Spinebreakers End Downhill Slide In Bleakwood

Kay Offwrong reporting again, covering the recent game between the Razor Hill Spinebreakers and the newcomer elven squad from Bleakwood, the Breakers. The stadium was filled with more than 25,000 fans, over half of which were cheering on the hometown team, giving them a nice advantage.

The coin toss went the way of the elf squad, but in a bit of a surprise they elected to defer to the 2nd half. As the kick sailed into the air, dark clouds emerged and a groan went up from the stadium as rain hit the field. The orc line surged but couldn't have their way and only managed to push the Breakers defensive line back. Gan'Rul Bloodeye, the Spinebreaker thrower, was unable to pick up the ball in the rain and bobbled it. With this slight mishap, Eldril Sidewinder stared deep into the eyes of black orc Brakgul Bloodsnarl and in an instant the big orc was in a trance, allowing the Breaker defense to make their move towards the ball, charging in on the frustrated Bloodeye. Once the Elves had rushed past him, Bloodsnarl snapped out of his daze and took his frustration out on Eldril, throwing his shoulder and possibly one or two kitchen sinks into the hit. Sidewinder hit the ground clutching his ankle, and medical staff removed him from the field of play, later deciding that he should remain out for the remainder of the match.

Bloodeye managed to calm his nerves, and, hands shaking, picked up the ball to make his way into the protection of a deadly orc cage. Zor Loneblow, Spinebreaker troll, and Long Bombadil, the Breakers' inducement-paid treeman, engaged each other in a grapple that proved more potential than kinetic. The orcs slowly and methodically made their way over half. Cirdan Elensar laid a strong hit on Gan'rul Bloodeye, popping the ball loose. Soran Steelfury managed a terrific hit on wardancer Fazmir Selefar, who needed some time to rest in the infirmy until the next drive. Steelfury then scooped up the ball and made his way into the end zone for the game's first point.

The next kick from the orcs resulted in a quick rearrangement of their defense. The Kick landed nicely and Elrohir Nolatari picked up the ball. His pass to Finrod Celebrindal somehow slipped out of the catcher's hands, and the Orc line again surged, but again only managed to shove the nimble elf line. Once more, Nolatari scooped up the ball, and this time made a great pass to Celebrindal, but the whistle soon sounded to end the half.

The kickoff for the 2nd half was greeted with sunshine as the rain had decided to dissipate. Again Elrohir Nolatari was back to get the ball, but his pass was off target and sailed into the crowd. Soran Steelfury arrived, and got his hands on the ball as the crowd tossed it back onto the field. Fazmir Selefar leaped into the air, looking to land a kick on Soran, but instead landed in a heap at the orc's feet, and the Spinebreakers moved downfield. Mok Rawtar led the charge, hitting Olwe Nenharma hard enough to warrant some time to recuperate. Cirdan Elensar roared back to the play and hit Steelfury, popping the ball loose, but he was unable to hang onto it, watching it land in the grass next to Godan Rockmaul. Out of all the chaos, Steelfury managed to get his hands on the ball again, but his journey to the endzone was cut short when he tripped himself up. The final score 1-0 Spinebreakers and their loosing streak was over.

MVPs of the match were Gan'Rul Bloodeye for his calm play in the first half and Angrod Taralom who managed to hold the line against the thick green wall of the orcs.

That's all from Bleakwood, stayed tuned for more MMBBL action still to come as the regular season is in it's final leg.

Too Much Ugly in Sewer Smashup

Bryag Mudrake here once again for league night in the Deathdealer Division! It's the Blackwater Bilgerunners at the Tidy Bowl hosting the Grenedale Lesionnaires! Attendance was surprisingly light for an official league match, with a mere 20,000 fans in attendance. Perhaps the light attendance was fear amongst the skaven of a recurrence of the infamous Blackwater/Bloodsand match. Perhaps it was fear of a one-sided score-fest by the skilled skaven against the rookie rotters. Or perhaps it was simply too much ugly on the field for any casual fan to stomach. One thing is for sure; sales of Big Moot sandwiches have never been lower in the history of the MMBBL. It's a real shame there weren't more people to see this game, because this one would be an all-star demolition derby! The Lesionnaires have convinced not only Lord Borak the Despoiler to play for their team, but also the mighty Morg 'n' Thorg! The Bilgerunners, perhaps sensing the pummeling to come, hired on a mercenary lineman named Cheesethief to help fill potential holes in the line, and to kick a few players when down.

The Bilgerunners won the coin toss and elected to receive. Worried about the utter darkness in the cistern stadium (the Tidy Bowl equivalent of a sunny day) the rats elected not to field Mausketrap in the opening play. The fears proved groundless as covers were removed and torches lit during the first kick, bringing the playing environment back to tolerable levels. Casual fans might not expect the skaven to take on someone as strong as Morg’n’Thorg, but Bilgerunner fans know better! Blocking started with a mighty bang, as Stumptail knocked Morg 'n' Thorg over, and O'Rattigan pummeled both Zitgore Pusfist and Gomer Bile unconscious. Piddlepaw grabbed the ball, and handed off to Twinkletoes, who buried himself in skaven support just over the line at center field. Pestigors attempted to charge down the slippery Gutter Runner, but failed to get much traction. Twinkletoes slipped past, and rushed in for a quick touchdown, to the cheers and jeers of fans, and the retches of the weaker stomachs in the crowd.

The Skaven set up a traditional deep defense, with their strongest players flanked by their most expendable, and the most valuable in deep coverage. Coverage was not quite deep enough though, and Morg ’N’ Thorg wanted some revenge! Shifting out of the Lesionnaire front line, Morg attempted to run down Stumptail for the bruise to his honor. Fortunately for Stumptail, he refused to be knocked over by the massive ogre, and even managed to push back with a little help from his companions. The ball was picked up by Putesco Prosterno, who attempted to pass it off to one of the advancing pestigors, but wound up firing it behind the skaven line instead. Surrounded by the disturbing presence of the Nurgle Warriors, the skaven worked to shove the horrid monstrosities far enough for Piddlepaw, hiding behind O’Rattigan, to hold his nose and make a grab. Both teams started to pile on the fouls now, with the rent-a-rat Cheesethief knocking out Lord Borak with a well-placed boot to the head, and Putesco thrown out for an attempted foul on Brutus. That call was enough for Piddlepaw to dodge back into coverage, and race up center field for another touchdown!

The following kick to the Lesionnaires was high enough to let Horrendus Atrox to slip under the ball and catch it in his gooey arms. A screechy warcry from midfield drew the crowd’s attention as Stumptail, continuing his rivalry, ran up to Morg 'n' Thorg and attempted to knock him down once again! This time the massive Ogre expected the onslaught, and backhanded Stumptail, who tumbled back in a whimpering heap. He was carted off the field to spend the rest of the game nursing his injuries. That was enough of a disruption for the pestigors to get their passing game together, as Atrox shot a quick pass to Lacrimabilis "Larry" Fatum, who passed off in turn to Mort Gasper. By this time, however, the Bilgerunner defense was enough to prevent the Lesionnaires a touchdown before the end of the half, despite attempts to shove them away!

The second half saw some clever coaching by the skaven assistants give the Bilgerunners a little more organization. Once again, Atrox got the ball on the kickoff, and the Lesionnaires started the beatings. This time however, the Nurgle strength was much more effective, as the skaven were bowled over left, right, and center along the line of scrimmage. With enough defenders down, the ref failed to notice Scab Pickens boot O'Rattigan in the neck, knocking him unconscious for the remainder of the match. Borak followed up with a sickening smash to Piddlepaw, who lay disturbingly still on the pitch. Medics carted him off the field and the team apothecary managed to restart his heart, and get him back on the bench for the next drive. Now a horrible sense of familiarity was returning to long-time Bilgerunner fans... a strong 2-0 opening was giving way to a tremendous beating. Fortunately, several of those longtime fans got a chance to help this time, as three skaven and a pestigor were shoved into a cluster of season ticket-holders, who carried the Bilgerunners safely to their dugout, and knocked Fatum out cold before the refs could recover him. While they were occupied, Oblivio Demum kicked Jenner hard enough to put him out of the game. By the end of the drive, a mere three skaven remained on the field, running for cover as they were chased down by gleeful Nurgle and a grinning Morg, as Atrox trotted the ball in for a touchdown. Oh how the mighty had fallen!

With little time remaining in the first half, the Bilgerunner offense was seriously depleted. With Stumptail, Jenner and O'Rattigan all missing, the rats would have to open the front lines with a single blitzer, and field all the remaining linerats. Spurred on by the scent of blood and the fear of defeat, the crowd stormed the field on the final kick. Towards the starboard side of the field, the Bilgerunners' rat-rush and the Lesionnaire defense were virtually untouched. Towards the port-side lay devastation, as both Nurgle wide-zone defenders, Fivel Mausketrap, and the ball lay motionless. Shocked realization dawned upon the teams, then the Gutter Runners dashed across the field to take advantage of the makeshift opening, while the Lesionnaires lay on the whuppins to get Morg ‘n’ Thorg a shot at the ball. Piddlepaw dashed upfield, leaping over rotters while Dingleberry attempted to pass off the pigskin. His throw was tripped up by his trembling extra arms, and the ball was fumbled! Gurglegasp attempted to guard the ball from Morg 'n' Thorg, a brave but futile gesture as the Ogre dashed him to the ground, and picked up the ball despite the distractions from Gurglegasp's labored breathing. With moments left, it would take serious teamwork to bring down the ogre without the aid of Stumptail or O'Rattigan. Fivel, Gurglegasp and Dingleberry staggered up from where they lay, and rushed over to grab Morg from behind. Dodging away from across the field, Squeesplat sprinted to the limits of his endurance and landed a lucky blow, toppling Morg, and letting the ball fall free! The Lesionnaires moved to cover, and Morg staggered to his feet. Morg then attempted to dodge out of coverage for a last slim chance chance to tie the game but was tripped up by the heartened linerats! Shoving the remaining rotters out of the way, Fivel Mausketrap grabbed the ball, ran to the center line. He hurled an incredible long-bomb pass all the way into the Nurgle endzone where Piddlepaw, having slipped away from mid-field coverage, tippled the ball... and caught it! 3-1 against incredible odds for the Bilgerunners! The fans would have gone wild, if there any left in the stands after the post-invasion purge.

Match MVPs go to Hork Hogan and Notchear, for reasons only the fans could explain. Horrendus Atrox's new blocking abilities were also noted in this game. Thanks again for tuning into the MMBBL Coverage! I'll be back next week with lots more action from the Stargazing Farmboys in Bloodbath division! See you then!

Dark Dwarves deal Dark Elf death!

Hey! It's been a while!
It's Magical Mister Mudd, with my enchanted P.A.G.E. quill marking down my each and every word! (please help me, he never cleans my pinions and I'm locked in a drawer for weeks on end!)

What...? I'll have to erase that later, stupid thing. I'll remember.

Anyway, here I am sitting with 17,854 fans in the most uncomfertable seats ever. Yes, you guessed it, I'm sitting in the Slagpit, home of the Dreadnoughts! On this extreamly bright day, the visiting team is the Lurkers of Azzilizza. Both of these teams have had rough starts this season. Let's see which of them will see their luck change.

Of special note are the several replacements on the Lurker's team roster. A few journeyman aside, it seems the Dark Elven coach has managed to hire expert assassin Harkon Heartripper onto the field. The crowd goes silent when they see his dark cloak, and I think I see the glint of one of his famous mithril daggers that -always- seems to miss weapons inspection at these kinds of games. If I was a ref, I wouldn't want to touch him either.

Here come the team captains to watch the coin toss. Grumpy looks exchange between the Witch Elf and Blitzer as the silver disc spins in the air. It lands in favour of the Dwarves, and they choose to kick!

The Dreadnoughts set up their defense, and wait for the Lurkers to respond in like. The ball is in the air, bouncing like mad on the stone floors, deep on the Dark elven side. Witch elves tear down the sides of the pitch. Crack! One of the four journeyman the elves are fielding today just put #5 Dwarf, Morin Grudgebearer out on a stretcher! In retaliation #11 Dwarf, Deepforge puts the pain into #12 Elf, Extrit and he's down and out of commission as well! Way back, #8 Dark elven Runner, Drixit races up with he ball, and he passes a short one to a Journeyman. Harkon races in and in a twirl of steel, two Dwarves clunch cut wounds. The journeyman races ahead on his way to hand off to #2 Witch Elf, Inafay. She's got it! She's running all the way and... Yes! It's the first Touchdown of the game! One to nothing, Lurkers.

Elves return the kick, and while the ball is in the air a command is barked out by the Dwarves' coach. The Dreadnought line-up re-organises itself against the Elven defense. Wait... I don't think you're allowed to do that. No one notices the error, and the kick comes up way short and lands in the Dark Elf side. A quick toss of the ball by the ref into Dwarf hands and the drive begins. The Dreadnoughts cage up and tear into the Lurker front lines (made up of expendible journeymen no doubt), and are fighting their way down field. Blocks flying left-and-right, the nimble Dark elves doing whatever they can, but it's not enough to keep the Dwarves away. #4 Dwarf, Emberfist breaks from the brawl and gets the tying touchdown!

Not long on the first half, here. A quick set-up by both teams and an unenthusiastic kick, marked by only a few clouds entering into the sky. Not like any of these teams noticed the glaring sun anyway. A few blocks are thrown, and with nothing serious coming out of it the ref blows the whistle marking halftime.

Alright, P.A.G.E. pause here, I'm going to get a drink.

(please, listen to me. A horrible insect gnaws on me while I'm trapped in that drawer, that terrible man never cleans in there. Send help! Quick!)

*slurp* Ah, that's good. Huh? I thought this pen was paused... What the hell? Stupid thing. It's exaggerating, really. And what does it care? It's a pen! Not like it has a soul.

Good, I haven't missed the second half. Naturally, the Lurkers are set to kick this time. I'd like to mention the amount of work the coaches are doing to remind their teams of the basics. This marks the second kick-off where I've noticed some good advice being traded by the coaches before the ball leaves the ground. Great teams, both of these!

Now the ball is in the air. SNAP! *cheering* The crowd roars in pleasure, as in just a few moments after the ball hit the ground on the Dreadnought side, a Dark Elf journeyman was killed. Bent over the knee of a Linedwarf, spine snapped audibly. Tough luck for the Lurkers, but at least they weren't paying the guy. The Dark Elves really putting on a defensive show here. Harkon is stab-happy today, and the coach argues with the ref that he should be kicked off, but the ref is deaf to discussion. Thanks to the assassin, the ball is back in Dark Elf hands. #13 Elf, Shrik'kahn makes a great pass to team matriarch #1 Melanissa. She tears down the field and is too far away from any Dwarf for any kind of resistance. That elf has some legs on her, let me tell ya. Touchdown! Two to One, Lurkers.

Dwarves grumbling, the Elves set up their defensive line again, slated to kick. No sooner is the ball in the air, heading for the Dreadnought's side, that the Dwarves start moving, just seconds before the Dark Elves can react. This is giving them great momentum. Nothing can stop these bearded berserkers when they're at their best like this, folks. They cut straight down the middle of the pitch, knocking Dark Elves aside. I have to say, the Lurkers left them too much room to move, I feel. Nothing they can do can stop #3 Dwarf, Blackaxe from speeding in a touchdown! We're now tied at two!

The Lurkers huddle, and it looks like they feel they have enough time on the clock to make a winning touchdown. Tension rises palpably in the stands.

Hey! Keep it down! Do ye gotta keep talking to yer pen the whole time?

What? Quiet! I'm a journalist!

What did you call me!?

(If someone rescues me from this filthy reporter, I promise I've got a best-selling book that I'll write for them! Seriously! I can't take much more of this neglect! I used to be white and clean, now I'm some kind of yellowy-brown!)

This pen! I hate this pen! And that stupid Dwarf made me miss the end of the game. Looks like the tie stands! Harkon stabbed #10 Dwarf Arvold into the apothecaries arms, and it seems that #8 Dark Elf runner, Drixit fell at the Dreadnought endzone, ball in hand. Thus the game was barely tied! That sounded so exciting, but that damned dwarf, this stupid pen! ARG!

It looks like the fans loved this one, and many Dwarves are showing that they've learned a lot. No new talent is yet seen in the Lurkers, but perhaps they're just late bloomers... This is Magical Mister Mudd signing off.

Anyone want to buy a defective P.A.G.E?

Rumble in the Jungle; Chupacabras Battle Rampage

Kay Offwrong back again with a report for the Deathdealer Division of the MMBBL, where the playoff race is tighter than a halfling's belt at a pancake buffet. The Sun Temple Chupacabras were in town to take on the newcomer Shattered Plains Rampage.

The Rampage had hired on an additional 2 medical personnel to deal with the oncoming saurus onslaught, and had taken the past week to develop some bonus team training. The 30,482 fans in attendance were mostly in favor of the home team and it was evident through the match.

The Chupacabras kicked off first, but the first big play was from neither team. Rampage fans showed their loyalty by pelting the field with rocks, one of which managed to saurus blocker El Mucho Grande in the back of the head. He was taken off the field to recover for the next drive. The Rampage took advantage of their numbers and began positioning themselves for their advance, however hippo blockers aren't as sure footed as one might guess and Bagunda fell over one of the rocks tossed onto the field by the fans. He, too, was carted off the field to rest up for the next drive.

A veritable wrestling match ensued and both teams were jockeying for position along the line of scrimmage. Iguanadon Quixote knocked over Zubeda repeatedly, and Shenzi the rhino blitzer stunned the still pointless Tyrannosaurus Sex. Seeing a break in the line, Gecko Xtopilopicoatl attempted to get some extra mileage out of his little legs, but couldn't make it, and knocked himself out, giving the numbers advantage back to the Rampage.

With saurii barreling down on him, Hafsa calmly maintained his composure in the pocket created by his hippo blockers and tossed a dandy of a pass to Samus. Then lion berserker then made his way up-field and handed off to the lovely lioness Sarabi, who in no time was into the endzone, giving the home town team a lead of 1-0.

With the fans still in a fit of excitement, the Rampage kicked to the speedy (and nearly unstoppable) skink offense. The fans decided to lend their hand again, and yet another flurry of rocks pelted the field, this time hitting El Legarto Terrible, but only stunning the large lizard powerhouse.

With the ball in play, Sue Xtopilopicoatl snatched it up into her arms and handed off to her speedy and very smooth brother Harpo, who was across midfield in the blink of an eye. Iguanadon Quixote, back from his opening drive nap, was leveled by Nala and with that the Rampage defense had pinned the Chupacabra offense dead in its tracks. Back upfield towards the line of scrimmage, El Mucho Grande laid a doozy of a hit on Yo-Kamba, who would stay in the game, and moved forward to assist the nimble skink. With the saurii rumbling down the field, Meepo
Xtopilopicoatl attempted to break away from Shenzi and catch up, but the rhino's coverage was too much for him and he landed on the field, dazed.

Seeing his fallen skink teammate laid out on the field, El Mucho Grande went into a fit of rage and threw a devastating hit on Zubeda, who had to be taken off the field by the medical staff and patched up. After the carnage cleared, it was Samus to the rescue who threw a great hit on Mondo Xtopilopicoatl knocking the ball loose, and behind him the blitz from Shenzi sent Iguanadon Quixote into the stands.

Even amongst all the Rampage defenders, the ever-agile Pablo Xtopilopicoatl still managed to stride between bodies and under legs, and scoop up the ball. Brother Harpo was not as fortunate as Yo-Kamba sent him into the stands, where the crowd roughed up the little fellow. Ojo the line hippo also laid a terrific hit on Tyrannosaurus Sex, who was taken off the field under the power of the medical staff who had to patch him up.

With the loss of so many players and the goal line still so far away, the half ended, and both teams headed to the locker room to regroup. The Rampage had showed some terrific defense, but how much longer could they hold off one of the leagues top offenses?

The second half's kickoff was up in the air and managed to sail back over half, and the Chupacabras started off with great field position, and Pablo Xtopilopicoatl in control of the ball. His hand off to Gecko was good, and the latter skink was on his way over half behind great saurus coverage. Big Poppa Xtopilopicoatl finally made his presence felt as his laid the hammer down on Nala, knocking the lioness out for the drive.

Again the Rampage looked like they had pinned the Chupacabras in along the side line, and Samus laid a hit on Gecko popping the ball loose. Enter Tyrannosaurus Sex, who began a brilliant blocking chain that allowed Gecko to get his hands on the ball once more, and in a flash he was over the line for his second career Touchdown, making the score 1-1.

The next kickoff went as smoothly as a practice drill, and the ball landed close to Rampage thrower Hafsa. The hippo linemen began to push forward and the struggle for positioning began once more. Zubeda managed to catch a pass from Hafsa but the skinks showed some defensive prowess and managed to knock over the hefty hippo. With numbers on their side, Shenzi and Banzai cleared the way for Hafsa, knocking over several saurii. Hafsa was away down the sideline with lots of protection, and Pablo Xtopilopicoatl managed to get in his way, but the blitz from Zubeda was all the Rampage needed. Hafsa hung onto the ball and crossed the goal line just as the whistle sounded to end the game. Final score: 2-1 Rampage.

MVPs of the game were Sue Xtopilopicoatl, who learned a new trick for her next game, and Banzai the rhino blitzer who showed muscle on the line.

That's all from Shattered Plains Arena, join me next week as the Razor Hill Spine Breakers battle the Bleakwood Breakers in a Bloodbath division showdown.

Deadites Kill Farmboys in Challenge Match!

Bryag Mudrake here, following the Farmboys on the road for yet another challenge match! This team sure seems to be popular these days, arriving now at the Drudgetown Pit to answer the call of the grave! Twenty-six thousand bodies filled the stands, with less than half of them having an actual pulse. The crowd might not be described as "lively" but it was certainly animated. The real heat was happening on the pitch, where the opening coin toss gave the kick to the human team, and accusations of double-headed coins led to a screaming match on the field, and a long delay as the clock ticked down before an actual kickoff. The human team started with some surprisingly strong offensive abilities, with "Are Too" Dieter breaking off parts of Sword Boy, sending him to the infirmary to pull himself together. The strong start fell apart quickly as Stywalker fumbled the squirming ball, and the Deadites charged! Their new werewolf, Wanna Little, took the opportunity to race in and knock Stywalker sprawling, and the swift-footed ghoul Klaatu grabbed the ball, running it in for a swift touchdown!

The Deadites kicked again to the human team, this time catching the offense flat-footed with a blitz! Stywalker's handle on the ball was much more effective this time around, and sent it sailing to Willie Dee Billiams. In a shocking turn of events, Dan Solitaire managed to knock the hulking Frankenberry off his feet. Despite this, the human defenses were no match for undead muscle, and Billiams was knocked down by a rampaging Wanna Little, knocking the ball free. Players scrambled for purchase in the mess of bodies, until the ball finally landed in the hands of Denny "The Wedge" Lawson. Farmboys dodged out of coverage to clear a path for the new ball carrier, but "Porky" Hootkins tripped up and knocked himself out cold trying to get into position. Lawson soon followed, and the ball once again bounced madly amongst the players before landing beside several linemen. Varata Nikto dodged into coverage and whacked the ball to retrieve, but his clammy hands couldn't get a grip, and once again the bouncing game continued, finally landing in the paws of Boomstick! There was a squeal from the field, as Billiams put the boot to Varata, but the ref appeared to be looking at Wanna Little, who collided with Zed Malcolm, taking them both down. That cleared the way for Artie Dieter to smash Boomstick to the ground, and catch the ball as it flew from the lycanthrope's limp fingers, but Dieter was unable to reach the goal before time ran out. The Deadites decided to spend the last few moments punching people, with X Morte seriously injuring "Hobby" Oldfield. The whistle blew on the half, and the Apothecaries dragged Oldfield back for some quick work, setting him back on the field for the next drive.

The second half started with a high kick to the Deadites, which was caught handily by the ghoulish Klaatu. The human team had returned with a vengeance however, and refused to be pushed around. The pain began as Wanna Little was downed by his intended victim, and continued as the entire frontline of the Deadites' offensive line was knocked to the ground, and Farmboy linemen rushed to cover Klaatu. The wily ghoul dodged out of coverage, and snapped off a pass to Varata, Who raced up-field. "Biggy" Hagan tried to rush in to set up a block, but tripped at the end of his run, crashing at Varata's feet, unconscious! He soon was joined in the dugout by "Porky" Hootkins, who was knocked out by a crash on the line. Bizarrely, Varata stopped running, and seemed to be enjoying the carnage at midfield. This time, Billiams was charging in to get coverage on Varata, but he too tripped up within inches of the ghoul! Varata STILL hadn't moved though, instead choosing to watch Frankenberry as he inflicted a horrific gut-wound on Owen Lard, leaving him dying on the field. Apothecaries were in top shape though, and soon upgraded his condition from "F’ed-Up" to “F’ing-A", patching him up for the next drive! Whatever drugs those Apothecaries are handing out, I want some! Torch Boy continued the chaos by stomping on a prone "Hobby" Oldfield. This time though, the ref heard the ribs crack, and sent Torch Boy out for the rest of the game. "Hobby" was also patched up by the Apothecaries for the next drive. Unlike the previous medical crew helping the Farmboys out against the Carnosaurs, the local apothecaries were on top of their game! Play continued, with Varata seeming to forget that he was still supposed to run the ball in for the touchdown. He was quickly reminded as he found himself surrounded by Billiams and Solitaire. Boomstick shoved Ben-Ken Guinness into the crowd, and Wanna Little raced to the rescue, clearing the path for Varata to dodge away, and lope in for a touchdown, bringing the score to 2-0 for the Deadites.

The next drive would add further injury to grave insult. With the human team down a man, an eager Deadite fan decided that wasn't enough of a handicap. With a scream of "What do you want on your Tombstone?!" he hurled a piece of his own grave marker square at the back of Duke Stywalker's head, knocking the quarterback out cold! It was only sheer luck that the kick landed so close to the huddle of humans preparing for a textbook, if undermanned, Kessel's Run strategy. The ball bounced out of Dieter's hands as he attempted to catch, landing behind him. Ignoring the ball, Dieter and Guinness charged up-field, clearing the way for Solitaire, who nabbed the ball, and fell in behind Billiams. Boomstick ran in from the other half of the pitch and attempted to maul Billiams, but merely pushed him in front of Solitaire. Dieter shoved him clear, Solitaire handed the ball off to Billiams, and Billiams sprinted straight ahead for a rapid touchdown!

The Deadites were eager for another touchdown, but it simply was not to be. Despite a quick snap that caught the human team off-guard, the Deadites were unable to make much headway against the human frontline. Wanna Little grabbed the ball and passed it to Varata, then charged into the melee at the front line. The end of the game degenerated into a dirty brawl as both sides punched, shoved and kicked those already down, but it failed to result in any significant casualties. With the whistle the game came to an end: 2-1 for the Deadites! Match MVPs were awarded to Primitive Screwhead of the Deadites and Ben-Ken Guinness of the Farmboys, for no particular reason that comes to mind. Also worthy of recognition on the highlight reel was Torch Boy's excellent blocking abilities, and the incredible speed of Wanna Little. Congratulations to all, and I'll be back tomorrow for my regular beat covering the Blackwater Bilgerunners and another crew of corpses, the Grenedale Lesionnaires.