Playoffs Round Two: Dirt Bursters Bury Knights

In semifinal action last night, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters advanced to the championship round with a victory over the Fly-by Knights, with a final score of 3-1.

The first half gave the impression of a high-scoring affair, With two touchdowns scored by the Dirt Bursters and one for the Knights. Ghouls Chompsalot and No-Guts Bob had the scores for the undead, while Flash Madison, in a departure from his usual role as the subtle boot of justice, had a touchdown for the human squad. The second half was far less wide-open, and the Knights' first drive was stifled in a giant pile-up. A blown pass attempt resulting in a turnover gave the Dirt Bursters the opportunity they needed to strike again, and Chompsalot put the game away for good with his second score of the night.

The match's MVPs were Mummy Magut of the Dirt Bursters, who registered a trio of casualties (none of which were serious) and lineman Abraham Sandwich of the Knights, who gained his third MVP vote and marking him as possibly the most famed and admired player to ever do not much of anything. Other notable plays involved No-Guts Bob dying when trying to run that extra yard, but remembering at the last second that he was already quite dead and should probably just get up and keep going; Reginald Reginald III of the Knights suffering a crippling injury but coming out of the surgery room right as rain; Lez White being unceremoniously dumped into the stands and carted off to who-knows-where; Flash Madison not getting caught by the refs on a record six consecutive foul attempts; and the the Dirt Bursters' hired wizard getting completely hammered and forgetting about casting a spell at all.

The Knights wish their opponents well, and are looking forward to next season's meeting, since they closed out their season by signing one Barglesnart Livingstone, who may be the only ogre to be knighted. The circumstances of this title are as yet unknown. The Dirt Bursters, meanwhile, cleaned up well with their victory and are now considering the hiring of a fourth Ghoul and another linechump...that is to say, a zombie or skeleton.