Knights' Receivers Excel, Go'Nads Spoil Wardoves' Victory

Sit down and listen up, sportsfiends, it's time for the latest MMBBL action update! This week saw two exciting matches, in which the teams involved played for more than victory in the Chaos Cup (which has effectively been won by the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters as of last week). Honour, Pride, and of course, lives were on the line for these two thrilling games.

In the week's first match, the underachieving (by their own standards, at least) Fly-by Knights took to the field against the fierce and committed Brutakai Ragefangs. The Ragefangs, while off to a slow start in the points and wins categories, have shown impressive resolve and a deep commitment to the gritty, unapologetic nature of Blood Bowl. For their part, the Knights have rallied around their own flags even as the series slips out of reach - both the tireless legs and enthusiasm of youth and the stalwart resolve and patience of age have served them well in recent matches. With chins and spirits high, these two collective juggernauts of willpower collide - which will come away with the W?

Receiving first, the Ragefangs executed their game plan with both a show of force typical of the orc's hefty, lumbering physique, and a show of athletic grace which flies in the face of it. Krak Toothsnapper called the play perfectly, sailed a pass to Raziek Bloodrage as though the ball were on a wire, and the talented blitzer charged downfield to put the first point on the board. A great help on the line came from the popular Ripper Bolgrot, who was brought in to tilt the scales against Barglesnart Livingstone of the Knights. Things were looking up for the Brutakai Boys, but some elements of this great game are out of the players' hands, including the often under-appreciated presence of the "twelfth man" - the fans themselves.

Despite the relative ferocity of their few but fanatical supporters, the Ragefangs were at a disadvantage to the Knights' increasing fanbase, and the consequences were immediate and dire. On the next kickoff, the stands absolutely erupted with activity, and the droves of green-and-blue-clad Knights fans rushed the pitch, laying out the majority of the Ragefangs team. The Ragefangs fans attempted to respond, but the Knights' admirers effectively shielded their heroes from harm. As the dust cleared, there was no real chance for the orcs to stop the humans' quick march downfield. Lance Freely spotted the completely wide-open Stanley Steele, and the latter caught the easy pass and practically walked into the end zone. He then celebrated by paying one lucky fan a hundred gold pieces for a bite of his hot dog. Talk about a collector's item!

The rapid scoring and breakneck pace slowed before the first half ended, as the two teams sought success with the running game, but none was to be had. As a part of their "everyone participates, everyone contributes" policy, the Knights gave lineman Solomon Squatz a chance to execute a passing play while ace thrower Freely sat, and the lineman delivered a short pass to Cyrano de Baggagerack to close out the period.

Determined to find a way to deal with the orc squad's physical superiority, the Knights looked again to their youth for answers. Hot on the heels of the kickoff in the second half, blitzer Chet Jackweed trampled line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath soundly, and Nightwrath left the game under his own power. Taking advantage of the slight offset in manpower, Lance Freely found receiver Brad Attitûd with a bullet from midfield, and the lanky lad left defenders in the dust on his way to the Fly-by Knights' second score of the game.

With time running short, the Ragefangs needed everyone on the same page to complete another play and tie the match. They might have succeeded too, were it not for the ever-dangerous Jacques Strappe, whose reputation as the strongest thrower in the league is all but concrete. The resolute Strappe not only saved a touchdown with an emphatic blitz, but then picked up the fallen cargo and sent it, air mail, special delivery, to blitzer Victor Dashing. Dashing made like his name implied, and sprinted for the touchdown, sealing the deal for the Knights, the final score three to one.

Match MVP accolades went to Chet Jackweed of the Knights, with the only casualty of the game, whose training as an "armoured catcher" appears to be paying off. Kozu Ironhide, black orc of the Ragefangs, took the honour for his squad by virtue of his solid performance on the front line. Also highly of note were Brad Attitûd and Lance Freely of the Knights, who seem to have adapted to catcher Stanley Steele's training regime and demonstrated impressive agility all game. Raziek Bloodrage of the Ragefangs gets a nod as well for demonstrating excellent presence of mind with regards to his teammates, assisting on the line despite multiple threats to his person.

Our second scheduled game was a clash of extreme opposites. The graceful, groomed and gorgeous lads of the the Blueriver Wardoves brought their brand of quick, precise elven game to bear against the robust, rude and rowdy Smash and Go'nads, for whom success is measured only in destruction and blood alcohol level. Divergent philosophies coupled with a lust for the prize of victory and a cruelly brilliant sun can mean only one thing, sportsfiends - entertainment!

Things started out with a typical dwarf play, and the crafty fellows handed off to runner Adam Meway, who sheltered himself behind a crushing protective force of longbeards. Just as the line seemed it may buckle, Meway burst forth like the fizz from a newly-shaken can of Bloodweiser and dashed into the end zone. The dwarves had made their statement; could the elves respond?

Respond they did, in more ways than one. Vengeance was the first item on the Wardoves' menu, and Mlalyn Firefawn was the line cook of punishment as he violently fouled the down-and-out Gil T. Azell. The refs caught it, though, (for the record, the first time they've had the stones to do so all season), and Firefawn was sent off to the resounding boos of the already-wasted dwarven crowds. Azell was in horrible shape, but the dwarves' doc made no mistake and saw the bruising slayer back to the dugout for the next drive. Meanwhile, the elves were free to change the game to their own liking in the absence of the Go'nads' superlative troublemaker, and Bendark Mossfang made a smooth pass to the crowd-pleasing Tsih Killwillow, and before you could say "photo op" the game was tied. Killwillow reportedly celebrated by blowing a kiss to each and every one of the Wardoves' cheerleaders, who were subsequently carted to the infirmary for minor bruises sustained while falling to the grass in a stupor, as well as several counts of broken hearts. The half ended with a deadlock, both teams having each scored a touchdown.

Fired up by the momentum gained by their last drive, the Wardoves struck fast as the second half opened. Keeping the dwarves guessing while Mossfang surveyed the field coolly, the elves set up a scenario of multiple potential targets. At last the time came to strike, and the high, spiraling pass from Mossfang found Sutlan Spearflower wide open and the second point for the elves went essentially uncontested. Now all they had to do was keep the slower dwarf squad from making the game theirs again.

The Wardoves were about to find out just how hard it can be to tell a dwarf "no" and to make it stick. The bodies flew and crashed as the Smash and Go'nads paved a way for their plucky runners, but at every turn they were met with nimble elf resistance. The Wardoves danced quickly through what would be impassible coverage to most other teams. When the elves were finally upon him, Adam Meway connected with Dick Gozinia on a desperation pass, and one runner picked up the march downfield where the other left off. The dwarves were starting to win the battle to stay vertical, no doubt in part to their lower centers of gravity. Still, the Wardoves found the energy to surge at Gozinia before his goal was met. knocked off his feet, the ball scattering away, hope seemed lost until line dwarf Achilles Punks somehow managed to rein in the wild ball. Gone were the elves' hopes of an easy end to the match, but with them as well went the dwarves' ability to rely on the speed of their less-bearded specialists. With the resolve of an avalanche and much the same sound, Achilles Punks rumbled forward with the help of his teammates. The dwarves brushed aside the remaining elves as they swarmed, and panting, out of breath, heaving and farting like a true dwarven champion, Punks crossed the goal line to the uproarious support of the dwarven faithful. His celebration proved the least flamboyant of the afternoon, and he was left to nap on the pitch as the crowd dispersed. The final score: a 2-2 tie.

The most honoured players of this match were Stu Padasso of the Smash and Go'nads for his excellent line support in the dwarves' hour of need, and to Venspar Pondrazor of the Wardoves for his timely blocking. Several other accolades were given to elf catcher Sutlan Spearflower who deked and dodged his way to a touchdown, and to dwarves Achilles Punks, who supported his mates even as they paved his unlikely way to glory, and Adam Meway, who mimicked the quick reactions of his cohort Dick Gozinia and got the ball away under pressure on several occasions.

We're saving the biggest thrills for last, folks! Next week, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters seek the end to their perfect season, with the Fly-by Knights looking to upset the wagon. As well, the Meathooks take one last stab at glory when they square off against the Blueriver Wardoves in another intense duel of form vs. function. See you then!