Kickoff Weekend Holds Many Surprises

The Commish here again with highlights from the MMBBL's Blood Bowl season kickoff weekend! Let me tell you, sportsfiends, there were some great matches on, and more than a couple of upsets!

Deathdealer Division's four matches saw a great deal of drama. The Plotzburgh Shankers started things off by welcoming the Greenskin Bumlookers to Plotzburgh Adequate Security Prison Yard. No strangers to situations involving dropped soap and handcuffs themselves, the Bumlookers were a big hit with the crowd. Popularity wouldn't win the day, though, as the Shankers held onto a 1-0 lead long enough to claim victory. Match MVP awards went to Hans Kuft of the Shankers and Manny T. Baggins of the Bumlookers. A true spectacle of raw strength was put on by orc blocker Hugh Jass, who was earlier under suspicion of using performance-enhancing drugs. It became evident that he was in fact using performance-enhancing-drug-enhancing drugs, which we discovered were not, in fact, illegal. This revelation came to us from our top doping expert, who performed the test himself and assured us that "Mister Jass did not violate the code of conduct, nor did he punch my teeth down my throat if I know what's good for me."

Perhaps the greatest rivalry of the day was that brewing at the Slag Pit, where the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts hosted their kin, the Smash and Go'nads. The Go'nads threw down a ton of hurt, injuring several of their opponents, but a cartload of inducement money had bought the Dreadnaughts a very competent medical crew, and through perseverance and grit, they outlasted the favoured Go'nads for a 1-0 victory. Match MVPs were Cludge Slamboni of the Go'nads and Angus Angerforge of the Dreadnaughts. Gil T. Azell, the frothy-mouthed slayer from the Go'nads squad, was also given accolades and a very wide berth for his impressive and scrappy wrestling.

It wasn't all low scores and hard hits in the Deathdealer games, as was seen when the Blackwater Bilgerunners visited the Sun Temple Chupacabras, deep in the jungles of Ghetitophme. This high-adrenaline scoring fest was punctuated by periods of brutal heat which forced several skaven to hit the showers early and sent many a lizard scampering under the nearest large rock. Back and forth the touchdowns went, despite the temperature, and in the end the score held at four apiece. A tie, but exciting nonetheless, and the players on each side showed great respect for each other in the aftermath. Perhaps another rivalry is brewing here? MVP awards went to Squeesplat of the Bilgerunners and Gecko Xtopilopicoatl of the Chupacabras, whose surefootedness inspired great performances from his brothers as well. Mondo likewise showed confidence running the ball, and the youngest of the group, Lando, earned praise for being very hard for the opponent to get a handle on. The bad news from this game comes for the Bilgerunners; O'Rattigan, their mound of mousy muscle, suffered a broken neck and will be out for the next match because of it.

Finally, the Blueriver Wardoves, including SPIKE! magazine cover boy Tsih Killwillow, met the Fjord Rangers on the Battlefield of Good Sport for the division's evening match. The Wardoves were heavily favoured, but the Rangers hounded them at every turn with exemplary defense, including a picture-perfect interception by lineman Valter Franzen, which resulted in the second of the Rangers' touchdowns. Try as they might to recover, the high elves got no quarter from the Norse force, and that second touchdown stood up to give the Fjord Rangers a 2-1 victory. Dellin Finchtalon of Blueriver and Edvard Nilsen of the Fjord took home the MVP awards. the play of Wardoves quarterback Bendark Mossfang was notable as well, as despite the interception, he threw calmly and well regardless of coverage. Jonas Mednick was also stellar in his running of the secondary defense, stripping the ball loose from any elf trying to get by on his watch.

On now to Bloodbath Division, where match results were just as exciting and a bit more on the bloody side! Leading off the games was a dangerous duel at Bad Block Pyramid, home of the Bloodsand Blasters. The self-styled "dustiest players in the game" were hosting the Meathooks, whose legendary brutality is matched only by their legendary appetites. The hungrier team proved the winner in this case, with a 2-0 decision playing out in favour of the Meathooks. Included in this mess of a game was a touchdown by the highly unlikely Gort Crudhammer, who we assume fought a mighty battle with personal instinct to eat the ball rather than carry it over the line when he got his pudgy fingers on it. The dismal play of the Blasters leaves many questions about the continued success of this admittedly one-dimensional team. MVP awards went to the Meathooks' Steakums McMeaty and the Blasters' Battering Ramses. Noticable as well was orc quarterback Biggs McStabstab, who has really put some distance on his throwing range since last we saw him play.

The hits didn't stop coming as the Stargazin' Farmboys hosted the Darkmire Carnosaurs out in Dago's Bog, in a filthy (but packed!) Most Likely Swamp Port arena. The Carnosaurs, co-winners of the Chaos Cup, have become a truly intimidating force in the MMBBL, and the Farmboys needed to dig deep and pull up every ounce of talent they possessed to match the challenge. That is precisely what they did, too. In spite of a staggering injury to talented catcher Dan Solitaire, the rest of the Farmboys held on for a 2-2 draw with the Carnosaurs. The lizardman MVP for the match was Wildfang, who was simply uncontainable on the line of scrimmage. Conversely, human lineman "Hobby" Oldfield was very strong on defense, blocking several skink incursions into Farmboy territory.

The hard-luck Lurkers of Azzilizza paid a visit to the Panama Scourge for Bloodbath's third matchup. This was easily the goriest match of the day, and it didn't help that half of the players were in varying degrees of decomposition already. The unstoppable force of the nimble, crafty dark elves was matched against an immovable object of undead defense. When one side broke through the other team's coverage, there were results - but at great cost. New Scourge ghoul Mook II got himself a touchdown, and then a trip to the infirmary that left him with a broken neck. Even worse was the fate of elf blitzer Zanzil Xenophobe, who was gruesomely impaled on the pointy helmet of line skeleton Brack. Zanzil died immediately and, thanks to the nature of his opponents' recruiting practices, promptly got up and went over to the Scourge bench to take his place as probably the best-looking zombie ever. The final score in this game was 1-1, though only the Panama Scourge can truly say they took something extra away from the match. Some ONE, really. MVP awards were presented to the Scourge's Brack, whose unorthodox but effective blocking also resulted in a new recruit, and to Braxis Facemelter of the Lurkers. Skeleton lineman Billy Bonelegs also displayed an uncharacteristic level of nimbleness on the line, and Drixit Heelgrinder of the Lurkers showed excellend ball control.

The final match on the card brought the newly formed Spleen Bay Rat Packers, a Gnoll team from the Southern coast of the Beastlands, down to visit the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators, the MMBBL's only all-female squad. The Packers being an unknown squad, no one was sure what to expect. When the dust settled, new expectations were certainly brewing in the minds of fans, players, and sports writers everywhere, as the team from Spleen Bay routed the A-Nile-Ators 3-0. Outmaneuvering and outrunning their aspect opponents at every turn, the gnolls played a commanding offense led by their game MVP, Klitch Bloodswallow, who not only scored and passed, but through some key blocks as well. In spite of an MVP performance by A-Nile-Ators linewoman Nefver Timid, the Rat Packers rolled on to victory.

That does it for kickoff weekend, sportsfiends! For those keeping track, Klitch Bloodswallow is the top-rated player in the league so far, and after only his first game in the MMBBL! Will we see more from this young upstart? In the meantime, feel free to salivate over next week's Deathdealer divisional matchups!

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Smash and Go'nads VS Plotzburgh Shankers
Dark Iron Dreadnaughts VS Greenskin Bumlookers
Fjord Rangers VS Sun Temple Chupacabras
Blueriver Wardoves VS Blackwater Bilgerunners

The League Marches On!

No, the MMBBL is not dead, defunct, deceased, decrepit or anywhere close to Done, it's simply been a bit of a difficult time for most of those involved, as our collective place of employment is planning a move and a restructuring. Still, we did find the time to throw together a great playoff for the Dungeonbowl and an incredibly crazy one-month Chaos Cup tournament.

The Dungeonbowl was won in an incredible double-overtime finish by the Blackwater Bilgerunners over the Bleakwood Breakers. A true marathon match, All that the players could really say when the clock ran out was "wow". Unfortunately, the Breakers' coach had to move on to another town when the dust settled.

The Chaos Cup was quite simply the most confusing season we've experienced to-date. Played in a double-elimination format, the schedule was constantly haunted by attendance snafus ( most of which were less human error and more unfortunate circumstances). In the end, four teams met in a special four-way format, with exciting and absurd results. When all was said and done, the Darkmire Carnosaurs and Drudgetown Deadites settled on a first place tie with seven points each, with the Sun Temple Chupacabras and Smash and Go'nads finishing with a respectable four apiece.

Now it's time for the big one. The Blood Bowl season. Five months now separate sixteen teams from ultimate glory. There are some new squads as well as some old ones, returned from hiatus.

Bloodbath Division looks to live up to its name yet again, with the return of its usual favourites, the Darkmire Carnosaurs and Bloodsand Blasters. The Stargazin Farmboys, Ibisi A-Nile-Ators, and Lurkers of Azzilizza are back to continue carving out their places in league history. The Panama Scourge, a new team coached by Cliff Walker, arrived for the Chaos Cup and had a very good showing for a rookie squad. Ryan Keizer brings a new team to the mix as well - the Spleen Bay Rat Packers, who are a team of gnolls based on the high elf template. Finally, an old favourite has returned. The Meathooks are back and bloodier than ever! Fans the league over will be gripped with a mix of excitement and terror!

Deathdealer Division has had its own share of shuffles. Returning are such highlight reel teams as the Smash and Go'nads, Sun Temple Chupacabras, Blackwater Bilgerunners and Blueriver Wardoves. Likewise returning are the up-and-coming Fjord Rangers and hard-hitting Dark Iron Dreadnaughts. The new crew showing up for this division is Matt Stroud's Plotzburgh Shankers, a human team with decidedly looser morals than his true-hearted Fly-by Knights. Last but not least (unless speaking in terms of clothing), comes the return of a team which has not been seen since our inaugural season - the Greenskin Bumlookers are back from their beach league to leave their oily, toned mark on the MMBBL!

From May to August, sixteen weeks of hard-hitting, high-flying action is coming your way, until September brings the playoffs and the battle for the greatest prize in all the land: The Blood Bowl! Stay tuned, sportsfiends! The Mighty Miramichi Blood Bowl League is back and ready for kickoff!

Dungeonbowl 2009: Location and Brackets Revealed!

It's GO time, sports fiends! The brackets for the 2009 Dungeonbowl are set, as well as the location! This year' championship game will take place on the snow-kissed slopes of the Oberklunk mountains, at Midgard Battlefield. While the Asgard Raiders, proprietors of the arena, are away looting and pillaging, they have graciously welcomed the MMBBL back into their home on the condition that the finals match be worthy of a flaming funeral boat or two. And now, on to the brackets!

In Bloodbath division, the first round bye goes to the Darkmire Carnosaurs, who have been practically unstoppable this season, as well as quite literally undefeated.

The 2nd-ranked Stargazin' Farmboys, not entirely sure of how they got there, will take on the resurgent 7th-place Bleakwood Breakers at Most Likely Swamp Port.

The Bloodsand Blasters control the 3rd seed and will host the 6th-place Ibisi A-Nile-Ators in a heavily anticipated regional battle at Bad Block Pyramid.

The 4th spot is held by the Drudgetown Deadites, who will stare down the returning champions from the Spike! tournament, the 5th-seeded Razor Hill Spinebreakers, in the Pit.

Deathdealer Division's first-round bye goes to the Blackwater Bilgerunners, whom many are expecting to meet the Darkmire Carnosaurs in the finals a few weeks from now.

2nd place is held by a bewildered Grenedale Lesionnaires squad, who hold the league's only spotless casualty record. They'll host the 7th seed, in this case the Fjord Rangers who are shuffled over from Bloodbath's brackets. The game will take place at the Linitis Plastica Centre.

The 3rd-place squad, the Shattered Plains Rampage, nearly beat the aforementioned Bilgerunners, which would have shaken up the brackets significantly. Look for them to bring their best game when they face the mean-spirited dwarves on the 6th-place Dark Iron Dreadnaughts squad at Shattered Plains Arena.

The 4th-and-5th-seed game, featuring a repeat of last week's regular season match, will have the Sun Temple Chupacabras hosting the Lurkers of Azzilizza at the Sun Temple, in an all-jungle slugfest.

We'll have match results as they happen, sports fiends, so stay tuned!

Many Humans Died to Bring Us These Touchdowns

Apprehension was the word of the day when the Stargazin' Farmboys played host to the Bloodsand Blasters in the moist confines of Most Likely Swamp Port in the pungent town of Dago's Bog. While the human squad appeared at first to have the hometown advantage, this idea was quashed when hundreds of long-drowned and decomposing skeletons lurched out of the stagnant water and took their seats. Nevertheless, the stalwart Farmboys made their way to midfield and met their opponents, and came away winning the coin toss and choosing to receive first.

The brief meeting had given the Khemri squad the information they needed, however, and they shambled back to report to their coach that yes, they were in fact alive. With that to chew on, the Blasters' coach uttered his strategy to the team. "Make...them...dead." And with that brilliant strategy echoing through their cavernous skulls, the Blasters put their defense to work. The Farmboys offense seemed prepared as well, though new hire Flabba the Gut was experiencing a severe fit of the jitters. Starting things off quickly, human captain Duke Stywalker threw a perfect pass to receiver Willy Dee Billiams, who made a break outside to gain good field position. While Gut was still paralyzed with fear, his teammates set about turning the Khemri strategy against them, as blitzer Owen Lard came barreling up to the line and clear through Battering Ramses, one of the favourites to win the Commissioner's Medal for Exemplary Brutality this season. Ramses couldn't get himself back together without professional help, and was wheelbarrowed back to the infirmary for restorative incantations.

Looking to level the playing field again, skeleton Cal Ciferous laid a dropkick on the prone Bill Hootkins, and while the effort managed to stun the lumpy linebacker, an official caught Ciferous in the act and sent him packing. The ensuing gap in the Khemri coverage left Billiams with an opportunity to gain even more ground, and it looked like the touchdown was a sure thing. Some of the skeleton linemen seemed less concerned about him than they were about the squealing of Porky Hootkins, though, and Dusty Tombs was waiting for the lineman when he finally stood up, crashing into him from behind and doing unhealthy things to his twelfth, thirteenth and fourteenth vertebrae. Hootkins would be remembering this game for a long time to come, particularly when a cold blows through or if he ever tries to play a full round of golf.

With Billiams in the clear and his counterpart Dan Solitaire streaking to match pace, the wily catchers had almost outrun the skeletal defense. A quick handoff from the tiring Billiams to the fresher Solitaire put the point out of reach for the Blasters, but the Blasters themselves weren't especially concerned about the points. No sooner than Billiams had handed off the ball, an out-of-control Sahket Toomi came rattlin' and roarin' up behind, and he certainly didn't stop when he hit Willy Dee Billiams. Reportedly, the now-deceased catcher's last words addressed the unsatisfactory nature of his contract, but it was hard to tell, coming from the mouth of a man whose teeth had fatally migrated to his frontal lobe. Still, the sacrifice was not in vain, as Solitaire remained untouched and arrived in the end zone for the game's first point.

As time wound down after the ensuing kick from the Farmboys, bad turned to worse for the now-shorthanded human squad. Despite having no tongues, the Khemri had a taste for blood, and a very dangerous Dusty Tombs came screaming (again, metaphorically) up to the line of scrimmage to lay waste to a startlingly calm Ben-Ken Guinness. When all was said and done, naught but his armour remained, and the kickoff itself was largely ignored by both squads - the Farmboys were in mourning, the Blasters hoisting Tombs on their shoulders and parading him around - until the whistle blew to end the half.

With the kickoff coming to the Khemri once more to start the second half, and the deaths of two of the Farmboys fresh in their minds, the fans watched with bated breath to see if the human line would hold. The answer was quickly found as thrower Hork Ptah gathered up the ball, and the Farmboys defense began to collapse like a vampire's willpower at a "Miss Gothic" pageant. Ptah's pass to blitz-ra Sheik Yirbouti was dead-on, and as the mummies folded the humans off to one side, he proceeded practically untouched into the end zone to knot the score at one apiece.

No sooner than the grim prospect of a tie game had set in amongst the fans, the Farmboys were back on offense and ready to reestablish the lead. A speedy Carl Trepiaux started the drive off with a bone-crushing hit on Gus Sarcopha, carving a hole down the sideline for Dan Solitaire to break through. Thrower Duke Stywalker made no mistake on the pass, and the remaining Farmboys shored up a protective wall alongside Solitaire to guarantee a second point and renew the lead.

With one more desperate series of plays, the Blasters looked to end the match in a tie. Again the ball came to the hard-working Sheik Yirbouti, and fantastic displays of athleticism allowed his teammates to pile in alongside him as he charged down the pitch. The more mobile, agile humans played their defense well, though, and shored up the few gaps in their coverage, forcing Yirbouti into a tight squeeze that not even a man made of nothing but bone could squeeze through. The defense held smartly and time expired on the Khemri drive, with the Stargazin' Farmboys winning one in honour of their two fallen teammates.

Match MVP accolades went to Bruce Lard of the Farmboys for his presence in the defensive stand during the dying moments, and to West Nile Cyrus of the Blasters for hitting a lot of things all the time. Also of note was the frenzied play of Dusty Tombs, who gave one player a tackle to remember him by, and another a hit he wouldn't live to remember at all.

Spinebreakers End Downhill Slide In Bleakwood

Kay Offwrong reporting again, covering the recent game between the Razor Hill Spinebreakers and the newcomer elven squad from Bleakwood, the Breakers. The stadium was filled with more than 25,000 fans, over half of which were cheering on the hometown team, giving them a nice advantage.

The coin toss went the way of the elf squad, but in a bit of a surprise they elected to defer to the 2nd half. As the kick sailed into the air, dark clouds emerged and a groan went up from the stadium as rain hit the field. The orc line surged but couldn't have their way and only managed to push the Breakers defensive line back. Gan'Rul Bloodeye, the Spinebreaker thrower, was unable to pick up the ball in the rain and bobbled it. With this slight mishap, Eldril Sidewinder stared deep into the eyes of black orc Brakgul Bloodsnarl and in an instant the big orc was in a trance, allowing the Breaker defense to make their move towards the ball, charging in on the frustrated Bloodeye. Once the Elves had rushed past him, Bloodsnarl snapped out of his daze and took his frustration out on Eldril, throwing his shoulder and possibly one or two kitchen sinks into the hit. Sidewinder hit the ground clutching his ankle, and medical staff removed him from the field of play, later deciding that he should remain out for the remainder of the match.

Bloodeye managed to calm his nerves, and, hands shaking, picked up the ball to make his way into the protection of a deadly orc cage. Zor Loneblow, Spinebreaker troll, and Long Bombadil, the Breakers' inducement-paid treeman, engaged each other in a grapple that proved more potential than kinetic. The orcs slowly and methodically made their way over half. Cirdan Elensar laid a strong hit on Gan'rul Bloodeye, popping the ball loose. Soran Steelfury managed a terrific hit on wardancer Fazmir Selefar, who needed some time to rest in the infirmy until the next drive. Steelfury then scooped up the ball and made his way into the end zone for the game's first point.

The next kick from the orcs resulted in a quick rearrangement of their defense. The Kick landed nicely and Elrohir Nolatari picked up the ball. His pass to Finrod Celebrindal somehow slipped out of the catcher's hands, and the Orc line again surged, but again only managed to shove the nimble elf line. Once more, Nolatari scooped up the ball, and this time made a great pass to Celebrindal, but the whistle soon sounded to end the half.

The kickoff for the 2nd half was greeted with sunshine as the rain had decided to dissipate. Again Elrohir Nolatari was back to get the ball, but his pass was off target and sailed into the crowd. Soran Steelfury arrived, and got his hands on the ball as the crowd tossed it back onto the field. Fazmir Selefar leaped into the air, looking to land a kick on Soran, but instead landed in a heap at the orc's feet, and the Spinebreakers moved downfield. Mok Rawtar led the charge, hitting Olwe Nenharma hard enough to warrant some time to recuperate. Cirdan Elensar roared back to the play and hit Steelfury, popping the ball loose, but he was unable to hang onto it, watching it land in the grass next to Godan Rockmaul. Out of all the chaos, Steelfury managed to get his hands on the ball again, but his journey to the endzone was cut short when he tripped himself up. The final score 1-0 Spinebreakers and their loosing streak was over.

MVPs of the match were Gan'Rul Bloodeye for his calm play in the first half and Angrod Taralom who managed to hold the line against the thick green wall of the orcs.

That's all from Bleakwood, stayed tuned for more MMBBL action still to come as the regular season is in it's final leg.

Farmboys Fed to Carnosaurs

Bryag Mudrake once again, with a report from the Darkmire Bog where the Darkmire Carnosaurs are hosting the Stargazin' Farmboys for a meet'n'eat. The game has attracted an impressive 32000-plus fans, with a substantial edge to the local lizardmen. Looks like even the boys at Dago's Bog are wary of coming to this mud-filled swamp of a playing field. Rumor has it that the Carnosaurs themselves are dissatisfied with their playing field, and are looking to renovate it, and getting some advice from the Farmboy handlers as to how they turned Most Likely Swamp Post from bog to arid desert. In the meanwhile though the two teams square off in the mud on this pleasant, if breezy day. The Carnosaurs win the toss, and elect to receive.

The first drive sets the tone for much of the match; as the Farmboy frontline crumples like cardstock under the mighty fists of the saurii, the skinks dash upfield. Even the usually pushy Grimjaw the Wise gets into the spirit, as "Big Sea" Trepiaux goes down with his leg bending in places it shouldn't. Apothecaries manage to set the bone, but he will still miss the next game for rehab purposes. Reedrush nabs the ball, and starts his run upfield, but teammate Swiftclaw is sent tumbling while trying to knock down one of the human catchers running interference, holding up the play. This is all the opportunity Arnie "Are Too" Dieter needs to send Reedrush sprawling, but Bruce Lard tripps up trying to get the ball! The mighty Lashtail runs down Dieter, giving Puddlejumper a chance to snatch up the ball, and run it in for the first touchdown of the game!

Now the Farmboys need to mount a strong offense, and short of the guarding abilities of Trepiaux, to boot. Stealing a play from the famed Blackwater Bilgerunners, the humans attempt a lopsided offense to drive up along the side of the field. A breeze kicks up and tosses the ball off-course, but the kick still lands in play, as the Farmboys try and shove the Saurii off to the side, and tie up enough defenders to build a trench in the wide zone. The play is almost devastated as Duke Stywalker's pass to the new catcher, Willy Dee Billiams, is dropped! The ball lands behind Billiams, and the Saurii start pounding their way to the ball, with an angry Grimjaw continuing his reign of terror by taking down yet another Blitzer, this time Bruce Lard, and breaking another limb; an arm this time! Once again, the wandering apothecaries bought on inducements seem to be doing the bare minimum required of them, and Bruce will also be missing his team's next game. Fortunately for the Farmboys, the human team has learned from the Bilgerunners' mistakes, and have enough coverage around the ball to keep the Carnosaurs from picking it up, although not enough to keep them from severely menacing whomever tries to grab it. With phenomenal courage, or perhaps liquor-fueled indifference, Dan Solitaire steps coolly into the shadow of the Saurii, and with screams of encouragement and threats of violence from Duke Stywalker, picks up the ball, dodges out of harm’s way, and dashes for the safety of his teammates. As the Darkmire crew scramble to deal with this unlikely occurrence, Pondskipper trips up trying to get into Solitaire's way, freeing him up to rush the ball to the target!

With plenty of time remaining in the first half, The humans kick into the wind towards the saurii. landing the ball directly between the wall of muscle and scales of the saurus frontline and the crafty eyes and nimble fingers of Windwhip the skink. Once again, there is terror on the line of scrimmage, as the now badly undermanned human front line begins to collapse, with Owen Lard getting knocked unconscious. Coverage on the sidelines is just barely enough to trip up the wily skink Mudrunner, giving the human team a chance - a very small chance - to grab the ball. Once again, steeling his nerves with a shot from a smuggled hip-flask, Solitaire runs for the ball, dodging past saurii and skinks, only to be tripped up at the last second and land hard on the ball! Another bad block by the saurii allows one final chance, as Chris "Zed" Malcolm runs for Windwhip and tries to bowl him over, but the crafty skink sidesteps the charging lineman, scoops up the ball with perfect precision, and dashes it up-field to a waiting Puddlejumper, who had managed to slide away during the confusion, and is in perfect position to run it in for the Carnosaurs' second touchdown. A final kick to the Farmboys allows coach Kessel to put the finishing touches on human strategy, the Saurii a chance to redesign their defenses, and Duke Stywalker time to provide Willie Dee Billiams with some catching practice before time runs down on the half.

The second half sees Owen Lard recover enough to return to the line as the saurii kick to the humans once again. A mighty cheer goes up for the Carnosaurs, as the ball bounces off Artie Dieter's head and lands directly behind him on the line of scrimmage. Once again, the "Kessel Run", strategy is employed, as humans shove saurii over to form a clear trench for their catchers. This time, Williams is already into the trench as duke grabs the ball, and makes no mistake in grabbing it. The skinks are better prepared for this strategy now, and clog up the end of the trench in a sacrificial play against the human linemen. Meanwhile, Grimjaw the Wise sinks his fists into another human, sending "Hobby" Oldfield flying with a familiar "Man being eaten by crocodile" scream and a sickening thump, condemning him to the infirmary for the rest of the game. The skinks at the end of the trench refuse to be knocked over, nimbly dodging into ever more difficult positions for the catchers to overcome. With one final blitz, Billiams shoves a skink, dodges into the clear, then charges in for the touchdown! The score is now tied at 2-2, but there's plenty of time left for the Carnosaurs to regain the lead!

The lizardmen show their hunger on this kick, as they manage a quick snap, storming after the humans! Once again, frontline Farmboys get bowled over, with "Zed" Malcolm knocked out cold. "Porky" Hootkins tried to escape the carnage to grab the ball, but was tripped up, joining Zed for a quick nap. Meanwhile the skinks are once again deep into Farmboy territories, and Reedrush delivers the ball to the waiting hands of Pondskipper. Alas, Pondskipper's hands must be muddy form the field conditions, as he fails to get a handle on the ball! Once again, Solitaire is close enough to step into heavy coverage and nab the ball, and he fires off a desperate pass to Arnie Dieter, but the throw is wild! As Duke Stywalker gets up from saurus Daggermaw's blitz, he finds the pass sailing to him, and catches it! A brief moment of realization crosses between man and lizard as they both look at the ball, then at each other. Daggermaw reacts first, smashing Stywalker to the ground, as Reedrush runs back to pick up the ball, but whatever was coating Pondskipper's hands must have been coating the ball now, as it slipped from Reedrush's claws. Seeing one more opportunity to shine, Williams dodges out of coverage and runs downfield in a desperate attempt, and Solitaire once again tries to dodge out to grab it, but the lizards aren't falling for this old trick again. Pondskipper trips up Solitaire, and both catchers are now smashed and covered by hulking saurii, while Reedrush tries once again to pick up the ball, succeeding, and running it in for a touchdown!

There isn't much time for another touchdown, so things will have to be perfect for the human team, despite being a man down. Once again Kessel's Run strategy is employed, but this time, Williams is outrunning the defense, trying to get as far upfield as possible to get the touchdown. Duke Stywalker picks up the ball from where the wind blew it, and lobs off a beautiful long pass to Billiams! But with the potential for big rewards, the risks must be braved. The pounding continues as Owen Lard is once again knocked out, this time by Daggermaw. The human coverage is now insufficient to protect Billiams from the rampaging might of the saurii, who knock him down, and free up the ball. With chances for victory quashed, Arnie Dieter attempts to run down Reedrush, but trips on lizard tails and injures himself. He'll be back for the next game. The Carnosaurs see one last chance for a coup de grace touchdown, as Windwhip grabs the ball and tries to pass off to Mudrunner. The pass sails off and lands in an empty field as the whistle blows, ending the game at 3-2 for the Carnosaurs!

Match MVP honours went to Reedrush for his usual standards of excellence, and to Willie Dee Billiams for his excellent rookie performance. Postgame recognitions also go to Grimjaw the Wise for his ability to assist on the face of adversary, while Billiams goes in to learn how to take a hit from Solitaire. That's all for us here at the Bog, where loads of peat are now being shipped in to try and reduce the mud! I'll be back with more bone-grinding Bilgerunners action as they take on the Grenedale Lesionnaires next week!

A-Nile-Ators Hold on for Tie, Spinebreakers Just Hold on

Kay Offwrong here for another report from MMBBL Action in the Bloodbath Division, where last season's Cinderella story, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, played host to quite possibly one of the top teams of the future, the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators. And what a game this was setting up to be, as both teams really needed a win to get involved in the playoff picture. The weather was beautiful, and the stands were split up almost evenly, with the slight edge of the 26 506 in attendance cheering for the hometown Greenskins.

The A-Nile-Ators won the coin toss and with it elected to receive. The ladies from Ibisi also decided to hire on some extra talent by the name of Helmut Wulf, the chainsaw wielding maniac, along with extra medical personnel and some Bloodweiser Boys, with a little something extra for the referee to keep his eyes on the Spinebreakers.

The kick was away and landed halfway between midfield and the A-Nile-Ators end zone, and with that the game was underway. At the line Sand Witch threw her shoulder into Kolark Bonefist, who was caught off guard and sent to the Spinebreaker sideline to rest up for the next drive. Arish Cream attempted to get into the open but as she tried to dodge away from Brakgul Bloodsnarl, she tripped over his disgustingly large feet and crashed into the turf, which was just enough to start the forward surge of the thick Green Defensive line.

After her beautiful hit on Bonefist, Sand Witch dodged away from the ever hungry Galthuk Battlewail and scooped up the ball, tossing it to Ibisi thrower La Nuclear Turnip, who reeled in the ball and began her stride downfield. Unfortunately, none of the A-Nile-Ators were open and when Grace Quirrel attempted to change that, she tripped over her own feet and the orc line surged again. The orcs managed to get some bodies in front of Miss Turnip but the nimble lady managed to slip through their clutches and toss a beautiful pass downfield, to a suddenly wide-open Sun Bern, who was more than halfway to the orc endzone.

With ragged breath, Soran Steelfury caught up to Bern and managed to strip the ball out of her hands, but despite his best efforts it fell next to her on the grass waiting for someone to scoop it up. Just then, the a-Nile-Ators' hired help decided to get in on the action, and as the crack of the chainsaw distracted and impacted the orcs' defensive forces, Helmut Wulf knocked star blitzer Kiro Stormaxe onto the turf, giving the A-Nile-Ators as good a chance as they could hope for. All Tufnutella had to do was scoop up the ball, and she was into the endzone, giving her team the one to nothing lead, halfway through the first half.

As the Goblin Referee counted his coins, the Helmut Wulf once more took his place on the pitch with the Ibisi girls, this time to defend. The Kick was decent and landed fairly close to Gan'Rul Bloodeye, the untrusted orc thrower who managed to pick up the ball and bring it towards Chuck Skudfungus. To the surprise of many in attendance, the handoff was a fake, and Zor Loneblow charged forward, crashed into Ibisi linewoman Nevfer Timid. Despite the unforeseen play, Helmut Wulf saw his opening, bursting over midfield and bringing his chainsaw to bear against Bloodeye, knocking down the thrower and popping the ball loose.

Battlewail took exception to the blatant attack on his thrower, and laid a crushing hit on Helmut, while Bloodeye regained consciousness and gathered up the ball once more. Finally the handoff was made to the soon-to-be-airborne goblin. With a mighty sigh from the projectile pipsqueak and an equally mighty grunt from the living catapult called Zor Loneblow, Skudfungus was in the air, sailing towards the endzone. The little guy hit the turf running and made his way frantically towards his goal, until he stepped on his own toes and fell flat on his face, knocking himself unconscious.

With the ball deep in the corner of the endzone, La Nuclear Turnip had just enough time to run in, pick up the ball and search out a target. Her long bomb pass was on the mark, and caught easily by newcomer Hiss Isis, who took four consecutive hits from the furious Spinebreakers before Steelfury was finally able to strip the ball away from her. The hometown Hero, Kiro Stormaxe, finally got his mitts on the ball but was unable to to escape coverage and took a spill himself. As Hiss Isis recovered the ball and attempted to hand off to Sun Bern, the sharp and dangerous dragon egg used as a ball caught her in the neck and sent her to the sideline for the remainder of the drive. There wasn't much of a drive left anyway, and the whistle blew for halftime. Both teams scrambled to the locker room as the coaches tried to convey some type of new strategy to the teams.

On the ensuing Kickoff a disgruntled Spinebreaker fan tossed his Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet at Kolark Bonefist, knocking the black orc face first into the pitch. Still Gan'rul Bloodeye managed to snag the ball and make a quick toss to Soran Steelfury who broke upfield. The resourceful Sand Witch was able to get a very lucky shot off on Steelfury, and the ball again came loose. As Grace Quirrel attempted to get to the ball, she fell, and the home town boys pressed on, led by Bloodeye who again grabbed the ball and made his way into a very protective orc pocket, searching for a receiver.

Enter Zaga Zig, and enter she did! A beauty of a hit sent Bloodeye sprawling on the ground and the ball was again loose. The only player who could get his hands on it was Soran Steelfury, who scooped up the ball and rumbled into the endzone for the tying score before Gan'rul could even open his weary eyes. 1-1 was the score and it was shaping up for a photo finish.

The next kick again saw the fans showing their love and support for the fielded teams. And another Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet came soaring out of the stands at Kolark Bonefist, this time however the very slow black orc was able to duck in time and the helmet hit A-Nile-Ators blitzer Arish Cream, knocking her unconscious. The kick landed right on the line of scrimmage and a total brawl ensued. A brilliant blitz By Kiro Stormaxe saw him make his way dangerously close to the goal. Steelfury shoved Sand Witch out of bounds and the crowed gave her a bit of a roughing up, but game-saver Nevfer Timid laid a beautiful hit on Stormaxe to keep him out of scoring position. With nothing left to do but scrum about for the ball, the whistle blew. Late game heroics from both squads!

MVPs of the match were Sun Bern for her excellent play, and Orok Deathbane who at times looked like he may do things. That's all from Razor Hill and Dragon Spine Stadium! Tune in to the MMBBL for more news and updates from our other games.

Deadites Outgun A-Nile-Ators in Battle of Expansion Squads

The Drudgetown Deadites saw their strong pre-season play echo in their first regular season match, as they took a 2-1 victory over the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators at Ibisi Arena this past Tuesday.

With the crowd actually favouring the visitors, the matchup was a rainy affair that put the skills of both of these newcomer teams to the test. The first test, however, would be one of strength instead of skill. To start things off, Boomstick the werewolf landed a crushing blow on 'Ators catcher Sun Bern, putting the unfortunate bird-woman out of the match. To follow it up, the zombie known as "Goodie Little Two Shoes" began what may be a career of violent irony, as he savagely kicked at a downed Ibisi linewoman. The officials easily picked up the fouling attempt and Two Shoes was tossed from the match, chased down the entry ramp by the boos of the hometown crowd.

When play resumed, it was the dangerous ghoul runner Klaatu Nikto who pounced on the loose ball, and was soon off and running for the goal line. He'd nearly gotten home free when Tefnutella, cat aspect blitzer, caught up with him and brought Nikto down with a clothesline punch to the back of the head. A great struggle followed as jackals, wights, and even zombies caught up to the scene and began to pound away at their opponents to retrieve the ball. At last, Klaatu Nikto righted himself and grabbed hold of the precious pigskin, at last plowing his way past the remaining A-Nile-Ators defense and putting the first point on the board for the Deadites.

Favourable conditions during the next kickoff would soon settle the score. Upon receiving the ball, the Ibisi squad set about a textbook offensive drive. As blitzers La Mau Meow and Tefnutella burst up the middle of the field through a gap made by the jackals, Sand Witch advanced, scooped up the ball and passed it downfield, reading their routes perfectly. La Mau Meow pulled the ball out of the air smoothly, and before any undead could get close enough, she crossed the goal line and had tied the score! Mere seconds remained in the half, and they ticked away harmlessly before the Deadites could retaliate.

After halftime, things started to get ugly. The rain continued to fall, and the pitch was a mess. The cat-aspect blitzers of the A-Nile-Ators squad hissed with displeasure at the perpetual bath, while the runny, crumbling physiques of the Deadites' zombie linemen were, well, somewhat runnier and crumblier. As the kickoff was launched, both teams seemed content to ignore the point-scoring part of the game and simply lay into each other with stubborn resolve. Perhaps this was all part of the Deadites' plan, because as soon as the various aspects of the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators had been tied up by zombies and wights, werewolf Boomstick made a break for the football and latched onto it like a fat orc child onto a bag of candied halfling noses. Those werewolves sure can move, folks! Boomstick was virtually unstoppable from that point on, and the Deadites had restored their lead with little time remaining.

Try as they might as the final minutes of the second half played out, the A-Nile-Ators couldn't quite bring it back to get the tie. The despicable Deadites shambled into Ibisi Arena and spoiled the inaugural home game for the A-Nile-Ators! We'll see if these two teams' fortunes stay their respective courses, or change like the wind blowing in from the southern deserts.

MVPs for this match were the Deadites' Goody Little Two Shoes for criminal amounts of enthusiasm, and Sand Witch of the 'Aters who played well despite her previously injured ankle. Also of note were Boomstick of the Deadites for his strong blocking technique, and Hapi Golucky of the A-Nile-Aters for similar reasons.

That's the run of the Bloodbath matches in Week 1, folks! Next up, time to see what happens over in Deathdealer Division!

Mummy Bags Two Berserkers Early; Blasters Win on the Road

The third match from Tuesday's Bloodbath Division action saw the Bloodsand Blasters travel from their searing desert home to visit chilly Mjaddersen Skvar Garden to play the host Fjord Rangers. Needless to say, the turnout for the Norse squad was nearly double that of the undead, as historically, the two cultures have very little love for one another. The Blasters were the most experienced squad, and to account for the difference, the Rangers spent a lot of extra time on the practice field beforehand. Optimism abounded among the chilly fans of the Fjord.

That optimism was short-lived, however. As soon as the game was underway, with the Blasters receiving first, mummy Durdurhotep went on an absolute rampage. Making two consecutive blocks up on the line, he managed to injure both of the Rangers' berserkers one after the other! Dag Thoresen was soundly battered to the point of being unable to play out the rest of the game, while Olov Rudberg took some nasty damage to his ribs and is expected to miss the Rangers' next match as well. This near-instantaneous shift in numbers brought about some inspired play from the Blasters' usually suspect offense, with Hork Ptah hurling a pass to Sahket Toomi, who fell in behind a trio of skeletal helpers and shambled his way into the end zone for the opening score.

Down but not out, the Rangers put their own offense to work right away. A strong downfield pass from thrower Niklas Jannson was on-target, but slipped through the hands of runner Gjermund Forssell. It seemed like the Blasters might take advantage of the miscue, but instead they made an error of their own. Blitzer Sheik Yirbouti attempted a block against lineman Valter Franzen, but Franzen simply twisted the skeleton's bony hands until they popped off of his forearms, leaving Yirbouti useless for the rest of the game and almost certainly for another match, given how much time it will take for a specialist to get a look at this ugly case of Vorpal Tunnel Syndrome.

The Rangers weren't able to immediately cash in on this mistake as Jannson couldn't get a decent grip on the ball. Hork Ptah attempted to gain control of it, and succeeded, only to blow the pass to Dusty Tombs. needing to clear some space, ulfwerener Sigvard Hoglund laid out Cal Ciferous and howled to declare that he was open. Seeing the opportunity and managing to focus on the ball over the constant din of rattling bones, Niklas Jannson scrambled for the ball, popped his head and arm out of the pile and lobbed a pass to Hoglund, who charged his way home for the touchdown. Tie game!

Shortly before halftime, the two teams seemed to finally crack under the weight of their mutual dislike. Fouls began to erupt from both sides of the field, though Hork Ptah did manage a quick pass to Cal Ciferous before the whistle blew to end the first period of play.

The bad blood persisted after the break, and all pretense of a good, clean game was dropped as Niklas Jannson fumbled the ball on his first pass attempt. Eventually he got it back and tried another throw, but this time was inaccurate and missed his target by a country mile. Khemri mummy Battering Ramses took no notice, though, as he was too busy kicking and stomping on the Norse linemen. He managed to knock out both Valter Franzen and Jonas Mednick before the referee, approaching cautiously with a bucket of holy water, tossed him out. the damage to the Rangers' line, however, was already done, and the Blasters once again took advantage of the manpower advantage. A pass from Hork Ptah, his third of the game, connected with Cairo Practor, and the skilled skeleton scampered downfield to score.

As time wound down, a few half-hearted boots were dished out, but the game was essentially over. As the final horn blew, the Bloodsand Blasters walked away from Mjaddersen Skvar Garden with their first victory of the season.

MVP awards for this match went to Sahket Toomi, who threw a picture-perfect stiff-arm on his way in for the touchdown, and 9surprisingly) to Olov Rudberg, possibly for getting out while the getting was good. Additional marks go to Rangers' ulfwerener Sigvard Hoglund for his key blocking, as well as to Blasters mummy Durdurhotep for his little rampage early on, and thrower Hork Ptah for completing three passes despite not having any muscles to speak of.

Be sure to join us again soon for Bloodbath's final match report for this week.

Carnosaurs Best Spinebreakers in Possible Bloodbath Playoff Preview

We've got another special report coming your way, sportsfiends! This time it's our newest addition to the reporter stable, Kay Offwrong.

One of the four games on this week's schedule saw the defending champions, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers host a rival expansion team from last season, and a good one at that, the Darkmire Carnosaurs.

Dragon Spine Arena was Packed to near maximum capacity 19,493, with the scaleskins outnumbering the greenskinned home crowd. The coin toss, however, went in favor of the Spinebreakers and naturally they elected to receive the opening kickoff.

As the kick sailed high into the air, the clouds parted and the sun lit up the sky. Naturally the hometown hero, Kiro Stormaxe got his hands on the kick and the drive was underway.

The two biggest and meanest nasties on the field, Grimjaw the Wise and Zor Loneblow spent most of their time on the opening plays staring deeply into each others eyes it what can only be described as some sort of primal staring contest, neither wanting to show any sign of weakness to the other. Realizing that the big fellas were too busy to muster up blocks, Firetongue from the Carnosaurs absolutely demolished Black Orc Kolark Bonefist who, though he is expected to suffer no long term injuries, was unable to return to the match.

Meanwhile the nimble Mok Rawtar broke away from his coverage and came shoulder to shoulder with Kiro Stormaxe, the two then broke away down the sideline into Carnosaur territory.

The added protection of Rawtar wasn't enough to help Kiro when, out from behind the line, came saurus Wildfang who appeared to run straight through Kiro. The ball sailed high into the air, and landed safely in the arms of Swiftclaw.

Black Orc Galthuk Battlewail, upon seeing this, took his shot at Swiftclaw, knocking out the little fellow. As he indulged in his celebration, Daggermaw took a retaliatory shot and sent the black orc packing to join the rest of his teammates on the sideline.

The ball now as safe as it could be in the hands of Pondskipper, who had barely sighed in relief When Orc blitzer Soran Steelfury stripped it from the lightning quick skink and got HIS mitts on it.

As neither team could decide who should have the ball, the line of scrimmage became a war zone. Lashtail engaged in a gecko-roman wrestling clinch with Deathbane, decided he had listened to enough Orc snarling and leveled the orc. After some sideline dental work, which saw the removal of a hand full of saurus scales, A gold plated wristguard, three molars and a live chicken, Deathbane was declared fit to continue.

Out of the pile emerged the dodgey Mok Rawtar, who had decided that enough was enough. Scooping up the ball, he tossed a pass in seemingly one motion. Steelfury, in stride, pulled the ball out of thin air and danced into the endzone virtually untouched. The home town boys were ahead 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half.

Anyone who is anyone knows that skinks are renowned for their speed, and those same anyones also know that Orcs are generally unintelligent, stubborn and forgetful. With merely seconds left in the half the orc kick landed in front of speedy skink Reedrush, Who, looking at the clock, decided it was time to shine. With a wink to the saurus line, they began their all star performance of blocking, setting almost every orc on his behind. With a flash of green and gold and a puff of smoke, as if teleporting through time and space itself, Reedrush appeared a fraction of a second later celebrating in the Orc endzone. With jaws nearly touching the ground and eyes as wide as an ogre's behind, the orc team headed to the locker room to discuss what went wrong. The Carnosaurs joined them in leaving the field after Reedrush received some much deserved team appreciation.

With the score tied 1 all the Orcs were set to kick again. This kick looked good, bouncing mere inches from the orc line. The Spinebreakers decided to stack the right side of the pitch, but the Carnosaurs, cashing in on the forgetfulness of the orcs, are merely did what they did best and simply outran the orcs to the ball. Zipping across to the left side of the pitch, Reedrush handed off to a wide open Pondskipper who walked into the endzone without an orc within sight.

Lots of time remained on the clock, but unsuccessful blocks and a determined saurus defensive line meant that the orcs could barely muster a simple pass before time expired. The Carnosaurs had defeated the reigning champions and solidified their reputation as a top contender for this season's Dungeonbowl Championship.

MVPs of the match were Puddlejumper of the Carnosaurs for his shifty assists, and Rok Straglash who earned the honors simply for showing up.

Special mentions go to Lashtail and Firetongue, saurus blockers, for their strong presences on the line of scrimmage, as well as to skinks Reedrush and Pondskipper for their skilled handiwork throughout the match.

Thanks for that comprehensive and humorous take on the action, Kay! Still more updates to follow!

One-in-a-million Shot Gives Farmboys Last-minute Victory

We go now, live, to Most Likely Swamp Port in Dago's Bog, for our first MMBBL report of the season. With us watching the action is our resourceful skaven correspondent, Bryag Mudrake.

Bryag Mudrake back again, with live coverage from the Dungeonbowl regular season!

It's a beautiful day here in Dago's Bog, where the Stargazin' Farmboys and the Bleakwood Breakers are set to start their official Blood Bowl careers. Both teams suffered some disappointments in the preseason, so the match in the newly minted "Most Likely Swamp Post" Stadium, a re-purposed trapper's market in a dried out field, is going to be a show of heart and rookie skill more than the pre-season brutality we've seen so far. Despite that disappointment, over 19,000 fans have filled the stadium; predominantly humans to root for the home team, but a fair number of Wood Elves have joined the party to see how their new entry in the arena would fare.

The coin is in the air... and the Farmboys win the flip. Looks like they're electing to kick off first! Perhaps they're hoping to get the jump on scoring in the second half. The Breakers and Farmboys take to the field, the kick is off, and it's a Blitz! The Farmboys just blitzed the elves! The burly bruisers have crossed the field and are sending elves crashing to the ground. Still, the kick has landed far back in the enemy territory, and the humans are no match for the graceful elves in raw speed and agility. Elrohir Nolatari has the ball, and sends it hurtling downfield to catcher Tathar Sirfalas. Sirfalas, resembling a startled deer, makes a mad dash for the Farmboys' end-zone. Unfortunately, it looks like he's outstripped his defenders, and the Farmboys have left a couple surprises in the end-zone. Yep, there's Ben-Ken Guinness, who gives Tathar a forceful shove into the crowds for an impromptu autograph session with his field-side fans. Here comes Duke Stywalker, the young thrower for the Farmboys. The ball fairly leaps into his hands, and soars downfield to "Big Sea" Trepiaux. Trepiaux blitzes his way out of coverage, and runs the ball into the end-zone! Touchdown, 1-0 for the Farmboys!

The fans are with the Farmboys today, and a mighty cheer is going up for the human team, giving some heart to this squad of star-struck farmhands. But don't count out the woodland elves just yet! This time, it's a lineman, Camthalion Saralonde in deep coverage that gracefully snatches the ball, and sends it in a perfect parabola towards the Wardancer Cirdan Elensar. As Elensar moves down the sidelines, the flow of play is interrupted by the crash of Belen Telemnar and Bill "Porky" Hootkins collapsing in a pile at midfield! That's enough to give Trepiaux a shot at the Wardancer, and once again, it's into the stands! Unfortunately for Elensar, there were no adoring fans to break his fall, so it's off to the dugout with him until he wakes up.

The Farmboys are setting up some coverage around the ball for the next move, getting it ready for Duke to deliver. But Duke's been distracted! "Hobby" Oldfield goes down on a bad block defending the ball. Seeing the glimmer of hope, Gwindor Felagund and Finrod Celebrindal are off and running! Gwindor goes for the end-zone, and Finrod is heading to the ball! He slides into coverage, dodges free with the ball, and lobs it off to Gwindor! IT'S CAUGHT! The score is now tied at 1!

With the clock running down in the first half, both teams seem to be running low on energy. The elves kick off to the humans, but the ball sails past the end-zone into the stands. Looks like the human coaches have a little something up their sleeve, and the Farmboys manage to scrape up a little more confidence. Perhaps not enough though, as Stywalker sends the ball way off target. The elves move to grab the ball, but once again Beren Telemnar runs afoul of the enemy blitzers, throwing their plans into disarray. Duke has the ball once again, and in the final second of the half, completes a pass to Dan Solitaire, ending the half.

We'll be back with more after a word from our sponsor.

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And we're back! Both teams are taking to the field now, looking rested, refreshed and energized in this next round! It's a tied game here, who knows what could happen? Fortunately for the elves, Elensar is back from his little trip to La-La Land via Spectatorville. Let's see if he can stay out of the crowds this time. Breakers now kicking to the Farmboys, and once again, the crowd is screaming for the home team! Dan Solitaire is heading up along the sidelines, with the blitzers flanking. But once again, Stywalker's aim appears to be as accurate as Imperial Marksmen; about 10 inches over the left shoulder. The Breakers appear to be understanding the limitations of the Farmboys, and are getting much bolder about their nimble coverage; dodging easily out of harm's way to lend vital assists and clog up the avenues of attack for the less nimble humans. Just a moment! Cirdan is yelling out some kind of war-cry... he's making a run for the ball! A spectacular leap over Owen Lard's head and... Oooh, he landed on the ball! That's gotta hurt. That DID hurt, he's out cold again folks! This really isn't Cirden's day.

However, it looks like the elves have really managed to mess up the path of attack for the humans! The path to the end-zone is going to be a slow march through sap to get into position. The humans are muscling the elves out of the way, and Duke once again has the ball! It's off to Solitaire... he's got it! Solitaire trying to dodge out of Tathar Sirfalas' coverage, but he's tackled! HE'S DOWN! Oh, this is a bad one folks, looks like he's unable to get back up. It's off to the injury ward for the rest of this match with Dan Solitaire. He might have been a hot-shot smuggler back in the day, but his record lately has been banter fodder for the sportscasters.

The wood elves are picking up on the miscue quickly, pulling their men out to form a turtle formation in the middle of their zone. Elrohir Nolatari slides past the divot made by Solitaire to grab the ball, then tosses it to Finrod Celebrindal, who is quickly flanked by his teammates at the far end of a large wedge formation. The Farmboys have shoved another of the line-elves into the crowd, and are surrounding the pyramid now. It looks like they aren't willing to punch into such dense coverage yet, lest their quarry get away. And the elves are moving! Lashing out with heretofore unseen ferocity, they're striking out at the humans, and pushing them away from coverage. And Finrod is free! He's halfway into the Farmboys' side of the field already! Man, that's one fast elf! It looks like he's not quite far enough from human defense though... two of the linemen are on their way, looks like Lawson and Hagan... And it's a no-go! The slippery fella is free from coverage, and within reach of the endzone. A few of the other elves are trying to et into coverage, but Olwe Nenharma's gone down! That distraction's all Lawson and Hagan need... and BOOM! Finrod is down as well! The ball is loose!

Duke Stywalker is running for it now. He's firing off a long pass to Bruce Lard behind the remains of the elven defensive shell. HE MISSES! It's off by a mile! Tathar Sirfalas is going for the ball, scoops it up, and just keeps running! Elrohir's moving to the line of scrimmage, and receives the pass from Sirfalas! Oh! Beren Telemnar is down again! Time is ticking down on the clock, and it's still anyone's game! Elves have control of the ball at midfield, Finrod's still within range of the end-zone, and the Farmboys are moving into position! It looks like a couple of the linemen have dashed for the end-zone in the hopes of a miracle! And here comes the pain! "Big Sea" Trepiaux crashes hard into Elrohir, and grabs the ball. He pivots, LONG BOMB off to Hobby in the end-zone... AND HE CATCHES IT! I DON"T BELIEVE IT! "Hobby" Oldfield has caught the ball, and it's a touchdown! 2-1 in the final seconds of the game for the Stargazing Farmboys! Great shot kid, that was one in... a really big number!

A well-deserved MVP goes to Finrod Celebrindal for dealing with enemy blocks in his courageous dashes to the endzone, and a less-deserved MVP goes to Bill "Porky" Hootkins for demonstrating some unexpectedly numble dodging abilities. In addition, recognition of Carl Trepiaux's ability to protect teammates in the depths of coverage, and Duke Stywalker's amazing speed must be noted. Thanks for tuning in tonight folks! I'll have more next week, with the Blackwater Bilgerunners facing off against the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts!

Thanks for that enthusiastic report, Bryag! Up next will be a report from our newest correspondent, Kay Offwrong.

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 3: Bloodbath Division

Another season arrives, and the MMBBL gets a shuffling of teams once more. Some brand new, some returning from hiatus. Eight of these teams call Bloodbath Division their home, and we're about to meet them!


What still needs to be said about the Razor Hill Spinebreakers and their cinderella season? Coming out of the Scrabbled Lands, this band of tough-as-nails greenskins ploughed their way through the playoffs, knocking off lizards, humans and at last elves to capture their first championship. Led by the iron will of blitzer Kiro Stormaxe, the Spinebreakers look forward to defending their title this Winter. Stormaxe was heard to comment, "Da plan is da same. Play, win, repeat. If our game ain't broke, we don't fix it. If dem other teams' games ain't broke, we ain't got to 'em yet!"

Coached by Ryan Keizer. Arena rule: Dragon Egg: When a player fails to pick up the ball or is knocked down onto the ball, make an armour check on that player. If it breaks through, roll on the injury table, treating serious injuries as knockouts.

The Carnosaurs, after a disappointing playoff exit, are back and looking for a little revenge. Entering the new season with the third-highest team rating, these scaly scoundrels are primed to surpass their previous effort and make their run at the championship. Reporters attempted to get a statement from the immense Grimjaw the Wise, who, after taking several minutes to consider his response, uprooted a tree and threw it seventy yards into a concessions stand.

Coached by Jai Gagnon. Arena Rule: Bogged Down: Players may Go For It one less time than normal.

The surprise of the Summer season has returned! The squad that at first was unfamiliar with the very concept of scoring is back to educate the rest of the league on the rougher points of the game. Rumour has it that the Blasters did, in fact, show up for Blood Bowl Day, but no one wanted anything to do with them! When asked for comment, skeleton Cal Ciferous said "they know what's coming, but they only delayed the inevitable!". A team several thousand years old probably knows all about inevitability.

Coached by Matt Stroud. Arena Rule: Rock Solid: If a player is pushed out of bounds, the injury results in a knockout on a roll of 6-9, as opposed to the usual 8-9.


(ART NOT FINAL)

The Bleakwood Breakers hail from the elven realm of Mathora Mista, where they have honed their Blood Bowl skills since times of mist-fogged history. They played only once on Blood Bowl Day, and thusly remain an unknown factor, which is likely all a part of their plans. Thrower Elrohir Nolatari, when interviewed, left no room for interpretation of the Breakers' sentiments, stating that "this great sport has been sullied by artless brutes - undead monstrosities, vulgar orcs, dirty, smelly dwarves, and all manner of undesirable untalents. The Bleakwood Breakers will return a sense of class to the field."

Coached by Andrew Embury. Arena Rule: Stubborn Treant: At the start of each half, the kicking team places a Treant token on the pitch, along the line of scrimmage. This 2 x 2 token blocks line of sight and stops any pass scattering through it. it may not be pushed or displaced until the start of a new half or overtime period.

Taking a break from the usual shambling, moaning and generally being undead, the Deadites bring a quick, versatile offense to the division. Their prowess was evident early on Blood Bowl Day, as the impressive ghoul runner Klaatu Nikto ran for four touchdowns. A slight setback came in the loss of werewolf Come Get Some, but the remaining players, most of whom have such sketchy memories that they don't have actual names themselves, are committed to showing what necromancy can do when it puts what's left of its minds to it. Says wight blocker X Morte, "I'll swallow your soul!" Now that's enthusiasm, folks!

Coached by: Neil Davies Arena Rule: The Ball is Live!: Whenever a player attempts to pick up the ball, he or she must throw a block against it first. The ball has no skills and a strength of 1. If the result of the block knocks the ball down, it can then be picked up. If the result is a push, the ball scatters randomly. After a push result, the player may advance and try to block it again, if he or she has sufficient movement allowance remaining. These actions do not count as a blitz, but may be used as part of a blitz move.



Hailing from picturesque Koldnjard, the Fjord Rangers are a rowdy, enthusiastic sort. Fearless in the face of adversity, their lone Blood Bowl Day match was against the well-established Sun Temple Chupacabras. Their skilled, smash-mouth play style brought them a great deal of praise, and the MMBBL fandom in general is looking forward to seeing them take the pitch this week. Dag Thoresen, berserker and battle axe collector, spoke on behalf of his teammates. "Ja, ve gut sum gut expeeryence tuday. Ve ull jest vant tu git der seasun untervay und show wut ve can du." Truer, more ethnically convoluted words were never spoken.

Coached by: James Richards. Arena Rule: An Inspiration to us all: Whenever a player is seriously injured, that player's team gains a reroll token.

The A-Nile-Ators' origins are somewhat mysterious - all-female (a first for the MMBBL, which is a progressive, equal opportunity league) and also, composed entirely of animal aspects. From the lush, fertile lands surrounding the city of Ibisi, this nimble squad of femmes fatales may be too much for the monosyllabic menfolk to handle! According to the interestingly-named thrower La Nuclear Turnip, "we are prepared to let our skill do the talking. We are strong, proud, and capable of internal validation...though if someone told me that this sarong looked good on me I wouldn't mind."

Coached by: Valérie Cormier. Arena Rule: Land of Milk and Honey: Whenever a player is rolling to wake up from a knockout, add 1 to the roll.

Seventy-two years ago, in a swamp about a week away, the town of Dago's Bog was founded. It's chief exports have always been squash, peat and communicable disease, but now they're adding "Blood Bowl Action!" to that list. In a town filled with folk with more upper body muscles than brain cells and less scruples than a doppelganger in a beauty pageant, it would have been easy to assemble a group of thugs to play the game. Not so with the Farmboys, whose name in fact speaks of their character. The local government, hoping to improve their town's reputation, has selected their hardest-working, most starry-eyed young lads to bring an honest day's work to a town which views honesty as a four-letter word. As lineman Bill "Porky" Hootkins says, "I've got a problem here. No, no, no, I'm alright, I'm alright." Very laid back. Very professional!

Coached by: Jon Roth. Arena Rule: Scum and Villainy: When calculating inducements at the start of the game, each player may pay 100k to hire a "bounty hunter". A Bounty Hunter is a human lineman with the following abilities: Loner, Dirty Player, and Stab.

And that's Bloodbath Division this season! Check back again soon for Deathdealer's big mean six!

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 1: Expansion!

Hi there, sportsfiends! This is your commissioner with a special message that's sure to please.

First, however, I'd like to give an official nod to arguably the league's greatest coach since its inception. Curtis Hunt, the mastermind behind the dominant play of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, moved away this past fall, unfortunately for us and his two Spike! tournament teams, the Asgard Raiders and BloodDrunk Berserkers. Everybody back here in the Miramichi wishes him the best, thanks him for his challenging and skillful play every week, and also heave a collective sigh of relief that now, perhaps, someone else will be able to start winning trophies! In honour of his stellar play and great sportsmanship, A new award is going on the list for our upcoming seasons. From now on, the most outstanding rookie player will receive the Ol' Teabagger Memorial Chalice, an award which includes a bonus 50,000 gold for that player's team! The first such award will be presented at the end of the upcoming Dungeonbowl season. Thanks again, Curtis! Feel free to stop by for a game sometime.

Next, I'd like to thank our current coaches, including those who for reasons outside of the league's control, cannot play as much as they'd like to these days. Keith Dury, Jon Roth, Jai Gagnon, Sandy Miller, Ryan Keizer and Chris Mudd have formed a strong backbone for what has become a strong league. Special thanks go to Ryan and Chris, the former for his unflinching confidence in letting the bunch of us piggyback on his credit card to get all these orders done, and the latter for being a remarkable co-founder and having a wealth of knowledge of the rules to keep me from spouting all kinds of inaccuracies.

Now, the reason I'm making such a big deal over the coaches leads up to this announcement - the MMBBL is proud to announce another expansion! This time, we're adding four, count 'em, four new coaches to the stable! Andrew "Dismembery" Embury, Neil "Rabies" Davies, Valérie "Valkyrie" Cormier and James "Jimmy" Richards join the MMBBL with their first teams - Wood Elves, Necromantic, Amazon (pharaohs), and Norse respectively. We're all looking forward to the style, strategy and of course, humour that these four enthusiastic new players will bring to the league.

With these new additions, the current lineup of teams totals a whopping fourteen! The next post you see will have the rundown of the six teams in Deathdealer division, and will be followed by a look at the eight teams calling Bloodbath division their home. keep an eye open for updates all this week, leading up to Blood Bowl Day and the season kickoff!

Spinebreakers Edge Carnosaurs in the Bog

With the sun shining through the parting mists of the Bog, Tuesday saw the third of four quarterfinal matches, as the Darkmire Carnosaurs played host to the Razor Hill Spinebreakers. The crowd favoured the home team, likely as hardly anyone but the Carnosaurs themselves know how to properly navigate Darkmire without being eaten by a rampaging ultragator. The Spinebreakers did win the coin toss, however, and elected to receive for the opening play.

Despite a gust of wind sweeping over the playing field, Kiro Stormaxe was able to field the ball cleanly and hand it off to goblin newcomer Huck Skudfungus, who braced himself as Zor Loneblow lifted him high in the air for a throw downfield. Regrettably, Skudfungus was not well-gripped by the troll, and fell back to the ground, barely landing safely. The Carnosaurs were ready for such an opportunity, and Wildfang the saurus crashed headlong into Skudfungus, knocking the ball and several teeth loose. What was not according to the lizardmen's plans was the ball squirting free and bouncing directly into the arms of Kiro Stormaxe once more. Kiro was off like a shot, breaking for the far side of the field, looking for an open running lane. The Spinebreakers' blockers were happy to make one for him, and were given no trouble from the larges lizard on the pitch, the thoughtful Grimjaw the Wise, who seemed to be absorbed in much more cosmic consideration. Assisted by line orc Mok Rawtar and blitzer Galthuk Battlewail, Kiro Stormaxe plowed past the saurus line and through the skink secondary, until finally crossing the goal line for the game's opening point.

The orc drive had taken up much of the first half, but the Carnosaurs were the faster team and could still plan for a touchdown before the halftime gong. The kickoff, though high, was not fielded cleanly by Reedrush. Fortunately, it took a favourable hop and he was on the ball in a flash after it landed. The orcs showed some speed of their own, coupled with good play-reading, and Godan Rockmaul headed off Reedrush before he could break past the line of scrimmage. The ball skittered away to Mudrunner, but he too was bowled over by Rockmaul, and before another skink could get his claws on the ball, time had expired.

As the game resumed, the Carnosaurs' skinks made ready for a speedy return and a tying score. Mudrunner was quick to recover the football and hand off to Reedrush, but orc blitzer Soran Steelfury gave the lizardmen a case of deja vu, tackling the skink to the ground and stripping the ball free. Somehow, in the ensuing mess of bodies, Kiro Stormaxe emerged from the pile, ball in hand, covered in tiny bite marks. Seeing this, the blockers and troll started to push forward, making as much room for their star blitzer as possible. When things jammed up against a wall of saurus blockers, Kiro moved laterally to find a new opening. Finding nothing, he unloaded a pass to fellow blitzer Steelfury, but the pass was bad and the ball was dropped.

Seizing the opportunity and the chance at a bit of heroism, Reedrush dared to be great in lining up Steelfury for a hit...only to crumple like a cardboard battlement on impact. Reedrush was dragged off the field, having sustained some bruised ribs and wounded pride. His attack may have been enough to delay the orc drive, though. Failing to get out of coverage cleanly, Soran Steelfury fell to the earth, leaving the football unguarded. In came Windwhip, the number ten skink on the Carnosaurs squad,gathering up the ball and falling in behind a wall of saurus line lizards. Coursing up the sideline en masse, Windwhip handed off to teammate Pondskipper, who was uncatchable in his drive to the end zone. The game now tied, it would remain a battle of wills and strength to win the day.

Some intense shouting from the orc coaching staff brought the greenskin players out of their lost-lead funk, so much that at the start of the very next drive, Kolark Bonefist drove himself headlong into Threehorns the saurus, cracking the latter's bone helmet and giving the large lizard a serious concussion. Almost immediately thereafter, Borgosh Hellrage slammed Wildfang to the ground, knocking him out and creating an even bigger size gap between the two squads. With Kiro Stormaxe getting ahold of the ball, the orc line pushed forward as one determined beast, held up in spots briefly by the brave, but outmatched, skink secondary. Focusing all their attention on Kiro, the lizardmen were caught off-guard when he handed off to hard-working Godan Rockmaul, who burst through the defenders and, as the dying seconds ticked away, won the game for the Spinebreakers. They were on their way to meet the Fly-by Knights in the semifinals.

MVP awards for this match went to Mok Rawtar, whose shifty play mirrored that of his teammate Rok Straglash, and Swiftclaw, who has displayed his development as a specialized receiver in the diverse Carnosaurs offensive playbook.

One quarterfinal match to go, sportsfiends: When the Blueriver Wardoves face off against the Sun Temple Chupacabras, we'll have our semifinals set, and another chapter in the MMBBL's marching history written! Until next time.

Knights Survive Scrappy Shortstacks in Overtime Thriller

No one gave the Pancake Valley Shortstacks much credit, or much of a chance, all season long in the MMBBL. All that changed on Tuesday night, as these herculean halflings stood tall against the Fly-by Knights in a playoff match for the ages.

Valor Keepe Stadiumme was a strange sight to see. The Shortstacks fans in attendance outnumbered the Knights' faithful; perhaps the human team's fans thought that the victory was assured, that they'd save their cheers for the second round. Halfling visitors gladly scooped up their tickets, though, so proud they were to see their beloved Shortstacks make the playoffs in their first season.

The Shortstacks won the coin toss and chose to receive first. Perhaps the Knights were guilty of taking their small opponents lightly, perhaps they simply misread the play, but the halflings got the jump on the first half with a quick snap, and had their familiar aerial assault underway before anyone could react. Cream Sugarfoot, one of the halflings' brightest spots this season, fielded the ball and made his way forward, hading the ball off to teammate Tub Trollfodder. Trollfodder was scooped up by Mr. Tree, and launched down the pitch like a pasty rocket. Landing safely, Trollfodder scooted past the deep Knights defense and, reaching deep down for a final surge of energy, crossed the goal line. It was one to nothing for the Shortstacks, and their enthusiasm permeated the entire stadium.

The Knights, for their part, were by no means concerned for their chances. With Silver Elbow-contender Lance Freely fielding the football, the humans set about their own brand of offense, beginning with a crunch as Victor Dashing drove Cam Sizzlespam soundly into the dirt, nearly punching the halfling's mortal clock in the process. With the path cleared by his offensive line, Freely passed the ball forward to Stanley "Stainless" Steele, who made his move upfield and was over half in no time. What worked well on offense for the halflings would prove to work well on defense too, as Barkley Hobbittosser picked up and launched the little legend, Puggy Baconbreath, sending him soaring over the heads of man and half-man alike. Baconbreath landed cleanly, right in front of a bewildered Stanley Steele, and laid the nimble receiver out with a shot to the thigh. The ball came loose, but no one could get an immediate handle on it.

As the human linemen showed dominating force on the line of scrimmage, the mobile offense began to reform itself as Steele got to his feet and retrieved the wayward ball. Hobbittosser launched another halfling in an effort to recreated his previous success, but he landed far enough away for Steele to glimpse daylight. Plowing past his waist-high coverage, Stanley got into the clear and scored the tying touchdown.

A bad kick on the ensuing Shortstacks drive put the ball in the hands of Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat, who lined up right behind Mr. Tree. Try as they did, the Knights couldn't get to Fat Fat on the blitz, and the morbidly obese little fellow was soon airborne. Right down the middle of the field he flew, and with a surprisingly nimble display of dodging, he was into the end zone to restore the Shortstacks' lead. bewildered Knights fans could only look on with mouths agape - surely they couldn't keep making this play work, could they?

The Knights themselves decided that they'd need to match pace with the diminutive Shortstacks, if only to avoid wearing themselves out with drives that went on for several minutes. Another quick snap on the kickoff gave them the jump they needed, and Lance Freely launched another pass to his favourite target, Stanley Steele. Bolting down the sideline, Steele must have been too focused on speed, unaware of a large ham that had been dropped from the stands by a careless, most likely hungry and sad fan. Steel crashed over the ham and fell flat on his face, the ball squeezing free and resting beside him. Sloth Lovechunk of the Shortstacks was the first halfling on the scene, but his priorities shifted unfortunately upon seeing the discarded ham. forgetting the prone receiver and the ball, Lovechunk actually tripped over Steele himself en route to the glazed meat, and lost consciousness upon hitting the ground. As luck would have it, following up the play was the explosive Victor Dashing, who, unimpeded by hams and men, gathered up the ball and strode into the end zone to tie the score yet again.

believe it or not, with the score tied at two, there was still plenty of time left...in the first half! Once again, the Shortstacks' standard offense ran like clockwork, and the Knights found themselves powerless to stop it. Cream Sugarfoot fielded the kick, handed off to Douche Baggins, and Barkley Hobbittosser hurled the small fellow skyward. His landing stuck, Baggins bolted through the legs of a surprised human defender, and the lead was restored once more. The crowd was going crazy, there was an electricity in the air...but more on that later.

With little time to go in the first half, the Knights received again, but thrower Lance Freely was immediately beset by both the ferocious halflings and the jeers of their fans from all around him in the stadium. Unable to get a grip on the ball, Freely was soon surrounded by Shortstacks. They pushed him aside abruptly, taking Freely out of the play, and the determined halflings surrounded the ball. Jiff Jellyroll recovered the prize, but on his way downfield, the halftime whistle sounded. The Pancake Valley Shortstacks were leading three to two - could they hold on, or would the stunned Knights recover in the second period?

As the second half started, the effects of human beer on halfling physiology became evident, as a particularly belligerent little fellow lobbed what may have been his second bottle onto the pitch, clocking young Knights receiver Brad Attitûd in the back of the head. Enraged by this, the human fans present cried out for justice. An unnamed duke in attendance took particular exception to this foul play, and hurls his gauntlet onto the field as a challenge to the drunken halfling. The gauntlet caught Shortstacks player Fatty Fat Fat square in the head, and as the large lad was haled away on a stretcher, the crowd seemed to settle down, accepting this result as a substitute for conventional satisfaction of honour.

As play finally started, The ball came to Lance Freely, who again had trouble getting a handle on it. Seizing the opportunity, Barkley Hobbittosser planted his feet and pitched a surprised Tub Trollfodder into coverage. Trollfodder made his landing, and to the surprise of all, got hold of the ball, taking off downfield, hoping to score before his stomach caught up to him. Frustrated beyond belief, Freely charged after him, finally knocking the halfling out and getting the ball back. Not willing to push his luck by holding on to it any longer, Freely passed downfield to - guess who - Stanley Steele, who made the catch and was in the clear. The only thing between Steele and the end zone was clear, open air. He didn't even notice the smell of ozone, but felt its results immediately, when from out of the blue came a bolt which stunned the hard-luck catcher and dropped him to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

On the scene quickly was Cream Sugarfoot of the Shortstacks, picking up the smoking football and running like a bullet back up to his tree folk teammates. not quite able to make it, Sugarfoot passed to Tub Trollfodder, but the pass was dropped. It was the Knights' turn to be opportunistic now, and lineman Abraham Sandwich got hold of the ball. Barkley Hobbittosser, fixing to stop this renewed Knights surge, tossed Puggy Baconbreath into the mix, and Puggy landed on target, quickly pushing Sandwich down and stripping the ball from his arms. With chaos erupting everywhere, no one noticed as Chet Jackweed coolly shoved his halfling coverage into the stands before marching up to the ball, recovering it, and plowing his way into the end zone. after much effort, the Knights had tied the game again...but would the Shortstacks simply steal the lead back?

The answer, of course, was "yes, they would". he kickoff was clean, And saw Flapjack Porkbelly pick up the ball. He handed it off immediately to Pimpley Backfat, and Mr. Tree went through the motions, lobbing Backfat downfield where he landed cleanly. Try as they might, the Knights' deep defense could not find an answer to the dodges and dekes of these crafty halflings, and Pimpley Backfat made it 4-3 for the Shortstacks with graceful ease.

Down by a point with little time remaining, the Knights needed everyone to be playing perfectly on this last drive. Lance Freely fielded the high kick, and ran forward to make his throw go as far as possible. Barkley Hobbittosser loaded up Puggy Baconbreath and prepared to throw him at Freely, looking to end the game right there - but Baconbreath's pants became fouled in some branches, and the star player fell safely but pantless to the turf. Freely flung the ball into the air, and it came down in the hands of Stanley Steele. "Stainless" was off like a shot and into the end zone, and the whistle blew. the score was four points apiece, and we were going to overtime.

The Fly-by Knights won the coin toss and, not surprisingly, elected to receive. Much to the humans' delight, the halfling kick went out of bounds, and Lance Freely started the overtime period with the ball in his hands. What didn't go over so well was the heat - for whatever reason, nature had decided to test the players against the elements. despite the adverse conditions for an already tired team, Lance Freely found Stanley "Stainless" Steele open at the sidelines. Mr. Tree of the Shortstacks wasn't about to let him get away, and picked up Tub Trollfodder to chuck in Steele's general direction. the toss was quite good, but the landing was botched, and badly. Tub Trollfodder left the game with a badly mangled ankle, likely to slow the plucky halfling down in the future. With coverage blown, Steele was home free, and the Knights were glad to take an early lead in the overtime.

With the heat stifling both teams and exhausting their numbers, the Knights kicked off to the Shortstacks. Another bad kick saw the ball come directly to Douche Baggins, who was tossed downfield by Mr. Tree, only to land well short of his goal. In a panic, staring down a line of human defenders, Baggins retreated to the safety of the halfling front line, and handed off to Puggy Baconbreath just to be safe. With the sound of Barglesnart Livingstone banging on their figurative door, the frantic Shortstacks tried again, this time to great success. Puggy was airborne and landed in a matter of moments, and once again, the humans' deep defense couldn't contain the shifty halfling offense.

As the heat persisted, several more halflings simply couldn't take it, and refused to get out of the kitchen, where their team chef was making popsicles. To make matters worse, the referees had succumbed to heat exhaustion as well, and the remainder of the match was poised to proceed however its participants saw fit. Lance Freely may have been the lone cool head on the pitch, as he shovel-passed the ball to Stanley Steele. Looking for the stop, Barkley chucked Puggy Baconbreath into the way, but the star landed squarely on top of his own teammate, Pimpley Backfat. Though there was a great deal of confusion, both emerged unharmed, and Puggy got up to give Steele a mighty shove. Steele dodged the blow neatly and turned to run laterally and find an opening. Meanwhile, the halflings began the process of evening the odds, with Jiff Jellyroll and company shoving Tad Overdrest out of bounds. Pip Pieface was next to be thrown to glory, landing right next to Stanley Steele and lending a hand as Puggy Baconbreath bore down on the receiver. The hit was true, Steele went down and the ball squirted free to Pieface, and to make matters worse for the Knights, Baconbreath then proceeded to foul Steel outright, knocking the man out cold!

Puggy Baconbreath's rampage continued as he blitzed through Abraham Sandwich, clearing the path for Pip Pieface to get to a treeman. Chucked by Barkley Hobbittosser, Pieface was unable to stick the landing, though he himself was uninjured. On the spot was Lance Freely, who saw nothing but carnage all around him. Picking up the ball, moving to avoid pursuit, he looked...and found Cyrano de Baggagerack, open and not far from the end zone! That pass was up, deep, the longest pass of the night and in recent memory...and was caught! de Baggagerack hauled the ball in and stormed over the goal line, giving the Knights the lead for the first time, and with mere seconds remaining to play.

As the players took the field once more, the heat wave broke and turned to driving rain, further complicating things for any would-be ball carriers. As the kick landed, Puggy Baconbreath made his move to retrieve the ball...and lost his grip on it. Time expired, and the Knights' faithful rejoiced. A game for the ages had been played, nearly lost, and won by their beloved Blue and Green. You couldn't ask for a more exciting finish. The Shortstacks, for their part, were cheered relentlessly by their fans despite the loss, and shook hands with the humans after the game, with newfound respect and many words of support. Don't be surprised if, the next time you hear someone say that a halfling can't play Blood Bowl, it's a human who steps up to defend the small wonders.

MVPs of this incredible match were Cream Sugarfoot, the fast moving Pancake Valley Shortstack, and lineman Wamsley Wedgeworth of the Fly-by Knights. Also worthy of accolades were the impressively sure-footed Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat, and the alert pass-defending skill of Chet Jackweed.

What a finish, Sportsfiends! And the fun's only just started, as two more playoff matches are just over the horizon - the Blueriver Wardoves renew hostilities with the Sun Temple Chupacabras, while the Darkmire Carnosaurs square off against the Razor Hill Spinebreakers. See you then!