Another Big Thank You

Just a little post here to shout out a big "thank you!" to Impact Miniatures. Thanks to them, not only have we gotten our hands on heaps of really great looking figures, but in record-beating time to boot! As we combine the Games Workshop rules with these impressive new figures, we've gotten a lot of great ideas for teams going. This season, Valérie Cormier will be using a team of Egyptian animal aspects with Amazon team rules, while Ryan Keizer will be showing off his Siringit team of African wildlife on a Norse team template. This is just the beginning, too, as teams of ogres, gnolls, and all manner of bizarre beasts lurk on the horizon. If you read the MMBBL blog, go have a look, you won't be disappointed!

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 1: Expansion!

Hi there, sportsfiends! This is your commissioner with a special message that's sure to please.

First, however, I'd like to give an official nod to arguably the league's greatest coach since its inception. Curtis Hunt, the mastermind behind the dominant play of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, moved away this past fall, unfortunately for us and his two Spike! tournament teams, the Asgard Raiders and BloodDrunk Berserkers. Everybody back here in the Miramichi wishes him the best, thanks him for his challenging and skillful play every week, and also heave a collective sigh of relief that now, perhaps, someone else will be able to start winning trophies! In honour of his stellar play and great sportsmanship, A new award is going on the list for our upcoming seasons. From now on, the most outstanding rookie player will receive the Ol' Teabagger Memorial Chalice, an award which includes a bonus 50,000 gold for that player's team! The first such award will be presented at the end of the upcoming Dungeonbowl season. Thanks again, Curtis! Feel free to stop by for a game sometime.

Next, I'd like to thank our current coaches, including those who for reasons outside of the league's control, cannot play as much as they'd like to these days. Keith Dury, Jon Roth, Jai Gagnon, Sandy Miller, Ryan Keizer and Chris Mudd have formed a strong backbone for what has become a strong league. Special thanks go to Ryan and Chris, the former for his unflinching confidence in letting the bunch of us piggyback on his credit card to get all these orders done, and the latter for being a remarkable co-founder and having a wealth of knowledge of the rules to keep me from spouting all kinds of inaccuracies.

Now, the reason I'm making such a big deal over the coaches leads up to this announcement - the MMBBL is proud to announce another expansion! This time, we're adding four, count 'em, four new coaches to the stable! Andrew "Dismembery" Embury, Neil "Rabies" Davies, Valérie "Valkyrie" Cormier and James "Jimmy" Richards join the MMBBL with their first teams - Wood Elves, Necromantic, Amazon (pharaohs), and Norse respectively. We're all looking forward to the style, strategy and of course, humour that these four enthusiastic new players will bring to the league.

With these new additions, the current lineup of teams totals a whopping fourteen! The next post you see will have the rundown of the six teams in Deathdealer division, and will be followed by a look at the eight teams calling Bloodbath division their home. keep an eye open for updates all this week, leading up to Blood Bowl Day and the season kickoff!

Go-Getters, Record Setters, and Bed-Wetters: The Autumn 2008 MMBBL Awards!

And now what you fans have all been waiting for - the MMBBL's award ceremony for the Autumn 2008 season! We've got the best and the brightest, the toughest, the roughest, and of course, the worst performances in the league!

Starting things off is the winner of the Silver Elbow, awarded to the player with the most completed passes in the league. This one's a no-brainer folks. With his closest contender, Fivel Mausketrap, a full seven completions behind, our winner here is Lance Freely of the Fly-by Knights with a staggering twenty completions this season. With an arm that never tires and more moves than an afternoon at chess club, there's nowhere to go but up for this young gun.

Next on the list come the big playmakers. The guys who, through force of will, brute strength and sweet moves, got the ball over that goal line the most times this season. To no one's surprise the winner is Tsih Killwillow of the Blueriver Wardoves with seven big scores. He was chased the whole way, though, by teammate Angruil Grimmrose, as well as Knights' receiver Stanley Steele and Go'nads' runner Dick Gozinia with six scores each. Killwillow, who also took home the Spike! Magazine cover deal, has shown nothing but the best in leadership-by-example for his high-flying team.

Next up, what some say is the hardest award to win...on purpose at least. And in that spirit, there was no single winner of the Brass Doorknob award for Undeniable Interference. There were only three interceptions all season in this league, likely due to a combination of highly accurate throwers and incredibly stubborn runners. The three picks that did get pulled down came from a diverse set of players. Firstly, Sue Xtopilopicoatl of the Chupacabras, who showed us how high a leapin' lizard can get. Next up was Victor Dashing of the Knights who did a little bit of everything, and did it very well, this season. Finally, from the "really had no business doing anything with a hand that doesn't involve punching" category, Orok Deathbane of the Spinebreakers, who by reasons we can only describe as the quantum probability of time and space skipping a beat, pulled in an errant pass of his own.

There were several players in the running for the Commissioner's Medal for Exemplary Brutality this season...until Cludge Slamboni got it in gear and ran away with it. With a whopping six serious injuries to his name, the Smash and Go'nads' deathroller pilot left his mark on the league this year, a greasy, pulpy smear that no other player could hope to live up to. Worth mentioning, however, in the category of actual confirmed kills, are three players who left their marks on the rosters of their opponents. Barkley Hobbittosser made not only a name for himself, but likely a species, genus, and possibly a phylum as well when he obliterated an unknown Norse journeyman in a game against the Asgard Raiders. A few games later, Fly-by Knights ogre Barglesnart Livingstone abruptly and colorfully brought an end to chaos dwarf Rip Tendon after hurling the Traumatic Takedown player into a vat of known unknowns, possibly the most philosophical death in league history to involve turning purple and catching fire. Finally, Reptar the Reprehensible of the Sun Temple Chupacabras gorefully terminated Tanthil Twigbreaker of the Blueriver Wardoves in playoff action, leaving barely enough to pass off as a jar of pasta sauce, let alone enough for a proper burial.

The player to be awarded the most MVP accolades over the course of the season was the impressive Fhorin Bloodmeadow, with three such awards to his name. Despite a late-season injury which will no doubt affect his quick mobility, he remains a fantastic all-round athlete and a credit to the Wardoves squad. Many other players earned a pair of MVP nods, but close doesn't count in the MMBBL.

Finally, our award for overall points gain and season MVP award goes to...Victor Dashing of the Fly-by Knights! Dashing made his mark in every aspect of the game this season, earning two MVP awards, a trio of casualties, three touchdowns, a completion, and even an interception. He's been seen lately chilling with Spike! player of the year award winner Tish Killwillow at some of the biggest events in Blueriver and Valor Keepe, and it's rumoured that the two are planning to open a lucrative nightclub in the off season.

Rounding out the top ten of overall points were Tsih Killwillow with 27, Dick Gozinia and Kiro Stormaxe with 24, Stanley "Stainless" Steele with 23, Reedrush and Twinkletoes with 21, Lance Freely with 20, and Egor Longrow and Dingleberry with 19 each.

Finally, the saddest sack, the lamest duck, the Big Fat Zero award goes to...the Buccinator of the Traumatic Takedown! This surly underachieving line dwarf did nothing impressive except possibly be the most unimpressive player all season! Even his teammate Rip Tendon had the good sense to get himself killed. We'll expect more from the Buccinator when we see him next. Why? because frankly, it's impossibly to set the bar any lower than ground level!

That's the lot of them, sportsfiends! Here's wishing you and yours a happy holiday season, and be sure to check back in the off-season for updates regarding new teams, new coaches, rules, events, and above all, MMBBL mayhem!

Victory isn't Always Pretty

This Tuesday, the Blueriver Wardoves hosted the Razor Hill Spinebreakers to determine who would come away with the coveted Spike! Tournament trophy. The weather was fine and the crowd sufficiently rowdy, all that was left to do was flip the coin and let slip the dogs of war. The two big dogs on the field this day were the quick, agile, and well-groomed Prince Moranian, and the big, big and very big Ripper.

As the elves kicked off to the orcs, it became evident that more that the usual amount of dogs had been, as it were, let slip. The kick sailed out of bounds and, by some terrible happenstance, hit the recent winner of the Miss Blueriver Pageant square in the face, dislodging several teeth, bending her nose awkwardly, and blackening her eye beyond even the most desperate of mascara touch-ups. Enraged by this affront to beauty, the elf fans stormed the pitch, apparently deciding to blame this affront to beauty on the least beautiful things on the field, namely the Spinebreakers. As the dust settled, nearly three quarters of the greenskin squad lay half-conscious on the ground, giving the Wardoves a fantastic opportunity to steal a quick point.

Luckily for the orcs, a few competent players yet remained standing, including line orc Mok Rawtar, who got the ball out of the path of the onrushing elves and fell in behind a pair of blockers who miraculously remained on their feet. The Wardoves pride themselves on their mobility, however, and blitzer Albiir Featherdeath put that skill on display early, ducking in around the protection to knock Rawtar over and the ball loose. Now as the rest of the orc team came out of their collective daze, they began to crowd the ball and keep anyone at all from picking the thing up. Prince Moranian, seeing an opportunity to strike, burst forward and laid out orc blocker Kolark Bonefist, dropping the hefty fellow onto the ball itself. The football bounced and rolled about in the pile of bodies, until it eventually found its way into the sausage-like grasp of Mok Rawtar once more!

Once again, Albiir Featherdeath moved to knock the lucky line orc senseless, but this time Rawtar was ready for him, dropping the elf on his backside with a thud. The orc line pressed steadily forward. Tsih Killwillow then made a rush of his own, lining Rawtar up for a dropkick, but only succeeding in stifling the orc's pace for a moment. Still, the orcish line surged forward! Finally beinging their physical skills to bear against the elves, the orcs began to shape the drive the way they would like it, first as blocker Borgosh Hellrage put out Ellbin Ivythorn's lights, and soon after as Ripper singled out Prince Moranian from the press of bodies and stunned the elven star, further clearing a path for the orc runner. With a mighty heave the orc line surged once more, but the final charge that the elves were anticipating from Mok Rawtar never came. With a rare act of selflessness, the line orc handed the ball off to teammate Kiro Stormaxe, and of course, Kiro being Kiro, the blitzer was out of coverage like a bolt of green lightn ing and into the end zone for the first point of the game.

The Wardoves were not discouraged, however. An offense with their speed and grace would not be discoraged by the amount of time the orc drive had chewed up, and neither were they bothered when the Spinebreakers burst quickly over the center line on a blitz. With Prince Moranian plowing a path through the orcs' line, Tsih Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose charged downfield like two birds of prey diving for a juicy Blueriver salmon. Several other elves made a move to surround and protect the football, and when Galthuk Battlewail laid a hit on Albiir Featherdeath, the elf blitzer calmly rolled with the hit, grabbed the ball from the gorund and ducked out of harm's way! Handing off quickly to the recently-returned Bendark Mossfang, Featherdeath provided protection as his quarterback hurled the ball downfield to the waiting Angruil Grimmrose, but the play was spoiled when Grimmrose failed to reel the ball in safely. The whistle blew and the half ended, with the Razor Hill Spinebreakers up one to nothing.

With play resuming, the Wardoves lined up to receive the kickoff. Quick movement on their part opened up the field for them early on, and the the kick was very deep, Bendark Mossfang was able to get to the football before the orc defense became a threat. With coverage pressing in, Mossfang made his choice and fired a pass to Tish Killwillow, but the pass drifted and fell to the ground. One can hardly blame Mossfang for the miscue, as he was tormented from start to finish on this drive by Godan Rockmaul, who shoved him down and kicked mud in his face at every opportunity. Away from the play, line orc Rok Straglash made his bid for most brutal play of the game by grabbing elf receiver Angruil Grimmrose by the shoulders and faceplanting him into the pitch. Grimmrose was in rough shape, but some attention from the Wardoves' medical staff fixed him up quickly. Tsih Killwillow, for his part, had no such trouble on his side of the field, cartwheeling past a blocker, leaping over the heads of two blitzers, grabbing the ball and dodging his way into the end zone, as well as the hearts of Blueriver Wardoves fans everywhere, tying the game at one.

With a high kick, the orc drive was back underway, and Kiro Stormaxe started things off by coolly fielding the kick and getting on his way up the pitch. The toweing Ripper lended a very big hand by knocking out line elf Bendyrm Cloudrender, and blockers Brakgul Bloodsnarl and Orok Deathbane did their part by crashing through the elves' defensive formation to set up the front side of a textbook orc running cage. The cage is strong, but never foolproof when the other side is just as determined as the cage team, and Prince Moranian proved this with a key blitz, wrestling a surprised Kiro Stormaxe to the dirt and freeing the ball to skitter away into the dogpile. A desperate grab by the freshly-returned Angruil Grimmrose was a bust, and the ball bounced on, this time into the waiting hands of Soran Steelfury. With a yell of triumph to alert his teammates, Steelfury triggered an herculean blocking frenzy which scattered the elf defenders left and right, clearing a path for the blitzer to dodge away from coverage and high-step his way over the goal line. Precious little time remained on the clock, and the moans from the saddened home crowd were drowned out by the roar of the visiting orc supporters.

The Wardoves, for their part, lost with grace. Pulling back from the line on the ensuing kickoff, Bendark Mossfang tossed a pass to Tsih Killwillow, and the Wardoves, without the time needed to make a nother trip to the end zone, bowed to their opponents as time expired. The Razor Hill Spinebreakers, roaring with the thrill of victory, had succeeded where so many other orc teams had failed. Honouring their ancestors and the entire orcish nation alike, this rough-around-the-edges group of green greenskins showed that, at least for today, Might does indeed make Right.

Despite the loss, the Wardoves have cause for celebration. Despite brutal injuries that would have sent lesser teams into a collective fetal crouch, the elves rebounded again and again from adversity, and one elf in particular had something big to show for it. Flanked by the gorgeous models from Spike! Magazine's "Swimsuit and Siege Weaponry" calendar, Tsih Killwillow was awarded the Spike! player of the year award. Look for his picture on the cover of Spike! next month, as well as his usual appearances in the Wardoves' calendars, posters, and limited edition collectors' plates!

MVP awards for the Spike! tournament finals went to Prince Moranian on the Wardoves' side, and to Galthuk Battlewail of the Spinebreakers for some keen, mean defensive play.

Talk about an underdog run, folks! Fighting their way through lizardmen, humans and elves, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers pulled through with just the latest in a long line of thrilling victories to claim their place in MMBBL history. Will they duplicate their success in the coming Winter season? Keep it locked on the MMBBL to find out!

Marathon Match: The Beard and the Beautiful

What a match! What a match, folks.

In the Deathdealer division finals this past week, with the Blueriver Wardoves visiting the Smash and Go'nads in a packed house at Fjord Stadium, MMBBL history was made as the longest match to date took double overtime to resolve. While we at the press office do our very best to convey the essence of the sport to you, we can truly say this time that for the full effect, you had to be there.

With regular favourite Prince Moranian taking the field with his elven comrades, and rookie line elf Kebler Fernblade making his debut, the Wardoves won the opening coin toss and chose to receive first. A high kick was fielded by Tsih Killwillow, and the offensive charge was spearheaded by Moranian, though the dwarves did well in holding the line. As Killwillow moved into the safety of a wide cage of offensive protection, Angruil Grimmrose coursed down the sideline on his familiar route. The dwarves began to show their might however, as Holden McGroin knocked out blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow and Gil T. Azell laid out Pynian Grassripper. With his protection collapsing, Killwillow left the pocket and dashed forward, leaving the Go'nads defenders in the dust before tossing the ball to Grimmrose, who was into the end zone for the first point before you could say "two-in-one shampoo and conditioner".

The following kick by the Wardoves was bad, and sailed out of bounds. Dick Gozinia started the play with ball in hand and began his march upfield. Leading the charge, of course, was the immense influence of Cludge Slamboni and his custom deathroller, the latter rolling right over the hapless Kebler Fernblade, putting the elf out of contention and likely eliminating his chances of competing through the rest of the playoffs. Intent on retaliating, elf blitzer Albiir Featherdeath charged headlong at dwarf runner Adam Meway, but would up knocking himself out when he was caught in the chin by Meway's helmet as the shorter player turned to face his assailant. Meanwhile, Dick Gozinia continued his steady pace up the middle of the pitch. Angruil Grimmrose made his bid to show his skill both defensively and offensively, leaping at Gozinia with the hope of knocking the ball free - but Dick stiff-armed the receiver into an early nap and kept wading through the pile-up towards his goal. nothing the elves could throw at him seemed to stick, and what's worse, Cludge Slamboni had turned his attentions to the talented Prince Moranian! With a sickening crunch, Moranian was trampled into the dirt, and was later dragged off-field and airlifted by wyvern to the Star Players' Special Hospital and Spa. With the way paved neatly as Herb Eaverstinks abruptly knocked out Tsih Killwillow, Dick Gozinia trundled his way into the end zone to tie the match at one apiece.

Little time remained int he opening frame, but the elves did manage to gain control of the ball, and the newly re-awakened Albiir Featherdeath managed a pass to Angruil Grimmrose before time expired. With an enthusiastic crowd and great efforts by both sides, the Deathdealer Division championship was looking like a great game already.

With the second half, many boos rained down from the elf sections of the audience, as the highly illegal Cludge Slamboni returned to the pitch. Later reports suggest that when the head referee noticed that every wagon close to his own int he parking lot outside was crushed to splinters, he decided that the deathroller was, in fact, a highly advanced form of protective codpiece. With the ruling, Slamboni wheeled his codpiece into place on the field and the second half was underway.

On the kickoff, the Wardoves were quick to jump out across half and make their move to get the ball before the dwarves knew what was going on. The dwarves were keen on this drive however, and Adam Meway had the ball securely under his arm by the time the elves were anywhere near him. From there, the Go'nads continued their punishing physical style of play, with Moe Lester and Achilles Punks knocking out Fhorin Bloodmeadow (again) and Ellbin Ivythorn, respectively. The tenacious dwarf guards seemed to have no trouble keeping the elf defense at bay, and when Albiir Featherdeath finally cracked the protection and made a hit on Adam Meway, the dwarf runner quickly dumped the ball behind himself into the waiting arms of the ever-alert Dick Gozinia. Unfortunately for him, Valandil Dreadlily was in the perfect position to drag Gozinia to the ground and knock the ball loose. Gozinia showed incredible resolve in getting back on his feet, blitzing through Dreadlily to the ball, and finally handing it off to blitzer Stu Padasso, who charged the rest of the way into the end zone, giving the Smash and Go'nads their first lead of the night.

With time of the essence, the Blueriver Wardoves now were in need of a point to keep their hopes alive. They got the help the needed in one form or another as, while Cludge Slamboni refreshed himself on the sideline, a handful of rowdy, presumably slightly-tipsy elves crashed through the South bleachers riding atop the deathroller! While most of the dwarves escaped their wrath, the Wardove Winos managed to knock a handful of them into a stupor, a situation which the elf team decided to take full advantage of. Storming over midfield, the elves quickly broke past dwarf coverage as Valandil Dreadlily got his hands on the football. Dreadlily then handed off to Dellin Finchtalon, who hurled the ball right to Tsih Killwillow, running in the clear down the sideline, catching the ball over his shoulder without stopping. Uncatchable at the best of times, Killwillow was unopposed in his run to the end zone, and with very little time left on the clock, it looked as though overtime were looming.

Again, the elves were moving quickly over the midfield line as soon as the ball was snapped. Luckily for the Go'nads, Adam Meway recovered the ball before a Wardove could lay a hand on it, and managed to hold on until time expired. To the delight of several thousand fans, this epic struggle would continue a while longer.

The Wardoves won the coin toss and began their drive in typical fashion, catching the defense off guard and immediately setting about their own style of play regardless of the opposition's tactics. Unfortunately for the elves, backup quarterback Valandil Dreadlily had some difficulty reigning in the ball from where it landed, possibly due to nerves. Eventually he got ahold of it though, and retreated with protection into the backfield while he waited for his receivers to get into the open. The receivers would prove to have a very difficult time of that, being literally up to their armpits in bearded defenders. It is, of course, nearly impossible to keep an elf caged for very long, and both Tish Killwillow and Angruil Grimmrose managed to squeeze out of coverage and burst downfield. The stalwart dwarves caught up though, and Tish was knocked face-first into the pitch, leaving only Grimmrose in relative clear.

Things were going well for the elves until another bout of bad luck and brutal impact struck. dodging out of coverage to make a play, blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow took a very ugly spill, and was carted off the field with a brace around his neck. It was later learned that Bloodmeadow had actually fractured several vertebrae, and was lucky not to be paralyzed. The unfortunate meaning for the Wardoves is that their star blitzer's season is effectively over. To make matters worse, Drew Peacock finally caught up with and leveled Angruil Grimmrose, leaving the elves with very little in the way of offensive options. Desperate for a play, Dreadlily threw the ball up for Albiir Featherdeath, but the catch wasn't made, and time expired on the first overtime period with the teams still deadlocked at 2.

Depleted in number, the elves were forced to kick off to the dwarves and do their best to stop the beardy tide. Elite runner Dick Gozinia was quick to recover the ball, cutting back inside to the middle of the field and lining up behind a veritable wall of dwarves. The Wardoves managed to briefly level the playing field when Valandil Dreadlily knocked out Stu Padasso, but the Go'nads paid the elves back with interest when Phil DeGrave put Albiir Featherdeath out of the match for good. With Dick Gozinia passing midfield, the elves needed a stop, and a stop they did get. Pynian Grassripper proved the hero of the day as he knocked Gozinia down and swatted the ball free, then picked it up and hurled it with hope to Tsih Killwillow, downfield in coverage. The catch was good, and Tsih broke free, only to be pursued by Adam Meway and nearly caught once more. Tsih had all the right moves, though, and after breaking from coverage again, crossed the goal line to give the Wardoves the lead once more. A quick look to the clock confirmed the elf team's hopes - there was simply no way the dwarves could answer in time.

The final plays of the game were not much more than a formality, and at the end of it all, with a surly home crowd skulking away, the Blueriver Wardoves and their fans rejoiced in this incredible victory, and punched their tickets to the finals, back home at the Battlefield of Good Sport!

MVP awards for the match went to he Smash and Go'nads' Holden McGroin, and to the Wardoves' Bendyrm Cloudrender. Also of note were catcher Angruil Grimmrose's striking display of toughness, and Dick Gozinia's equally startling maneuverability.

The finals! Wardoves! Spinebreakers! Orcs and elves! Nothing else needs to be said - all that remains is to do.

Spinebreakers Stun Knights to Advance

Time once again for another exciting update from the MMBBL Spike! Tournament playoffs! This time, it's the highly-rated Fly-by Knights hosting the newcomer Razor Hill Spinebreakers. While the knights may have been the favourites early on, their close victory over the Pancake Valley Shortstacks may have take a toll on them, physically and mentally. The Spinebreakers, for there part, have never been more ready to smash things.

Under bright conditions the two squads met at Valor Keepe Stadiumme. By way of inducements, the Spinebreakers had acquired the services of Ripper the troll, and had also made use of some very upscale training facilities to hone themselves into gameday weapons. The Knights would benefit from both a precautionary addition to their medical staff, as well as the enthusiasm of their roaring fans.

The Spinebreakers won the coin flip and chose, unsurprisingly, to receive first. A roar from the crowd on the kickoff seemed to inspire the humans briefly, but the tide of battle would turn quickly for the greenskins. with Kiro Stormaxe fielding the kick, troll blocker Zor Loneblow launched himself towards the Knights' Barglesnart Livingstone, in what promised to be an epic struggle of two overlarge, maladjusted meatheads. The impact was truly bonecrunching, with Loneblow falling to the ground stunned, and Livingstone being seriously injured. Luckily for the ogre, the Knights' medical staff patched him up nicely, ensuring his return for the next drive. Meanwhile, sheltered by the aforementioned mountains of mayhem, Kiro Stormaxe had made his move and crossed half, a screaming green bullet en route to the end zone. Human running back Jacques Strappe made a final bid to stop him, but Stormaxe was able to fend off his efforts and stride in to register the game's first point.

From hereon in, it appeared as if the Knights had been cursed. The coaches did their best to settle their charges down, but when the next drive started, Brad Attitûd dropped a costly pass from Lance Freely and he play began to fall apart. Worst of all for the Knights, sturdy lineman Abraham Sandwich was clobbered by Ripper, and needed the efforts of the already hard-pressed apothecary crew to repair the damage to his leg. The free ball, meanwhile was pounced on by orc blitzer Galthuk Battlewail, who plowed stubbornly through the secondary and crossed the goal line, putting the Spinebreakers ahead 2-0 before the halftime whistle blew. The orcs couldn't have imagined a better start, while the humans were watching yet another campaign's hopes crumble.

The human fans, however, would rather resort to violence than despair. As the second half began, countless hooligans dressed in Knights blue and green stormed the pitch and laid waste to the orcish defense. A few managed to remain upright, but for the most part the Spinebreakers defense had been folded up and put away like laundry. The ball came to lineman Abraham Sandwich, who, seeing a opportunity to help a friend out, handed off to Barglesnart Livingstone. Ball in hand, the ogre barreled downfield and was nearly into the end zone, only to be somehow stopped dead in his tracks by a lone orc who had probably expected to be a speedbump instead of a giant-killer. Livingstone tumbled to the ground, unharmed but dazed, the ball slipping from his grasp. Fortunately for the knights, they rarely travel alone. Chet Jackweed picked up the ball and tossed it to Cyrano de Baggagerack, who completed the play and brought the Knights within a point of the Spinebreakers.

With the ball now in the orcs' possession again, the humans would need a steal if they ad any hope of victory. While the Spinebreakers started off badly when Kiro Stormaxe failed to field the kick, their spirits were lifted shortly thereafter when blocker Kolark Bonefist knocked rookie lineman Humphrey Bogatyr out. Eventually, Stormaxe got his hands on the ball and handed of to the very brave (or very foolish) Huck Skudfungus. Ripper then picked the little fellow up and hurled him downfield, and the goblin landed safely to the dismay of the hometown crowd. Out of nowhere, though, came blitzer Cyrano de Baggagerack, stripping the ball loose and saving the Knights' chances. Skudfungus recovered and got to the ball again, but couldn't get far enough away from de Baggagerack, who mashed the little greenskin much more thoroughly this time. Skudfungus was hauled away with serious concussion symptoms (which are hard to detect as goblins technically exist in concussion-like symptoms on a normal, daily basis).

On the scene to recover the ball was Victor Dashing, and with little time remaining he threw the ball on a prayer to the streaking Chet Jackweed, who caught the pass and was closing in on the end zone! It looked like there would be another overtime for the Knights, until disaster struck. Jackweed lost his footing as he fell into the crater left by Barglesnart Livingstone after his fall in the first half, and the ball squirted free before he could cross the line with it. A shocked crowd looked on as the clock burned out and the Spinebreakers began to celebrate. With a two to one victory, the orcs had made their way to the finals, and in doing so maintained the strong tradition of orc teams in the MMBBL's growing history. The Knights, however, would be cleaning out their lockers yet again - will they ever find the success they pursue so doggedly?

MVPs of this semifinal match were Wamsley Wedgeworth of the Knights and and Rok Straglash of the Spinebreakers, who mimicked his teammate Mok Rawtar's training regime of shifty, dodgey zone defense.

What remains to be seen, now, is who the Spinebreakers will face in the finals! Look for the next update soon to follow, as the Smash and Go'nads host the Blueriver Wardoves in an iconic battle of pointy ears vs. beardy beers! See you then!

Wardoves Thrill Home Crowd, Defeat Chupacabras

In front of a massive crowd of over 32,000 roaring fans, the Blueriver Wardoves played host to the Sun temple Chupacabras in quarterfinal action this past week. While the elf squad was favoured in experience, the wily Chupacabras upset them in the first week of the regular season, so it was anyone's guess who would be moving on to the semifinals. This time, the lizardmen had the added benefit of one Hemlock, known as the "stabbiest lizard who ever stabbed".

A gust of wind signaled the start of the match, with the elves kicking the ball away. Pablo Xtopilopicoatl was the skink on the spot, fielding the ball and picking his run path through up to the line, and eventually into the stifling Wardove zone defense. Up on the line, a see-saw battle of guts and grit was taking shape, with the first serious blow being dealt by line elf Dellin Finchtalon, who soundly clobbered skink runner Gecko Xtopilopicoatl. Gecko was alright, but sustained enough damage to bench the little fellow for the rest of the day. Enraged by this attack on his skilled teammate, saurus Iguanadon Quixote burst through coverage to make a retaliatory shot against the Wardoves' talent - namely talented (and recently hard-luck) thrower Bendark Mossfang. Quixote hit the elf head-on, pushing him to the earth and crushing his collarbone under the weight of several hundred pounds of concentrated reptile. The crowd was hushed as Bendark was carted off the field, lacking the strength in his arms to give even a "thumbs up" to calm the panicked young ladies in the stands. The Wardoves would be without the catalyst of their explosive offense for the rest of this game, and more time still should they advance to the next round.

Demoralized and disorganized, the elf defense was cleanly spread away by saurus aggressors. With only the briefest of delays, Pablo Xtopilopicoatl crossed the goal line to give his Chupacabras the lead. The way things had started for the Wardoves, history looked poised to repeat itself.

Steeling themselves against Fate's cruel whims, the Blueriver Wardoves started their first offensive drive with unlikely replacement quarterback Valandil Dreadlily receiving the kick. Not a single elf finger went uncrossed in the entire stadium as Dreadlily got his hands on the ball, and smartly threw his first completion of the day to the illustrious and industrious Tsih Killwillow. Forgotten was the heartwrenching departure of Bendark Mossfang, replaced by the torrent of emotion unleashed from countless young maidens as this athletic dreamboat set sail towards the end zone. With steady blocking from his linemen, Tsih cruised to an easy touchdown, backflipping into a heap of pillows and rose petals, and restoring the Wardoves' battered morale.

Not enough time remained in the first half for another score, though in the ensuing drive, the Chupacabras made their best effort to collectively mangle Tsih Killwillow. The wily catcher was not to be caught, though, and as the whistle blew for halftime, the stands were filled with the chanting of his name.

Depleted in number but bolstered in spirit, the Wardoves took the field to start their offensive drive in the second half. Once more, walk-on quarterback Valandil Dreadlily fielded the ball and set up his offense. As a surprise to everyone involved, Dreadlily changed the play almost from the outset, confusing the lizardmen and buying time for a sneaky gadget play. As the Chupacabras stormed forward, Dreadlily lobbed the ball to blitzer Albiir Featherdeath, who was in the clear and ran laterally along the line of scrimmage. With the defense shifting their focus, Featherdeath quickly found Dellin Finchtalon alone with no coverage, and passed to the superlative line elf. Before the defense could recover from yet another split-second change, Finchtalon was making long strides past the skink secondary and was across the goal line to give the Wardoves a 2-1 lead.

Not a team to panic in the slightest, the Chupacabras were confident that they could make up the difference in their own style - swift scoring lined up behind a punishing offensive line. On a quick snap on the next drive, they certainly proved the strength of the latter. Taken off-guard by the sudden movement of the lizardmen line, Tanthil Twigbreaker was blindsided by the hulking Reptar the Reprehensible and gored viciously on the saurus' bone helmet. Officials attempted to calm Mr. the Reprehensible down, but the blood was singing in his ears and no one could get near him. Eventually, once the play had moved away from the line and down the field, he caught his breath, and regained his eyesight as what was left of Tanthil Twigbreaker slid off of his helmet, hitting the pitch with a squishy thud.

Unfortunately for the Chupacabras, Reptar's strength was missed on the drive, and the elf defenders had brought the forward progress to a standstill. As the ball squirted loose, who should come across it but Valandil Dreadlily, and the elf that destiny had chosen for this match did what he knew he had to do. Lizardman coverage was everywhere, but looking downfield, Dreadlily saw glittering light in the midst of scaly darkness. Hurling the ball forward, Dreadlily found Tsih Killwillow, who reeled in a one-handed grab that had the whole stadium gasping. He landed, righted himself, and found paydirt in the end zone. Looking to the clock and the scoreboard to see his team ahead by two touchdowns, Tsih grabbed the nearest cheerleader and kissed her in a way that made everyone - even the lizardmen, to whom kissing is a sort of half-assed way of eating people - very jealous.

The two teams lined up again for the last few seconds of the match to play out - merely a formality. The final score at the buzzer was 3-1 for the Blueriver Wardoves, who will advance to the semifinals to play the Smash and Go'nads for a chance to play in the Spike! tournament finals. MVPs of the match were Tsih Killwillow of the Wardoves, whose skill in taking the aggressive attentions of the Chupacabras was nothing short of monumental, and Iguanadon Quixote of the Chupacabras, who was responsible for the crunchy crippling of Bendark Mossfang.

The semifinals are set! Orcs and Humans! Elves and Dwarves! Sometimes, it just comes back to the classics, doesn't it?

Spinebreakers Edge Carnosaurs in the Bog

With the sun shining through the parting mists of the Bog, Tuesday saw the third of four quarterfinal matches, as the Darkmire Carnosaurs played host to the Razor Hill Spinebreakers. The crowd favoured the home team, likely as hardly anyone but the Carnosaurs themselves know how to properly navigate Darkmire without being eaten by a rampaging ultragator. The Spinebreakers did win the coin toss, however, and elected to receive for the opening play.

Despite a gust of wind sweeping over the playing field, Kiro Stormaxe was able to field the ball cleanly and hand it off to goblin newcomer Huck Skudfungus, who braced himself as Zor Loneblow lifted him high in the air for a throw downfield. Regrettably, Skudfungus was not well-gripped by the troll, and fell back to the ground, barely landing safely. The Carnosaurs were ready for such an opportunity, and Wildfang the saurus crashed headlong into Skudfungus, knocking the ball and several teeth loose. What was not according to the lizardmen's plans was the ball squirting free and bouncing directly into the arms of Kiro Stormaxe once more. Kiro was off like a shot, breaking for the far side of the field, looking for an open running lane. The Spinebreakers' blockers were happy to make one for him, and were given no trouble from the larges lizard on the pitch, the thoughtful Grimjaw the Wise, who seemed to be absorbed in much more cosmic consideration. Assisted by line orc Mok Rawtar and blitzer Galthuk Battlewail, Kiro Stormaxe plowed past the saurus line and through the skink secondary, until finally crossing the goal line for the game's opening point.

The orc drive had taken up much of the first half, but the Carnosaurs were the faster team and could still plan for a touchdown before the halftime gong. The kickoff, though high, was not fielded cleanly by Reedrush. Fortunately, it took a favourable hop and he was on the ball in a flash after it landed. The orcs showed some speed of their own, coupled with good play-reading, and Godan Rockmaul headed off Reedrush before he could break past the line of scrimmage. The ball skittered away to Mudrunner, but he too was bowled over by Rockmaul, and before another skink could get his claws on the ball, time had expired.

As the game resumed, the Carnosaurs' skinks made ready for a speedy return and a tying score. Mudrunner was quick to recover the football and hand off to Reedrush, but orc blitzer Soran Steelfury gave the lizardmen a case of deja vu, tackling the skink to the ground and stripping the ball free. Somehow, in the ensuing mess of bodies, Kiro Stormaxe emerged from the pile, ball in hand, covered in tiny bite marks. Seeing this, the blockers and troll started to push forward, making as much room for their star blitzer as possible. When things jammed up against a wall of saurus blockers, Kiro moved laterally to find a new opening. Finding nothing, he unloaded a pass to fellow blitzer Steelfury, but the pass was bad and the ball was dropped.

Seizing the opportunity and the chance at a bit of heroism, Reedrush dared to be great in lining up Steelfury for a hit...only to crumple like a cardboard battlement on impact. Reedrush was dragged off the field, having sustained some bruised ribs and wounded pride. His attack may have been enough to delay the orc drive, though. Failing to get out of coverage cleanly, Soran Steelfury fell to the earth, leaving the football unguarded. In came Windwhip, the number ten skink on the Carnosaurs squad,gathering up the ball and falling in behind a wall of saurus line lizards. Coursing up the sideline en masse, Windwhip handed off to teammate Pondskipper, who was uncatchable in his drive to the end zone. The game now tied, it would remain a battle of wills and strength to win the day.

Some intense shouting from the orc coaching staff brought the greenskin players out of their lost-lead funk, so much that at the start of the very next drive, Kolark Bonefist drove himself headlong into Threehorns the saurus, cracking the latter's bone helmet and giving the large lizard a serious concussion. Almost immediately thereafter, Borgosh Hellrage slammed Wildfang to the ground, knocking him out and creating an even bigger size gap between the two squads. With Kiro Stormaxe getting ahold of the ball, the orc line pushed forward as one determined beast, held up in spots briefly by the brave, but outmatched, skink secondary. Focusing all their attention on Kiro, the lizardmen were caught off-guard when he handed off to hard-working Godan Rockmaul, who burst through the defenders and, as the dying seconds ticked away, won the game for the Spinebreakers. They were on their way to meet the Fly-by Knights in the semifinals.

MVP awards for this match went to Mok Rawtar, whose shifty play mirrored that of his teammate Rok Straglash, and Swiftclaw, who has displayed his development as a specialized receiver in the diverse Carnosaurs offensive playbook.

One quarterfinal match to go, sportsfiends: When the Blueriver Wardoves face off against the Sun Temple Chupacabras, we'll have our semifinals set, and another chapter in the MMBBL's marching history written! Until next time.