In semifinal action last night, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters advanced to the championship round with a victory over the Fly-by Knights, with a final score of 3-1.
The first half gave the impression of a high-scoring affair, With two touchdowns scored by the Dirt Bursters and one for the Knights. Ghouls Chompsalot and No-Guts Bob had the scores for the undead, while Flash Madison, in a departure from his usual role as the subtle boot of justice, had a touchdown for the human squad. The second half was far less wide-open, and the Knights' first drive was stifled in a giant pile-up. A blown pass attempt resulting in a turnover gave the Dirt Bursters the opportunity they needed to strike again, and Chompsalot put the game away for good with his second score of the night.
The match's MVPs were Mummy Magut of the Dirt Bursters, who registered a trio of casualties (none of which were serious) and lineman Abraham Sandwich of the Knights, who gained his third MVP vote and marking him as possibly the most famed and admired player to ever do not much of anything. Other notable plays involved No-Guts Bob dying when trying to run that extra yard, but remembering at the last second that he was already quite dead and should probably just get up and keep going; Reginald Reginald III of the Knights suffering a crippling injury but coming out of the surgery room right as rain; Lez White being unceremoniously dumped into the stands and carted off to who-knows-where; Flash Madison not getting caught by the refs on a record six consecutive foul attempts; and the the Dirt Bursters' hired wizard getting completely hammered and forgetting about casting a spell at all.
The Knights wish their opponents well, and are looking forward to next season's meeting, since they closed out their season by signing one Barglesnart Livingstone, who may be the only ogre to be knighted. The circumstances of this title are as yet unknown. The Dirt Bursters, meanwhile, cleaned up well with their victory and are now considering the hiring of a fourth Ghoul and another linechump...that is to say, a zombie or skeleton.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Playoffs Round One: Orcs Fall, Cannot Get Up.
The preliminary round of the 2007 Autumn season of the MMBBL has come to pass, and if there's one word to use to describe the playoff outlook, it would not be "green". Both the Meathooks and the Bumlookers have been eliminated; the former by their opponents, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, and the latter via default.
The Dirt Bursters beat the Meathooks by a score of 2 to 0, with Stumps O'Boggy getting the undead MVP nod for his strong blocking.The two mummies, Magut and Khermit, were also valuable forces on the pitch. Grunt Skunchman, the Meathooks' new black orc, impressed the crowds today with his first MVP vote. The Meathooks may be down, but they certainly aren't out, and they look forward to the new season beginning in January.
The Low Blows will advance to the semifinals due to scheduling problems which resulted in the Greenskin Bumlookers failing to show for their match. It has since been learned that they have defected to the obscure "Blood Bowl in Hedonism" league, due to such exclusive perks as mandatory pantless tournaments and free oil rubs. They may be seen in the future in inter-league play, and they will be missed by everyone, except possibly embarrassed announcers trying desperately to remain family-friendly during prime time.
And now, on to the semifinal matches! Tomorrow, The Lowblows play the Goldminers, and the Dirt Bursters play the Knights! Expect carnage, excitement, and a wizard or two if they can sneak past security!
The Dirt Bursters beat the Meathooks by a score of 2 to 0, with Stumps O'Boggy getting the undead MVP nod for his strong blocking.The two mummies, Magut and Khermit, were also valuable forces on the pitch. Grunt Skunchman, the Meathooks' new black orc, impressed the crowds today with his first MVP vote. The Meathooks may be down, but they certainly aren't out, and they look forward to the new season beginning in January.
The Low Blows will advance to the semifinals due to scheduling problems which resulted in the Greenskin Bumlookers failing to show for their match. It has since been learned that they have defected to the obscure "Blood Bowl in Hedonism" league, due to such exclusive perks as mandatory pantless tournaments and free oil rubs. They may be seen in the future in inter-league play, and they will be missed by everyone, except possibly embarrassed announcers trying desperately to remain family-friendly during prime time.
And now, on to the semifinal matches! Tomorrow, The Lowblows play the Goldminers, and the Dirt Bursters play the Knights! Expect carnage, excitement, and a wizard or two if they can sneak past security!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Week 5 - The Last Hurrah
Three games to report on from this past week, the final week before playoffs commence in the MMBBL! (Accounts have been abbreviated due to being busy and eventually forgetting some things, sorry.)
The first match saw the Greenskin Bumlookers positively routed by Gildengrip's Goldminers. The final score was 4-0, and right from the get-go it looked like fate was stacked against the Orcs. Pro Blitzer Red Marx was tossed out on the first play for a flagrant foul, and it went downhill from there.
In match number 2, The Fly-By Knights Edged the Meathooks 2-1 in a gritty affair. Unfortunately for the Meathooks, promising lineman Chip Bonesaw suffered a broken neck, while the Knights' new blitzer Chet Jackweed took a spill which will see him benched for their first playoff game.
The third and final regular season match pitted the Low Blows against the league-leading Goldminers, and this one was closer than the 2-0 'miners' victory margin would leave you to believe. Both teams were very good defensively and bottlenecked running routes became the order of the day. After the game, the Goldminers announced that they had signed a Deathroller onto the squad for the playoffs, which will likely give this elite team the extra push (or trample) it needs to be the victors when the dust settles.
More coming soon, including results from the first playoff match!
The first match saw the Greenskin Bumlookers positively routed by Gildengrip's Goldminers. The final score was 4-0, and right from the get-go it looked like fate was stacked against the Orcs. Pro Blitzer Red Marx was tossed out on the first play for a flagrant foul, and it went downhill from there.
In match number 2, The Fly-By Knights Edged the Meathooks 2-1 in a gritty affair. Unfortunately for the Meathooks, promising lineman Chip Bonesaw suffered a broken neck, while the Knights' new blitzer Chet Jackweed took a spill which will see him benched for their first playoff game.
The third and final regular season match pitted the Low Blows against the league-leading Goldminers, and this one was closer than the 2-0 'miners' victory margin would leave you to believe. Both teams were very good defensively and bottlenecked running routes became the order of the day. After the game, the Goldminers announced that they had signed a Deathroller onto the squad for the playoffs, which will likely give this elite team the extra push (or trample) it needs to be the victors when the dust settles.
More coming soon, including results from the first playoff match!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The Miners put the Bursters back in the grave!
This is Magical Mister Mudd, making a special guest report on last night's brutal match! Gildengrip's Gold Miners took on the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters in a mangling exchange.
The Miners pushed hard against the seemingly immovable line of undead and managed to pull off a fan-pleasing 2-0 victory. The first half's touchdown scored by Quincy McUicksilver, who is a rising star in the Miner's lineup. A last desperate touchdown came right at the buzzer from an unlikely play by Adam McMentium (who also got the MVP for the team) who picked up a missed long bomb from good ol' Quincy and just barely crossing the white line. In a later interview, Mr.McMentium mentioned that fighting Mummies has put the art of injury into perspective and will know exactly how and where to hit his future opponents, promising future bloodshed to any in his way.
The Dirt Burster's MVP was Chunk Norton, a zombie who the judges deemed was shambling in perfect form throughout the match. The pair of mummies, Magut and Khermit, managed to send four dwarves out on stretchers (prompting the Miners to finally purchase an apothecary with their winnings) including sending Mick Mythril to the infirmary with a fractured skull (the healers admit that injury will come more swiftly to him now). Khermit later said, over a fifteen minute long sentence, that he learned something about blocking during the game. Though not willing to wait another half-hour for him to droll out another word, the reporters figured that this inspiration was done in memory of Hungry Ned, a ghoul put to his unressurectable death by Quincy McUicksilver in the third quarter.
The Dusk Hill's Necromancer coach was quick to enlist a new ghoul fresh off of the graveyards. His mouth was still full of flesh at the time of the signing, so he was unable to introduce himself. Only time will tell what monicre this new ghastly player will adopt.
This is Magical Mister Mudd, for the MMBBL update. Back to you, commish!
The Miners pushed hard against the seemingly immovable line of undead and managed to pull off a fan-pleasing 2-0 victory. The first half's touchdown scored by Quincy McUicksilver, who is a rising star in the Miner's lineup. A last desperate touchdown came right at the buzzer from an unlikely play by Adam McMentium (who also got the MVP for the team) who picked up a missed long bomb from good ol' Quincy and just barely crossing the white line. In a later interview, Mr.McMentium mentioned that fighting Mummies has put the art of injury into perspective and will know exactly how and where to hit his future opponents, promising future bloodshed to any in his way.
The Dirt Burster's MVP was Chunk Norton, a zombie who the judges deemed was shambling in perfect form throughout the match. The pair of mummies, Magut and Khermit, managed to send four dwarves out on stretchers (prompting the Miners to finally purchase an apothecary with their winnings) including sending Mick Mythril to the infirmary with a fractured skull (the healers admit that injury will come more swiftly to him now). Khermit later said, over a fifteen minute long sentence, that he learned something about blocking during the game. Though not willing to wait another half-hour for him to droll out another word, the reporters figured that this inspiration was done in memory of Hungry Ned, a ghoul put to his unressurectable death by Quincy McUicksilver in the third quarter.
The Dusk Hill's Necromancer coach was quick to enlist a new ghoul fresh off of the graveyards. His mouth was still full of flesh at the time of the signing, so he was unable to introduce himself. Only time will tell what monicre this new ghastly player will adopt.
This is Magical Mister Mudd, for the MMBBL update. Back to you, commish!
Monday, October 22, 2007
What's Green, Loud, has 44 Legs and a Football?
Two Orc Blood Bowl teams on the pitch, of course!
This weekend's match saw that Greenskin Bumlookers edge out a 1-0 victory over the Meathooks, with every inch of field position being fought over without remorse. The match was destined to be a hotbed of hostility from the first play, as Bumlookers blitzer Red Marx was tossed from the game for the only (detected) foul of the match. Injuries were certainly a factor early on, with two near-death experiences being handled by the two squads' apothecaries. The Meathooks, however, might be better off with a box of band-aids and some polysporin.
The undoing, for the Meathooks, proved to be a number of false start penalties which cost them on a few critical plays. Their defense was stifling however, and it's to their credit that the Bumlookers, now featuring three Black Orcs on the front line, only managed the one touchdown.
The MVPs of the match were both highly deserving in the spirit of Orcish sports, in that they both caused a casualty. Chip Bonesaw, the new kid on the Meathooks squad, showed he's got the blocking skills to play with the big boys. Roger Knightly, his counterpart on the Bumlookers, displayed great poise and field presence, and is becoming another emerging pro for that squad.
In injury news, Ben Dover has recovered from his previous mishap and will be ready for the next Bumlookers game. Bloatgaar the Flatulent of the Meathooks suffered a smashed hand and will miss a game as a result.
This weekend's match saw that Greenskin Bumlookers edge out a 1-0 victory over the Meathooks, with every inch of field position being fought over without remorse. The match was destined to be a hotbed of hostility from the first play, as Bumlookers blitzer Red Marx was tossed from the game for the only (detected) foul of the match. Injuries were certainly a factor early on, with two near-death experiences being handled by the two squads' apothecaries. The Meathooks, however, might be better off with a box of band-aids and some polysporin.
The undoing, for the Meathooks, proved to be a number of false start penalties which cost them on a few critical plays. Their defense was stifling however, and it's to their credit that the Bumlookers, now featuring three Black Orcs on the front line, only managed the one touchdown.
The MVPs of the match were both highly deserving in the spirit of Orcish sports, in that they both caused a casualty. Chip Bonesaw, the new kid on the Meathooks squad, showed he's got the blocking skills to play with the big boys. Roger Knightly, his counterpart on the Bumlookers, displayed great poise and field presence, and is becoming another emerging pro for that squad.
In injury news, Ben Dover has recovered from his previous mishap and will be ready for the next Bumlookers game. Bloatgaar the Flatulent of the Meathooks suffered a smashed hand and will miss a game as a result.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Week Four Begins with a Whimper
Onyl one game this weekend to kick off the post-Thanksgiving (yeah, we're Canadian) Blood Bowl action, with the Meathooks meeting the Fly-by Knights this past Sunday. A nice day, roaring fans and the occasional squelching sound of a hot dog vendor being toosed over the balcony to the pitch below - what could be better?
The match wound up going in favour of the Knights, by a score of 2-1. Scoring for the Humans were catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele, who was nearly char-broiled by a bolt of lightning from out of the clear blue sky (authorities suspect attempted arcane homicide, as Mr. Steele had not, to anyone's knowledge, angered a thunder god lately) and also Wamsley Wedgeworth, who was recently signed by a major outfitter to endorse their new "Xtra Plate" line of armour. The touchdown for the Meathooks was scored by line orc Bloatgaar the Flatulent, who is rumoured to have developed a special "pre-game meal" which adds a burst of speed to his running patterns.
MVP selections for the matchup were Beefquake of the Meathooks, who was an unstoppable dynamo of pushing, shoving, and all-around rudeness, and the just-back-from-serious-injury Flash Madison of the Fly-by Knights, who has lost any hope of being a physical presence and has embraced a more underhanded role, desperate to regain some measure of glory in the eyes of fans, now that the mere mention of being tackled causes him to curl up into a fetal crouch.
There were two injuries for each side in the match, though none was serious enough to warrant extended time away from the field for any player.
After the match, the Fly-by Knights' coach announced the signing of lineman Solomon Squatz, to increase their roster size to 14 and "really, REALLY make sure that the catchers don't have to be on the field unless they have to be".
Finally, after the game, the Meathooks' head coach held a press conference with the coach of the Greenskin Bumlookers, to finally plan out what the fans of both squads have been waiting for - Orc on Orc violence! Watch for this game to occur within the next week; it's sure to be a wild one!
The match wound up going in favour of the Knights, by a score of 2-1. Scoring for the Humans were catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele, who was nearly char-broiled by a bolt of lightning from out of the clear blue sky (authorities suspect attempted arcane homicide, as Mr. Steele had not, to anyone's knowledge, angered a thunder god lately) and also Wamsley Wedgeworth, who was recently signed by a major outfitter to endorse their new "Xtra Plate" line of armour. The touchdown for the Meathooks was scored by line orc Bloatgaar the Flatulent, who is rumoured to have developed a special "pre-game meal" which adds a burst of speed to his running patterns.
MVP selections for the matchup were Beefquake of the Meathooks, who was an unstoppable dynamo of pushing, shoving, and all-around rudeness, and the just-back-from-serious-injury Flash Madison of the Fly-by Knights, who has lost any hope of being a physical presence and has embraced a more underhanded role, desperate to regain some measure of glory in the eyes of fans, now that the mere mention of being tackled causes him to curl up into a fetal crouch.
There were two injuries for each side in the match, though none was serious enough to warrant extended time away from the field for any player.
After the match, the Fly-by Knights' coach announced the signing of lineman Solomon Squatz, to increase their roster size to 14 and "really, REALLY make sure that the catchers don't have to be on the field unless they have to be".
Finally, after the game, the Meathooks' head coach held a press conference with the coach of the Greenskin Bumlookers, to finally plan out what the fans of both squads have been waiting for - Orc on Orc violence! Watch for this game to occur within the next week; it's sure to be a wild one!
Monday, October 1, 2007
Great Match, Ridiculous Amounts of Money, and New Hirings!
A make-up game for the Greenskin Bumlookers took place this Sunday, against the Fly-By Knights. This game had the greatest attendance to date, no doubt due to the hype generated around the team's coaches - rumour has it they've schooled, worked, and even lived together! Certainly the groundwork for an intense rivalry is being laid.
The game itself started in the rain, under the lights. The Knights grabbed the lead early on with a touchdown pass from Lance Freely to Stanley Steele, and then recovered the ball on defence to see it run in for the score by lineman Reginald Reginald III. The Bumlookers countered in the second half, after a tussle between the two teams on the pitch, with line orc Rod Harding bringing in the touchdown on a beautiful catch. In an amazing turn of events, the Knights dealt more damage than they sustained, injuring three Bumlookers and being no worse than knocked out themselves.
MVPs for the match were Abraham Sandwich, lineman of the Fly-By Knights, and Red Marx of the Bumlookers, who is showing his potential as a true professional Blood Bowl player. Also of note was the unflappable resolve and focus of Knights' catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele.
A very spirited match for both sides, and it showed in the winnings, as each team pocketed 70,000 gold each! As a result, the Bumlookers hired on black orc Phil McKrackin to add even more muscle to their formidable front line, and the Knights signed blitzer Chet Jackweed, possibly the single most cocky individual to ever dance in the end zone.
Due to the holiday weekend coming up, arrangements are being made to have two more games played in the coming week. All the news and reports on them will be here as soon as they're made available to the press!
The game itself started in the rain, under the lights. The Knights grabbed the lead early on with a touchdown pass from Lance Freely to Stanley Steele, and then recovered the ball on defence to see it run in for the score by lineman Reginald Reginald III. The Bumlookers countered in the second half, after a tussle between the two teams on the pitch, with line orc Rod Harding bringing in the touchdown on a beautiful catch. In an amazing turn of events, the Knights dealt more damage than they sustained, injuring three Bumlookers and being no worse than knocked out themselves.
MVPs for the match were Abraham Sandwich, lineman of the Fly-By Knights, and Red Marx of the Bumlookers, who is showing his potential as a true professional Blood Bowl player. Also of note was the unflappable resolve and focus of Knights' catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele.
A very spirited match for both sides, and it showed in the winnings, as each team pocketed 70,000 gold each! As a result, the Bumlookers hired on black orc Phil McKrackin to add even more muscle to their formidable front line, and the Knights signed blitzer Chet Jackweed, possibly the single most cocky individual to ever dance in the end zone.
Due to the holiday weekend coming up, arrangements are being made to have two more games played in the coming week. All the news and reports on them will be here as soon as they're made available to the press!
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