Kickoff Weekend Holds Many Surprises

The Commish here again with highlights from the MMBBL's Blood Bowl season kickoff weekend! Let me tell you, sportsfiends, there were some great matches on, and more than a couple of upsets!

Deathdealer Division's four matches saw a great deal of drama. The Plotzburgh Shankers started things off by welcoming the Greenskin Bumlookers to Plotzburgh Adequate Security Prison Yard. No strangers to situations involving dropped soap and handcuffs themselves, the Bumlookers were a big hit with the crowd. Popularity wouldn't win the day, though, as the Shankers held onto a 1-0 lead long enough to claim victory. Match MVP awards went to Hans Kuft of the Shankers and Manny T. Baggins of the Bumlookers. A true spectacle of raw strength was put on by orc blocker Hugh Jass, who was earlier under suspicion of using performance-enhancing drugs. It became evident that he was in fact using performance-enhancing-drug-enhancing drugs, which we discovered were not, in fact, illegal. This revelation came to us from our top doping expert, who performed the test himself and assured us that "Mister Jass did not violate the code of conduct, nor did he punch my teeth down my throat if I know what's good for me."

Perhaps the greatest rivalry of the day was that brewing at the Slag Pit, where the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts hosted their kin, the Smash and Go'nads. The Go'nads threw down a ton of hurt, injuring several of their opponents, but a cartload of inducement money had bought the Dreadnaughts a very competent medical crew, and through perseverance and grit, they outlasted the favoured Go'nads for a 1-0 victory. Match MVPs were Cludge Slamboni of the Go'nads and Angus Angerforge of the Dreadnaughts. Gil T. Azell, the frothy-mouthed slayer from the Go'nads squad, was also given accolades and a very wide berth for his impressive and scrappy wrestling.

It wasn't all low scores and hard hits in the Deathdealer games, as was seen when the Blackwater Bilgerunners visited the Sun Temple Chupacabras, deep in the jungles of Ghetitophme. This high-adrenaline scoring fest was punctuated by periods of brutal heat which forced several skaven to hit the showers early and sent many a lizard scampering under the nearest large rock. Back and forth the touchdowns went, despite the temperature, and in the end the score held at four apiece. A tie, but exciting nonetheless, and the players on each side showed great respect for each other in the aftermath. Perhaps another rivalry is brewing here? MVP awards went to Squeesplat of the Bilgerunners and Gecko Xtopilopicoatl of the Chupacabras, whose surefootedness inspired great performances from his brothers as well. Mondo likewise showed confidence running the ball, and the youngest of the group, Lando, earned praise for being very hard for the opponent to get a handle on. The bad news from this game comes for the Bilgerunners; O'Rattigan, their mound of mousy muscle, suffered a broken neck and will be out for the next match because of it.

Finally, the Blueriver Wardoves, including SPIKE! magazine cover boy Tsih Killwillow, met the Fjord Rangers on the Battlefield of Good Sport for the division's evening match. The Wardoves were heavily favoured, but the Rangers hounded them at every turn with exemplary defense, including a picture-perfect interception by lineman Valter Franzen, which resulted in the second of the Rangers' touchdowns. Try as they might to recover, the high elves got no quarter from the Norse force, and that second touchdown stood up to give the Fjord Rangers a 2-1 victory. Dellin Finchtalon of Blueriver and Edvard Nilsen of the Fjord took home the MVP awards. the play of Wardoves quarterback Bendark Mossfang was notable as well, as despite the interception, he threw calmly and well regardless of coverage. Jonas Mednick was also stellar in his running of the secondary defense, stripping the ball loose from any elf trying to get by on his watch.

On now to Bloodbath Division, where match results were just as exciting and a bit more on the bloody side! Leading off the games was a dangerous duel at Bad Block Pyramid, home of the Bloodsand Blasters. The self-styled "dustiest players in the game" were hosting the Meathooks, whose legendary brutality is matched only by their legendary appetites. The hungrier team proved the winner in this case, with a 2-0 decision playing out in favour of the Meathooks. Included in this mess of a game was a touchdown by the highly unlikely Gort Crudhammer, who we assume fought a mighty battle with personal instinct to eat the ball rather than carry it over the line when he got his pudgy fingers on it. The dismal play of the Blasters leaves many questions about the continued success of this admittedly one-dimensional team. MVP awards went to the Meathooks' Steakums McMeaty and the Blasters' Battering Ramses. Noticable as well was orc quarterback Biggs McStabstab, who has really put some distance on his throwing range since last we saw him play.

The hits didn't stop coming as the Stargazin' Farmboys hosted the Darkmire Carnosaurs out in Dago's Bog, in a filthy (but packed!) Most Likely Swamp Port arena. The Carnosaurs, co-winners of the Chaos Cup, have become a truly intimidating force in the MMBBL, and the Farmboys needed to dig deep and pull up every ounce of talent they possessed to match the challenge. That is precisely what they did, too. In spite of a staggering injury to talented catcher Dan Solitaire, the rest of the Farmboys held on for a 2-2 draw with the Carnosaurs. The lizardman MVP for the match was Wildfang, who was simply uncontainable on the line of scrimmage. Conversely, human lineman "Hobby" Oldfield was very strong on defense, blocking several skink incursions into Farmboy territory.

The hard-luck Lurkers of Azzilizza paid a visit to the Panama Scourge for Bloodbath's third matchup. This was easily the goriest match of the day, and it didn't help that half of the players were in varying degrees of decomposition already. The unstoppable force of the nimble, crafty dark elves was matched against an immovable object of undead defense. When one side broke through the other team's coverage, there were results - but at great cost. New Scourge ghoul Mook II got himself a touchdown, and then a trip to the infirmary that left him with a broken neck. Even worse was the fate of elf blitzer Zanzil Xenophobe, who was gruesomely impaled on the pointy helmet of line skeleton Brack. Zanzil died immediately and, thanks to the nature of his opponents' recruiting practices, promptly got up and went over to the Scourge bench to take his place as probably the best-looking zombie ever. The final score in this game was 1-1, though only the Panama Scourge can truly say they took something extra away from the match. Some ONE, really. MVP awards were presented to the Scourge's Brack, whose unorthodox but effective blocking also resulted in a new recruit, and to Braxis Facemelter of the Lurkers. Skeleton lineman Billy Bonelegs also displayed an uncharacteristic level of nimbleness on the line, and Drixit Heelgrinder of the Lurkers showed excellend ball control.

The final match on the card brought the newly formed Spleen Bay Rat Packers, a Gnoll team from the Southern coast of the Beastlands, down to visit the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators, the MMBBL's only all-female squad. The Packers being an unknown squad, no one was sure what to expect. When the dust settled, new expectations were certainly brewing in the minds of fans, players, and sports writers everywhere, as the team from Spleen Bay routed the A-Nile-Ators 3-0. Outmaneuvering and outrunning their aspect opponents at every turn, the gnolls played a commanding offense led by their game MVP, Klitch Bloodswallow, who not only scored and passed, but through some key blocks as well. In spite of an MVP performance by A-Nile-Ators linewoman Nefver Timid, the Rat Packers rolled on to victory.

That does it for kickoff weekend, sportsfiends! For those keeping track, Klitch Bloodswallow is the top-rated player in the league so far, and after only his first game in the MMBBL! Will we see more from this young upstart? In the meantime, feel free to salivate over next week's Deathdealer divisional matchups!

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Smash and Go'nads VS Plotzburgh Shankers
Dark Iron Dreadnaughts VS Greenskin Bumlookers
Fjord Rangers VS Sun Temple Chupacabras
Blueriver Wardoves VS Blackwater Bilgerunners

The League Marches On!

No, the MMBBL is not dead, defunct, deceased, decrepit or anywhere close to Done, it's simply been a bit of a difficult time for most of those involved, as our collective place of employment is planning a move and a restructuring. Still, we did find the time to throw together a great playoff for the Dungeonbowl and an incredibly crazy one-month Chaos Cup tournament.

The Dungeonbowl was won in an incredible double-overtime finish by the Blackwater Bilgerunners over the Bleakwood Breakers. A true marathon match, All that the players could really say when the clock ran out was "wow". Unfortunately, the Breakers' coach had to move on to another town when the dust settled.

The Chaos Cup was quite simply the most confusing season we've experienced to-date. Played in a double-elimination format, the schedule was constantly haunted by attendance snafus ( most of which were less human error and more unfortunate circumstances). In the end, four teams met in a special four-way format, with exciting and absurd results. When all was said and done, the Darkmire Carnosaurs and Drudgetown Deadites settled on a first place tie with seven points each, with the Sun Temple Chupacabras and Smash and Go'nads finishing with a respectable four apiece.

Now it's time for the big one. The Blood Bowl season. Five months now separate sixteen teams from ultimate glory. There are some new squads as well as some old ones, returned from hiatus.

Bloodbath Division looks to live up to its name yet again, with the return of its usual favourites, the Darkmire Carnosaurs and Bloodsand Blasters. The Stargazin Farmboys, Ibisi A-Nile-Ators, and Lurkers of Azzilizza are back to continue carving out their places in league history. The Panama Scourge, a new team coached by Cliff Walker, arrived for the Chaos Cup and had a very good showing for a rookie squad. Ryan Keizer brings a new team to the mix as well - the Spleen Bay Rat Packers, who are a team of gnolls based on the high elf template. Finally, an old favourite has returned. The Meathooks are back and bloodier than ever! Fans the league over will be gripped with a mix of excitement and terror!

Deathdealer Division has had its own share of shuffles. Returning are such highlight reel teams as the Smash and Go'nads, Sun Temple Chupacabras, Blackwater Bilgerunners and Blueriver Wardoves. Likewise returning are the up-and-coming Fjord Rangers and hard-hitting Dark Iron Dreadnaughts. The new crew showing up for this division is Matt Stroud's Plotzburgh Shankers, a human team with decidedly looser morals than his true-hearted Fly-by Knights. Last but not least (unless speaking in terms of clothing), comes the return of a team which has not been seen since our inaugural season - the Greenskin Bumlookers are back from their beach league to leave their oily, toned mark on the MMBBL!

From May to August, sixteen weeks of hard-hitting, high-flying action is coming your way, until September brings the playoffs and the battle for the greatest prize in all the land: The Blood Bowl! Stay tuned, sportsfiends! The Mighty Miramichi Blood Bowl League is back and ready for kickoff!