Deadites Kill Farmboys in Challenge Match!

Bryag Mudrake here, following the Farmboys on the road for yet another challenge match! This team sure seems to be popular these days, arriving now at the Drudgetown Pit to answer the call of the grave! Twenty-six thousand bodies filled the stands, with less than half of them having an actual pulse. The crowd might not be described as "lively" but it was certainly animated. The real heat was happening on the pitch, where the opening coin toss gave the kick to the human team, and accusations of double-headed coins led to a screaming match on the field, and a long delay as the clock ticked down before an actual kickoff. The human team started with some surprisingly strong offensive abilities, with "Are Too" Dieter breaking off parts of Sword Boy, sending him to the infirmary to pull himself together. The strong start fell apart quickly as Stywalker fumbled the squirming ball, and the Deadites charged! Their new werewolf, Wanna Little, took the opportunity to race in and knock Stywalker sprawling, and the swift-footed ghoul Klaatu grabbed the ball, running it in for a swift touchdown!

The Deadites kicked again to the human team, this time catching the offense flat-footed with a blitz! Stywalker's handle on the ball was much more effective this time around, and sent it sailing to Willie Dee Billiams. In a shocking turn of events, Dan Solitaire managed to knock the hulking Frankenberry off his feet. Despite this, the human defenses were no match for undead muscle, and Billiams was knocked down by a rampaging Wanna Little, knocking the ball free. Players scrambled for purchase in the mess of bodies, until the ball finally landed in the hands of Denny "The Wedge" Lawson. Farmboys dodged out of coverage to clear a path for the new ball carrier, but "Porky" Hootkins tripped up and knocked himself out cold trying to get into position. Lawson soon followed, and the ball once again bounced madly amongst the players before landing beside several linemen. Varata Nikto dodged into coverage and whacked the ball to retrieve, but his clammy hands couldn't get a grip, and once again the bouncing game continued, finally landing in the paws of Boomstick! There was a squeal from the field, as Billiams put the boot to Varata, but the ref appeared to be looking at Wanna Little, who collided with Zed Malcolm, taking them both down. That cleared the way for Artie Dieter to smash Boomstick to the ground, and catch the ball as it flew from the lycanthrope's limp fingers, but Dieter was unable to reach the goal before time ran out. The Deadites decided to spend the last few moments punching people, with X Morte seriously injuring "Hobby" Oldfield. The whistle blew on the half, and the Apothecaries dragged Oldfield back for some quick work, setting him back on the field for the next drive.

The second half started with a high kick to the Deadites, which was caught handily by the ghoulish Klaatu. The human team had returned with a vengeance however, and refused to be pushed around. The pain began as Wanna Little was downed by his intended victim, and continued as the entire frontline of the Deadites' offensive line was knocked to the ground, and Farmboy linemen rushed to cover Klaatu. The wily ghoul dodged out of coverage, and snapped off a pass to Varata, Who raced up-field. "Biggy" Hagan tried to rush in to set up a block, but tripped at the end of his run, crashing at Varata's feet, unconscious! He soon was joined in the dugout by "Porky" Hootkins, who was knocked out by a crash on the line. Bizarrely, Varata stopped running, and seemed to be enjoying the carnage at midfield. This time, Billiams was charging in to get coverage on Varata, but he too tripped up within inches of the ghoul! Varata STILL hadn't moved though, instead choosing to watch Frankenberry as he inflicted a horrific gut-wound on Owen Lard, leaving him dying on the field. Apothecaries were in top shape though, and soon upgraded his condition from "F’ed-Up" to “F’ing-A", patching him up for the next drive! Whatever drugs those Apothecaries are handing out, I want some! Torch Boy continued the chaos by stomping on a prone "Hobby" Oldfield. This time though, the ref heard the ribs crack, and sent Torch Boy out for the rest of the game. "Hobby" was also patched up by the Apothecaries for the next drive. Unlike the previous medical crew helping the Farmboys out against the Carnosaurs, the local apothecaries were on top of their game! Play continued, with Varata seeming to forget that he was still supposed to run the ball in for the touchdown. He was quickly reminded as he found himself surrounded by Billiams and Solitaire. Boomstick shoved Ben-Ken Guinness into the crowd, and Wanna Little raced to the rescue, clearing the path for Varata to dodge away, and lope in for a touchdown, bringing the score to 2-0 for the Deadites.

The next drive would add further injury to grave insult. With the human team down a man, an eager Deadite fan decided that wasn't enough of a handicap. With a scream of "What do you want on your Tombstone?!" he hurled a piece of his own grave marker square at the back of Duke Stywalker's head, knocking the quarterback out cold! It was only sheer luck that the kick landed so close to the huddle of humans preparing for a textbook, if undermanned, Kessel's Run strategy. The ball bounced out of Dieter's hands as he attempted to catch, landing behind him. Ignoring the ball, Dieter and Guinness charged up-field, clearing the way for Solitaire, who nabbed the ball, and fell in behind Billiams. Boomstick ran in from the other half of the pitch and attempted to maul Billiams, but merely pushed him in front of Solitaire. Dieter shoved him clear, Solitaire handed the ball off to Billiams, and Billiams sprinted straight ahead for a rapid touchdown!

The Deadites were eager for another touchdown, but it simply was not to be. Despite a quick snap that caught the human team off-guard, the Deadites were unable to make much headway against the human frontline. Wanna Little grabbed the ball and passed it to Varata, then charged into the melee at the front line. The end of the game degenerated into a dirty brawl as both sides punched, shoved and kicked those already down, but it failed to result in any significant casualties. With the whistle the game came to an end: 2-1 for the Deadites! Match MVPs were awarded to Primitive Screwhead of the Deadites and Ben-Ken Guinness of the Farmboys, for no particular reason that comes to mind. Also worthy of recognition on the highlight reel was Torch Boy's excellent blocking abilities, and the incredible speed of Wanna Little. Congratulations to all, and I'll be back tomorrow for my regular beat covering the Blackwater Bilgerunners and another crew of corpses, the Grenedale Lesionnaires.

A-Nile-Ators Hold on for Tie, Spinebreakers Just Hold on

Kay Offwrong here for another report from MMBBL Action in the Bloodbath Division, where last season's Cinderella story, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, played host to quite possibly one of the top teams of the future, the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators. And what a game this was setting up to be, as both teams really needed a win to get involved in the playoff picture. The weather was beautiful, and the stands were split up almost evenly, with the slight edge of the 26 506 in attendance cheering for the hometown Greenskins.

The A-Nile-Ators won the coin toss and with it elected to receive. The ladies from Ibisi also decided to hire on some extra talent by the name of Helmut Wulf, the chainsaw wielding maniac, along with extra medical personnel and some Bloodweiser Boys, with a little something extra for the referee to keep his eyes on the Spinebreakers.

The kick was away and landed halfway between midfield and the A-Nile-Ators end zone, and with that the game was underway. At the line Sand Witch threw her shoulder into Kolark Bonefist, who was caught off guard and sent to the Spinebreaker sideline to rest up for the next drive. Arish Cream attempted to get into the open but as she tried to dodge away from Brakgul Bloodsnarl, she tripped over his disgustingly large feet and crashed into the turf, which was just enough to start the forward surge of the thick Green Defensive line.

After her beautiful hit on Bonefist, Sand Witch dodged away from the ever hungry Galthuk Battlewail and scooped up the ball, tossing it to Ibisi thrower La Nuclear Turnip, who reeled in the ball and began her stride downfield. Unfortunately, none of the A-Nile-Ators were open and when Grace Quirrel attempted to change that, she tripped over her own feet and the orc line surged again. The orcs managed to get some bodies in front of Miss Turnip but the nimble lady managed to slip through their clutches and toss a beautiful pass downfield, to a suddenly wide-open Sun Bern, who was more than halfway to the orc endzone.

With ragged breath, Soran Steelfury caught up to Bern and managed to strip the ball out of her hands, but despite his best efforts it fell next to her on the grass waiting for someone to scoop it up. Just then, the a-Nile-Ators' hired help decided to get in on the action, and as the crack of the chainsaw distracted and impacted the orcs' defensive forces, Helmut Wulf knocked star blitzer Kiro Stormaxe onto the turf, giving the A-Nile-Ators as good a chance as they could hope for. All Tufnutella had to do was scoop up the ball, and she was into the endzone, giving her team the one to nothing lead, halfway through the first half.

As the Goblin Referee counted his coins, the Helmut Wulf once more took his place on the pitch with the Ibisi girls, this time to defend. The Kick was decent and landed fairly close to Gan'Rul Bloodeye, the untrusted orc thrower who managed to pick up the ball and bring it towards Chuck Skudfungus. To the surprise of many in attendance, the handoff was a fake, and Zor Loneblow charged forward, crashed into Ibisi linewoman Nevfer Timid. Despite the unforeseen play, Helmut Wulf saw his opening, bursting over midfield and bringing his chainsaw to bear against Bloodeye, knocking down the thrower and popping the ball loose.

Battlewail took exception to the blatant attack on his thrower, and laid a crushing hit on Helmut, while Bloodeye regained consciousness and gathered up the ball once more. Finally the handoff was made to the soon-to-be-airborne goblin. With a mighty sigh from the projectile pipsqueak and an equally mighty grunt from the living catapult called Zor Loneblow, Skudfungus was in the air, sailing towards the endzone. The little guy hit the turf running and made his way frantically towards his goal, until he stepped on his own toes and fell flat on his face, knocking himself unconscious.

With the ball deep in the corner of the endzone, La Nuclear Turnip had just enough time to run in, pick up the ball and search out a target. Her long bomb pass was on the mark, and caught easily by newcomer Hiss Isis, who took four consecutive hits from the furious Spinebreakers before Steelfury was finally able to strip the ball away from her. The hometown Hero, Kiro Stormaxe, finally got his mitts on the ball but was unable to to escape coverage and took a spill himself. As Hiss Isis recovered the ball and attempted to hand off to Sun Bern, the sharp and dangerous dragon egg used as a ball caught her in the neck and sent her to the sideline for the remainder of the drive. There wasn't much of a drive left anyway, and the whistle blew for halftime. Both teams scrambled to the locker room as the coaches tried to convey some type of new strategy to the teams.

On the ensuing Kickoff a disgruntled Spinebreaker fan tossed his Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet at Kolark Bonefist, knocking the black orc face first into the pitch. Still Gan'rul Bloodeye managed to snag the ball and make a quick toss to Soran Steelfury who broke upfield. The resourceful Sand Witch was able to get a very lucky shot off on Steelfury, and the ball again came loose. As Grace Quirrel attempted to get to the ball, she fell, and the home town boys pressed on, led by Bloodeye who again grabbed the ball and made his way into a very protective orc pocket, searching for a receiver.

Enter Zaga Zig, and enter she did! A beauty of a hit sent Bloodeye sprawling on the ground and the ball was again loose. The only player who could get his hands on it was Soran Steelfury, who scooped up the ball and rumbled into the endzone for the tying score before Gan'rul could even open his weary eyes. 1-1 was the score and it was shaping up for a photo finish.

The next kick again saw the fans showing their love and support for the fielded teams. And another Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet came soaring out of the stands at Kolark Bonefist, this time however the very slow black orc was able to duck in time and the helmet hit A-Nile-Ators blitzer Arish Cream, knocking her unconscious. The kick landed right on the line of scrimmage and a total brawl ensued. A brilliant blitz By Kiro Stormaxe saw him make his way dangerously close to the goal. Steelfury shoved Sand Witch out of bounds and the crowed gave her a bit of a roughing up, but game-saver Nevfer Timid laid a beautiful hit on Stormaxe to keep him out of scoring position. With nothing left to do but scrum about for the ball, the whistle blew. Late game heroics from both squads!

MVPs of the match were Sun Bern for her excellent play, and Orok Deathbane who at times looked like he may do things. That's all from Razor Hill and Dragon Spine Stadium! Tune in to the MMBBL for more news and updates from our other games.

Raiders Rejoice in the Rain

With the valkyries finally cleared out of Midgard Battlefield, the Asgard Raiders were finally able to host their match against the Traumatic Takedown. As one distraction left, however, another took its place, as the rain poured down in buckets as the squads took the field before over 24 thousand die-hard fans, mostly Norsemen and mostly drunk. The raiders won the opening coin toss, and chose to receive the ball first.

A high kick gave Asgard Raiders quarterback Egor Longrow plenty of time to get under it, but the rain foiled his attempt to field the ball cleanly. Still, he retrieved the ball from where it lay and advanced into the quickly-developing melee along the line of scrimmage. While the mobile quarterback option is somewhat anomalous in the MMBBL's ranks of throwers, few teams execute the strategy better than the stubborn Norse. With steady blocking from the linemen, Longrow pushed his way past the press of bodies and scored the first touchdown of the game on foot.

The Traumatic Takedown were eager to respond on their first possession, though their impressions came more frequently in the one-on-one blocking battles than on the scoreboard. As the sturdy chaos dwarf line paved the way for ball carrier Charlie Horse, Buster Kneecaps laid a brutal hit on runner Ymir Keldsvide, nearly killing him. The Raiders' medical staff retrieved and repaired the fallen warrior, though with significant damage to his spinal column. The crowd heaved a collective sigh of relief, as no valkyries would be needed to spirit away the mangled man.

Charlie Horse seemed home free at that point, galloping madly towards the end zone. Unfortunately, the fields of Midgard Battlefield are very often littered with slippery frost, and the centaur found such a patch, sending him crashing to the earth merely a yard and a half from his goal. To his dismay, the whistle sounded before he could right himself, and halftime saw the Raiders take a 1-0 lead to the locker room.

Upon the return to the field and the Takedown getting another crack at breaking the goose egg, they quickly set about breaking other things as well. Dead Leg charged at Tyr Warriov, picking the Norseman up in a headlock and dragging him several yards before dropping him and trampling him soundly. Though not permanently disfigured or maimed, the dizzy, bruised Warriov could only stagger to the sidelines and collapse on the refreshment table.

With the personnel advantage renewed for the chaos dwarf squad, Charlie Horse yet again made strides up the pitch. Once again he was nearly untouchable. Once again the goal was in his grasp. Once again...he upended himself on a patch of ice. There was still plenty of time on the clock however, and Horse ignored the catcalls and laughter from the Norse fans, picking himself up slowly and walking into the end zone to claim the ball and the tying point.

The Raiders received the ball once more, and set about their usual grinding ground assault. This time, runner Kari Quickstride was the carrier, shooting up the gut with linemen holding positions and shoving dwarves and hobgoblins aside. Several of the linemen, seemingly possessed with rage or perhaps simply off their medication, assaulted the Takedown's centaurs and even knocked over the mighty minotaur, M. Spazm. With the defense dwindling, Kari Quickstride picked his path and pumped his legs until there was nothing but open air between him and the end zone. Smashing the football to the earth and hurling himself into the fans, Quickstride had won the game for his Norsemen in the dying seconds.

The MVPs for this 2-1 Raiders victory were Egor Longrow, for his precision play, and Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon, who was a tough guy to get ahold of for the entire affair. both teams will have a short rest before playing again this week, back on their regular schedules. The Takedown host the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, while the Raiders will visit the Bog to play the Darkmire Carnosaurs.

Two Weeks' Worth of Procrastination. Here's the news in brief!

Due to a combination of writer's block and tightly-packed schedules, MMBBL blog updates were stymied these last two weeks. Since going back to write up for each game, at this point, would only delay future reports as well, we're going to give you the reports in brief from each of five games that recently went down.

Week two action saw three games played, the first of which was a battle between the stalwart Smash and Go'nads and the highly unfortunate Muenster Valley Stinkers.
When all was said and done, the score was a surprisingly narrow victory for the Go'nads, 3-2, with the winning touchdown coming very late in the second half. Stu Padasso, Adam Meway and Moe Lester scored for the dwarves, while Nudgy Bangfart and Donker Dungheap earned the goblin squad's points. MVPs were Stu Padasso and Windmill Widegut. Widegut also suffered a serious injury in the second half, and will miss the next game as a result.

Second on the card was a match between the highly-favoured Blueriver Wardoves and the newcomers of the Sun Temple Chupacabras.
The hometown team beat the odds and came out with a 3-2 victory of the Wardoves. Touchdowns for the lizardmen were scored by Pablo, Harpo and Sue Xtopilopicoatl, while Fhorin Bloodmeadow and Albiir Featherdeath put points up for the elves. MVP awards went to El Mucho Grande, saurus of the Chupacabras, and Fhorin Bloodmeadow, the Wardoves blitzer. Tanthil Twigbreaker suffered an undisclosed but non-serious injury, and will be resting up during the Wardoves' upcoming second game.

The third and final match of week two pitted the speedy skaven of the Blackwater Bilgerunners against the rowdy chaos forces of the BloodDrunk Berserkers. We did manage to get this report in from one of our skaven correspondents, and here's the wire from the Tidybowl now.
Tonight's match was the inaugural meet at the Bilgerunners Tidybowl, and the cool dank air that passes for a nice day in the city cisterns greeted nearly twenty thousand rabid fans. Fresh off their preseason matches, the Blackwater Bilgerunners took to the field with professional confidence, flanked by their new assistant coach and cheerleading team. Facing them would be the chaotic BloodDrunk Berserkers, resplendent in their spiked crimson armor, and snarling in defiance.

As the Chaos Warriors kicked to the Skaven team, it appears the Bilgerunners' new assistant coach was already earning his keep. With O'Rattigan roaring and pounding through the front lines, Skaven captain Fivel Mausketrap scooped up the ball, lobbing the pass off to Twinkletoes. Breaking through the newly opened hole in the Berserker defenses, Twinkletoes sprinted into the end zone in a textbook Rat Rush. The Bilgerunners looked to have all the breaks so far, could the Berserkers respond?

The answer came in the sound of diesel fueled mayhem as Max Spleenripper took to the line of scrimmage. Once again the coaching staff of the Bilgerunners were at their peak, and the ball sailed off to rest in a far corner of the Chaos field. Brilliant coaching was no match for the spinning chromite teeth however, as Max tore into O'Rattigan with his trusty chainsaw. First blood had been spilled, and the rat ogre was sent to the infimary for the rest of the match. Apparently, brute force was an excellent response to speed and skill in this league, as braying beastmen Skin Shredder and Gutripper knocked the sense out of Gurglergasp and Gimpy respectively. Meanwhile, Warheart had fetched the ball, and was quickly surrounded by his fellow beastmen and chaos warriors, setting up a strong defensive cage that moved cautiously upfield.

The steady march of the Chaos team was almost overshadowed by the mixed brawls on the field. At one point, the chain on Max Spleenripper's saw snapped, stunning him breifly. It's hard to keep a good maniac down for long, as he recovered enough to clobber Stumptail with the chainsaw's heavy gearbox. The clock was running down, and the Chaos team was approaching the end zone. Warheart, apparently bored with the steady coverage of the advancing cage, broke loose for a blitz, stunning one of the storm vermin. The opening was just enough for Krunch to throw a desperate block at Warheart. Both dropped and the ball rolled back towards Chaos Warrior Ozz Painkiller, who retrieved it handily. Painkiller slipped towards the sidelines, letting the spread of his team-makes tie up the skaven defenders. But once again, courage or desperation seized the skaven, this time in the form of Squeesplat, who, breaking free from Cardo Starbreaker at midfield, crashed into the mighty Painkiller, knocking the ball to Twinkletoes. With a few final punches, the whistle was blown on the first half, and a relieved cheer went up from the skaven fans as Max Spleenripper left the field.

It was the Chaos fans that would be cheering after the halftime however, as once again Max Spleenripper took to the field! Apparently the referee was more interested in his own well-being than a clean game. As usual, the coaching was flawless for the skaven, but the kick was not, nearly landing in the hands of Ozz Painkiller. Max was up to his usual mayhem on the front line, and it wasn't long before Jenner was clocked by the flat of the chainsaw, and had to be dragged off the pitch.

Painkiller picked up the ball, and once again, a defensive cage gathered around him. The Bilgerunners mounted another effort to breach the Chaos defenses, with Fivel Mausketrap even managing to knock Skin Shredder unconscious. But the Chaos team was ready for these moves, and inflicted greater casualties, with beastman Face Eater sending Krunch off for a nap, and Max sending a heavily bleeding Brutus to the infirmary. Nimble-fingered apothecaries were standing by however, stitching him up expertly for the next drive. With few of the rats left to challenge him, Ozz strode over the finish line to the raucous cheers of the Chaos fans, and Max was finally ejected from the stadium for good.

The chaos team had definitely knocked the wind out of the Bilgerunner sails, as the latter team took to the pitch looking exhausted. The Berserkers kicked the ball just behind the line of scrimmage, to be scooped up by Fivel, throwing the ball laterally to Twinkletoes. The catch was fumbled however, and the ball proceeded to bounce wildly in the scrum at mid-field. Neither skaven nor beastman could get a grip on the slippery skin. Finally, the ball bounced it's way back to Twinkletoes, who was off in a flash across the field to a hole in the line, his fellow gutter runners running interference. With the clock running down, the forces of Chaos expertly tied up any would-be rescuers at midfield, and penned in the advance. Making one last desperate attempt, Twinkletoes attempted to pass off the ball to Piddlepaw, but the ball was fumbled, and a final horn ended the game, knotted at one to one.

A well deserved MVP was awarded to Ozz Painkiller in recognition of his excellent plays and strong blocking, and one to Brutus for assisting his team-mates on the front line. An excellent showing for the BloodDrunk Berserkers in their first match of their young history, to be sure. The Bilgerunners, however, will have the pressure on for their next matches, needing more than ties to keep pace with the league's elite.

On now to the action from week three. Two of the three scheduled games took place, with the Fly-by Knights visiting the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, and the Darkmire Carnosaurs hosting the Pancake valley Shortstacks. The third match, seeing the Traumatic Takedown play the Asgard Raiders at Midgard Battlefield, was delayed on account of Valkyrie interference, and will be played as soon as the meddlesome battlemaidens stop trying to carry the players off the pitch.
The highest attendance so far this season was only the beginning for this match. before the game was even kicked off, the teams needed to be pulled apart as a riot nearly erupted in the pregame warm-ups. Two touchdowns, a handful of casualties and a pitch invasion later, the Knights emerged victorious with a 2-0 win. Points were scored by the explosive Victor Dashing, and later from a surprising effort from lineman Solomon Squatz, who was awarded the MVP award for the humans. Kiro Stormaxe, the latest greenskin phenom in the MMBBL, received the honour for the Spinebreakers. After the match, the orcs needed to fill a gap left by Kolark Bonefist who will be missing a game with an injury, thought all they managed to find was a goblin named Huck Skudfungus, who will likely play the role of projectile.
Game two resulted in an impressive 3-0 victory for the Darkmire Carnosaurs over the Pancake Valley Shortstacks. Skinks Reedrush, Puddlejumper and Mudrunner each scored for the lizardmen, And while the saurus players were uncharacteristically gentle, the halflings managed to sustain three serious injuries. As a result, Pimpley Backfat, Sloth Lovechunk and Cream Sugarfoot will each be missing the Shortstacks' next contest. Pip Pieface did manage to get out alive with the MVP award for his team, while Threehorns of the Carnosaurs earned the accolades for his squad.

And so you're up to date, sportsfiends, however slapdash it may be. What's important is that there's more action happening tonight! Week four is upon us and it's shaping up to be a real doozy!

Elves and Skaven Explode with Offense; Dwarf Simply Explodes

After an unavoidable delay, here at last are the results of week three's matchups in the Deathdealer division. One game was a battle of incredible speed and agility, while the other was more notable for the wide assortment of smells involved.

The first match saw the ever-dangerous Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters defend their incredible unbeaten streak against the down but determined forces of the Smash and Go'nads. Despite a slow start, the Go'nads have been a great physical force in the MMBBL this season, led by the brutal, smash-mouth play of lineman Eric Shun, whose hard, unyielding style of play garnered an impressive three casualties in his first game of the season. What can be said about the Dirt Bursters, those marching, moaning, magnificent monsters of the gridiron, which has not already been said? They may not have been born ready, but they certainly died ready. In an attempt to gain an edge over the undead, the Go'nads hired on Barik Farblast, inventor of the Farblast 5000 Passing Machine, and had also bribed enough officials to ensure that the wily dwarf would be able to play the entire match without ejection. The Dirt Bursters also signed skeleton Clackers Rattlehead to an entry-level contract.

With the sun shining and the crowd roaring, the Dirt Bursters were set to receive first. With calculated, almost mechanical resolve, the undead showed their quality amid the screaming of the fans, with superb blocks by the offensive line establishing a running corridor for ghoul Ned Gummers. Gummers charged out of midfield and was home free from dwarf coverage, until a bolt of lightning from the upper deck flashed towards him, intent on stopping the runner cold. With an athleticism and poise unheard of in the ranks of the deceased, Gummers dodged pure lightning and strode in for the touchdown, free of harm. Needless to say, the dwarves and their fans were stunned.

As the Smash and Go'nads prepared for their first offensive drive, a Dirt Bursters fan, responding in kind for the attack on his team's runner, hurled a nearby skeleton fan's head at the Go'nads' main distributor of pain, Eric Shun, knocking the dwarf face-down on the pitch. The ball was kicked off anyway, and Barik Farblast made his move to retrieve it. After Farblast's pass to runner Dick Gozinia was good, the latter found himself quickly set upon by Dirt Bursters' star player, Ol' Teabagger. Unable to avoid The Man's coverage, Gozinia went down and the ghoul recovered the rock. Storming towards the end zone, Ol' Teabagger demonstrated that not every moment in a great player's career is memorable, as he caught his foot on the stray skull tossed in earlier and crashed in a heap at the goal line. The dwarves were hard-pressed to retrieve the lost ball, and sure enough, more ghouls came out of the woodwork to try for the score. Ned Gummers made his approach first and threw the ball laterally to teammate Chompsalot, who then streaked towards the end zone. He never made it there, however, as a blatant, unmistakable foul ended the Dirt Bursters' drive immediately thereafter. Zombie Stumps O'Boggy, apparently sick of hearing about the exploits of Eric Shun, descended upon the dwarf lineman with a powerful punch which shattered the dwarf's teeth. The zombie's fist did not stop there, however, but kept going down the dwarf's throat. Then, in one swift motion, O'Boggy wrenched his arm free, bringing with it assorted organs of varying degrees of importance. Disheartened, winded, and all-around gutless, the once-celebrated Eric Shun collapsed to the ground, dead. O'Boggy was ejected fro the foul, though the damage had been done to both the opponent, and to their fanbase. The second half ended, and the dwarves retreated to their locker room to regroup.

With the second half underway, the Smash and Go'nads chose to implement a new, stingy offensive structure which would prevent their opponent from even coming close to the ball. The plan was working well, and the Dirt Bursters found themselves lacking space in the infirmary as the dwarves were knocking them unconscious left and right. At the height of the carnage, six undead players were asleep in the dugout, and the dwarves had complete control of the field. The winds of chance are fickle, though, and can turn a sweet Summer breeze into a chaotic tornado in a heartbeat. The storm in question arrived when Ol' Teabagger, committed to redeeming his earlier gaffe, dodged through the dwarf coverage and broke free towards Barik Farblast, who had been calmly surveying the field. Farblast was blindsided by the hit and the O.T.B. scooped up the lost ball and carried it in for the touchdown.

With little time remaining for a comeback, the Smash and Go'nads were driven only by revenge. Not one of the unconscious Dirt Bursters players had awakened, and the game looked as though it would finish badly for anyone without a beard. Sensing this, perhaps, were the remaining Dirt Bursters players, and they began to taunt and goad the dwarves as they came onto the pitch. With careful ego prodding and rampant bragging about the probability of the late Eric Shun joining the undead team, the Dirt Bursters incited a riot among the two teams and carefully took their lumps while the clock continued to run down. The final whistle blew and the dwarves were shocked to find them selves denied even the bittersweet taste of vengeance. In the chaos, the undead had sent their assistant coaches across the field to retrieve the remains of Eric Shun, and after a brief ritual the newly-minted zombie rose to take his place on the Dusk Hill team's roster. The final score was two to nothing for the undead, but the toll seemed far greater in the hearts of the dwarven faithful.

The match MVP awards were presented to Stumps O'Boggy, whose deliberate and guiltless foul not only eliminated the dwarves' biggest threat, but also resulted in a new teammate for the Dirt Bursters, and to Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads, who has vowed to honour the loss of his teammate by wearing the number three from now on. Also earning a nod was the play of Ned Gummers, whose running ability has been highlighted by his will to go the extra mile. The undead unbeaten streak is kept alive for another week.

Game number two on the schedule saw the two fastest teams in the league square off against each other. The Blackwater Bilgerunners tested their flea-bitten mettle against the poetry in motion of the Blueriver Wardoves. The weather was nice for this match as well, and the rat and elf fans were out in full force for their favourites.

With the Wardoves winning the coin toss and receiving first, the feeling that this game would be a high-scoring affair had the crowd abuzz. There would be no disappointment in this regard, as the ball quickly came to Bendark Mossfang, the Wardoves' high-caliber passing specialist. With skaven bearing down on him from all directions, Mossfang launched a shot to to newcomer Angruil Grimmrose, who was recently brought in to replace the sadly departed Sutlan Spearflower. Grimmrose quickly showed his value by reeling in the throw and taking it in for the quick touchdown. Could the Bilgerunners respond?

With the ball coming to them this time, the skaven looked to their quarterback, Fivel Mausketrap, to lead their charge. Unfortunately, Mausketrap seemed to be wearing greased oven mitts, and was unable to so much as settle the ball down. The rest of the offense proceeded without him nonetheless, and soon Mausketrap was left alone in the backfield as the speedy elves bore down on him. With a timely blitz by Albiir Featherdeath, the skaven thrower was tossed aside and the Wardoves' crowd-pleasing catcher Tsih Killwillow snatched up the loose ball for an easy touchdown. Now down two to nothing in the early going, the Blackwater Bilgerunners needed to step up or be squashed underfoot.

Step up they did, but at every turn the elves seemed to match their effort. The blocking was frenzied as the skaven attempted once more to set up their rat rush. Their thrower seemed positively snakebit though, and again the skaven offense was stymied. In the thick of the action, elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow crashed headlong into gutter runner Piddlepaw, mangling the furry runt considerably. The Bilgerunners' surgery staff did their job well, however, and Piddlepaw was right as rain in no time. Meanwhile, Piddlepaw's teammate Dingleberry pounced on the ball, only to see it squirt free. Luckily, linerat Lamefist was in the right place at the right time as the football fell into his grasp. Bolting downfield, Lamefist could only hope to outrun the speedy elves, and hope was all he would get. Albiir Featherdeath came up quickly and sent Lamefist off for a nap. Before the elf blitzer could recover the ball, however, the crafty Dingleberry had already poached it and the other Bilgerunners were moving to protect him. Once more, Albiir Featherdeath ran the rat ball carrier into the dirt, only this time he retrieved the prize and threw it to Angruil Grimmrose, who then handed the ball off masterfully to Fhorin Bloodmeadow, who might have been home free were it not for his opponents having blitzers of their own. (Relatively) hulking Jenner cracked the elf upside the skull neatly, allowing Fivel Mausketrap to at last pick up the ball correctly. Hurling the ball downfield, it found the arms of Squeesplat the linerat, who managed to stumble through to the end zone to cut the point deficit in half.

With little time remaining in the first half, the last notable play came during the kickoff to the Wardoves, as Albiir Featherdeath was laid out in the mud by an errant stone hurled from the bleachers. With all respect to the great potential and ability of Featherdeath, in a game where he was making the entire opposing squad miserable as they paid for every mistake at his hands, he might have seen this coming. The whistle sounded, the teams took off to their locker rooms, and the score at halftime was two to one for the Wardoves.

After the break, the skaven squad returned to the field with a great air of intensity about them, as though each player had put aside his minor league mannerisms and truly embraced the big-league, full-pro nature of the MMBBL. They showed this was the case without a doubt on the first drive of the second half as they capitalized on a quick snap which caught the elf defense flat-footed. Snatching up the ball, gutter runner Twinkletoes hurtled down the pitch at blistering speed, and the defenders could only watch as he leaped over the goal line, cartwheeling into the adoring crowd.

Not to be outdone, the Blueriver Wardoves reached deep down into their hearts and pulled out another spectacular series of plays. Tanthil Twigbreaker started the surge when he viciously clotheslined Stumptail the linerat. Immobile on the pitch for several minutes, Stumptail was presumably saved by the quick thinking and response of the medical staff. Not about to let something like that go, the Bilgerunners' receiving corps set up heartthrob Tsih Killwillow for a big fall, as a shove from the physically negligible Twinkletoes was compounded by Dingleberry kneeling down behind Killwillow to trip the handsome lad up. Killwillow must have dinged his head off of something on the way down, because he wasn't moving much after the incident. Hauled off the pitch on a stretcher with what team representatives are calling an upper body injury, Tsih will be missing his team's next match to recover. The sobs from the stands were quite pronounced for a moment, but the relentless screeching of the skaven fans soon drowned it out.

When play resumed, the elves began to press, with Fhorin Bloodmeadow streaking to the end zone in the place of the fallen Killwillow. Unfortunately, pressure from the Bilgerunners prevented Bendark Mossfang from getting hold of the football. The gutter runners Twinkletoes and Dingleberry continued their shenanigans as they plagued the elf thrower to no end. Finally able to escape his tormentors, Mossfang managed to lob a pass out to Tanthil Twigbreaker, who effortlessly handed off to the illustrious Featherdeath. Throwing a desperation block through the skaven swarm enveloping him, Featherdeath crashed free, gave the ball to Bloodmeadow, and the blitzer was home free for the go-ahead score.

With another quick strike in mind, the skaven, undaunted by this renewed point deficit, looked to the sneaky Twinkletoes once more. Dashing past the elf defenders but losing steam, he could have been easy prey for Bendark Mossfang in the backfield. It wasn't in the stars for Mossfang tonight, however, as the thrower took a misstep on his way out of coverage and crashed to the earth. Unhindered, Twinkletoes made no mistake and jogged into the end zone with ease.

With hardly any time remaining, the elves could not produce another touchdown before the whistle sounded. They could, however, give the Bilgerunners something to remember them by. After the last play, Angruil Grimmrose delivered a shameless cleating to the back of linerat Limpy's head. While this tactic shocked many in the crowd, it also garnered several sighs and coos as well. As Grimmrose coolly removed his gauntlet and sipped his water in the dying rays of the sun, it seemed that the Wardoves' would-be lovers had found themselves a new bad boy.

The match MVP awards for the 3-3 draw went to the Bilgerunners' Piddlepaw, who proved a hard rat to keep track off all match, and to Tish Killwillow of the Wardoves, who will undoubtedly have plenty of visitors during his time off the pitch. Additionally, Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners, while struggling with the concept of picking up a ball all game, had no problem delivering it through the air with great precision. From the Blueriver squad, Bendark Mossfang showed an improved skill with ball retrieval, while Fhorin Bloodmeadow displayed excellent mobility in high-pressure situations.

That concludes week three in the MMBBL Blood Bowl Summer season! Coming up on Tuesday it's a return to the Bloodbath division, when we'll see the Traumatic Takedown face the Bloodsand Blasters, and the Brutakai Ragefangs as they line up against the Meathooks in some old-fashioned orc on orc warfare! Don't miss it!

A Dire Day for Orckind

Greetings sports fiends, and welcome to another MMBBL update! Two games on the pitch last night, and we'll warn you in advance - If you're a fan of all things big, green and mean, this may be a hard report to stomach.

Game one on the card was a battle of two new teams vying to make their way in this cutthroat league. The Smash and Go'nads and the Brutakai Ragefangs met with each other and with destiny. A sunny day, decent attendance slightly favouring the Ragefangs...and the promise of mayhem.

On the opening drive, the Smash and Go'nads went right to work and would not be denied. While the runners made their moves for the ball, troll slayer Gil T. Azell went straight for the opponent's balls and throttled Holo Axegut, the Ragefang thrower. Axegut was sidelined, howling with rage, and will be missing the next match after sustaining what will likely develop into a chronic condition. With the orc line down a man, dwarf blitzer Stu Padasso found runner Dick Gozinia with a low pass, and the plucky Gozinia plowed his way downfield to the endzone. It took them most of the half to accomplish it, but the Smash and Go'nads had their first touchdown of their young careers.

In the second half, the Ragefangs needed a response. They got it, but it proved a costly half for them. En route to a tying score, the orcs were battered and bruised from the waist down as the dwarves did their best to hold the line. Line dwarf Herb Eaverstinks brought down Vradak Facechewer with a bone-grinding tackle, relieving him of his footing, lunch, and ability to continue playing. Still, the orc offense pressed on. Seeing a need for more drastic defensive measures, Stu Padasso ran down Prok Fleshdrinker with a sickening crunch. Good sportsmanship being what it is, he took the orc lineman's hand to help him up after the play, but came up with not much past the elbow. The stretcher team arrived, though Fleshdrinker was eventually removed in a series of buckets. Still, the Ragefangs would not be denied! Out of the chaos strode blitzer Raziek Bloodrage, smashing the ball into the turf as he crossed the goal line, roaring to the sky at the top of his lungs.

With little time left, the teams faced off again, and it can only be assumed that the fans were unhappy with the idea of a tie game. From out of the stands an extra-large popcorn bucket, suspiciously filled with what appeared to be quick-dry cement, caught Kodish Manhammer of the Ragefangs square in the back of the head and put him into the dirt for a short nap. With little else to do but execute rudimentary passing plays, the game ended in a 1-1 draw.

The matches MVP awards were given to Gil T. Azell for his particularly brutal play, and to Raziek Bloodrage for the exceptional catch and subsequent touchdown run. After the match, much to everyone's surprise (including his own) Prok Fleshdrinker emerged from the Ragefangs' infirmary, not in buckets but under his own power. Medically dead for more than an hour, the team doctor thoroughly stumped as to how to proceed, someone apparently stumbled upon a combination of tenth grade metal shop and bizarre necrosurgery. The result rejoined his teammates, now larger, tougher, and as far as we know, still essentially the orc he was before being reduced to a chaos team's take-out dinner. It seems that even in the world of Blood Bowl, death can give way to some sort of renewal.

On now to the second game of the night, where the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Meathooks would rekindle the carnage they wrought back in the Dungeonbowl championship. The weather was favourable, the stands were full with fans of both squads, but for the Meathooks, the sausage would prove to be packed with dismay.

The Dirt Bursters won the opening coin toss, and set to work to open the scoring. Not all of the undead players are built for the scoring game, though, and the terrifying Magut made no mistake of adding to his league-leading casualty count as he showed the herculean T-Boner the way to the hospital, putting the large orc out of commission for the immediate future. The worst was yet to come for the Meathooks, however, and one of their rising stars would pay the price.

Stumps O'Boggy, a hard-working yet seldom-acknowledged blue collar zombie, could not have known when he shook off the grave dust this morning that one of the most defining games of his career lay before him. Whether driven by personal desire, inspired by teammate Magut's brutal trailblazing, or simply a bit hungry, O'Boggy positively obliterated orc blitzer Stabbo, killing the skilled player outright. The blow to the Meathooks would prove costly, and the undead may have sensed that the game was theirs already. A great moan rose up from the undead fans as the league's most electrifying ambassador of awesome leaped through the fray and scrambled in for the touchdown. It seems, folks, that if you can't stop the O.T.B., then you can't stop the Dirt Bursters.

While the next drive was being prepared, the rumblings from the fans became progressively louder, with fights beginning to break out among the bleachers. Eventually it boiled over, and the legions of Meathooks faithful charged down to exact revenge upon the hated Dirt Bursters, even as the undead horde crashed through the barricades to slaughter the reviled orcish squad. Their charge dissipated, however, when they realized just how big their targets were. After only a couple of players were knocked down by momentum alone, the fans were quickly scared off by the mountains of orc flesh and monoliths of rot and bone, and the game resumed after cleaning the field of assorted body parts.

The rest of the first half was an awkward time for the Meathooks, and they seemed lost with their big linemate crippled and their most skilled blitzer dead. Several passes were attempted by both sides, but in every case, the receiver was hounded and the ball stripped from him. Several miscues by Meathooks thrower Pickles resulted in poor positioning, and the aforementioned Stumps O'Boggy sent orc blocker Grunt Skunchman packing, in the same boat as his teammate T-Boner. Before the halftime whistle blew, though, the Dirt Bursters would take advantage of the faltering Meathooks line and Ned Gummers rolled in for a second score.

The air of depression that rose from the orcish fans was tangible as the second half started, and it didn't help that the temperature had risen noticeably. The Meathooks would make a game of it in the end, though, and in one hell of an exciting fashion. A favourable kick and excellent blocking at the start of their drive saw another attempt at what had eluded the Meathooks for so long - a successful goblin throw. The foolhardy Hammish got the handoff and soon thereafter, Gristly the troll sent him soaring through the evening sky. The crowd gasped with anticipation - would he land on his feet? on his head? And then down he came, hitting the ground running as fast as those scrawny legs could go, right into the end zone. The uproar from the crowd was deafening, and for one shining moment, Hammish the goblin was the tallest player on the pitch.

Little time remained, and if the Meathooks were to salvage a tie, they'd have to make gold out of the leaden spirits of their squad. A gap was almost exposed, and Bacon Sandwich strove to emulate his fellow goblin's success, but he was dumped into the stands and prevented from finishing the game. Pouncing on the loose ball, Ned Gummers was off like a rocket, shambling into the end zone and ending the Meathooks' hopes. The final score, 3-1 for the undead.

As the game concluded, to the horror of the Meathooks and their fans, Stabbo got up. Wordlessly he staggered across the field and joined the Dirt Bursters as a zombie. Not all players' stories end in glory...some fade into anonymity as their bright stars fall and are extinguished. Standing alongside the very zombie who killed him, Stabbo was a Meathook no longer.

MVPs of the match were awarded to Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks, despite his injury, and to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, who showed remarkable awareness on the line in the defense of his teammates. For the first time, the undead roster is full, and for the first time since their creation, the Meathooks must search out another blitzer to fill the gap that Stabbo left in passing. We at MMBBL salute those lost tonight, even though they're actually still playing anyway. Goodnight, and we'll see you next time, as the Fly-by Knights and the Smash and Go'nads are slated to square off on Sunday!

It's Actually Not that Hard Being Green

Week three action in the MMBBL is coming to you, hot off the presses! This week's two matches saw the Woad Warriors take on the Dirt Bursters, while the Day's End faced off against the Meathooks.

The first match concluded with the final score 2-0 in favour of the Undead, in what was considered by the record-breaking crowd to be a soft, friendly match. Touchdowns were scored by No Guts Bob the wight, and Ned Gummers the very adept ghoul. No serious injuries were caused until well past halftime, and all three of these were handled expertly by the Woad Warriors' training staff or not so serious that a week's rest wouldn't cure all damage. The weather during the game was particularly odd, with blizzard conditions prevailing for the first half, including another strange bolt of lightning coming down to only partially singe Ol' Teabagger of the Dirt Bursters.

This matches MVP awards were given to Robert Sideburns, Scottish thrower, for his presence of mind and great ball control during the adverse weather, and Blacky Gobbler, ghoul player for the Dusk Hill team. Other notables included Chuck MacCaber, who mirrored his MVP teammate's great control, and Lanks McBreak, who endured countless severe beatings until finally steeling his bony resolve and dishing out a casualty of his own, showing that finally, eventually, a creature with nothing left in his brain cavity can learn to block.

Game two made up for what the first game lacked in punishing play. The Meathooks squeezed out a 3-2 victory over the Day's End, but the amount of injuries sustained by the Day's End Thrall corps is a testament to the resolve of their Vampires. Once again, under the tutelage of Count Luthor Von Drakenborg, they took the field in an effort to prove that style has a place in this league of rusty armour and slapdash body paint.

Touchdowns for the Day's End were scored by Von Drakenborg himself, as well as The Prince of the Nine, who is leading the way as far as training among the vampires is concerned, with his blocking skillls gaining some polish. The Meathooks found the endzone three times thanks to an hurculean effort by Stabbo, a blitzer who was seemingly tired of living in Beef Bigaxe's shadow. An absolute marvel on the pitch today, he's quickly asserted himself as the Orc to watch for this year's MVP awards. With two strong, speedy blitzers (and who knows how many to come up from the minor leagues with time) the green offense just got a lot more offensive.

Four major casualties were caused by the Meathooks squad, with line orc Lockjaw, blitzer Stabbo, and black orcs Gort Crudhammer and Grunt Skunchman contributing to the carnage. The myriad of other downed thralls was due to a combination of poor footing and unchecked appetite. MVP of the match for the Meathooks was Hamfist Goreguts (presumably because of Stabbo's inability to be given the award after being paraded out of the stadium by thousands of ecstatic orc supporters) who recently recieved an armour endorsement from ReBlok. Spicy, Thrall of the Day's End also got the MVP nod, but will likely have to receive the honour from a hospital bed, having sustained a serious injury which seems to point towards chronic relapse if he's ever hurt again. The Meathooks' other notable performances came from the blocking and bashing skill of Grunt Skunchman, Pickles' dead-eye throwing skill, and of course Stabbo's ball-stripping prowess.

We've reached the halfway point of the Dungeonbowl season! Each of the four teams will play each other again before the playoffs begin. Next week we'll have the Woad Warriors rumbling with the Day's End, and the highly anticipated rematch between the Meathooks and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Don't miss out, it's gonna be a wild one!

Great Match, Ridiculous Amounts of Money, and New Hirings!

A make-up game for the Greenskin Bumlookers took place this Sunday, against the Fly-By Knights. This game had the greatest attendance to date, no doubt due to the hype generated around the team's coaches - rumour has it they've schooled, worked, and even lived together! Certainly the groundwork for an intense rivalry is being laid.

The game itself started in the rain, under the lights. The Knights grabbed the lead early on with a touchdown pass from Lance Freely to Stanley Steele, and then recovered the ball on defence to see it run in for the score by lineman Reginald Reginald III. The Bumlookers countered in the second half, after a tussle between the two teams on the pitch, with line orc Rod Harding bringing in the touchdown on a beautiful catch. In an amazing turn of events, the Knights dealt more damage than they sustained, injuring three Bumlookers and being no worse than knocked out themselves.

MVPs for the match were Abraham Sandwich, lineman of the Fly-By Knights, and Red Marx of the Bumlookers, who is showing his potential as a true professional Blood Bowl player. Also of note was the unflappable resolve and focus of Knights' catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele.

A very spirited match for both sides, and it showed in the winnings, as each team pocketed 70,000 gold each! As a result, the Bumlookers hired on black orc Phil McKrackin to add even more muscle to their formidable front line, and the Knights signed blitzer Chet Jackweed, possibly the single most cocky individual to ever dance in the end zone.

Due to the holiday weekend coming up, arrangements are being made to have two more games played in the coming week. All the news and reports on them will be here as soon as they're made available to the press!