We've got another special report coming your way, sportsfiends! This time it's our newest addition to the reporter stable, Kay Offwrong.
One of the four games on this week's schedule saw the defending champions, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers host a rival expansion team from last season, and a good one at that, the Darkmire Carnosaurs.
Dragon Spine Arena was Packed to near maximum capacity 19,493, with the scaleskins outnumbering the greenskinned home crowd. The coin toss, however, went in favor of the Spinebreakers and naturally they elected to receive the opening kickoff.
As the kick sailed high into the air, the clouds parted and the sun lit up the sky. Naturally the hometown hero, Kiro Stormaxe got his hands on the kick and the drive was underway.
The two biggest and meanest nasties on the field, Grimjaw the Wise and Zor Loneblow spent most of their time on the opening plays staring deeply into each others eyes it what can only be described as some sort of primal staring contest, neither wanting to show any sign of weakness to the other. Realizing that the big fellas were too busy to muster up blocks, Firetongue from the Carnosaurs absolutely demolished Black Orc Kolark Bonefist who, though he is expected to suffer no long term injuries, was unable to return to the match.
Meanwhile the nimble Mok Rawtar broke away from his coverage and came shoulder to shoulder with Kiro Stormaxe, the two then broke away down the sideline into Carnosaur territory.
The added protection of Rawtar wasn't enough to help Kiro when, out from behind the line, came saurus Wildfang who appeared to run straight through Kiro. The ball sailed high into the air, and landed safely in the arms of Swiftclaw.
Black Orc Galthuk Battlewail, upon seeing this, took his shot at Swiftclaw, knocking out the little fellow. As he indulged in his celebration, Daggermaw took a retaliatory shot and sent the black orc packing to join the rest of his teammates on the sideline.
The ball now as safe as it could be in the hands of Pondskipper, who had barely sighed in relief When Orc blitzer Soran Steelfury stripped it from the lightning quick skink and got HIS mitts on it.
As neither team could decide who should have the ball, the line of scrimmage became a war zone. Lashtail engaged in a gecko-roman wrestling clinch with Deathbane, decided he had listened to enough Orc snarling and leveled the orc. After some sideline dental work, which saw the removal of a hand full of saurus scales, A gold plated wristguard, three molars and a live chicken, Deathbane was declared fit to continue.
Out of the pile emerged the dodgey Mok Rawtar, who had decided that enough was enough. Scooping up the ball, he tossed a pass in seemingly one motion. Steelfury, in stride, pulled the ball out of thin air and danced into the endzone virtually untouched. The home town boys were ahead 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half.
Anyone who is anyone knows that skinks are renowned for their speed, and those same anyones also know that Orcs are generally unintelligent, stubborn and forgetful. With merely seconds left in the half the orc kick landed in front of speedy skink Reedrush, Who, looking at the clock, decided it was time to shine. With a wink to the saurus line, they began their all star performance of blocking, setting almost every orc on his behind. With a flash of green and gold and a puff of smoke, as if teleporting through time and space itself, Reedrush appeared a fraction of a second later celebrating in the Orc endzone. With jaws nearly touching the ground and eyes as wide as an ogre's behind, the orc team headed to the locker room to discuss what went wrong. The Carnosaurs joined them in leaving the field after Reedrush received some much deserved team appreciation.
With the score tied 1 all the Orcs were set to kick again. This kick looked good, bouncing mere inches from the orc line. The Spinebreakers decided to stack the right side of the pitch, but the Carnosaurs, cashing in on the forgetfulness of the orcs, are merely did what they did best and simply outran the orcs to the ball. Zipping across to the left side of the pitch, Reedrush handed off to a wide open Pondskipper who walked into the endzone without an orc within sight.
Lots of time remained on the clock, but unsuccessful blocks and a determined saurus defensive line meant that the orcs could barely muster a simple pass before time expired. The Carnosaurs had defeated the reigning champions and solidified their reputation as a top contender for this season's Dungeonbowl Championship.
MVPs of the match were Puddlejumper of the Carnosaurs for his shifty assists, and Rok Straglash who earned the honors simply for showing up.
Special mentions go to Lashtail and Firetongue, saurus blockers, for their strong presences on the line of scrimmage, as well as to skinks Reedrush and Pondskipper for their skilled handiwork throughout the match.
Thanks for that comprehensive and humorous take on the action, Kay! Still more updates to follow!
No comments:
Post a Comment