score, but weren't about to get it. No sooner than the ball was in play, skaven blitzer Jenner was on top of Bendyrm Cloudrender, throttling the line elf mercilessly. Cloudrender survived, but a severely bruised larynx left him unable to properly communicate with his teammates, and he will miss a game as a result of the injury. Jenner's burst of violence spurred a cascade of confusion along the elf line, however, and after a plunge deep into Wardove territory, the hulking O'Rattigan found himself holding onto the ball. Not about to let something so nasty looking anywhere near their end zone, the elves ganged up on him fiercely and the ball squirted free. With a flick of his wrist, Tish Killwillow sent the ball to fellow catcher Angruil Grimmrose, and the latter ran off like a shot to score the match's first point.

Set to receive now, the Bilgerunners would look to prove that they can be just as fast, just as quick, and just as offensively potent as their opponents. With a gust of wind taking the football for a ride, Fivel Mausketrap nonetheless fielded it well and set his offense in motion. Passing to the devastatingly dodgey Dingleberry, Mausketrap called his other players' numbers to assist the gutter runner in his quest. With several solid blocks from the skaven crew and some fancy footwork from Dingleberry, the Blackwater Bilgerunners quickly tied the score at one.

No sooner than the next kickoff was ready to go, yet another scuffle broke out among the two teams. Apparently Dingleberry had failed to use the hand sanitizers after his touchdown run, and was not very receptive to the criticism from his opponents, to the point where once again, the referees stepped in, winding the clock back to cover precious minutes lost in the altercation. When play resumed and the elves received the ball, they made no mistake in their effort to reestablish the lead as well as in their collective desire to not be touched by the skaven players. Bendark Mossfang, emerging as a favourite for the Silver Elbow this season, passed expertly to Tsih Killwillow, who selflessly handed off to Angruil Grimmrose. Grimmrose danced through the defense and was into the end zone for his second touchdown of the game.

Little time remained in the first half, and the Bilgerunners had little time to make a play before the halftime whistle. Still, with a high kick by the elves, they managed a mass from Mausketrap to Dingleberry. The whistle blew, and any hopes of touchdowns by either team were suspended until play resumed.

The Blueriver Wardoves kicked off to start the second half, but the play was a fakeout from the start - blitzing elves crashed through the skaven line as soon as the ball was over midfield! There's not a whole lot that can be said about this play, but that's only because it worked as designed - to take everyone by complete surprise. While the word "kickoff" was still on reporters' lips, Angruil Grimmrose was over half, through the backfield, and scooping up the football, scoring a touchdown faster than most people can spell the word. Now up 3-1, the Wardoves could play with a decent level of comfort.

Down but not out, the Bilgerunners were faced with adversity, but were looking for the opportunity within. A change in the weather, bringing out a harsh, piercing ray of sunshine, didn't help their plans. While the skaven suffered with the sun in their eyes, the Wardoves had nothing but shade from their end of the field, and exploited this with another defensive rush. Bendark Mossfang advanced with his fellows past midfield, and after the elves essentially took the ball from the skaven offense, passed it to Tsih Killwillow who got his first touchdown of the game. Killwillow may be the bigger name on the billboard, but Angruil Grimmrose proved that he's just as valuable to the team dynamic with his three scores tonight.

With the game getting out of reach, the skaven once again let frustration get the better of them. Reports from the sidelines mention a few snide comments about cutting off tails so they wouldn't be tripping over them. This time, the officials let the players go at it for a little while, hoping that it would get out of their systems and that the game could then continue at last. The skaven did manage to convey their frustration more constructively this time. The ball came to Piddlepaw, who lobbed a pass down to Twinkletoes, and with that the rats made their great push for the end zone. There was biting. There was kicking. There was screaming, hair-pulling and name calling. In the end, as the dust settled, Brutus the skaven blitzer stood in the end zone, ball in hand, missing a tooth or three, but seemingly vindicated. There wasn't enough time left for any real scoring play to ensue, and the elves let the clock run out with a casual passing play from Mossfang to Grimmrose before the whistle. After the most riotous game in MMBBL history, the Blueriver Wardoves emerged victorious by a score of 4-2.

Match MVP honours were presented to Dellin Finchtalon of the Wardoves for his exceptional blocking prowess, and to the many-limbed Dingleberry, who displayed a remarkable vertical leap on his touchdown run. Similarly noticeable was Angruil Grimmrose, who vaulted over defenders like a stunt cyclist jumping manure wagons at an Autumn fair.

That's the news out of Deathdealer Division of week four of the Spike! Magazine tournament, sportsfiends! Look for more action this weekend as the Traumatic takedown and Asgard Raiders play their makeup match, and one or more challenge matches get underway as well!

High Adrenaline and Low Scores

Week 4 MMBBL action continues with the report from Deathbed Arena, where the Smash and Go'nads were visiting the BloodDrunk Berserkers for some intense Deathdealer action! The Berserkers, being an expansion squad, had a decent turnout, but were slightly overshadowed by the presence of Go'nads fans, who've seen a remarkable surge of support since their trip to the Blood Bowl finals last season.

Outnumbered though they may have been, the chaos fans showed their enthusiasm early, as what appeared to be an entire sacrificial goat was hurled from the crowd to land squarely on top of dwarf defender Achilles Punks, who was slower than usual to get up. The ball came into the hands of Face Eater, Berserkers beastman, who was immediately off and running for the other end of the field. Quick to lend a "block" was Max Spleenripper, hired on to do as much damage as possible before the officials removed him from the pitch. Unfortunately for Spleenripper, after laying a slash through Achilles Punks' armour, he was toppled by an enraged Herb Eaverstinks and was too grievously wounded to continue.

The dwarves were beginning to win the blocking game, but already the theme of the drive had shifted, as the much faster beastmen scrambled to take out anyone in Face Eater's way. A trio of them ganged up on Drew Peacock to punch a hole in the wide defense, and Face Eater charged through untouched. With no hope of catching him, the Go'nads' defense continued to grapple with the Berserkers' offensive line until at last, Face Eater ran the football in for the touchdown.

On the ensuing kickoff, the dwarves started to get dirty, with blitzer Moe Lester emphatically kicking a downed beastman in the kidneys. Unfortunately for the Go'nads, Lester was anything but subtle, and the surly fellow was ejected from the match, reportedly leaving the stadium altogether to take in the local pub scene. Meanwhile the more talented of the dwarf players, the dynamic running duo of Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, were enjoying more conventional successes, making their way steadily downfield. Time was not on their side, though, and the clock ran down before their play could develop into a point on the board. At halftime, the score was 1-0 for the BloodDrunk Berserkers.

After the break, with the Smash and Go'nads receiving, another case of projectile enthusiasm erupted from the stands. In retaliation for the sacrificial goat which landed on Achilles Punks, it seemed that Moe Lester had returned in disguise, and managed to sneak a cow into the upper deck where dozens of dwarf fans were watching. Their combined efforts heaved the bewildered bovine over the guardrail and onto the pitch below, Where it impacted on beastman Gutripper. With the distraction in effect, Adam Meway retrieved the ball and began to gallop downfield. He was pursued and eventually tackled by Warheart, but not before he had a chance to lob the ball to his partner in crime, Dick Gozinia. The bait and switch was played perfectly, and Gozinia tied the game on his trip to the end zone.

The score now tied, the Berserkers still had the advantage and could play the clock - as long as their line held up. Enter Cludge Slamboni and his deathroller to bolster the dwarven defense. As the next drive began, Face eater experienced some difficulty getting the ball into his mitts. Eventually, he reined it in and fired a long, high pass to Killrock the Hated. The dwarves were all over it, though, and the ball was back in beardy hands before long, shifting the advantage once more.

with the shift of fortunes came a shift in tactics as well, as the Smash and Go'nads put a little extra "smash" on their game. While Herb Eaverstinks and Achilles Punks put a waist-high hurting on an assortment of beastmen, Cludge Slamboni turned the Berserkers line into a bloody pavement, marking two significant casualties and any number of stubbed toes. Unfortunately for the dwarves, the clock ran down amid their gleeful pummeling, and the match ended in a 1-1 draw.

Match MVPs were earned by Wrathmore of the BloodDrunk Berserkers, and hard-hitting Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads. Also notable was Achilles Punks' uncanny ability to maneuver himself into all kinds of positive coverage, and Dick Gozinia's ferocious forward blocking, as when he made a cover-worthy stiff-arm on his way to the end zone.

Next on the docket, the Blueriver Wardoves and the Blackwater Bilgerunners, the two most nimble and acrobatic squads in the league, square off in a battle of olfactory extremes!

Skinks Sink Stinkers

This week's action from Deathdealer Division is coming right at you, sportsfiends! First on the slate, the woeful Muenster Valley Stinkers host the surprising Sun Temple Chupacabras at Fort Muenster Cheeseyard. Right from the outset, it was clear who the favourites were. More than two thirds of the spectators on hand were there in support of the Chupacabras, and this despite the questionable implications of anyone but a goblin going anywhere near a goblin-run arena.

The lizardmen won the coin toss and elected to receive first. The Stinkers defense was missing one of its biggest contributors - Windmill Widegut, who was sitting this one out with a moderate concussion sustained against the Smash and Go'nads. In his place, however, stood mercenary troll Gurch Squatlaunch - maybe not the best money can buy, but certainly something that some money can rent. To the Stinkers' delight, he proved to be on the same page as the rest of the team from the get-go, as he set a blitz in motion on the first kickoff. The play seemed to have rattled the lizard offense, as a handoff from Harpo to Mondo Xtopilopicoatl was bobbled and dropped. The Stinkers pressed the brief advantage as Whirly Early unraveled his ball and chain to knock a pair of saurus on their backsides. Gurch further proved his worth by hitting Tyrannosaurus Sex with a double-arm slam that left the rapacious reptile seeing stars as he was hauled off the pitch to the infirmary. Again the skinks worked at their running play, and this time Harpo successfully handed off to his brother Pablo, who cruised down the sideline, escorted by El Mucho Grande. Stinker Fleestone of the goblins attempted to stop the crafty skink, but he proved entirely too slippery, breaking free of coverage and running the ball in for the touchdown.

A lucky break struck for the Stinkers as the Chupacabras kicked to them. The ball sailed out of bounds and the touchback went to Gassy Pinchflick, newcomer and soon-to-be-airborne goblin wheeler. Thudd Thuddler hurled him skyward, but the landing left much to be desired. The lizardmen made a move to recover the football, and though his first try failed, eventually Pablo Xtopilopicoatl scooped it up and made his way up the field. Pablo then handed off to brother Meepo, who mirrored his brother's previous touchdown run with a streak down the sideline. Just like that, the score was 2-0 for the Sun temple Chupacabras.

At this point, the Chupacabras' fans were roaring, but somehow their joy was matched by the angry bellowing of the smaller goblin contingent. It is speculated that though the goblins' voices were relatively quiet, their collective breath was loud enough to split stone and raise the dead. A second bad kick from the lizardmen landed right at midfield, but in such a way that neither skink nor stinker could get a solid hold of it before being tripped up or shoved away. The referees managed to pick something up, however, as Gassy Pinchflick was tossed out for a half-hearted foul on El Legarto Terrible. Finally, Stinker Fleestone managed to get a grip on the football, and immediately thereafter was lobbed downfield by Thudd Thuddler. The throw proved just short of the end zone, and the whistle blew before Fleestone could make a run for it. At halftime, the Chupacabras remained in the lead, two scores to none.

After the break, with the Stinkers receiving once more, you could see in their eyes the sense of desperation. The kick this time was much better, and fielded poorly by Dab Lobsnot. Lobsnot was subsequently pushed aside by his own teammate, Kicky Mudgob, who had little trouble with the ball and was thereafter heaved aloft by the towering Thudd Thuddler. Thuddler's aim was true, and Mudgob's landing immaculate. a quick bob and weave around the bewildered skink safety and the goblins had their first point of the game.

While the goblin touchdown has a great effect on the morale of the hometown fans, it absolutely enraged the Chupacabras' supporters. As the Stinkers kicked off, an errant thighbone was thrown out of the upper deck and pegged Thudd Thuddler squarely in the back of his skull, just below he helmet. The troll fell flat on his face, but the looks on the faces of the lizardmen were not smiles and smirks. With the troll out of the way, they caught a glimpse of Blaggat Horkbag, casually tossing a bomb from hand to hand. They looked to the referee, but he was far too busy counting a handful of money to pay any attention. Horkbag let fly his explosives, and the blast plowed through Mondo Xtopilopicoatl, severely damaging the skink's hip joint. Luckily, the skilled priests of the Sun Temple were able to mend the fallen player. Despite the smoke and blasted turf, the Chupacabras held to their game plan and Meepo Xtopilopicoatl found the ball. Running headlong down the sideline with support from Reptar the Reprehensible and Harpo, Meepo proved untouchable and the two-point lead was restored as he crossed the goal line.

As the game began to slip away from them, the stinkers showed signs of faltering across the field. The Chupacabras were able to read their offense perfectly and reordered themselves to exploit its weaknesses. Gurch Squatlaunch pitched ball carrier Nudgy Bangfart down the field, but the latter landed on his head rather than his feet. As Bangfart was about to get up again, he found himself surrounded by skinks, and a sharp kick to the temple from Sue Xtopilopicoatl put him out with a bad case of the won't-wake-ups. The bad breaks kept coming as El Mucho Grande knocked out Bumgo Butterbomb and Pablo Xtopilopicoatl turned a blitz by Ziddy Blotch into a comatose goblin.With that, Pablo scooped up the football and took off like a shot for the end zone. With nothing but hope left in the playbook, Gurch Squatlaunch threw Kicky Mudgob towards the streaking skink, and miraculously the goblin didn't crash. Hitting the ground running, Mudgob plowed into Pablo and knocked the skink flat. The ball careened into the stands and, in typical goblin fashion, was booted back into play before anyone got any ideas about going in after it. Right on the spot was Gecko, but the run took too much out of him, and he fell, exhausted, before crossing the goal line. With not so much as a gasp left in the lungs of anyone present, time ran out, with the final score sitting at 3-1 for the Sun Temple Chupacabras.

Match MVPs were Blaggat Horkbag of the Stinkers, and Reptar the Reprehensible of the Chupacabras, no doubt for his strong supportive blocking on Meepo Xtopilopicoatl's touchdown run. Notable as well were Meepo himself, who worked his way out of coverage with some incredible footwork, and Sue, who displayed remarkable agility throughout the contest. after the match, the Chupacabras' skinks were noticeably excited, and the reason became clear in a press conference, as the father of the many Xtopilopicoatl brothers, "Big Poppa" Xtopilopicoatl, joined the team in the position of Thunder Lizard. This potent offense is 2 and 0 in its young history, and the addition of a Kroxigor on the front line will make them a powerhouse on both sides of the ball.

Tune in again soon for all the highlights from the Smash and Go'nads' match against the BloodDrunk Berserkers!

Skaven Start with a Bang, End with a Whimper

Challenge match action from the MMBBL coming at you, sportsfiends! This weekend, the Bloodsand Blasters, those shambling Pez dispensers of pain, made the challenge against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, the scrambliest eggs in the carton. Would speed and cunning make short work of slow and stupid, or would the unstoppable force turn its opponents into immobile objects? Only time would tell.

With the sun shining brightly down on the pitch and not a cloud in the sky, the two teams took to the field. The Bloodsand Blasters won the coin toss and elected to kick first, as their strategy seems to revolve around letting the opponent get all that scoring nonsense out of the way before the beatings can begin. The beatings certainly would begin, as it was evident early on that there wasn't even a referee on the field. Most likely, the officials were "encouraged" to take a long coffee break by the persuasive Blasters mummy corps. The show must go on, as they say, and so on it went.

Any nervousness on the part of the skaven may have been defused quite early as, after a quick pass from Fivel Mausketrap to Piddlepaw, the line rats set about throwing blocks. Stumptail, mustering every ounce of courage and getting a few key assists, took down the corpulent West Nile Cyrus, breaking the mummy's neck with a dry crunch. Dragged off the field by his teammates, it was evident that while the injury would not significantly effect the mummy in the long term, he would still be missing some time to get his spine in order. The Blasters made every effort to rob Piddlepaw of the ball, even stripping it from him briefly, but the wily critter was up again as soon as he was down, and easily scampered free for the first touchdown.

Now set t receive, the Bloodsand Blasters set about very defensive offense, choosing to protect the ball in the event that their creaking, bony fingers couldn't immediately pick the ball up. One doesn't need fingers to throw blocks, however, and the undead set about their usual brutal shenanigans immediately. Old Giza brought his mighty fists to bear on the aforementioned Stumptail, Exacting some revenge for his comrade by breaking the line rat's ribs. Soon thereafter, skeletal phenom Helter Skeleter got hold of Fivel Mausketrap, fracturing his leg and removing one of the Bilgerunners' best offensive tools from contention. The Bilgerunners wouldn't take all this lying down though, and after carefully setting up Durdurhotep, Brutus the blitzer shoved the mummy down in a heap. Though down, Durdurhotep was not out for long, and soon reappeared in the dugout groaning for his teammates. once again, the surprising Helter Skeleter put his stamp on the game, laying out Lamefist the line rat and putting him out of the match.

In all the confusion, however, the Bilgerunners had made their defensive strike. Racing out of harm's way and into the end zone went Squeesplat, and not far behind was the ball. The supremely-dodgey Dingleberry scooped up the ball where it lay after a desperation downfield throw by Hork Ptah, handed off to fellow gutter runner Piddlepaw, who tossed the football into the waiting hands of Squeesplat. It was now a two to nothing game in favour of the Bilgerunners, and with a slow-moving offense like the Blasters', the game might have been over already.

Taking the field confidently to kick off again, the skaven were caught by surprise when a quick snap gave the Blasters some extra momentum. A bewildered Piddlepaw, trying to get out of coverage, tripped up on some stray bandages and threw off the entire skaven defense. The gaffe proved costly as the alarmingly dangerous Old Giza brought his bony belligerence to bear. Tackling the hapless line rat Limpy to the ground, Giza followed up with a double eye-gouge that didn't stop at the eyes. Finally satisfied and covered in brain paste, Old Giza got up and resumed the match, while Limpy, needless to say, did not. As the crowd reeled from the spectacle, largely unnoticed was another casualty caused by Gus Sarcopha, as the skeleton laid out Gimpy, yet another line rat, who would not return to the match and spent the rest of the day mourning the loss of his teammate.

The halftime gong sounded, and never before had there been a sadder-looking bunch of skeletons and mummies. Just as they had gotten on a roll, the skaven were given an opportunity to regroup, and the scoreboard reminded them that while they had been successful in beating their opponents, their opponents were in fact beating them, collectively. Still, the score of 2-0 was overshadowed by the standing ovation given to Helter Skeleter and Old Giza for their impressive casualties, and a large round of laughs for Sahket Toomi, who had unfortunately lost his upper body in the carnage and somehow managed to throw a block or two as only a pair of legs.

As the two teams returned to the field, it looked as though each would return to its standard strategies. The skaven were shorthanded now, but still fast on their feet. The kickoff went to the Blasters once again, and aside from a brisk wind blowing by, all seemed to be proceeding as expected. Many fans, convinced that the skaven victory was secured, had even left early to beat the parking rush, and they would regret it.

Skaven blitzer Jenner opened the half by picking apart the oblivious lower half of Sahket Toomi, putting him out for the rest of the match. Toomi later commented on the hit. "I felt distracted and didn't see him coming. I don't know, I just wasn't all there for that one." Old Giza, inspired by or simply jealous of the success of the once-lowly Helter Skeleter, walloped Squeesplat with a massive shove and the line rat had to be carted off. Things started to get ugly fast, as Dirty Suez was tossed for an attempted foul on a downed gutter runner. Then, Twinkletoes was caught retaliating against a prone Cal Ciferous. The foul proved more costly for the Bilgerunners as Ciferous put himself back together with ease.

In an alarming turn of events, Hork Ptah of the Bloodsand Blasters managed to complete a pass to Dusty Tombs. Tombs took a moment to assess the situation, but eventually got underway and trundled past the depleted skaven defense for an unlikely touchdown. Now leading by only one point, the Bilgerunners needed to maintain control, or at least prevent the undead from getting another shot against the waning skaven forces.

What followed did not help their cause in the slightest. With a mere handful of players on the pitch, the skaven offense was easy to predict, and the Blasters got a jump on them as the play began. Openings were sealed and key players were tied up, and worse yet, the ball was in danger of being picked up by the undead again. The backbreaker for the Bilgerunners came from who else but the explosive Helter Skeleter, who lined up the fallen Brutus and kicked the blitzer squarely in the jaw. Though not permanently disfigured, Brutus was significantly maimed and could not return to the match. Up from the line and into skaven territory came Mister Urns, followed by a handful of skeletons, each hopeful of a chance at glory in the dying minutes. Urns, though meaning well, evoked such descriptive words as "inept" and "hopeless", but eventually Dusty Tombs managed to collect the football and hand it off to Cairo Practor. Practor was virtually unchallenged as he shambled in for the tying point.

With almost no time remaining for a comeback, the skaven were content merely to have survived the match without requiring a forfeit. With only three players remaining on the field, a high kick saw the ball collected by blitzer Jenner, and all the Bilgerunners had time for was a quick pass to Dingleberry before the final bell sounded. It was a wild one, and the final of 2-2 was a telling tale of two very different halves.

The game's MVPs were Cal Ciferous of the Bloodsand Blasters, for reasons not particularly evident, and Stumptail, who played valiantly until being rocked in the first half. Additional accolades go to Old Giza and Cairo Practor for their defensive sensibilities, Squeesplat and Helter Skeleter for their bone-crunching blocks, and Twinkletoes for being a dodgey, shifty, nigh-untouchable runt.

Week five action is coming up this Tuesday, as the formidable Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters take on the talented Blueriver Wardoves, and the slowly-recovering Blackwater Bilgerunners play the Smash and Go'nads. The is the MMBBL - by-weeks are for pansies! See you then!

Chaos Dwarves Weather Khemri Storm; Ragefangs Best Meathooks in Thriller

Week four is underway in the MMBBL, featuring the bone-crushing exploits of the Bloodbath division. Two divisional matches took place last night, as the Bloodsand Blasters squared off against the Traumatic Takedown and the Brutakai Ragefangs faced the Meathooks in a highly anticipated all-orc showdown.

Game one was a quick and dirty affair, marked by multiple miscues on each side. Still, as the first meeting of the two newcomer teams in Bloodbath, it was an exciting contest and the fans ate it up. The chaos dwarf fans, anyway. The skeletal supporters at least had something to chew on.Winning the coin toss, the Takedown elected to receive first. Shorthanded due to the death of line dwarf Third Degree Bernie, a hobgoblin journeyman was brought in to fill the gap, and fit in well enough with his fellow hobs from the get-go.

To start off their possession, Ortho Pnoea lobbed a pas forward to Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon, who chose his running route carefully and patiently, waiting for the right moment to burst downfield. The moment came as Mad Maxilla, frothing at the beard and hooting like a maniac, sent skeleton lackey Gus Sarcopha sprawling to the dirt with a broken jaw. Olecranon seized the opportunity and was a blur down the sideline, with the much slower Khemri forces either oblivious or too slow to stop the score. To the delight of the crowd, hobgoblins Pnoea, Olecranon and Perry Carditis joined together for an emphatic high-fiving in the end zone. Mad Maxilla attempted to assist the festivities, but came up short and had to settle for congratulations from the voices inside his head. After the play, Sarcopha was seen once again on the Blasters' sidelines, having regenerated completely from the wound.

as the next drive started, disaster seemed to strike for the Blasters. The once sunny sky turned dark with rain, and the Khemri team, hard-pressed to pick up the ball even in normal conditions, now had even less of a chance to get their bony fingers around the football. As luck would have it, however, the kick from the Traumatic Takedown was shallow and short, and resulted in a touchback. The ball was given to Cairo Practor, and the Blasters' skeletons quickly moved to surround and protect their chosen carrier.

Now came the powerful mummies to make up for their disappointingly passive performance in their first match. The hits came down hard from the bandaged brutes, knocking out dwarves, hobgoblins and even the mighty centaur Charlie Horse. As the defenders dwindled, Cairo Practor shuffled steadily down the field. The Khemri demonstrated their brutal and unapologetic nature, pressing their newfound numbers advantage and fouling the Takedown with impunity. The officials had been warned beforehand that this was their style, and as a result both Cal Ciferous and Sahket Toomi were ejected from the match for some blatant kickings and stranglings. With the odds no longer so favourable, Cairo Practor stumbled into the end zone as fast as he could, and the score was knotted at one apiece.

To the dismay of the Bloodsand Blasters, the weather began to clear up again once the next drive began. Compounding their chagrin and also the Takedown's joy, nearly every dwarf and hobgoblin who'd been sent off for a nap by the mummies had awakened and returned to the field. The small mercy for the undead was that apparently, Charlie Horse had been hit hard enough to remain asleep. The second half was underway with a truly mediocre kick from the Blasters, making for an an easy pickup and toss by Plex Fracture to the unnamed journeyman. The unfortunate reserve then handed off to Busitis Olecranon, and just in time. No sooner than he had released the football, the hobgoblin was set upon my a frenzied Helter Skeleter. Skeleter, motivated by some possessive force, tore both of the unlucky fellow's arms from their sockets before crushing his skull and absorbing his life force completely. While this soul-stealing may be repulsive to some, it makes for some great water cooler conversations the next day!

The Khemri maiming spree didn't end there. West Nile Cyrus, the bloated, shambling team captain, tackled dwarf blocker Spleenic Pain hard enough to put him in traction for his team's next match. Shortly thereafter, Dirty Suez mauled Plex Fracture and dragged him to he Takedown infirmary himself, tossed him into a cot and muttered "This one ain't done yet" before returning to the game. Fracture did not return before the match's end. With time winding down and not enough line support to break through to the end zone, Bruce Olecranon lobbed a sort one to Perry Carditis and the whistle blew right after the catch. The final score, a one to one tie, but not a bad game by any stretch for either squad.

The MVPs of our first match were the towering Charlie Horse of the Traumatic Takedown, presumably for not being significantly maimed, and Durdurhotep of the Bloodsand Blasters, presumably for threatening the announcers if they said otherwise. When asked how they felt about their dubious awards, Horse responded with a confident "ow", while Durdurhotep bellowed "Daah, my touch corrupts the living!" And proceeded to cover our correspondent with dust. After the match, it was learned that each team had spent its considerable winnings on new players. The Blasters now have a dedicated thrower in the addition of one Hork Ptah, while the Takedown get bigger, meaner, and smellier by signing a second centaur named Dead Leg.

Our second match of the evening was one of the most highly anticipated of the season - green versus green, orc against orc, as the Brutakai Ragefangs and the Meathooks, each coming off a loss, clashed for bragging rights among all orckind. The Ragefangs were tough, but didn't think themselves invincible, and therefore hired on the enormous Ripper Bolgrot to tip the scales for them.

The Ragefangs were set to receive in the clear, warm evening air, though the chants of "D-fence! D-fence!" from the crowd may have soured the mood for them a bit. It certainly didn't throw off the game of Kozu Ironhide, as the black orc throttled Meathooks lineman Lockjaw, putting him out of commission for the Meathooks' next match with an ugly arm fracture. This garnered most of the crowd's attention, even as Krak Toothsnapper hurled a pass to Raziek Bloodrage, who caught the football with practiced ease. The skilled blitzer took off down the field, as all around him Meathooks defenders scrambled, fell, and could only watch as Raziek stormed into the end zone, conveniently posing in front of a poster for his recently-sponsored flavour of sports drink, Razberry Rush. A refreshing start to the game for all those Brutakai "Ragefans" indeed!

The wind picked up a bit as the Meathooks got ready to receive on the next drive, but the errant ball was still scooped up by the plucky Hammish with relative ease. Running quickly into place behind teammate Gristly Slötturhaus, Hammish was picked up by the lumbering troll and chucked down the pitch in a textbook example of a troll having already eaten before the match. Hammish hit the ground safely, but found himself in the midst of the Ragefangs secondary. As quickly as he had landed, Hammish began to regret it as Raziek Bloodrage and Kodish Manhammer bore down on the stunty fellow, sandwiching him and knocking the ball loose. Picking up the lost rock was Gor Knifelicker, who might have made something of a play if not for the distraction caused by Xarnak Bloodrage when the blitzer took a spill at midfield and had to be carted off. Out of the chaos on the line of scrimmage came Beef Bigaxe, the meaty marvel himself, to rob Knifelicker of the ball on his way to the end zone. Raziek made his move to stop the more experienced player, but was shrugged off by the hulking Beef. Bigaxe then had an easy run to the end zone and the score was brought to a tie as the Meathooks captain was showered with assorted delicious (if not identifiable) meat by-products.

With little time left in the first half, a high kick from the Meathooks was caught by Krak Toothsnapper, but without time enough for a sustained drive. The halftime whistle sounded with the score tied at one, and the crowd loving every minute of it.

With the start of the second half came another drive by the Meathooks. A quick snap caught the defense off guard, and Pickles made his move to secure the ball. His handoff to Hamish subsequently failed, however, as the previous mashing dealt to him by the Ragefangs seemed to have left Hammish rattled. Hammish did recover the ball eventually, but was knocked on his backside by Rigor Stonestomper, and the ball bounced neatly back into the line orc's hands. Unfortunately for Stonestomper, the moment was short-lived as Moose Burger came crashing into him from the side, knocking him out cold. Again, Hammish struggled to get ahold of the ball to pass to a wide-open Rip Steakface, but fumbled once more! Kozu Ironhide pressed his advantage in the confusion, sending Hammish reeling and the ball bouncing freely, in and out of the stands, before being picked up by Raziek Bloodrage once more. With the pesky ball out of the way, Ironhide was once again free to pick on Hammish, and the little fellow was hurled into the stands. Luckily he landed among Meathooks fans, who merely teased him as they tossed him down the line to the dugout. Seemingly unstoppable as he cruised down the field, Raziek Bloodrage scored his second touchdown of the match, sending a message to the rest of the MMBBL which clearly said "MVP".

With little time to dilly-dally, the Meathooks looked once more to Hammish to carry their hopes through the cooling evening air. Taking the handoff well from Pickles, Hammish was expertly lobbed to his destiny by Slötturhaus once more...only to completely bail on the landing. Though unharmed beyond a mouthful of dirt, the failed landing gave the Ragefangs a chance to intensify coverage, and in the end, they left the Meathooks no option but to accept defeat. The final score was two to one for the revitalized Brutakai Ragefangs.

MVP accolades were awarded to Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs (a more deserving performance we have yet to see this season) and to T-Boner of the Meathooks, who threw many key blocks in the loss. While the Deathdealer division is being led by the heavily favoured Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, the Bloodbath division is still completely up in the air, with the Bloodsand Blasters owning a narrow lead and the veteran Meathooks sitting in a distant third spot. Anything can happen in the next few weeks, though, so stay tuned for more bone-crunching, blood-letting, and ear-pulling action!

Honour, Drive, and a World of Hurt

Tuesday night has come and gone, and with it came carnage, and with it went glory. Two orc squads, each coming off heartbreaking losses the previous week, faced off more in the interest of honour than victory. The hordes of undead competed with a host of elves, in what was truly a matter of life and death. What happened may shock you. It may offend you. However, it will most definitely thrill you.

The proud players of the Brutakai Ragefangs took the pitch against the Meathooks in game one, the former seeing in their opponents a vision of their glorious future, the latter a reflection of their own humble beginnings. The bulk of the attending fans were in support of the Meathooks, and the significance of this would be known right from the start. Electing to receive first, the Ragefangs prepared their offense, only to have their plans dashed as the crowd stormed down from the bleachers to throttle the teams. In a display of fanaticism the likes of which has never been seen, the Meathooks fans did the bulk of the pummeling and left more than half a dozen Ragefangs dazed in the dirt. Krak Toothsnapper attempted to salvage the drive with a pass, but fumbled the ball and could only watch as Beef Bigaxe of the Meathooks scooped it up and strode downfield for the score.

A terrible kick from the Meathooks on the next drive put the ball in Toothsnapper's hands, and he was quick to lob it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Meanwhile, the incomparable Morg N'Thorg, who had been brought back on to assist the Ragefangs, was making Meathooks troll Gristly Slötturhaus miserable on the line, eventually knocking the big guy out for the rest of the half. With the Meathooks line in disarray, Bloodrage ran the ball down quickly for the touchdown. The score at the half was knotted at one.

In the second half, the Meathooks made their move for a quick score in their now trademarked electrifying way. After failing their first attempt at the goblin toss, which ended as Hammish the goblin was toppled by the charging, dodging Raziek Bloodrage, the ball was recovered by Lockjaw, who has shown an unusual knack for the quick pass as a lineman. As Hammish recovered, Lockjaw shoveled the pass to him, and before he knew what was happening, Gristly had him in his hands and hurled him downfield. Hammish hit the ground running and dove over the line to record the Meathooks' second touchdown.

The fury of battle upon them, the Ragefangs were quick once again in their response. After yet another terrible kick from the Meathooks, the ball landed within the grasp of Xarnak Bloodrage who, not to be outdone by his brother, made short work of the Meathooks defense and carried in the tying point. The fans were roaring - some with the thrill of such a high-skill game between two brutish orc squads, some with disappointment at the lack of any serious injuries sustained by either squad.

With plenty of time left on the clock, the Meathooks were confident that they could attain the next and decisive touchdown to carry them to victory. Their plans were snagged repeatedly, however, as the Brutakai Ragefangs' defense was both disciplined and effective. It didn't help that Beef Bigaxe was essentially alone in his charge downfield and seemed to have dunked his hands in butter before the drive began. Eventually, though, he overcame his clumsiness and with mere seconds to go, pounced on the ball where it lay in the end zone for the winning point. Any disappointment felt by the crowd was washed away by this incredible display, and both orc teams came away from the match with a sense of renewed will and great honour.

The match MVP awards were presented to Rip Steakface of the Meathooks for his key blocking throughout the day, and to Kragor Clawfang for the Ragefangs for his third such award in only four short weeks. It is assumed that the award may have gone to more deserving parties had Kragor not been particularly persuasive when speaking with the sponsors. Additional recognition was given to Hammish the goblin for his excellent ball handling, and to Pickles the thrower who showed remarkable arm strength at the quarterback position.

Our second game of the night had great ramifications - If the Dirt Bursters were victorious, they would effectively solidify their victory in the Chaos Cup tournament, with no other teams being able to match their total points. Their opponents, the Blueriver Wardoves, knew there was a lot at stake here, for the league as a whole. Would the undead reign supreme once more, or would the elves be a roadblock on their route to dominance?

With the illustrious Prince Moranian once again in the lineup, the Wardoves took the pitch for the first drive. The undead shambled out to meet them, and the whistle blew. Violence was the name of the game early on, as the towering Khermit smashed an unknown journeyman elf clear off his feet and out of the game, not to return. Refusing to be intimidated, however, the Wardoves set about the elimination of their opponent's threats - starting with the ghoul Blacky Gobbler. Albiir Featherdeath, quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with, caught Gobbler in something resembling a piledriver crossed with a cobra clutch, and when the dust settled, the ghoul was no more.

Out of the chaos, who should appear, but Ol' Teabagger on a mad dash towards the end zone. Unfortunately for him, the elves are faster than most of his previous opponents, and Featherdeath teamed up with Stryth Leafmauler to catch the wily ghoul before he could score the point. To their chagrin, however, they discovered that where there's one ghoul, others soon follow. Ned Gummers loped down the pitch, scooped up the lost ball and didn't look back as he strode into the end zone.

The very next possession, Ol' Teabagger really turned up the power and showed the elves just what running is all about. Hurtling down the field at a breakneck pace, did the O.T.B. see the man in the pointy hat and glitzy bathrobe stand up in the crowd and wiggle his fingers? He very well may have, because as soon as the clear blue sky was streaked with lightning coming down onto him, Ol' Teabagger somehow sidestepped the forces of nature and continued on his way. We have reports saying that the suspect wizard promptly stripped himself of his sorcerous attire and left to herd goats on a mountainside somewhere. The elves were in pursuit of Teabagger by now, but one of them was caught by the shoulder by the fearsome Magut. The mummy left Tanthil Twigbreaker ironically broken himself, and the two elves who did catch up to Ol' Teabagger would prove insufficient, as the ghoul leaped over one defender, dodged around the next, and dove across the goal line to the excited groans of thousands of undead fans.

The O.T.B. nearly scored again on an offensive miscue after the very next whistle, but Prince Moranian saw the play coming a mile away, and the half ended with the elf putting the ghoul on his backside, and the score a commanding 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters.

The second half began with a determined Wardoves team setting out to execute their own game, not simply tag along with however the undead wanted to play. Their conviction was evident early on as Bendark Mossfang's pass found Bendrym Cloudrender, who then handed the ball off to catcher Sutlan Spearflower, who burned a trail down the field and brought the game to within one point for the boys from Blueriver.

Unwilling to let the elves control the pace, the Dirt Bursters set about more brutal tactics in defense of their lead. Their first target was the high-profile Prince Moranian, and Chunk Norton ripped into him like he was full of candy. The Wardoves medical crew were quick to restore the talented Moranian, however. Resolved to get their point across, the other half of the zombie duo, Stumps O'Boggy, badly beat on Stryth Leafmauler, sending him to the bench for the remainder of the match. With the way cleared by his shambling cohorts, Ol' Teabagger made no mistake and hurtled back to the end zone for another Teabagger touchdown. He celebrated by eating a member of the grounds keeping crew.

Desperate to challenge this undead force, the Wardoves made their bid for a quick follow-up score of their own. All seemed lost when Chunk Norton came crashing through the line towards the ball, but his footing was misplaced (possibly his feet as well) and he fell to the ground mere inches from his goal. Sensing the opportunity, Bendark Mossfang threw projectile perfection into the hands of a mercenary catcher and just like that, the Wardoves were back within a point.

To the resounding booing of every elf fan on hand, the Dirt Bursters responded with measured, cautious, time-devouring play. Forming an impassable barrier around the ball, the undead gained possession and never let go. Time ran out, and the final score was 3-2 for the Dirt Bursters. With the victory, their upcoming final match against the Fly-by Knights becomes moot, as no other team in the league can approach their point total. With this win, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters have secured the Chaos Cup and their third consecutive MMBBL victory. The remaining games will be played for honour, for pride, or for having little better to do in the time leading up to the Blood Bowl this Summer.

The match MVP for the Wardoves was Albiir Featherdeath, no doubt for his brutal dispatching of Blacky Gobbler, but also for the delicate, almost surreal maneuvering that took him there. The honour for the Dirt Bursters went to former thrall Tinny, who has seen much more success in death than he could have ever hoped for in life. Stumps O'Boggy continued his sudden burst of homicidal play and has shown the ability to put pressure on the faster, more agile opponents that he lines up against.

Four games remain on the schedule for the Chaos Cup season, and though the champion is effectively crowned already, there's still plenty more action left to see! Next on the plate is the aforementioned showdown between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who may rest some of their stars in the wake of their assured victory, and the Fly-by Knights, who remain committed to their personal goals in the absence of a shot at the title.

Fly-by Knights' Youngsters Carry the Day

After a confusing weekend of action, we're finally here to report on what happened in the latest MMBBL showdown! The match between the Fly-by Knights and the Smash and Go'nads was scheduled to take place on Sunday, but due to torrential rain it was rescheduled for the preceding Friday. Thanks to the miracle of sorcerous weather forecasting, disaster was averted before it arrived and the game went on as planned.

It was a lovely day, with an even mix of human and dwarf fans packed into the stadium. The Smash and Go'nads had been training hard for this matchup, knowing full well that while they certainly out-toughed the Knights, they were lacking proportionally in the area of pure skill. This skill was absent during the first kickoff, however, as the opening boot sailed out of bounds. Dwarf runner Dick Gozinia was awarded the ball for the opening drive and the game was underway with a pas to fellow runner Adam Meway. As Meway charged down the sideline, he was unceremoniously dumped past the guardrail by blitzer Victor Dashing of the Knights, and carried to safety by the dwarven fans.

Not willing to sit by and let the human squad out-muscle his team, troll slayer Gil T Azell set about some immediate retribution, smashing into lineman Max Limit of the Knights and sending him sprawling on the pitch. He hobbled off under his own power but did not return. The seesaw battle of physical dominance continued as human lineman Tad Overdrest sent Dick Gozinia on the same journey as Adam Meway - he too was knocked into the bleachers and was carried back to the dugout in much the same manner as his teammate was earlier. Seeing his teammates systematically removed from play sent the aforementioned Azell into an even greater frenzy, and he throttled Fly-by Knights running back Jacques Strappe to within an inch of his life. After some on-site surgery and a great deal of tears from the eligible young ladies in the skyboxes, Strappe emerged from the huddle of medics, seemingly right as rain.

Though their strongman had been sent off to recover from this injury, the Knights had succeeded in tilting the numbers game in their favour. Even as the normally-steady Barglesnart Livingstone tripped up and landed awkwardly, he had already bought enough time for the clutch play of Karl Von Uberstamp to ensure a score for the Knights. Uberstamp recovered the loose ball and spotted young Chet Jackweed, who trotted leisurely into the end zone and celebrated the score with a series of flexes and poses for the public to gawk at.

The second half saw more intense play from both the veteran linemen and their youthful new teammates. Uberstamp roared out of the dugout with a vengeance, seriously crippling dwarf blocker Eric Shun. The stalwart dwarf was unable to leave the pitch under his own power, and team medics soon reported that he had suffered a critical fracture in his leg, hampering his movement for the foreseeable future. Immediately afterwards, Fly-by Knights iron man and crowd favourite Abraham Sandwich gave dwarf blitzer Moe Lester a serious scare, positively crushing him, and it took every ounce of talent from the dwarf medical crew to ensure his survival of the ordeal. Down but not out, Lester was taken back to the dugout to recuperate.

As if this wasn't enough for the Go'nads to deal with, Victor Dashing soon made his own mark on the match as he clashed with blocker Ray Pugh and broke the latter's neck. Carted off on a stretcher but still lucid, Pugh mumbled that he was "sore as hell, but not worried about his future with the team." Dwarves, ladies and gentlemen, are just about the toughest Blood Bowl players out there, and Ray Pugh is no exception.

Their line depleted once again, the Smash and Go'nads could only watch as Karl Von Uberstamp once again showed his all-around quality, finding newly-signed catcher Brad Attitûd. A final chance to stop the speedy catcher remained, but was extinguished when Achilles Punks was shoved out of bounds by Wamsley Wedgeworth, and Attitûd had a clear run for the end zone, where he celebrated with his teammates and leaped into the crowd to share his joy. The game was sealed for the Knights, and in the final seconds the only other play of note was when a disgruntled fan lobbed a brick and sent Herb Eaverstinks of the Go'nads for a little nap in the mud.

MVP honours for the match were awarded to Abraham Sandwich of the Fly-by Knights, who tackled everyone who got in his way and a few who were simply in the general area, and to Drew peacock of the Smash and Go'nads. Also of note for the Go'nads was the play of Dick Gozinia, whose keen perception and peripheral vision allowed him make a clean pass despite a threatened position.

Stay tuned, sports fiends! The action's just beginning as tonight, we see two matches of serious interest. The indomitable Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters will square off against the talented and upstart Blueriver Wardoves in a battle of gore versus grace, while our two orc squads collide in a match the likes of which hasn't been seen since before the departure of the Greenskin Bumlookers! The Meathooks and the Ragefangs will almost certainly leave it all out on the field tonight. See you then!

What's Green, Loud, has 44 Legs and a Football?

Two Orc Blood Bowl teams on the pitch, of course!

This weekend's match saw that Greenskin Bumlookers edge out a 1-0 victory over the Meathooks, with every inch of field position being fought over without remorse. The match was destined to be a hotbed of hostility from the first play, as Bumlookers blitzer Red Marx was tossed from the game for the only (detected) foul of the match. Injuries were certainly a factor early on, with two near-death experiences being handled by the two squads' apothecaries. The Meathooks, however, might be better off with a box of band-aids and some polysporin.

The undoing, for the Meathooks, proved to be a number of false start penalties which cost them on a few critical plays. Their defense was stifling however, and it's to their credit that the Bumlookers, now featuring three Black Orcs on the front line, only managed the one touchdown.

The MVPs of the match were both highly deserving in the spirit of Orcish sports, in that they both caused a casualty. Chip Bonesaw, the new kid on the Meathooks squad, showed he's got the blocking skills to play with the big boys. Roger Knightly, his counterpart on the Bumlookers, displayed great poise and field presence, and is becoming another emerging pro for that squad.

In injury news, Ben Dover has recovered from his previous mishap and will be ready for the next Bumlookers game. Bloatgaar the Flatulent of the Meathooks suffered a smashed hand and will miss a game as a result.

Week Four Begins with a Whimper

Onyl one game this weekend to kick off the post-Thanksgiving (yeah, we're Canadian) Blood Bowl action, with the Meathooks meeting the Fly-by Knights this past Sunday. A nice day, roaring fans and the occasional squelching sound of a hot dog vendor being toosed over the balcony to the pitch below - what could be better?

The match wound up going in favour of the Knights, by a score of 2-1. Scoring for the Humans were catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele, who was nearly char-broiled by a bolt of lightning from out of the clear blue sky (authorities suspect attempted arcane homicide, as Mr. Steele had not, to anyone's knowledge, angered a thunder god lately) and also Wamsley Wedgeworth, who was recently signed by a major outfitter to endorse their new "Xtra Plate" line of armour. The touchdown for the Meathooks was scored by line orc Bloatgaar the Flatulent, who is rumoured to have developed a special "pre-game meal" which adds a burst of speed to his running patterns.

MVP selections for the matchup were Beefquake of the Meathooks, who was an unstoppable dynamo of pushing, shoving, and all-around rudeness, and the just-back-from-serious-injury Flash Madison of the Fly-by Knights, who has lost any hope of being a physical presence and has embraced a more underhanded role, desperate to regain some measure of glory in the eyes of fans, now that the mere mention of being tackled causes him to curl up into a fetal crouch.

There were two injuries for each side in the match, though none was serious enough to warrant extended time away from the field for any player.

After the match, the Fly-by Knights' coach announced the signing of lineman Solomon Squatz, to increase their roster size to 14 and "really, REALLY make sure that the catchers don't have to be on the field unless they have to be".

Finally, after the game, the Meathooks' head coach held a press conference with the coach of the Greenskin Bumlookers, to finally plan out what the fans of both squads have been waiting for - Orc on Orc violence! Watch for this game to occur within the next week; it's sure to be a wild one!