Wardoves Edge Meathooks in Thrilling Fashion

And here we are, down to the last quarterfinal match for the MMBBL Blood Bowl tournament! In this brutal installment, the heavy-hitting Meathooks square off against the high-flying Blueriver Wardoves, led once more by the inspiring presence of Prince Moranian, for a berth in the group two semifinal. Who will prevail? Who will survive? Who will clean up the mess afterwards? Read on to find out.

As the fans piled into their seats, the pleasant weather began to blow through on a stiff wind from the South. Kickoff saw what little shade remained disappear, and as Meathooks thrower Biggs McStabstab went to pick up the ball, the sun turned its fury to face the pitch, raising the temperature well past the comfort zone of the players. The Wardoves summoned their few cool breeze elementals, and the Meathooks took turns sitting in the refreshment tub to beat the heat. As the drive began, some showed early signs of fatigue, as McStabstab collapsed on the pitch soon after retrieving the ball. Offsetting the mistake, however, were Beef Bigaxe and Moose Burger, each knocking out an elf and securing a numerical advantage. Dodging nimbly through the orc line, several elves made breaks towards the ball, but Biggs McStabstab, heat-crazed and delirious, managed to pick up the ball again, yell at it, and hurl it towards Hammish the goblin. Upon catching it, Hammish was surrounded by his teammates in a protective cage formation. With practiced skill that came from hours of diet training and upper body workout, Gristly Slötturhaus scooped the little guy up and hurled him downfield. Landing safely, Hammish went untouched into the end zone. My, but that goblin can move!

With most players enduring the heat but several succumbing, the two teams returned to the field for the next drive. As the kick went off and Bendark Mossfang went to start the offense, Ramrod Meatmissile began the defense with a blatant foul against Angruil Grimmrose and was ejected from the match. Mossfang, the league's leading passer, went about business as usual, finding Fhorin Bloodmeadow with a pass in the gap left by Meatmissile's departure. Perhaps his mind wasn't entirely on the game, or perhaps the heat got to him, but Bloodmeadow somehow managed to trip up on the goal line before I could get the ball across. Luckily, the orc zone defense was far behind him, and he was able to stand up, dust himself off neatly, wave to some lucky lady in the crowd, and walk the ball in for the tying point.

Lining up their defense, the Wardoves showed little interest in confronting the slower orc offense in the dying seconds of the first half. Leaving only the required minimum of presence on the line of scrimmage, the bulk of the elf forces stayed well back in the secondary. With Gristly Slötturhaus declaring the charge by clobbering Valandil Dreadlily, the orc line surged forward, only to be stopped in their tracks, puzzled, as the Wardoves began an elaborate dance routine. The stadium support crew quickly caught on, and the Meathooks could only look on as the elves mocked their latest assault until the whistle blew. In this latest battle between orc and elf, it was clear just who had gotten served. The two teams returned to their locker rooms, the score knotted at one.

Receiving once again to start the second half, the Wardoves put together yet another of their signature, lightning-quick scoring plays. Bendark Mossfang, having retrieved the football, surveyed the field from the safety of the pocket, as his receivers coursed like gazelles down the field. In particular, Tish Killwillow was eluding coverage masterfully, and was therefore the prime choice of receivers for Mossfang to connect with. One sailing, soaring pass later, the ball was in Killwillow's surprisingly soft hands, and he was in a bed of not surprisingly soft pillows laid down by the Wardoves cheerleaders, leaping into the end zone to the delight of his fans. Could the Meathooks respond?

With flash and theatrics uncharacteristic of orckind, they did just that. Play began, Biggs McStabstab relayed the ball to Hammish, and the diminutive scoring machine pointed out to a spot downfield. Was he calling the shot? an onslaught of orcish offensive line work obscured the ref's view as the Meathooks' newly-hired backup goblin, Pork Rind, scampered onto the field bearing one of Tsih Killwillow's pillows! The Wardove defensive coordinators attempted to alert the ref to the situation, but before they could flag him down, Hammish was airborne. Sure enough, he flew right towards the pillow-bearing backup. Landing softly in a mocking pose, Hammish touched down and strutted into the end zone, making several rude gestures along the way.

At last, the heat and haze began to dissipate, but only because the sun's intense heat was replaced by intense brightness. Still, most players gladly accepted the trade of sweltering heat for mere dazzling sunlight. Confident that a back-and-forth battle such as this was playing well into their strategy, the Wardoves again set up their offense. With Mossfang recovering the football and tossing a rocket of a pass downfield to Fhorin Bloodmeadow, everything seemed to be going right for the elves. Everything, that is, until out of nowhere, Beefquake the black orc got his big mitt in the way, hauling down the pass for an unthinkable interception. The Wardoves fans were in shock, and the Meathooks fans were in a frenzy! Stomping downfield in his steel-toed boots, Beefquake was rallied around by his teammates - until his own feet tied him up and sent the massive blocker down in a corpulent heap. Still hanging close to the play, Bendark Mossfang swooped in to pick up the loose ball, and launched a pass to Angruil Grimmrose without so much as a second glance. The catcher was true to his route, and was still where he should have been. Catching the ball, he was virtually unchallenged in claiming the go-ahead touchdown.

The fans had switched gears entirely now, with the Wardoves faithful whooping and hollering, while the Meatheads' cries of victory turned into wails of anguish. In the confusion, someone - no one is sure who - had disposed of the referee, and the Meathooks grinned widely as they set their offense one more time, eager to finally play a game on bloodier terms. Setting up for the obvious goblin toss, the orcs were countered by an equally obvious - but safe - goal line stop defense from the elves. Pork Rind, the plucky little goblin, was in place, given the ball, and quickly surrounded by his biggest, meanest teammates. Suddenly, from nowhere, came Tsih Killwillow, positively livid at the theft of one of his professionally-fluffed pillows. Breaking formation, the nimble Killwillow charged headlong at the well-protected goblin, and at the last second took a flying leap over the wall of green flesh in his way. Coming down hard, with no turning back, Killwillow extended his right leg and drop-kicked the hapless Pork Rind in the skull. All the goblin could do was grab hold of the leg and twist, and the two of them went down in a heap, Tish needing to be carted off and the goblin lying stunned on the pitch. With time running out and Pork Rind not back to his senses, rage overtook the orc offense. Gristly Slötturhaus grabbed the little fellow anyway and pitched him overhand downfield towards the elves, hoping to exact revenge with some measure of goblin-related injury. The throw missed its mark, and Pork Rind was left to sort himself out as the whistle blew and Wardoves fans flooded the field in victory. Onward go the Blueriver Wardoves to meet the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters in the semifinal match! Homeward go the Meathooks, this disappointing season behind them.

MVPs of the match were line elf Dellin Finchtalon of the Wardoves, who displayed fantastic speed all game long, and Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks. If anything was learned on this day, it is that you do not, under any situation, come between an elf and his designer bed ware.

Now the semifinals are set, sportsfiends! Dwarves and Skaven, Elves and Undead! Who will advance on the road to victory, and who will be mere speedbumps along the way? Check back again soon to find out!