The final formality with regards to the Chaos Cup season has come and gone, and the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters once again reign as the MMBBL's champions. It wasn't an easy finish by any means, and their final opponents, the Fly-by Knights, made them earn every inch on the march to victory.
Still displeased by the vein of mediocrity plaguing this talented team, the Dirt Bursters released zombies Stabbo and Shamus Smith, formerly of the Meathooks and Gildengrip's Gold Miners, respectively. Then, in a move to replace the fallen Blacky Gobbler, eager rookie ghoul Dug Nobs was hired to bring another element of speed to the roster. The day couldn't have been more perfect, the matchup couldn't have been more storied. Two of the league's founding teams, one having tasted victory, the other having only wafted its honeyed aroma.
The first possession went to the Dirt Bursters, and before anyone could handle the ball, one zealous fan decided to "handle" one of the Knights' linemen. We aren't sure where he got the brick, but none were as surprised as Max Limit, who crumpled like a cardboard parapet when the projectile struck him in the helmet. He was dragged off hurriedly before the ball landed, to sleep off the mild head trauma.
The ball came down near the illustrious Ol' Teabagger, whose exploits and talent are now so far-reaching that if you don't know who we're talking about, you should probably go back to the archives for an education in glory. Making his way into the safety of the zombie-mummy pocket, the O.T.B. was caught off guard by Knights' running back Jacques Strappe, who knocked the ball loose into the fray. The Knights weren't going to make this easy, but the undead line rose to the occasion, as Lez White opened the hostilities by throttling lineman Solomon Squatz. Squatz appeared to have broken his neck, which would mean almost certain demotion to the minors, but the docs worked out the problem quickly, and the injury was revealed as merely a pinched nerve, still serious but not life-threatening.
The Towering mummy Khermit put his own stamp on the game immediately afterwards, putting cocky Knights blitzer Chet Jackweed out for the match with a mighty shove. The gap left by the two fallen linemen was all the Dirt Bursters needed, and Ned Gummers charged out of the melee, sprinting in for the first touchdown of the game. Could the Fly-by Knights respond?
They set about doing just that, and the ever-effective Lance Freely, heavily favoured to win the Silver Elbow this year, completed his first pass of the game to catcher Stanley Steele. Steele was brought down, however, and when wight No Guts Bob forced a gap in the human line by laying out Wamsley Wedgeworth, Ol' Teabagger finished what he started on his first run and scored to make it two to nothing for the Dirt Bursters. The entire crowd was moaning, both from the anguish of the human fans and the assumed joy of the undead supporters. With little time to play in the first half, Jacques Strappe completed a pass to Brad Attitûd, though the catcher didn't have enough time to run the ball in before the whistle blew.
Battered and bruised after just one half, down two linemen and a blitzer, the Knights needed to rally around something - anything - to make a game of it. To their dismay, the undead read their play perfectly on the second half kickoff, and the Knights' already lopsided line of scrimmage was further compromised by a blitz from the Dirt Bursters. Even as the undead pressed the advantage on one side, however, the Knights made their hay by running a reversal. Jacques Strappe unloaded the long pass to Stanley Steele, who showed remarkable selflessness in handing off to Brad Attitûd, who in turn was off like a shot down the sideline. Aware of the chance to score, the human line threw itself boldly in the way of any potential playbreakers, and hard-working Abraham Sandwich made the greatest of the ensuing impacts, breaking the neck of newcomer Dug Nobs. Welcome to the league, Dug! Though with an injury like that it may not be a very long stay. Still, the Dirt Bursters managed to break coverage, and Ned Gummers knocked Attitûd on his backside. The Knights responded with even more high-risk strategy, as Attitûd got up and sprinted for the end zone while Steele, who had been following the play, grabbed the loose ball and shovel-passed it to his fellow catcher. One step closer to tying the match, the Knights still had a lot of work to do.
What happened next just goes to show you that no matter how tough, how talented, and how effectively detached from the mortal coil a player may supposedly be, by no means is he immortal, and certainly not without his moments of weakness. A standard running play by the Dirt Bursters on the following kickoff was going just as planned, and it looked like they could seal the victory with ease. Ol' Teabagger moved like lightning through the Knights defense, until faced with the mountain of mayhem known as Barglesnart Livingstone. The ogre was, by all accounts, oblivious to his surroundings and didn't even see the ghoul coming. Looking to cut corners in his charge, Teabagger made a flying leap to pass directly over the ogre...and apparently miscalculated. The wily ghoul crashed pelvis-first into Livingstone's helmet, and what on a smaller defender would result in moderate humiliation instead resulted in a catastrophic change to the ghoul's flight plans. Barreling end over end, Ol' Teabagger crashed to the ground in a heap and was carted away with serious but non-permanent injuries.
The Knights seized the opportunity immediately, and Lance Freely was on the spot as he found the foolhardy Flash Madison with a beauty of a pass. Chompsalot the ghoul would have nothing of it, and ran the catcher into the dirt, though he was unhurt in the collision. The same would not hold true for Chompsalot himself, who was subsequently trod under by Jacques Strappe, and removed from the pitch to sort out his insides in peace. In came Cyrano de Baggagerack on a charge through the remaining Dirt Bursters defense, retrieving the ball while on the move, and lunging into the end zone to tie the match. The crowd was in an uproar now, with the Knights rejuvenated by success and the Dirt Bursters depleted by the loss of three of their four ghouls.
With their most skilled players in a heap in the infirmary, the Dirt Bursters looked to unlikely sources for success. Ned Gummers may have been the ghoul for the job to get that final touchdown, but he couldn't simply dissolve the Knights' line. Enter Tinny, former vampire Thrall of the Day's End and one of the few low prospects to escape the recent firings from Dirt Bursters management. Tinny not only stopped what might have been another Knights "smash and grab" tactic, but also laid out Cyrano de Baggagerack with an uncharacteristic show of might. This was enough for the Dirt Bursters, with both teams seriously depleted. Ned Gummers broke through coverage, and with enough skill to avoid the onslaught of defenders, crossed the line to count the third undead touchdown.
With little time remaining, the Knights could only hope to lose once more with dignity. Lance Freely found Brad Attitûd with one final pass, but the catcher hadn't the speed to make it to the end zone in time. The Knights may have wished that the game could end then and there, because in the dying seconds, Khermit struck again, flattening Jacques Strappe with a bone-jarring hit. Strappe would survive, but lingering tenderness means that he may not be as sturdy as he once was. The final score was 3-2 for the Dirt Bursters. The perfect season was a reality, even thought the toll on the team's talent proved high. The Knights, beleaguered and heavily injured themselves, departed the stadium almost immediately to return to their castles and await the next campaign.
MVPs of the match were Brad Attitûd of the Fly-by Knights and Tinny of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, whose key last-minute block may have won the game for the undead. Also noteworthy was the play of Jacques Strappe, who despite his last-minute injury threw many successful blocks of his own, and Cyrano de Baggagerack, whose strong presence of mind on the line kept many of his teammates safe, though he himself was also injured.
After the match, the Dirt Bursters took to the field, the wounded and healthy alike, to be awarded the Chaos Cup. Each took his turn to drink from its shining bowl, hopeful that the cup would choose him as worthy of its gifts. The first to be rewarded was Magut, the monstrous mummy, who sprouted claws and moaned in undead jubilation. Immediately afterwards, his teammate and fellow wrecking machine Khermit was similarly chosen, and identically rewarded. It seems that Chaos had chosen its champions. Finally, when everyone else had tasted from the Cup, Lez White took his sip, and what happened can only be described accurately as "eeeeyyyyuuuurrrrrrgh". Erupting pustules, twitching ganglia, bursting sores and dental cataclysm exploded from White's face, turning the cheers and praise of the fans observing on the Wizardtron screen into a chorus of heaving and vomit. The gift mirrored the game. Powerful, ugly, and only barely contained by conventional armour.
The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, returning and still champions of the MMBBL! Next season is the Blood Bowl, and we'll be watching as the undead vie for an unprecedented full year of dominance. Still to come - the final game on the list for the Spring season, with the Blueriver Wardoves looking to upset the Meathooks in a battle for glory and possibly recognition as the team to come closest to the Dirt Bursters. See you then!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Knights' Receivers Excel, Go'Nads Spoil Wardoves' Victory
Sit down and listen up, sportsfiends, it's time for the latest MMBBL action update! This week saw two exciting matches, in which the teams involved played for more than victory in the Chaos Cup (which has effectively been won by the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters as of last week). Honour, Pride, and of course, lives were on the line for these two thrilling games.
In the week's first match, the underachieving (by their own standards, at least) Fly-by Knights took to the field against the fierce and committed Brutakai Ragefangs. The Ragefangs, while off to a slow start in the points and wins categories, have shown impressive resolve and a deep commitment to the gritty, unapologetic nature of Blood Bowl. For their part, the Knights have rallied around their own flags even as the series slips out of reach - both the tireless legs and enthusiasm of youth and the stalwart resolve and patience of age have served them well in recent matches. With chins and spirits high, these two collective juggernauts of willpower collide - which will come away with the W?
Receiving first, the Ragefangs executed their game plan with both a show of force typical of the orc's hefty, lumbering physique, and a show of athletic grace which flies in the face of it. Krak Toothsnapper called the play perfectly, sailed a pass to Raziek Bloodrage as though the ball were on a wire, and the talented blitzer charged downfield to put the first point on the board. A great help on the line came from the popular Ripper Bolgrot, who was brought in to tilt the scales against Barglesnart Livingstone of the Knights. Things were looking up for the Brutakai Boys, but some elements of this great game are out of the players' hands, including the often under-appreciated presence of the "twelfth man" - the fans themselves.
Despite the relative ferocity of their few but fanatical supporters, the Ragefangs were at a disadvantage to the Knights' increasing fanbase, and the consequences were immediate and dire. On the next kickoff, the stands absolutely erupted with activity, and the droves of green-and-blue-clad Knights fans rushed the pitch, laying out the majority of the Ragefangs team. The Ragefangs fans attempted to respond, but the Knights' admirers effectively shielded their heroes from harm. As the dust cleared, there was no real chance for the orcs to stop the humans' quick march downfield. Lance Freely spotted the completely wide-open Stanley Steele, and the latter caught the easy pass and practically walked into the end zone. He then celebrated by paying one lucky fan a hundred gold pieces for a bite of his hot dog. Talk about a collector's item!
The rapid scoring and breakneck pace slowed before the first half ended, as the two teams sought success with the running game, but none was to be had. As a part of their "everyone participates, everyone contributes" policy, the Knights gave lineman Solomon Squatz a chance to execute a passing play while ace thrower Freely sat, and the lineman delivered a short pass to Cyrano de Baggagerack to close out the period.
Determined to find a way to deal with the orc squad's physical superiority, the Knights looked again to their youth for answers. Hot on the heels of the kickoff in the second half, blitzer Chet Jackweed trampled line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath soundly, and Nightwrath left the game under his own power. Taking advantage of the slight offset in manpower, Lance Freely found receiver Brad Attitûd with a bullet from midfield, and the lanky lad left defenders in the dust on his way to the Fly-by Knights' second score of the game.
With time running short, the Ragefangs needed everyone on the same page to complete another play and tie the match. They might have succeeded too, were it not for the ever-dangerous Jacques Strappe, whose reputation as the strongest thrower in the league is all but concrete. The resolute Strappe not only saved a touchdown with an emphatic blitz, but then picked up the fallen cargo and sent it, air mail, special delivery, to blitzer Victor Dashing. Dashing made like his name implied, and sprinted for the touchdown, sealing the deal for the Knights, the final score three to one.
Match MVP accolades went to Chet Jackweed of the Knights, with the only casualty of the game, whose training as an "armoured catcher" appears to be paying off. Kozu Ironhide, black orc of the Ragefangs, took the honour for his squad by virtue of his solid performance on the front line. Also highly of note were Brad Attitûd and Lance Freely of the Knights, who seem to have adapted to catcher Stanley Steele's training regime and demonstrated impressive agility all game. Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs gets a nod as well for demonstrating excellent presence of mind with regards to his teammates, assisting on the line despite multiple threats to his person.
Our second scheduled game was a clash of extreme opposites. The graceful, groomed and gorgeous lads of the the Blueriver Wardoves brought their brand of quick, precise elven game to bear against the robust, rude and rowdy Smash and Go'nads, for whom success is measured only in destruction and blood alcohol level. Divergent philosophies coupled with a lust for the prize of victory and a cruelly brilliant sun can mean only one thing, sportsfiends - entertainment!
Things started out with a typical dwarf play, and the crafty fellows handed off to runner Adam Meway, who sheltered himself behind a crushing protective force of longbeards. Just as the line seemed it may buckle, Meway burst forth like the fizz from a newly-shaken can of Bloodweiser and dashed into the end zone. The dwarves had made their statement; could the elves respond?
Respond they did, in more ways than one. Vengeance was the first item on the Wardoves' menu, and Mlalyn Firefawn was the line cook of punishment as he violently fouled the down-and-out Gil T. Azell. The refs caught it, though, (for the record, the first time they've had the stones to do so all season), and Firefawn was sent off to the resounding boos of the already-wasted dwarven crowds. Azell was in horrible shape, but the dwarves' doc made no mistake and saw the bruising slayer back to the dugout for the next drive. Meanwhile, the elves were free to change the game to their own liking in the absence of the Go'nads' superlative troublemaker, and Bendark Mossfang made a smooth pass to the crowd-pleasing Tsih Killwillow, and before you could say "photo op" the game was tied. Killwillow reportedly celebrated by blowing a kiss to each and every one of the Wardoves' cheerleaders, who were subsequently carted to the infirmary for minor bruises sustained while falling to the grass in a stupor, as well as several counts of broken hearts. The half ended with a deadlock, both teams having each scored a touchdown.
Fired up by the momentum gained by their last drive, the Wardoves struck fast as the second half opened. Keeping the dwarves guessing while Mossfang surveyed the field coolly, the elves set up a scenario of multiple potential targets. At last the time came to strike, and the high, spiraling pass from Mossfang found Sutlan Spearflower wide open and the second point for the elves went essentially uncontested. Now all they had to do was keep the slower dwarf squad from making the game theirs again.
The Wardoves were about to find out just how hard it can be to tell a dwarf "no" and to make it stick. The bodies flew and crashed as the Smash and Go'nads paved a way for their plucky runners, but at every turn they were met with nimble elf resistance. The Wardoves danced quickly through what would be impassible coverage to most other teams. When the elves were finally upon him, Adam Meway connected with Dick Gozinia on a desperation pass, and one runner picked up the march downfield where the other left off. The dwarves were starting to win the battle to stay vertical, no doubt in part to their lower centers of gravity. Still, the Wardoves found the energy to surge at Gozinia before his goal was met. knocked off his feet, the ball scattering away, hope seemed lost until line dwarf Achilles Punks somehow managed to rein in the wild ball. Gone were the elves' hopes of an easy end to the match, but with them as well went the dwarves' ability to rely on the speed of their less-bearded specialists. With the resolve of an avalanche and much the same sound, Achilles Punks rumbled forward with the help of his teammates. The dwarves brushed aside the remaining elves as they swarmed, and panting, out of breath, heaving and farting like a true dwarven champion, Punks crossed the goal line to the uproarious support of the dwarven faithful. His celebration proved the least flamboyant of the afternoon, and he was left to nap on the pitch as the crowd dispersed. The final score: a 2-2 tie.
The most honoured players of this match were Stu Padasso of the Smash and Go'nads for his excellent line support in the dwarves' hour of need, and to Venspar Pondrazor of the Wardoves for his timely blocking. Several other accolades were given to elf catcher Sutlan Spearflower who deked and dodged his way to a touchdown, and to dwarves Achilles Punks, who supported his mates even as they paved his unlikely way to glory, and Adam Meway, who mimicked the quick reactions of his cohort Dick Gozinia and got the ball away under pressure on several occasions.
We're saving the biggest thrills for last, folks! Next week, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters seek the end to their perfect season, with the Fly-by Knights looking to upset the wagon. As well, the Meathooks take one last stab at glory when they square off against the Blueriver Wardoves in another intense duel of form vs. function. See you then!
In the week's first match, the underachieving (by their own standards, at least) Fly-by Knights took to the field against the fierce and committed Brutakai Ragefangs. The Ragefangs, while off to a slow start in the points and wins categories, have shown impressive resolve and a deep commitment to the gritty, unapologetic nature of Blood Bowl. For their part, the Knights have rallied around their own flags even as the series slips out of reach - both the tireless legs and enthusiasm of youth and the stalwart resolve and patience of age have served them well in recent matches. With chins and spirits high, these two collective juggernauts of willpower collide - which will come away with the W?
Receiving first, the Ragefangs executed their game plan with both a show of force typical of the orc's hefty, lumbering physique, and a show of athletic grace which flies in the face of it. Krak Toothsnapper called the play perfectly, sailed a pass to Raziek Bloodrage as though the ball were on a wire, and the talented blitzer charged downfield to put the first point on the board. A great help on the line came from the popular Ripper Bolgrot, who was brought in to tilt the scales against Barglesnart Livingstone of the Knights. Things were looking up for the Brutakai Boys, but some elements of this great game are out of the players' hands, including the often under-appreciated presence of the "twelfth man" - the fans themselves.
Despite the relative ferocity of their few but fanatical supporters, the Ragefangs were at a disadvantage to the Knights' increasing fanbase, and the consequences were immediate and dire. On the next kickoff, the stands absolutely erupted with activity, and the droves of green-and-blue-clad Knights fans rushed the pitch, laying out the majority of the Ragefangs team. The Ragefangs fans attempted to respond, but the Knights' admirers effectively shielded their heroes from harm. As the dust cleared, there was no real chance for the orcs to stop the humans' quick march downfield. Lance Freely spotted the completely wide-open Stanley Steele, and the latter caught the easy pass and practically walked into the end zone. He then celebrated by paying one lucky fan a hundred gold pieces for a bite of his hot dog. Talk about a collector's item!
The rapid scoring and breakneck pace slowed before the first half ended, as the two teams sought success with the running game, but none was to be had. As a part of their "everyone participates, everyone contributes" policy, the Knights gave lineman Solomon Squatz a chance to execute a passing play while ace thrower Freely sat, and the lineman delivered a short pass to Cyrano de Baggagerack to close out the period.
Determined to find a way to deal with the orc squad's physical superiority, the Knights looked again to their youth for answers. Hot on the heels of the kickoff in the second half, blitzer Chet Jackweed trampled line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath soundly, and Nightwrath left the game under his own power. Taking advantage of the slight offset in manpower, Lance Freely found receiver Brad Attitûd with a bullet from midfield, and the lanky lad left defenders in the dust on his way to the Fly-by Knights' second score of the game.
With time running short, the Ragefangs needed everyone on the same page to complete another play and tie the match. They might have succeeded too, were it not for the ever-dangerous Jacques Strappe, whose reputation as the strongest thrower in the league is all but concrete. The resolute Strappe not only saved a touchdown with an emphatic blitz, but then picked up the fallen cargo and sent it, air mail, special delivery, to blitzer Victor Dashing. Dashing made like his name implied, and sprinted for the touchdown, sealing the deal for the Knights, the final score three to one.
Match MVP accolades went to Chet Jackweed of the Knights, with the only casualty of the game, whose training as an "armoured catcher" appears to be paying off. Kozu Ironhide, black orc of the Ragefangs, took the honour for his squad by virtue of his solid performance on the front line. Also highly of note were Brad Attitûd and Lance Freely of the Knights, who seem to have adapted to catcher Stanley Steele's training regime and demonstrated impressive agility all game. Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs gets a nod as well for demonstrating excellent presence of mind with regards to his teammates, assisting on the line despite multiple threats to his person.
Our second scheduled game was a clash of extreme opposites. The graceful, groomed and gorgeous lads of the the Blueriver Wardoves brought their brand of quick, precise elven game to bear against the robust, rude and rowdy Smash and Go'nads, for whom success is measured only in destruction and blood alcohol level. Divergent philosophies coupled with a lust for the prize of victory and a cruelly brilliant sun can mean only one thing, sportsfiends - entertainment!
Things started out with a typical dwarf play, and the crafty fellows handed off to runner Adam Meway, who sheltered himself behind a crushing protective force of longbeards. Just as the line seemed it may buckle, Meway burst forth like the fizz from a newly-shaken can of Bloodweiser and dashed into the end zone. The dwarves had made their statement; could the elves respond?
Respond they did, in more ways than one. Vengeance was the first item on the Wardoves' menu, and Mlalyn Firefawn was the line cook of punishment as he violently fouled the down-and-out Gil T. Azell. The refs caught it, though, (for the record, the first time they've had the stones to do so all season), and Firefawn was sent off to the resounding boos of the already-wasted dwarven crowds. Azell was in horrible shape, but the dwarves' doc made no mistake and saw the bruising slayer back to the dugout for the next drive. Meanwhile, the elves were free to change the game to their own liking in the absence of the Go'nads' superlative troublemaker, and Bendark Mossfang made a smooth pass to the crowd-pleasing Tsih Killwillow, and before you could say "photo op" the game was tied. Killwillow reportedly celebrated by blowing a kiss to each and every one of the Wardoves' cheerleaders, who were subsequently carted to the infirmary for minor bruises sustained while falling to the grass in a stupor, as well as several counts of broken hearts. The half ended with a deadlock, both teams having each scored a touchdown.
Fired up by the momentum gained by their last drive, the Wardoves struck fast as the second half opened. Keeping the dwarves guessing while Mossfang surveyed the field coolly, the elves set up a scenario of multiple potential targets. At last the time came to strike, and the high, spiraling pass from Mossfang found Sutlan Spearflower wide open and the second point for the elves went essentially uncontested. Now all they had to do was keep the slower dwarf squad from making the game theirs again.
The Wardoves were about to find out just how hard it can be to tell a dwarf "no" and to make it stick. The bodies flew and crashed as the Smash and Go'nads paved a way for their plucky runners, but at every turn they were met with nimble elf resistance. The Wardoves danced quickly through what would be impassible coverage to most other teams. When the elves were finally upon him, Adam Meway connected with Dick Gozinia on a desperation pass, and one runner picked up the march downfield where the other left off. The dwarves were starting to win the battle to stay vertical, no doubt in part to their lower centers of gravity. Still, the Wardoves found the energy to surge at Gozinia before his goal was met. knocked off his feet, the ball scattering away, hope seemed lost until line dwarf Achilles Punks somehow managed to rein in the wild ball. Gone were the elves' hopes of an easy end to the match, but with them as well went the dwarves' ability to rely on the speed of their less-bearded specialists. With the resolve of an avalanche and much the same sound, Achilles Punks rumbled forward with the help of his teammates. The dwarves brushed aside the remaining elves as they swarmed, and panting, out of breath, heaving and farting like a true dwarven champion, Punks crossed the goal line to the uproarious support of the dwarven faithful. His celebration proved the least flamboyant of the afternoon, and he was left to nap on the pitch as the crowd dispersed. The final score: a 2-2 tie.
The most honoured players of this match were Stu Padasso of the Smash and Go'nads for his excellent line support in the dwarves' hour of need, and to Venspar Pondrazor of the Wardoves for his timely blocking. Several other accolades were given to elf catcher Sutlan Spearflower who deked and dodged his way to a touchdown, and to dwarves Achilles Punks, who supported his mates even as they paved his unlikely way to glory, and Adam Meway, who mimicked the quick reactions of his cohort Dick Gozinia and got the ball away under pressure on several occasions.
We're saving the biggest thrills for last, folks! Next week, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters seek the end to their perfect season, with the Fly-by Knights looking to upset the wagon. As well, the Meathooks take one last stab at glory when they square off against the Blueriver Wardoves in another intense duel of form vs. function. See you then!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Dirt Bursters, Knights Release Players
Three players have been let go by their respective squads this afternoon - two by the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and one by the Fly-by Knights.
Dirt Bursters management has ordered that skeleton Feeble McWeakerton and zombie Boz Squats be re-buried to make a dent in the recurring expenses incurred by the star players on the team. The two players have had a total of zero MVP awards, touchdowns, interceptions, casualties, completions, fans, friends, loved ones or anything else since they joined the team back in the Autumn season. Whether or not they are recalled in the event of additional player death remains unknown, but reports say that the firing came as a result of their failure to protect Blacky Gobbler from being smeared all over the pitch in their last match, as well as a looming threat to other low-production players to shape up or be shipped out in a series of buckets.
The Fly-by Knights also announced the release of lineman Reginald Reginald III, though with much less animosity and no orders of interment. The Knights' management and R.R.III mutually agreed that after his serious injury against the Wardoves, he would no longer be able to serve his liege in an on-field capacity. He has accepted a generous management position with the team and will be recognized as their defensive coordinator from this point on.
That's all from the newswire here at the MMBBL.
Dirt Bursters management has ordered that skeleton Feeble McWeakerton and zombie Boz Squats be re-buried to make a dent in the recurring expenses incurred by the star players on the team. The two players have had a total of zero MVP awards, touchdowns, interceptions, casualties, completions, fans, friends, loved ones or anything else since they joined the team back in the Autumn season. Whether or not they are recalled in the event of additional player death remains unknown, but reports say that the firing came as a result of their failure to protect Blacky Gobbler from being smeared all over the pitch in their last match, as well as a looming threat to other low-production players to shape up or be shipped out in a series of buckets.
The Fly-by Knights also announced the release of lineman Reginald Reginald III, though with much less animosity and no orders of interment. The Knights' management and R.R.III mutually agreed that after his serious injury against the Wardoves, he would no longer be able to serve his liege in an on-field capacity. He has accepted a generous management position with the team and will be recognized as their defensive coordinator from this point on.
That's all from the newswire here at the MMBBL.
Honour, Drive, and a World of Hurt
Tuesday night has come and gone, and with it came carnage, and with it went glory. Two orc squads, each coming off heartbreaking losses the previous week, faced off more in the interest of honour than victory. The hordes of undead competed with a host of elves, in what was truly a matter of life and death. What happened may shock you. It may offend you. However, it will most definitely thrill you.
The proud players of the Brutakai Ragefangs took the pitch against the Meathooks in game one, the former seeing in their opponents a vision of their glorious future, the latter a reflection of their own humble beginnings. The bulk of the attending fans were in support of the Meathooks, and the significance of this would be known right from the start. Electing to receive first, the Ragefangs prepared their offense, only to have their plans dashed as the crowd stormed down from the bleachers to throttle the teams. In a display of fanaticism the likes of which has never been seen, the Meathooks fans did the bulk of the pummeling and left more than half a dozen Ragefangs dazed in the dirt. Krak Toothsnapper attempted to salvage the drive with a pass, but fumbled the ball and could only watch as Beef Bigaxe of the Meathooks scooped it up and strode downfield for the score.
A terrible kick from the Meathooks on the next drive put the ball in Toothsnapper's hands, and he was quick to lob it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Meanwhile, the incomparable Morg N'Thorg, who had been brought back on to assist the Ragefangs, was making Meathooks troll Gristly Slötturhaus miserable on the line, eventually knocking the big guy out for the rest of the half. With the Meathooks line in disarray, Bloodrage ran the ball down quickly for the touchdown. The score at the half was knotted at one.
In the second half, the Meathooks made their move for a quick score in their now trademarked electrifying way. After failing their first attempt at the goblin toss, which ended as Hammish the goblin was toppled by the charging, dodging Raziek Bloodrage, the ball was recovered by Lockjaw, who has shown an unusual knack for the quick pass as a lineman. As Hammish recovered, Lockjaw shoveled the pass to him, and before he knew what was happening, Gristly had him in his hands and hurled him downfield. Hammish hit the ground running and dove over the line to record the Meathooks' second touchdown.
The fury of battle upon them, the Ragefangs were quick once again in their response. After yet another terrible kick from the Meathooks, the ball landed within the grasp of Xarnak Bloodrage who, not to be outdone by his brother, made short work of the Meathooks defense and carried in the tying point. The fans were roaring - some with the thrill of such a high-skill game between two brutish orc squads, some with disappointment at the lack of any serious injuries sustained by either squad.
With plenty of time left on the clock, the Meathooks were confident that they could attain the next and decisive touchdown to carry them to victory. Their plans were snagged repeatedly, however, as the Brutakai Ragefangs' defense was both disciplined and effective. It didn't help that Beef Bigaxe was essentially alone in his charge downfield and seemed to have dunked his hands in butter before the drive began. Eventually, though, he overcame his clumsiness and with mere seconds to go, pounced on the ball where it lay in the end zone for the winning point. Any disappointment felt by the crowd was washed away by this incredible display, and both orc teams came away from the match with a sense of renewed will and great honour.
The match MVP awards were presented to Rip Steakface of the Meathooks for his key blocking throughout the day, and to Kragor Clawfang for the Ragefangs for his third such award in only four short weeks. It is assumed that the award may have gone to more deserving parties had Kragor not been particularly persuasive when speaking with the sponsors. Additional recognition was given to Hammish the goblin for his excellent ball handling, and to Pickles the thrower who showed remarkable arm strength at the quarterback position.
Our second game of the night had great ramifications - If the Dirt Bursters were victorious, they would effectively solidify their victory in the Chaos Cup tournament, with no other teams being able to match their total points. Their opponents, the Blueriver Wardoves, knew there was a lot at stake here, for the league as a whole. Would the undead reign supreme once more, or would the elves be a roadblock on their route to dominance?
With the illustrious Prince Moranian once again in the lineup, the Wardoves took the pitch for the first drive. The undead shambled out to meet them, and the whistle blew. Violence was the name of the game early on, as the towering Khermit smashed an unknown journeyman elf clear off his feet and out of the game, not to return. Refusing to be intimidated, however, the Wardoves set about the elimination of their opponent's threats - starting with the ghoul Blacky Gobbler. Albiir Featherdeath, quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with, caught Gobbler in something resembling a piledriver crossed with a cobra clutch, and when the dust settled, the ghoul was no more.
Out of the chaos, who should appear, but Ol' Teabagger on a mad dash towards the end zone. Unfortunately for him, the elves are faster than most of his previous opponents, and Featherdeath teamed up with Stryth Leafmauler to catch the wily ghoul before he could score the point. To their chagrin, however, they discovered that where there's one ghoul, others soon follow. Ned Gummers loped down the pitch, scooped up the lost ball and didn't look back as he strode into the end zone.
The very next possession, Ol' Teabagger really turned up the power and showed the elves just what running is all about. Hurtling down the field at a breakneck pace, did the O.T.B. see the man in the pointy hat and glitzy bathrobe stand up in the crowd and wiggle his fingers? He very well may have, because as soon as the clear blue sky was streaked with lightning coming down onto him, Ol' Teabagger somehow sidestepped the forces of nature and continued on his way. We have reports saying that the suspect wizard promptly stripped himself of his sorcerous attire and left to herd goats on a mountainside somewhere. The elves were in pursuit of Teabagger by now, but one of them was caught by the shoulder by the fearsome Magut. The mummy left Tanthil Twigbreaker ironically broken himself, and the two elves who did catch up to Ol' Teabagger would prove insufficient, as the ghoul leaped over one defender, dodged around the next, and dove across the goal line to the excited groans of thousands of undead fans.
The O.T.B. nearly scored again on an offensive miscue after the very next whistle, but Prince Moranian saw the play coming a mile away, and the half ended with the elf putting the ghoul on his backside, and the score a commanding 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters.
The second half began with a determined Wardoves team setting out to execute their own game, not simply tag along with however the undead wanted to play. Their conviction was evident early on as Bendark Mossfang's pass found Bendrym Cloudrender, who then handed the ball off to catcher Sutlan Spearflower, who burned a trail down the field and brought the game to within one point for the boys from Blueriver.
Unwilling to let the elves control the pace, the Dirt Bursters set about more brutal tactics in defense of their lead. Their first target was the high-profile Prince Moranian, and Chunk Norton ripped into him like he was full of candy. The Wardoves medical crew were quick to restore the talented Moranian, however. Resolved to get their point across, the other half of the zombie duo, Stumps O'Boggy, badly beat on Stryth Leafmauler, sending him to the bench for the remainder of the match. With the way cleared by his shambling cohorts, Ol' Teabagger made no mistake and hurtled back to the end zone for another Teabagger touchdown. He celebrated by eating a member of the grounds keeping crew.
Desperate to challenge this undead force, the Wardoves made their bid for a quick follow-up score of their own. All seemed lost when Chunk Norton came crashing through the line towards the ball, but his footing was misplaced (possibly his feet as well) and he fell to the ground mere inches from his goal. Sensing the opportunity, Bendark Mossfang threw projectile perfection into the hands of a mercenary catcher and just like that, the Wardoves were back within a point.
To the resounding booing of every elf fan on hand, the Dirt Bursters responded with measured, cautious, time-devouring play. Forming an impassable barrier around the ball, the undead gained possession and never let go. Time ran out, and the final score was 3-2 for the Dirt Bursters. With the victory, their upcoming final match against the Fly-by Knights becomes moot, as no other team in the league can approach their point total. With this win, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters have secured the Chaos Cup and their third consecutive MMBBL victory. The remaining games will be played for honour, for pride, or for having little better to do in the time leading up to the Blood Bowl this Summer.
The match MVP for the Wardoves was Albiir Featherdeath, no doubt for his brutal dispatching of Blacky Gobbler, but also for the delicate, almost surreal maneuvering that took him there. The honour for the Dirt Bursters went to former thrall Tinny, who has seen much more success in death than he could have ever hoped for in life. Stumps O'Boggy continued his sudden burst of homicidal play and has shown the ability to put pressure on the faster, more agile opponents that he lines up against.
Four games remain on the schedule for the Chaos Cup season, and though the champion is effectively crowned already, there's still plenty more action left to see! Next on the plate is the aforementioned showdown between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who may rest some of their stars in the wake of their assured victory, and the Fly-by Knights, who remain committed to their personal goals in the absence of a shot at the title.
The proud players of the Brutakai Ragefangs took the pitch against the Meathooks in game one, the former seeing in their opponents a vision of their glorious future, the latter a reflection of their own humble beginnings. The bulk of the attending fans were in support of the Meathooks, and the significance of this would be known right from the start. Electing to receive first, the Ragefangs prepared their offense, only to have their plans dashed as the crowd stormed down from the bleachers to throttle the teams. In a display of fanaticism the likes of which has never been seen, the Meathooks fans did the bulk of the pummeling and left more than half a dozen Ragefangs dazed in the dirt. Krak Toothsnapper attempted to salvage the drive with a pass, but fumbled the ball and could only watch as Beef Bigaxe of the Meathooks scooped it up and strode downfield for the score.
A terrible kick from the Meathooks on the next drive put the ball in Toothsnapper's hands, and he was quick to lob it to blitzer Raziek Bloodrage. Meanwhile, the incomparable Morg N'Thorg, who had been brought back on to assist the Ragefangs, was making Meathooks troll Gristly Slötturhaus miserable on the line, eventually knocking the big guy out for the rest of the half. With the Meathooks line in disarray, Bloodrage ran the ball down quickly for the touchdown. The score at the half was knotted at one.
In the second half, the Meathooks made their move for a quick score in their now trademarked electrifying way. After failing their first attempt at the goblin toss, which ended as Hammish the goblin was toppled by the charging, dodging Raziek Bloodrage, the ball was recovered by Lockjaw, who has shown an unusual knack for the quick pass as a lineman. As Hammish recovered, Lockjaw shoveled the pass to him, and before he knew what was happening, Gristly had him in his hands and hurled him downfield. Hammish hit the ground running and dove over the line to record the Meathooks' second touchdown.
The fury of battle upon them, the Ragefangs were quick once again in their response. After yet another terrible kick from the Meathooks, the ball landed within the grasp of Xarnak Bloodrage who, not to be outdone by his brother, made short work of the Meathooks defense and carried in the tying point. The fans were roaring - some with the thrill of such a high-skill game between two brutish orc squads, some with disappointment at the lack of any serious injuries sustained by either squad.
With plenty of time left on the clock, the Meathooks were confident that they could attain the next and decisive touchdown to carry them to victory. Their plans were snagged repeatedly, however, as the Brutakai Ragefangs' defense was both disciplined and effective. It didn't help that Beef Bigaxe was essentially alone in his charge downfield and seemed to have dunked his hands in butter before the drive began. Eventually, though, he overcame his clumsiness and with mere seconds to go, pounced on the ball where it lay in the end zone for the winning point. Any disappointment felt by the crowd was washed away by this incredible display, and both orc teams came away from the match with a sense of renewed will and great honour.
The match MVP awards were presented to Rip Steakface of the Meathooks for his key blocking throughout the day, and to Kragor Clawfang for the Ragefangs for his third such award in only four short weeks. It is assumed that the award may have gone to more deserving parties had Kragor not been particularly persuasive when speaking with the sponsors. Additional recognition was given to Hammish the goblin for his excellent ball handling, and to Pickles the thrower who showed remarkable arm strength at the quarterback position.
Our second game of the night had great ramifications - If the Dirt Bursters were victorious, they would effectively solidify their victory in the Chaos Cup tournament, with no other teams being able to match their total points. Their opponents, the Blueriver Wardoves, knew there was a lot at stake here, for the league as a whole. Would the undead reign supreme once more, or would the elves be a roadblock on their route to dominance?
With the illustrious Prince Moranian once again in the lineup, the Wardoves took the pitch for the first drive. The undead shambled out to meet them, and the whistle blew. Violence was the name of the game early on, as the towering Khermit smashed an unknown journeyman elf clear off his feet and out of the game, not to return. Refusing to be intimidated, however, the Wardoves set about the elimination of their opponent's threats - starting with the ghoul Blacky Gobbler. Albiir Featherdeath, quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with, caught Gobbler in something resembling a piledriver crossed with a cobra clutch, and when the dust settled, the ghoul was no more.
Out of the chaos, who should appear, but Ol' Teabagger on a mad dash towards the end zone. Unfortunately for him, the elves are faster than most of his previous opponents, and Featherdeath teamed up with Stryth Leafmauler to catch the wily ghoul before he could score the point. To their chagrin, however, they discovered that where there's one ghoul, others soon follow. Ned Gummers loped down the pitch, scooped up the lost ball and didn't look back as he strode into the end zone.
The very next possession, Ol' Teabagger really turned up the power and showed the elves just what running is all about. Hurtling down the field at a breakneck pace, did the O.T.B. see the man in the pointy hat and glitzy bathrobe stand up in the crowd and wiggle his fingers? He very well may have, because as soon as the clear blue sky was streaked with lightning coming down onto him, Ol' Teabagger somehow sidestepped the forces of nature and continued on his way. We have reports saying that the suspect wizard promptly stripped himself of his sorcerous attire and left to herd goats on a mountainside somewhere. The elves were in pursuit of Teabagger by now, but one of them was caught by the shoulder by the fearsome Magut. The mummy left Tanthil Twigbreaker ironically broken himself, and the two elves who did catch up to Ol' Teabagger would prove insufficient, as the ghoul leaped over one defender, dodged around the next, and dove across the goal line to the excited groans of thousands of undead fans.
The O.T.B. nearly scored again on an offensive miscue after the very next whistle, but Prince Moranian saw the play coming a mile away, and the half ended with the elf putting the ghoul on his backside, and the score a commanding 2-0 for the Dirt Bursters.
The second half began with a determined Wardoves team setting out to execute their own game, not simply tag along with however the undead wanted to play. Their conviction was evident early on as Bendark Mossfang's pass found Bendrym Cloudrender, who then handed the ball off to catcher Sutlan Spearflower, who burned a trail down the field and brought the game to within one point for the boys from Blueriver.
Unwilling to let the elves control the pace, the Dirt Bursters set about more brutal tactics in defense of their lead. Their first target was the high-profile Prince Moranian, and Chunk Norton ripped into him like he was full of candy. The Wardoves medical crew were quick to restore the talented Moranian, however. Resolved to get their point across, the other half of the zombie duo, Stumps O'Boggy, badly beat on Stryth Leafmauler, sending him to the bench for the remainder of the match. With the way cleared by his shambling cohorts, Ol' Teabagger made no mistake and hurtled back to the end zone for another Teabagger touchdown. He celebrated by eating a member of the grounds keeping crew.
Desperate to challenge this undead force, the Wardoves made their bid for a quick follow-up score of their own. All seemed lost when Chunk Norton came crashing through the line towards the ball, but his footing was misplaced (possibly his feet as well) and he fell to the ground mere inches from his goal. Sensing the opportunity, Bendark Mossfang threw projectile perfection into the hands of a mercenary catcher and just like that, the Wardoves were back within a point.
To the resounding booing of every elf fan on hand, the Dirt Bursters responded with measured, cautious, time-devouring play. Forming an impassable barrier around the ball, the undead gained possession and never let go. Time ran out, and the final score was 3-2 for the Dirt Bursters. With the victory, their upcoming final match against the Fly-by Knights becomes moot, as no other team in the league can approach their point total. With this win, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters have secured the Chaos Cup and their third consecutive MMBBL victory. The remaining games will be played for honour, for pride, or for having little better to do in the time leading up to the Blood Bowl this Summer.
The match MVP for the Wardoves was Albiir Featherdeath, no doubt for his brutal dispatching of Blacky Gobbler, but also for the delicate, almost surreal maneuvering that took him there. The honour for the Dirt Bursters went to former thrall Tinny, who has seen much more success in death than he could have ever hoped for in life. Stumps O'Boggy continued his sudden burst of homicidal play and has shown the ability to put pressure on the faster, more agile opponents that he lines up against.
Four games remain on the schedule for the Chaos Cup season, and though the champion is effectively crowned already, there's still plenty more action left to see! Next on the plate is the aforementioned showdown between the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters, who may rest some of their stars in the wake of their assured victory, and the Fly-by Knights, who remain committed to their personal goals in the absence of a shot at the title.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Fly-by Knights' Youngsters Carry the Day
After a confusing weekend of action, we're finally here to report on what happened in the latest MMBBL showdown! The match between the Fly-by Knights and the Smash and Go'nads was scheduled to take place on Sunday, but due to torrential rain it was rescheduled for the preceding Friday. Thanks to the miracle of sorcerous weather forecasting, disaster was averted before it arrived and the game went on as planned.
It was a lovely day, with an even mix of human and dwarf fans packed into the stadium. The Smash and Go'nads had been training hard for this matchup, knowing full well that while they certainly out-toughed the Knights, they were lacking proportionally in the area of pure skill. This skill was absent during the first kickoff, however, as the opening boot sailed out of bounds. Dwarf runner Dick Gozinia was awarded the ball for the opening drive and the game was underway with a pas to fellow runner Adam Meway. As Meway charged down the sideline, he was unceremoniously dumped past the guardrail by blitzer Victor Dashing of the Knights, and carried to safety by the dwarven fans.
Not willing to sit by and let the human squad out-muscle his team, troll slayer Gil T Azell set about some immediate retribution, smashing into lineman Max Limit of the Knights and sending him sprawling on the pitch. He hobbled off under his own power but did not return. The seesaw battle of physical dominance continued as human lineman Tad Overdrest sent Dick Gozinia on the same journey as Adam Meway - he too was knocked into the bleachers and was carried back to the dugout in much the same manner as his teammate was earlier. Seeing his teammates systematically removed from play sent the aforementioned Azell into an even greater frenzy, and he throttled Fly-by Knights running back Jacques Strappe to within an inch of his life. After some on-site surgery and a great deal of tears from the eligible young ladies in the skyboxes, Strappe emerged from the huddle of medics, seemingly right as rain.
Though their strongman had been sent off to recover from this injury, the Knights had succeeded in tilting the numbers game in their favour. Even as the normally-steady Barglesnart Livingstone tripped up and landed awkwardly, he had already bought enough time for the clutch play of Karl Von Uberstamp to ensure a score for the Knights. Uberstamp recovered the loose ball and spotted young Chet Jackweed, who trotted leisurely into the end zone and celebrated the score with a series of flexes and poses for the public to gawk at.
The second half saw more intense play from both the veteran linemen and their youthful new teammates. Uberstamp roared out of the dugout with a vengeance, seriously crippling dwarf blocker Eric Shun. The stalwart dwarf was unable to leave the pitch under his own power, and team medics soon reported that he had suffered a critical fracture in his leg, hampering his movement for the foreseeable future. Immediately afterwards, Fly-by Knights iron man and crowd favourite Abraham Sandwich gave dwarf blitzer Moe Lester a serious scare, positively crushing him, and it took every ounce of talent from the dwarf medical crew to ensure his survival of the ordeal. Down but not out, Lester was taken back to the dugout to recuperate.
As if this wasn't enough for the Go'nads to deal with, Victor Dashing soon made his own mark on the match as he clashed with blocker Ray Pugh and broke the latter's neck. Carted off on a stretcher but still lucid, Pugh mumbled that he was "sore as hell, but not worried about his future with the team." Dwarves, ladies and gentlemen, are just about the toughest Blood Bowl players out there, and Ray Pugh is no exception.
Their line depleted once again, the Smash and Go'nads could only watch as Karl Von Uberstamp once again showed his all-around quality, finding newly-signed catcher Brad Attitûd. A final chance to stop the speedy catcher remained, but was extinguished when Achilles Punks was shoved out of bounds by Wamsley Wedgeworth, and Attitûd had a clear run for the end zone, where he celebrated with his teammates and leaped into the crowd to share his joy. The game was sealed for the Knights, and in the final seconds the only other play of note was when a disgruntled fan lobbed a brick and sent Herb Eaverstinks of the Go'nads for a little nap in the mud.
MVP honours for the match were awarded to Abraham Sandwich of the Fly-by Knights, who tackled everyone who got in his way and a few who were simply in the general area, and to Drew peacock of the Smash and Go'nads. Also of note for the Go'nads was the play of Dick Gozinia, whose keen perception and peripheral vision allowed him make a clean pass despite a threatened position.
Stay tuned, sports fiends! The action's just beginning as tonight, we see two matches of serious interest. The indomitable Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters will square off against the talented and upstart Blueriver Wardoves in a battle of gore versus grace, while our two orc squads collide in a match the likes of which hasn't been seen since before the departure of the Greenskin Bumlookers! The Meathooks and the Ragefangs will almost certainly leave it all out on the field tonight. See you then!
It was a lovely day, with an even mix of human and dwarf fans packed into the stadium. The Smash and Go'nads had been training hard for this matchup, knowing full well that while they certainly out-toughed the Knights, they were lacking proportionally in the area of pure skill. This skill was absent during the first kickoff, however, as the opening boot sailed out of bounds. Dwarf runner Dick Gozinia was awarded the ball for the opening drive and the game was underway with a pas to fellow runner Adam Meway. As Meway charged down the sideline, he was unceremoniously dumped past the guardrail by blitzer Victor Dashing of the Knights, and carried to safety by the dwarven fans.
Not willing to sit by and let the human squad out-muscle his team, troll slayer Gil T Azell set about some immediate retribution, smashing into lineman Max Limit of the Knights and sending him sprawling on the pitch. He hobbled off under his own power but did not return. The seesaw battle of physical dominance continued as human lineman Tad Overdrest sent Dick Gozinia on the same journey as Adam Meway - he too was knocked into the bleachers and was carried back to the dugout in much the same manner as his teammate was earlier. Seeing his teammates systematically removed from play sent the aforementioned Azell into an even greater frenzy, and he throttled Fly-by Knights running back Jacques Strappe to within an inch of his life. After some on-site surgery and a great deal of tears from the eligible young ladies in the skyboxes, Strappe emerged from the huddle of medics, seemingly right as rain.
Though their strongman had been sent off to recover from this injury, the Knights had succeeded in tilting the numbers game in their favour. Even as the normally-steady Barglesnart Livingstone tripped up and landed awkwardly, he had already bought enough time for the clutch play of Karl Von Uberstamp to ensure a score for the Knights. Uberstamp recovered the loose ball and spotted young Chet Jackweed, who trotted leisurely into the end zone and celebrated the score with a series of flexes and poses for the public to gawk at.
The second half saw more intense play from both the veteran linemen and their youthful new teammates. Uberstamp roared out of the dugout with a vengeance, seriously crippling dwarf blocker Eric Shun. The stalwart dwarf was unable to leave the pitch under his own power, and team medics soon reported that he had suffered a critical fracture in his leg, hampering his movement for the foreseeable future. Immediately afterwards, Fly-by Knights iron man and crowd favourite Abraham Sandwich gave dwarf blitzer Moe Lester a serious scare, positively crushing him, and it took every ounce of talent from the dwarf medical crew to ensure his survival of the ordeal. Down but not out, Lester was taken back to the dugout to recuperate.
As if this wasn't enough for the Go'nads to deal with, Victor Dashing soon made his own mark on the match as he clashed with blocker Ray Pugh and broke the latter's neck. Carted off on a stretcher but still lucid, Pugh mumbled that he was "sore as hell, but not worried about his future with the team." Dwarves, ladies and gentlemen, are just about the toughest Blood Bowl players out there, and Ray Pugh is no exception.
Their line depleted once again, the Smash and Go'nads could only watch as Karl Von Uberstamp once again showed his all-around quality, finding newly-signed catcher Brad Attitûd. A final chance to stop the speedy catcher remained, but was extinguished when Achilles Punks was shoved out of bounds by Wamsley Wedgeworth, and Attitûd had a clear run for the end zone, where he celebrated with his teammates and leaped into the crowd to share his joy. The game was sealed for the Knights, and in the final seconds the only other play of note was when a disgruntled fan lobbed a brick and sent Herb Eaverstinks of the Go'nads for a little nap in the mud.
MVP honours for the match were awarded to Abraham Sandwich of the Fly-by Knights, who tackled everyone who got in his way and a few who were simply in the general area, and to Drew peacock of the Smash and Go'nads. Also of note for the Go'nads was the play of Dick Gozinia, whose keen perception and peripheral vision allowed him make a clean pass despite a threatened position.
Stay tuned, sports fiends! The action's just beginning as tonight, we see two matches of serious interest. The indomitable Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters will square off against the talented and upstart Blueriver Wardoves in a battle of gore versus grace, while our two orc squads collide in a match the likes of which hasn't been seen since before the departure of the Greenskin Bumlookers! The Meathooks and the Ragefangs will almost certainly leave it all out on the field tonight. See you then!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
A Dire Day for Orckind
Greetings sports fiends, and welcome to another MMBBL update! Two games on the pitch last night, and we'll warn you in advance - If you're a fan of all things big, green and mean, this may be a hard report to stomach.
Game one on the card was a battle of two new teams vying to make their way in this cutthroat league. The Smash and Go'nads and the Brutakai Ragefangs met with each other and with destiny. A sunny day, decent attendance slightly favouring the Ragefangs...and the promise of mayhem.
On the opening drive, the Smash and Go'nads went right to work and would not be denied. While the runners made their moves for the ball, troll slayer Gil T. Azell went straight for the opponent's balls and throttled Holo Axegut, the Ragefang thrower. Axegut was sidelined, howling with rage, and will be missing the next match after sustaining what will likely develop into a chronic condition. With the orc line down a man, dwarf blitzer Stu Padasso found runner Dick Gozinia with a low pass, and the plucky Gozinia plowed his way downfield to the endzone. It took them most of the half to accomplish it, but the Smash and Go'nads had their first touchdown of their young careers.
In the second half, the Ragefangs needed a response. They got it, but it proved a costly half for them. En route to a tying score, the orcs were battered and bruised from the waist down as the dwarves did their best to hold the line. Line dwarf Herb Eaverstinks brought down Vradak Facechewer with a bone-grinding tackle, relieving him of his footing, lunch, and ability to continue playing. Still, the orc offense pressed on. Seeing a need for more drastic defensive measures, Stu Padasso ran down Prok Fleshdrinker with a sickening crunch. Good sportsmanship being what it is, he took the orc lineman's hand to help him up after the play, but came up with not much past the elbow. The stretcher team arrived, though Fleshdrinker was eventually removed in a series of buckets. Still, the Ragefangs would not be denied! Out of the chaos strode blitzer Raziek Bloodrage, smashing the ball into the turf as he crossed the goal line, roaring to the sky at the top of his lungs.
With little time left, the teams faced off again, and it can only be assumed that the fans were unhappy with the idea of a tie game. From out of the stands an extra-large popcorn bucket, suspiciously filled with what appeared to be quick-dry cement, caught Kodish Manhammer of the Ragefangs square in the back of the head and put him into the dirt for a short nap. With little else to do but execute rudimentary passing plays, the game ended in a 1-1 draw.
The matches MVP awards were given to Gil T. Azell for his particularly brutal play, and to Raziek Bloodrage for the exceptional catch and subsequent touchdown run. After the match, much to everyone's surprise (including his own) Prok Fleshdrinker emerged from the Ragefangs' infirmary, not in buckets but under his own power. Medically dead for more than an hour, the team doctor thoroughly stumped as to how to proceed, someone apparently stumbled upon a combination of tenth grade metal shop and bizarre necrosurgery. The result rejoined his teammates, now larger, tougher, and as far as we know, still essentially the orc he was before being reduced to a chaos team's take-out dinner. It seems that even in the world of Blood Bowl, death can give way to some sort of renewal.
On now to the second game of the night, where the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Meathooks would rekindle the carnage they wrought back in the Dungeonbowl championship. The weather was favourable, the stands were full with fans of both squads, but for the Meathooks, the sausage would prove to be packed with dismay.
The Dirt Bursters won the opening coin toss, and set to work to open the scoring. Not all of the undead players are built for the scoring game, though, and the terrifying Magut made no mistake of adding to his league-leading casualty count as he showed the herculean T-Boner the way to the hospital, putting the large orc out of commission for the immediate future. The worst was yet to come for the Meathooks, however, and one of their rising stars would pay the price.
Stumps O'Boggy, a hard-working yet seldom-acknowledged blue collar zombie, could not have known when he shook off the grave dust this morning that one of the most defining games of his career lay before him. Whether driven by personal desire, inspired by teammate Magut's brutal trailblazing, or simply a bit hungry, O'Boggy positively obliterated orc blitzer Stabbo, killing the skilled player outright. The blow to the Meathooks would prove costly, and the undead may have sensed that the game was theirs already. A great moan rose up from the undead fans as the league's most electrifying ambassador of awesome leaped through the fray and scrambled in for the touchdown. It seems, folks, that if you can't stop the O.T.B., then you can't stop the Dirt Bursters.
While the next drive was being prepared, the rumblings from the fans became progressively louder, with fights beginning to break out among the bleachers. Eventually it boiled over, and the legions of Meathooks faithful charged down to exact revenge upon the hated Dirt Bursters, even as the undead horde crashed through the barricades to slaughter the reviled orcish squad. Their charge dissipated, however, when they realized just how big their targets were. After only a couple of players were knocked down by momentum alone, the fans were quickly scared off by the mountains of orc flesh and monoliths of rot and bone, and the game resumed after cleaning the field of assorted body parts.
The rest of the first half was an awkward time for the Meathooks, and they seemed lost with their big linemate crippled and their most skilled blitzer dead. Several passes were attempted by both sides, but in every case, the receiver was hounded and the ball stripped from him. Several miscues by Meathooks thrower Pickles resulted in poor positioning, and the aforementioned Stumps O'Boggy sent orc blocker Grunt Skunchman packing, in the same boat as his teammate T-Boner. Before the halftime whistle blew, though, the Dirt Bursters would take advantage of the faltering Meathooks line and Ned Gummers rolled in for a second score.
The air of depression that rose from the orcish fans was tangible as the second half started, and it didn't help that the temperature had risen noticeably. The Meathooks would make a game of it in the end, though, and in one hell of an exciting fashion. A favourable kick and excellent blocking at the start of their drive saw another attempt at what had eluded the Meathooks for so long - a successful goblin throw. The foolhardy Hammish got the handoff and soon thereafter, Gristly the troll sent him soaring through the evening sky. The crowd gasped with anticipation - would he land on his feet? on his head? And then down he came, hitting the ground running as fast as those scrawny legs could go, right into the end zone. The uproar from the crowd was deafening, and for one shining moment, Hammish the goblin was the tallest player on the pitch.
Little time remained, and if the Meathooks were to salvage a tie, they'd have to make gold out of the leaden spirits of their squad. A gap was almost exposed, and Bacon Sandwich strove to emulate his fellow goblin's success, but he was dumped into the stands and prevented from finishing the game. Pouncing on the loose ball, Ned Gummers was off like a rocket, shambling into the end zone and ending the Meathooks' hopes. The final score, 3-1 for the undead.
As the game concluded, to the horror of the Meathooks and their fans, Stabbo got up. Wordlessly he staggered across the field and joined the Dirt Bursters as a zombie. Not all players' stories end in glory...some fade into anonymity as their bright stars fall and are extinguished. Standing alongside the very zombie who killed him, Stabbo was a Meathook no longer.
MVPs of the match were awarded to Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks, despite his injury, and to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, who showed remarkable awareness on the line in the defense of his teammates. For the first time, the undead roster is full, and for the first time since their creation, the Meathooks must search out another blitzer to fill the gap that Stabbo left in passing. We at MMBBL salute those lost tonight, even though they're actually still playing anyway. Goodnight, and we'll see you next time, as the Fly-by Knights and the Smash and Go'nads are slated to square off on Sunday!
Game one on the card was a battle of two new teams vying to make their way in this cutthroat league. The Smash and Go'nads and the Brutakai Ragefangs met with each other and with destiny. A sunny day, decent attendance slightly favouring the Ragefangs...and the promise of mayhem.
On the opening drive, the Smash and Go'nads went right to work and would not be denied. While the runners made their moves for the ball, troll slayer Gil T. Azell went straight for the opponent's balls and throttled Holo Axegut, the Ragefang thrower. Axegut was sidelined, howling with rage, and will be missing the next match after sustaining what will likely develop into a chronic condition. With the orc line down a man, dwarf blitzer Stu Padasso found runner Dick Gozinia with a low pass, and the plucky Gozinia plowed his way downfield to the endzone. It took them most of the half to accomplish it, but the Smash and Go'nads had their first touchdown of their young careers.
In the second half, the Ragefangs needed a response. They got it, but it proved a costly half for them. En route to a tying score, the orcs were battered and bruised from the waist down as the dwarves did their best to hold the line. Line dwarf Herb Eaverstinks brought down Vradak Facechewer with a bone-grinding tackle, relieving him of his footing, lunch, and ability to continue playing. Still, the orc offense pressed on. Seeing a need for more drastic defensive measures, Stu Padasso ran down Prok Fleshdrinker with a sickening crunch. Good sportsmanship being what it is, he took the orc lineman's hand to help him up after the play, but came up with not much past the elbow. The stretcher team arrived, though Fleshdrinker was eventually removed in a series of buckets. Still, the Ragefangs would not be denied! Out of the chaos strode blitzer Raziek Bloodrage, smashing the ball into the turf as he crossed the goal line, roaring to the sky at the top of his lungs.
With little time left, the teams faced off again, and it can only be assumed that the fans were unhappy with the idea of a tie game. From out of the stands an extra-large popcorn bucket, suspiciously filled with what appeared to be quick-dry cement, caught Kodish Manhammer of the Ragefangs square in the back of the head and put him into the dirt for a short nap. With little else to do but execute rudimentary passing plays, the game ended in a 1-1 draw.
The matches MVP awards were given to Gil T. Azell for his particularly brutal play, and to Raziek Bloodrage for the exceptional catch and subsequent touchdown run. After the match, much to everyone's surprise (including his own) Prok Fleshdrinker emerged from the Ragefangs' infirmary, not in buckets but under his own power. Medically dead for more than an hour, the team doctor thoroughly stumped as to how to proceed, someone apparently stumbled upon a combination of tenth grade metal shop and bizarre necrosurgery. The result rejoined his teammates, now larger, tougher, and as far as we know, still essentially the orc he was before being reduced to a chaos team's take-out dinner. It seems that even in the world of Blood Bowl, death can give way to some sort of renewal.
On now to the second game of the night, where the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters and the Meathooks would rekindle the carnage they wrought back in the Dungeonbowl championship. The weather was favourable, the stands were full with fans of both squads, but for the Meathooks, the sausage would prove to be packed with dismay.
The Dirt Bursters won the opening coin toss, and set to work to open the scoring. Not all of the undead players are built for the scoring game, though, and the terrifying Magut made no mistake of adding to his league-leading casualty count as he showed the herculean T-Boner the way to the hospital, putting the large orc out of commission for the immediate future. The worst was yet to come for the Meathooks, however, and one of their rising stars would pay the price.
Stumps O'Boggy, a hard-working yet seldom-acknowledged blue collar zombie, could not have known when he shook off the grave dust this morning that one of the most defining games of his career lay before him. Whether driven by personal desire, inspired by teammate Magut's brutal trailblazing, or simply a bit hungry, O'Boggy positively obliterated orc blitzer Stabbo, killing the skilled player outright. The blow to the Meathooks would prove costly, and the undead may have sensed that the game was theirs already. A great moan rose up from the undead fans as the league's most electrifying ambassador of awesome leaped through the fray and scrambled in for the touchdown. It seems, folks, that if you can't stop the O.T.B., then you can't stop the Dirt Bursters.
While the next drive was being prepared, the rumblings from the fans became progressively louder, with fights beginning to break out among the bleachers. Eventually it boiled over, and the legions of Meathooks faithful charged down to exact revenge upon the hated Dirt Bursters, even as the undead horde crashed through the barricades to slaughter the reviled orcish squad. Their charge dissipated, however, when they realized just how big their targets were. After only a couple of players were knocked down by momentum alone, the fans were quickly scared off by the mountains of orc flesh and monoliths of rot and bone, and the game resumed after cleaning the field of assorted body parts.
The rest of the first half was an awkward time for the Meathooks, and they seemed lost with their big linemate crippled and their most skilled blitzer dead. Several passes were attempted by both sides, but in every case, the receiver was hounded and the ball stripped from him. Several miscues by Meathooks thrower Pickles resulted in poor positioning, and the aforementioned Stumps O'Boggy sent orc blocker Grunt Skunchman packing, in the same boat as his teammate T-Boner. Before the halftime whistle blew, though, the Dirt Bursters would take advantage of the faltering Meathooks line and Ned Gummers rolled in for a second score.
The air of depression that rose from the orcish fans was tangible as the second half started, and it didn't help that the temperature had risen noticeably. The Meathooks would make a game of it in the end, though, and in one hell of an exciting fashion. A favourable kick and excellent blocking at the start of their drive saw another attempt at what had eluded the Meathooks for so long - a successful goblin throw. The foolhardy Hammish got the handoff and soon thereafter, Gristly the troll sent him soaring through the evening sky. The crowd gasped with anticipation - would he land on his feet? on his head? And then down he came, hitting the ground running as fast as those scrawny legs could go, right into the end zone. The uproar from the crowd was deafening, and for one shining moment, Hammish the goblin was the tallest player on the pitch.
Little time remained, and if the Meathooks were to salvage a tie, they'd have to make gold out of the leaden spirits of their squad. A gap was almost exposed, and Bacon Sandwich strove to emulate his fellow goblin's success, but he was dumped into the stands and prevented from finishing the game. Pouncing on the loose ball, Ned Gummers was off like a rocket, shambling into the end zone and ending the Meathooks' hopes. The final score, 3-1 for the undead.
As the game concluded, to the horror of the Meathooks and their fans, Stabbo got up. Wordlessly he staggered across the field and joined the Dirt Bursters as a zombie. Not all players' stories end in glory...some fade into anonymity as their bright stars fall and are extinguished. Standing alongside the very zombie who killed him, Stabbo was a Meathook no longer.
MVPs of the match were awarded to Grunt Skunchman of the Meathooks, despite his injury, and to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, who showed remarkable awareness on the line in the defense of his teammates. For the first time, the undead roster is full, and for the first time since their creation, the Meathooks must search out another blitzer to fill the gap that Stabbo left in passing. We at MMBBL salute those lost tonight, even though they're actually still playing anyway. Goodnight, and we'll see you next time, as the Fly-by Knights and the Smash and Go'nads are slated to square off on Sunday!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Contracts Signed by Three Players
We have a few press releases for you today, just hours before tonight's matches. We'll start with the one of most significance, as it is the only one to have an impact on today's matches. And now, here's our dwarf correspondent Rock Blottem with the press release.
Euin and the Go’nads, together again for the first time
The Smash and Go’nads of the MMBBL released a statement today announcing the hiring of Troll Slayer Euin Whatarmy, in a last ditch effort to pump up their roster for their upcoming match against the up and coming Ragefangs.
“It’s a must win game for us” explains head coach Ryan Keizer of the Go’nads, “and if these miniature tanks with legs think it’s going to be a cakewalk they’ve got another thing coming.”
The Ragefangs are coming off a win/lose game against the Dirt Bursters, giving up 3 scores but scoring 3 major injuries against their opposition. Having already tied the Wardoves, this game is as important to the Ragefangs as it is the Go’nads.
“Aye, it’s a numbers game this season, and so far people don’t think we know ‘ow ta count - Hic” commented Go’nads Captain Achilles Punks. “And I’ve had enough of the hired goons, time we did things on our own!”
Achilles is the only player of the Go’nads to receive a player of the game award in their young season; Grim Ironjaw walked away with the honors after the close loss to the Meathooks last week.
Recently there has been more bad blood in the upstairs office of Go’nads management than on the field. “These two need to perform” comment management when asked about the future of runners Adam Meway and up and comer Dick Gozinia. It’s rumored head coach Ryan Keizer and the pair of runners got into a locker room brawl when the head coach took it upon himself to take his frustrations out on the runners’ pints. He did not comment when asked but his bandaged ankles are enough for us to draw our own conclusion.
Thanks, Rock. We have two smaller press releases to go through, as both the Blueriver Wardoves and the Fly-by Knights have made additions to their teams.
Second on the signing list, Valandil Dreadlily has signed an entry-level contract as a lineman for the Wardoves. Word is he'll wear the "holy" number seven this season - We at the MMBBL press office aren't sure why the number is sacred...could there be some strange elven prophecy at work? In any case, Dreadlily was noted in Spike! magazine last month as a potential call-up, and was also featured in the equal-opportunity swimsuit edition centerfold. From what we know of the Wardoves, getting his image out there for the public is paramount, and this is par for the course for any would-be star.
And finally, the Fly-by Knights have inked catcher Brad Attitûd to round out their roster. He'll sport the number fifteen for the human squad, and will likely serve to replace Flash Madison as the number two pass option, behind Stanley Steele. Madison was injured last season and never fully recovered, and has taken on the role of agitator to supplement his lessened utility. Attitûd, a little-known prospect hailing from a barony far to the north, has plenty of natural talent and speed, as well as an air of inherent superiority. His love for the game is intense, and his response to the media's questions were several heartfelt "Ja, du lam sooperstarr mit Flar-bar Kniuts!"
That's it from the press office of MMBBL. We'll see you at tonight's games and back here to catch the recaps!
Euin and the Go’nads, together again for the first time
The Smash and Go’nads of the MMBBL released a statement today announcing the hiring of Troll Slayer Euin Whatarmy, in a last ditch effort to pump up their roster for their upcoming match against the up and coming Ragefangs.
“It’s a must win game for us” explains head coach Ryan Keizer of the Go’nads, “and if these miniature tanks with legs think it’s going to be a cakewalk they’ve got another thing coming.”
The Ragefangs are coming off a win/lose game against the Dirt Bursters, giving up 3 scores but scoring 3 major injuries against their opposition. Having already tied the Wardoves, this game is as important to the Ragefangs as it is the Go’nads.
“Aye, it’s a numbers game this season, and so far people don’t think we know ‘ow ta count - Hic” commented Go’nads Captain Achilles Punks. “And I’ve had enough of the hired goons, time we did things on our own!”
Achilles is the only player of the Go’nads to receive a player of the game award in their young season; Grim Ironjaw walked away with the honors after the close loss to the Meathooks last week.
Recently there has been more bad blood in the upstairs office of Go’nads management than on the field. “These two need to perform” comment management when asked about the future of runners Adam Meway and up and comer Dick Gozinia. It’s rumored head coach Ryan Keizer and the pair of runners got into a locker room brawl when the head coach took it upon himself to take his frustrations out on the runners’ pints. He did not comment when asked but his bandaged ankles are enough for us to draw our own conclusion.
Thanks, Rock. We have two smaller press releases to go through, as both the Blueriver Wardoves and the Fly-by Knights have made additions to their teams.
Second on the signing list, Valandil Dreadlily has signed an entry-level contract as a lineman for the Wardoves. Word is he'll wear the "holy" number seven this season - We at the MMBBL press office aren't sure why the number is sacred...could there be some strange elven prophecy at work? In any case, Dreadlily was noted in Spike! magazine last month as a potential call-up, and was also featured in the equal-opportunity swimsuit edition centerfold. From what we know of the Wardoves, getting his image out there for the public is paramount, and this is par for the course for any would-be star.
And finally, the Fly-by Knights have inked catcher Brad Attitûd to round out their roster. He'll sport the number fifteen for the human squad, and will likely serve to replace Flash Madison as the number two pass option, behind Stanley Steele. Madison was injured last season and never fully recovered, and has taken on the role of agitator to supplement his lessened utility. Attitûd, a little-known prospect hailing from a barony far to the north, has plenty of natural talent and speed, as well as an air of inherent superiority. His love for the game is intense, and his response to the media's questions were several heartfelt "Ja, du lam sooperstarr mit Flar-bar Kniuts!"
That's it from the press office of MMBBL. We'll see you at tonight's games and back here to catch the recaps!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Wardoves Show Knights How to Really Fly
Hope you had a great weekend, sports fiends! We certainly did here at the MMBBL, because on Sunday (Sunday, Sunday...) the Blueriver Wardoves squared off against the Fly-by Knights in a battle of the two least bloody Blood Bowl teams on the roster. Or so it was thought.
They met on a sunny day, birds chirping, fans cheering, clouds rolling lazily on overhead. The first possession went to the Wardoves, who trained hard for this matchup and had even hired on the services of the illustrious Prince Moranian to give them a boost against the more veteran Knights squad. They also wrangled a freelance medic to prevent what surprisingly hasn't occurred yet - 0gre-related injuries.
The tables turned early on, however, as it was the elves who drew first blood on the pitch. Lineman Stryth Leafmauler crashed into the human defense and sent Wamsley Wedgeworth sprawling in a heap. He walked off under his own power, but did not return for the remainder of the game. Not willing to sit idly by and take what the elves dished out, hard-working Cyrano de Baggagerack of the Fly-by Knights sent Albiir Featherdeath for a ride that ended in the infirmary, where the walk-on elf medic quickly showed his quality. Featherdeath returned to the game on the next drive. Hostilities continued to escalate as Bendrym Cloudrender brought his rage to bear on Reginald Reginald III of the Knights, nearly killing him. The human medical staff worked hard, and though they saved his life, his career may be through due to the state his sternum was left in.
In all this chaos, the perceived threat of ogrely damage was not even a factor. Confused by the quick movement and nimble dodging of his foes, Barglesnart Livingstone became confused and did not contribute at all during the first half, aside from the occasional half-hearted shove. Taking advantage of this sizable gap in the human line, elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow sailed a pass to the energetic Stryth Leafmauler, and he practically walked into the end zone.
The Knights looked to rebound before the half was up, but failing to execute on a high-risk play proved costly, as lineman Mlalyn Firefawn recovered a lost ball and threw an absolute cannon of a pass to catcher Tsih Killwillow, whose adoring fans chanted his named just as he'd instructed them. The first half ended with the elf squad up a commanding two to nothing.
After the break, it was obvious that whatever the human coach had said to Barglesnart to get him focused was working. Singling out the lineman who exploited his lapse in defense, the ogre drove the elf into the dirt with an overhand smash that would make a tennis team collectively wet itself. Mlalyn Firefawn was removed from the pitch, his head sagging from atop his broken upper vertebrae, and sent to the infirmary to recover as best he could. What might have been a turning point for the humans became fuel for the elves' own fire as well. Albiir Featherdeath, fresh from his recovery and seething with contempt for all humanity, knocked over lineman Karl Von Uberstamp, to the great dismay of his "Karl Kares" section of the bleachers, where dozens of under-privileged kids come to watch their hero play. He was carried off, gave an encouraging thumbs-up and a "winneres useth notte suspicious substances in thee pursuit of victorye" message, assuring us that he'd be back for the next Fly-by Knights match.
As if spurred by his heartfelt message, Jacques Strappe - the poster boy for non-suspicious, hard-working means of self-improvement - ran Wardoves catcher Tsih Killwillow into the mud where his handsome countenance remained for several seconds before a stretcher crew came out to cart him away. What may have been the largest incident of collective spontaneous fainting ensued, as every elf maiden, and quite a few human ones, could not bear to watch their favourite calender man run down so. Strappe was increasingly booed for the remainder of the game as these distraught women gradually woke up, though when he removed his shirt between drives it seemed to quell the uproar. Non-suspicious self-improvement, indeed.
Energized by the elimination of one of their opponents' key players, the Knights rallied to come within a point of the elves as Lance Freely completed his third pass of the afternoon to catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele. Steele took it right to the house and performed an elaborate victory celebration in which he staged a fake joust between himself and fellow Catcher Flash Madison, which ended in a high five and a hug. Cheers echoed from their fans, but they yet had work to do to close the gap.
In a desperate attempt to even the score with time running out, the Knights were nearly within reach, with who else but Steele running down the sideline. The elves would have none of it, though, and after lineman Pynian Grassripper sent the ever pesky Flash Madison down in a heap, the Wardoves converged and stripped Steel of the ball, and the Knights of any chance at a draw. The final score was 2-1 for the Boys from Blueriver, and they paraded off the pitch, led by Prince Moranian to an afterparty at his stately mansion on the outskirts of town.
MVPs for the match were Bendark Mossfang of the Wardoves, whose throwing was right on the money until the very end, when it was actually right off the money (though it didn't matter on the scoresheet), and Barglesnart Livingstone of the Fly-by Knights, who stood by his teammates in the second half and let no ill befall them while he was within arm's reach. Also of note this game were the elf catcher Tsih Killwillow, who may have let his elaborate ducking and weaving go to his head and will need a week or so to set his balance straight once more, and Knights catcher Stanley Steele who showed elf-like agility of his own on his sprint down to the end zone.
More action to come Tuesday, sports fiends, as we see a rematch from the Dungeonbowl championship when the Meathooks and Dirt Bursters collide! Also on tap is the battle of two feisty young teams, the Brutakai Ragefangs and the Smash and Go'nads, who aim to show their quality and make their mark on MMBBL. See you then!
They met on a sunny day, birds chirping, fans cheering, clouds rolling lazily on overhead. The first possession went to the Wardoves, who trained hard for this matchup and had even hired on the services of the illustrious Prince Moranian to give them a boost against the more veteran Knights squad. They also wrangled a freelance medic to prevent what surprisingly hasn't occurred yet - 0gre-related injuries.
The tables turned early on, however, as it was the elves who drew first blood on the pitch. Lineman Stryth Leafmauler crashed into the human defense and sent Wamsley Wedgeworth sprawling in a heap. He walked off under his own power, but did not return for the remainder of the game. Not willing to sit idly by and take what the elves dished out, hard-working Cyrano de Baggagerack of the Fly-by Knights sent Albiir Featherdeath for a ride that ended in the infirmary, where the walk-on elf medic quickly showed his quality. Featherdeath returned to the game on the next drive. Hostilities continued to escalate as Bendrym Cloudrender brought his rage to bear on Reginald Reginald III of the Knights, nearly killing him. The human medical staff worked hard, and though they saved his life, his career may be through due to the state his sternum was left in.
In all this chaos, the perceived threat of ogrely damage was not even a factor. Confused by the quick movement and nimble dodging of his foes, Barglesnart Livingstone became confused and did not contribute at all during the first half, aside from the occasional half-hearted shove. Taking advantage of this sizable gap in the human line, elf blitzer Fhorin Bloodmeadow sailed a pass to the energetic Stryth Leafmauler, and he practically walked into the end zone.
The Knights looked to rebound before the half was up, but failing to execute on a high-risk play proved costly, as lineman Mlalyn Firefawn recovered a lost ball and threw an absolute cannon of a pass to catcher Tsih Killwillow, whose adoring fans chanted his named just as he'd instructed them. The first half ended with the elf squad up a commanding two to nothing.
After the break, it was obvious that whatever the human coach had said to Barglesnart to get him focused was working. Singling out the lineman who exploited his lapse in defense, the ogre drove the elf into the dirt with an overhand smash that would make a tennis team collectively wet itself. Mlalyn Firefawn was removed from the pitch, his head sagging from atop his broken upper vertebrae, and sent to the infirmary to recover as best he could. What might have been a turning point for the humans became fuel for the elves' own fire as well. Albiir Featherdeath, fresh from his recovery and seething with contempt for all humanity, knocked over lineman Karl Von Uberstamp, to the great dismay of his "Karl Kares" section of the bleachers, where dozens of under-privileged kids come to watch their hero play. He was carried off, gave an encouraging thumbs-up and a "winneres useth notte suspicious substances in thee pursuit of victorye" message, assuring us that he'd be back for the next Fly-by Knights match.
As if spurred by his heartfelt message, Jacques Strappe - the poster boy for non-suspicious, hard-working means of self-improvement - ran Wardoves catcher Tsih Killwillow into the mud where his handsome countenance remained for several seconds before a stretcher crew came out to cart him away. What may have been the largest incident of collective spontaneous fainting ensued, as every elf maiden, and quite a few human ones, could not bear to watch their favourite calender man run down so. Strappe was increasingly booed for the remainder of the game as these distraught women gradually woke up, though when he removed his shirt between drives it seemed to quell the uproar. Non-suspicious self-improvement, indeed.
Energized by the elimination of one of their opponents' key players, the Knights rallied to come within a point of the elves as Lance Freely completed his third pass of the afternoon to catcher Stanley "Stainless" Steele. Steele took it right to the house and performed an elaborate victory celebration in which he staged a fake joust between himself and fellow Catcher Flash Madison, which ended in a high five and a hug. Cheers echoed from their fans, but they yet had work to do to close the gap.
In a desperate attempt to even the score with time running out, the Knights were nearly within reach, with who else but Steele running down the sideline. The elves would have none of it, though, and after lineman Pynian Grassripper sent the ever pesky Flash Madison down in a heap, the Wardoves converged and stripped Steel of the ball, and the Knights of any chance at a draw. The final score was 2-1 for the Boys from Blueriver, and they paraded off the pitch, led by Prince Moranian to an afterparty at his stately mansion on the outskirts of town.
MVPs for the match were Bendark Mossfang of the Wardoves, whose throwing was right on the money until the very end, when it was actually right off the money (though it didn't matter on the scoresheet), and Barglesnart Livingstone of the Fly-by Knights, who stood by his teammates in the second half and let no ill befall them while he was within arm's reach. Also of note this game were the elf catcher Tsih Killwillow, who may have let his elaborate ducking and weaving go to his head and will need a week or so to set his balance straight once more, and Knights catcher Stanley Steele who showed elf-like agility of his own on his sprint down to the end zone.
More action to come Tuesday, sports fiends, as we see a rematch from the Dungeonbowl championship when the Meathooks and Dirt Bursters collide! Also on tap is the battle of two feisty young teams, the Brutakai Ragefangs and the Smash and Go'nads, who aim to show their quality and make their mark on MMBBL. See you then!
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