Spiffying Up the Blog, Part 4

And now, probably the most time-consuming of the "spiffy-ups". Since many of us in the league are artists in some respect, and because there is a very strong need to identify our home made sports heroes as more than just numbers in an Excel document, we've been putting together sports cards for the teams in the league. This took quite some time to get going, and in all honesty it would be much quicker to take photos of the miniatures and import them, but it's nice to put one's own personal touch on a character. Here, then, is a sample of the 07-08 MMBBL card set, featuring none other than the most lovable ogre in...whatever the heck we're going to call the world we play in.

A few notes: If a player increases a stat or loses a point in a stat, the number will appear in green or red respectively. In those odd cases where a player had lost a stat point and subsequently regained it through leveling up, the number will appear in orange (and yes, we already have one of those in the new season). Also, as you can see, Barglesnart is listed as a "Throttler" instead of simply "Ogre". This is because categorizing a player as simply a member of a particular race strikes me as a bit weak. Players develop as they get better, and their position on the team should reflect that, in my opinion.

I was considering posting the entire Knights roster in cards here, but it would be quite a long post. We'll see what the other coaches think. Hopefully we'll have more art/pictures ready in short order, so that game MVPs can be actually shown instead of merely talked about.

Blood Bowl Day 2008: Highlights and Hijinx

This past Sunday we held Blood Bowl Day, our one-year anniversary celebration for the MMBBL. By all accounts, it was a complete success, thanks to the enthusiasm and efforts of our eight coaches. Off-field highlights included four pizzas, three cases of pop, and a lot of laughter. The on-field highlights are a bit more...reportable. Additionally, we implemented our new "Stadium Rules" for the first time, for the most part to everyone's great amusement. We'll have another post up about them soon.

The Asgard Raiders had a pair of games, and their results were varied. On the upside, both the team's runners learned to dodge thanks to some fortuitous doubles being rolled, but on the downside, lineman Thor Kilval was turned into a sort of viking paste.

The Blackwater Bilgerunners had some significant successes in their outings. Linerat Stumptail learned Dauntless, marking him as a sort of secret weapon against big guys. Piddlepaw the gutter runner, after an entirely ridiculous four touchdown performance against some goblins, learned Sure Feet, while his associate Dingleberry mutated himself some Extra Arms and the towering O'Rattigan took Stand Firm on his level up. Finally, a new linerat by the name of Notchear was added to the mix.

The BloodDrunk Berserkers had one game, and the results were not pleasant. A few points were awarded, but most notable were the niggling injury picked up by beastman Bone Chewer and the gruesome death of chaos warrior Halford Heartripper.

The Darkmire Carnosaurs did well for their first outings, and though Kakayo Puddlejumper was throttled out of a movement point in one game, he regained it later on in a level-up. Toka Reedrush was another skink to get faster, and Huila Windwhip picked up Sidestep and topped the team with eight Star Player Points.

Gildengrip's Goldminers made an appearance at Blood Bowl Day, and made a strong showing of it. Line dwarf Willron Weldon learned the Guard ability, and runner Gilgarry Goldrush picked up Block after his touchdown and MVP performance. Though he learned Mighty Blow, blitzer Cooper O'Copper's day was soured slightly when he was slapped with a niggling injury.

Also making a brief appearance were the Mount Darkham Gryphons, a human squad fielded by the coach of the Smash and Go'nads. Their victory was well-played, particularly by "The Presence" John McElroy at quarterback, and "Shake and Bake" Blake Baker at receiver, who far and away had the most amusing name at the entire event. The former picked up the Strong Arm skill while the latter increased his movement rate.

The Muenster Valley Stinkers easily had the worst night of the lot. Five games, each one a loss, saw a litany of injuries and a pair of deaths. Goblins Slappy Sloptongue and Armpit Goozer met their respective ends, the latter after learning Sidestep in a previous encounter. Among the permanent but not fatal injuries suffered by others were a loss of strength and a niggling injury for Punchy Clognostril, an agility down for Donker Dungheap, Armour penalties for Nudgy Bangfart and Kicky Mudgob, and a niggling injury for bombardier Blaggat Horkbag. The only bright spots on this day were the discipline of the team's trolls, who didn't eat a single goblin all day, and Ziddy Blotch, who learned sure feet and was given the captaincy for not dying. The Stinkers were also able to hire on a fanatic, one Whirly Early.

The Pancake Valley Shortstacks fared much better than their equally stunty counterparts, though possibly only because they knew when to quit. Cream Sugarfoot had two touchdowns in their lone game, earning him the Sprint ability.

The Razor Hill Spinebreakers played very well, with all but three players earning points of one kind or another, and one of them actually leveling up twice! Kiro Stormaxe was the blitzer in question, collecting a whopping 23 Star Player Points en route to picking up the Sure Hands and Fend skills. Fellow Blitzer Soran Steelfury had a kill and learned Strip Ball, and two black orcs, Kolark Bonefist and Brakgul Bloodsnarl, each got Block. Bonefist also had a fatality attributed to him. After the day was done, the orcs made matters worse for their opponents by adding troll Zor Loneblow to the team. From what I can tell after one day, the Spinebreakers are going to be one hell of a fun team to watch.

The Sun Temple Chupacabras had a couple of strong games, and were rewarded by saurus El Mucho Grande getting faster and skink Harpo Xtopilopicoatl picking up the Side Step skill. Aditionally, Meepo Xtopilopicoatl became the latest of the Xtopilopicoatl siblings to join the team.
Finally, the Traumatic Takedown had a day full of pleasant surprises, as line dwarf Rip Tendon picked up two casualties and a kill, and hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea got Block on a level up. Perhaps the most impressive of all, however, is centaur Charlie Horse, who, after getting an agility increase last season, followed up by learning Dodge on Blood Bowl Day. The only downside for the Takedown was line dwarf The Buccinator getting an armour penalty.

With all said and done, there's going to be a lot of heavy competition in the MMBBL this coming season! Many of the newer teams picked up significant amounts of Star Player Points and won't be rushing into the season without anything to build on. Only two squads came up worse than they started, and neither of their coaches is particularly discouraged. The regular season kicks off on the 30th of September, so look for more posts here and there before then!

Spiffying Up the Blog, Part 3

Welcome to the Neighbourhood.

In the interest of fleshing out our Blood Bowl world, I built a map a little while ago with a nifty little program called Fractal Mapper. The result is what you see above, with the addition of team and stadium markings. You may notice some teams on the map which have never been seen before - they're a combination of new teams who haven't gotten their shot yet, and old squads players brought in from previous leagues but haven't used yet. For now this is all for show, but in the future, who knows? Ther may be a need for specific divisions may arise if we keep expanding.

Spiffying Up the Blog, Part 2

For the second stage of the spiffy-up, we figured it was time we had some visual cues to know our teams by. With most of us being artistically inclined, it was easy enough to get creative juices flowing and before we knew it, we had a heap of very strong, unique, and above all, convincing logos on our hands. So, for your viewing as well as reading pleasure, we present the twelve teams taking part in the MMBBL's 2008 Autumn season.

ASGARD RAIDERS

The Raiders are the second Norse team to enter the league, and are one of the two teams coached by the reigning champion, Curtis Hunt. The squad has two logos: the one on the left is their main brand; the second, a longship topped with a bold "A", will appear on their helmets.







BLACKWATER BILGERUNNERS
The Bilgerunners, the MMBBL's lone Skaven team, had an incredible breakout season this past Summer with rookie coach Jonathan Roth at the helm. We can't wait to see what kind of high-flying antics the Rat Rush will bring this Fall.








BLOODDRUNK BERSERKERS
The Berserkers are the second team fielded by coaching phenom Curtis Hunt. In addition to his coaching and illustrating skills, Curt actually built his team's chaos warriors and minotaur with his own modeling material and unique flair for the pointy and killy.








BLUERIVER WARDOVES
The Wardoves had a strong season under the watchful eyes of coach Chris Mudd, who is also distinguished as the league's Coach Wrangler and one of the reasons we're as successful as we are today. The Wardoves' third season promises to be full of incredible displays of skill and speed, as well as tasteful but exciting photo opportunities.






DARKMIRE CARNOSAURS
J Gagnon had a strong second season with his Brutakai Ragefangs this past Summer, and the success he found has spurred him on to new challenges. Shelving the orcs in favour of a Lizardman team, J brings the Darkmire Carnosaurs into contention. In the tradition he began with the Ragefangs, we can't wait to see the memorable characters the Carnosaurs roster will put on display.






FLY-BY KNIGHTS
Given the opportunity to toot my own horn, I'll do my best not to embellish the accomplishments of Matt Stroud's Fly-by Knights. Until now, they'd only been played every other season, with more experimental squads showing up in the Winter and Summer seasons. Coming into the Autumn season, the Knights are the highest-rated squad, and the oldest team in current contention.






MUENSTER VALLEY STINKERS
As one of the four coaches fielding two teams this season, the Commissioner, Matt Stroud, retains much of his flair for the experimental. Given how many times we've seen a troll casually try to devour a goblin teammate, it's perhaps a surprise to see a team enter the league based almost entirely around that strategy. If nothing else, the Stinkers should provide a healthy dose of questionable moral fiber.





PANCAKE VALLEY SHORTSTACKS
In a similar case of experimental curiosity meeting morbid fascination, coach Sandy Miller, known up to now for his widely popular Meathooks squad, will be fielding a halfling roster as one of his two teams this Fall. Keep those Tree Men standing, Sandy old boy, and don't get discouraged if you lose a dozen or so of your plucky halfling projectiles.






RAZOR HILL SPINEBREAKERS
Inspired perhaps by the wanton carnage caused by other orc teams, comeback-of-the-year coach Ryan Keizer is bringing a greenskin squad of his own to the league. Without question, the Spinebreakers are a team built to crush the opposition. If they can score some points along the way - hey, bonus!







SMASH AND GO'NADS
The Smash and Go'nads were last season's cinderella story, making a headlong rush into the Blood Bowl and coming oh-so-close to victory. Back with a wealth of experience and a sickening number of guard assists, the Go'nads remain the powerhouse team in coach Ryan Keizer's stable.







SUN TEMPLE CHUPACABRAS
Sandy Miller brings another Lizardman team into the mix, Leading his luchador lizards out of the jungle and, hopefully, into the winner's circle. Probably a more reliable bet that a halfling team, look for the Chupacabras to play with pride and power.








TRAUMATIC TAKEDOWN
Keith Dury's chaos dwarves hit some rough patches throughout last season, and some bad luck kept him from accumulating a truly powerful presence on the pitch. Returning this Autumn and not discouraged in the slightest, the Takedown find themselves in the upper middle of the pack as more new teams join the league. As with most second-year teams, look for improvement by leaps and bounds from the Traumatic Takedown.

Owners, officials, coaches and fans, I present to you, the Autumn 2008 MMBBL!

Spiffying Up the Blog, Part 1

As part of the celebrations surrounding Blood Bowl Day, and our ongoing effort to make this league as cool as possible, We're stepping up the graphics here on the MMBBL Blog. Part one of this initiative is a more intense way to display the games that are played each season, specifically a more dynamic header for each post.


There's going to be one of these babies up for every game post - regular season, challenge, and playoffs - from now on. The two teams, the arena, and attendance. Not too much else to say about it except a big thanks to coach Ryan Keizer for the idea!

League Expansion, Returning Teams, and Blood Bowl Day

Time now for a few administrative posts concerning the MMBBL.

First up, we're expanding the league from eight to twelve teams this Autumn. We don't have any new coaches, but four of our current coaches have expressed interest in fielding a second team. Therefore, there will be six teams in each division, with each of the two-team coaches having one team in each division. When playoff time comes, only one of that coach's two teams may advance, even if both teams are technically eligible.

In theory, we have the resources to support up to sixteen teams at this point, since there are four boards among us. If we expand further, it will be directly to sixteen teams if possible. If that can't work, then the two-team fielding coaches may be asked to cut back to one in subsequent seasons. This is simply a matter of everyone being able to play on the alternating game nights of the two conferences, Bloodbath and Deathdealer. having an odd number of teams in either division means that someone's got to wait nearly a month between games, and that would be frustrating to say the least.

And now on to the returning teams announcement. To begin, several teams who've been with us recently are taking breaks, mostly so the coaches can experiment with new team types. The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, Meathooks, Brutakai Ragefangs, and Bloodsand Blasters are all getting put on the shelf for a little while, after four, four, two and one season of play, respectively.

Returning are four of the squads from last season - The Smash and Go'nads, the Blueriver Wardoves, the Traumatic Takedown and the Blackwater Bilgerunners, as well as a previously established team, the Fly-by Knights, who were last seen in the Spring season. with five returning teams, this means that over half of the league will be entirely new squads. Though the returning teams have an edge as far as skill and playoff hope goes, there's still a lot of wiggle room for new teams to get off the ground quickly. Those new teams will be given an introductory post soon.

Something that pleases me to no end will be our first annual Blood Bowl Day. Commemorating the start of the MMBBL last year, this is the sort of landmark that every league commissioner hopes for. Enthusiasm seems to permeate the league, we've managed to find a balance between the more casual and more hardcore players (namely the aforementioned two-team coaches) and we've set a foundation of league history that we can build on with each passing game. Everybody still gets a little chill at the mention of Ol' Teabagger. We know what it means to exclaim "HUNGRY!" when the die roll comes up a 1. We've even got a handful of creative alternative projectiles when "Throw a Rock" comes up on a kickoff. In short, we've taken the generic core of the game and covered it with a gooey, sweet, unique MMBBL frosting. This Fall, we start on the second tier of this delicious, vicious cake.

Blood Bowl Day is going to be a celebration of the league, and as well an excuse to hang out with what's become a tightly-knit crew of fantasy sports fans. There'll be pizza, drinks, and of course on-pitch carnage. The games themselves with carry a few twists - money earned will be halved as it's "preseason" play, the games themselves won't count in the standings (thought star player points will), and teams who aren't even in the league itself this season will be welcome. Don't expect to see too much on the blog about the games, aside from the major highlights. I love updating this site, but there's no way I'm going to be able to scribble out 10-15 matches in full detail.

There's still a couple of posts to be made - One concerning the new teams, one for a new house rule we're implementing which will give flavour to the different venues the teams play in, and one to showcase some new graphics - a league map, a "head-to-head" match post header, the MMBBL logo with all the current team logos incorporated, and the biggest project to date, player cards! Keep an eye open, and we'll see you on Blood Bowl Day!

The MMBBL 2008 Summer Season Awards!

It's time again to recognize the elite players of the MMBBL, for their superlative play in the latest chapter of the league's history. We had some returning favourites, and several newcomers showing their skill as well.

First up, the League MVP Award. Many had favoured Ol' Teabagger for this once again, and the Man was looking poised to deliver until a run-in with Ramrod Meatmissile of the Meathooks brought his existence to a pasty, splutchy halt. As one star dims, however, another seems brighter, and Chompsalot stepped up to the challenge this season, earning an impressive 36 star player points on seven touchdowns, one completion, two casualties and two MVP votes. Though the Dirt Bursters will be departing for the next little while, the league is confident that Chompsalot will prove to be a great ambassador of the sport for years to come. Runners-up were Chompsalot's teammate Khermit, and Brutakai Ragefangs phenom Raziek Bloodrage.

The In the Zone award for most touchdowns frequently lands in the hands of the player who wins the league MVP Award, and this season is no exception. Chompsalot's seven touchdowns earn him this award, with Hammish of the Meathooks coming in second with six scores, and Raziek Bloodrage and Angruil Grimmrose tying for fourth.

Like an unstoppable juggernaut, Khermit stormed the league for the second season running and got his bandaged hands on the Commissioner's Medal for Exemplary Brutality. Absolutely dominating his opponents, Khermit had eight serious injuries attributed to his handiwork, at a rate of over one per game. A distant tie for third showed the effort from Kragor Clawfang of the Ragefangs and Helter Skeleter of the Bloodsand Blasters.

The Silver Elbow, for most complete passes in a season, is awarded to Bendark Mossfang of the Blueriver Wardoves. Bendark wins the award easily, tossing thirteen gems. His nearest competition was from Fivel Mausketrap of the Blackwater Bilgerunners with eight, and Krak Toothsnapper of the Ragefangs with seven.

There was no clear victor in the chase for the Brass Doorknob, which goes to the player with the most interceptions in a season. Four players wound up sharing the honour, those being Krunch of the Blackwater Bilgerunners, Beefquake of the Meathooks, and Bahnaynay and Bubtunk Bagrot of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Everyone else was tied with, well, none.

The Silver Lining award, given to the player with the most game MVP awards, is picked up by line dwarf Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, with four such nominations under his belt this season. Close behind with three apiece were skeleton Lanks McBreak and former dwarf/current zombie Eric Shun.

Finally, that award no one wants their name to be on, the singular mark of shame, the Big Fat Zero - the Why Bother? award, presented to the player with the least impact on the game throughout the course of the season. Rookies are ineligible - one has to be around for a while before one can be considered to truly be dead weight. The award is slit between three sorry excuses for athletes this season. Ragefangs line orcs Gor Knifelicker and Vradak Facechewer each amounted nothing of consequence, as did elf lineman Valandil Dreadlily. There may be three of them, but when you divide zero by three you still get zero. Step it up next time, you lot!

These are your champions, MMBBL fans! look for them on cereal boxes, at curfew-violating parties, and in fancy glove commercials!

Grand Slam: Dirt Bursters go Four-for-Four in MMBBL Tournaments

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters met the Smash and Go'nads this Tuesday, in the culmination of the Summer season and the entire MMBBL year - The Blood Bowl. The struggle was mighty, the competition fierce. The two most deserving squads in the MMBBL met to decide its reigning champion. Undead clashed with dwarf, and in the end, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters maintained their legacy as the league's premier team.

Winning the coin toss, the Dirt Bursters opted to receive first. Fans from both sides roared with challenge, the sun gazed down approvingly, and the game was underway. The loudness of the undead fans overtook the rowdiness of the dwarves as the kick landed, and the explosive Chompsalot recovered the ball as the undead line tore into the dwarven defenders. Regrouping, the dwarves refused to give so much as an inch without the greatest of efforts. Answering the challenge, the Dirt Bursters offensive line left no avenues for the Go'nads to penetrate and harass Chompsalot. It seemed there might be a full stop to the undead run as Stumps O'Boggy was knocked out by Holden McGroin...but then through the narrowest of gaps burst Chompsalot, with wights and zombies sealing the breach behind him. Chompsalot was off like a shot, and by the end of the first quarter it was 1-0 Dirt Bursters.

Looking to retaliate with a score of their own, the Smash and Go'nads lined up and set for the attack. Unfortunately for them, they couldn't pick up the surprise blitz from the undead in time, and paying the price early on was troll slayer Euin Whatarmy. Suffering near-fatal chest decompression at the gangrenous hands of Chunk Norton, Whatarmy managed to escape death with the less-serious (but still crippling) disfigurement of his ribcage. Meanwhile, Chompsalot made a surge through the dwarf offensive line, attempting to leap over the nearest Go'nad to chase down the ball. He picked the wrong dwarf to vault over, though. No one is entirely sure what Gil T. Azell uses to maintain his massive mohawk's shape, but it was enough to knock the wind out of Chompsalot as he slammed gut-first into the impressive hairdo. Still, the ghouls kept charging forward, and Ned Gummers laid a blitz into Dick Gozinia after the dwarf runner picked up the ball. unphased by the attack, Gozinia deftly shoveled a pass to fellow runner Adam Meway, who began to tear up the middle into protective cover. Again, a ghoul came by to cause havoc, and this time Bahnaynay laid a hit into Meway, only to see the wily dwarf return the favour from Dick Gozinia, tossing the ball back to safety.

Time was running short for the dwarves, but likewise for some of the undead as well. Hats off to Tinny, the plucky thrall-turned-zombie, for going toe-to-toe with Cludge Slamboni's custom deathroller and coming out of the ordeal no more or less dead than he started. Still, Slamboni's crowd-clearing presence opened a gap, and Dick Gozinia had a brief chance to unload a pass and perhaps tie the game. The toss was perfect, but out of the melee rose Bahnaynay, who hauled the throw in with one hand, denying the dwarves with his timely interception. Bahnaynay maintained possession until the whistle sounded, and the score at halftime remained one to nothing, the Dirt Bursters clinging to their precarious lead.

The second half kickoff showed more incredible defensive play from the Dirt Bursters, as they were able to reorganize themselves to counter the Go'nads' attack plan from the get-go. Dick Gozinia retrieved the football, but Ned Gummers was already on top of him once again. Alertness being Gozinia's stock in trade, he expertly dumped off a pass the Adam Meway who maneuvered upfield. These two dwarves certainly knew how to maintain possession. Finally, Chompsalot found a stop to the dwarf passing when he blitzed Adam Meway, whose lateral to Gozinia was off-target. Meway fought his way back to it, though, and recovered the ball again for the dwarves.

Now looking to hurl the ball upfield, Meway was foiled yet again, and the moans of the dwarven fans said it best. From the sidelines came Bubtunk Bagrot, the new ghoul in town, who pulled down the pass and with it, the Smash and Go'nads' hopes. Just as all seemed lost, however, Bagrot took a spill trying to get away from coverage, and the ball was fumbled loose! Yet again, Adam Meway pounced on the loose ball and the dwarf forces regrouped. Another hit came on Meway, but his pass to Dick Gozinia was true this time. The dwarves stubbornly pushed up the field, inch by inch. The undead needed a big stop to put this game away.

The stops began to materialize and the Dirt Bursters rallied as a surge spearheaded by Lez White took shape. White crashed headlong into Adam Meway, nearly taking the dwarf's head clean off with the force of the blow. After several moments of great concern, Meway finally awoke, spitting up blood and and his breakfast beer. Though unable to continue playing, all were relieved that he would live to play another day.

Seeking an exit from the crush of bodies, Dick Gozinia blitzed his way out of a tight spot, only to catch his foot on a rock and crash into the turf, losing his hold on the ball. Lez White moved in to gather up the prize, but couldn't get a good handle on it. Still too many dwarves were on the field to reliably escape from coverage, but the Dirt Bursters' twin towers of terror would change that in short order. First, Khermit picked up Achilles Punks by the beard and hurled him into a sideline post where the line dwarf slumped, unmoving except for the occasional groan. Then Magut echoed his teammate's sentiments, bringing his knee up on blitzer Moe Lester and leaving the dwarf in a puddle of his own blood and sweat.

Still, the dwarves fought on, giving no easy path to the football, and Ned Gummers was unable to pick it up. A loud horn sounded, and a burst of steam signaled the arrival of Cludge Slamboni's deathroller, who neatly plowed No Guts Bob into a heap, again dislodging the ball from where it lay. It disappeared into the sea of bodies, and then emerged again, held aloft by none other than Chunk Norton. Norton attempted a pass downfield, but fumbled when he arm unhinged on the pump fake. His job was done, though, as time continued to wind down. In a final burst of maliciousness, Khermit drove Drew Peacock three feet into the softened pitch with a great overhand smash, nearly collapsing the dwarf's entire spinal column. Fortunately a splint was applied as they hauled him off the field, and Peacock would live to play another day.

With that, time expired, and the last whistle blew. As close a battle as any yet witnessed in the MMBBL's brief history was over, and the Dirt Bursters had carried the day, with a final score of 1-0. Favoured from the beginning, the undead delivered to their fans. Underdogs from the start, the stalwart Smash and Go'nads have nothing to be ashamed of. Both teams left it all out on the field, mingled with a great deal of teeth, blood, and scraps of uniform.

In addition to the great prestige of playing in the Blood Bowl Championship, an honour shared by all who participated, Game MVP awards were presented to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters, presumably for recognition of his play for BOTH squads this season, and to Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, who showed remarkable motivation and speed for someone carrying around fourty pounds of beard.

And there you have it, sportsfiends. A fourth championship for the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and perhaps their toughest win yet. To the relief of many other teams, the Dirt Bursters announced after their victory that they would be departing for other tournaments across the globe, spreading the MMBBL's name as ambassadors of our sport. Joining them on this tour will be the highly-regarded Meathooks, led by their veteran captain Beef Bigaxe and golden goblin Hammish.

Thanks for tuning in, folks! The MMBBL Commissioner's Office thanks its coach wrangler, its owners, its coaches and officials, its players living, dead and at points in between, and of course its legions of fans. And be watchful, for another great season is on the horizon as we speak...

Slow and Steady Sees Dirt Bursters Through

And now, the other half of the MMBBL playoff whole! With the Smash and Go'nads waiting for their opponent in the finals, all that remained was for the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and Blueriver Wardoves to determine which of them was to advance and meet the dwarves for all the marbles. You all know the Dirt Bursters - winners of three straight tournaments and favoured to repeat. The Wardoves, however, are gaining quite a following with their unique combination of skill, speed and limited edition 8x10 glossies. The ugliest of uglies and the beefcake from Blueriver - who would get their trip to the finals?

To the delight of the elven fans in attendance, the impressive Prince Moranian had joined the Wardoves to aid in their fight for glory. The extra elfpower would be most welcome indeed, for after the Dirt Bursters won the coin toss, the referee was never seen again. Suspicion surrounds a particularly noisy section of the Dirt Bursters' fans, where a rather large zombie was spotted wearing black and white stripes that didn't fit him at all. In any case, a messenger was sent to find a replacement official. In the meantime, there would be no holds barred for the first half of this semifinal tilt!

After a stellar kickoff by the Wardoves, Ned Gummers retrieved the ball and quickly joined his teammates in a protective knot of undead bodies. Sticking to their zone defense, the elves recoiled and regrouped, providing no clean avenue for Gummers to make a run at the end zone. The downside would be that some elves would still need to take the brunt of the Dirt Bursters' wrath. First on the list was Stryth Leafmauler, knocked out cold by the ever-dangerous Chunk Norton. Not even mighty Moranian was safe, as Magut the mummy lined him up for a stunning smash. A shining chance came for the elves when Tsih Killwillow, heedless of the cries from his legions of admirers, leaped directly into the undead offense in an attempt to dislodge Ned Gummers from the safety of his teammates. The attack was a partial success, temporarily disrupting the Dirt Bursters' advance. Somehow, after the other undead players realized there was an elf among them, Killwillow survived by deftly leading his assailants to shove him back out of the box. Meanwhile, Chunk Norton was seen repeatedly fouling Prince Moranian, although no referee emerged to call him for it.

Any elf maiden who hadn't previously fainted upon witnessing Tsih Killwillow's near-suicidal leaping charge soon did as he attempted a second such attack. Once again the elven heartthrob hurled himself into harm's way, shoving Ned Gummers down the line, hoping that his teammates might find a chance to strike him. Unfortunately, the only major shoving was going in the opposite direction, as Albiir Featherdeath was dispatched by Khermit of the Dirt Bursters. Carted off the field in serious pain, Featherdeath was quickly revived by Wardoves medical staff who knew that they were in no position to start losing players. Finally having enough of the interfering dropkicks, wight No Guts Bob knocked Tsih Killwillow out and opened a hole through which the slippery Ned Gummers could squeeze. lurching down the pitch, Gummers scored the first point of the match near the end of the first half. To the joy of the Wardoves fans, every elf knocked on his bottom during the first drive was ready to battle once more. Unfortunately, time wound down soon after the undead kickoff, and the score remained 1-0 through halftime.

Once they took the field again, the Blueriver Wardoves made no illusions about their high-powered airborne offense. Nearly every eligible receiver went straight down the middle of the field, and the Dirt Busters threw themselves at the elves to slow their charge. Only so much can be done against the incredibly nimble Wardoves receivers, however, and Angruil Grimmrose was out of harm's way without so much as breaking a sweat. Bendark Mossfang's clear vision and smooth throw found him, and just like that the score was tied at one.

With a near-perfect kick, the Wardoves were back on the defensive, and with a knockout blow from Magut to Bendyrm Cloudrender, the Dirt Bursters were back on the offense. Chompsalot snatched up the ball and went into the now familiar formation of absolute protective advance. Still plowing the way was Magut, this time throttling line elf Dellin Finchtalon into the infirmary, where he was fortunately restored to game shape by the medics. A near-break in the undead formation showed midway through the drive, but no elf could capitalize on the minor miscue. Once again, out of the backfield came the leaping Tsih Killwillow,but the Dirt Bursters were prepared for his antics this time. Chompsalot dealt with the free-falling catcher with ease, and Killwillow was left stunned on the pitch while the undead continued to advance. Now desperate, the elves saw their line dwindle further as Magut knocked out yet another player, this time leveling Pynian Grassripper. The final low came as ghoul runner Bahnaynay clawed through a gap in Stryth Leafmauler's armour and brought his hand out with the elf's heart as well. With the occasional cry of "Ka Li Mah" from the nearby crowd, Leafmauler fell dead to the ground, and Bahnaynay tossed the heart nonchalantly to the sidelines. Fortunately the elf doctors had enough know-how between them to repair and revive the gruesomely gutted line elf. While they worried about saving a life, however, Chompsalot had broken free of the remaining elf coverage and given the Dirt Bursters the lead once more, with barely any time left on the clock.

With the game all but in the body bag, the Dirt Bursters kicked off and, to no one's surprise, there once again was no referee present on the pitch. This time, we can safely assume that the official wanted nothing to do with what might happen after this crowd got out of the stands. Even more convenient for the Dirt Bursters was the seemingly random appearance of a meteor on the elven side of the field. The meteor proved weaker than advertised though, and the completely unlucky Stryth Leafmauler simply passed out from heat exposure. Time ran out, the game was over. A two to one victory for the returning champions.

This match's MVP awards went to Khermit of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and Dellin Finchtalon of the Blueriver Wardoves. After the match at a press conference, the Wardoves announced that line elf Mlalyn Firefawn had been moved from his on-field position to lead cheerleader for the ribbon-bearing Wardoves motivational dancers. He and a trio of comely elf maidens would round out the new cheer squad, a change in pace that we're sure Firefawn does not object to. The Wardoves also have announced the hiring of a quartet of assistant coaches to delegate the various aspects of their game. The Dirt Burster's for their part, announced that "Dwarf was back on the menu".

One more match remains, and it's the big one! Get your seats, get your popcorn, bring your jersey and your projectile weapons of choice! Tomorrow night, the BLOOD BOWL is on in the MMBBL! See you then!

Go'nads Go Further after Riotous Match

Group 1 semifinal action coming at you, but don't read it all in one bite, this one's hot! The Smash and Go'nads, coming off their victory against the Bloodsand Blasters, would do battle against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, who racked up an impressive score against the Brutakai Ragefangs on their way here. Only one of these two teams would get a card for the big dance, so let's see who had the best moves!

Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.

Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.

The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.

Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.

Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.

The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?

It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.

With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.

So, the dwarves triumph, and their playoff run shows a remarkable turnaround from their mediocre play in the regular season. The Bilgerunners, for their part, will be back again soon, hungry as ever. One more semifinal to go, folks, and it's off to the Blood Bowl Championship Game!

Wardoves Edge Meathooks in Thrilling Fashion

And here we are, down to the last quarterfinal match for the MMBBL Blood Bowl tournament! In this brutal installment, the heavy-hitting Meathooks square off against the high-flying Blueriver Wardoves, led once more by the inspiring presence of Prince Moranian, for a berth in the group two semifinal. Who will prevail? Who will survive? Who will clean up the mess afterwards? Read on to find out.

As the fans piled into their seats, the pleasant weather began to blow through on a stiff wind from the South. Kickoff saw what little shade remained disappear, and as Meathooks thrower Biggs McStabstab went to pick up the ball, the sun turned its fury to face the pitch, raising the temperature well past the comfort zone of the players. The Wardoves summoned their few cool breeze elementals, and the Meathooks took turns sitting in the refreshment tub to beat the heat. As the drive began, some showed early signs of fatigue, as McStabstab collapsed on the pitch soon after retrieving the ball. Offsetting the mistake, however, were Beef Bigaxe and Moose Burger, each knocking out an elf and securing a numerical advantage. Dodging nimbly through the orc line, several elves made breaks towards the ball, but Biggs McStabstab, heat-crazed and delirious, managed to pick up the ball again, yell at it, and hurl it towards Hammish the goblin. Upon catching it, Hammish was surrounded by his teammates in a protective cage formation. With practiced skill that came from hours of diet training and upper body workout, Gristly Slötturhaus scooped the little guy up and hurled him downfield. Landing safely, Hammish went untouched into the end zone. My, but that goblin can move!

With most players enduring the heat but several succumbing, the two teams returned to the field for the next drive. As the kick went off and Bendark Mossfang went to start the offense, Ramrod Meatmissile began the defense with a blatant foul against Angruil Grimmrose and was ejected from the match. Mossfang, the league's leading passer, went about business as usual, finding Fhorin Bloodmeadow with a pass in the gap left by Meatmissile's departure. Perhaps his mind wasn't entirely on the game, or perhaps the heat got to him, but Bloodmeadow somehow managed to trip up on the goal line before I could get the ball across. Luckily, the orc zone defense was far behind him, and he was able to stand up, dust himself off neatly, wave to some lucky lady in the crowd, and walk the ball in for the tying point.

Lining up their defense, the Wardoves showed little interest in confronting the slower orc offense in the dying seconds of the first half. Leaving only the required minimum of presence on the line of scrimmage, the bulk of the elf forces stayed well back in the secondary. With Gristly Slötturhaus declaring the charge by clobbering Valandil Dreadlily, the orc line surged forward, only to be stopped in their tracks, puzzled, as the Wardoves began an elaborate dance routine. The stadium support crew quickly caught on, and the Meathooks could only look on as the elves mocked their latest assault until the whistle blew. In this latest battle between orc and elf, it was clear just who had gotten served. The two teams returned to their locker rooms, the score knotted at one.

Receiving once again to start the second half, the Wardoves put together yet another of their signature, lightning-quick scoring plays. Bendark Mossfang, having retrieved the football, surveyed the field from the safety of the pocket, as his receivers coursed like gazelles down the field. In particular, Tish Killwillow was eluding coverage masterfully, and was therefore the prime choice of receivers for Mossfang to connect with. One sailing, soaring pass later, the ball was in Killwillow's surprisingly soft hands, and he was in a bed of not surprisingly soft pillows laid down by the Wardoves cheerleaders, leaping into the end zone to the delight of his fans. Could the Meathooks respond?

With flash and theatrics uncharacteristic of orckind, they did just that. Play began, Biggs McStabstab relayed the ball to Hammish, and the diminutive scoring machine pointed out to a spot downfield. Was he calling the shot? an onslaught of orcish offensive line work obscured the ref's view as the Meathooks' newly-hired backup goblin, Pork Rind, scampered onto the field bearing one of Tsih Killwillow's pillows! The Wardove defensive coordinators attempted to alert the ref to the situation, but before they could flag him down, Hammish was airborne. Sure enough, he flew right towards the pillow-bearing backup. Landing softly in a mocking pose, Hammish touched down and strutted into the end zone, making several rude gestures along the way.

At last, the heat and haze began to dissipate, but only because the sun's intense heat was replaced by intense brightness. Still, most players gladly accepted the trade of sweltering heat for mere dazzling sunlight. Confident that a back-and-forth battle such as this was playing well into their strategy, the Wardoves again set up their offense. With Mossfang recovering the football and tossing a rocket of a pass downfield to Fhorin Bloodmeadow, everything seemed to be going right for the elves. Everything, that is, until out of nowhere, Beefquake the black orc got his big mitt in the way, hauling down the pass for an unthinkable interception. The Wardoves fans were in shock, and the Meathooks fans were in a frenzy! Stomping downfield in his steel-toed boots, Beefquake was rallied around by his teammates - until his own feet tied him up and sent the massive blocker down in a corpulent heap. Still hanging close to the play, Bendark Mossfang swooped in to pick up the loose ball, and launched a pass to Angruil Grimmrose without so much as a second glance. The catcher was true to his route, and was still where he should have been. Catching the ball, he was virtually unchallenged in claiming the go-ahead touchdown.

The fans had switched gears entirely now, with the Wardoves faithful whooping and hollering, while the Meatheads' cries of victory turned into wails of anguish. In the confusion, someone - no one is sure who - had disposed of the referee, and the Meathooks grinned widely as they set their offense one more time, eager to finally play a game on bloodier terms. Setting up for the obvious goblin toss, the orcs were countered by an equally obvious - but safe - goal line stop defense from the elves. Pork Rind, the plucky little goblin, was in place, given the ball, and quickly surrounded by his biggest, meanest teammates. Suddenly, from nowhere, came Tsih Killwillow, positively livid at the theft of one of his professionally-fluffed pillows. Breaking formation, the nimble Killwillow charged headlong at the well-protected goblin, and at the last second took a flying leap over the wall of green flesh in his way. Coming down hard, with no turning back, Killwillow extended his right leg and drop-kicked the hapless Pork Rind in the skull. All the goblin could do was grab hold of the leg and twist, and the two of them went down in a heap, Tish needing to be carted off and the goblin lying stunned on the pitch. With time running out and Pork Rind not back to his senses, rage overtook the orc offense. Gristly Slötturhaus grabbed the little fellow anyway and pitched him overhand downfield towards the elves, hoping to exact revenge with some measure of goblin-related injury. The throw missed its mark, and Pork Rind was left to sort himself out as the whistle blew and Wardoves fans flooded the field in victory. Onward go the Blueriver Wardoves to meet the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters in the semifinal match! Homeward go the Meathooks, this disappointing season behind them.

MVPs of the match were line elf Dellin Finchtalon of the Wardoves, who displayed fantastic speed all game long, and Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks. If anything was learned on this day, it is that you do not, under any situation, come between an elf and his designer bed ware.

Now the semifinals are set, sportsfiends! Dwarves and Skaven, Elves and Undead! Who will advance on the road to victory, and who will be mere speedbumps along the way? Check back again soon to find out!

Go'nads Smash Their Way into Semifinals

Hello again, sportsfiends! Time for another playoff action update from the MMBBL. Today we've got the quarterfinal matchup between the Bloodsand Blasters, unlikely champions of the Bloodbath division, and the equally underdog Smash and Go'nads from the bottom of Deathdealer's barrel. Who's going to climb to the next level, the bones or the beards?

With excellent weather for the event, the Blasters elected to kick first and ask questions later. Though the majority of the fans on hand were wearing the beige and burgundy of the Go'nads, the Blasters' fans managed quite a racket for the kickoff to spur their team to victory. Unfortunately, it didn't pay off as almost as soon as the ball hit the turf, a handful of dwarves gang-piled West Nile Cyrus, knocking out the towering mummy and leaving a considerable divot in the field where he was felled. All over the pitch, more dwarves were taking the cue, dragging the bandaged brutes down to their level.

Meanwhile, runner Dick Gozinia was on the ball, quickly gaining midfield as fast as his legs could carry him. At last, the undead team's mummies got organized, and Battering Ramses laid a hit on Euin Whatarmy that was sure to keep the troll slayer out of contention for a while. The success was short-lived though, as line skeleton Dirty Suez's block on Adam Meway failed miserably, the dwarf instead grabbing the skeleton through the eye sockets and tearing his head from his spine. Bloodsand Blasters fans clamored for a facemask penalty, but none was assessed due to Suez' lack of a mask, or of a face, for that matter. Not even the skillful igor hired on by the Blasters could repair the damage, and Suez crumbled into dust as play went on.

The dwarves showed their superior skill in the face of the imposing Khemri might, and the mummies became too scattered to hope to preserve the defensive line. Desperate for a stop, a pair of skeletons managed to haul down Gozinia, but the alert runner deftly tossed the ball laterally to teammate Adam Meway, who pressed forward to the end zone. He too was stopped as Mister Urns hurled himself at the ball, knocking the carrier down and saving a touchdown - for a moment. Out of the press of bodies came Dick Gozinia once more, thanking Adam Meway in passing for the diversion, picking up the football, and carrying it home for the touchdown.

Not a great deal of time remained in the first half, but the teams lined up anyway, just to see what might happen, and several things did. Dusty Tombs unceremoniously dumped Dick Gozinia into the crowd, for starters, though his adoring fans carried him safely back to the dugout. Even more startling was the completion of a pass by Khemri thrower Hork Ptah - that's three to date, folks. Impressive for a player with no actual muscles. Finally, before the whistle blew, the aforementioned Tombs was caught fouling a downed dwarf lineman, evidently letting his frustration get the better of him. At the half, the dwarves led the undead one to nothing, and neither squad seemed comfortable with the margin.

Returning to the pitch, both teams were ready to set in for a real battle. The Go'nads, defending their one point lead, knew they would need the perfect balance of strong guarding against the press of mummies and mobile secondary coverage to contain any skeleton that might squeeze through. The Blasters, for their part, would need to simply overwhelm the dwarves at every turn and cripple enough of them to make a break for the end zone and the tying score.

The dwarves kicked off, and Hork Ptah looked to retrieve the ball, but found his bony digits unequal to the task. Every lost second played into the dwarven defense's hands, and troll slayer Gil T. Azell exemplified that fact by dumping newcomer skeleton Blitz-Ra Sheik Yirbouti into the stands. Finally, Ptah managed to get a hold of the ball, and handed off quickly to Mister Urns, who made his way clunkyly upfield. Dick Gozinia made the move to stop him, but ran out of gas while going for that extra yard, giving Urns the opening he needed. Nearing the end zone, Urns was close to glory, so close that he could have tasted it if he still had a tongue. Urns was hauled down abruptly as Gozinia recovered from his spill, and blitzer Moe Lester recovered the football for the Go'nads. With time winding down and the line dwarves holding midfield, Lester coolly lofted the ball to Dick Gozinia, and the latter held onto it until the final whistle blew. The final score, one to nothing for the Smash and Go'nads: An upset, yes, but with greater upsets still looming on the horizon.

The match MVP awards go to Drew Peacock of the Go'nads, for his exceptional play on defensive guard duty, and to Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters. Now the Smash and Go'nads look ahead to face the high-flying Blackwater Bilgerunners in the group 1 semifinal match. You'll learn all about it, sportsfiends, once we cover the fourth and final quarterfinal contest between the Blueriver Wardoves and the Meathooks. Check back soon!

Dirt Bursters Take Out Takedown

With one of the four quarter-final matches in the books, we bring you contest number two - the returning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters versus newcomers the Traumatic Takedown. it's easy to guess who the favourite was in this one, but don't for a second think that the chaos dwarves, centaurs and hobgoblins of the Takedown might simply have rolled over. They once again bulked up their line for this match, bringing in favourites like Morg N'Thorg and Zzharg Madeye to add some punch and pizazz. The weather was fine, the fans were roaring, and the first kickoff went to the Dirt Bursters.

The kick sailed high and slow enough for ghoul runner Chompsalot to get under the ball and catch it smartly. With that, the undead squad members set about their respective tasks, starting with Lez White the Wight. Whether for the intimidation factor or simply for the love of it, Lez crashed forward into a hapless journeyman hobgoblin, caving in the latter's skull and gorging himself on the soft, chewy center. Not to be outdone by his little buddy, Magut the mummy brought his wrath to bear on line dwarf Buster Kneecaps, though with less permanent results, only putting Kneecaps out for the rest of the game. With the ghoul rush in full swing, the Takedown looked to Morg N'Thorg for inspiration, as the star ogre used his superior size to knock out the plucky Lanks McBreak. The battle of attrition would be won by the Dirt Bursters, though, as the other mummy terror, Khermit, leveled Charlie Horse to the pitch, leaving medical staff to cart him away to heal in the off season. With the defense already dwindling, Chompsalot had no true obstacles to his first score of the game. 1-0 Dirt Bursters, with the crowd going wild.

Undermanned but hoping still to spring back, the Traumatic Takedown lined up to receive. The undead kickoff was exceptional, however, and Perry Carditis, the Takedown's hobgoblin quarterback, had a devil of a time getting on his way to retrieve the football. The Dirt Bursters, for their part, decided to press their current manpower advantage, and under the combined power of mummies, wights and zombies, the chaos dwarf defense crumbled. Blazing past Carditis went newcomer ghoul Bubtunk Bagrot, the controversial rookie who took over Ol Teabagger's #15 on the roster. Controversy was ignored by the Dirt Bursters fans, however, as Bagrot grabbed the ball and charged downfield for a quick second score.

Enough time remained on the clock, and the fans were bellowing for some last-second heroics, but unfortunately the half whistle blew before the Takedown could get organized on offense. Luckily, they would receive again at the start of the second half, hopefully to close the gap that the undead had opened up.

As the teams returned, it was evident that certain protocols of secret weaponry were being ignored, for the confident stride of Zzharg Madeye onto the field contradicted his apparent ejection after the first half. The refs were letting it slide, though, and the Dirt Bursters kicked off to restart the hostilities. Madeye must have missed the kickoff while jawing with an undead heckler, because the ball dropped right next to him without even so much as an attempt to grab it. The thunder of undead footsteps quickly reminded him of where he was, and after loading the ball into the muzzle of his blunderbuss, Zzharg fired the blackened squigskin downfield, into the waiting arms of hobgoblin catcher Plex Fracture. With most of the undead still stampeding down the pitch to get to Madeye, they had little time to turn and chase after Fracture, who ran through some remaining coverage and brought the Takedown within a point, putting up the touchdown for the chaos dwarves. As Zzharg Madeye returned to the dugout, the officials decided at last to eject him for good, and a scowling Madeye hurled his blunderbuss into the crowd in protest before being shown the door.

The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, as many have learned, are never content to sit on a one-point lead, and today was no exception. The high kickoff went to Chompsalot, but the ghoul couldn't hold on for the catch. Picking the football up from where it lay, then falling in with the protection of his fellow ghouls and helpful wights, Chompsalot became the focal point of a nigh-impenetrable undead offensive push. Resistance came, of course, but was rebuffed at every turn. Stumps O'Boggy, the slow but certain dispenser of doom, laid out another hobgoblin journeyman and adding another notch to the body count. The mighty Morg N'Thorg, though strong and capable, was awash in a sea of rot, and was brought down in a heap by the feisty Lanks McBreak. Still more pain was to be perpetrated by the Dirt Bursters as Lez White earned his second casualty of the night, putting the Buccinator out of contention for the remainder of the game. Again, the chaos dwarf resources were exhausted, and again Chompsalot was given a free pass to the end zone, putting the score up to 3-1 and restoring the two point cushion.

Down but not quite out, the remaining members of the Traumatic Takedown took to the field with Morg N'Thorg front and center. As the kickoff went up, a bit of unregulated enthusiasm came out of the stands, as Ortho Pnoea of the Takedown was stunned by a chunk of disturbingly-aged cheese chucked from the second deck. No sooner than he had dropped to the pitch, a shot rang out from the opposite side of the field, as the fan who had recovered Zzharg Madeye's blunderbuss took aim and unloaded at wight blocker No Guts Bob. The shot, filled with an assortment of cutlery, rocks, gunpowder and toenail clippings, bored a watermelon-sized hole in No Guts Bob's, well, guts, and a necromantic first-response team carted him away to the sidelines. Luckily for Bob, he was indeed gutless, and recovered from the injury with ease.

Looking for a sure thing as he picked up the ball, Perry Carditis saw nothing but double coverage all over the field - not a receiver in sight! But, seeing the hulking from of Morg N'Thorg pummeling zombies led him to pass the ball in that direction. With a cry of "Hey! Morg!", the hobgoblin quarterback hurled a pass to the ogre, who caught it, shrugged with little enthusiasm, and began to wade through the bodies of his enemies in the direction of the end zone. Pushing and shoving his way through the line, Morg seemed like the only thing going right for the Takedown, as Khermit the mummy earned his second round of brutal approval by clobbering centaur runner Dead Leg and putting him out of commission. The undead line began to shift away from the fallen dwarves and hobgoblins to confront Morg N'Thorg, and there proved to be enough resistance as Magut knocked the big guy to the dirt. On the spot immediately was the ghoul Ned Gummers, who was well on his way to the end zone the moment he snatched up the ball. Before he made it there, Plex Fracture was called on a foul against a downed zombie, but it mattered little. Time expired as Gummers crossed the goal line, and the Dirt Bursters were on their way to a semifinals berth. The final score - 4-1 for the returning champions.

Match MVPs for this quarter-final bout were Dead Leg of the Traumatic Takedown, displaying remarkable agility for someone with so many legs to look after, and Lanks McBreak of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who did the impossible in containing the mighty Morg N'Thorg almost single-handedly with timely blocks and tackles. Once again making a name for himself was Chompsalot the ghoul, who leaped and scrambled his way to two touchdowns in the contest.

Another day, another contender eliminated! Respect to the Takedown is due for taking on the champs in two consecutive matches, and we look forward to seeing more of them in the future! Tune in again soon for the next quarter-final summary!

Rat Rush Ravages Ragefangs

Welcome, sportsfiends, to our first quarter-final report from the MMBBL Blood Bowl tournament! Today's match saw the mean, green Brutakai Ragefangs square off against the sneaky, squeaky Blackwater Bilgerunners, battling it out for a chance to advance to the Group 1 Semifinals.

Winning the coin flip, the Bilgerunners elected to receive first. A high kick from the Ragefangs allowed Fivel Mausketrap time to catch the ball, and the first drive was underway. Surveying the field, Mausketrap lobbed a pass to the speedy Dingleberry, and the skaven, to no one's great surprise, bolted down the field, aiming to grab an early lead. Xarnak Bloodrage would have none of it, however, and the orc blitzer plowed into Dingleberry, tearing the ball free as the gutter runner hit the turf. Attempting to recover the ball, Kragor Clawfang slipped up in the ever-growing heap of bodies, and lost sight of the ball. To his dismay, Piddlepaw would quickly scoop it into his arms and bolt downfield, diving into the end zone and sliding across the grass like a big, greasy...well, you get the idea.

The next drive started with a quick snap count by the Ragefangs, and the optimal positioning allowed thrower Holo Axegut to quickly retrieve the football. His pass to teammate Krak Toothsnapper was dead-on, but Toothsnapper bobbled and lost it. Quickly looking for redemption, Krak launched a pass of his own to Raziek Bloodrage, and the orc captain made no mistake with the routine reception. Bursting through the line, Bloodrage somehow didn't catch sight of the towering new addition to the Bilgerunners, namely O'Rattigan the rat ogre. O'Rattigan blindsided the blitzer and knocked him flat, while Dingleberry arrived on the scene to recover the fumbled ball. The Ragefangs had trained for this kind of scenario, however, and no sooner than he had picked up the football, Rigor Stonestomper was upon him, leveling the runner with ease. Meanwhile, O'Rattigan resumed his brawl with Raziek Bloodrage, forcing the orc over the guardrail and into his adoring fanbase, who carried him safely back to the dugout. In from the backfield came Fivel Mausketrap, and making no mistake, tossed a pass to Piddlepaw, who caught it expertly. The last line of defense, Holo Axegut made his move to stop the wily skaven, but couldn't knock him over. With a timely support blitz from teammate Jenner, Piddlepaw was home free once again! Up two to nothing, the Bilgerunners had to be confident about their chances to advance.

As if the situation weren't tight enough for the Ragefangs already, their next drive would wind up cutting off circulation. The skaven read their offense perfectly and began a pass rush blitz, giving Krak Toothsnapper hardly any time to make a play. Under pressure from the rats bearing down on him, he couldn't get a proper handle on the ball. In swept Dingleberry with unparalleled agility, picking up the bobbled prize and depositing it in the end zone. The discouragement among the Ragefans was palpable, though the players themselves steeled their hearts for another drive before the half ended. Little came of the last-second setup, though O'Rattigan was toppled in a press of bodies.

As the second half began, the Ragefangs' head coach revealed that while he had no illusions of winning at this point, his team would be playing their hearts out regardless. His pep talk seemed to have galvanized the beleaguered orc force, as they took the pitch with heads held high. The skaven weren't about to rest on their laurels, however, and brought their A-game back to their defense as they kicked off. Krak Toothsnapper retrieved the kick and handed off to Raziek Bloodrage, and the inspiring captain led once more by example. Bloodrage charged, untouched, past the Bilgerunners line, and plowed into the skaven secondary. O'Rattigan might have made the difference, but Ragefangs blocker Kozu Ironhide was on "special assignment" to deal with the menace. Shrugging off the last vestiges of skaven defense, Raziek exploded over the goal line and roared his triumph to the remaining Ragefans in the crowd. Never accuse this orc of going quietly.

For the Blackwater Bilgerunners, their next drive was simply business as usual. Knowing that the key to victory now was confident, measured offense with no mistakes, they set about their regular routines in an attempt to seal the deal. Mausketrap threw a splendid catch to Dingleberry, who made his move downfield. The fly in the skaven ointment this time proved to be Kodish Manhammer, who sent Dingleberry packing for the rest of the game with a bone-crushing hit. Still, the Bilgerunners planned for this sort of event on a regular basis, and right behind the fallen Dingleberry was fellow runner Twinkletoes, picking up the football and squeezing past the Ragefangs defense for yet another Bilgerunners touchdown.

Still not content to accept defeat, the Ragefangs lined up with a play which looked much like any other. A high kick allowed Krak Toothsnapper to catch the ball to start the drive, and his throw to Raziek was once again complete. The difference in this strategy revealed itself soon afterwards, as the entire Ragefangs line simultaneously crashed upon the shores of the skaven defense. Erosion metaphors being what they are, the orc onslaught left no rat standing, and once more Kozu Ironhide kept the dangerous O'Rattigan well in check. With no one to challenge his journey to the end zone, Raziek Bloodrage once more bellowed his success. Win or lose, the Brutakai Ragefangs have proven their worth in the MMBBL, and this season in particular have been a thrill-a-minute to watch.

The orcs kicked off once more, and this time the ball was seized by a gust of wind which carried it out of play. Taking the touchback, Fivel Mausketrap sent another stellar pass to gutter runner Twinkletoes. Soon afterwards, Twinkletoes shared the love with blitzer Jenner, whose hard work was rewarded as he charged past the orc defense for the Bilgerunners' fifth touchdown of the match.

With little time remaining, the orc squad managed a few last stabs at glory, as Brax Elfeater throttled Stumptail the linerat, and Krak Toothsnapper managed another easy pass to Raziek Bloodrage. The whistle blew, and the skaven fans flooded the field as the Ragefangs retreated to the locker room. The newcomer skaven had gotten one step closer to the biggest cheese of all.

MVP awards for the match went to Ruushnak Nightwrath of the Ragefangs for his strong work on the line of scrimmage, and Piddlepaw of the Bilgerunners for his amazing performance and true "get up an go" attitude. Also notable was Jenner the blitzer, whose protection of his gutter runners was most remarkable.

Our first semi-finalist has reached the next level, and with impressive offensive fashion! Who will the Blackwater Bilgerunners face, and what of the other teams who are vying for the next step up the ladder? Tune in soon for more!