Week three action in the MMBBL is coming to you, hot off the presses! This week's two matches saw the Woad Warriors take on the Dirt Bursters, while the Day's End faced off against the Meathooks.
The first match concluded with the final score 2-0 in favour of the Undead, in what was considered by the record-breaking crowd to be a soft, friendly match. Touchdowns were scored by No Guts Bob the wight, and Ned Gummers the very adept ghoul. No serious injuries were caused until well past halftime, and all three of these were handled expertly by the Woad Warriors' training staff or not so serious that a week's rest wouldn't cure all damage. The weather during the game was particularly odd, with blizzard conditions prevailing for the first half, including another strange bolt of lightning coming down to only partially singe Ol' Teabagger of the Dirt Bursters.
This matches MVP awards were given to Robert Sideburns, Scottish thrower, for his presence of mind and great ball control during the adverse weather, and Blacky Gobbler, ghoul player for the Dusk Hill team. Other notables included Chuck MacCaber, who mirrored his MVP teammate's great control, and Lanks McBreak, who endured countless severe beatings until finally steeling his bony resolve and dishing out a casualty of his own, showing that finally, eventually, a creature with nothing left in his brain cavity can learn to block.
Game two made up for what the first game lacked in punishing play. The Meathooks squeezed out a 3-2 victory over the Day's End, but the amount of injuries sustained by the Day's End Thrall corps is a testament to the resolve of their Vampires. Once again, under the tutelage of Count Luthor Von Drakenborg, they took the field in an effort to prove that style has a place in this league of rusty armour and slapdash body paint.
Touchdowns for the Day's End were scored by Von Drakenborg himself, as well as The Prince of the Nine, who is leading the way as far as training among the vampires is concerned, with his blocking skillls gaining some polish. The Meathooks found the endzone three times thanks to an hurculean effort by Stabbo, a blitzer who was seemingly tired of living in Beef Bigaxe's shadow. An absolute marvel on the pitch today, he's quickly asserted himself as the Orc to watch for this year's MVP awards. With two strong, speedy blitzers (and who knows how many to come up from the minor leagues with time) the green offense just got a lot more offensive.
Four major casualties were caused by the Meathooks squad, with line orc Lockjaw, blitzer Stabbo, and black orcs Gort Crudhammer and Grunt Skunchman contributing to the carnage. The myriad of other downed thralls was due to a combination of poor footing and unchecked appetite. MVP of the match for the Meathooks was Hamfist Goreguts (presumably because of Stabbo's inability to be given the award after being paraded out of the stadium by thousands of ecstatic orc supporters) who recently recieved an armour endorsement from ReBlok. Spicy, Thrall of the Day's End also got the MVP nod, but will likely have to receive the honour from a hospital bed, having sustained a serious injury which seems to point towards chronic relapse if he's ever hurt again. The Meathooks' other notable performances came from the blocking and bashing skill of Grunt Skunchman, Pickles' dead-eye throwing skill, and of course Stabbo's ball-stripping prowess.
We've reached the halfway point of the Dungeonbowl season! Each of the four teams will play each other again before the playoffs begin. Next week we'll have the Woad Warriors rumbling with the Day's End, and the highly anticipated rematch between the Meathooks and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Don't miss out, it's gonna be a wild one!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Undead Dominate, Scots Retain Freedom (and Lives)
This week's MMBBL action saw the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters take on the Day's End, while the Meathooks played the Woad Warriors. This will go on record as the bloodiest, messiest week in our short history, including nearly a dozen casualties over two games, and boasting four fatalities, three of which were permanent.
In the first match, the Day's End, fresh off their decisive 3-0 victory over the Woad Warriors, were mangled by a ravenous Dirt Bursters squad, with the final score being 5-0 in favour of the undead side. Not even the presence of the illustrious and talented Count Luthor Von Drakenborg was enough to stem the putrid tide, and the Day's End coaching staff will be re-evaluating their playbooks to mend the gaps exploited by the admittedly more experienced Dirt Bursters team.
Casualties for the Day's End included serious injuries for Sister Bloodwine the vampiress and Sour the thrall, as well as the permanent departure of Salty and the not-quite-as-permanent departure of Tinny, who was carried off in several pieces, and subsequently spotted (mostly, anyway) on the Dirt Bursters bench as a newly reconstituted zombie.
Scoring for the undead was the work of the usual suspects, the ghouls known as Ol' Teabagger and Ned Gummers, the former scoring twice and the latter three times. Can anyone stop the ghoul ground attack? Not yet, at least. The casualties handed out were courtesy of zombies Chunk Norton (2) and Stumps O'Boggy, wights Lez White and No Guts Bob (2), and ghoul Ned Gummers.
The MVPs of the match were Lanks McBreak of the Dirt Bursters (who apparently got the nod out of some sort of "rewards first" incentive plan), and Von Drakenborg for the Day's End, who promptly stormed off the field in a string a blahs and hisses. Other notables for the Dirt Bursters were the ever-dangerous Chunk Norton, who seems to be piling on the muscle (not his, but his victims', we are told), No Guts Bob, whose defensive sensibilities are gaining notice, Ned Gummers, who's learned how to take a hit and keep moving, and Ol' Teabagger, who to the horror of the entire league has developed prodigious jumping skill. Some squads are calling for mandatory faceguards in response.
After the game, the Dirt Bursters announced the signing of three assistant coaches to help delegate the assorted tasks of offense, defense, and special teams, as well as the hiring of a group of "groanleaders" to really get the crowd on its feet and shambling.
The night's second match saw the Meathooks in action against the Woad Warriors. The Meathooks played a formidable defense in their previous match, limiting the explosive Dirt Bursters to one touchdown and taking the draw at the end. The Warriors come from a 3-0 loss at the hands of the Days End, and are out to prove that they can compete in this league.
The score when the dust settled was 2-0 for the Woad Warriors, who were fortunate to even be on the field at the end of it all, as a parade of non-serious injury left them down to five players before the final whistle blew. Touchdowns were scored by lineman Frogurt Louis Stevenson and runner Scot Free, the first in a rushing play and the latter from a desperate passing setup that easily might have gone the other way.
The Meathooks, though beaten, were pleased with the intensity of their performance, injuring four of the Woad Warriors. The corpulent Beefquake, heavy-handed Gort Crudhammer, frantic Rip Steakface and brutal Hamfist Goreguts each sent a Woad Warrior off for the night. The Woad Warriors, however, left a deeper impression with fewer injuries, as Chuck MacCaber punched Bloatgar the Flatulent's nose into his brain and out the other side, and Ewen McGrogger rendered Stabbo medically dead for three minutes until he was revived miraculously by the scent of Bloatgar's sudden and violent decompression. A freak bolt of lightning, which the Meathooks are calling a dirty trick and the Warriors are dubbing "favourable weather", struck line orc Ramrod Meatmissile on his way to the end zone, but was not seriously baked.
MVPs of this match were Robert the Brute of the Woad Warriors, who was thrown out late in the game for a blatant foul, and Gort Crudhammer of the Meathooks, who messed up the field more than an absentminded skydiving ogre, and eve managed to apply some steady blocking technique.
After the match, both squads were present at a press conference, and rather civil given the circumstances, sharing drinks to commemorate the loss of Bloatgar and thanking the fumigators for their diligent work over the next two months to get rid of the smell. The Meathooks announced that they had signed Gristly Slötturhaus, a forcibly messy troll from somewhere high in the mountains. The Woad Warriors were pleased to introduce their own newest acquisition, Berserker Sean Clobbery.
That's all from this week's action, sportsfiends! see you next time!
In the first match, the Day's End, fresh off their decisive 3-0 victory over the Woad Warriors, were mangled by a ravenous Dirt Bursters squad, with the final score being 5-0 in favour of the undead side. Not even the presence of the illustrious and talented Count Luthor Von Drakenborg was enough to stem the putrid tide, and the Day's End coaching staff will be re-evaluating their playbooks to mend the gaps exploited by the admittedly more experienced Dirt Bursters team.
Casualties for the Day's End included serious injuries for Sister Bloodwine the vampiress and Sour the thrall, as well as the permanent departure of Salty and the not-quite-as-permanent departure of Tinny, who was carried off in several pieces, and subsequently spotted (mostly, anyway) on the Dirt Bursters bench as a newly reconstituted zombie.
Scoring for the undead was the work of the usual suspects, the ghouls known as Ol' Teabagger and Ned Gummers, the former scoring twice and the latter three times. Can anyone stop the ghoul ground attack? Not yet, at least. The casualties handed out were courtesy of zombies Chunk Norton (2) and Stumps O'Boggy, wights Lez White and No Guts Bob (2), and ghoul Ned Gummers.
The MVPs of the match were Lanks McBreak of the Dirt Bursters (who apparently got the nod out of some sort of "rewards first" incentive plan), and Von Drakenborg for the Day's End, who promptly stormed off the field in a string a blahs and hisses. Other notables for the Dirt Bursters were the ever-dangerous Chunk Norton, who seems to be piling on the muscle (not his, but his victims', we are told), No Guts Bob, whose defensive sensibilities are gaining notice, Ned Gummers, who's learned how to take a hit and keep moving, and Ol' Teabagger, who to the horror of the entire league has developed prodigious jumping skill. Some squads are calling for mandatory faceguards in response.
After the game, the Dirt Bursters announced the signing of three assistant coaches to help delegate the assorted tasks of offense, defense, and special teams, as well as the hiring of a group of "groanleaders" to really get the crowd on its feet and shambling.
The night's second match saw the Meathooks in action against the Woad Warriors. The Meathooks played a formidable defense in their previous match, limiting the explosive Dirt Bursters to one touchdown and taking the draw at the end. The Warriors come from a 3-0 loss at the hands of the Days End, and are out to prove that they can compete in this league.
The score when the dust settled was 2-0 for the Woad Warriors, who were fortunate to even be on the field at the end of it all, as a parade of non-serious injury left them down to five players before the final whistle blew. Touchdowns were scored by lineman Frogurt Louis Stevenson and runner Scot Free, the first in a rushing play and the latter from a desperate passing setup that easily might have gone the other way.
The Meathooks, though beaten, were pleased with the intensity of their performance, injuring four of the Woad Warriors. The corpulent Beefquake, heavy-handed Gort Crudhammer, frantic Rip Steakface and brutal Hamfist Goreguts each sent a Woad Warrior off for the night. The Woad Warriors, however, left a deeper impression with fewer injuries, as Chuck MacCaber punched Bloatgar the Flatulent's nose into his brain and out the other side, and Ewen McGrogger rendered Stabbo medically dead for three minutes until he was revived miraculously by the scent of Bloatgar's sudden and violent decompression. A freak bolt of lightning, which the Meathooks are calling a dirty trick and the Warriors are dubbing "favourable weather", struck line orc Ramrod Meatmissile on his way to the end zone, but was not seriously baked.
MVPs of this match were Robert the Brute of the Woad Warriors, who was thrown out late in the game for a blatant foul, and Gort Crudhammer of the Meathooks, who messed up the field more than an absentminded skydiving ogre, and eve managed to apply some steady blocking technique.
After the match, both squads were present at a press conference, and rather civil given the circumstances, sharing drinks to commemorate the loss of Bloatgar and thanking the fumigators for their diligent work over the next two months to get rid of the smell. The Meathooks announced that they had signed Gristly Slötturhaus, a forcibly messy troll from somewhere high in the mountains. The Woad Warriors were pleased to introduce their own newest acquisition, Berserker Sean Clobbery.
That's all from this week's action, sportsfiends! see you next time!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Night of the Hooligans
The Dungeonbowl season kicked off last night with two great matches. The first match saw newcomer teams the Day's End and the Woad Warriors square off against each other, while the second pitted the veteran squad the Meathooks against the reigning champion Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.
The first match started awkwardly for both squads. Many of the Woad Warriors seem to have shown up a bit shaky and fell down with regularity. Conversely, the first fatality of the season came not at the hands of an opposing team, but from the same squad as the casualty, as The Prince of the Nine, resplendent in his uniform and cape, briefly lost control and drained the life of the thrall known simply as Robust. This apparently served to motivate the Day's End, and the game was theirs from that point on.
Touchdowns were scored by the thralls Like-Chicken and Bland, and by The Prince of the Nine himself. We are unclear as to what the Nine is, or why there are Nine of them, but after his display of both monstrous appetite and top-notch game sense, his fans are certain that it's a combination of unpleasant hells and a mix of herbs and spices. The Woad Warriors came close on a couple of occasions, but couldn't stay standing long enough to get into the end zone. Unfortunately as well for the Warriors, a riot erupted and saw a great deal of time lost and a great deal of fans depart on a rampage to who-knows-where.
Injuries were suffered by both squads, including the second fatality of the season administered by Duncan Donuts, the overweight, overbearing and over-the-top lineman of the Warriors. To the woe of the Day's End, he took down Bland, one of their touchdown scorers from earlier in the game. The thrall known as Tinny added a serious injury of his own, knocking berserker William Wallops our of the match. Lineman Kilt Chamberlain fell down while trying to escape a pile-up at midfield, and will miss a game due to a smashed knee.
The final score was 3-0, and MVPs for the match were the thrall "Sour" of the Day's End, and Ewen McGrogger of the Woad Warriors, who recieved this season's first equipment sponsorship from Ironplaid Industries.
Game number two of the night was another brutal affair, not especially because of violence, but because of the parade of errors on the pitch that led to the match ending in a 1-1 draw. Most of the first half was spent in a perpetual scrum at midfield, as neither orc nor zombie seemed capable of picking up a ball that may as well have been covered in soap. The game was played in bright sunshine that gave way to blizzard conditions eventually, resulting in even less offense. In fact, not a single score was registered in the first half of the game.
The second half was a more interesting affair, with touchdowns being run in by the star players of each team. Ol' Teabagger brought it in for the Dirt Bursters, and Beef Bigaxe made the score to tie it for the the Meathooks. On the next kickoff, however, the rioting fans from the first game of the night made their way to this stadium as well, and the clock wound up running until only a few seconds remained. The game ended with a whimper instead of a bang.
MVPs of the match were Pickles of the Meathooks, a thrower who managed to...well, we aren't quite sure what he did this game, and Ned Gummers the ghoul for the Dirt Bursters, who has followed the exercise regimen pioneered by his teammate Ol' Teabagger and increased his mobility. No word on the current whereabouts of the angry mob that stormed through both games, but other teams and leagues are advised to be on the lookout.
The first match started awkwardly for both squads. Many of the Woad Warriors seem to have shown up a bit shaky and fell down with regularity. Conversely, the first fatality of the season came not at the hands of an opposing team, but from the same squad as the casualty, as The Prince of the Nine, resplendent in his uniform and cape, briefly lost control and drained the life of the thrall known simply as Robust. This apparently served to motivate the Day's End, and the game was theirs from that point on.
Touchdowns were scored by the thralls Like-Chicken and Bland, and by The Prince of the Nine himself. We are unclear as to what the Nine is, or why there are Nine of them, but after his display of both monstrous appetite and top-notch game sense, his fans are certain that it's a combination of unpleasant hells and a mix of herbs and spices. The Woad Warriors came close on a couple of occasions, but couldn't stay standing long enough to get into the end zone. Unfortunately as well for the Warriors, a riot erupted and saw a great deal of time lost and a great deal of fans depart on a rampage to who-knows-where.
Injuries were suffered by both squads, including the second fatality of the season administered by Duncan Donuts, the overweight, overbearing and over-the-top lineman of the Warriors. To the woe of the Day's End, he took down Bland, one of their touchdown scorers from earlier in the game. The thrall known as Tinny added a serious injury of his own, knocking berserker William Wallops our of the match. Lineman Kilt Chamberlain fell down while trying to escape a pile-up at midfield, and will miss a game due to a smashed knee.
The final score was 3-0, and MVPs for the match were the thrall "Sour" of the Day's End, and Ewen McGrogger of the Woad Warriors, who recieved this season's first equipment sponsorship from Ironplaid Industries.
Game number two of the night was another brutal affair, not especially because of violence, but because of the parade of errors on the pitch that led to the match ending in a 1-1 draw. Most of the first half was spent in a perpetual scrum at midfield, as neither orc nor zombie seemed capable of picking up a ball that may as well have been covered in soap. The game was played in bright sunshine that gave way to blizzard conditions eventually, resulting in even less offense. In fact, not a single score was registered in the first half of the game.
The second half was a more interesting affair, with touchdowns being run in by the star players of each team. Ol' Teabagger brought it in for the Dirt Bursters, and Beef Bigaxe made the score to tie it for the the Meathooks. On the next kickoff, however, the rioting fans from the first game of the night made their way to this stadium as well, and the clock wound up running until only a few seconds remained. The game ended with a whimper instead of a bang.
MVPs of the match were Pickles of the Meathooks, a thrower who managed to...well, we aren't quite sure what he did this game, and Ned Gummers the ghoul for the Dirt Bursters, who has followed the exercise regimen pioneered by his teammate Ol' Teabagger and increased his mobility. No word on the current whereabouts of the angry mob that stormed through both games, but other teams and leagues are advised to be on the lookout.
Monday, January 28, 2008
State of the MMBBL Address
The start of the Dungeonbowl season is upon us, and it's time for a "state of the league" type of address.
While we're sad at the loss of a couple of regular teams, we're happy that we've got a solid four-player base on which to expand. At one point we had envisioned allowing players to run two teams this season to add more variety, but the general consensus is that it's too much work too soon. As a result, the four players and their teams are as follows for this season.
Chris Mudd - The Days End: The Gold Miners will be taking a rest for the Winter and their place will be taken by a Vampire squad, complete with emo-goth names for the vamps and taste-related IDs for the thralls (my favourite is "Like-Chicken").
Matt Stroud - The Woad Warriors: The Fly-by Knights, being students of traditional warfare, will not compete in the Winter months. They are replaced by a squad of Norse with a Scottish bent, mostly named with permutations of famous highland folk.
Sandy Miller - The Meathooks: One of two returning squads is the Meathooks, continuing their legacy of looking at the casualty count instead of the scoreboard to measure their success. Look for them to make a splash in their second season.
Curtis Hunt - The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters: The returning champs are, well, returning. A strong, well-rounded squad which prides itself on both the lethal efficiency of its mummies and the highlight-reel calibre play of its ghouls is sure to electrify the crowd once again...and possibly be electrified once or twice too, since they have the highest team rating in the league.
Relegation: The Fly-by Knights and Gildengrip's Gold Miners are on one-season hiatus at this point, likely to return for the Spring season. The Greenskin Bumlookers and the Low-Blows, due to the commitments of their respective coaches, are on an indefinite "stand-by" status, and may play a match here and there as their schedule and interest permits.
Introduction: One, possibly two new players will take the pitch this season. Rob Anderson is set to field a Dwarf squad (and we've seen just how fun those can be) and Andrew "Beans" Embury is listed as possible and hasn't yet chosen a team. We wish these two the best of luck, and let them know that anything can happen once you have a feel for the game. Curtis can attest to that after defeating the only two players with actual experience prior to last season in the playoffs for the Spike! title.
The league's first meeting for the Winter season is this Wednesday, and it looks like we're going to have two matches on tap. The Dirt Bursters vs the Meathooks, and the Day's End vs. the Woad Warriors. These may change depending on player availability, but if all proceeds as normal then Rob and Beans will have their own teams created before the evening ends.
That's about it for the administrative aspects of the league. On to other matters.
A minor rules change to reflect the Winter season - The Sweltering Heat result in the weather table is being replaced by a second Blizzard result. The reverse will occur in the Summer season, to reflect the...lack of blizzards, mostly.
The league is being switched over to Excel-based team sheets. This is for three very good reasons. The first is that if a sheet gets lost, we can just print a new one out. The second is that they are much tidier and easier to track stats on. The third is that, after some strange talleys during the transfer, things like missing players, phantom injuries and miscounted skill points were popping up like some kind of numerical case of chicken pox. Luckily, we got it while we were young and with luck we can be immune from this point on.
It's good to see we've got it in us for another season, it's great to see the potential for new players as well. We'll see you Wednesday night for the first matches, and then back here on the blog for the results!
While we're sad at the loss of a couple of regular teams, we're happy that we've got a solid four-player base on which to expand. At one point we had envisioned allowing players to run two teams this season to add more variety, but the general consensus is that it's too much work too soon. As a result, the four players and their teams are as follows for this season.
Chris Mudd - The Days End: The Gold Miners will be taking a rest for the Winter and their place will be taken by a Vampire squad, complete with emo-goth names for the vamps and taste-related IDs for the thralls (my favourite is "Like-Chicken").
Matt Stroud - The Woad Warriors: The Fly-by Knights, being students of traditional warfare, will not compete in the Winter months. They are replaced by a squad of Norse with a Scottish bent, mostly named with permutations of famous highland folk.
Sandy Miller - The Meathooks: One of two returning squads is the Meathooks, continuing their legacy of looking at the casualty count instead of the scoreboard to measure their success. Look for them to make a splash in their second season.
Curtis Hunt - The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters: The returning champs are, well, returning. A strong, well-rounded squad which prides itself on both the lethal efficiency of its mummies and the highlight-reel calibre play of its ghouls is sure to electrify the crowd once again...and possibly be electrified once or twice too, since they have the highest team rating in the league.
Relegation: The Fly-by Knights and Gildengrip's Gold Miners are on one-season hiatus at this point, likely to return for the Spring season. The Greenskin Bumlookers and the Low-Blows, due to the commitments of their respective coaches, are on an indefinite "stand-by" status, and may play a match here and there as their schedule and interest permits.
Introduction: One, possibly two new players will take the pitch this season. Rob Anderson is set to field a Dwarf squad (and we've seen just how fun those can be) and Andrew "Beans" Embury is listed as possible and hasn't yet chosen a team. We wish these two the best of luck, and let them know that anything can happen once you have a feel for the game. Curtis can attest to that after defeating the only two players with actual experience prior to last season in the playoffs for the Spike! title.
The league's first meeting for the Winter season is this Wednesday, and it looks like we're going to have two matches on tap. The Dirt Bursters vs the Meathooks, and the Day's End vs. the Woad Warriors. These may change depending on player availability, but if all proceeds as normal then Rob and Beans will have their own teams created before the evening ends.
That's about it for the administrative aspects of the league. On to other matters.
A minor rules change to reflect the Winter season - The Sweltering Heat result in the weather table is being replaced by a second Blizzard result. The reverse will occur in the Summer season, to reflect the...lack of blizzards, mostly.
The league is being switched over to Excel-based team sheets. This is for three very good reasons. The first is that if a sheet gets lost, we can just print a new one out. The second is that they are much tidier and easier to track stats on. The third is that, after some strange talleys during the transfer, things like missing players, phantom injuries and miscounted skill points were popping up like some kind of numerical case of chicken pox. Luckily, we got it while we were young and with luck we can be immune from this point on.
It's good to see we've got it in us for another season, it's great to see the potential for new players as well. We'll see you Wednesday night for the first matches, and then back here on the blog for the results!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
The Spike! Championship Game: Guts, Gold, and Glory
Last night, in front of some 60,000 roaring fans, the best two teams in the MMBBL clashed in the biggest night of their lives. Both played hard, both fought mercilessly, but in the end there can only be one victor. It took them a come-from-behind drive late in the second half and then overtime to seal the deal, but the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters came away with the 3-2 victory over Gildengrip's Goldminers. This, ladies and gentlemen, was one for the ages.
The first half started with a strong push from the Goldminers - in the form of the daunting Cave-Gaper deathroller. It made good use of its one trip onto the pitch, mulching zombie lineman Stumps O'Boggy, who luckily regenerated most of his mown-off parts. In response, the ever-impressive Magut made Irgon McIrons scream for mummy and put him out for the match. The score was tied after the first half, with Ned Gummers running an exceptional ground pattern for the undead and Quincy McQuicksilver of the dwarf squad cruising through the defense like a hot dwarf through butter.
The second half brought everything to a fever pitch, and saw the Dirt Bursters lay the hurt on the Goldminers. Early on, Orem Fullstock used his unconventional jump-training to motor down the field. As luck would have it, the Dirt Bursters' hired wizard was not drunk, merely disorderly, and dropped a little lightning on the charging dwarf. Fullstock survived the incident, however, and treated the fans in the end zone to the pungent odour of flash-baked dwarf sweat, to take the lead with a quarter to go. Things got messy after that, as things tend to when the undead are involved, as Ol' Teabagger the ghoul smacked Gilgarry Goldrush into the infirmary, and resident zombie hero Chunk Norton actually roundhouse kicked line dwarf Shamus smith to death. The foul went unnoticed, likely for fear that he would turn his deadly foot on the ref himself. As a result, Smith was buried in the dugout, but shortly thereafter rose and shambled across to the undead bench during a commercial break. The Dirt Bursters then charged down the pitch and Ol' Teabagger brought the game to a deadlock with mere seconds remaining. The game proceeded to overtime, and while the Dirt Busters maintained a numbers advantage, the Goldminers had the upper hand in training.
The Goldminers won the toss and gained posession early on a bad kick, but the Dirt Bursters jumped into the fray and came out of the pile with possession. it was only a matter of time before Ol' Teabagger tore down the field, and put the game away to the collective moans of the crowd - Goldminers fans in anguish, Dirt Bursters fans in what passes for enthusiasm among the undead.
The match MVPs for the Spike! Championship game were Finnick Ferrus of the Goldminers, and the impressively destructive Chunk Norris. Other standouts included Magut, the only mummy with the presence of mind to guard his cohorts, and Ol'Teabagger himself, who seems to get faster every day.
The Spike! Tournament MVP award is presented to the most outstanding star in the league, regardless of their team's success in the playoffs. This year, the honour was shared, and by two members of the same team. Gilgarry Goldrush and Quincy McQuicksilver, the elite running backs for Gildengrip's Goldminers, both showed that some dwarves can really run, and pass, when need be. Each had five touchdowns this season.
The Dirt Bursters will be back to defend the league championship for the Winter season, while the Goldminers are returning home for a long season of drinking and mining. Chances are they'll return in nicer weather, shinier than ever!
For all of us here at the MMBBL, I'm Commissioner Matt Stroud. They may be dead, but no one is living it up quite like the Dirt Bursters today. Goodnight, and we'll see you soon when the Winter season kicks off! New teams, new players, and new reasons to call in the paramedics!
The first half started with a strong push from the Goldminers - in the form of the daunting Cave-Gaper deathroller. It made good use of its one trip onto the pitch, mulching zombie lineman Stumps O'Boggy, who luckily regenerated most of his mown-off parts. In response, the ever-impressive Magut made Irgon McIrons scream for mummy and put him out for the match. The score was tied after the first half, with Ned Gummers running an exceptional ground pattern for the undead and Quincy McQuicksilver of the dwarf squad cruising through the defense like a hot dwarf through butter.
The second half brought everything to a fever pitch, and saw the Dirt Bursters lay the hurt on the Goldminers. Early on, Orem Fullstock used his unconventional jump-training to motor down the field. As luck would have it, the Dirt Bursters' hired wizard was not drunk, merely disorderly, and dropped a little lightning on the charging dwarf. Fullstock survived the incident, however, and treated the fans in the end zone to the pungent odour of flash-baked dwarf sweat, to take the lead with a quarter to go. Things got messy after that, as things tend to when the undead are involved, as Ol' Teabagger the ghoul smacked Gilgarry Goldrush into the infirmary, and resident zombie hero Chunk Norton actually roundhouse kicked line dwarf Shamus smith to death. The foul went unnoticed, likely for fear that he would turn his deadly foot on the ref himself. As a result, Smith was buried in the dugout, but shortly thereafter rose and shambled across to the undead bench during a commercial break. The Dirt Bursters then charged down the pitch and Ol' Teabagger brought the game to a deadlock with mere seconds remaining. The game proceeded to overtime, and while the Dirt Busters maintained a numbers advantage, the Goldminers had the upper hand in training.
The Goldminers won the toss and gained posession early on a bad kick, but the Dirt Bursters jumped into the fray and came out of the pile with possession. it was only a matter of time before Ol' Teabagger tore down the field, and put the game away to the collective moans of the crowd - Goldminers fans in anguish, Dirt Bursters fans in what passes for enthusiasm among the undead.
The match MVPs for the Spike! Championship game were Finnick Ferrus of the Goldminers, and the impressively destructive Chunk Norris. Other standouts included Magut, the only mummy with the presence of mind to guard his cohorts, and Ol'Teabagger himself, who seems to get faster every day.
The Spike! Tournament MVP award is presented to the most outstanding star in the league, regardless of their team's success in the playoffs. This year, the honour was shared, and by two members of the same team. Gilgarry Goldrush and Quincy McQuicksilver, the elite running backs for Gildengrip's Goldminers, both showed that some dwarves can really run, and pass, when need be. Each had five touchdowns this season.
The Dirt Bursters will be back to defend the league championship for the Winter season, while the Goldminers are returning home for a long season of drinking and mining. Chances are they'll return in nicer weather, shinier than ever!
For all of us here at the MMBBL, I'm Commissioner Matt Stroud. They may be dead, but no one is living it up quite like the Dirt Bursters today. Goodnight, and we'll see you soon when the Winter season kicks off! New teams, new players, and new reasons to call in the paramedics!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Playoffs Round 2: Goldminers Strike Despite Offensive Cave-In
Gildengrip's Goldminers have advanced to the MMBBL Finals, defeating the Low Blows 3-0 in a dangerous tilt. The Goldminers will now play The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters in the championship match, while the Low Blows return to their mountain defeated, but not downhearted.
The offensive power of the Goldminers was never truly in question, but they were handed several setbacks by a Low Blows squad with nothing to lose and plenty of attitude. While the score itself favoured the Miners, the injury talley went 4 to 1 in favour of the Low Blows. It's hard to pick which casualty had the greatest significance - Troll Slayer Edgar Bagpunch actually punched Mick Mithril of the Gold Miners to death...in the bag. He was revived by the Gold Miners' skilled medic team, only to be stomped yet again in the second half. Cedric Eyegouge managed to raise some eyebrows and probably is responsible for the loss of countless kneecaps in the booking department, as he defied the odds and managed to push over the Cave-Gaper, the Goldminer's Deathroller. I've seen many broken-down 'rollers in my day, but never one that was actually busted up by the opposing team like that. Luckily for the Goldminers, the investment isn't ruined as their mechanics have got the situation under control.
The matter of actual scoring came as no surprise to longtime Goldminers fans. Gilgarry Goldrush scored the first touchdown of the game and Quincy McQuicksilver ran in the other two scores late in the second half. This duo of dynamic running backs has become the talk of the league through these playoffs, and they're definitely the players to watch for the Goldminers when they show up for the finals round.
MVPs for the match were Pinky Earpull of the Low Blows, with a solid protective presence on the line of scrimmage, and Starley O'Steel for the Goldminers, who continued is dominance out in front. Finnick Ferris had a great game as well for the miners, and has become a part of their plan for a perfect defense, while Orem Fullstock's agility training has made him stand out as a Blitzer with an amazing vertical leap.
With the end of this match, the Low Blows have announced that they will assume a casual role in future seasons, offering perhaps a surprise challenge to another coach every so often. Still, they'll remain as a part of the MMBBL's historic inaugural season, and the word out of Devil's Ass (their hometown mine community) is that every year to commemorate it, they're going to knock over, shove around, and otherwise mishandle several machine-tractors in honour of the Dwarf who knocked over a Deathroller.
The Finals are almost here! Get ready to crown the frst ever MMBBL champions!
The offensive power of the Goldminers was never truly in question, but they were handed several setbacks by a Low Blows squad with nothing to lose and plenty of attitude. While the score itself favoured the Miners, the injury talley went 4 to 1 in favour of the Low Blows. It's hard to pick which casualty had the greatest significance - Troll Slayer Edgar Bagpunch actually punched Mick Mithril of the Gold Miners to death...in the bag. He was revived by the Gold Miners' skilled medic team, only to be stomped yet again in the second half. Cedric Eyegouge managed to raise some eyebrows and probably is responsible for the loss of countless kneecaps in the booking department, as he defied the odds and managed to push over the Cave-Gaper, the Goldminer's Deathroller. I've seen many broken-down 'rollers in my day, but never one that was actually busted up by the opposing team like that. Luckily for the Goldminers, the investment isn't ruined as their mechanics have got the situation under control.
The matter of actual scoring came as no surprise to longtime Goldminers fans. Gilgarry Goldrush scored the first touchdown of the game and Quincy McQuicksilver ran in the other two scores late in the second half. This duo of dynamic running backs has become the talk of the league through these playoffs, and they're definitely the players to watch for the Goldminers when they show up for the finals round.
MVPs for the match were Pinky Earpull of the Low Blows, with a solid protective presence on the line of scrimmage, and Starley O'Steel for the Goldminers, who continued is dominance out in front. Finnick Ferris had a great game as well for the miners, and has become a part of their plan for a perfect defense, while Orem Fullstock's agility training has made him stand out as a Blitzer with an amazing vertical leap.
With the end of this match, the Low Blows have announced that they will assume a casual role in future seasons, offering perhaps a surprise challenge to another coach every so often. Still, they'll remain as a part of the MMBBL's historic inaugural season, and the word out of Devil's Ass (their hometown mine community) is that every year to commemorate it, they're going to knock over, shove around, and otherwise mishandle several machine-tractors in honour of the Dwarf who knocked over a Deathroller.
The Finals are almost here! Get ready to crown the frst ever MMBBL champions!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Playoffs Round Two: Dirt Bursters Bury Knights
In semifinal action last night, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters advanced to the championship round with a victory over the Fly-by Knights, with a final score of 3-1.
The first half gave the impression of a high-scoring affair, With two touchdowns scored by the Dirt Bursters and one for the Knights. Ghouls Chompsalot and No-Guts Bob had the scores for the undead, while Flash Madison, in a departure from his usual role as the subtle boot of justice, had a touchdown for the human squad. The second half was far less wide-open, and the Knights' first drive was stifled in a giant pile-up. A blown pass attempt resulting in a turnover gave the Dirt Bursters the opportunity they needed to strike again, and Chompsalot put the game away for good with his second score of the night.
The match's MVPs were Mummy Magut of the Dirt Bursters, who registered a trio of casualties (none of which were serious) and lineman Abraham Sandwich of the Knights, who gained his third MVP vote and marking him as possibly the most famed and admired player to ever do not much of anything. Other notable plays involved No-Guts Bob dying when trying to run that extra yard, but remembering at the last second that he was already quite dead and should probably just get up and keep going; Reginald Reginald III of the Knights suffering a crippling injury but coming out of the surgery room right as rain; Lez White being unceremoniously dumped into the stands and carted off to who-knows-where; Flash Madison not getting caught by the refs on a record six consecutive foul attempts; and the the Dirt Bursters' hired wizard getting completely hammered and forgetting about casting a spell at all.
The Knights wish their opponents well, and are looking forward to next season's meeting, since they closed out their season by signing one Barglesnart Livingstone, who may be the only ogre to be knighted. The circumstances of this title are as yet unknown. The Dirt Bursters, meanwhile, cleaned up well with their victory and are now considering the hiring of a fourth Ghoul and another linechump...that is to say, a zombie or skeleton.
The first half gave the impression of a high-scoring affair, With two touchdowns scored by the Dirt Bursters and one for the Knights. Ghouls Chompsalot and No-Guts Bob had the scores for the undead, while Flash Madison, in a departure from his usual role as the subtle boot of justice, had a touchdown for the human squad. The second half was far less wide-open, and the Knights' first drive was stifled in a giant pile-up. A blown pass attempt resulting in a turnover gave the Dirt Bursters the opportunity they needed to strike again, and Chompsalot put the game away for good with his second score of the night.
The match's MVPs were Mummy Magut of the Dirt Bursters, who registered a trio of casualties (none of which were serious) and lineman Abraham Sandwich of the Knights, who gained his third MVP vote and marking him as possibly the most famed and admired player to ever do not much of anything. Other notable plays involved No-Guts Bob dying when trying to run that extra yard, but remembering at the last second that he was already quite dead and should probably just get up and keep going; Reginald Reginald III of the Knights suffering a crippling injury but coming out of the surgery room right as rain; Lez White being unceremoniously dumped into the stands and carted off to who-knows-where; Flash Madison not getting caught by the refs on a record six consecutive foul attempts; and the the Dirt Bursters' hired wizard getting completely hammered and forgetting about casting a spell at all.
The Knights wish their opponents well, and are looking forward to next season's meeting, since they closed out their season by signing one Barglesnart Livingstone, who may be the only ogre to be knighted. The circumstances of this title are as yet unknown. The Dirt Bursters, meanwhile, cleaned up well with their victory and are now considering the hiring of a fourth Ghoul and another linechump...that is to say, a zombie or skeleton.
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