Dark Dwarves deal Dark Elf death!

Hey! It's been a while!
It's Magical Mister Mudd, with my enchanted P.A.G.E. quill marking down my each and every word! (please help me, he never cleans my pinions and I'm locked in a drawer for weeks on end!)

What...? I'll have to erase that later, stupid thing. I'll remember.

Anyway, here I am sitting with 17,854 fans in the most uncomfertable seats ever. Yes, you guessed it, I'm sitting in the Slagpit, home of the Dreadnoughts! On this extreamly bright day, the visiting team is the Lurkers of Azzilizza. Both of these teams have had rough starts this season. Let's see which of them will see their luck change.

Of special note are the several replacements on the Lurker's team roster. A few journeyman aside, it seems the Dark Elven coach has managed to hire expert assassin Harkon Heartripper onto the field. The crowd goes silent when they see his dark cloak, and I think I see the glint of one of his famous mithril daggers that -always- seems to miss weapons inspection at these kinds of games. If I was a ref, I wouldn't want to touch him either.

Here come the team captains to watch the coin toss. Grumpy looks exchange between the Witch Elf and Blitzer as the silver disc spins in the air. It lands in favour of the Dwarves, and they choose to kick!

The Dreadnoughts set up their defense, and wait for the Lurkers to respond in like. The ball is in the air, bouncing like mad on the stone floors, deep on the Dark elven side. Witch elves tear down the sides of the pitch. Crack! One of the four journeyman the elves are fielding today just put #5 Dwarf, Morin Grudgebearer out on a stretcher! In retaliation #11 Dwarf, Deepforge puts the pain into #12 Elf, Extrit and he's down and out of commission as well! Way back, #8 Dark elven Runner, Drixit races up with he ball, and he passes a short one to a Journeyman. Harkon races in and in a twirl of steel, two Dwarves clunch cut wounds. The journeyman races ahead on his way to hand off to #2 Witch Elf, Inafay. She's got it! She's running all the way and... Yes! It's the first Touchdown of the game! One to nothing, Lurkers.

Elves return the kick, and while the ball is in the air a command is barked out by the Dwarves' coach. The Dreadnought line-up re-organises itself against the Elven defense. Wait... I don't think you're allowed to do that. No one notices the error, and the kick comes up way short and lands in the Dark Elf side. A quick toss of the ball by the ref into Dwarf hands and the drive begins. The Dreadnoughts cage up and tear into the Lurker front lines (made up of expendible journeymen no doubt), and are fighting their way down field. Blocks flying left-and-right, the nimble Dark elves doing whatever they can, but it's not enough to keep the Dwarves away. #4 Dwarf, Emberfist breaks from the brawl and gets the tying touchdown!

Not long on the first half, here. A quick set-up by both teams and an unenthusiastic kick, marked by only a few clouds entering into the sky. Not like any of these teams noticed the glaring sun anyway. A few blocks are thrown, and with nothing serious coming out of it the ref blows the whistle marking halftime.

Alright, P.A.G.E. pause here, I'm going to get a drink.

(please, listen to me. A horrible insect gnaws on me while I'm trapped in that drawer, that terrible man never cleans in there. Send help! Quick!)

*slurp* Ah, that's good. Huh? I thought this pen was paused... What the hell? Stupid thing. It's exaggerating, really. And what does it care? It's a pen! Not like it has a soul.

Good, I haven't missed the second half. Naturally, the Lurkers are set to kick this time. I'd like to mention the amount of work the coaches are doing to remind their teams of the basics. This marks the second kick-off where I've noticed some good advice being traded by the coaches before the ball leaves the ground. Great teams, both of these!

Now the ball is in the air. SNAP! *cheering* The crowd roars in pleasure, as in just a few moments after the ball hit the ground on the Dreadnought side, a Dark Elf journeyman was killed. Bent over the knee of a Linedwarf, spine snapped audibly. Tough luck for the Lurkers, but at least they weren't paying the guy. The Dark Elves really putting on a defensive show here. Harkon is stab-happy today, and the coach argues with the ref that he should be kicked off, but the ref is deaf to discussion. Thanks to the assassin, the ball is back in Dark Elf hands. #13 Elf, Shrik'kahn makes a great pass to team matriarch #1 Melanissa. She tears down the field and is too far away from any Dwarf for any kind of resistance. That elf has some legs on her, let me tell ya. Touchdown! Two to One, Lurkers.

Dwarves grumbling, the Elves set up their defensive line again, slated to kick. No sooner is the ball in the air, heading for the Dreadnought's side, that the Dwarves start moving, just seconds before the Dark Elves can react. This is giving them great momentum. Nothing can stop these bearded berserkers when they're at their best like this, folks. They cut straight down the middle of the pitch, knocking Dark Elves aside. I have to say, the Lurkers left them too much room to move, I feel. Nothing they can do can stop #3 Dwarf, Blackaxe from speeding in a touchdown! We're now tied at two!

The Lurkers huddle, and it looks like they feel they have enough time on the clock to make a winning touchdown. Tension rises palpably in the stands.

Hey! Keep it down! Do ye gotta keep talking to yer pen the whole time?

What? Quiet! I'm a journalist!

What did you call me!?

(If someone rescues me from this filthy reporter, I promise I've got a best-selling book that I'll write for them! Seriously! I can't take much more of this neglect! I used to be white and clean, now I'm some kind of yellowy-brown!)

This pen! I hate this pen! And that stupid Dwarf made me miss the end of the game. Looks like the tie stands! Harkon stabbed #10 Dwarf Arvold into the apothecaries arms, and it seems that #8 Dark Elf runner, Drixit fell at the Dreadnought endzone, ball in hand. Thus the game was barely tied! That sounded so exciting, but that damned dwarf, this stupid pen! ARG!

It looks like the fans loved this one, and many Dwarves are showing that they've learned a lot. No new talent is yet seen in the Lurkers, but perhaps they're just late bloomers... This is Magical Mister Mudd signing off.

Anyone want to buy a defective P.A.G.E?