Victory isn't Always Pretty

This Tuesday, the Blueriver Wardoves hosted the Razor Hill Spinebreakers to determine who would come away with the coveted Spike! Tournament trophy. The weather was fine and the crowd sufficiently rowdy, all that was left to do was flip the coin and let slip the dogs of war. The two big dogs on the field this day were the quick, agile, and well-groomed Prince Moranian, and the big, big and very big Ripper.

As the elves kicked off to the orcs, it became evident that more that the usual amount of dogs had been, as it were, let slip. The kick sailed out of bounds and, by some terrible happenstance, hit the recent winner of the Miss Blueriver Pageant square in the face, dislodging several teeth, bending her nose awkwardly, and blackening her eye beyond even the most desperate of mascara touch-ups. Enraged by this affront to beauty, the elf fans stormed the pitch, apparently deciding to blame this affront to beauty on the least beautiful things on the field, namely the Spinebreakers. As the dust settled, nearly three quarters of the greenskin squad lay half-conscious on the ground, giving the Wardoves a fantastic opportunity to steal a quick point.

Luckily for the orcs, a few competent players yet remained standing, including line orc Mok Rawtar, who got the ball out of the path of the onrushing elves and fell in behind a pair of blockers who miraculously remained on their feet. The Wardoves pride themselves on their mobility, however, and blitzer Albiir Featherdeath put that skill on display early, ducking in around the protection to knock Rawtar over and the ball loose. Now as the rest of the orc team came out of their collective daze, they began to crowd the ball and keep anyone at all from picking the thing up. Prince Moranian, seeing an opportunity to strike, burst forward and laid out orc blocker Kolark Bonefist, dropping the hefty fellow onto the ball itself. The football bounced and rolled about in the pile of bodies, until it eventually found its way into the sausage-like grasp of Mok Rawtar once more!

Once again, Albiir Featherdeath moved to knock the lucky line orc senseless, but this time Rawtar was ready for him, dropping the elf on his backside with a thud. The orc line pressed steadily forward. Tsih Killwillow then made a rush of his own, lining Rawtar up for a dropkick, but only succeeding in stifling the orc's pace for a moment. Still, the orcish line surged forward! Finally beinging their physical skills to bear against the elves, the orcs began to shape the drive the way they would like it, first as blocker Borgosh Hellrage put out Ellbin Ivythorn's lights, and soon after as Ripper singled out Prince Moranian from the press of bodies and stunned the elven star, further clearing a path for the orc runner. With a mighty heave the orc line surged once more, but the final charge that the elves were anticipating from Mok Rawtar never came. With a rare act of selflessness, the line orc handed the ball off to teammate Kiro Stormaxe, and of course, Kiro being Kiro, the blitzer was out of coverage like a bolt of green lightn ing and into the end zone for the first point of the game.

The Wardoves were not discouraged, however. An offense with their speed and grace would not be discoraged by the amount of time the orc drive had chewed up, and neither were they bothered when the Spinebreakers burst quickly over the center line on a blitz. With Prince Moranian plowing a path through the orcs' line, Tsih Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose charged downfield like two birds of prey diving for a juicy Blueriver salmon. Several other elves made a move to surround and protect the football, and when Galthuk Battlewail laid a hit on Albiir Featherdeath, the elf blitzer calmly rolled with the hit, grabbed the ball from the gorund and ducked out of harm's way! Handing off quickly to the recently-returned Bendark Mossfang, Featherdeath provided protection as his quarterback hurled the ball downfield to the waiting Angruil Grimmrose, but the play was spoiled when Grimmrose failed to reel the ball in safely. The whistle blew and the half ended, with the Razor Hill Spinebreakers up one to nothing.

With play resuming, the Wardoves lined up to receive the kickoff. Quick movement on their part opened up the field for them early on, and the the kick was very deep, Bendark Mossfang was able to get to the football before the orc defense became a threat. With coverage pressing in, Mossfang made his choice and fired a pass to Tish Killwillow, but the pass drifted and fell to the ground. One can hardly blame Mossfang for the miscue, as he was tormented from start to finish on this drive by Godan Rockmaul, who shoved him down and kicked mud in his face at every opportunity. Away from the play, line orc Rok Straglash made his bid for most brutal play of the game by grabbing elf receiver Angruil Grimmrose by the shoulders and faceplanting him into the pitch. Grimmrose was in rough shape, but some attention from the Wardoves' medical staff fixed him up quickly. Tsih Killwillow, for his part, had no such trouble on his side of the field, cartwheeling past a blocker, leaping over the heads of two blitzers, grabbing the ball and dodging his way into the end zone, as well as the hearts of Blueriver Wardoves fans everywhere, tying the game at one.

With a high kick, the orc drive was back underway, and Kiro Stormaxe started things off by coolly fielding the kick and getting on his way up the pitch. The toweing Ripper lended a very big hand by knocking out line elf Bendyrm Cloudrender, and blockers Brakgul Bloodsnarl and Orok Deathbane did their part by crashing through the elves' defensive formation to set up the front side of a textbook orc running cage. The cage is strong, but never foolproof when the other side is just as determined as the cage team, and Prince Moranian proved this with a key blitz, wrestling a surprised Kiro Stormaxe to the dirt and freeing the ball to skitter away into the dogpile. A desperate grab by the freshly-returned Angruil Grimmrose was a bust, and the ball bounced on, this time into the waiting hands of Soran Steelfury. With a yell of triumph to alert his teammates, Steelfury triggered an herculean blocking frenzy which scattered the elf defenders left and right, clearing a path for the blitzer to dodge away from coverage and high-step his way over the goal line. Precious little time remained on the clock, and the moans from the saddened home crowd were drowned out by the roar of the visiting orc supporters.

The Wardoves, for their part, lost with grace. Pulling back from the line on the ensuing kickoff, Bendark Mossfang tossed a pass to Tsih Killwillow, and the Wardoves, without the time needed to make a nother trip to the end zone, bowed to their opponents as time expired. The Razor Hill Spinebreakers, roaring with the thrill of victory, had succeeded where so many other orc teams had failed. Honouring their ancestors and the entire orcish nation alike, this rough-around-the-edges group of green greenskins showed that, at least for today, Might does indeed make Right.

Despite the loss, the Wardoves have cause for celebration. Despite brutal injuries that would have sent lesser teams into a collective fetal crouch, the elves rebounded again and again from adversity, and one elf in particular had something big to show for it. Flanked by the gorgeous models from Spike! Magazine's "Swimsuit and Siege Weaponry" calendar, Tsih Killwillow was awarded the Spike! player of the year award. Look for his picture on the cover of Spike! next month, as well as his usual appearances in the Wardoves' calendars, posters, and limited edition collectors' plates!

MVP awards for the Spike! tournament finals went to Prince Moranian on the Wardoves' side, and to Galthuk Battlewail of the Spinebreakers for some keen, mean defensive play.

Talk about an underdog run, folks! Fighting their way through lizardmen, humans and elves, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers pulled through with just the latest in a long line of thrilling victories to claim their place in MMBBL history. Will they duplicate their success in the coming Winter season? Keep it locked on the MMBBL to find out!

Wardoves Double Up on Bilgerunners

The third game from Deathdealer Division's week 4 action saw two of the most dynamic, speedy and above-all, high scoring offenses in the MMBBL go head to head. The Bilgerunners brought their craftiest, sneakiest efforts, while the Wardoves, playing for their hometown crowd at the Battlefield of Good Sport, brought their style, their swagger, and their very best smiles.

From the outset, "homefield advantage" was out the window, as the stands became packed with traveling skaven supporters. Undeterred, the elves practiced with their usual grace and vigour - until Valandil Dreadlily mistook Notchear's tail for a jumprope. A brief scuffle ensued, and nearly escalated when O'Rattigan became involved, but the officials were quick enough to intercede and the game started on schedule.

Set to receive, the Wardoves were looking for an easy first score, but weren't about to get it. No sooner than the ball was in play, skaven blitzer Jenner was on top of Bendyrm Cloudrender, throttling the line elf mercilessly. Cloudrender survived, but a severely bruised larynx left him unable to properly communicate with his teammates, and he will miss a game as a result of the injury. Jenner's burst of violence spurred a cascade of confusion along the elf line, however, and after a plunge deep into Wardove territory, the hulking O'Rattigan found himself holding onto the ball. Not about to let something so nasty looking anywhere near their end zone, the elves ganged up on him fiercely and the ball squirted free. With a flick of his wrist, Tish Killwillow sent the ball to fellow catcher Angruil Grimmrose, and the latter ran off like a shot to score the match's first point.

Set to receive now, the Bilgerunners would look to prove that they can be just as fast, just as quick, and just as offensively potent as their opponents. With a gust of wind taking the football for a ride, Fivel Mausketrap nonetheless fielded it well and set his offense in motion. Passing to the devastatingly dodgey Dingleberry, Mausketrap called his other players' numbers to assist the gutter runner in his quest. With several solid blocks from the skaven crew and some fancy footwork from Dingleberry, the Blackwater Bilgerunners quickly tied the score at one.

No sooner than the next kickoff was ready to go, yet another scuffle broke out among the two teams. Apparently Dingleberry had failed to use the hand sanitizers after his touchdown run, and was not very receptive to the criticism from his opponents, to the point where once again, the referees stepped in, winding the clock back to cover precious minutes lost in the altercation. When play resumed and the elves received the ball, they made no mistake in their effort to reestablish the lead as well as in their collective desire to not be touched by the skaven players. Bendark Mossfang, emerging as a favourite for the Silver Elbow this season, passed expertly to Tsih Killwillow, who selflessly handed off to Angruil Grimmrose. Grimmrose danced through the defense and was into the end zone for his second touchdown of the game.

Little time remained in the first half, and the Bilgerunners had little time to make a play before the halftime whistle. Still, with a high kick by the elves, they managed a mass from Mausketrap to Dingleberry. The whistle blew, and any hopes of touchdowns by either team were suspended until play resumed.

The Blueriver Wardoves kicked off to start the second half, but the play was a fakeout from the start - blitzing elves crashed through the skaven line as soon as the ball was over midfield! There's not a whole lot that can be said about this play, but that's only because it worked as designed - to take everyone by complete surprise. While the word "kickoff" was still on reporters' lips, Angruil Grimmrose was over half, through the backfield, and scooping up the football, scoring a touchdown faster than most people can spell the word. Now up 3-1, the Wardoves could play with a decent level of comfort.

Down but not out, the Bilgerunners were faced with adversity, but were looking for the opportunity within. A change in the weather, bringing out a harsh, piercing ray of sunshine, didn't help their plans. While the skaven suffered with the sun in their eyes, the Wardoves had nothing but shade from their end of the field, and exploited this with another defensive rush. Bendark Mossfang advanced with his fellows past midfield, and after the elves essentially took the ball from the skaven offense, passed it to Tsih Killwillow who got his first touchdown of the game. Killwillow may be the bigger name on the billboard, but Angruil Grimmrose proved that he's just as valuable to the team dynamic with his three scores tonight.

With the game getting out of reach, the skaven once again let frustration get the better of them. Reports from the sidelines mention a few snide comments about cutting off tails so they wouldn't be tripping over them. This time, the officials let the players go at it for a little while, hoping that it would get out of their systems and that the game could then continue at last. The skaven did manage to convey their frustration more constructively this time. The ball came to Piddlepaw, who lobbed a pass down to Twinkletoes, and with that the rats made their great push for the end zone. There was biting. There was kicking. There was screaming, hair-pulling and name calling. In the end, as the dust settled, Brutus the skaven blitzer stood in the end zone, ball in hand, missing a tooth or three, but seemingly vindicated. There wasn't enough time left for any real scoring play to ensue, and the elves let the clock run out with a casual passing play from Mossfang to Grimmrose before the whistle. After the most riotous game in MMBBL history, the Blueriver Wardoves emerged victorious by a score of 4-2.

Match MVP honours were presented to Dellin Finchtalon of the Wardoves for his exceptional blocking prowess, and to the many-limbed Dingleberry, who displayed a remarkable vertical leap on his touchdown run. Similarly noticeable was Angruil Grimmrose, who vaulted over defenders like a stunt cyclist jumping manure wagons at an Autumn fair.

That's the news out of Deathdealer Division of week four of the Spike! Magazine tournament, sportsfiends! Look for more action this weekend as the Traumatic takedown and Asgard Raiders play their makeup match, and one or more challenge matches get underway as well!