Mummy Bags Two Berserkers Early; Blasters Win on the Road

The third match from Tuesday's Bloodbath Division action saw the Bloodsand Blasters travel from their searing desert home to visit chilly Mjaddersen Skvar Garden to play the host Fjord Rangers. Needless to say, the turnout for the Norse squad was nearly double that of the undead, as historically, the two cultures have very little love for one another. The Blasters were the most experienced squad, and to account for the difference, the Rangers spent a lot of extra time on the practice field beforehand. Optimism abounded among the chilly fans of the Fjord.

That optimism was short-lived, however. As soon as the game was underway, with the Blasters receiving first, mummy Durdurhotep went on an absolute rampage. Making two consecutive blocks up on the line, he managed to injure both of the Rangers' berserkers one after the other! Dag Thoresen was soundly battered to the point of being unable to play out the rest of the game, while Olov Rudberg took some nasty damage to his ribs and is expected to miss the Rangers' next match as well. This near-instantaneous shift in numbers brought about some inspired play from the Blasters' usually suspect offense, with Hork Ptah hurling a pass to Sahket Toomi, who fell in behind a trio of skeletal helpers and shambled his way into the end zone for the opening score.

Down but not out, the Rangers put their own offense to work right away. A strong downfield pass from thrower Niklas Jannson was on-target, but slipped through the hands of runner Gjermund Forssell. It seemed like the Blasters might take advantage of the miscue, but instead they made an error of their own. Blitzer Sheik Yirbouti attempted a block against lineman Valter Franzen, but Franzen simply twisted the skeleton's bony hands until they popped off of his forearms, leaving Yirbouti useless for the rest of the game and almost certainly for another match, given how much time it will take for a specialist to get a look at this ugly case of Vorpal Tunnel Syndrome.

The Rangers weren't able to immediately cash in on this mistake as Jannson couldn't get a decent grip on the ball. Hork Ptah attempted to gain control of it, and succeeded, only to blow the pass to Dusty Tombs. needing to clear some space, ulfwerener Sigvard Hoglund laid out Cal Ciferous and howled to declare that he was open. Seeing the opportunity and managing to focus on the ball over the constant din of rattling bones, Niklas Jannson scrambled for the ball, popped his head and arm out of the pile and lobbed a pass to Hoglund, who charged his way home for the touchdown. Tie game!

Shortly before halftime, the two teams seemed to finally crack under the weight of their mutual dislike. Fouls began to erupt from both sides of the field, though Hork Ptah did manage a quick pass to Cal Ciferous before the whistle blew to end the first period of play.

The bad blood persisted after the break, and all pretense of a good, clean game was dropped as Niklas Jannson fumbled the ball on his first pass attempt. Eventually he got it back and tried another throw, but this time was inaccurate and missed his target by a country mile. Khemri mummy Battering Ramses took no notice, though, as he was too busy kicking and stomping on the Norse linemen. He managed to knock out both Valter Franzen and Jonas Mednick before the referee, approaching cautiously with a bucket of holy water, tossed him out. the damage to the Rangers' line, however, was already done, and the Blasters once again took advantage of the manpower advantage. A pass from Hork Ptah, his third of the game, connected with Cairo Practor, and the skilled skeleton scampered downfield to score.

As time wound down, a few half-hearted boots were dished out, but the game was essentially over. As the final horn blew, the Bloodsand Blasters walked away from Mjaddersen Skvar Garden with their first victory of the season.

MVP awards for this match went to Sahket Toomi, who threw a picture-perfect stiff-arm on his way in for the touchdown, and 9surprisingly) to Olov Rudberg, possibly for getting out while the getting was good. Additional marks go to Rangers' ulfwerener Sigvard Hoglund for his key blocking, as well as to Blasters mummy Durdurhotep for his little rampage early on, and thrower Hork Ptah for completing three passes despite not having any muscles to speak of.

Be sure to join us again soon for Bloodbath's final match report for this week.

Go-Getters, Record Setters, and Bed-Wetters: The Autumn 2008 MMBBL Awards!

And now what you fans have all been waiting for - the MMBBL's award ceremony for the Autumn 2008 season! We've got the best and the brightest, the toughest, the roughest, and of course, the worst performances in the league!

Starting things off is the winner of the Silver Elbow, awarded to the player with the most completed passes in the league. This one's a no-brainer folks. With his closest contender, Fivel Mausketrap, a full seven completions behind, our winner here is Lance Freely of the Fly-by Knights with a staggering twenty completions this season. With an arm that never tires and more moves than an afternoon at chess club, there's nowhere to go but up for this young gun.

Next on the list come the big playmakers. The guys who, through force of will, brute strength and sweet moves, got the ball over that goal line the most times this season. To no one's surprise the winner is Tsih Killwillow of the Blueriver Wardoves with seven big scores. He was chased the whole way, though, by teammate Angruil Grimmrose, as well as Knights' receiver Stanley Steele and Go'nads' runner Dick Gozinia with six scores each. Killwillow, who also took home the Spike! Magazine cover deal, has shown nothing but the best in leadership-by-example for his high-flying team.

Next up, what some say is the hardest award to win...on purpose at least. And in that spirit, there was no single winner of the Brass Doorknob award for Undeniable Interference. There were only three interceptions all season in this league, likely due to a combination of highly accurate throwers and incredibly stubborn runners. The three picks that did get pulled down came from a diverse set of players. Firstly, Sue Xtopilopicoatl of the Chupacabras, who showed us how high a leapin' lizard can get. Next up was Victor Dashing of the Knights who did a little bit of everything, and did it very well, this season. Finally, from the "really had no business doing anything with a hand that doesn't involve punching" category, Orok Deathbane of the Spinebreakers, who by reasons we can only describe as the quantum probability of time and space skipping a beat, pulled in an errant pass of his own.

There were several players in the running for the Commissioner's Medal for Exemplary Brutality this season...until Cludge Slamboni got it in gear and ran away with it. With a whopping six serious injuries to his name, the Smash and Go'nads' deathroller pilot left his mark on the league this year, a greasy, pulpy smear that no other player could hope to live up to. Worth mentioning, however, in the category of actual confirmed kills, are three players who left their marks on the rosters of their opponents. Barkley Hobbittosser made not only a name for himself, but likely a species, genus, and possibly a phylum as well when he obliterated an unknown Norse journeyman in a game against the Asgard Raiders. A few games later, Fly-by Knights ogre Barglesnart Livingstone abruptly and colorfully brought an end to chaos dwarf Rip Tendon after hurling the Traumatic Takedown player into a vat of known unknowns, possibly the most philosophical death in league history to involve turning purple and catching fire. Finally, Reptar the Reprehensible of the Sun Temple Chupacabras gorefully terminated Tanthil Twigbreaker of the Blueriver Wardoves in playoff action, leaving barely enough to pass off as a jar of pasta sauce, let alone enough for a proper burial.

The player to be awarded the most MVP accolades over the course of the season was the impressive Fhorin Bloodmeadow, with three such awards to his name. Despite a late-season injury which will no doubt affect his quick mobility, he remains a fantastic all-round athlete and a credit to the Wardoves squad. Many other players earned a pair of MVP nods, but close doesn't count in the MMBBL.

Finally, our award for overall points gain and season MVP award goes to...Victor Dashing of the Fly-by Knights! Dashing made his mark in every aspect of the game this season, earning two MVP awards, a trio of casualties, three touchdowns, a completion, and even an interception. He's been seen lately chilling with Spike! player of the year award winner Tish Killwillow at some of the biggest events in Blueriver and Valor Keepe, and it's rumoured that the two are planning to open a lucrative nightclub in the off season.

Rounding out the top ten of overall points were Tsih Killwillow with 27, Dick Gozinia and Kiro Stormaxe with 24, Stanley "Stainless" Steele with 23, Reedrush and Twinkletoes with 21, Lance Freely with 20, and Egor Longrow and Dingleberry with 19 each.

Finally, the saddest sack, the lamest duck, the Big Fat Zero award goes to...the Buccinator of the Traumatic Takedown! This surly underachieving line dwarf did nothing impressive except possibly be the most unimpressive player all season! Even his teammate Rip Tendon had the good sense to get himself killed. We'll expect more from the Buccinator when we see him next. Why? because frankly, it's impossibly to set the bar any lower than ground level!

That's the lot of them, sportsfiends! Here's wishing you and yours a happy holiday season, and be sure to check back in the off-season for updates regarding new teams, new coaches, rules, events, and above all, MMBBL mayhem!

Blood Bowl Day 2008: Highlights and Hijinx

This past Sunday we held Blood Bowl Day, our one-year anniversary celebration for the MMBBL. By all accounts, it was a complete success, thanks to the enthusiasm and efforts of our eight coaches. Off-field highlights included four pizzas, three cases of pop, and a lot of laughter. The on-field highlights are a bit more...reportable. Additionally, we implemented our new "Stadium Rules" for the first time, for the most part to everyone's great amusement. We'll have another post up about them soon.

The Asgard Raiders had a pair of games, and their results were varied. On the upside, both the team's runners learned to dodge thanks to some fortuitous doubles being rolled, but on the downside, lineman Thor Kilval was turned into a sort of viking paste.

The Blackwater Bilgerunners had some significant successes in their outings. Linerat Stumptail learned Dauntless, marking him as a sort of secret weapon against big guys. Piddlepaw the gutter runner, after an entirely ridiculous four touchdown performance against some goblins, learned Sure Feet, while his associate Dingleberry mutated himself some Extra Arms and the towering O'Rattigan took Stand Firm on his level up. Finally, a new linerat by the name of Notchear was added to the mix.

The BloodDrunk Berserkers had one game, and the results were not pleasant. A few points were awarded, but most notable were the niggling injury picked up by beastman Bone Chewer and the gruesome death of chaos warrior Halford Heartripper.

The Darkmire Carnosaurs did well for their first outings, and though Kakayo Puddlejumper was throttled out of a movement point in one game, he regained it later on in a level-up. Toka Reedrush was another skink to get faster, and Huila Windwhip picked up Sidestep and topped the team with eight Star Player Points.

Gildengrip's Goldminers made an appearance at Blood Bowl Day, and made a strong showing of it. Line dwarf Willron Weldon learned the Guard ability, and runner Gilgarry Goldrush picked up Block after his touchdown and MVP performance. Though he learned Mighty Blow, blitzer Cooper O'Copper's day was soured slightly when he was slapped with a niggling injury.

Also making a brief appearance were the Mount Darkham Gryphons, a human squad fielded by the coach of the Smash and Go'nads. Their victory was well-played, particularly by "The Presence" John McElroy at quarterback, and "Shake and Bake" Blake Baker at receiver, who far and away had the most amusing name at the entire event. The former picked up the Strong Arm skill while the latter increased his movement rate.

The Muenster Valley Stinkers easily had the worst night of the lot. Five games, each one a loss, saw a litany of injuries and a pair of deaths. Goblins Slappy Sloptongue and Armpit Goozer met their respective ends, the latter after learning Sidestep in a previous encounter. Among the permanent but not fatal injuries suffered by others were a loss of strength and a niggling injury for Punchy Clognostril, an agility down for Donker Dungheap, Armour penalties for Nudgy Bangfart and Kicky Mudgob, and a niggling injury for bombardier Blaggat Horkbag. The only bright spots on this day were the discipline of the team's trolls, who didn't eat a single goblin all day, and Ziddy Blotch, who learned sure feet and was given the captaincy for not dying. The Stinkers were also able to hire on a fanatic, one Whirly Early.

The Pancake Valley Shortstacks fared much better than their equally stunty counterparts, though possibly only because they knew when to quit. Cream Sugarfoot had two touchdowns in their lone game, earning him the Sprint ability.

The Razor Hill Spinebreakers played very well, with all but three players earning points of one kind or another, and one of them actually leveling up twice! Kiro Stormaxe was the blitzer in question, collecting a whopping 23 Star Player Points en route to picking up the Sure Hands and Fend skills. Fellow Blitzer Soran Steelfury had a kill and learned Strip Ball, and two black orcs, Kolark Bonefist and Brakgul Bloodsnarl, each got Block. Bonefist also had a fatality attributed to him. After the day was done, the orcs made matters worse for their opponents by adding troll Zor Loneblow to the team. From what I can tell after one day, the Spinebreakers are going to be one hell of a fun team to watch.

The Sun Temple Chupacabras had a couple of strong games, and were rewarded by saurus El Mucho Grande getting faster and skink Harpo Xtopilopicoatl picking up the Side Step skill. Aditionally, Meepo Xtopilopicoatl became the latest of the Xtopilopicoatl siblings to join the team.
Finally, the Traumatic Takedown had a day full of pleasant surprises, as line dwarf Rip Tendon picked up two casualties and a kill, and hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea got Block on a level up. Perhaps the most impressive of all, however, is centaur Charlie Horse, who, after getting an agility increase last season, followed up by learning Dodge on Blood Bowl Day. The only downside for the Takedown was line dwarf The Buccinator getting an armour penalty.

With all said and done, there's going to be a lot of heavy competition in the MMBBL this coming season! Many of the newer teams picked up significant amounts of Star Player Points and won't be rushing into the season without anything to build on. Only two squads came up worse than they started, and neither of their coaches is particularly discouraged. The regular season kicks off on the 30th of September, so look for more posts here and there before then!

Wardoves Show Knights How to Really Fly

Hope you had a great weekend, sports fiends! We certainly did here at the MMBBL, because on Sunday (Sunday, Sunday...) the Blueriver Wardoves squared off against the Fly-by Knights in a battle of the two least bloody Blood Bowl teams on the roster. Or so it was thought.

They met on a sunny day, birds chirping, fans cheering, clouds rolling lazily on overhead. The first possession went to the Wardoves, who trained hard for this matchup and had even hired on the services of the illustrious Prince Moranian to give them a boost against the more veteran Knights squad. They also wrangled a freelance medic to prevent what surprisingly hasn't occurred yet - 0gre-related injuries.

The tables turned early on, however, as it was the elves who drew first blood on the pitch. Lineman Stryth Leafmauler crashed into the human defense and sent Wamsley Wedgeworth sprawling in a heap. He walked off under his own power, but did not return for the remainder of the game. Not willing to sit idly by and take what the elves dished out, hard-working Cyrano de Baggagerack of the Fly-by Knights sent Albiir Featherdeath for a ride that ended in the infirmary, where the walk-on elf medic quickly showed his quality. Featherdeath returned to the game on the next drive. Hostilities continued to escalate as Bendrym Cloudrender brought his rage to bear on Reginald Reginald III of the Knights, nearly killing him. The human medical staff worked hard, and though they saved his life, his career may be through due to the state his sternum was left in.

In all this chaos, the perceived threat of ogrely damage was not even a factor. Confused by the quick movement and nimble dodging of his foes, Barglesnart Livingstone became confused and did not contribute at all during the first half, aside from the occasional half-hearted shove. Taking advantage of this sizable gap in the human line, elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow sailed a pass to the energetic Stryth Leafmauler, and he practically walked into the end zone.

The Knights looked to rebound before the half was up, but failing to execute on a high-risk play proved costly, as lineman Mlalyn Firefawn recovered a lost ball and threw an absolute cannon of a pass to catcher Tsih Killwillow, whose adoring fans chanted his named just as he'd instructed them. The first half ended with the elf squad up a commanding two to nothing.

After the break, it was obvious that whatever the human coach had said to Barglesnart to get him focused was working. Singling out the lineman who exploited his lapse in defense, the ogre drove the elf into the dirt with an overhand smash that would make a tennis team collectively wet itself. Mlalyn Firefawn was removed from the pitch, his head sagging from atop his broken upper vertebrae, and sent to the infirmary to recover as best he could. What might have been a turning point for the humans became fuel for the elves' own fire as well. Albiir Featherdeath, fresh from his recovery and seething with contempt for all humanity, knocked over lineman Karl Von Uberstamp, to the great dismay of his "Karl Kares" section of the bleachers, where dozens of under-privileged kids come to watch their hero play. He was carried off, gave an encouraging thumbs-up and a "winneres useth notte suspicious substances in thee pursuit of victorye" message, assuring us that he'd be back for the next Fly-by Knights match.

As if spurred by his heartfelt message, Jacques Strappe - the poster boy for non-suspicious, hard-working means of self-improvement - ran Wardoves catcher Tsih Killwillow into the mud where his handsome countenance remained for several seconds before a stretcher crew came out to cart him away. What may have been the largest incident of collective spontaneous fainting ensued, as every elf maiden, and quite a few human ones, could not bear to watch their favourite calender man run down so. Strappe was increasingly booed for the remainder of the game as these distraught women gradually woke up, though when he removed his shirt between drives it seemed to quell the uproar. Non-suspicious self-improvement, indeed.

Energized by the elimination of one of their opponents' key players, the Knights rallied to come within a point of the elves as Lance Freely completed his third pass of the afternoon to catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele. Steele took it right to the house and performed an elaborate victory celebration in which he staged a fake joust between himself and fellow Catcher Flash Madison, which ended in a high five and a hug. Cheers echoed from their fans, but they yet had work to do to close the gap.

In a desperate attempt to even the score with time running out, the Knights were nearly within reach, with who else but Steele running down the sideline. The elves would have none of it, though, and after lineman Pynian Grassripper sent the ever pesky Flash Madison down in a heap, the Wardoves converged and stripped Steel of the ball, and the Knights of any chance at a draw. The final score was 2-1 for the Boys from Blueriver, and they paraded off the pitch, led by Prince Moranian to an afterparty at his stately mansion on the outskirts of town.

MVPs for the match were Bendark Mossfang of the Wardoves, whose throwing was right on the money until the very end, when it was actually right off the money (though it didn't matter on the scoresheet), and Barglesnart Livingstone of the Fly-by Knights, who stood by his teammates in the second half and let no ill befall them while he was within arm's reach. Also of note this game were the elf catcher Tsih Killwillow, who may have let his elaborate ducking and weaving go to his head and will need a week or so to set his balance straight once more, and Knights catcher Stanley Steele who showed elf-like agility of his own on his sprint down to the end zone.

More action to come Tuesday, sports fiends, as we see a rematch from the Dungeonbowl championship when the Meathooks and Dirt Bursters collide! Also on tap is the battle of two feisty young teams, the Brutakai Ragefangs and the Smash and Go'nads, who aim to show their quality and make their mark on MMBBL. See you then!

Struggle of Talon and Tooth

Magical Mister Mudd here for another guest appearance. I was able to skrye the latest match in Spring of 2008's Chaos Cup Open. It was two of the new teams coming into the league, the gentle yet deadly High Elven 'Blueriver Wardoved' faced off against self-proclaimed Orc nobility: the 'Brutakai Ragefangs'!

Though there was sixteen thousand fans scrambling to see these young teams field for the first time, only one quarter of them came to see the Ragefangs. It seemed the Blueriver's 'Smooth Beasts of 2008' calender, featuring shirtless portraits of their baby-faced players had won them some popularity for their first game. The thousands of squeeling females added evidence to this theory.

The first drive began with the Wardoves on defense, kicking the ball to the Ragefang offense. The starting whistle almost covered-up the painful cry of Fhorin Bloodmeadow, High Elf Blitzer, as he was sent sprawling by Rusnik Nightwrath, Orcish Lineman. The Orcish advance trode over his fallen form into a back-and-forth struggle for the first scoring point. The Wardoves came out on top with a pass by High Elf Lineman, Venspir Pondrazor to Tsih Killwillow who kicked up a cloud of dirt and grass as he ran the first Touchdown in. He was the last to return to his side for the next drive instructing the girls in the front rows how to chant his name in the proper pronunciation.

"It's 'See'. Not 'T-ss-eh'." he corrected with a wink.

The first half ended with a drive that just wasn't long enough to give the Orcs a tying score. The whistle sounded just moments before Xarnak Bloodrage (who also manages the team) could get the ball over the line, despite a successful offensive charge.

Sometime during the first half, Pynian Grassripper was knocked unconscious, and stayed fast asleep into the next half. Many a High Elf looked a bit envious at how soundly he slept, in the very comfortable dug-out the Wardoves had themselves entrenched in. And sure enough, before the quarter was over, three more High Elves slumbered next to Pynian, looking quite pleased with themselves. The coach shook his head and turned away, just before some opportunistic fans snuck themselves into the dug out to land some autographs from Tanthil Twigbreaker, Minlyn Firefawn and heartthrob Tsih Killwillow were happy to provide before going back to sleep.

Thus it was the Ragefangs time to shine. Holo Axegut, Orc Thrower, picked up the ball and sees that if the Blitzers couldn't get the ball where it needed to be, it was time to take matters into his own hands. Calling out tactics, he positioned the team in perfect form to keep the remaining Wardoves from the pigskin. Holo ran into the Wardove field, and made a break for it. From his left, a High Elven Lineman had fallen back for a last ditch defense. Stryth Leafmauler called out to Holo for the ball.

"You want this?!" Holo cried at him, and gave the ball to him. Right in the face. Stryth was down, and nothing was in the way for Holo Axegut to make the score before the final whistle.

Final score was 1-1 after this struggle. MVP for the Ragefangs was Kragor Clawfang, Orc Lineman, for doing exactly what he's been told. For the Wardoves, the MVP award went to Tanthil Twigbreaker, who didn't let a single fan leave the dug-out napping zone without a signed calender.

Next the Butakai Ragefangs take on MMBBL two-time champions, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters for the first time, while the Wardoves bide their time before taking on the rude dudes in the Smash and Go'nads! See you next time!