A Battle with Honour, but not Humanity

It's Magical Mister Mudd, also known as the "Coach Wrangler" here to report with last weekend's exciting challenge match issued by the Brutakai Ragefangs to the Blueriver Wardoves.
As the seats fill, I looked down from my VIP seats with the other officials and notice for the first time a majority of the fans with Ragefang colours. We chuckle from our vantage point seeing some Orc fans react to the bittersweet sight of non-orc Ragefans (as they've come to be known) with green face paint as well as their jerseys and flags. All that the Brutakai-natives on the pitch really care about, though, is that they had the majority of the fans support in the crowd of 26 thousand.

The coin toss lands in orc favour, and they choose to kick. The pigskin is sent high and lands in the hands of Bendark Mossfang, the Wardoves' star Thrower. He sends a signal to the front lines and the Wardoves slip into the throng of the Ragefang defensive line. The orcs pile on Tsih Killwillow, knowing the Catcher's reputation, but Mossfang makes the pass to Sutlan Spearflower, who sprints down the field for the first touchdown.

The Ragefangs receive next, and their offensive drive starts brutally. While the elves put up their best counterattack, the orcs secure the ball in a tight cage. The Wardoves dance around the edges of the Ragefang formation as they push their muscle-bound green wall forward. Meanwhile, down the field the orc blitzer Xarnak Bloodrage tries to get out into the open. Before he is able, the Wardoves make a desperate play, knocking the cage inwards on itself and sending the ball popping out into the air. Mossfang is there in a flash and hurtles it to Spearflower for the second Wardoves touchdown.

At this point I am unable to see the field. It seems that within the stands the tensions between the orc fans and the green-painted non-orcs have been arguing. Clearly the orcs were offended, but the painted non-orcs were staunch in their right to "properly show their love for the team" and before you know it, we have a riot on our hands. It's an action-packed fight, let me tell you, but the ref leaves the clock running while he goes to sort out the chaos and by the time things have settled down, the half is nearly over! Only a few blocks get thrown before the whistle signals halftime.

Down two to nothing, the Brutakai Ragefangs receive at the start of the 2nd half. Thrower Krak Toothsnapper tries to quickly gain possession of the ball, but trips and upsets their offensive drive. With that, the Wardoves slip into orc territory, forcing them to backpedal to form a defense around the ball. More elves and orcs move into place, and it becomes a brawl, both sides dishing out the hurt. Somehow during the chaos, the ball is sent into the crowd. A helpful fan throws it back in and it hot potatoes around the brawl until finally landing into a greenskin hand. Good ol' Bendyrm Cloudrender runs in to try to get at the ball, held by Rigor Stonestomper and gets it right down his throat. He lays still on the field, though eventually the Apothecary patches him up just fine, saving him a potentially career-ending injury.

Down the field Raziek Bloodrage finally gets the upper hand against the elf defense, and is able to move freely. Given that opportunity he kicks at the fallen form of Mlalyn Firefawn, but the referee sees him plainly and sends the blitzer off for the remainder of the game. The Wardoves manage to get the ball out from the brawl; Stryth Leafmauler picks it up and tries tossing it downfield to Tanthil Twigbreaker's waiting hands, but misses by a mile! Tsih makes a 'tsk tsk' noise, sighs and shows the lineman how it's done, lobbing the pass himself to Twigbreaker, allowing the elf to give the Wardoves their third touchdown of the game!

The kick is received by the Ragefangs again, and while it's in the air some superstitious fans decides to chuck rocks at both teams' #3 players (Twigbreaker and Stonestomper), stunning them both. Holo Axegut, orc thrower, picks up the ball, but it seems the fan that threw it back in had left some greasy smears on it and it falls at his feet when he tries to throw it to Xarnak Bloodrage. Quickly, he picks it up again, wipes it on his tunic and lobs it into Mr.Bloodrage's waiting hands. The Ragefangs' play goes smoothly, but the Wardoves form a wall around the advancing orcs, costing them their last chance at a touchdown. Hoping to join the defensive line, Sutlan Spearflower turns on the speed and suddenly trips on a discarded ale bottle and takes a headfirst dive onto the pitch with a wet crack! The officials run to the still form of the catcher that had done so much for the Wardoves this game, and as they turn him over, it is apparent that he is dead. He had landed on a spiked plate that must have fallen off of an orc at some point. and the pointy end went into the part he needs to breathe with. The female fans (and some males) cry freely and without shame as the last half comes to a close, violence dished out on all sides.

A bittersweet victory for the Blueriver Wardoves, three to nothing. Much thanks to Sir Spearflower, who is largely to blame for the win. Tsih promises to the press that he'll take it upon himself to console the many women that were in love with Sutlan, and offers them all the keys to his penthouse suite. He goes on to show off his new acrobatic catching technique as he slides in to catch a feinting elven maiden after throwing her a wink. The Ragefangs, despite their loss, bow honorably to their opponents before taking their leave.

MVPs for the match were Xarnak Bloodrage for the orcs, for always being there to assist a block, and Albiir Featherdeath of the elves, for his usual exemplary performance as the team's star blitzer. I think it's becoming clear that Fhorin Bloodmeadow is a bit jealous of his partner in blitzing's prowess, but we'll see if that rivalry is healthy or not. Also to note is Rigor Stonestomper, who got the rock in the noggin earlier, found that superstitious fan and proved that he's not going to be knocked down so easily in the future. The #3 player for the elves, Tanthil Twigbreaker, had similar sentiments, but showed it by getting a whole new set of armour that will shine in the sun in their upcoming game against the skaven speedsters: the Bilgerunners. See you there folks!

Edit: This just in! I was just informed that the Blueriver Wardoves have already replaced their fallen Catcher. Please welcome Angruil Grimmrose to the High Elven roster! Will he be able to replace the late Spearflower, or will he forever live in the shadow to star player Tsih Killwillow, much like Bloodmeadow seems to have fallen far behind Featherdeath? As the drama unfolds, keep a close watch on the next match folks!

Skaven Screech Past Takedown, Meathooks Outduel Go'nads

The Commish here once again, with the game reports from two of the three challenge matches taking place this weekend. My esteemed associate the Coach Wrangler will have the third match details after he's finished playing in that very game!

Our first game of the day saw a clash of newcomers, with the Blackwater Bilgerunners issuing the challenge to fellow expansion squad Traumatic Takedown. With fine weather and an even spread of fans, the skaven won the coin toss and elected to receive first. Strangely enough, the weather changed as soon as the first kickoff was made, and the sun became fiercely bright, blinding everyone in the cheap seats and causing trouble for the passing game.

What would be expected from a crunchy team of rats going up against a more robust force of hobgoblins, dwarves and a centaur? Certainly not the first casualty being caused by a linerat named Stumptail. The plucky blocker threw down against hobgoblin Plex Fracture, leaving the hapless rookie to be carted away by the Takedown's stretcher crew, and listed as "not bloody likely" for the team's next match. Following the hit, skaven thrower Fivel Mausketrap made a successful pass to gutter runner Piddlepaw. Hounded by the chaos dwarves' centaur Charlie Horse, Piddlepaw made a valiant effort to escape but in the end was shoved clean through a sideline billboard and into the fans, who merely carried him back to his dugout unharmed. The ball was still free on the pitch, though, and Fivel Mausketrap once again got his paws on it and carried it over the goal line for the first scoring play of the game.

The remainder of the first half was largely uneventful, with the Takedown's offense sputtering slightly with an universal case of butterfingers. Just as they seemed to be getting their act together, bad turned to worse as skaven blitzer Jenner attacked dwarf lineman Third Degree Bernie. Somehow, the dwarf's grungy beard got caught in the rat's jaws, and the strength of dwarven facial hair being what it is, simply could not be dislodged. With a great effort from Jenner, he tore himself free - and took most of Bernie's face with him. As per his request, Third Degree Bernie's remains were incinerated on the pitch, and his charred bones distributed among his fans at halftime.

As the second half began, the fans were in a state of extreme agitation. Whether angered at the loss of Third Degree Bernie or simply prone to bouts of generic belligerence, the chaos dwarf supporters poured out onto the field to take their frustration out on the skaven team's players. In response, the rat fanatics spilled forth over the guardrails and trampled across the pitch as well. Fortunately for both squads, the damage was minimal, and aside from a few players from each squad taking a brief nap in the dirt, the game continued as normal. With a handful of key defenders down, however, the skaven were not able to apply a complete pass coverage, and Perry Carditis, self-styled hobgoblin quarterback, launched a deep, soaring bomb of a pass downfield, into the arms of fellow hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea, who made a stellar one-handed grab and was home free for the equalizing touchdown. The fans went absolutely nuts, which admittedly wasn't too far from their regular states of mind.

Going nuts, however, was just the tip of the iceberg. It seemed that between the touchdown and the setup for the next kickoff, the skaven fans had begun leaving the stadium! The chaos dwarf fans had a good laugh, thinking the rat men had called it quits after seeing the hobgoblins make such a difficult play look easy. The joke was on them, though, as the skaven fans then poured out of the tunnels and onto the pitch, positively thrashing the Takedown players. Several dwarves came down out of the stands to retaliate, but their damage was merely a footnote on the skaven page of brutality, and more than a half-dozen chaos dwarf players were left stunned. With no way to stop the speedy gutter runners in their current state, the Takedown could only watch as Dingleberry trotted into the end zone to reclaim the lead.

The match was more controlled from that point on, as several dozen security ogres were bussed in to keep things quieter in the stands. A loudmouth from either side refused to be calmed down, however, and they were quickly introduced to each other in midair when they collided fifty feet above the pitch after each was thrown out of his seat by a security ogre. Play finally resumed once more, with the chaos dwarf team at a significant disadvantage. Charlie Horse was knocked out on the previous drive and simply could not wake up. Outnumbered by the wily skaven, the Traumatic Takedown was too hard-pressed to get through coverage and stop another lightning-quick touchdown from Piddlepaw. Cheese rained from the stands and most of the Takedown's fans began to file out in defeat. All there was time for with time running short was a half-hearted toss from one hobgoblin to another, as Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon completed a pass to Perry Carditis to end the contest. The final tally was three to one for the Blackwater Bilgerunners.

MVPs of the match were Bilgerunners linerat Lamefist, for reasons we are unsure of, and Traumatic Takedown blocker Spleenic Pain, also without significant merit. True recognition goes out to several players, however. The Takedown's hobgoblin corps was stellar, with Perry Carditis earning his place as quarterback, and his teammates Olecranon and Pnoea demonstrating their nascent prowess as ball handlers. Among the skaven, credit is due to linerat Stumptail for his impressive blocking and to gutter runner Dingleberry for his impossible feats of agility. He'll certainly be one to watch, if we can actually see him move.

Our second game of the day showcased such admirable traits as resolve, determination and dedication, as well as such less-admirable but equally exciting traits as blood type, bone structure and pain threshold. The stubborn, stout Smash and Go'nads faced off against the maniacal Meathooks in a case of trench warfare. The Go'nads came off a disappointing tie versus the Blueriver Wardoves in their last match, while the Meathooks were taken by surprise when the upstart Bloodsand Blasters squeezed out a 1-0 victory against the orcs.

Hostilities opened with a high kick which couldn't be reined in by Dick Gozinia, but the dwarves were anything but discouraged. Stu Padasso, blitzed his way into the face of black orc Beefquake, who fell to the earth with a thunderous thump. The medics went to work quickly however, and the big fella shrugged off what could have been a crippling injury. To make matters worse for the Meathooks, Euin Whatarmy, dwarf troll slayer and all-around dangerous fellow, shoved star orc blitzer Beef Bigaxe into the restless crowd, and suffered for it as his hand was viciously smashed against the guardrail. Bigaxe is expected to be sidelined for his next game.

The orcs needed a response and they got one, from the hard-working Hamfist Goreguts. Goreguts lined up dwarf runner Adam Meway and ran him into the ground, leaving the sore dwarf out for the match and likely the next one too. The dwarves managed to get the ball moving downfield in the meantime, but couldn't capitalize on the drive when Stu Padasso took a tumble on the goal line and lost possession. In desperation, orc blitzer Moose Burger hurled the ball down the pitch, but there was no one nearby when it landed. For the time being, the Meathooks were happy just not to be trailing in a second consecutive game.

In the push to get back to the ball, line orc Hamfist Goreguts again left his boot mark on the match as he trampled runner Dick Gozinia, nearly breaking the dwarf's leg. The apothecaries were well prepared, though, and Gozinia was unscarred and rejoined the team the following drive. Picking up the loose ball, Moe Lester of the Smash and Go'nads attempted a deep pass of his own, only to drop the ball on the windup, dropping it off the helmet of lineman Eric Shun, who managed to hold onto it. Lester was seriously off his game today, as he subsequently failed to take the handoff from Shun immediately thereafter. The first half wound down without any actual scoring, though Lockjaw the line orc managed to shove Euin Whatarmy out of bounds and through a poorly assembled bleacher, and the troll slayer was removed from the match to deal with several dozen deep splinters.

Set to receive for the second half, the Meathooks prepped their famous goblin toss strategy, hoping that their better mobility would leave the dwarf team flagging behind them as they ran in for a touchdown. Regrettably the play couldn't get off the drawing board safely, as the dwarven coverage proved too good to eliminate threats to the goblins. Stu Padasso redeemed himself for his earlier gaffe by laying out the hapless Bacon Sandwich and leaving him with a permanent, chronic lower back injury. In brutal response, the mighty Beefquake charged into line dwarf Phil DeGrave, positively leveling the dwarf beneath his enormous girth and breaking his neck like a fortune cookie in a pile driver. The orcs hoped that this would afford them the space they needed for another shot at the goblin toss, but Hammish still couldn't get his grubby little mitts on it and it squirted free. Trying again, the determined little green man snatched up the football and scampered laterally until he was in the clear at midfield and tossed the ball across the pitch to the lurking Moose Burger. Burger couldn't get a handle on the wild throw though, and Dick Gozinia of the Go'nads instead scooped it up from where it lay. Gozinia attempted a high-risk handoff, but was not rewarded. Pouncing on the loose ball, Burger hurtled past the remaining dwarven defenders and spiked the football triumphantly in the end zone for the game's first score.

The Smash and Go'nads had little time to stage a comeback, but the Meathooks made it easy for them to get started. Another high kick allowed Dick Gozinia to get great field position, and Gil T. Azell cleared some space by shoving Grunt Skunchman out of bounds. Determined not to give an inch, though, line orc Rip Steakface throttled the aforementioned Azell, leaving him out of contention for the remainder of the match. The dwarves pressed and pushed, but couldn't make any headway. As time ran out, a suspicious bolt of lightning erupted from a hot air balloon drifting overhead, but if Hammish was its target, then the balloonist/sorcerer should be ashamed of himself, as the wily goblin nimbly dodged out of the bolt's path. Time finally ran out, with the final score a hard-fought one to nothing victory for the Meathooks.

This matches MVP accolades went to the Go'nads' Adam Meway, despite not having accomplished much at all, and to black orc Grunt Skunchman who was a protective force for his allies on the line of scrimmage.

Hopefully a day or two is enough time to digest all that carnage, sportsfiends, because you've still got the Wardoves/Ragefangs match to catch as well as prepare fro two big battles on Tuesday! it's Deathdealer division once again, with a Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters/Smash and Go'nads game followed by a Wardoves/Bilgerunners match! Until next time, folks!

Brutal Brawls Out of Bloodbath

This past Tuesday saw the Bloodbath division of the MMBBL kick off its Blood Bowl regular season, and brutality was the name of the game in both cases.

Game one saw the Bloodsand Blasters rise up to meet the green juggernaut of the Meathooks. Fielding four mummies and a handful of skeletons, the Blasters were nearly a match for the swelling ranks of the Meathooks in terms of strength. To tip the scales, Ramtut III was brought in to contain the mighty Gristly Slötturhaus, and for added carnage, the professionally deranged Hack Enslash was brought on board with his trusty, rusty chainsaw. The weather was gorgeous, and the prevailing wind came from the legions of Meathooks fans who greatly outnumbered those who came to see the Khemri squad. The undead won the coin toss and elected to receive first.

As the ball came down, it seemed as though both teams forgot it was even in play. As the match began, foul after unrepentant foul was committed by both sides, and only Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters and Lockjaw of the Meathooks were ejected from the game by the officials. Immediately afterwards, mummy Durdurhotep throttled the mighty Beef Bigaxe, knocking the blitzer out for the remainder of the game. Indeed, much of the game devolved from the usual fare of coordinated, planned-out plays into several isolated brawls all over the pitch. In the confusion, a pass attempt by skeleton Mister Urns went largely unnoticed when it failed to even leave his bony hand properly. Still, the carnage played on and with help from his teammates Dusty Tombs and Helter Skeleter, Urns managed to recover the ball and begin a slow, inexorable drive downfield. It seemed that perhaps line orc Chip Bonesaw might break free from mummy coverage to stop the shambling skeleton, but his escape was foiled when he tripped in a pile of wrappings that Battering Ramses had been trailing behind himself. The orc fell hard to the ground and had to be carted off field. Reports show that Bonesaw will be missing the team's next match due to his injuries. With nothing else to stop him, Mister Urns staggered into the end zone at last, and the stands erupted with the clatter of bone colliding with bone, in what we believe is an undead approximation of clapping. The half ended with the score 1-0 for the upstart Bloodsand Blasters.

After halftime, the Meathooks emerged from their locker room with a look of steady resolve as well as matching pairs of brass knuckles. They received the kickoff and set about closing the unlikely gap between themselves and victory, and planned to use the bones of their enemies to build their road to success. First, skeleton Sahket Toomi was dismembered while breaking free of coverage, leaving his arm on the pitch. As he broke down the field, he was set upon by Pickles the thrower, who had not only retrieved the lost limb, but was very forcefully giving it back to the skeleton until he had to be dragged off in a bag. Pickles was immediately thereafter scolded from on high for his actions, when a bolt of lightning struck him down, not injured, but a bit crispy. Following his quarterback's lead, T-Boner brought his sizable frame to bear against Helter Skeleter, clobbering the hapless boneman into submission along the sidelines. In his frenzy, however, T-Boner didn't notice Battering Ramses' approach and paid for it by being sent crashing into the stands.

Not much later, the surprisingly ineffective Hack Enslash, having discovered that his chainsaw didn't even have a chain on it, knelt down to repair the machine. He was immediately sat upon by the corpulent Beefquake and the goblin spatula squad came out to drag him away. Still further casualties came from the orcish onslaught, and Cal Ciferous found himself getting rattled by line orc Rip Steakface. Miraculously, each and every Blasters player who was mangled regenerated completely from his wounds, or at least dug up enough parts to replace what was broken. All the while, Ramtut III was keeping the Meathooks' troll well in check, and the two goblins, Hammish and Bacon Sandwich were left with only the running option to keep themselves both alive and in contention. Accompanied by Pickles and Steakface, the wily green guys hustled down the sidelines only to be accosted abruptly by the mummies West Nile Cyrus and Old Giza. Unable to complete their running route and with the ball in danger getting put out of reach, the green group shoved Hammish into harm's way, where he miraculously got ahold of the prize and lobbed it downfield into the end zone. With the game on the line and time nearly up, Only Ramrod Meatmissile had a chance to save the day. Blitzing through what remained of the skeleton defenders, Meatmissile used every ounce of strength to make it to the end zone - and then bobbled the ball when he got there. The game was over, and the only thing the line orc could do was cover his head and run off to the locker room as the crowd rained bricks, bottles and bones onto the pitch below.

The match MVP awards went to Old Giza of the Bloodsand Blasters and to Chip Bonesaw of the Meathooks. The low-scoring, violent affair was remarkable for the lack of permanent injuries, and the Blasters, though glad of the victory, seemed disheartened at the lack of bloodshed. Perhaps they'll get a chance in the future?

On now to our second match of the day, with Bloodbath division's other rookie squad, the Traumatic Takedown squaring off against the more skilled Brutakai Ragefangs. Sunny weather prevailed here as well, and the majority of the fans in the stands were here to see the mysterious chaos dwarf team and learn more about them (at least more than our goblin correspondent was able to glean).

The Ragefangs received first, and immediately made plans to get Xarnak Bloodrage into the end zone for the touchdown. Almost home free down the sideline, Bloodrage was blindsided by Charlie Horse, the Takedown's towering centaur. The orc was sent flying into the bleachers, while the centaur recovered the ball and made his way across the pitch and downfield. Unfortunately for himself, Horse got greedy and took a bad step, crashing to the earth in a heap. out of nowhere came the other Bloodrage brother, Raziek, who picked up the football, plowed through hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea and strode unchallenged into the end zone. One to nothing for the Ragefangs on a great effort by their favourite son!

Setting up for the next kickoff, the Ragefangs were caught off guard by a fan who evidently had no love for the Bloodrage brothers, hurling a boot at Raziek to get him off the pitch. Luckily for Raziek, line orc Kodish Manhammer stuck his head up to survey the pitch, and took the boot squarely on the temple. His unwitting sacrifice got a round of applause from the Ragefangs faithful and a lone "'at were meant fer tha skilly-un, ye soddy gobber!" from who we assume was the would-be cobbler-assassin. The half ended without further scoring, however.

As the second half started and the ball was kicked, it was retrieved by hobgoblin Perry Carditis, who made a quick shovel pass to fellow hobgoblin Ortho Pnoea. Setting out to stop the playmakers and perhaps emerge from the shadow of the other two blitzers on his team, Prok Fleshdrinker made an assault on Carditis, but somehow was thrown to the dirt himself, howling in pain. The medics went to work on him, but it appears he'll be missing his next match with an upper body injury. The ball did get knocked loose however, only to be recovered once more by Perry Carditis. Though young and inexperienced, Carditis may have the makings of a skilled thrower. he reinforced this possibility with another short lob to Pnoea, who scrambled his way to the end zone to tie the game at one.

The loss of the lead saw the "rage" in the Ragefangs rise to the top, beginning as Kozu Ironhide laid a hammer punch down on the until-now successful Carditis, who was dragged off for the rest of the match. Kragor Clawfang followed suit, pummeling Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon into the mud and out of contention. Still not satisfied and possibly as revenge for the shot at his brother, Xarnak Bloodrage battered line dwarf Spleenic Pain and the stretcher came out yet again. In a final retaliation, however, Rip Tendon hoisted line orc Ruushaenk Nightwrath over the waist-high guardrail (dwarf height being what it is) and dumped him into an uproarious crowd of Traumatic Takedown fans, who knocked the orc out by chucking him through the roof of the Ragefangs' infirmary. With the game degenerating into a pro-wrestling tryout, the clock ran down and the match ended in a draw.

The match MVPs were Busitis Olecranon for the Traumatic Takedown, and Rigor Stonestomper, line orc of the Brutakai Ragefangs. Kragor Clawfang, who recently won the Silver Lining as the fan MVP choice, was also given a nod for his clutch ball-stripping skills which may have prevented a second score from the Takedown.

Now that everyone's tasted blood with our first two weeks under our belts, we can look forward to this Sunday when a trio of challenge matches will get underway! First, the Blackwater Bilgerunners have thrown down the gauntlet against the Traumatic Takedown. Second, the Smash and Go'nads demand satisfaction against the Meathooks! And finally, the Brutakai Ragefangs look to pen another chapter in the ageless conflict of Orc and Elf against the Blueriver Wardoves! We'll see you there, don't forget your team colours and favourite heavy object!

Elves and Dwarves Continue Rivalry, Skaven Get Officially Welcomed

The Blood Bowl season is finally upon us! Tuesday evening saw the first kickoff of the Summer, as well as several other firsts for this young season. The games on tap were a rematch of last season's intense battle between the Blueriver Wardoves and the Smash and Go'nads, as well as the Blackwater Bilgerunners' first league match, an imposing bout with the biggest heap of trouble this side of anywhere, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.

Both the dwarves and the elves came into tonight's match with plenty to prove. Their previous encounter led to a 2-2 draw, and most players took home a sour taste in their mouths. Each had the same goal; to surpass the other and claim dominance. What would be the outcome? Beards or blossoms?

The weather was sunny and mild as the Wardoves lined up to kick to the Go'nads, cheerful and looking forward to start the game. Just as the kick was made, the elves revealed their true intentions, and caught the offense flat-footed. The blitz was on, and the Wardoves' catchers made a break for the ball. The dwarves were quick to catchup, however, and Dick Gozinia leaped helmet-first into Sutlan Spearflower, knocking out the elf before he could get a handle on the ball. Never a team to leave any question as to their ability to maul the opposition, the dwarf squad followed up with more pain. Eric Shun, previously wounded in a match last season, must have had something to prove, because he was on fire tonight. First on his list was Wardoves' lineman Mlalyn Firefawn, whom he laid out with a serious concussion. The elf medics earned their keep and fixed him up right as rain, however.

After Dick Gozinia had recovered the ball for the Go'nads, it was quickly knocked loose in the growing pile of bodies. Adam Meway nearly emerged from the heap with the prize, but was soon dragged back in. To make it out of there with the ball was going to require superhuman skill. Who better to make an attempt than Tsih Killwillow, then? The nimble heartthrob dashed his way into the mess of coverage and sure enough, emerged with the football. retreating from the maze of bodies, Killwillow handed the ball off to Albiir Featherdeath. Unfortunately, Featherdeath was too busy trying to figure out how Tish had managed to get the ball to actually complete the play, and the hard-earned ball bounced clear on his error. Seizing the opportunity and extracting himself from the pile, dwarf runner Adam Meway got hold of the ball and booked it down the field to open the scoring, leaving the elf crowd speechless and the dwarf crowd in ecstatic, alcohol-fueled chaos.

Not prepared to let the game get away from them, and on the backs of hairy, dirty people no less, the Wardoves set about their next drive with a mechanical grace. With blocks in place and the ball kicked into play, Bendark Mossfang marshaled his forces like a true gridiron general, setting up a perfect pass to Sutlan Spearflower. A quick shift here, a nimble dodge there, and the catcher was in the end zone, spiking the ball into the turf emphatically to get the elf fans back into the game. The whistle blew, and going into halftime the score was locked at one.

The second half started with the Blueriver Wardoves looking to keep up the momentum from their late touchdown. Plans often go awry in the game of Blood Bowl, however, and what on another day might have been an easily caught pass from Bendark Mossfang to Tsih Killwillow was instead bobbled, dropping into the hands of Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads. To make matters worse, Eric Shun wasn't done with his beating spree, and the dwarf lineman positively leveled Albiir Featherdeath, using the limber elf blitzer's back as a makeshift springboard. There are not many ways to deal with an airborne dwarf. Venspar Pondrazor learned this the hard way. When Shun landed on the elf lineman, the wet crunch of collapsing vertebrae was practically deafening. to make matters worse, the surly dwarf, in an effort to prop himself up, mashed his fists against Pondrazor's neck and crotch simultaneously, effectively castrating and asphyxiating the elf at the same time. There was a brief recess as what was left of Venspar was removed by a goblin spatula squad. For those who lost count, that's THREE casualties for one dwarf in one game. This Eric Shun is one to watch, folks.

Time was winding down, and while the body count was growing, the Go'nads needed points if they wanted to hurt the elves' pride as well as their players. Dick Gozinia, set upon by desperate elf blockers, dumped the ball off to Moe Lester, only to watch as the wind caught his soft pass and blew the ball directly back to him. The charging elves brought him down, and Bendark Mossfang lined up another pass to get the ball downfield in a hurry. Perhaps too much of a hurry, as the pass failed utterly and once again, a pile-up surrounded the ball. Time ticked away, and though Gil T. Azell managed to dispose of an elf receiver by putting him into the bleachers and recover the ball, the dwarves could manage no more than a half-hearted pass before time ran out. Once again, the Smash and Go'nads and Blueriver Wardoves played to a draw of 1 to 1. No satisfaction, no victor.

MVPs of the match were Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads, and Bendyrm Cloudrender of the Blueriver Wardoves, who threw key blocks for the elf squad. With a great deal of uproar from the dwarf fanbase, Eric Shun was also given a nod for setting a new precedent in the injury department, with his three consecutive casualties catapulting him to the top of the power rankings for this season. Meanwhile, a modest funeral was held for the departed Venspar Pondrazor, and the aforementioned lineman Cloudrender vowed to uphold his teammate's memory by adapting his play style.

In our second match of the evening, the new met the old as the upstart skaven of the Blackwater Bilgerunners met the grizzled and misshapen veterans of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. The Dirt Bursters, fresh (we use the term lightly) from their domination of the Chaos Cup tournament, brought with them a legion of fans and a roster of the most impressive corpses ever to play the game. The Bilgerunners brought bagged lunches and their next of kin. Showing up of his own accord was the Rat Ogre Headsplitter, who by all accounts had been selling hot dogs outside the stadium until a team he could sign with showed up.

Though the weather was pleasant, the participants were anything but. Somewhere along the line of scrimmage, words were exchanged and the first kickoff began with a broken play. The officials were fortunate not to have to worry about how much time had passed, and the clock was simply set to zero and the drive started anyway, with the undead set to receive. The Dirt Bursters, not perceiving the skaven as a true threat, decided to field zombie Tinny in favour of the more skilled Stumps O'Boggy. Tinny's enthusiasm may have dimmed his focus slightly, however, as his first block thrown against the line rat Gimpy resulted in the zombie being carted off and sidelined for the rest of the match. The small crowd of Bilgerunners fans were elated that they were remarkably not the first team to be down a player. Lost in the confusion was the mighty Headsplitter, who was dispatched with relative ease by the Dirt Bursters' mummies, and spent most of the rest of the match face down in the infirmary.

With a burst of momentum, the skaven burst past the undead line and made a bee line for the ball, racing to beat Ol' Teabagger to the play. It's hard to outrun the wily Teabagger, however, and the ghoul got the ball out of danger. Attempting to hand the football off to newcomer Bahnaynay (recently signed to replace the crippled Dug Nobs) proved to be a problem though. The young ghoul appeared starstruck as the O.T.B. bore down on him, and the ball thankfully bounced back into the veteran's possession. Of course, there were still a half-dozen frenzied rat men charging at him, and the blitzer Brutus managed to knock Ol' Teabagger over. The ball was recovered by gutter runner Dingleberry, who nearly scored were it not for a surge of defensive effort by the O.T.B. followed by his dash to the safety of his comrades' coverage.

The moans from the stands echoed what the Dirt Bursters' coaches were telling them; the skaven were laying down heaps of pressure coverage and the undead were buying it and running. To turn things around, a more brutal approach was needed, and the ghoul Chompsalot spearheaded this initiative by breaking Dingleberry's collarbone. The Bilgerunners' medical crew were sharp though, and sharp enough to repair the damage completely. In response, Gimpy continued his unlikely streak of violence by knocking out Ned Gummers. It seemed not even the elite of the league are safe from the furry fury of the skaven, and Ol' Teabagger made sure to keep the game in control by running into the end zone at the nearest opportunity. The score was one-nil for the Dirt Bursters, but the crowd was in a state of confusion given the amount of trouble the wily rat men caused.

The Bilgerunners had a brief chance to equalize before halftime, but a misstep by gutter runner Piddlepaw ended that hope. To close out the half, Ol' Teabagger tossed a pass to his fellow ghoul Bahnaynay, giving the younger player a chance to redeem himself. The pass was good, but time had worn down and the teams went back to the locker rooms for the halftime intermission.

When the time came to take the field again, the Bilgerunners arrived with steely resolve. They'd heard about other teams entering this league and being torn limb from limb. The only tearing going on right then, though, was to be that of gutter runners tearing down the sidelines. The ball was quickly snatched up off the kick by Dingleberry, and the spindly skaven dashed madly downfield, flanked by a handful of his teammates. The undead pressed to defend, but simply could not counter that much speed, and Dingleberry cruised into the end zone, rewarded by his fans with a cascade of assorted cheeses.

On the following kickoff, the ball sailed out of play, and in a bizarre and unsettling turn of events, the touchback was awarded to big number thirteen, Magut of the Dirt Bursters. Lumbering slowly down the field, this was obviously a bid by the undead to control the pace of the game once more. Helping the cause was the Dirt Bursters' first fan favourite, the hard-working Lanks McBreak, who very nearly killed Squeesplat the linerat. Squeesplat survived the ordeal after the med staff looked after him, but will still be taking an extra week to recover.

Where the rats were failing to stop the towering Magut, a more deliberate approach seemed to be warranted. Posing as a humble peanut vendor in the upper bowl of the stadium, a suspicious pointy-hatted figure leaned over the guardrail and unleashed fiery doom onto the players below. The fireball landed squarely on target, and knocked Magut down to roll about, beating out the flames. No one yelled at that particular peanut vendor for the rest of the evening. In an effort to capitalize on the drop, gutter runner Twinkletoes made his move to grab the ball, but nearly bit the dust instead when his foot got caught in the struggling Magut's wrappings. The misstep proved costly and the skaven was removed from the pitch on a stretcher with what is being described as an acute, chronic leg injury. This will likely affect his overall stamina and survivability in future matches.

Now, the scramble for the winning point was truly on. Skaven blitzer Jenner was pushed out of bounds by Chompsalot the Ghoul. In response, Headsplitter made himself useful and knocked out Bahnaynay. Struggling to keep pace with the more experienced undead squad, the skaven simply could not muster enough, and at last No Guts Bob scrambled out of the throng to drive home the second Dirt Bursters touchdown. The Bilgerunners didn't have much time if they wanted to take this to a tie.

The last kickoff was very favourable for the skaven, landing only a few feet from fleet-footed gutter runner Piddlepaw, who then scooped it up and ran a passing play to his teammate Dingleberry. Sprinting across midfield with the goal line in sight, Dingleberry needed only to hope that his fellow skaven would provide adequate coverage for his run. Unfortunately, the coverage at the line of scrimmage gummed up the much-needed interference, and Dingleberry was unceremoniously tossed into the crowd by Chompsalot. With little hope of success, it fell to linerat Krunch to try for the unlikely recovery and score. The undead choked off his only avenue of attack, however, and Krunch made good on his name, landing with a whimper and requiring assistance to leave the field. Hope ran out for the skaven, and the Dirt Bursters survived what proved to be an unexpected challenge. The final tally was 2-1 in favour of the Dusk Hill crew.

The match MVP awards went to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, and to Stumptail of the Bilgerunners. Despite their defeat, the skaven squad showed great skill and remarkable resolve. No one said it would be easy to cut it in this league, and they may have just weathered their greatest challenge tonight.

Join us next week for the first games out of the Bloodbath division, as the Meathooks host the enigmatic Bloodsand Blasters, and the belligerent Traumatic Takedown squares off against the Brutakai Ragefangs! Keep an eye out for challenge matches as well!

The 2008 Chaos Cup Awards Ceremony

Hello out there, sportsfiends, and welcome to the first awards ceremony for the Chaos Cup in the MMBBL. We've got some familiar faces as well as several newcomers receiving awards this season. Illustrations will follow as they come in.

The League MVP award this season goes to - who else? Ol' Teabagger of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters blew the competition away with 27 total player points this season, and despite taking a bit of a tumble in his last match, is sure to return and put up big numbers again for the Blood Bowl.

The "In the Zone" Award for most touchdowns in a season goes to the O.T.B. as well, and while others came close, the ghoul's seven scores brought home the trophy. Leaping, dashing and biting his way out of coverage, it seems nothing will stop the one they call The Man from duplicating his success in the future.

The Commissioner's Medal of Exemplary Brutality, presented to the player who caused the most destruction out on the field this season, is presented to the mummy Khermit of the Dirt Bursters. Khermit equals the total put up by Gort Crudhammer last season, and the two may chase each other to next season's award.

Receiving the Silver Elbow this season for most completed passes is Lance Freely of the Fly-by Knights with an impressive nine throws landing safely in his receivers' hands. Watch for this award to be heavily contested next season, as more agile teams take the pitch and less emphasis (albeit only slightly less) is placed on crushing.

The Brass Doorknob award for Undeniable Interference, which goes to the player with the most interceptions, almost didn't have a winner this year. Not a single interception was made all season, until by some strange twist of fate, a ball was thrown directly into the pointy headgear of the Meathooks' T-Boner, and the officials ruled it a pickoff. Congratulations T-Boner, though we don't particularly expect more of the same.

Awarded the Silver Lining this year for the most game MVP awards is the Brutakai Ragefangs' own Kragor Clawfang, who somehow earned three of the awards in only five games. Either the fans really, really love him, or they just don't much care for anyone else. Perhaps he has the look? Perhaps he's got all the right moves. Perhaps he fixed the vote. In any case, he's won the cape!

Finally, the Big Fat Zero, the dubious Why Bother award, presented to the lazy, unfortunate, or otherwise ineffective player who earned nothing this season but a smack in the mouth from his coach, goes to Bacon Sandwich of the Meathooks. Sandwich made zero passes, zero interceptions, zero hits, zero blocks, zero touchdowns, zero impressions, and from all accounts zero effort on his way to the award this year. When pressed for comment, his response was limited to "don't hit me!"

And there you have it folks! The best of the best, the worst of the worst. The skilled and the lucky. The strong, the swift, the rough and the smooth. These are your 2008 Chaos Cup award recipients!

Don't forget, sportsfiends, the Blood Bowl season begins in one week! Time to hammer the dents out of the barbecue and grill up some squig dogs! See you then!

MMBBL Welcomes Three New Squads

As you may know, the MMBBL is gaining popularity, and as a direct result we are pleased to announce the addition of three new teams to join a roster of eight for the upcoming Blood Bowl Summer season.

First to arrive are the Blackwater Bilgerunners, a Skaven squad loaded with speed and skill. With more on their arrival we have a report from our dwarven correspondent, Rock Blottem.

The Blackwater Bilgerunners, hailing from the sewers of an unnamed Imperium city, enter the MMBBL’s Summer Season Blood Bowl campaign for the first time under the sponsorship of Baron Blackwater of Clan Moulder. Eager to regain the honour of former Skaven greats like the Skavenblight Scramblers (and ease his infamously lethal boredom), the Baron has graciously donated much to his team, and a great deal of the talent comes from his own personal guard. The roster includes gutter runners Twinkletoes, Piddlepaw, and Dingleberry; Stormvermin bodyguards Brutus and Jenner as blitzers; Fivel Mausketrap serving as thrower; as well as a team of plucky linerats culled from the peasantry.

We are assured that the shivering and high pitched squeals of Limpy, Gimpy, Lamefist, Stumptail, Krunch, and Squeesplat are those of ecstasy at the prospect of upholding Skavenblight honour, rather than fear for their own personal survival or the well-being of their families.

What was once a league built around mere brute force is now showing room for skilled teams, it would appear. The Fly-by Knights, followed by the agile Blueriver Wardoves, and now the Blackwater Bilgerunners; we'll see how talent measures up against force in the upcoming season! Moving on to the second new team, we move away from the skittishness and skill of the Skaven to a more balanced combination of stoutness, sneakiness, and speed: The chaos dwarf team known as Traumatic Takedown. With the report, we have junior goblin correspondent Smerk Noseminer.

The Traumatic Takedown is just disembarking from their caravan after a long journey from the mountains, and...augh! AUUUUGH! AAAAWWWRAAAGH!
...

It appears that we'll have to wait for more information about the Takedown, though by the sounds of things, Smerk has gotten an exclusive interview with their bull centaur!

Finally, the third team to join the league, and joining the Traumatic Takedown in the Bloodbath division, are the enigmatic Bloodsand Blasters. Shipped in from their native Ogodytsot Desert in a series of crates, these undead warriors represent a chapter in the history of Blood Bowl that was written before many other teams even got around to crawling out of the swamp on two legs. An ancient textbook marked by hieroglyphics as the "Tome of Takkul'bal" shows a field of play similar to the Blood Bowl pitch, but with a noticeable lack of end zones. It would seem that the Bloodsand Blasters and their predecessors had no concept of "points" and simply played until everyone was dead or collapsed from heatstroke.

We have not been able to secure an interview with anyone directly affiliated with the Blasters yet. We do, however, have access to their current roster, which was dropped off at the MMBBL headquarters. After half an hour of wresting it from the jaws of the delivery animal (crocodiles are not particularly cooperative) We are now able to present it to the public. Their coach is listed as the Divine Takkul, the actual author of the ancient playbook. Among their ranks are eight lesser skeletal beings and four, that's right, FOUR mummies. We have seen how much damage the two mummies of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters can cause. Having four on the pitch at once is sure to be absolute carnage. The roster itself is as follows.

Lesser Skeletal Servants: Dirty Suez, Cairo Practor, Cal Ciferous, Dusty Tombs, Mister Urns, Gus Sarcopha, Sahket Toomi, and Helter Skeleter.

Great and Wise Tyrants of the Sands: Old Giza, West Nile Cyrus, Durdurhotep, and Battering Ramses.

A strange and terrifying bunch, indeed. We hope to learn more about these terrors from beyond the sands of time as they are unpacked and reassembled in their imported pyramid. Hopefully we'll have more on them, the Traumatic Takedown, and the Blackwater Bilgerunners as the season nears its beginning! Look forward to more in the coming days, including the Chaos Cup end-of-season awards!

MMBBL Divisions and Challenges

This will likely be the first of many posts in our brief off season concerning the structure of the league at this point.

We're expanding for the Blood Bowl season, up to eight squads now. Since it's not very likely that we can get everyone to play everyone else like we did this past season, we now have two divisions. There will be playoffs for the Blood Bowl championship, and the seeding order for these will depend on how well teams do in league matches. The league matches are four-to-five games which count towards your playoff standings: Three divisional games (one against each division opponent) and one or more Challenge games. Each coach will be issued a challenge card. This challenge card will be used to start a league match against an opponent from the other division. For example, the Bloodsand Blasters are in the Bloodbath division. They can use their challenge card to challenge anyone in the Deathdealer division.

The division matches will happen at regular intervals throughout the season. In most cases, the two divisions will alternate each week for their matches. Bloodbath one week, Deathdealer the next, and so on. The Challenge matches will take place at times convenient to both players involved in the challenge. Ideally, this can be done on Sunday afternoons, which has worked well enough for us as a league so far, but the commissioner will make himself available whenever possible to officiate at players' convenience.

There are a few restrictions regarding the Challenge cards.

1. You must use your challenge card at some point over the course of the season, unless this is impossible (either in the event of unforeseen real-world issues or in the event of its use breaching one of the underlying rules).
2. You cannot challenge someone whose team rating is more than twenty points lower than your own. Yes, this restricts how high-end teams can challenge, but they can elect to wait until later in the season to make the challenge and this does not restrict them from accepting challenges FROM lower-rated teams.
3. If you turn down someone's challenge, it is expected that you will have a good reason. Real-world responsibilities are an acceptable excuse as always. Fear of another team's tactics, skill or casualty count shouldn't dissuade you; this is a brutal league of an imaginary sport, remember that this is what you signed up for.

Remember, you don't have to resolve a challenge immediately. Granted, the sooner it is played the better, but the challenge will stand once it's been made, and so long as the match takes place sometime before the playoffs are scheduled, it's not a problem. Play challenges when it best suits you, and not necessarily against a foe you feel "obligated" to play against. The game is here for fun!

On that note, it should be mentioned that there is no restriction whatsoever on additional games played, beyond the divisional and challenge matches. If you want to play every week, chances are someone will be up for a match. Additional matches don't count towards your standings for the playoffs, but they ARE a great way to advance your players' skills. This can help you immensely when the playoffs arrive, and can seriously bolster your chances of success against a team with a high rating and lots of cash.

If anyone has any questions about these guidelines, you know where to reach me. I may be the commissioner of this league, but I'm no more important to its success than each of you guys are.

Electrifying Elves Shock Meathooks

Hello again out there, sportsfiends! The final game of the Chaos Cup season took place on Tuesday night, and although there was no championship to fight for, the Blueriver Wardoves and the Meathooks both had plenty of motivation to get the win. The Elven squad once again brought the illustrious Prince Moranian on board to even the odds against the more veteran orcish squad.

With the sun shining and a cool breeze in the air, the two teams took to the field. The Wardoves won the coin toss and elected to kick first, though it proved costly in the early going as the ball sailed out of bounds and possession was given to the Meathooks' one-orc wrecking crew, Beef Bigaxe. The elves saw no danger, only opportunity, though, as Bigaxe was swiftly gang-piled by the elves. Emerging from the fray was receiver Sutlan Spearflower, who hurled a pass downfield to Fhorin Bloodmeadow, but the blitzer was unable to reel the ball in due to coverage. Again there was a brief scramble for the ball, but this time it was Meathooks lineman Ramrod Meatmissile emerging with possession. He found fellow lineman Hamfist Goreguts with a quick pass, but history seemed in the habit of repeating itself this day, as Goreguts was brought down as well after making a small running gain.

After this latest failed drive, it was blitzer Albiir Featherdeath making the recovery for the Wardoves, and, determined to put as much distance between the ball and his own end zone, threw a deep, deep pass to Fhorin Bloodmeadow. This time, Bloodmeadow made the catch, only to catch his foot on a stone and topple face-first into the pitch while dodging out of coverage. Young orc blitzer Moose Burger echoed the tactics of the elves, chucking the football as far as possible downfield, and he was surprisingly rewarded when Biggs McStabstab, nominally the only orc with any business throwing a pass, caught the long bomb and scored the unlikely touchdown. The opening point got the orc fans on their feet and screaming, though McStabstab celebrated only by handing the ball off to his teary-eyed mother Gertrude, who had sideline seats to watch her boy play.

Now came the Wardoves' turn on offense. What might have been a great kick was once again blown out of bounds by a strong gust of wind, and Bendark Mossfang started the drive with possession and good field position. The Meathooks weren't about to concede any field position but "face down and unconscious" however, and Chip Bonesaw brought two-hundred-and-eighty pounds of solid work ethic down on the head of Venspar Pondrazor, putting the elf out for the remainder of the match. His sacrifice was not in vain, though, and the distraction of carnage allowed the elves a scoring chance. Mossfang sailed a perfect pass to Tsih Killwillow in the open field, and the light-footed catcher strode untouched into the end zone for a series of electrifying poses, much to the thrill of every elven maiden in the stadium.

With the score tied at one apiece, the next kickoff couldn't proceed right away until a replacement ref had been found. It seemed that Gertrude McStabstab had become upset about what she felt was a missed call, and had to be ejected from the game after beating the halfling official to within an inch of his life. Mrs. McStabstab was escorted out of the arena, and it is rumoured that she's been offered contracts from several teams as a blitzer. When the matter was finally settled, the Meathooks lined up their now-famous special delivery play, and despite intelligent coverage from the Wardoves, the goblin toss was perfectly executed, and Hammish landed within a quick jog to the end zone. Just like that, the orcs had re-established their lead.

The half finished with no more points, but a superb catch by Prince Moranian. Despite double coverage and who knows what kind of smell, the flashy Moranian hauled in a stellar catch, though there wasn't enough time on the clock to complete another play before the half.

When the teams returned to the pitch after a brief intermission, the fans were even more uproarious than before. Concealed by the din and commotion, no one took notice when a man in a beer-hat filled with Mana Up soft drink stood up and hurled a scorching fireball down onto the field. As it plummeted towards the orc line, Rip Steakface unknowingly let rip a terrifying belch, and somehow the cacophonous passing of gas coupled with the myriad chemicals present in the orc's gastrointestinal tract diffused the baleful ball of flame entirely. The entire crowd roared and cheered, but the oblivious Steakface simply licked his lips and took his place on the line of scrimmage.

What happened next was a textbook example of selflessness in the interest of team success. Let it never be said that Tsih Killwillow isn't completely devoted to the Blueriver Wardoves' group success. Facing a world of hurt should the tactic fail, Killwillow threw a key block to give fellow catcher Sutlan Spearflower a clear break for the end zone. Once Bendark Mossfang found him in the open, Spearflower was home free and the score was tied once more.

The orcs knew time was running short and that with careful managing of the clock, they could score the winning point without leaving enough time for the Wardoves to equalize. A quick snap on the kickoff started the orc drive off well, and with a handoff to Hammish it looked like another goblin toss was in the works. Unfortunately, mentioning the term "the works" may have broken the concentration of Gristly Slötturhaus, and the lumbering troll made his best effort to devour the little fellow. The wily Hammish was no stranger to massive appetites, and quickly scrambled loose from the troll's grip, only to be dropped unceremoniously behind him.

The elves, seeing the opportunity, charged forth to take the game into their own hands. Albiir Featherdeath made his move and bore down on the ball with a fury of determination almost palpable. Meanwhile, the orcish line seemed oblivious to the error on the throw, and the hulking T-Boner went about his usual business of crushing skulls for fun and profit. Today his brute force came to bear on Tanthil Twigbreaker, who suffered serious injuries in the ordeal but was restored by a quick trip to the team doctor. The orc squad slowly began to come around to what was going on, and Moose Burger attempted to salvage the play with a pass to fellow blitzer Beef Bigaxe, but the throw was off. Elf lineman Bendrym Cloudrender seized the free ball and sent it spiraling towards Tsih Killwillow in the open. Still, the orc line paid no heed, as evidenced by lineman Lockjaw who was more concerned with putting Pynian Grassripper on a stretcher. Though faulted for his ignorance of the actual play, Lockjaw gains credit for unquestionably dishing it out to the elf lineman, who was carted away to the medics for repairs. Dodging nimbly away from the onrushing orcs as they realized what was going on, Tsih Killwillow ran his second point of the match into the end zone, where the Wardoves' cheerleaders had laid a pile of downy pillows for their golden boy. rose petals flew everywhere, the crowd was awash in sighs, and Tsih Killwillow lounged in the adulation until the next kickoff was ready.

Now on the other side of the clock management game, the Meathooks needed to score, and score fast. The drive began with Pickles making the long pass to Hammish, who despite having almost been eaten on the last drive seemed determined to get it right. The frustration of losing the lead had gotten to several of the orc players though, and it showed early in the drive as Chip Bonesaw blatantly fouled Mlalyn Firefawn of the Wardoves. Firefawn was knocked unconscious, but Bonesaw was tossed from the match, keeping the playing field even. Next came the big play for the Meathooks. Slötturhaus made no move to consume his tiny comrade this time, and all was going well until it was time for Hammish to land. Whether the ground was uneven or the throw was shaky, the end result was a goblin stuck halfway into the turf. The ball squirted free and Fhorin Bloodmeadow pounced on it. Launching a desperation pass to perhaps pad the elves' lead, the ball was somehow snagged in midair by the usually-oblivious T-Boner. Whether he saw the pass coming or not, the ball was in his grasp. He didn't seem to notice, and continued to shove at Prince Moranian until the latter was pushed into the stands. Realization suddenly dawned upon the black orc, however, and he moved to get the ball to someone who could do something with it. Unfortunately the handoff failed. With time winding down, the orcs could only watch as the ball came to rest and the whistle blew. The final score, a 3-2 victory for the Blueriver Wardoves.

The match honours went to Albiir Featherdeath of the Wardoves and to Gort Crudhammer of the Meathooks. A nod goes out to the sneaky play of Lockjaw, who becomes the latest orc to adopt the ball-stripping tactics which his teammates exemplify. Additionally, it looks as though the orc T-Boner is the only player this season to record an interception, marking the second consecutive season in which the award will go to a highly unlikely recipient.

And that, sports fiends, is the MMBBL's Chaos Cup Spring season! You know what's coming next, don't you? That's right, the high heat of Summer brings with it the high adrenaline and scorching excitement of the Blood Bowl! With more teams entering the mix, it's sure to be the most electrifying MMBBL season to date! Check back soon for updates on the new squads and more! See you then!