Deadites Dethrone Spike! Tournament Champs

The MMBBL Dungeonbowl playoffs have begun, and the excitement is building right from the get-go, as the upstart Drudgetown Deadites hosted the underachieving champions, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, at the Pit in Drudgetown this past weekend. It was a gorgeous day for a game, and the Spinebreakers would start on offense, as the Deadites won the toss and opted to defer.

As the ball took to the sky, an immense cheer went up for the Deadites, whose fans were living a veritable dream of an inaugural season. The ball came down not far from orc hero Kiro Stormaxe, who had been having a comparatively quiet season thus far. Stormaxe moved up behind troll blocker Zor Loneblow and handed off to the previously-unseen Chuck Skudfungus, who looked ready to go for a ride. With all in readiness, Loneblow scooped up the goblin in an attempt to toss him downfield, but overdid it on the wind-up and dropped Skudfungus back to the ground! With an ineffectual kick to the troll's massive foot, Skudfungus let him know he was still there, and before the pressing Deadite defense could make a move for the ball, the goblin was airborne again, and on target this time. Soaring over the heads of the Deadites' defense, Skudfungus landed expertly and stormed into the end zone to give the orc squad the early lead.

Now the test would come for the Deadites, to see if they could really hang in and bang with the big boys of the MMBBL. A high, drifting kick from the Spinebreaker defense helped their cause, but Klaatu Nikto wasn't able to pull it down cleanly. Instead the ghoul picked it up and held his ground while the Deadite line soundly thumped the orc line back off of midfield. Still, the Deadite offense wasn't making much headway, and the Spinebreakers met their charge at every turn, stifling the forward motion and keeping them well out of range of the end zone. Eventually, the pressure wore through, and Klaatu's pass to the wight X Morte went off course and fell free. Who should jump on it, then, but Kiro Stormaxe, who seemed to have had enough of conservative play. X Morte quickly recovered, however, and returned the favour to Stormaxe, sending the ball free yet again! Bobbled by Klaatu, the ball bounced around in the growing scrum, until finally it was somehow reeled in by zombie line-chump Goody Little Two Shoes. His elation was muffled by an onrush of angry greenskin, though, as blitzer Galthuk Battlewail stripped the ball from him and sent things back into chaos. Just as it seemed that Soran Steelfury of the Spinebreakers had got his mitts safely around the prize, the whistle for halftime blew, and both teams retreated to the locker rooms with the score one to nothing for the orcs.

Both squads appeared to be fired up when they came out for the second half, but perhaps a little too fired up. taunts began to fly between the two teams - words like "Bumstick" and "Kiro the Zero" were heard, and before too long a brawl broke out at midfield. It took some time for officials to get things sorted out, and there was some speculation that it was a ploy by the Spinebreakers to eat up the Deadites' chances of tying the game. in any case, the orcs kicked off eventually, and Varata Nikto was the first on the ball. Angry and frustrated, the Deadites put on a vicious display of offensive determination led by the snarling Wanna Little, who upended line orc Mok Rawtar awkwardly, resulting in a trip tot he infirmary for the normally stalwart greenskin. Calmly, Varata handed the ball off to the illustrious Klaatu, and the orc defense shifted their attention accordingly. Just as they were closing in, however, the Deadites reversed their strategy! Klaatu handed the ball back on the reversal, and Varata tossed to a now unattended Boomstick, who charged down the sideline en route to the goal line. Blitzer Godan Rockmaul made an attempt to stop the wily werewolf, but couldn't keep up, and the score was then tied at one.

With precious little time remaining, the Spinebreakers once again turned to the suspect bravery of Chuck Skudfungus. The Deadites, of course, saw this coming a mile away, and coordinated their defense to match. Skudfungus soared skyward from the mighty arms of Zor Loneblow, and landed adequately to boot! The dream in the little goblin's heart died, though, when the outstretched foot of Varata Nikto caught him as he tried to squeeze through to the endzone. The game was going to need overtime to find resolution! Unfortunately for the Spinebreakers, line orc Mok Rawtar, freshly returned from his brief stint in the doctor's office, would not be a part of it. Rawtar was bowled over yet again by Boomstick, and while not seriously injured, thought better of playing anymore and hit the showers early.

it would appear that old habits die hard, or in the case of the undead, not completely in any respect. The teams were once again at each others' throats before halftime could get underway, but this time the officials broke the affair up quickly thanks to the latest addition to the team, a deathroller with "2 serv n' prutek" painted crudely on the side. Never before has there been such a clear example of NOT fighting the law and the law very handily winning. The two teams were separated, the clock reset, and the game finally underway once more.

Now that the way was cleared for sanctioned, legal violence, Zor Loneblow wasted no time in squishing zombie blocker Ramming Speed underfoot. the undead being what they are, Mr. Speed was dragged back to the dugout to regenerate. Deadite retaliation was not far behind, though, as Boomstick shifted his attention to rookie line orc Ulrike Stonehide, whom he dropkicked into next week. The orcs stayed alert and moved about to cut off any offensive entry from the Deadites. Finally, with everyone in position, Soran Steelfury burst over the line and stripped the ball cleanly from a bewildered Klaatu Nikto, who appeared to be entirely concerned with getting away from his attacker. Kiro Stormaxe roared up behind his fellow blitzer and got hold of the ball, hoping to put the game away himself.

Back on the line of scrimmage, out of Stormaxe's peripheral vision, things weren't going anywhere near as well as he'd hoped. the hulking Frankenberry had laid out Orok Deathbane, crushing the black orc's hip and ending his season, while Godan Rockmaul fell under a blow from the completely uncontrollable Boomstick, marking the werewolf's third casualty of the day. Desperate and out of options by now, Kiro Stormaxe covered his eyes and lobbed the ball as far as possible into no-man's land. Wanna Little of the Deadites was closest to it, and scampered back with his tongue hanging out the side of his grinning mouth. Galthuk Battlewail made a move to stop the rushing Deadite, but was stiffarmed aside. The orcs were losing the numbers game, and Wanna Little was ditching coverage all the way back down the pitch. With little remaining to oppose him and no hop of catching up, the orcs could only watch as Wanna Little high-stepped into the endzone to give the Deadites the lead.

Only one hope remained for the Spinebreakers, and once again it was Chuck Skudfungus. The Deadites could put it away before he even got a chance for heroics, though, and put it away they did. The shallow kick was well out of range of the more mobile Spinebreakers, and never even got to Skudfungus before time ran out. The Deadites had pulled off the upset and completed the championship hangover that was the Spinebreakers' season.

MVPs of the match were Goody little Two Shoes of the Deadites, and Godan Rockmaul of the Spinebreakers for some great defensive work in the losing cause. Zor Loneblow also earns a nod for dominating the line of scrimmage and helping his fellow linemates out to boot.

Be sure to check back soon for more playoff updates!

Wardoves Double Up on Bilgerunners

The third game from Deathdealer Division's week 4 action saw two of the most dynamic, speedy and above-all, high scoring offenses in the MMBBL go head to head. The Bilgerunners brought their craftiest, sneakiest efforts, while the Wardoves, playing for their hometown crowd at the Battlefield of Good Sport, brought their style, their swagger, and their very best smiles.

From the outset, "homefield advantage" was out the window, as the stands became packed with traveling skaven supporters. Undeterred, the elves practiced with their usual grace and vigour - until Valandil Dreadlily mistook Notchear's tail for a jumprope. A brief scuffle ensued, and nearly escalated when O'Rattigan became involved, but the officials were quick enough to intercede and the game started on schedule.

Set to receive, the Wardoves were looking for an easy first score, but weren't about to get it. No sooner than the ball was in play, skaven blitzer Jenner was on top of Bendyrm Cloudrender, throttling the line elf mercilessly. Cloudrender survived, but a severely bruised larynx left him unable to properly communicate with his teammates, and he will miss a game as a result of the injury. Jenner's burst of violence spurred a cascade of confusion along the elf line, however, and after a plunge deep into Wardove territory, the hulking O'Rattigan found himself holding onto the ball. Not about to let something so nasty looking anywhere near their end zone, the elves ganged up on him fiercely and the ball squirted free. With a flick of his wrist, Tish Killwillow sent the ball to fellow catcher Angruil Grimmrose, and the latter ran off like a shot to score the match's first point.

Set to receive now, the Bilgerunners would look to prove that they can be just as fast, just as quick, and just as offensively potent as their opponents. With a gust of wind taking the football for a ride, Fivel Mausketrap nonetheless fielded it well and set his offense in motion. Passing to the devastatingly dodgey Dingleberry, Mausketrap called his other players' numbers to assist the gutter runner in his quest. With several solid blocks from the skaven crew and some fancy footwork from Dingleberry, the Blackwater Bilgerunners quickly tied the score at one.

No sooner than the next kickoff was ready to go, yet another scuffle broke out among the two teams. Apparently Dingleberry had failed to use the hand sanitizers after his touchdown run, and was not very receptive to the criticism from his opponents, to the point where once again, the referees stepped in, winding the clock back to cover precious minutes lost in the altercation. When play resumed and the elves received the ball, they made no mistake in their effort to reestablish the lead as well as in their collective desire to not be touched by the skaven players. Bendark Mossfang, emerging as a favourite for the Silver Elbow this season, passed expertly to Tsih Killwillow, who selflessly handed off to Angruil Grimmrose. Grimmrose danced through the defense and was into the end zone for his second touchdown of the game.

Little time remained in the first half, and the Bilgerunners had little time to make a play before the halftime whistle. Still, with a high kick by the elves, they managed a mass from Mausketrap to Dingleberry. The whistle blew, and any hopes of touchdowns by either team were suspended until play resumed.

The Blueriver Wardoves kicked off to start the second half, but the play was a fakeout from the start - blitzing elves crashed through the skaven line as soon as the ball was over midfield! There's not a whole lot that can be said about this play, but that's only because it worked as designed - to take everyone by complete surprise. While the word "kickoff" was still on reporters' lips, Angruil Grimmrose was over half, through the backfield, and scooping up the football, scoring a touchdown faster than most people can spell the word. Now up 3-1, the Wardoves could play with a decent level of comfort.

Down but not out, the Bilgerunners were faced with adversity, but were looking for the opportunity within. A change in the weather, bringing out a harsh, piercing ray of sunshine, didn't help their plans. While the skaven suffered with the sun in their eyes, the Wardoves had nothing but shade from their end of the field, and exploited this with another defensive rush. Bendark Mossfang advanced with his fellows past midfield, and after the elves essentially took the ball from the skaven offense, passed it to Tsih Killwillow who got his first touchdown of the game. Killwillow may be the bigger name on the billboard, but Angruil Grimmrose proved that he's just as valuable to the team dynamic with his three scores tonight.

With the game getting out of reach, the skaven once again let frustration get the better of them. Reports from the sidelines mention a few snide comments about cutting off tails so they wouldn't be tripping over them. This time, the officials let the players go at it for a little while, hoping that it would get out of their systems and that the game could then continue at last. The skaven did manage to convey their frustration more constructively this time. The ball came to Piddlepaw, who lobbed a pass down to Twinkletoes, and with that the rats made their great push for the end zone. There was biting. There was kicking. There was screaming, hair-pulling and name calling. In the end, as the dust settled, Brutus the skaven blitzer stood in the end zone, ball in hand, missing a tooth or three, but seemingly vindicated. There wasn't enough time left for any real scoring play to ensue, and the elves let the clock run out with a casual passing play from Mossfang to Grimmrose before the whistle. After the most riotous game in MMBBL history, the Blueriver Wardoves emerged victorious by a score of 4-2.

Match MVP honours were presented to Dellin Finchtalon of the Wardoves for his exceptional blocking prowess, and to the many-limbed Dingleberry, who displayed a remarkable vertical leap on his touchdown run. Similarly noticeable was Angruil Grimmrose, who vaulted over defenders like a stunt cyclist jumping manure wagons at an Autumn fair.

That's the news out of Deathdealer Division of week four of the Spike! Magazine tournament, sportsfiends! Look for more action this weekend as the Traumatic takedown and Asgard Raiders play their makeup match, and one or more challenge matches get underway as well!

Knights Best Takedown in Close Match

The final game in Bloodbath division's first week of the MMBBL's 2008 Autumn season saw a returning, veteran Fly-by Knights squad take on the up-and-coming Traumatic Takedown on the chaos dwarves' homefield. Expectations for both teams are high this season; the Knights have proven their skill yet have no championships to show for it, while the Takedown are subject to the demanding standards of surly dwarves, mean-spirited hobgoblins, and dangerously opinionated centaurs among their fans. To boost their appeal for the season's first game, the Takedown hired on recurring favourite Zzharg Madeye, and brought it what we presume is a large enough sum of money to keep officials from noticing his signature football-firing front-loading blunderbuss.

The Traumatic Takedown won the coin toss and chose to kick first, and you could see in the eyes of the line dwarves that they had a plan. Sure enough, as soon as the ball was over midfield, the Takedown showed the blitz and surged into Knights territory. The human team held its ground and kept its collective cool, however, and Lance Freely calmly retrieved the football and threw it to his favourite receiver, Stanley "Stainless" Steele. Steele made no mistake on the catch, but when trying to stretch out for extra yards down the sideline, fell after a misstep on the turf. Nevertheless, the bulk of the Takedown's defense had committed to the blitz, and Steele had ample time to get back up, brush himself off, and carry the ball in for an early lead.

The Takedown fans at the Operating Room weren't happy, and the uproar of ""Unhorse the Knights!" went up around the stadium. The Knights fans made their best effort to counter with a cheer of "Steele is the Reele Deele!" but simply did not have the edge in lungpower. Taking the field for the kickoff, the chaos dwarf squad had a couple of options at hand - Would they make use of Madeye's deep passing ability, or go with the strong running game centered around ace centaur Charlie Horse? The answer became evident quickly as Horse got his hands on the ball and moved downfield. The Knights' defense was quick to react, however, and the wall of linemen quickly closed off any avenue of passage. Charlie Horse turned on a dime and backtracked along the line of scrimmage, making his way to more open pastures.

The rest of Horse's team began to do their part for their runner, as first Rip Tendon knocked out blitzer Victor Dashing, and then Ortho Pnoea did likewise to Chet Jackweed. Charlie Horse made his move, attempting to capitalize on the compromised backfield coverage. Out of nowhere, though, came Knights newcomer Humphrey Bogatyr to knock Horse to the earth. Before he had a chance to celebrate his debut, though, Plex Fracture of the Takedown roared in with a head of steam, snatched up the ball, and got the glory for Charlie Horse's hard work by marching in for a touchdown. As the teams lined up for the final few minutes of the first half, a passing comment from Horse to Bogatyr was misinterpreted and started a minor scuffle on the field. After the game, the misunderstanding was brought to light: Charlie Horse, showing his respect for Bogatyr's strong tackle, made mention that perhaps his mother had been a horse herself. While this was a high compliment regarding the stamina and resolve of Bogatyr's lineage, the lineman took great offense initially. Once the cultural divide was bridged, however, the two shook hands on the matter and there were no hard feelings. Where else but in the MMBBL does one find such cross-species brotherhood and respect?

When time came for the second half to get underway, the teams took the pitch but not a single official could be found. Of course, the fans were suspected, but being that there's not neraly enough time to search each and every one for bits of referee, the game continued without delay. The Knights kicked once more to the Takedown, and once more Charlie Horse got the call to take the ball in on the ground. Now, the Knights were determined not to allow the chaos dwarves to gain the advantage, and brought out their heaviest hits to protect their end zone. Leading the charge was Jacques Strappe, the rippling running back, as he plowed through Ortho Pnoea without any sign of slowing, and Pnoea was dragged back to the dugout where he was pronounced "pooped". Still carrying the ball forward, Charlie Horse threw a blitz on Cyrano de Baggagerack, but the human shrugged the shot off smartly, and Horse wound up taking the fall. With that, the Knights rallied to the spot and began to turn up the physical game, shoving hobgoblin and dwarf alike all over the field.

Out of the chaos, Knights blitzer Victor Dashing, who'd awoken from his brief first-half nap, scooped up the football and was on his way. Linemen Abraham Sandwich and Max Limit followed him up as a protective force. With little time to spare, the duty fell to Rip Tendon to knock the blitzer down, and the dwarf delivered, putting Dashing on the dirt and knocking the ball free. Fortunately for Dashing, wingmen Sandwich and Limit did their job right, too, and shoved Tendon out of the way, leaving room for Vic to get up and get the football over the goal line. The Knights had the lead again, with little time left to spare.

in the dying minutes of the second half, the Traumatic Takedown had their work cut out for them, and the Knights defense wasn't about to make it easy for them. The green and blue defense read the chaos dwarf offense like a book, and reorganized themselves on the fly to dig in for the big stop. With everything riding on one big block, Charlie Horse plowed into Barglesnart Livingstone, and both players fell to the ground. That was it for the Takedown, but it also turned out to really be it for Rip Tendon. As Livingstone stood his hulking frame back up, the ogre grabbed the nearest thing to hit, and that thing was Tendon himself. The buzzer sounded just as the ogre's throw released, flinging the dwarf player headlong into the research pit on the sidelines, where he landed in a vat of bubbling chemicals, turned purple, caught fire, and died. He was removed by the medical staff, but even then, all they could manage to do was make him turn even purpler, catch fire some more, and die again.

What may sting the most for the Takedown is that after such a strong performance defensively, Rip Tendon was posthumously awarded the MVP for his side. For the Fly-by Knights, Stanley Steele was given the award. Also noteworthy was the effort of Victor Dashing, who made several stunning moves on his way to the end zone. After the game, the Takedown's management announced that while they would miss the presence of Rip Tendon, they would be unveiling a "very big surprise" for their next game in two weeks' time.

And that's the first week out of Bloodbath division, sportsfiends! This Tuesday we kick off Deathdealer's divisional play - returning teams the Wardoves, Smash and Go'nads and the Bilgerunners will test the skill of newcomer squads the Chupacabras, Stinkers and Berserkers, respectively. See you then!

Go'nads Go Further after Riotous Match

Group 1 semifinal action coming at you, but don't read it all in one bite, this one's hot! The Smash and Go'nads, coming off their victory against the Bloodsand Blasters, would do battle against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, who racked up an impressive score against the Brutakai Ragefangs on their way here. Only one of these two teams would get a card for the big dance, so let's see who had the best moves!

Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.

Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.

The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.

Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.

Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.

The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?

It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.

With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.

So, the dwarves triumph, and their playoff run shows a remarkable turnaround from their mediocre play in the regular season. The Bilgerunners, for their part, will be back again soon, hungry as ever. One more semifinal to go, folks, and it's off to the Blood Bowl Championship Game!

Go'nads Go Big, Dirt Bursters Hold on for Tie

Here we are, a mere two weeks from playoffs, and still much of the future is up in the air! In Deathdealer division this week, two games with much riding on them took place as the Smash and Go'nads did battle with the Blackwater Bilgerunners and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters squared off with the Blueriver Wardoves. Even weeks before the playoffs begin, these four forces can feel the do-or-die pressure building already. The only question? Who would do, and who wold die?

The Blackwater Bilgerunners, still recovering from their physical struggle with a handful of mummies, were down a few players and needed to call up a couple of rats from the practice squad to round out the team. From the very first kickoff, though, the skaven spirits were lifted as even though there were more dwarven fans on hand, the Bilgerunner supporters were loud beyond compare. The noise may have been more of a distraction than a help though, as the first pass from gutter runner Dingleberry to teammate Twinkletoes was bobbled and dropped. Twinkletoes quickly recovered from the blunder and sent the ball back to Dingleberry, who made good on the reception. With dwarf coverage coming down fast on him, Dingleberry got his foot tied up in a beard as he attempted to skitter free of danger and fell flat on his face.

Immediately on the ball to was Smash and Go'nads runner Adam Meway, who couldn't make much headway as both teams took several miscues during the broken play. Eventually the Skaven got their act together and put sufficient pressure on Meway for linerat Krunch to throw a block, and it turned out to be much more than just a block. Meway dumped the ball off on his way down, and Krunch, with a presence of mind not usually associated with the jittery Skaven race, smoothly reached out and reeled the ball in himself! Unfortunately, the rest of the dwarven line had finally caught up to the play by now, and Krunch was emphatically crunched by troll slayer Gil T. Azell. Blitzer Stu Padasso pounced on the loose ball and took a short stroll down to the end zone for the first point of the match. The boisterous crowd, once roaring for the Bilgerunners, was now erupting with song as the Go'nads faithful bellowed a drunken rendition of their team's anthem.

On the following drive, the Go'nads kicked off and stacked their defense to halt any last-minute shenanigans. Though there was time for Dingleberry to complete a pass to Twinkletoes, there wasn't time for much more. The half ended with the dwarves leading one to nothing, but with a whole new half to go it was still anyone's game.

Returning from the locker rooms and ready for action, the two squads took to the pitch once more. The Skaven kickoff left much to be desired, and though he missed the catch, runner Adam Meway was quickly on the ball and off down the field. As the defenders closed in on him, Meway lobbed the ball to his partner in crime Dick Gozinia, but the latter couldn't reel it in. Luck was with the dwarves however, as a failed pickup attempt by Gimpy the linerat saw the ball bounce right back into Adam Meway's hands. The dwarf march resumed with Meway being guarded on either side by Achilles Punks and Stu Padasso, making the crafty runner virtually untouchable. As the slow march continued, skaven tempers flared as the dwarf offense held its steady pace, until finally a quick pass from Adam Meway to a wide-open Dick Gozinia resulted in a touchdown. The dwarf crowd absolutely exploded, due to a combination of joy, beer and possibly dynamite. Up two to nothing, the Go'nads needed only weather the Bilgerunners' speedy offense for a few more minutes.

It didn't help the Bilgerunners' cause that they were still so angry from the last drive. Trash talking began brewing between the two squads as they set up for the next drive, and whatever was said must have hit home, be it comments about someone's mother's beard or someone else's peculiar looking tumor, because the players began to beat on each other before the whistle even blew! The debacle was sorted out quickly, due to the relative smallness of the Skaven and the entirely objective drunkenness of the dwarves, but time had still ticked off the clock and there was little hope for a full comeback by the Bilgerunners.

Regardless, the rats lined up for their drive. In contrast to the previous drive's sloppy kickoff, the Go'nads executed a gorgeous kick, and the ball came to rest in the furthest corner of the field. Still not dissuaded, the Skaven took their drive seriously. Piddlepaw retrieved the football and hurled it forward to Twinkletoes, who dodged a possibly disastrous hit before sprinting in for a touchdown. A small victory, however, as time ran out just seconds later. The final score was 2-1 for an elated Smash and Go'nads squad, finally experiencing the thrill of victory.

Match MVPs were Twinkletoes of the Bilgerunners for his notable blocking despite his diminutive stature, and Phil DeGrave of the Smash and Go'nads for his stellar defensive guarding.Also noteworthy were Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, two halves of the same dwarven offensive whole and displaying impressive calm and focus when faced with even the tightest coverage. After the match, the Bilgerunners held a brief press conference to introduce their latest addition. The mighty rat ogre O'Rattigan was added to bring much-needed muscle to a speedy but underpowered Skaven squad.

The evening's second match brought the rising star of the Blueriver Wardoves into alignment with the blazing power of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, whose spark has long-since exploded into a winning streak which has spanned more than two full seasons. With a strong passing game keeping them afloat, the Wardoves have seen hardship in the receiver corps, with injuries plaguing the magnificent Tsih Killwillow and Sutlan Spearflower's stunning season being cut short by his grisly demise. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, have remained dominant, despite their recent pickups Clackers Rattlehead and Eric Shun contributing little to the cause but a couple of warm spots on the bench. To meet the challenge the Dirt Bursters posed, the elves had hired on not only the illustrious Prince Moranian, but the devastatingly distracting Eldril Sidewinder as well.

The contest would prove a challenge for both sides as a third competitor made its appearance - nature itself was taking a toll on the players as the heat and humidity were far above toe comfort zone for everyone involved. Young ladies in the stands swooned as the Wardoves took to the pitch, sweaty with effort. The undead had no easy time of it either, as soggy burial wrappings and hordes of flies plagued the Dirt Bursters both on and off the field. The undead were set to receive first, and the were nearly caught with their pants down as the unbearably beautiful Eldril Sidewinder practically stunned Khermit the mummy with his latest show-stopping pose, and the elven defenders flooded through the gap as Ned Gummers caught the high kick. Furious at his own lack of attention, Khermit helped himself to some deconstructive criticism as he leveled line elf Tanthil Twigbreaker, and the latter had to be removed from the pitch, unable to return. The elves pursued the Dirt Bursters' ghouls doggedly, but Gummers and company proved too wily for them, and Ned Gummers strode into the end zone to start the scoring.

Much to the elves' chagrin, both Eldril Sidewinder and Prince Moranian were left exhausted by the heat, and needed special care from the Wardoves' Bloodweiser Babes before they could return tot the pitch. Likewise, Stumps O'Boggy and Magut of the Dirt Bursters found themselves losing consistency and required time to properly congeal once more. Another high kick, this one to the elves, started the second drive, and ace thrower Bendark Mossfang caught the ball effortlessly. The Wardoves ran their patterns as well-oiled (coconut, we're told) machine, and with calculated precision, Mossfang connected with Stryth Leafmauler on a pass. Leafmauler danced through coverage and handed off to Albiir Featherdeath, who was unscathed as he scored the tying point.

Still the heat persisted. Though those previously out of commission had returned, new players succumbed to the sun's searing rays. Mlalyn Firefawn of the Wardoves was stricken, as were Chunk Norton and Clackers Rattlehead of the Dirt Bursters. The undead offense was quick to get started, and the kick sailed wide and resulted in a touchback, giving a significant advantage to the Dirt Bursters. Ol' Teabagger started the drive with a pass to Ned Gummers, but the latter became tied up in the elven defense. Even with the added push from his teammates, Gummers gained little ground, and the half ended before more points could be earned.

After halftime, once more the mighty Magut was unable to participate due to the oppressive heat. The Wardoves, however, had adapted to the weather by summoning a contingent of tiny air elementals, with several of the creatures attending to each player, providing a cool, refreshing sensation on their skin as well as an impressive breeze which danced through their well-styled hair. This time, the elves got the jump on the undead defense, and the surprise proved costly for the Dirt Bursters as Ned Gummers was laid out by Fhorin Bloodmeadow, and will likely be missing the next match as a result. Still, one ghoul down doesn't remove the other three, and soon enough Ol' Teabagger was chasing down Bendark Mossfang for the sack. Despite the ferocious coverage, Mossfang made no mistake in hitting Angruil Grimmrose with the throw, and the showy catcher backflipped into the end zone before spiking the football into the turf as the legions of sighing elf maidens looked on.

As the next drive began, at last the brutal heat broke under the weight of impressive stormclouds, and the world was a washed-out shade of gray as the rain poured down in buckets. For every fan in the stands who sought shelter, three more simply enjoyed the rush of cool water, and while the undead sections took on the grim mood of a gloomy cemetery, the elf sections looked decidedly more like a poolside party at one of Tsih Killwillow's post-game parties. Honestly, it's a wonder anyone actually paid attention tot he rest of the game. The Dirt Bursters were certainly paying attention, though, and the undead rush to the line on the kickoff was all the elves could handle in the driving rain. Squeezing through a gap with effortless ease, who else but the O.T.B. came through, ball clutched firmly under one arm as he booked it double-time for the end zone. When this ghoul puts what's left of his mind to something, it's very, very hard to make him stop, and the score was knotted at two sooner than anyone realized.

With time enough for another drive, the Wardoves were confident that they could pull off this upset. Unfortunately things started to go sideways for them as soon as the kick was off. And undead peanut vendor, furious that the rain had ruined his heretofore booming business selling blood-flavoured slush, hurled his small vendor cart over the guardrail and onto the unsuspecting head of Valandil Dreadlily of the Wardoves. Dreadlily was fine despite suffering a crushed helmet and a bruised ego, but the gap in the elves' offense would be costly. Lacking proper support, Albiir Featherdeath was overrun by the ravenous undead, and No Guts Bob brought the hammer down on him, putting him out for the remainder of the game. With the line depleted, the elves could only hope for a desperation play to win it for them, but it was not to be. The whistle blew and the final score stood at 2-2. The unbeaten streak for the Dirt Bursters lived on, but the win streak was finally over.

Match MVPs for this game were the Blueriver Wardoves' hard-working Fhorin Bloodmeadow and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters' resurgent golden boy, Lanks McBreak. Further recognition goes out to Angruil Grimmrose, who was absolutely untouchable in the contest, to Dirt Bursters' mummy Khermit who redeemed himself for his early gaffe with a solid defensive presence, and to the O.T.B., whose steady play and careful ball-handling added to the legend. Amazingly enough, the fan presence for the Dusk Hill squad seemed diminished after the game. it could be that their loyalty lasts only so long as the victories pile up...or perhaps they just dried up and blew away before the rain hit.

Week five has almost drawn to a close, sportsfiends! This Sunday we'll have a clash of titans as the Dirt Bursters issue their challenge to the Meathooks, and a surprising return challenge as the Blueriver Wardoves call out the Brutakai Ragefangs once more! Look for more updates soon!

Elves and Skaven Explode with Offense; Dwarf Simply Explodes

After an unavoidable delay, here at last are the results of week three's matchups in the Deathdealer division. One game was a battle of incredible speed and agility, while the other was more notable for the wide assortment of smells involved.

The first match saw the ever-dangerous Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters defend their incredible unbeaten streak against the down but determined forces of the Smash and Go'nads. Despite a slow start, the Go'nads have been a great physical force in the MMBBL this season, led by the brutal, smash-mouth play of lineman Eric Shun, whose hard, unyielding style of play garnered an impressive three casualties in his first game of the season. What can be said about the Dirt Bursters, those marching, moaning, magnificent monsters of the gridiron, which has not already been said? They may not have been born ready, but they certainly died ready. In an attempt to gain an edge over the undead, the Go'nads hired on Barik Farblast, inventor of the Farblast 5000 Passing Machine, and had also bribed enough officials to ensure that the wily dwarf would be able to play the entire match without ejection. The Dirt Bursters also signed skeleton Clackers Rattlehead to an entry-level contract.

With the sun shining and the crowd roaring, the Dirt Bursters were set to receive first. With calculated, almost mechanical resolve, the undead showed their quality amid the screaming of the fans, with superb blocks by the offensive line establishing a running corridor for ghoul Ned Gummers. Gummers charged out of midfield and was home free from dwarf coverage, until a bolt of lightning from the upper deck flashed towards him, intent on stopping the runner cold. With an athleticism and poise unheard of in the ranks of the deceased, Gummers dodged pure lightning and strode in for the touchdown, free of harm. Needless to say, the dwarves and their fans were stunned.

As the Smash and Go'nads prepared for their first offensive drive, a Dirt Bursters fan, responding in kind for the attack on his team's runner, hurled a nearby skeleton fan's head at the Go'nads' main distributor of pain, Eric Shun, knocking the dwarf face-down on the pitch. The ball was kicked off anyway, and Barik Farblast made his move to retrieve it. After Farblast's pass to runner Dick Gozinia was good, the latter found himself quickly set upon by Dirt Bursters' star player, Ol' Teabagger. Unable to avoid The Man's coverage, Gozinia went down and the ghoul recovered the rock. Storming towards the end zone, Ol' Teabagger demonstrated that not every moment in a great player's career is memorable, as he caught his foot on the stray skull tossed in earlier and crashed in a heap at the goal line. The dwarves were hard-pressed to retrieve the lost ball, and sure enough, more ghouls came out of the woodwork to try for the score. Ned Gummers made his approach first and threw the ball laterally to teammate Chompsalot, who then streaked towards the end zone. He never made it there, however, as a blatant, unmistakable foul ended the Dirt Bursters' drive immediately thereafter. Zombie Stumps O'Boggy, apparently sick of hearing about the exploits of Eric Shun, descended upon the dwarf lineman with a powerful punch which shattered the dwarf's teeth. The zombie's fist did not stop there, however, but kept going down the dwarf's throat. Then, in one swift motion, O'Boggy wrenched his arm free, bringing with it assorted organs of varying degrees of importance. Disheartened, winded, and all-around gutless, the once-celebrated Eric Shun collapsed to the ground, dead. O'Boggy was ejected fro the foul, though the damage had been done to both the opponent, and to their fanbase. The second half ended, and the dwarves retreated to their locker room to regroup.

With the second half underway, the Smash and Go'nads chose to implement a new, stingy offensive structure which would prevent their opponent from even coming close to the ball. The plan was working well, and the Dirt Bursters found themselves lacking space in the infirmary as the dwarves were knocking them unconscious left and right. At the height of the carnage, six undead players were asleep in the dugout, and the dwarves had complete control of the field. The winds of chance are fickle, though, and can turn a sweet Summer breeze into a chaotic tornado in a heartbeat. The storm in question arrived when Ol' Teabagger, committed to redeeming his earlier gaffe, dodged through the dwarf coverage and broke free towards Barik Farblast, who had been calmly surveying the field. Farblast was blindsided by the hit and the O.T.B. scooped up the lost ball and carried it in for the touchdown.

With little time remaining for a comeback, the Smash and Go'nads were driven only by revenge. Not one of the unconscious Dirt Bursters players had awakened, and the game looked as though it would finish badly for anyone without a beard. Sensing this, perhaps, were the remaining Dirt Bursters players, and they began to taunt and goad the dwarves as they came onto the pitch. With careful ego prodding and rampant bragging about the probability of the late Eric Shun joining the undead team, the Dirt Bursters incited a riot among the two teams and carefully took their lumps while the clock continued to run down. The final whistle blew and the dwarves were shocked to find them selves denied even the bittersweet taste of vengeance. In the chaos, the undead had sent their assistant coaches across the field to retrieve the remains of Eric Shun, and after a brief ritual the newly-minted zombie rose to take his place on the Dusk Hill team's roster. The final score was two to nothing for the undead, but the toll seemed far greater in the hearts of the dwarven faithful.

The match MVP awards were presented to Stumps O'Boggy, whose deliberate and guiltless foul not only eliminated the dwarves' biggest threat, but also resulted in a new teammate for the Dirt Bursters, and to Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads, who has vowed to honour the loss of his teammate by wearing the number three from now on. Also earning a nod was the play of Ned Gummers, whose running ability has been highlighted by his will to go the extra mile. The undead unbeaten streak is kept alive for another week.

Game number two on the schedule saw the two fastest teams in the league square off against each other. The Blackwater Bilgerunners tested their flea-bitten mettle against the poetry in motion of the Blueriver Wardoves. The weather was nice for this match as well, and the rat and elf fans were out in full force for their favourites.

With the Wardoves winning the coin toss and receiving first, the feeling that this game would be a high-scoring affair had the crowd abuzz. There would be no disappointment in this regard, as the ball quickly came to Bendark Mossfang, the Wardoves' high-caliber passing specialist. With skaven bearing down on him from all directions, Mossfang launched a shot to to newcomer Angruil Grimmrose, who was recently brought in to replace the sadly departed Sutlan Spearflower. Grimmrose quickly showed his value by reeling in the throw and taking it in for the quick touchdown. Could the Bilgerunners respond?

With the ball coming to them this time, the skaven looked to their quarterback, Fivel Mausketrap, to lead their charge. Unfortunately, Mausketrap seemed to be wearing greased oven mitts, and was unable to so much as settle the ball down. The rest of the offense proceeded without him nonetheless, and soon Mausketrap was left alone in the backfield as the speedy elves bore down on him. With a timely blitz by Albiir Featherdeath, the skaven thrower was tossed aside and the Wardoves' crowd-pleasing catcher Tsih Killwillow snatched up the loose ball for an easy touchdown. Now down two to nothing in the early going, the Blackwater Bilgerunners needed to step up or be squashed underfoot.

Step up they did, but at every turn the elves seemed to match their effort. The blocking was frenzied as the skaven attempted once more to set up their rat rush. Their thrower seemed positively snakebit though, and again the skaven offense was stymied. In the thick of the action, elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow crashed headlong into gutter runner Piddlepaw, mangling the furry runt considerably. The Bilgerunners' surgery staff did their job well, however, and Piddlepaw was right as rain in no time. Meanwhile, Piddlepaw's teammate Dingleberry pounced on the ball, only to see it squirt free. Luckily, linerat Lamefist was in the right place at the right time as the football fell into his grasp. Bolting downfield, Lamefist could only hope to outrun the speedy elves, and hope was all he would get. Albiir Featherdeath came up quickly and sent Lamefist off for a nap. Before the elf blitzer could recover the ball, however, the crafty Dingleberry had already poached it and the other Bilgerunners were moving to protect him. Once more, Albiir Featherdeath ran the rat ball carrier into the dirt, only this time he retrieved the prize and threw it to Angruil Grimmrose, who then handed the ball off masterfully to Fhorin Bloodmeadow, who might have been home free were it not for his opponents having blitzers of their own. (Relatively) hulking Jenner cracked the elf upside the skull neatly, allowing Fivel Mausketrap to at last pick up the ball correctly. Hurling the ball downfield, it found the arms of Squeesplat the linerat, who managed to stumble through to the end zone to cut the point deficit in half.

With little time remaining in the first half, the last notable play came during the kickoff to the Wardoves, as Albiir Featherdeath was laid out in the mud by an errant stone hurled from the bleachers. With all respect to the great potential and ability of Featherdeath, in a game where he was making the entire opposing squad miserable as they paid for every mistake at his hands, he might have seen this coming. The whistle sounded, the teams took off to their locker rooms, and the score at halftime was two to one for the Wardoves.

After the break, the skaven squad returned to the field with a great air of intensity about them, as though each player had put aside his minor league mannerisms and truly embraced the big-league, full-pro nature of the MMBBL. They showed this was the case without a doubt on the first drive of the second half as they capitalized on a quick snap which caught the elf defense flat-footed. Snatching up the ball, gutter runner Twinkletoes hurtled down the pitch at blistering speed, and the defenders could only watch as he leaped over the goal line, cartwheeling into the adoring crowd.

Not to be outdone, the Blueriver Wardoves reached deep down into their hearts and pulled out another spectacular series of plays. Tanthil Twigbreaker started the surge when he viciously clotheslined Stumptail the linerat. Immobile on the pitch for several minutes, Stumptail was presumably saved by the quick thinking and response of the medical staff. Not about to let something like that go, the Bilgerunners' receiving corps set up heartthrob Tsih Killwillow for a big fall, as a shove from the physically negligible Twinkletoes was compounded by Dingleberry kneeling down behind Killwillow to trip the handsome lad up. Killwillow must have dinged his head off of something on the way down, because he wasn't moving much after the incident. Hauled off the pitch on a stretcher with what team representatives are calling an upper body injury, Tsih will be missing his team's next match to recover. The sobs from the stands were quite pronounced for a moment, but the relentless screeching of the skaven fans soon drowned it out.

When play resumed, the elves began to press, with Fhorin Bloodmeadow streaking to the end zone in the place of the fallen Killwillow. Unfortunately, pressure from the Bilgerunners prevented Bendark Mossfang from getting hold of the football. The gutter runners Twinkletoes and Dingleberry continued their shenanigans as they plagued the elf thrower to no end. Finally able to escape his tormentors, Mossfang managed to lob a pass out to Tanthil Twigbreaker, who effortlessly handed off to the illustrious Featherdeath. Throwing a desperation block through the skaven swarm enveloping him, Featherdeath crashed free, gave the ball to Bloodmeadow, and the blitzer was home free for the go-ahead score.

With another quick strike in mind, the skaven, undaunted by this renewed point deficit, looked to the sneaky Twinkletoes once more. Dashing past the elf defenders but losing steam, he could have been easy prey for Bendark Mossfang in the backfield. It wasn't in the stars for Mossfang tonight, however, as the thrower took a misstep on his way out of coverage and crashed to the earth. Unhindered, Twinkletoes made no mistake and jogged into the end zone with ease.

With hardly any time remaining, the elves could not produce another touchdown before the whistle sounded. They could, however, give the Bilgerunners something to remember them by. After the last play, Angruil Grimmrose delivered a shameless cleating to the back of linerat Limpy's head. While this tactic shocked many in the crowd, it also garnered several sighs and coos as well. As Grimmrose coolly removed his gauntlet and sipped his water in the dying rays of the sun, it seemed that the Wardoves' would-be lovers had found themselves a new bad boy.

The match MVP awards for the 3-3 draw went to the Bilgerunners' Piddlepaw, who proved a hard rat to keep track off all match, and to Tish Killwillow of the Wardoves, who will undoubtedly have plenty of visitors during his time off the pitch. Additionally, Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners, while struggling with the concept of picking up a ball all game, had no problem delivering it through the air with great precision. From the Blueriver squad, Bendark Mossfang showed an improved skill with ball retrieval, while Fhorin Bloodmeadow displayed excellent mobility in high-pressure situations.

That concludes week three in the MMBBL Blood Bowl Summer season! Coming up on Tuesday it's a return to the Bloodbath division, when we'll see the Traumatic Takedown face the Bloodsand Blasters, and the Brutakai Ragefangs as they line up against the Meathooks in some old-fashioned orc on orc warfare! Don't miss it!

A Battle with Honour, but not Humanity

It's Magical Mister Mudd, also known as the "Coach Wrangler" here to report with last weekend's exciting challenge match issued by the Brutakai Ragefangs to the Blueriver Wardoves.
As the seats fill, I looked down from my VIP seats with the other officials and notice for the first time a majority of the fans with Ragefang colours. We chuckle from our vantage point seeing some Orc fans react to the bittersweet sight of non-orc Ragefans (as they've come to be known) with green face paint as well as their jerseys and flags. All that the Brutakai-natives on the pitch really care about, though, is that they had the majority of the fans support in the crowd of 26 thousand.

The coin toss lands in orc favour, and they choose to kick. The pigskin is sent high and lands in the hands of Bendark Mossfang, the Wardoves' star Thrower. He sends a signal to the front lines and the Wardoves slip into the throng of the Ragefang defensive line. The orcs pile on Tsih Killwillow, knowing the Catcher's reputation, but Mossfang makes the pass to Sutlan Spearflower, who sprints down the field for the first touchdown.

The Ragefangs receive next, and their offensive drive starts brutally. While the elves put up their best counterattack, the orcs secure the ball in a tight cage. The Wardoves dance around the edges of the Ragefang formation as they push their muscle-bound green wall forward. Meanwhile, down the field the orc blitzer Xarnak Bloodrage tries to get out into the open. Before he is able, the Wardoves make a desperate play, knocking the cage inwards on itself and sending the ball popping out into the air. Mossfang is there in a flash and hurtles it to Spearflower for the second Wardoves touchdown.

At this point I am unable to see the field. It seems that within the stands the tensions between the orc fans and the green-painted non-orcs have been arguing. Clearly the orcs were offended, but the painted non-orcs were staunch in their right to "properly show their love for the team" and before you know it, we have a riot on our hands. It's an action-packed fight, let me tell you, but the ref leaves the clock running while he goes to sort out the chaos and by the time things have settled down, the half is nearly over! Only a few blocks get thrown before the whistle signals halftime.

Down two to nothing, the Brutakai Ragefangs receive at the start of the 2nd half. Thrower Krak Toothsnapper tries to quickly gain possession of the ball, but trips and upsets their offensive drive. With that, the Wardoves slip into orc territory, forcing them to backpedal to form a defense around the ball. More elves and orcs move into place, and it becomes a brawl, both sides dishing out the hurt. Somehow during the chaos, the ball is sent into the crowd. A helpful fan throws it back in and it hot potatoes around the brawl until finally landing into a greenskin hand. Good ol' Bendyrm Cloudrender runs in to try to get at the ball, held by Rigor Stonestomper and gets it right down his throat. He lays still on the field, though eventually the Apothecary patches him up just fine, saving him a potentially career-ending injury.

Down the field Raziek Bloodrage finally gets the upper hand against the elf defense, and is able to move freely. Given that opportunity he kicks at the fallen form of Mlalyn Firefawn, but the referee sees him plainly and sends the blitzer off for the remainder of the game. The Wardoves manage to get the ball out from the brawl; Stryth Leafmauler picks it up and tries tossing it downfield to Tanthil Twigbreaker's waiting hands, but misses by a mile! Tsih makes a 'tsk tsk' noise, sighs and shows the lineman how it's done, lobbing the pass himself to Twigbreaker, allowing the elf to give the Wardoves their third touchdown of the game!

The kick is received by the Ragefangs again, and while it's in the air some superstitious fans decides to chuck rocks at both teams' #3 players (Twigbreaker and Stonestomper), stunning them both. Holo Axegut, orc thrower, picks up the ball, but it seems the fan that threw it back in had left some greasy smears on it and it falls at his feet when he tries to throw it to Xarnak Bloodrage. Quickly, he picks it up again, wipes it on his tunic and lobs it into Mr.Bloodrage's waiting hands. The Ragefangs' play goes smoothly, but the Wardoves form a wall around the advancing orcs, costing them their last chance at a touchdown. Hoping to join the defensive line, Sutlan Spearflower turns on the speed and suddenly trips on a discarded ale bottle and takes a headfirst dive onto the pitch with a wet crack! The officials run to the still form of the catcher that had done so much for the Wardoves this game, and as they turn him over, it is apparent that he is dead. He had landed on a spiked plate that must have fallen off of an orc at some point. and the pointy end went into the part he needs to breathe with. The female fans (and some males) cry freely and without shame as the last half comes to a close, violence dished out on all sides.

A bittersweet victory for the Blueriver Wardoves, three to nothing. Much thanks to Sir Spearflower, who is largely to blame for the win. Tsih promises to the press that he'll take it upon himself to console the many women that were in love with Sutlan, and offers them all the keys to his penthouse suite. He goes on to show off his new acrobatic catching technique as he slides in to catch a feinting elven maiden after throwing her a wink. The Ragefangs, despite their loss, bow honorably to their opponents before taking their leave.

MVPs for the match were Xarnak Bloodrage for the orcs, for always being there to assist a block, and Albiir Featherdeath of the elves, for his usual exemplary performance as the team's star blitzer. I think it's becoming clear that Fhorin Bloodmeadow is a bit jealous of his partner in blitzing's prowess, but we'll see if that rivalry is healthy or not. Also to note is Rigor Stonestomper, who got the rock in the noggin earlier, found that superstitious fan and proved that he's not going to be knocked down so easily in the future. The #3 player for the elves, Tanthil Twigbreaker, had similar sentiments, but showed it by getting a whole new set of armour that will shine in the sun in their upcoming game against the skaven speedsters: the Bilgerunners. See you there folks!

Edit: This just in! I was just informed that the Blueriver Wardoves have already replaced their fallen Catcher. Please welcome Angruil Grimmrose to the High Elven roster! Will he be able to replace the late Spearflower, or will he forever live in the shadow to star player Tsih Killwillow, much like Bloodmeadow seems to have fallen far behind Featherdeath? As the drama unfolds, keep a close watch on the next match folks!

Elves and Dwarves Continue Rivalry, Skaven Get Officially Welcomed

The Blood Bowl season is finally upon us! Tuesday evening saw the first kickoff of the Summer, as well as several other firsts for this young season. The games on tap were a rematch of last season's intense battle between the Blueriver Wardoves and the Smash and Go'nads, as well as the Blackwater Bilgerunners' first league match, an imposing bout with the biggest heap of trouble this side of anywhere, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.

Both the dwarves and the elves came into tonight's match with plenty to prove. Their previous encounter led to a 2-2 draw, and most players took home a sour taste in their mouths. Each had the same goal; to surpass the other and claim dominance. What would be the outcome? Beards or blossoms?

The weather was sunny and mild as the Wardoves lined up to kick to the Go'nads, cheerful and looking forward to start the game. Just as the kick was made, the elves revealed their true intentions, and caught the offense flat-footed. The blitz was on, and the Wardoves' catchers made a break for the ball. The dwarves were quick to catchup, however, and Dick Gozinia leaped helmet-first into Sutlan Spearflower, knocking out the elf before he could get a handle on the ball. Never a team to leave any question as to their ability to maul the opposition, the dwarf squad followed up with more pain. Eric Shun, previously wounded in a match last season, must have had something to prove, because he was on fire tonight. First on his list was Wardoves' lineman Mlalyn Firefawn, whom he laid out with a serious concussion. The elf medics earned their keep and fixed him up right as rain, however.

After Dick Gozinia had recovered the ball for the Go'nads, it was quickly knocked loose in the growing pile of bodies. Adam Meway nearly emerged from the heap with the prize, but was soon dragged back in. To make it out of there with the ball was going to require superhuman skill. Who better to make an attempt than Tsih Killwillow, then? The nimble heartthrob dashed his way into the mess of coverage and sure enough, emerged with the football. retreating from the maze of bodies, Killwillow handed the ball off to Albiir Featherdeath. Unfortunately, Featherdeath was too busy trying to figure out how Tish had managed to get the ball to actually complete the play, and the hard-earned ball bounced clear on his error. Seizing the opportunity and extracting himself from the pile, dwarf runner Adam Meway got hold of the ball and booked it down the field to open the scoring, leaving the elf crowd speechless and the dwarf crowd in ecstatic, alcohol-fueled chaos.

Not prepared to let the game get away from them, and on the backs of hairy, dirty people no less, the Wardoves set about their next drive with a mechanical grace. With blocks in place and the ball kicked into play, Bendark Mossfang marshaled his forces like a true gridiron general, setting up a perfect pass to Sutlan Spearflower. A quick shift here, a nimble dodge there, and the catcher was in the end zone, spiking the ball into the turf emphatically to get the elf fans back into the game. The whistle blew, and going into halftime the score was locked at one.

The second half started with the Blueriver Wardoves looking to keep up the momentum from their late touchdown. Plans often go awry in the game of Blood Bowl, however, and what on another day might have been an easily caught pass from Bendark Mossfang to Tsih Killwillow was instead bobbled, dropping into the hands of Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads. To make matters worse, Eric Shun wasn't done with his beating spree, and the dwarf lineman positively leveled Albiir Featherdeath, using the limber elf blitzer's back as a makeshift springboard. There are not many ways to deal with an airborne dwarf. Venspar Pondrazor learned this the hard way. When Shun landed on the elf lineman, the wet crunch of collapsing vertebrae was practically deafening. to make matters worse, the surly dwarf, in an effort to prop himself up, mashed his fists against Pondrazor's neck and crotch simultaneously, effectively castrating and asphyxiating the elf at the same time. There was a brief recess as what was left of Venspar was removed by a goblin spatula squad. For those who lost count, that's THREE casualties for one dwarf in one game. This Eric Shun is one to watch, folks.

Time was winding down, and while the body count was growing, the Go'nads needed points if they wanted to hurt the elves' pride as well as their players. Dick Gozinia, set upon by desperate elf blockers, dumped the ball off to Moe Lester, only to watch as the wind caught his soft pass and blew the ball directly back to him. The charging elves brought him down, and Bendark Mossfang lined up another pass to get the ball downfield in a hurry. Perhaps too much of a hurry, as the pass failed utterly and once again, a pile-up surrounded the ball. Time ticked away, and though Gil T. Azell managed to dispose of an elf receiver by putting him into the bleachers and recover the ball, the dwarves could manage no more than a half-hearted pass before time ran out. Once again, the Smash and Go'nads and Blueriver Wardoves played to a draw of 1 to 1. No satisfaction, no victor.

MVPs of the match were Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads, and Bendyrm Cloudrender of the Blueriver Wardoves, who threw key blocks for the elf squad. With a great deal of uproar from the dwarf fanbase, Eric Shun was also given a nod for setting a new precedent in the injury department, with his three consecutive casualties catapulting him to the top of the power rankings for this season. Meanwhile, a modest funeral was held for the departed Venspar Pondrazor, and the aforementioned lineman Cloudrender vowed to uphold his teammate's memory by adapting his play style.

In our second match of the evening, the new met the old as the upstart skaven of the Blackwater Bilgerunners met the grizzled and misshapen veterans of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. The Dirt Bursters, fresh (we use the term lightly) from their domination of the Chaos Cup tournament, brought with them a legion of fans and a roster of the most impressive corpses ever to play the game. The Bilgerunners brought bagged lunches and their next of kin. Showing up of his own accord was the Rat Ogre Headsplitter, who by all accounts had been selling hot dogs outside the stadium until a team he could sign with showed up.

Though the weather was pleasant, the participants were anything but. Somewhere along the line of scrimmage, words were exchanged and the first kickoff began with a broken play. The officials were fortunate not to have to worry about how much time had passed, and the clock was simply set to zero and the drive started anyway, with the undead set to receive. The Dirt Bursters, not perceiving the skaven as a true threat, decided to field zombie Tinny in favour of the more skilled Stumps O'Boggy. Tinny's enthusiasm may have dimmed his focus slightly, however, as his first block thrown against the line rat Gimpy resulted in the zombie being carted off and sidelined for the rest of the match. The small crowd of Bilgerunners fans were elated that they were remarkably not the first team to be down a player. Lost in the confusion was the mighty Headsplitter, who was dispatched with relative ease by the Dirt Bursters' mummies, and spent most of the rest of the match face down in the infirmary.

With a burst of momentum, the skaven burst past the undead line and made a bee line for the ball, racing to beat Ol' Teabagger to the play. It's hard to outrun the wily Teabagger, however, and the ghoul got the ball out of danger. Attempting to hand the football off to newcomer Bahnaynay (recently signed to replace the crippled Dug Nobs) proved to be a problem though. The young ghoul appeared starstruck as the O.T.B. bore down on him, and the ball thankfully bounced back into the veteran's possession. Of course, there were still a half-dozen frenzied rat men charging at him, and the blitzer Brutus managed to knock Ol' Teabagger over. The ball was recovered by gutter runner Dingleberry, who nearly scored were it not for a surge of defensive effort by the O.T.B. followed by his dash to the safety of his comrades' coverage.

The moans from the stands echoed what the Dirt Bursters' coaches were telling them; the skaven were laying down heaps of pressure coverage and the undead were buying it and running. To turn things around, a more brutal approach was needed, and the ghoul Chompsalot spearheaded this initiative by breaking Dingleberry's collarbone. The Bilgerunners' medical crew were sharp though, and sharp enough to repair the damage completely. In response, Gimpy continued his unlikely streak of violence by knocking out Ned Gummers. It seemed not even the elite of the league are safe from the furry fury of the skaven, and Ol' Teabagger made sure to keep the game in control by running into the end zone at the nearest opportunity. The score was one-nil for the Dirt Bursters, but the crowd was in a state of confusion given the amount of trouble the wily rat men caused.

The Bilgerunners had a brief chance to equalize before halftime, but a misstep by gutter runner Piddlepaw ended that hope. To close out the half, Ol' Teabagger tossed a pass to his fellow ghoul Bahnaynay, giving the younger player a chance to redeem himself. The pass was good, but time had worn down and the teams went back to the locker rooms for the halftime intermission.

When the time came to take the field again, the Bilgerunners arrived with steely resolve. They'd heard about other teams entering this league and being torn limb from limb. The only tearing going on right then, though, was to be that of gutter runners tearing down the sidelines. The ball was quickly snatched up off the kick by Dingleberry, and the spindly skaven dashed madly downfield, flanked by a handful of his teammates. The undead pressed to defend, but simply could not counter that much speed, and Dingleberry cruised into the end zone, rewarded by his fans with a cascade of assorted cheeses.

On the following kickoff, the ball sailed out of play, and in a bizarre and unsettling turn of events, the touchback was awarded to big number thirteen, Magut of the Dirt Bursters. Lumbering slowly down the field, this was obviously a bid by the undead to control the pace of the game once more. Helping the cause was the Dirt Bursters' first fan favourite, the hard-working Lanks McBreak, who very nearly killed Squeesplat the linerat. Squeesplat survived the ordeal after the med staff looked after him, but will still be taking an extra week to recover.

Where the rats were failing to stop the towering Magut, a more deliberate approach seemed to be warranted. Posing as a humble peanut vendor in the upper bowl of the stadium, a suspicious pointy-hatted figure leaned over the guardrail and unleashed fiery doom onto the players below. The fireball landed squarely on target, and knocked Magut down to roll about, beating out the flames. No one yelled at that particular peanut vendor for the rest of the evening. In an effort to capitalize on the drop, gutter runner Twinkletoes made his move to grab the ball, but nearly bit the dust instead when his foot got caught in the struggling Magut's wrappings. The misstep proved costly and the skaven was removed from the pitch on a stretcher with what is being described as an acute, chronic leg injury. This will likely affect his overall stamina and survivability in future matches.

Now, the scramble for the winning point was truly on. Skaven blitzer Jenner was pushed out of bounds by Chompsalot the Ghoul. In response, Headsplitter made himself useful and knocked out Bahnaynay. Struggling to keep pace with the more experienced undead squad, the skaven simply could not muster enough, and at last No Guts Bob scrambled out of the throng to drive home the second Dirt Bursters touchdown. The Bilgerunners didn't have much time if they wanted to take this to a tie.

The last kickoff was very favourable for the skaven, landing only a few feet from fleet-footed gutter runner Piddlepaw, who then scooped it up and ran a passing play to his teammate Dingleberry. Sprinting across midfield with the goal line in sight, Dingleberry needed only to hope that his fellow skaven would provide adequate coverage for his run. Unfortunately, the coverage at the line of scrimmage gummed up the much-needed interference, and Dingleberry was unceremoniously tossed into the crowd by Chompsalot. With little hope of success, it fell to linerat Krunch to try for the unlikely recovery and score. The undead choked off his only avenue of attack, however, and Krunch made good on his name, landing with a whimper and requiring assistance to leave the field. Hope ran out for the skaven, and the Dirt Bursters survived what proved to be an unexpected challenge. The final tally was 2-1 in favour of the Dusk Hill crew.

The match MVP awards went to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, and to Stumptail of the Bilgerunners. Despite their defeat, the skaven squad showed great skill and remarkable resolve. No one said it would be easy to cut it in this league, and they may have just weathered their greatest challenge tonight.

Join us next week for the first games out of the Bloodbath division, as the Meathooks host the enigmatic Bloodsand Blasters, and the belligerent Traumatic Takedown squares off against the Brutakai Ragefangs! Keep an eye out for challenge matches as well!

Undead Dynasty? Dirt Bursters Defend Title

A combination of all-around team effort and unfortunate miscues by their opponents has given the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters their second consecutive MMBBL Championship title. The final score was 3-0 in a match that went almost completely according to their game plan.

The game began with the deafening roar of innumerable orcish fans, which was soon followed by the equally awful din as those fans stormed the field to beat the tar out of the Dirt Bursters. Fortunately for the undead squad, most of their players managed to bury themselves under the pitch before the mob arrived, and as a result were mostly capable of starting the first drive. With disturbing efficiency, the electrifying undead recovered from their premature interment and who else but Ol' Teabagger marched the ball down the field for the score.

When their first drive started, it was a bad case of deja vu for the Meathooks as Gristly Slötterhaus apparently hadn't yet learned not to eat the goblins he's supposed to throw. As a result, newcomer Hammish was nearly devoured and was grievously wounded upon wriggling free. Amid the confusion, who should appear but Ned Gummers, and the ghoul pounced on the loose ball and quickly made tracks to the end zone.

As their final chance of the first half began, the Meathooks nearly responded, after a thrown rock knocked Blacky Gobbler out cold and created an opening in the undead defense. Beef Bigaxe used an herculean effort to pummel his way through three ghouls and a zombie, only to run out of gas at the goal line and collapse in a heap. The bell sounded and it was 2-0 at halftime.

After the break, the Meathooks came out playing desperately to close the gap. They returned to their pushing and shoving roots, but the undead matched them at every turn. Ol' Teabagger was thrown into the stands after the ball came loose, but Chip Bonesaw, who dispatched him thusly, was immediately revenged upon as he too was pushed out, and given a serious wound that saw him depart for the remainder of the match.

With time running down, the Meathooks made an effort to save some face and at least put a score on the board, but they could never have foreseen how it would go wrong on them. Tossing up a pass to pick up a good chunk of yardage, Beef Bigaxe was intercepted by zombie all-star Chunk Norton, leaving everyone in the stadium speechless. His teammates rallied around him, and several minutes later the toughest of customers shambled his way into the end zone, sealing the victory for the Dirt Bursters.

MVPs of the match were T-Boner, newcomer black orc of the Meathooks, and feel-good story of the season Lanks McBreak of the Dirt Bursters, who rose above his station, challenging all opponents to play with as much vigor mortis as he could muster. Hats off, Lanks. Hats off.

While the undead were visibly (and possibly necromantically) energized by the victory, the Meathooks were not so disheartened by the loss. This season has been a great step forward for them, and we anticipate that they will be a force to be reckoned with for many seasons to come.

That's all from the Dungeonbowl Championship, thanks for tuning in, sportsfiends!

Night of the Hooligans

The Dungeonbowl season kicked off last night with two great matches. The first match saw newcomer teams the Day's End and the Woad Warriors square off against each other, while the second pitted the veteran squad the Meathooks against the reigning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.

The first match started awkwardly for both squads. Many of the Woad Warriors seem to have shown up a bit shaky and fell down with regularity. Conversely, the first fatality of the season came not at the hands of an opposing team, but from the same squad as the casualty, as The Prince of the Nine, resplendent in his uniform and cape, briefly lost control and drained the life of the thrall known simply as Robust. This apparently served to motivate the Day's End, and the game was theirs from that point on.

Touchdowns were scored by the thralls Like-Chicken and Bland, and by The Prince of the Nine himself. We are unclear as to what the Nine is, or why there are Nine of them, but after his display of both monstrous appetite and top-notch game sense, his fans are certain that it's a combination of unpleasant hells and a mix of herbs and spices. The Woad Warriors came close on a couple of occasions, but couldn't stay standing long enough to get into the end zone. Unfortunately as well for the Warriors, a riot erupted and saw a great deal of time lost and a great deal of fans depart on a rampage to who-knows-where.

Injuries were suffered by both squads, including the second fatality of the season administered by Duncan Donuts, the overweight, overbearing and over-the-top lineman of the Warriors. To the woe of the Day's End, he took down Bland, one of their touchdown scorers from earlier in the game. The thrall known as Tinny added a serious injury of his own, knocking berserker William Wallops our of the match. Lineman Kilt Chamberlain fell down while trying to escape a pile-up at midfield, and will miss a game due to a smashed knee.

The final score was 3-0, and MVPs for the match were the thrall "Sour" of the Day's End, and Ewen McGrogger of the Woad Warriors, who recieved this season's first equipment sponsorship from Ironplaid Industries.

Game number two of the night was another brutal affair, not especially because of violence, but because of the parade of errors on the pitch that led to the match ending in a 1-1 draw. Most of the first half was spent in a perpetual scrum at midfield, as neither orc nor zombie seemed capable of picking up a ball that may as well have been covered in soap. The game was played in bright sunshine that gave way to blizzard conditions eventually, resulting in even less offense. In fact, not a single score was registered in the first half of the game.

The second half was a more interesting affair, with touchdowns being run in by the star players of each team. Ol' Teabagger brought it in for the Dirt Bursters, and Beef Bigaxe made the score to tie it for the the Meathooks. On the next kickoff, however, the rioting fans from the first game of the night made their way to this stadium as well, and the clock wound up running until only a few seconds remained. The game ended with a whimper instead of a bang.

MVPs of the match were Pickles of the Meathooks, a thrower who managed to...well, we aren't quite sure what he did this game, and Ned Gummers the ghoul for the Dirt Bursters, who has followed the exercise regimen pioneered by his teammate Ol' Teabagger and increased his mobility. No word on the current whereabouts of the angry mob that stormed through both games, but other teams and leagues are advised to be on the lookout.