Too Much Ugly in Sewer Smashup

Bryag Mudrake here once again for league night in the Deathdealer Division! It's the Blackwater Bilgerunners at the Tidy Bowl hosting the Grenedale Lesionnaires! Attendance was surprisingly light for an official league match, with a mere 20,000 fans in attendance. Perhaps the light attendance was fear amongst the skaven of a recurrence of the infamous Blackwater/Bloodsand match. Perhaps it was fear of a one-sided score-fest by the skilled skaven against the rookie rotters. Or perhaps it was simply too much ugly on the field for any casual fan to stomach. One thing is for sure; sales of Big Moot sandwiches have never been lower in the history of the MMBBL. It's a real shame there weren't more people to see this game, because this one would be an all-star demolition derby! The Lesionnaires have convinced not only Lord Borak the Despoiler to play for their team, but also the mighty Morg 'n' Thorg! The Bilgerunners, perhaps sensing the pummeling to come, hired on a mercenary lineman named Cheesethief to help fill potential holes in the line, and to kick a few players when down.

The Bilgerunners won the coin toss and elected to receive. Worried about the utter darkness in the cistern stadium (the Tidy Bowl equivalent of a sunny day) the rats elected not to field Mausketrap in the opening play. The fears proved groundless as covers were removed and torches lit during the first kick, bringing the playing environment back to tolerable levels. Casual fans might not expect the skaven to take on someone as strong as Morg’n’Thorg, but Bilgerunner fans know better! Blocking started with a mighty bang, as Stumptail knocked Morg 'n' Thorg over, and O'Rattigan pummeled both Zitgore Pusfist and Gomer Bile unconscious. Piddlepaw grabbed the ball, and handed off to Twinkletoes, who buried himself in skaven support just over the line at center field. Pestigors attempted to charge down the slippery Gutter Runner, but failed to get much traction. Twinkletoes slipped past, and rushed in for a quick touchdown, to the cheers and jeers of fans, and the retches of the weaker stomachs in the crowd.

The Skaven set up a traditional deep defense, with their strongest players flanked by their most expendable, and the most valuable in deep coverage. Coverage was not quite deep enough though, and Morg ’N’ Thorg wanted some revenge! Shifting out of the Lesionnaire front line, Morg attempted to run down Stumptail for the bruise to his honor. Fortunately for Stumptail, he refused to be knocked over by the massive ogre, and even managed to push back with a little help from his companions. The ball was picked up by Putesco Prosterno, who attempted to pass it off to one of the advancing pestigors, but wound up firing it behind the skaven line instead. Surrounded by the disturbing presence of the Nurgle Warriors, the skaven worked to shove the horrid monstrosities far enough for Piddlepaw, hiding behind O’Rattigan, to hold his nose and make a grab. Both teams started to pile on the fouls now, with the rent-a-rat Cheesethief knocking out Lord Borak with a well-placed boot to the head, and Putesco thrown out for an attempted foul on Brutus. That call was enough for Piddlepaw to dodge back into coverage, and race up center field for another touchdown!

The following kick to the Lesionnaires was high enough to let Horrendus Atrox to slip under the ball and catch it in his gooey arms. A screechy warcry from midfield drew the crowd’s attention as Stumptail, continuing his rivalry, ran up to Morg 'n' Thorg and attempted to knock him down once again! This time the massive Ogre expected the onslaught, and backhanded Stumptail, who tumbled back in a whimpering heap. He was carted off the field to spend the rest of the game nursing his injuries. That was enough of a disruption for the pestigors to get their passing game together, as Atrox shot a quick pass to Lacrimabilis "Larry" Fatum, who passed off in turn to Mort Gasper. By this time, however, the Bilgerunner defense was enough to prevent the Lesionnaires a touchdown before the end of the half, despite attempts to shove them away!

The second half saw some clever coaching by the skaven assistants give the Bilgerunners a little more organization. Once again, Atrox got the ball on the kickoff, and the Lesionnaires started the beatings. This time however, the Nurgle strength was much more effective, as the skaven were bowled over left, right, and center along the line of scrimmage. With enough defenders down, the ref failed to notice Scab Pickens boot O'Rattigan in the neck, knocking him unconscious for the remainder of the match. Borak followed up with a sickening smash to Piddlepaw, who lay disturbingly still on the pitch. Medics carted him off the field and the team apothecary managed to restart his heart, and get him back on the bench for the next drive. Now a horrible sense of familiarity was returning to long-time Bilgerunner fans... a strong 2-0 opening was giving way to a tremendous beating. Fortunately, several of those longtime fans got a chance to help this time, as three skaven and a pestigor were shoved into a cluster of season ticket-holders, who carried the Bilgerunners safely to their dugout, and knocked Fatum out cold before the refs could recover him. While they were occupied, Oblivio Demum kicked Jenner hard enough to put him out of the game. By the end of the drive, a mere three skaven remained on the field, running for cover as they were chased down by gleeful Nurgle and a grinning Morg, as Atrox trotted the ball in for a touchdown. Oh how the mighty had fallen!

With little time remaining in the first half, the Bilgerunner offense was seriously depleted. With Stumptail, Jenner and O'Rattigan all missing, the rats would have to open the front lines with a single blitzer, and field all the remaining linerats. Spurred on by the scent of blood and the fear of defeat, the crowd stormed the field on the final kick. Towards the starboard side of the field, the Bilgerunners' rat-rush and the Lesionnaire defense were virtually untouched. Towards the port-side lay devastation, as both Nurgle wide-zone defenders, Fivel Mausketrap, and the ball lay motionless. Shocked realization dawned upon the teams, then the Gutter Runners dashed across the field to take advantage of the makeshift opening, while the Lesionnaires lay on the whuppins to get Morg ‘n’ Thorg a shot at the ball. Piddlepaw dashed upfield, leaping over rotters while Dingleberry attempted to pass off the pigskin. His throw was tripped up by his trembling extra arms, and the ball was fumbled! Gurglegasp attempted to guard the ball from Morg 'n' Thorg, a brave but futile gesture as the Ogre dashed him to the ground, and picked up the ball despite the distractions from Gurglegasp's labored breathing. With moments left, it would take serious teamwork to bring down the ogre without the aid of Stumptail or O'Rattigan. Fivel, Gurglegasp and Dingleberry staggered up from where they lay, and rushed over to grab Morg from behind. Dodging away from across the field, Squeesplat sprinted to the limits of his endurance and landed a lucky blow, toppling Morg, and letting the ball fall free! The Lesionnaires moved to cover, and Morg staggered to his feet. Morg then attempted to dodge out of coverage for a last slim chance chance to tie the game but was tripped up by the heartened linerats! Shoving the remaining rotters out of the way, Fivel Mausketrap grabbed the ball, ran to the center line. He hurled an incredible long-bomb pass all the way into the Nurgle endzone where Piddlepaw, having slipped away from mid-field coverage, tippled the ball... and caught it! 3-1 against incredible odds for the Bilgerunners! The fans would have gone wild, if there any left in the stands after the post-invasion purge.

Match MVPs go to Hork Hogan and Notchear, for reasons only the fans could explain. Horrendus Atrox's new blocking abilities were also noted in this game. Thanks again for tuning into the MMBBL Coverage! I'll be back next week with lots more action from the Stargazing Farmboys in Bloodbath division! See you then!

Strange Misfortunes Haunt Lesionnaires/Chupacabras Game

The newly renovated (but never fumigated) Linitis Plastica Centre was home to Tuesday night's visit from the Sun Temple Chupacabras. They met their hosts, the Grenedale Lesionnaires, for their first league match of the 2009 Dungeonbowl season. With such a highly rated opponent, the Lesionnaires were offered plenty of inducements, including the services of the dynamic ogre-goblin duo of Brick Fa'rth and Grotty. Could they tip the scales in favour of the Nurgle team, or will the combined might of six saurus and a kroxigor spell a scaly end to the undead hopes?

Winning the coin toss, the Chupacabras chose to receive first. A terrible kick from the Nurgles resulted in a near-catch by saurus Tyrannosaurus Sex, but saurus agility being what it is, he bobbled it. The lizardmen began with Pablo Xtopilopicoatl picking up the ball and heading up the sideline. His handoff attempt to fellow skink Meepo was botched, however, and the ball tumbled into a mess of Chupacabras players. Bizarrely enough, Lesionnaires pestigor Oblivio Demum calmly moved in and retrieved it from where it lay, while the tangled lizardmen could only look on in disbelief.

With the ball in the hands of Demum, the Nurgle line began a push forward, led by infector Hurlbarf Pukescream. The lumbering plague man crashed headlong into saurus blocker Blue Demon, hitting with enough force to send the lizardman off under considerable duress - later on it was revealed that he would miss his next game due to a deep bone bruise. With a good-sized gap in the Chupacabras line, Oblivio Demum and hippo rotter Zazuk were able to cut through and begin a march to the end zone. A desperate hit by Pablo Xtopilopicoatl managed to send the ball bouncing from Demum's grasp, but to the woe of the lizardmen, it bounded right into Zazuk's waiting arms! Onward, Zazuk shambled, halted just before the goal line by Pablo, a surprising deke at the last moment fooled the skink, and Zazuk lurched over the line to count the first point in Lesionnaires history, as well as gaining the lead for his team.

The next kickoff by the Lesionnaires was another abysmal attempt. The kick was shallow to the point of barely getting over the line at all, and after ricocheting off the head of Big Poppa Xtopilopicoatl, bounced back over the line anyway. The drive thus started with the ball in the hands of skink Mondo Xtopilopicoatl, who began to tear up the sideline immediately. Before too long, however, a logjam of pestigors rallied to meat him, and progress was halted as the Chupacabras brought more forces to bear and help push little Mondo through. The Nurgle responded by calling in more muscle on their side, and things stayed at a standstill until a charging Putesco Prosterno forcefully took down Tyrannosaurus Sex, putting the saurus out of commission for the rest of the match. Somehow, the skinks managed to get away from the danger zone and put together the beginnings of a passing play. The presences of both Hurlbarf Pukescream and Zitgore Pusfist put an end to that, as Mondo was distracted to the point of throwing up in his mouth just a little. The pass was wide and fell incomplete, and the Nurgle defense began to close in. The lizardmen did manage to retrieve the ball, but the tying point was lost when Meepo Xtopilopicoatl's pass to a streaking brother Pablo was unsuccessful. With that, the whistle for halftime sounded and the teams hustled into their locker rooms to talk strategy.

To start the second half, the Lesionnaires put up a strong presence on the line of scrimmage, relying on the nimble Grotty to handle the business of fielding the kick. What followed was the beginning of a convincing case against the hiring of star players, as Grotty - agile, nimble Grotty - failed to pick up the football. Nerves? greasy palms? who knows? The Nurgle offense controlled the line, however, and eventually Grotty was able to get ahold of the ball and bring it up to the rest of the team. The bizarre plays kept coming as Big Poppa Xtopilopicoatl, far more lizard than anyone can handle, threw a blitz against the diminutive Grotty...and fell down himself!? Seizing the opportunity like a ten dollar bill inside an amusement park wind booth, the Lesionnaires surrounded the downed kroxigor, with rotter Mort Gasper showing up last in order to kick the fallen giant int he throat. The foul was caught by the refs, but the damage was done. Gasper was tossed for the foul, but Big Poppa was hauled off on a barn door tied to a team of oxen.

Things looked very, very good for the Nurgle, but the game began to unravel for them. Grotty's handoff to the singularly disgusting Zitgore Pusfist was botched, and before you could say "leaping lizards", Pablo Xtopilopicoatl had the ball in his clutches. After fending off the attention of the powerful but slow Pusfist, Pablo cruised down the sideline, away from every Lesionnaire save Oblivio Demum, who had just enough leg to get within grabbing distance. It was clear that Pablo would win that footrace, though, and Brick Fa'rth tried to solve the dilemma by pitching Grotty downfield to land on the skink! His aim was close, and in another reality it might have worked as planned, but instead Grotty landed on Oblivio Demum, thereby taking out his own help. Grotty threw the block on Pablo anyway, but the skink rolled with the punches and sidled further towards the end zone. A few moments later, he was over the line and the match was tied!

With the ball once again being kicked to the Lesionnaires, the Chupacabras decided to play for the tie instead of risking the loss. With their three remaining saurus on the line, six skinks lined up on the goal line, banking on a hard go for whoever felt they could cross the line safely. Bizarrely enough, the lizardmen called for the blitz...and stood absolutely still. Was it some sort of confusion tactic? The nervous Grotty, in any case, was quite confused. His nerves seemed to be acting up again, and his first attempt to rein in that ball failed miserably. So too did his second. Meanwhile, Grotty failed to notice that saurus Reptar the Reprehensible had broken through the Nurgle line and was bearing down on the goblin star. Once more, Grotty failed to accomplish anything and the Lesionnaires were out of time. To make matters worse, Reptar showed up, and as Grotty looked up cautiously to see what was causing the ominous shadow, he was brushed aside like a combover on a windy day. With his last great effort, Reptar pushed his body to the limits to grab the ball from where it lay in the end zone...and couldn't pick it up. The whistle blew and the crowd of 28,000-plus was left gawking in a mix of disappointment and sympathetic embarrassment. The final score was the Lesionnaires one, the Chupacabras one, and Dumb Luck at least seven or eight.

MVPs of this match, if you can call them that, were El Legarto Terrible of the Chupacabras, and rotter/lion Rama of the Lesionnaires. Grotty was run out of town by an angry mob, which was also run out of town by the pursuing Brick Fa'rth.

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 4: Deathdealer Division

And now that Bloodbath has had its due, it's Deathdealer's turn!



The Blackwater Bilgerunners, despite some rough patches in the playoffs, remain one of the top teams in the history of the MMBBL. Built around blinding speed and great skill, they've managed to pack on a few pounds and become the model of resilience in a league that gets frequent customer points at the local funeral home. Led by the sharp direction of quarterback Fivel Mausketrap, the skaven want nothing less than total victory this season. As blitzer Jenner puts it, "It's time to separate the mice from the men - with the mice on top!"

Coached by: Jon Roth. Arena Rule: It's Coming Down!: When rolling on the weather table, a roll of 10-11 is considered pouring rain.


The Chupacabras are responsible for a lot of good MMBBL press in parts of the world which otherwise would have no clue it even existed. A team composed of high-flying luchadors, masked marvels and caped conquistadors, their electrifying play has enthralled lizard and man alike. The Chupacabras do want to win, for hoisting the Dungeonbowl trophy would be as great to them as donning the championship belt. Still, they remain committed to their humble roots, and remember that they are playing not just for themselves, says saurus El Mucho Grande, but also for "the lizard niños, who everyday watch us and say "I wish to be the great Bludbol player like them, papa! It is for their sake that we strive for the greatness."

Coached by: Sandy Miller. Arena Rule: Ceremonial Prisms: When rolling on the weather table, a result of 3-4 is treated as Very Sunny.


From the wild, wide-open spaces of Gontufar come the Rampage, driven by instinct to play a game with primal implications. Despite the loss of a few players from unpleasant circumstances during Blood Bowl Day, their ferocity is not diminished in the slightest. Competition is second nature to these belligerent beasts, and as berserker Yo-Kamba likes to say, "in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion kicks your ass!" A weeee, um um away, indeed.

Coached by: Ryan Keizer. Arena Rule: Stampede: During a player's turn, if that player performs a blitz action which results in an opponent taking a casualty, the blitzing player may make a second blitz action this turn. This is not cumulative.

Serving their enigmatic matron, Azzilizza herself, in her jungle citadel, the Lurkers are a combination of her thirst for violence, her desire to prove her people superior to others, and of course, her occasional focus on royal whims and fancies. The lurkers themselves, for their part, are unflinchingly loyal and coolly resolved to prove their prowess on the pitch. Witch Elf Melanissa Sanilameh is quite clear when she says, "Victory is the Matron's will, and the Matron's will is law!" I'd stay out of her way, folks.

Coached by: Chris Mudd. Arena Rule: Matron's Favour: When the result on the kickoff table is either Cheering Fans or Brilliant Coaching, flip a coin, with the receiving team calling it in the air. Whoever wins the coin toss may double his or her die roll result for this kickoff.

With dwarves, it's not all about gold, and mines, and booze. Okay, yes, it is, but with the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts from Durr Dammaz, it's also about grudges. Grudges held so long by so many that they're worn down to dust that's been breathed in by the deep-dwellers for countless generations. Stubborn even by dwarf standards, the Dreadnaughts come from a life of underground warfare - they live in the deep mountains, under surface territory claimed by the orc tribes. Their leaders, in an effort to divert the most troubled, dangerous dwarves to constructive uses of time, formed the Dreadnaughts as a way to show dwarven dominance without bringing the mountain down around their ears. Runner Ozgar Blackaxe sees it a little differently, though. "We win all the time, underground. Blood Bowl, closer as it is to the damnable sun, shows us our enemies' strengths on their own turf...as well as their weaknesses."

Coached by: Jai Gagnon. Arena Rule: Stone Floor: When the ball bounces on the ground, it bounces one additional time.



While nearly all of the county of Murdska was ravaged by plagues of undeath, Grenedale (formerly Greendale) arguably got the worst and weirdest of it. For most beings, undeath is something bad that happens after you die. For the Lesionnaires and their folk, it was something that came in like wisdom teeth. The most disturbing part might be the lack of pain - like lepers, they simply lose all feeling in the walking shells their bodies have become. Actually, the most disturbing part is probably how they carry on as if nothing happened, living, working, playing Blood Bowl...No, wait, the most disturbing part is when their eyeballs randomly explode. Yuck. In the words of rotter Filth Collins, "I can feel it...coming in the air tonight. Oh, lord, and I've been waiting for this moment all my life!" Quite the enthusiasm from someone caked in an inch of refuse!

Coached by: Matt Stroud. Arena Rule: Leaving your Mark: If a player is killed, the team whose player got the casualty point for that kill gains a cumulative +1 to their FAME for the remainder of the match.


And there you have it! Fourteen teams in two divisions making for the biggest, meanest MMBBL lineup to date! Tomorrow the regular season kicks off with Bloodbath Division's first round of hostilities! See you there, sportsfiends!

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 2: Blood Bowl Day!

This weekend, our larger family of teams and coaches came together once again for an all-day Blood Bowl marathon. While it would, of course, take weeks for me to document everything that went on in the twenty-some total games that were played, I can certainly touch upon some of the highlights.

For starters, player deaths. It was a bloody, bloody Blood Bowl day, sportsfiends. All told, five bright young stars-to-be had their destiny ripped out along with assorted vital organs and tissues. Stewart Backa of the Stargazin' Farmboys met his grisly end, and was shipped back to Dago's Bog to be returned to the loam of his homeland. Likewise, feline blitzer Mademoiselle Mechante ran out of lives in a hurry and will be reduced to a spectator's point of view from the great litterbox in the sky. A werewolf known as "Come Get Some" from the Drudgetown Deadites was a victim of an unfortunate circumstance, when after being pushed into the crowd, was devoured handily by about three dozen zombies. Finally, a double blow was dealt to the Shattered Plains Rampage, as both the hippo lineman Zazuk and lion berserker Rama were inhumed by the largely unsanitary efforts of the Grenedale Lesionnaires. The Lesionnaires being what they are, were of course pleased to announce the addition of Rama and Zazuk to their lineup after those matches.

For all the sadness there was, still some joy. Most noticeably, Nala of the Rampage, who piled up a whopping three touchdowns and two MVP awards in this long day of destruction, and Klaatu Nikto of the Deadites who got in for four touchdowns. Promising preseason efforts from both individuals!

The season will be starting on Tuesday, with Bloodbath division kicking off our eight-week regular season schedule. In the next post, we'll get a look at the teams playing for the Dungeonbowl championship. This season sees a very good mix of skill and strength, so anything could happen as the Razor Hill Spinebreakers defend their league title!