Elves and Dwarves Continue Rivalry, Skaven Get Officially Welcomed

The Blood Bowl season is finally upon us! Tuesday evening saw the first kickoff of the Summer, as well as several other firsts for this young season. The games on tap were a rematch of last season's intense battle between the Blueriver Wardoves and the Smash and Go'nads, as well as the Blackwater Bilgerunners' first league match, an imposing bout with the biggest heap of trouble this side of anywhere, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters.

Both the dwarves and the elves came into tonight's match with plenty to prove. Their previous encounter led to a 2-2 draw, and most players took home a sour taste in their mouths. Each had the same goal; to surpass the other and claim dominance. What would be the outcome? Beards or blossoms?

The weather was sunny and mild as the Wardoves lined up to kick to the Go'nads, cheerful and looking forward to start the game. Just as the kick was made, the elves revealed their true intentions, and caught the offense flat-footed. The blitz was on, and the Wardoves' catchers made a break for the ball. The dwarves were quick to catchup, however, and Dick Gozinia leaped helmet-first into Sutlan Spearflower, knocking out the elf before he could get a handle on the ball. Never a team to leave any question as to their ability to maul the opposition, the dwarf squad followed up with more pain. Eric Shun, previously wounded in a match last season, must have had something to prove, because he was on fire tonight. First on his list was Wardoves' lineman Mlalyn Firefawn, whom he laid out with a serious concussion. The elf medics earned their keep and fixed him up right as rain, however.

After Dick Gozinia had recovered the ball for the Go'nads, it was quickly knocked loose in the growing pile of bodies. Adam Meway nearly emerged from the heap with the prize, but was soon dragged back in. To make it out of there with the ball was going to require superhuman skill. Who better to make an attempt than Tsih Killwillow, then? The nimble heartthrob dashed his way into the mess of coverage and sure enough, emerged with the football. retreating from the maze of bodies, Killwillow handed the ball off to Albiir Featherdeath. Unfortunately, Featherdeath was too busy trying to figure out how Tish had managed to get the ball to actually complete the play, and the hard-earned ball bounced clear on his error. Seizing the opportunity and extracting himself from the pile, dwarf runner Adam Meway got hold of the ball and booked it down the field to open the scoring, leaving the elf crowd speechless and the dwarf crowd in ecstatic, alcohol-fueled chaos.

Not prepared to let the game get away from them, and on the backs of hairy, dirty people no less, the Wardoves set about their next drive with a mechanical grace. With blocks in place and the ball kicked into play, Bendark Mossfang marshaled his forces like a true gridiron general, setting up a perfect pass to Sutlan Spearflower. A quick shift here, a nimble dodge there, and the catcher was in the end zone, spiking the ball into the turf emphatically to get the elf fans back into the game. The whistle blew, and going into halftime the score was locked at one.

The second half started with the Blueriver Wardoves looking to keep up the momentum from their late touchdown. Plans often go awry in the game of Blood Bowl, however, and what on another day might have been an easily caught pass from Bendark Mossfang to Tsih Killwillow was instead bobbled, dropping into the hands of Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads. To make matters worse, Eric Shun wasn't done with his beating spree, and the dwarf lineman positively leveled Albiir Featherdeath, using the limber elf blitzer's back as a makeshift springboard. There are not many ways to deal with an airborne dwarf. Venspar Pondrazor learned this the hard way. When Shun landed on the elf lineman, the wet crunch of collapsing vertebrae was practically deafening. to make matters worse, the surly dwarf, in an effort to prop himself up, mashed his fists against Pondrazor's neck and crotch simultaneously, effectively castrating and asphyxiating the elf at the same time. There was a brief recess as what was left of Venspar was removed by a goblin spatula squad. For those who lost count, that's THREE casualties for one dwarf in one game. This Eric Shun is one to watch, folks.

Time was winding down, and while the body count was growing, the Go'nads needed points if they wanted to hurt the elves' pride as well as their players. Dick Gozinia, set upon by desperate elf blockers, dumped the ball off to Moe Lester, only to watch as the wind caught his soft pass and blew the ball directly back to him. The charging elves brought him down, and Bendark Mossfang lined up another pass to get the ball downfield in a hurry. Perhaps too much of a hurry, as the pass failed utterly and once again, a pile-up surrounded the ball. Time ticked away, and though Gil T. Azell managed to dispose of an elf receiver by putting him into the bleachers and recover the ball, the dwarves could manage no more than a half-hearted pass before time ran out. Once again, the Smash and Go'nads and Blueriver Wardoves played to a draw of 1 to 1. No satisfaction, no victor.

MVPs of the match were Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads, and Bendyrm Cloudrender of the Blueriver Wardoves, who threw key blocks for the elf squad. With a great deal of uproar from the dwarf fanbase, Eric Shun was also given a nod for setting a new precedent in the injury department, with his three consecutive casualties catapulting him to the top of the power rankings for this season. Meanwhile, a modest funeral was held for the departed Venspar Pondrazor, and the aforementioned lineman Cloudrender vowed to uphold his teammate's memory by adapting his play style.

In our second match of the evening, the new met the old as the upstart skaven of the Blackwater Bilgerunners met the grizzled and misshapen veterans of the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. The Dirt Bursters, fresh (we use the term lightly) from their domination of the Chaos Cup tournament, brought with them a legion of fans and a roster of the most impressive corpses ever to play the game. The Bilgerunners brought bagged lunches and their next of kin. Showing up of his own accord was the Rat Ogre Headsplitter, who by all accounts had been selling hot dogs outside the stadium until a team he could sign with showed up.

Though the weather was pleasant, the participants were anything but. Somewhere along the line of scrimmage, words were exchanged and the first kickoff began with a broken play. The officials were fortunate not to have to worry about how much time had passed, and the clock was simply set to zero and the drive started anyway, with the undead set to receive. The Dirt Bursters, not perceiving the skaven as a true threat, decided to field zombie Tinny in favour of the more skilled Stumps O'Boggy. Tinny's enthusiasm may have dimmed his focus slightly, however, as his first block thrown against the line rat Gimpy resulted in the zombie being carted off and sidelined for the rest of the match. The small crowd of Bilgerunners fans were elated that they were remarkably not the first team to be down a player. Lost in the confusion was the mighty Headsplitter, who was dispatched with relative ease by the Dirt Bursters' mummies, and spent most of the rest of the match face down in the infirmary.

With a burst of momentum, the skaven burst past the undead line and made a bee line for the ball, racing to beat Ol' Teabagger to the play. It's hard to outrun the wily Teabagger, however, and the ghoul got the ball out of danger. Attempting to hand the football off to newcomer Bahnaynay (recently signed to replace the crippled Dug Nobs) proved to be a problem though. The young ghoul appeared starstruck as the O.T.B. bore down on him, and the ball thankfully bounced back into the veteran's possession. Of course, there were still a half-dozen frenzied rat men charging at him, and the blitzer Brutus managed to knock Ol' Teabagger over. The ball was recovered by gutter runner Dingleberry, who nearly scored were it not for a surge of defensive effort by the O.T.B. followed by his dash to the safety of his comrades' coverage.

The moans from the stands echoed what the Dirt Bursters' coaches were telling them; the skaven were laying down heaps of pressure coverage and the undead were buying it and running. To turn things around, a more brutal approach was needed, and the ghoul Chompsalot spearheaded this initiative by breaking Dingleberry's collarbone. The Bilgerunners' medical crew were sharp though, and sharp enough to repair the damage completely. In response, Gimpy continued his unlikely streak of violence by knocking out Ned Gummers. It seemed not even the elite of the league are safe from the furry fury of the skaven, and Ol' Teabagger made sure to keep the game in control by running into the end zone at the nearest opportunity. The score was one-nil for the Dirt Bursters, but the crowd was in a state of confusion given the amount of trouble the wily rat men caused.

The Bilgerunners had a brief chance to equalize before halftime, but a misstep by gutter runner Piddlepaw ended that hope. To close out the half, Ol' Teabagger tossed a pass to his fellow ghoul Bahnaynay, giving the younger player a chance to redeem himself. The pass was good, but time had worn down and the teams went back to the locker rooms for the halftime intermission.

When the time came to take the field again, the Bilgerunners arrived with steely resolve. They'd heard about other teams entering this league and being torn limb from limb. The only tearing going on right then, though, was to be that of gutter runners tearing down the sidelines. The ball was quickly snatched up off the kick by Dingleberry, and the spindly skaven dashed madly downfield, flanked by a handful of his teammates. The undead pressed to defend, but simply could not counter that much speed, and Dingleberry cruised into the end zone, rewarded by his fans with a cascade of assorted cheeses.

On the following kickoff, the ball sailed out of play, and in a bizarre and unsettling turn of events, the touchback was awarded to big number thirteen, Magut of the Dirt Bursters. Lumbering slowly down the field, this was obviously a bid by the undead to control the pace of the game once more. Helping the cause was the Dirt Bursters' first fan favourite, the hard-working Lanks McBreak, who very nearly killed Squeesplat the linerat. Squeesplat survived the ordeal after the med staff looked after him, but will still be taking an extra week to recover.

Where the rats were failing to stop the towering Magut, a more deliberate approach seemed to be warranted. Posing as a humble peanut vendor in the upper bowl of the stadium, a suspicious pointy-hatted figure leaned over the guardrail and unleashed fiery doom onto the players below. The fireball landed squarely on target, and knocked Magut down to roll about, beating out the flames. No one yelled at that particular peanut vendor for the rest of the evening. In an effort to capitalize on the drop, gutter runner Twinkletoes made his move to grab the ball, but nearly bit the dust instead when his foot got caught in the struggling Magut's wrappings. The misstep proved costly and the skaven was removed from the pitch on a stretcher with what is being described as an acute, chronic leg injury. This will likely affect his overall stamina and survivability in future matches.

Now, the scramble for the winning point was truly on. Skaven blitzer Jenner was pushed out of bounds by Chompsalot the Ghoul. In response, Headsplitter made himself useful and knocked out Bahnaynay. Struggling to keep pace with the more experienced undead squad, the skaven simply could not muster enough, and at last No Guts Bob scrambled out of the throng to drive home the second Dirt Bursters touchdown. The Bilgerunners didn't have much time if they wanted to take this to a tie.

The last kickoff was very favourable for the skaven, landing only a few feet from fleet-footed gutter runner Piddlepaw, who then scooped it up and ran a passing play to his teammate Dingleberry. Sprinting across midfield with the goal line in sight, Dingleberry needed only to hope that his fellow skaven would provide adequate coverage for his run. Unfortunately, the coverage at the line of scrimmage gummed up the much-needed interference, and Dingleberry was unceremoniously tossed into the crowd by Chompsalot. With little hope of success, it fell to linerat Krunch to try for the unlikely recovery and score. The undead choked off his only avenue of attack, however, and Krunch made good on his name, landing with a whimper and requiring assistance to leave the field. Hope ran out for the skaven, and the Dirt Bursters survived what proved to be an unexpected challenge. The final tally was 2-1 in favour of the Dusk Hill crew.

The match MVP awards went to Lez White of the Dirt Bursters, and to Stumptail of the Bilgerunners. Despite their defeat, the skaven squad showed great skill and remarkable resolve. No one said it would be easy to cut it in this league, and they may have just weathered their greatest challenge tonight.

Join us next week for the first games out of the Bloodbath division, as the Meathooks host the enigmatic Bloodsand Blasters, and the belligerent Traumatic Takedown squares off against the Brutakai Ragefangs! Keep an eye out for challenge matches as well!