Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Battle with Honour, but not Humanity

It's Magical Mister Mudd, also known as the "Coach Wrangler" here to report with last weekend's exciting challenge match issued by the Brutakai Ragefangs to the Blueriver Wardoves.
As the seats fill, I looked down from my VIP seats with the other officials and notice for the first time a majority of the fans with Ragefang colours. We chuckle from our vantage point seeing some Orc fans react to the bittersweet sight of non-orc Ragefans (as they've come to be known) with green face paint as well as their jerseys and flags. All that the Brutakai-natives on the pitch really care about, though, is that they had the majority of the fans support in the crowd of 26 thousand.

The coin toss lands in orc favour, and they choose to kick. The pigskin is sent high and lands in the hands of Bendark Mossfang, the Wardoves' star Thrower. He sends a signal to the front lines and the Wardoves slip into the throng of the Ragefang defensive line. The orcs pile on Tsih Killwillow, knowing the Catcher's reputation, but Mossfang makes the pass to Sutlan Spearflower, who sprints down the field for the first touchdown.

The Ragefangs receive next, and their offensive drive starts brutally. While the elves put up their best counterattack, the orcs secure the ball in a tight cage. The Wardoves dance around the edges of the Ragefang formation as they push their muscle-bound green wall forward. Meanwhile, down the field the orc blitzer Xarnak Bloodrage tries to get out into the open. Before he is able, the Wardoves make a desperate play, knocking the cage inwards on itself and sending the ball popping out into the air. Mossfang is there in a flash and hurtles it to Spearflower for the second Wardoves touchdown.

At this point I am unable to see the field. It seems that within the stands the tensions between the orc fans and the green-painted non-orcs have been arguing. Clearly the orcs were offended, but the painted non-orcs were staunch in their right to "properly show their love for the team" and before you know it, we have a riot on our hands. It's an action-packed fight, let me tell you, but the ref leaves the clock running while he goes to sort out the chaos and by the time things have settled down, the half is nearly over! Only a few blocks get thrown before the whistle signals halftime.

Down two to nothing, the Brutakai Ragefangs receive at the start of the 2nd half. Thrower Krak Toothsnapper tries to quickly gain possession of the ball, but trips and upsets their offensive drive. With that, the Wardoves slip into orc territory, forcing them to backpedal to form a defense around the ball. More elves and orcs move into place, and it becomes a brawl, both sides dishing out the hurt. Somehow during the chaos, the ball is sent into the crowd. A helpful fan throws it back in and it hot potatoes around the brawl until finally landing into a greenskin hand. Good ol' Bendyrm Cloudrender runs in to try to get at the ball, held by Rigor Stonestomper and gets it right down his throat. He lays still on the field, though eventually the Apothecary patches him up just fine, saving him a potentially career-ending injury.

Down the field Raziek Bloodrage finally gets the upper hand against the elf defense, and is able to move freely. Given that opportunity he kicks at the fallen form of Mlalyn Firefawn, but the referee sees him plainly and sends the blitzer off for the remainder of the game. The Wardoves manage to get the ball out from the brawl; Stryth Leafmauler picks it up and tries tossing it downfield to Tanthil Twigbreaker's waiting hands, but misses by a mile! Tsih makes a 'tsk tsk' noise, sighs and shows the lineman how it's done, lobbing the pass himself to Twigbreaker, allowing the elf to give the Wardoves their third touchdown of the game!

The kick is received by the Ragefangs again, and while it's in the air some superstitious fans decides to chuck rocks at both teams' #3 players (Twigbreaker and Stonestomper), stunning them both. Holo Axegut, orc thrower, picks up the ball, but it seems the fan that threw it back in had left some greasy smears on it and it falls at his feet when he tries to throw it to Xarnak Bloodrage. Quickly, he picks it up again, wipes it on his tunic and lobs it into Mr.Bloodrage's waiting hands. The Ragefangs' play goes smoothly, but the Wardoves form a wall around the advancing orcs, costing them their last chance at a touchdown. Hoping to join the defensive line, Sutlan Spearflower turns on the speed and suddenly trips on a discarded ale bottle and takes a headfirst dive onto the pitch with a wet crack! The officials run to the still form of the catcher that had done so much for the Wardoves this game, and as they turn him over, it is apparent that he is dead. He had landed on a spiked plate that must have fallen off of an orc at some point. and the pointy end went into the part he needs to breathe with. The female fans (and some males) cry freely and without shame as the last half comes to a close, violence dished out on all sides.

A bittersweet victory for the Blueriver Wardoves, three to nothing. Much thanks to Sir Spearflower, who is largely to blame for the win. Tsih promises to the press that he'll take it upon himself to console the many women that were in love with Sutlan, and offers them all the keys to his penthouse suite. He goes on to show off his new acrobatic catching technique as he slides in to catch a feinting elven maiden after throwing her a wink. The Ragefangs, despite their loss, bow honorably to their opponents before taking their leave.

MVPs for the match were Xarnak Bloodrage for the orcs, for always being there to assist a block, and Albiir Featherdeath of the elves, for his usual exemplary performance as the team's star blitzer. I think it's becoming clear that Fhorin Bloodmeadow is a bit jealous of his partner in blitzing's prowess, but we'll see if that rivalry is healthy or not. Also to note is Rigor Stonestomper, who got the rock in the noggin earlier, found that superstitious fan and proved that he's not going to be knocked down so easily in the future. The #3 player for the elves, Tanthil Twigbreaker, had similar sentiments, but showed it by getting a whole new set of armour that will shine in the sun in their upcoming game against the skaven speedsters: the Bilgerunners. See you there folks!

Edit: This just in! I was just informed that the Blueriver Wardoves have already replaced their fallen Catcher. Please welcome Angruil Grimmrose to the High Elven roster! Will he be able to replace the late Spearflower, or will he forever live in the shadow to star player Tsih Killwillow, much like Bloodmeadow seems to have fallen far behind Featherdeath? As the drama unfolds, keep a close watch on the next match folks!

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