Norse Storm into the Bog

More than 27,000 fans watched the Darkmire Carnosaurs take on the Asgard Raiders at the Bog this past Tuesday, and while many of them had bundled up for the uncharacteristic blizzard conditions that were prevailing, the start of the game saw the snow and wind pass on down the coast, leaving a clear, if chilly sky above the stadium.

The norsemen won the coin toss and set their offense to receive the first kickoff. What they weren't counting on was that the Carnosaurs wanted the ball even more than they did. Off like a shot on the blitz, Reedrush retrieved the ball and slinked in behind several saurus for protection. The Raiders crashed on them like surf on the shore, and soon enough Reedrush emerged from the wall of reptiles to scramble in for a quick touchdown.

As the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." The Raiders were far more watchful on their next drive. Egor Longrow was first to field the ball as his teammates brought their collective strength to bear against a line of powerful saurus. waiting for an opening, Longrow found his target downfield and Kari Quickstride made certain of the catch. Several skinks went after Quickstride, but the wily runner had no trouble escaping their coverage, and just like that the game was tied at one.

Not being fooled again simply wasn't enough for the Raiders. On the ensuing kickoff, it was their turn to catch the Carnosaurs' offense flat-footed, as they stormed over midfield and practically hurled themselves at the freshly-kicked football. A mess of bodies both reptilian and mammalian followed, with Reedrush the skink eventually emerging with the prize. Clearing a path for his smaller teammate was Threehorns, who seriously mashed lineman Tyr Warriov, leaving it to the apothecaries to patch the mangled man back together. With time too short for another touchdown before half, Reedrush simply lobbed a pass to teammate Mudrunner to pad his stats a bit.

After the break, with the lizardmen receiving, the ball came to Windwhip, who fell in behind his line of massive saurus and the mighty kroxigor known as Grimjaw the Wise. The Carnosaurs churned through sections of the Norse line like so much butter, but was stripped of the ball by a desperate lineman's long reach. Egor Longrow once again got his hands on the ball and found one of his team's hired journeymen in the open. The man known simply as number six charged past any likely defenders in the Carnosaurs' backfield, and put the Raiders on top with their second score of the match.

The Raiders' kick was high on the next kickoff, and Reedrush fielded it well, hoping to get a jump on the defense and pull his team even on the scoreboard. Again, the mighty Threehorns took it upon himself to clear the way, running over lineman Sigfinn Runwald who would not return for the remainder of the game. The lizardmen made their push, but in the crush of bodies, Reedrush was taken down with injuries that will sideline him for a week at least. Egor Longrow found the lost ball and lobbed it downfield, away from everyone, and as it bounced, forgotten, on the pitch, the final whistle sounded the 2-1 victory for the Asgard Raiders.

Match MVPs were Egor Longrow of the Raiders, whose unshakable resolve led his team to the win, and Wildfang of the Carnosaurs, who made his presence well known on the line all day.

As the playoffs approach, we begin to see who the contenders are, who the pretenders are, and who the return-to-senders are as well. There are still challenge matches yet to be played, though, so don't go thinking there won't be a few surprises!

Challenge Match Makes for Grappling in the Gravel

Greetings, sportsfiends! We've got more MMBBL action for you right now, with a special report out of Fjord Stadium from skaven correspondent Bryag Mudrake.



It’s challenge match day at Fjord Stadium, where the Smash and Gonads have invited the Blackwater Bilgerunners for another pulse-pounding match! The field of combat was as firm and unyielding as always, as the two teams faced off to the joy of 27,000 screaming fans. Sponsored by Bloodweiser, the extravagant beer tent must have drawn away some of the dwarves, giving a slight edge in the stands to the skaven crew.

The sun was dazzling in the cloudless sky as the Go'nads put the boot to the ball, giving Fivel Mausketrap time to get underneath it and make the catch. Beatings began on the front line as the Bilgerunners proceeded to punch a hole in the dwarven defenses. Fivel, used to the dim light of the sewers, must have caught an eye full of sunlight as he tossed the ball, missing Dingleberry and giving the dwarves a chance to get some safeties around the ball. Running-red-faced for the bobbled catch, Fivel scooped up the ball to the jeering of fans and handed it off to Dingleberry, who was off for the end-zone in a flash, with the other two gutter runners flanking.

Trying to tie up the defenders at midfield, Stumptail came down hard on Moe Lester, who was dragged off the field, and sat out the rest of the game with a very large keg of complementary Bloodweiser Red for company. Adam Meway and Dick Gozinia did their level best to strip away the defending gutter runners, but a good leap by Dingleberry put the score at 1-0 for the Bilgerunners.

Either thrilled by the touchdown or driven into a frenzy from the blood and free booze, the Skaven poured into the quarry, followed quickly by the dwarves. The brutal brawl left most of the dwarven team stunned, including both Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, and almost all the skaven team standing. As the dwarven team chased the rowdy fans off the pitch, the skaven defenders were quickly sprinting downfield, to try and recover the ball before the dwarven runners could get on their feet. Meway, staggering to his feet, beat them to the ball. As a squad of blockers dragged O’Rattigan down at midfield, Meway lobbed off a pass to Dick Gozinia just as he was taken down by the Blackwater linerats.

Running for the safety of the midfield line, Gozinia caught a glimpse of an enraged O’Rattigan rearing up and staggering towards him, swinging madly. The tidal wave of rage crashed onto the immobile shores of dwarven defense however, allowing Gozinia time to get into strong coverage. With time running out, Stumptail tried to rush the runner, but was tackled by Achilles Punks, allowing Dick Gozinia to put a knot in the game in the last seconds of the first half.

As the second half begun, the chug and whistle of dwarven machinery heralded the arrival of Cludge Slamboni and his deathroller of doom. It also resulted in the completely predictable riot at the Bilgerunner coaching staff, team, and fans screamed for the infernal engines removal. The clock continued to tick down as the teams shouted, finally settling with a kick to the Go’nads well into the second half. The Mid-field massacre was predictable, with stunned rats lying in the wake of the massive machine. Less predictable was Twistknee smashing Herb Eaverstinks leaving him lying unsettlingly still on the field. He was quickly dragged back to the infirmary where, after much work, he was pronounced as being alive, but in critical need of large amounts of alcohol. He will be spending the next game recovering from his injuries, and possible hangovers.

To make matters worse, the skaven at midfield managed to get a good shot at Dick Gozinia as he reached the halfway point, but this time, the panicked toss missed its mark, and the ball fell free, just behind the dwarven line. The skaven made a strong attempt to recover, with Fivel running downfield to attempt to receive, and Krunch making a play for the ball. Krunch fumbled the pickup through, allowing the dwarves to smash their way back into possession, as Adam Meway grabbed the ball, and was surrounded by his angry teammates. Krunch was unceremoniously shoved into the beer tent at mid-field by Stu Padasso, where the angry fans promptly beat him severely. He will be missing the next game.

The skaven had managed to tie the dwarves up at midfield as the clock ran down, and it was now obvious to the Go’nads that there was no time to manage a winning touchdown. This certainly didn’t stop them from trying to smash their way through, however, as Achilles Punks wounded Squeesplat severely, Holden McGroin bludgeoned Notchear, and Gil T. Azell smashed Brutus for another significant injury. With time running out, Jenner tried one last chance to get the ball away from the dwarven defenses, but was tackled by Achilles in the final moments, ending the game.

Match MVPs went to Storm vermin Brutus, and Dwarf Blocker Achilles Punks, apparently for the participation in the “Injury of the week” highlight play of the game.



Thanks for that report, Bryag! Check back again soon, fans, for more MMBBL action!

Duel in the Drainpipe

The second of two challenge matches this weekend saw the Fly-By Knights answer the challenge put forth by the Blackwater Bilgerunners. These two well-rounded and experienced squads did battle in the Tidybowl to the delight of nearly twenty-five thousand fans.

Having won the coin toss, the Skaven would receive to open the game. Both teams were given inspiring speeches from their coaches before taking the field, and the resolve in the eyes of both man and mouse reflected their determination. When the kick from the Knights sailed out of bounds, the ball went to Fivel Mausketrap, quarterback and team captain of the Bilgerunners. Starting their advance with sound blocking, linerat Stumptail knocked out Knights' captain Karl Von Uberstamp. Taking immediate advantage of the momentum this caused, Mausketrap threw a pass to the nimble Dingleberry. The Knights worked to settle the score in terms of numbers as Barglesnart Livingstone sent Stumptail off for a brief nap, and Wamsley Wedgeworth, playing in the secondary, threw a block on Dingleberry. The hit succeeded, and the ball flew free, but Wedgeworth was down as well, and spent the rest of the game asleep. Not more than a few seconds later, O'Rattigan the rat ogre collided with Barglesnart Livingstone and both giants fell to the earth, with O'Rattigan getting the worse of the impact.

Rising from where he fell, Livingstone backhanded Brutus the Skaven blitzer, causing him to fall onto the ball and knock it away. Throwing caution to the wind, Fivel Mausketrap showed his leadership quality by charging into the fray and recovering the ball, then tossing it to a suddenly-open Twinkletoes, who scampered his way to the game's first point.

On the following kickoff, despite a gust of wind carrying the ball further than he'd anticipated, Lance Freely tracked it down and threw a clean pass to receiver Brad Attitûd, who took moved up the middle of the field into protective support. His timing was off as he made his cut to the sideline, however, and Attitûd fell forward, losing the ball. Linerat Krunch pounced on it, and looked to make a desperate pass before getting pummeled by a quartet of Knights linemen. The pass was tipped by Cyrano de Baggagerack, and nearly caught by Victor Dashing. Almost every Knight on the field was in tight against the skaven, but the hard-working Abraham Sandwich got free and got his hands on the prize. Looking for a target of his own, Sandwich saw Stanley Steele streaking down the sideline, and launched the ball his way. Steel made the catch, and was untouched en route to the end zone, tying the score at one apiece.

The Knights' kicking difficulties continued to plague them as their kickoff once again sailed out of bounds. A quick snap on the first play of the drive further confused them, and the Bilgerunners took full advantage of the miscue. Brutus stormed across the line of scrimmage, knocking out a bewildered Cyrano de Baggagerack. With little coverage on his receivers, Fivel Mausketrap calmly lobbed the ball to Dingleberry, who made his bid for the highlight reel by leaping directly over top of Barglesnart Livingstone. Only one other player has even attempted to vault this meaty mound of ogre, and you may recall Ol' Teabagger crashing pelvis-first into his helmet and spinning end over end into the dirt. No such problem for Dingleberry, who landed with ease and was well on his way.

Dingleberry wasn't the only player on his way, which the gutter runner soon discovered. Abraham Sandwich was on the spot once again, landing a solid block on the skaven and sending the ball bouncing away. What followed was another little miracle for the Knights' defense, as rookie lineman Humphrey Bogatyr gathered the ball up, saw that he was mere seconds from being munched by O'Rattigan, and launched a long bomb down the pitch, into the waiting arms of fellow lineman Max Limit. In a flash, Chet Jackweed was downfield as well, lending support to the unlikely receiver. The Bilgerunners weren't far behind, however, and Stumptail made a great tackle to slow the Knights' advance, knocking down Limit and freeing up the ball for Piddlepaw to grab. Piddlepaw couldn't get a handle on it, though, and it came back to Chet Jackweed. Jackweed was nearly in the clear, but as he moved to break away from the skaven, his foot caught in Piddlepaw's cape and he fell to the ground as time ran out in the first half.

The Bilgerunner had put a stop to the Knights' defensive rush, but how would they fare against their offense? As they kicked off, the answer seemed to be "pretty well, actually". Calling for the blitz, the skaven scurried across the line of scrimmage and made a break for the ball. Lance Freely got there first though, and managed a pass under pressure to Brad Attitûd, streaking down the outside on a familiar route. Squeesplat was quick to move into pursuit of the catcher, and Twistknee earned a cheer as he crashed headlong into Chet Jackweed before the blitzer could run to his teammate's aid, mangling the human slightly. Even without the support, Attitûd was able to scramble away from Squeesplat and high-stepped over the goal line to give the Fly-By Knights the lead.

Unshaken by the Knights' touchdown, the Bilgerunners' coaching staff rallied their troops and sent them out on the field with a similar quick-scoring play in mind. The one snag in the pan came as Fivel Mausketrap's pass to Piddlepaw was bobbled and dropped. With humans bearing down on him from all sides, it seemed that Piddlepaw might meet his end - until O'Rattigan showed up, fuming with animal rage and swatting Knights aside as if they were small figurines. With the only breathing down his neck coming from his lumbering teammate, Piddlepaw regained his footing and took the ball quickly down to tie the score at two.

The Knights still had a chance to win, but the clock was running out fast. Their desperation translated to heightened awareness on the line of scrimmage, and the humans were up and moving the ball before the skaven could react. Lance Freely hit Brad Attitûd for his third completion of the day, and his target charged headlong down the field while the Knight line did its best to hold. Their effort in that regard suffered mightily as O'Rattigan's continued frenzy enabled him to plow through Barglesnart Livingstone, knocking the ogre out cold. In light of this change in strength dynamic, the Knights shuffled their playbook a bit, and Brad Attitûd handed off to lineman Abraham Sandwich in order to deflect the rat ogre's wrath to a stronger target. Sandwich took the hits that came, and lost the ball as a result, but remained in the game. Now came another lineman, Solomon Squatz, who found the ball and lobbed it back to Attitûd, who made his cut back inside and hurried down the middle of the pitch, but fell not halfway to his goal. Lance Freely moved in to try to recover the ball, but couldn't hold on amidst half a dozen skaven. The match ended in a draw as Jenner threw a quick pass out to Stumptail, who was too far from the end zone to score in time.

The match MVPs for this 2-2 draw were the hideously disturbing Gurglegasp of the Blackwater Bilgerunners, and catcher Brad Attitûd of the Fly-By Knights. Stanley "Stainless" Steele earns a nod as well, for a remarkable burst of speed in his first half touchdown run. Next for the Bilgerunners is another challenge - this time issued by the Smash and Go'nads. The Knights will host the Pancake Valley Shortstacks at Valor Keepe Stadiumme.

Kiro Still a Hero; Halflings Still at Zero

The Razor Hill Spinebreakers threw down a challenge to the Pancake Valley Shortstacks this weekend, daring the halflings to meet them in their home venue of Dragon Spine Arena. The halflings gleefully accepted, eager to sample the orcish cuisine known as "knuckle sandwiches". Either someone never told them what that means, or there were going to be some orcs with very sore hands.

The crowd was nearly evenly split by numbers, but the orc fans out-massed the halfling supporters by at least three or four times. Kicking off first, the halflings' lazy, high kick was fielded easily by Kiro Stormaxe, who set off immediately down the field. Orc strategy would depend largely on avoiding the Shortstacks' two enormous treemen. Brakgul Bloodsnarl missed that memo apparently, and simply took it upon himself to knock one of them over. Mr. Tree hit the dirt with a thunderous crash, but was unharmed. The pitch, however, had been given a sizable groove. Barkley Hobbittosser, the other massive treeman, responded with his usual wooden displeasure, slapping Spinebreakers' troll Zor Loneblow to the ground.

The Shortstacks, battle-ready but not completely foolhardy, drew themselves back, dodging nimbly away from the onrushing orcs, playing their style of zone defense to compensate for their small stature. Kiro Stormaxe saw the opening this created, but it was part of the plan for the halflings. No sooner than had Stormaxe made his cut out to the sideline, Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat came rolling through (no, seriously, he was not running) and shoved Stormaxe down under his ominous rolls. The ball squirted free into the crowd, and was nearly grabbed up by Pimpley Backfat.

Kiro Stormaxe, having shoved the bulbous Fat Fat aside, regained his footing and hunted for the loose ball. unable to pick it up cleanly, it bounced through the melee until blitzer Galthuk Battlewail managed to get ahold of it. In defense, Barkley Hobbittosser hurled an unsuspecting Jiff Jellyroll into coverage to stop him, but the halfling landed unconscious and was merely a speed bump on Battlewail's journey. Meanwhile, the path stayed relatively clear as the orc blockers, led by Kolark Bonefist, kept Mr. Tree on his stump indefinitely. Godan Rockmaul joined Kiro Stormaxe in blazing a path, and Galthuk Battlewail followed them up, joining his fellow blitzers in the end zone for a bit of a dance. The crowd went wild as the Orky Shuffle was born.

On defense now, the orcs kept to their game plan. The halflings looked for their quick tossing play to earn them a tying score, but when Mr. Tree lobbed Fatty Fat Fat skyward, the rotund fellow landed with as much grace as an ogre belly-flopping into a slaughterhouse. Zor Loneblow crashed once more into Mr. Tree, and both giants fell to the ground, though the treeman got the worst of it. as time ticked away, the Spinebreakers made every attempt to make life miserable for every halfling within arm's reach. Soran Steelfury brought his elbow down on Cam Sizzlespam, leaving him mangled and in need of some serious recuperation time.

With he ball unguarded, Gan'rul Bloodeye made his grab for it, but upon picking a target, bobbled the ball before he could get it away. In a last-ditch effort, Hobbittosser hurled the closest halfling available, Cream Sugarfoot, towards the ball, but the halfling stumbled trying to reach it. Time expired in the first half and the Razor Hill Spinebreakers held the lead going into the second half.

The halflings seemed all business upon their return to the field of play, but even their steely gazes earned them scorn from the loud, rowdy orc fans. To make matters worse, once the kick was put into play by the Spinebreakers, Douche Baggins was clocked with a well-placed stone from somewhere in the crowd. This angered the mighty Hobbittosser, and his first course of action was to knock out Brakgul Bloodsnarl with a swat of his massive arm that sent the blocker hurtling directly into the infirmary to sleep it off. In the confusion, Douche Baggins had managed to right himself and made a run for the end zone with the ball. Soran Steelfury was on him in a heartbeat, however, and Baggins was clobbered soundly, needing to be dragged off by the coaching staff.

Barkley Hobbittosser seemed content to keep up his strategy of hurling halflings headlong into harm's way, but his sweaty, terrified teammates quickly became too slippery to get a good grip on. Tumbling from his grip as if they had been secreting butter from every pore, Hobbittosser had to look for drier projectiles or simply resort to smashing things first-hand. Halfling #7, Dip Deadweight, got ahold of the football, but was laid out by the big fist of Godan Rockmaul, who retrieved the ball and started downfield. The hits kept coming as Borgosh Hellrage joined the charge, putting Cream Sugarfoot on his backside and doing his bes to keep pace with Steelfury, who knocked out Tub Trollfodder and kept going.

Finally, Hobbittosser was able to get a grip on a halfling, and hurled a dazed Flapjack Porkbelly into coverage. Desperately needing a stop, Sloth Lovechunk dashed in, vaulted over his fallen comrade, and punched Soran Steelfury square in the nose! Steelfury lost his grip on the ball, and Lovechunk gathered it up and pitched it as far downfield as he could. There waiting, however, was Gan'rul Bloodeye. After bobbling the ball yet again, it seemed there might be a chance for the halflings, but Dip Deadweight, on whom all hope was riding, tripped over the foot of the orc he was escaping from and fell head-first onto a discarded armour spike, reducing him to brain-kabobs. Finally getting his act together, and perhaps inspired by this recent gruesome development, Bloodeye tossed the ball to Kiro Stormaxe in the open, and Stormaxe ran unhindered into the end zone just as time expired. The final score - two to nothing for the Razor Hill Spinebreakers.

The match MVP awards for this game went to Cream Sugarfoot of the Shortstacks, and Soran Steelfury of the Spinebreakers, who played very strongly, keeping the opponent at a distance while running through coverage. Also notable were fellow blitzers Godan Rockmaul and Galthuk Battlewail, who were twin pinnacles of defense throughout the match. With role models like Beef Bigaxe and Raziek Bloodrage to look up to, is it any wonder that these orcs are rushing headlong towards greatness?

Raiders Rejoice in the Rain

With the valkyries finally cleared out of Midgard Battlefield, the Asgard Raiders were finally able to host their match against the Traumatic Takedown. As one distraction left, however, another took its place, as the rain poured down in buckets as the squads took the field before over 24 thousand die-hard fans, mostly Norsemen and mostly drunk. The raiders won the opening coin toss, and chose to receive the ball first.

A high kick gave Asgard Raiders quarterback Egor Longrow plenty of time to get under it, but the rain foiled his attempt to field the ball cleanly. Still, he retrieved the ball from where it lay and advanced into the quickly-developing melee along the line of scrimmage. While the mobile quarterback option is somewhat anomalous in the MMBBL's ranks of throwers, few teams execute the strategy better than the stubborn Norse. With steady blocking from the linemen, Longrow pushed his way past the press of bodies and scored the first touchdown of the game on foot.

The Traumatic Takedown were eager to respond on their first possession, though their impressions came more frequently in the one-on-one blocking battles than on the scoreboard. As the sturdy chaos dwarf line paved the way for ball carrier Charlie Horse, Buster Kneecaps laid a brutal hit on runner Ymir Keldsvide, nearly killing him. The Raiders' medical staff retrieved and repaired the fallen warrior, though with significant damage to his spinal column. The crowd heaved a collective sigh of relief, as no valkyries would be needed to spirit away the mangled man.

Charlie Horse seemed home free at that point, galloping madly towards the end zone. Unfortunately, the fields of Midgard Battlefield are very often littered with slippery frost, and the centaur found such a patch, sending him crashing to the earth merely a yard and a half from his goal. To his dismay, the whistle sounded before he could right himself, and halftime saw the Raiders take a 1-0 lead to the locker room.

Upon the return to the field and the Takedown getting another crack at breaking the goose egg, they quickly set about breaking other things as well. Dead Leg charged at Tyr Warriov, picking the Norseman up in a headlock and dragging him several yards before dropping him and trampling him soundly. Though not permanently disfigured or maimed, the dizzy, bruised Warriov could only stagger to the sidelines and collapse on the refreshment table.

With the personnel advantage renewed for the chaos dwarf squad, Charlie Horse yet again made strides up the pitch. Once again he was nearly untouchable. Once again the goal was in his grasp. Once again...he upended himself on a patch of ice. There was still plenty of time on the clock however, and Horse ignored the catcalls and laughter from the Norse fans, picking himself up slowly and walking into the end zone to claim the ball and the tying point.

The Raiders received the ball once more, and set about their usual grinding ground assault. This time, runner Kari Quickstride was the carrier, shooting up the gut with linemen holding positions and shoving dwarves and hobgoblins aside. Several of the linemen, seemingly possessed with rage or perhaps simply off their medication, assaulted the Takedown's centaurs and even knocked over the mighty minotaur, M. Spazm. With the defense dwindling, Kari Quickstride picked his path and pumped his legs until there was nothing but open air between him and the end zone. Smashing the football to the earth and hurling himself into the fans, Quickstride had won the game for his Norsemen in the dying seconds.

The MVPs for this 2-1 Raiders victory were Egor Longrow, for his precision play, and Busitis "Bruce" Olecranon, who was a tough guy to get ahold of for the entire affair. both teams will have a short rest before playing again this week, back on their regular schedules. The Takedown host the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, while the Raiders will visit the Bog to play the Darkmire Carnosaurs.

Wardoves Double Up on Bilgerunners

The third game from Deathdealer Division's week 4 action saw two of the most dynamic, speedy and above-all, high scoring offenses in the MMBBL go head to head. The Bilgerunners brought their craftiest, sneakiest efforts, while the Wardoves, playing for their hometown crowd at the Battlefield of Good Sport, brought their style, their swagger, and their very best smiles.

From the outset, "homefield advantage" was out the window, as the stands became packed with traveling skaven supporters. Undeterred, the elves practiced with their usual grace and vigour - until Valandil Dreadlily mistook Notchear's tail for a jumprope. A brief scuffle ensued, and nearly escalated when O'Rattigan became involved, but the officials were quick enough to intercede and the game started on schedule.

Set to receive, the Wardoves were looking for an easy first score, but weren't about to get it. No sooner than the ball was in play, skaven blitzer Jenner was on top of Bendyrm Cloudrender, throttling the line elf mercilessly. Cloudrender survived, but a severely bruised larynx left him unable to properly communicate with his teammates, and he will miss a game as a result of the injury. Jenner's burst of violence spurred a cascade of confusion along the elf line, however, and after a plunge deep into Wardove territory, the hulking O'Rattigan found himself holding onto the ball. Not about to let something so nasty looking anywhere near their end zone, the elves ganged up on him fiercely and the ball squirted free. With a flick of his wrist, Tish Killwillow sent the ball to fellow catcher Angruil Grimmrose, and the latter ran off like a shot to score the match's first point.

Set to receive now, the Bilgerunners would look to prove that they can be just as fast, just as quick, and just as offensively potent as their opponents. With a gust of wind taking the football for a ride, Fivel Mausketrap nonetheless fielded it well and set his offense in motion. Passing to the devastatingly dodgey Dingleberry, Mausketrap called his other players' numbers to assist the gutter runner in his quest. With several solid blocks from the skaven crew and some fancy footwork from Dingleberry, the Blackwater Bilgerunners quickly tied the score at one.

No sooner than the next kickoff was ready to go, yet another scuffle broke out among the two teams. Apparently Dingleberry had failed to use the hand sanitizers after his touchdown run, and was not very receptive to the criticism from his opponents, to the point where once again, the referees stepped in, winding the clock back to cover precious minutes lost in the altercation. When play resumed and the elves received the ball, they made no mistake in their effort to reestablish the lead as well as in their collective desire to not be touched by the skaven players. Bendark Mossfang, emerging as a favourite for the Silver Elbow this season, passed expertly to Tsih Killwillow, who selflessly handed off to Angruil Grimmrose. Grimmrose danced through the defense and was into the end zone for his second touchdown of the game.

Little time remained in the first half, and the Bilgerunners had little time to make a play before the halftime whistle. Still, with a high kick by the elves, they managed a mass from Mausketrap to Dingleberry. The whistle blew, and any hopes of touchdowns by either team were suspended until play resumed.

The Blueriver Wardoves kicked off to start the second half, but the play was a fakeout from the start - blitzing elves crashed through the skaven line as soon as the ball was over midfield! There's not a whole lot that can be said about this play, but that's only because it worked as designed - to take everyone by complete surprise. While the word "kickoff" was still on reporters' lips, Angruil Grimmrose was over half, through the backfield, and scooping up the football, scoring a touchdown faster than most people can spell the word. Now up 3-1, the Wardoves could play with a decent level of comfort.

Down but not out, the Bilgerunners were faced with adversity, but were looking for the opportunity within. A change in the weather, bringing out a harsh, piercing ray of sunshine, didn't help their plans. While the skaven suffered with the sun in their eyes, the Wardoves had nothing but shade from their end of the field, and exploited this with another defensive rush. Bendark Mossfang advanced with his fellows past midfield, and after the elves essentially took the ball from the skaven offense, passed it to Tsih Killwillow who got his first touchdown of the game. Killwillow may be the bigger name on the billboard, but Angruil Grimmrose proved that he's just as valuable to the team dynamic with his three scores tonight.

With the game getting out of reach, the skaven once again let frustration get the better of them. Reports from the sidelines mention a few snide comments about cutting off tails so they wouldn't be tripping over them. This time, the officials let the players go at it for a little while, hoping that it would get out of their systems and that the game could then continue at last. The skaven did manage to convey their frustration more constructively this time. The ball came to Piddlepaw, who lobbed a pass down to Twinkletoes, and with that the rats made their great push for the end zone. There was biting. There was kicking. There was screaming, hair-pulling and name calling. In the end, as the dust settled, Brutus the skaven blitzer stood in the end zone, ball in hand, missing a tooth or three, but seemingly vindicated. There wasn't enough time left for any real scoring play to ensue, and the elves let the clock run out with a casual passing play from Mossfang to Grimmrose before the whistle. After the most riotous game in MMBBL history, the Blueriver Wardoves emerged victorious by a score of 4-2.

Match MVP honours were presented to Dellin Finchtalon of the Wardoves for his exceptional blocking prowess, and to the many-limbed Dingleberry, who displayed a remarkable vertical leap on his touchdown run. Similarly noticeable was Angruil Grimmrose, who vaulted over defenders like a stunt cyclist jumping manure wagons at an Autumn fair.

That's the news out of Deathdealer Division of week four of the Spike! Magazine tournament, sportsfiends! Look for more action this weekend as the Traumatic takedown and Asgard Raiders play their makeup match, and one or more challenge matches get underway as well!

High Adrenaline and Low Scores

Week 4 MMBBL action continues with the report from Deathbed Arena, where the Smash and Go'nads were visiting the BloodDrunk Berserkers for some intense Deathdealer action! The Berserkers, being an expansion squad, had a decent turnout, but were slightly overshadowed by the presence of Go'nads fans, who've seen a remarkable surge of support since their trip to the Blood Bowl finals last season.

Outnumbered though they may have been, the chaos fans showed their enthusiasm early, as what appeared to be an entire sacrificial goat was hurled from the crowd to land squarely on top of dwarf defender Achilles Punks, who was slower than usual to get up. The ball came into the hands of Face Eater, Berserkers beastman, who was immediately off and running for the other end of the field. Quick to lend a "block" was Max Spleenripper, hired on to do as much damage as possible before the officials removed him from the pitch. Unfortunately for Spleenripper, after laying a slash through Achilles Punks' armour, he was toppled by an enraged Herb Eaverstinks and was too grievously wounded to continue.

The dwarves were beginning to win the blocking game, but already the theme of the drive had shifted, as the much faster beastmen scrambled to take out anyone in Face Eater's way. A trio of them ganged up on Drew Peacock to punch a hole in the wide defense, and Face Eater charged through untouched. With no hope of catching him, the Go'nads' defense continued to grapple with the Berserkers' offensive line until at last, Face Eater ran the football in for the touchdown.

On the ensuing kickoff, the dwarves started to get dirty, with blitzer Moe Lester emphatically kicking a downed beastman in the kidneys. Unfortunately for the Go'nads, Lester was anything but subtle, and the surly fellow was ejected from the match, reportedly leaving the stadium altogether to take in the local pub scene. Meanwhile the more talented of the dwarf players, the dynamic running duo of Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, were enjoying more conventional successes, making their way steadily downfield. Time was not on their side, though, and the clock ran down before their play could develop into a point on the board. At halftime, the score was 1-0 for the BloodDrunk Berserkers.

After the break, with the Smash and Go'nads receiving, another case of projectile enthusiasm erupted from the stands. In retaliation for the sacrificial goat which landed on Achilles Punks, it seemed that Moe Lester had returned in disguise, and managed to sneak a cow into the upper deck where dozens of dwarf fans were watching. Their combined efforts heaved the bewildered bovine over the guardrail and onto the pitch below, Where it impacted on beastman Gutripper. With the distraction in effect, Adam Meway retrieved the ball and began to gallop downfield. He was pursued and eventually tackled by Warheart, but not before he had a chance to lob the ball to his partner in crime, Dick Gozinia. The bait and switch was played perfectly, and Gozinia tied the game on his trip to the end zone.

The score now tied, the Berserkers still had the advantage and could play the clock - as long as their line held up. Enter Cludge Slamboni and his deathroller to bolster the dwarven defense. As the next drive began, Face eater experienced some difficulty getting the ball into his mitts. Eventually, he reined it in and fired a long, high pass to Killrock the Hated. The dwarves were all over it, though, and the ball was back in beardy hands before long, shifting the advantage once more.

with the shift of fortunes came a shift in tactics as well, as the Smash and Go'nads put a little extra "smash" on their game. While Herb Eaverstinks and Achilles Punks put a waist-high hurting on an assortment of beastmen, Cludge Slamboni turned the Berserkers line into a bloody pavement, marking two significant casualties and any number of stubbed toes. Unfortunately for the dwarves, the clock ran down amid their gleeful pummeling, and the match ended in a 1-1 draw.

Match MVPs were earned by Wrathmore of the BloodDrunk Berserkers, and hard-hitting Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads. Also notable was Achilles Punks' uncanny ability to maneuver himself into all kinds of positive coverage, and Dick Gozinia's ferocious forward blocking, as when he made a cover-worthy stiff-arm on his way to the end zone.

Next on the docket, the Blueriver Wardoves and the Blackwater Bilgerunners, the two most nimble and acrobatic squads in the league, square off in a battle of olfactory extremes!

Skinks Sink Stinkers

This week's action from Deathdealer Division is coming right at you, sportsfiends! First on the slate, the woeful Muenster Valley Stinkers host the surprising Sun Temple Chupacabras at Fort Muenster Cheeseyard. Right from the outset, it was clear who the favourites were. More than two thirds of the spectators on hand were there in support of the Chupacabras, and this despite the questionable implications of anyone but a goblin going anywhere near a goblin-run arena.

The lizardmen won the coin toss and elected to receive first. The Stinkers defense was missing one of its biggest contributors - Windmill Widegut, who was sitting this one out with a moderate concussion sustained against the Smash and Go'nads. In his place, however, stood mercenary troll Gurch Squatlaunch - maybe not the best money can buy, but certainly something that some money can rent. To the Stinkers' delight, he proved to be on the same page as the rest of the team from the get-go, as he set a blitz in motion on the first kickoff. The play seemed to have rattled the lizard offense, as a handoff from Harpo to Mondo Xtopilopicoatl was bobbled and dropped. The Stinkers pressed the brief advantage as Whirly Early unraveled his ball and chain to knock a pair of saurus on their backsides. Gurch further proved his worth by hitting Tyrannosaurus Sex with a double-arm slam that left the rapacious reptile seeing stars as he was hauled off the pitch to the infirmary. Again the skinks worked at their running play, and this time Harpo successfully handed off to his brother Pablo, who cruised down the sideline, escorted by El Mucho Grande. Stinker Fleestone of the goblins attempted to stop the crafty skink, but he proved entirely too slippery, breaking free of coverage and running the ball in for the touchdown.

A lucky break struck for the Stinkers as the Chupacabras kicked to them. The ball sailed out of bounds and the touchback went to Gassy Pinchflick, newcomer and soon-to-be-airborne goblin wheeler. Thudd Thuddler hurled him skyward, but the landing left much to be desired. The lizardmen made a move to recover the football, and though his first try failed, eventually Pablo Xtopilopicoatl scooped it up and made his way up the field. Pablo then handed off to brother Meepo, who mirrored his brother's previous touchdown run with a streak down the sideline. Just like that, the score was 2-0 for the Sun temple Chupacabras.

At this point, the Chupacabras' fans were roaring, but somehow their joy was matched by the angry bellowing of the smaller goblin contingent. It is speculated that though the goblins' voices were relatively quiet, their collective breath was loud enough to split stone and raise the dead. A second bad kick from the lizardmen landed right at midfield, but in such a way that neither skink nor stinker could get a solid hold of it before being tripped up or shoved away. The referees managed to pick something up, however, as Gassy Pinchflick was tossed out for a half-hearted foul on El Legarto Terrible. Finally, Stinker Fleestone managed to get a grip on the football, and immediately thereafter was lobbed downfield by Thudd Thuddler. The throw proved just short of the end zone, and the whistle blew before Fleestone could make a run for it. At halftime, the Chupacabras remained in the lead, two scores to none.

After the break, with the Stinkers receiving once more, you could see in their eyes the sense of desperation. The kick this time was much better, and fielded poorly by Dab Lobsnot. Lobsnot was subsequently pushed aside by his own teammate, Kicky Mudgob, who had little trouble with the ball and was thereafter heaved aloft by the towering Thudd Thuddler. Thuddler's aim was true, and Mudgob's landing immaculate. a quick bob and weave around the bewildered skink safety and the goblins had their first point of the game.

While the goblin touchdown has a great effect on the morale of the hometown fans, it absolutely enraged the Chupacabras' supporters. As the Stinkers kicked off, an errant thighbone was thrown out of the upper deck and pegged Thudd Thuddler squarely in the back of his skull, just below he helmet. The troll fell flat on his face, but the looks on the faces of the lizardmen were not smiles and smirks. With the troll out of the way, they caught a glimpse of Blaggat Horkbag, casually tossing a bomb from hand to hand. They looked to the referee, but he was far too busy counting a handful of money to pay any attention. Horkbag let fly his explosives, and the blast plowed through Mondo Xtopilopicoatl, severely damaging the skink's hip joint. Luckily, the skilled priests of the Sun Temple were able to mend the fallen player. Despite the smoke and blasted turf, the Chupacabras held to their game plan and Meepo Xtopilopicoatl found the ball. Running headlong down the sideline with support from Reptar the Reprehensible and Harpo, Meepo proved untouchable and the two-point lead was restored as he crossed the goal line.

As the game began to slip away from them, the stinkers showed signs of faltering across the field. The Chupacabras were able to read their offense perfectly and reordered themselves to exploit its weaknesses. Gurch Squatlaunch pitched ball carrier Nudgy Bangfart down the field, but the latter landed on his head rather than his feet. As Bangfart was about to get up again, he found himself surrounded by skinks, and a sharp kick to the temple from Sue Xtopilopicoatl put him out with a bad case of the won't-wake-ups. The bad breaks kept coming as El Mucho Grande knocked out Bumgo Butterbomb and Pablo Xtopilopicoatl turned a blitz by Ziddy Blotch into a comatose goblin.With that, Pablo scooped up the football and took off like a shot for the end zone. With nothing but hope left in the playbook, Gurch Squatlaunch threw Kicky Mudgob towards the streaking skink, and miraculously the goblin didn't crash. Hitting the ground running, Mudgob plowed into Pablo and knocked the skink flat. The ball careened into the stands and, in typical goblin fashion, was booted back into play before anyone got any ideas about going in after it. Right on the spot was Gecko, but the run took too much out of him, and he fell, exhausted, before crossing the goal line. With not so much as a gasp left in the lungs of anyone present, time ran out, with the final score sitting at 3-1 for the Sun Temple Chupacabras.

Match MVPs were Blaggat Horkbag of the Stinkers, and Reptar the Reprehensible of the Chupacabras, no doubt for his strong supportive blocking on Meepo Xtopilopicoatl's touchdown run. Notable as well were Meepo himself, who worked his way out of coverage with some incredible footwork, and Sue, who displayed remarkable agility throughout the contest. after the match, the Chupacabras' skinks were noticeably excited, and the reason became clear in a press conference, as the father of the many Xtopilopicoatl brothers, "Big Poppa" Xtopilopicoatl, joined the team in the position of Thunder Lizard. This potent offense is 2 and 0 in its young history, and the addition of a Kroxigor on the front line will make them a powerhouse on both sides of the ball.

Tune in again soon for all the highlights from the Smash and Go'nads' match against the BloodDrunk Berserkers!

Two Weeks' Worth of Procrastination. Here's the news in brief!

Due to a combination of writer's block and tightly-packed schedules, MMBBL blog updates were stymied these last two weeks. Since going back to write up for each game, at this point, would only delay future reports as well, we're going to give you the reports in brief from each of five games that recently went down.

Week two action saw three games played, the first of which was a battle between the stalwart Smash and Go'nads and the highly unfortunate Muenster Valley Stinkers.
When all was said and done, the score was a surprisingly narrow victory for the Go'nads, 3-2, with the winning touchdown coming very late in the second half. Stu Padasso, Adam Meway and Moe Lester scored for the dwarves, while Nudgy Bangfart and Donker Dungheap earned the goblin squad's points. MVPs were Stu Padasso and Windmill Widegut. Widegut also suffered a serious injury in the second half, and will miss the next game as a result.

Second on the card was a match between the highly-favoured Blueriver Wardoves and the newcomers of the Sun Temple Chupacabras.
The hometown team beat the odds and came out with a 3-2 victory of the Wardoves. Touchdowns for the lizardmen were scored by Pablo, Harpo and Sue Xtopilopicoatl, while Fhorin Bloodmeadow and Albiir Featherdeath put points up for the elves. MVP awards went to El Mucho Grande, saurus of the Chupacabras, and Fhorin Bloodmeadow, the Wardoves blitzer. Tanthil Twigbreaker suffered an undisclosed but non-serious injury, and will be resting up during the Wardoves' upcoming second game.

The third and final match of week two pitted the speedy skaven of the Blackwater Bilgerunners against the rowdy chaos forces of the BloodDrunk Berserkers. We did manage to get this report in from one of our skaven correspondents, and here's the wire from the Tidybowl now.
Tonight's match was the inaugural meet at the Bilgerunners Tidybowl, and the cool dank air that passes for a nice day in the city cisterns greeted nearly twenty thousand rabid fans. Fresh off their preseason matches, the Blackwater Bilgerunners took to the field with professional confidence, flanked by their new assistant coach and cheerleading team. Facing them would be the chaotic BloodDrunk Berserkers, resplendent in their spiked crimson armor, and snarling in defiance.

As the Chaos Warriors kicked to the Skaven team, it appears the Bilgerunners' new assistant coach was already earning his keep. With O'Rattigan roaring and pounding through the front lines, Skaven captain Fivel Mausketrap scooped up the ball, lobbing the pass off to Twinkletoes. Breaking through the newly opened hole in the Berserker defenses, Twinkletoes sprinted into the end zone in a textbook Rat Rush. The Bilgerunners looked to have all the breaks so far, could the Berserkers respond?

The answer came in the sound of diesel fueled mayhem as Max Spleenripper took to the line of scrimmage. Once again the coaching staff of the Bilgerunners were at their peak, and the ball sailed off to rest in a far corner of the Chaos field. Brilliant coaching was no match for the spinning chromite teeth however, as Max tore into O'Rattigan with his trusty chainsaw. First blood had been spilled, and the rat ogre was sent to the infimary for the rest of the match. Apparently, brute force was an excellent response to speed and skill in this league, as braying beastmen Skin Shredder and Gutripper knocked the sense out of Gurglergasp and Gimpy respectively. Meanwhile, Warheart had fetched the ball, and was quickly surrounded by his fellow beastmen and chaos warriors, setting up a strong defensive cage that moved cautiously upfield.

The steady march of the Chaos team was almost overshadowed by the mixed brawls on the field. At one point, the chain on Max Spleenripper's saw snapped, stunning him breifly. It's hard to keep a good maniac down for long, as he recovered enough to clobber Stumptail with the chainsaw's heavy gearbox. The clock was running down, and the Chaos team was approaching the end zone. Warheart, apparently bored with the steady coverage of the advancing cage, broke loose for a blitz, stunning one of the storm vermin. The opening was just enough for Krunch to throw a desperate block at Warheart. Both dropped and the ball rolled back towards Chaos Warrior Ozz Painkiller, who retrieved it handily. Painkiller slipped towards the sidelines, letting the spread of his team-makes tie up the skaven defenders. But once again, courage or desperation seized the skaven, this time in the form of Squeesplat, who, breaking free from Cardo Starbreaker at midfield, crashed into the mighty Painkiller, knocking the ball to Twinkletoes. With a few final punches, the whistle was blown on the first half, and a relieved cheer went up from the skaven fans as Max Spleenripper left the field.

It was the Chaos fans that would be cheering after the halftime however, as once again Max Spleenripper took to the field! Apparently the referee was more interested in his own well-being than a clean game. As usual, the coaching was flawless for the skaven, but the kick was not, nearly landing in the hands of Ozz Painkiller. Max was up to his usual mayhem on the front line, and it wasn't long before Jenner was clocked by the flat of the chainsaw, and had to be dragged off the pitch.

Painkiller picked up the ball, and once again, a defensive cage gathered around him. The Bilgerunners mounted another effort to breach the Chaos defenses, with Fivel Mausketrap even managing to knock Skin Shredder unconscious. But the Chaos team was ready for these moves, and inflicted greater casualties, with beastman Face Eater sending Krunch off for a nap, and Max sending a heavily bleeding Brutus to the infirmary. Nimble-fingered apothecaries were standing by however, stitching him up expertly for the next drive. With few of the rats left to challenge him, Ozz strode over the finish line to the raucous cheers of the Chaos fans, and Max was finally ejected from the stadium for good.

The chaos team had definitely knocked the wind out of the Bilgerunner sails, as the latter team took to the pitch looking exhausted. The Berserkers kicked the ball just behind the line of scrimmage, to be scooped up by Fivel, throwing the ball laterally to Twinkletoes. The catch was fumbled however, and the ball proceeded to bounce wildly in the scrum at mid-field. Neither skaven nor beastman could get a grip on the slippery skin. Finally, the ball bounced it's way back to Twinkletoes, who was off in a flash across the field to a hole in the line, his fellow gutter runners running interference. With the clock running down, the forces of Chaos expertly tied up any would-be rescuers at midfield, and penned in the advance. Making one last desperate attempt, Twinkletoes attempted to pass off the ball to Piddlepaw, but the ball was fumbled, and a final horn ended the game, knotted at one to one.

A well deserved MVP was awarded to Ozz Painkiller in recognition of his excellent plays and strong blocking, and one to Brutus for assisting his team-mates on the front line. An excellent showing for the BloodDrunk Berserkers in their first match of their young history, to be sure. The Bilgerunners, however, will have the pressure on for their next matches, needing more than ties to keep pace with the league's elite.

On now to the action from week three. Two of the three scheduled games took place, with the Fly-by Knights visiting the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, and the Darkmire Carnosaurs hosting the Pancake valley Shortstacks. The third match, seeing the Traumatic Takedown play the Asgard Raiders at Midgard Battlefield, was delayed on account of Valkyrie interference, and will be played as soon as the meddlesome battlemaidens stop trying to carry the players off the pitch.
The highest attendance so far this season was only the beginning for this match. before the game was even kicked off, the teams needed to be pulled apart as a riot nearly erupted in the pregame warm-ups. Two touchdowns, a handful of casualties and a pitch invasion later, the Knights emerged victorious with a 2-0 win. Points were scored by the explosive Victor Dashing, and later from a surprising effort from lineman Solomon Squatz, who was awarded the MVP award for the humans. Kiro Stormaxe, the latest greenskin phenom in the MMBBL, received the honour for the Spinebreakers. After the match, the orcs needed to fill a gap left by Kolark Bonefist who will be missing a game with an injury, thought all they managed to find was a goblin named Huck Skudfungus, who will likely play the role of projectile.
Game two resulted in an impressive 3-0 victory for the Darkmire Carnosaurs over the Pancake Valley Shortstacks. Skinks Reedrush, Puddlejumper and Mudrunner each scored for the lizardmen, And while the saurus players were uncharacteristically gentle, the halflings managed to sustain three serious injuries. As a result, Pimpley Backfat, Sloth Lovechunk and Cream Sugarfoot will each be missing the Shortstacks' next contest. Pip Pieface did manage to get out alive with the MVP award for his team, while Threehorns of the Carnosaurs earned the accolades for his squad.

And so you're up to date, sportsfiends, however slapdash it may be. What's important is that there's more action happening tonight! Week four is upon us and it's shaping up to be a real doozy!

Knights Best Takedown in Close Match

The final game in Bloodbath division's first week of the MMBBL's 2008 Autumn season saw a returning, veteran Fly-by Knights squad take on the up-and-coming Traumatic Takedown on the chaos dwarves' homefield. Expectations for both teams are high this season; the Knights have proven their skill yet have no championships to show for it, while the Takedown are subject to the demanding standards of surly dwarves, mean-spirited hobgoblins, and dangerously opinionated centaurs among their fans. To boost their appeal for the season's first game, the Takedown hired on recurring favourite Zzharg Madeye, and brought it what we presume is a large enough sum of money to keep officials from noticing his signature football-firing front-loading blunderbuss.

The Traumatic Takedown won the coin toss and chose to kick first, and you could see in the eyes of the line dwarves that they had a plan. Sure enough, as soon as the ball was over midfield, the Takedown showed the blitz and surged into Knights territory. The human team held its ground and kept its collective cool, however, and Lance Freely calmly retrieved the football and threw it to his favourite receiver, Stanley "Stainless" Steele. Steele made no mistake on the catch, but when trying to stretch out for extra yards down the sideline, fell after a misstep on the turf. Nevertheless, the bulk of the Takedown's defense had committed to the blitz, and Steele had ample time to get back up, brush himself off, and carry the ball in for an early lead.

The Takedown fans at the Operating Room weren't happy, and the uproar of ""Unhorse the Knights!" went up around the stadium. The Knights fans made their best effort to counter with a cheer of "Steele is the Reele Deele!" but simply did not have the edge in lungpower. Taking the field for the kickoff, the chaos dwarf squad had a couple of options at hand - Would they make use of Madeye's deep passing ability, or go with the strong running game centered around ace centaur Charlie Horse? The answer became evident quickly as Horse got his hands on the ball and moved downfield. The Knights' defense was quick to react, however, and the wall of linemen quickly closed off any avenue of passage. Charlie Horse turned on a dime and backtracked along the line of scrimmage, making his way to more open pastures.

The rest of Horse's team began to do their part for their runner, as first Rip Tendon knocked out blitzer Victor Dashing, and then Ortho Pnoea did likewise to Chet Jackweed. Charlie Horse made his move, attempting to capitalize on the compromised backfield coverage. Out of nowhere, though, came Knights newcomer Humphrey Bogatyr to knock Horse to the earth. Before he had a chance to celebrate his debut, though, Plex Fracture of the Takedown roared in with a head of steam, snatched up the ball, and got the glory for Charlie Horse's hard work by marching in for a touchdown. As the teams lined up for the final few minutes of the first half, a passing comment from Horse to Bogatyr was misinterpreted and started a minor scuffle on the field. After the game, the misunderstanding was brought to light: Charlie Horse, showing his respect for Bogatyr's strong tackle, made mention that perhaps his mother had been a horse herself. While this was a high compliment regarding the stamina and resolve of Bogatyr's lineage, the lineman took great offense initially. Once the cultural divide was bridged, however, the two shook hands on the matter and there were no hard feelings. Where else but in the MMBBL does one find such cross-species brotherhood and respect?

When time came for the second half to get underway, the teams took the pitch but not a single official could be found. Of course, the fans were suspected, but being that there's not neraly enough time to search each and every one for bits of referee, the game continued without delay. The Knights kicked once more to the Takedown, and once more Charlie Horse got the call to take the ball in on the ground. Now, the Knights were determined not to allow the chaos dwarves to gain the advantage, and brought out their heaviest hits to protect their end zone. Leading the charge was Jacques Strappe, the rippling running back, as he plowed through Ortho Pnoea without any sign of slowing, and Pnoea was dragged back to the dugout where he was pronounced "pooped". Still carrying the ball forward, Charlie Horse threw a blitz on Cyrano de Baggagerack, but the human shrugged the shot off smartly, and Horse wound up taking the fall. With that, the Knights rallied to the spot and began to turn up the physical game, shoving hobgoblin and dwarf alike all over the field.

Out of the chaos, Knights blitzer Victor Dashing, who'd awoken from his brief first-half nap, scooped up the football and was on his way. Linemen Abraham Sandwich and Max Limit followed him up as a protective force. With little time to spare, the duty fell to Rip Tendon to knock the blitzer down, and the dwarf delivered, putting Dashing on the dirt and knocking the ball free. Fortunately for Dashing, wingmen Sandwich and Limit did their job right, too, and shoved Tendon out of the way, leaving room for Vic to get up and get the football over the goal line. The Knights had the lead again, with little time left to spare.

in the dying minutes of the second half, the Traumatic Takedown had their work cut out for them, and the Knights defense wasn't about to make it easy for them. The green and blue defense read the chaos dwarf offense like a book, and reorganized themselves on the fly to dig in for the big stop. With everything riding on one big block, Charlie Horse plowed into Barglesnart Livingstone, and both players fell to the ground. That was it for the Takedown, but it also turned out to really be it for Rip Tendon. As Livingstone stood his hulking frame back up, the ogre grabbed the nearest thing to hit, and that thing was Tendon himself. The buzzer sounded just as the ogre's throw released, flinging the dwarf player headlong into the research pit on the sidelines, where he landed in a vat of bubbling chemicals, turned purple, caught fire, and died. He was removed by the medical staff, but even then, all they could manage to do was make him turn even purpler, catch fire some more, and die again.

What may sting the most for the Takedown is that after such a strong performance defensively, Rip Tendon was posthumously awarded the MVP for his side. For the Fly-by Knights, Stanley Steele was given the award. Also noteworthy was the effort of Victor Dashing, who made several stunning moves on his way to the end zone. After the game, the Takedown's management announced that while they would miss the presence of Rip Tendon, they would be unveiling a "very big surprise" for their next game in two weeks' time.

And that's the first week out of Bloodbath division, sportsfiends! This Tuesday we kick off Deathdealer's divisional play - returning teams the Wardoves, Smash and Go'nads and the Bilgerunners will test the skill of newcomer squads the Chupacabras, Stinkers and Berserkers, respectively. See you then!

Halflings Come Up Short Against Raiders

Our second game out of Bloodbath division saw the diminutive yet determined Pancake Valley Shortstacks test their mettle against the rowdy Asgard Raiders. It's pots and pans versus looting and pillaging. Midgets and mayhem, at the Frying Pan!

There was no doubt about the atmosphere in this game. From early dawn it had rained, through breakfast, brunch, lunch, teatime, dinner and supper, leaving the Frying Pan a soggy, muddy mess for the match. Even as the teams took to the pitch, the rain kept coming. Winning the coin toss, the Shortstacks chose to receive first, and lined up behind their formidable treemen, Barkley Hobbittosser and Mr. Tree (who were quite invigourated by all the precipitation) as the Asgard Raiders took their defensive positions. The halflings looked ready to start. but the norsemen were even readier - blitzing across midfield, the defense stormed their tiny opponents. Still, Fatty "Fatty" Fat Fat of the Shortstacks managed to get ahold of the ball and make his way to Barkley Hobbittosser, and the treeman hurled the little fellow downfield where he landed expertly.

The downfall of the halfling playbook is usually their lack of mobility, and this came to the fore early on. Egil Stoneheart throttled Dip Deadweight, tossing him off to the sidelines after rendering him unconscious and out of service. Further down the field, Tyr Warriov caught up with the trundling Fatty, knocked him down with an overhand smash, and recovered the ball in one swift motion. Looking to correct the problem, Hobbittosser picked up the nearest teammate - this time Sloth Lovechunk - and pitched him downfield to help recover the ball. Unfortunately, Lovechunk didn't land well and was a bit dazed. Standing up to get back that which was taken from him, Fatty Fat Fat was dumped into the stands by Norse thrower Egor Longrow, and landed roughly on a sausage cart which robbed him of his consciousness. Now Mr. Tree was joining the game of halfling lawn darts, hurling Cam Sizzlespam into coverage, this one landing much more smoothly.

Getting his bearings, Sloth Lovechunk dodged nimbly out from under his would-be assailants and laid a blitz on the unsuspecting Ingdor Hamerzeit. Fortunately for Hamerzeit, not much suspicion is needed to fend off a halfling attack, and Lovechunk was dumped on his bottom and left too bruised to continue playing. Apparently taken by a bout of maddened rage, Hamerzeit followed up by crippling Pip Pieface with an inspired body slam. The landing fractured Pieface's skull, but proper care from the team doctors led him safely back to his senses.

The airborne defense persisted for the Shortstacks, as Flapjack Porkbelly was lobbed skyward, only to land abruptly on his back. The norsemen continued to clear a path for Tyr Warriov, with Egil Stoneheart leading the charge and trampling Tub Trollfodder underfoot. As Trollfodder was removed from the pitch, no one noticed as Gunnvor Odinson hit a downed Cream Sugarfoot with a hip drop, knocking the halfling out and eliminating the last line of defense. Tyr Warriov strode into the end zone and howled madly at the fans, scaring most of them out of the first few rows of seating.

With the next kickoff came renewed encouragement from the halfling fans, yelling their support for the hometown crowd. Inspired by this show of support, Jiff Jellyroll deftly picked up the ball and made a handoff to Fiddley Diddlebottom, who buckled up and prepared to ride the catapult arm of Barkley Hobbittosser. The treeman's aim was true, and Diddlebottom landed softly, breaking into a run for the end zone! Using every ounce of energy in his squat little legs, Diddlebottom surged to the end zone...and tripped on an errant bagel dropped earlier by one of his teammates. The stadium groaned collectively, and the Raiders fell back to retrieve the lost ball. Egor Longrow was first on the spot, but couldn't get a grip on the rain-slick football, and it squirted free once more. With time running down, the Shortstacks turned once again to desperate measures. Mr. Tree attempted to chuck Dunk Dillweed downfield to recover the ball, but fumbled the halfling, dropping him waist-deep into the mud. The norsemen had no time for another score before halftime, but as Egor Longrow finally got the ball in his hands, he managed a shovel pass to Ingdor Hamerzeit. Hamerzeit, still foaming from his previous frenzy, moved immediately to the fallen Fiddley Diddlebottom and kicked him squarely in the pastries, earning himself a match penalty. Going into halftime, the score remained 1-0 for the Asgard Raiders.

Down by a score, the Shortstacks kicked to the Raiders after the intermission. The kick was high and shallow, but the fielding attempt by Kari Quickstride was not effective. Seizing the opportunity, the Shortstacks were led by Barkley Hobbittosser in an effort to cross midfield. The hulking treeman clobbered the hapless Quickstride, putting the runner out of the game with a bad case of magical splinters. Dunk Dillweed then attempted to pick up the loose ball, only to fumble in the driving rain. The football bounced away, and it was scooped up by none other than Hobbittosser himself! With the significance of this event sweeping through him like an Autumn breeze, the lumbering treeman began his slog downfield, pausing momentarily to pitch the aforementioned Dunk Dillweed downfield.

The Norse were not about to let a vegetable get the best of them, and ganged up on Hobbittosser quickly. Working together, nearly a half-dozen surly vikings managed to fell the mighty treeman, and the ball once more fell free. Unable to pick it up handily, the Raiders did the next best thing - eliminate anyone else who might try to pick it up. First, Gunnvor Odinson clubbed Dunk Dillweed with his own helmet, leaving the halfling to stumble off to the infirmary. Then, Ymir Keldsvide put the hurt on Pip Pieface, who had already been brutally accosted once this match, and who folded like a napkin under this latest assault. To make matters worse for the Shortstacks, Mr. Tree found himself rooted in the middle of the pitch, unable to resist the promise of fresh rain in his roots any longer. Frustrated but full of vigour, he brought a brutal branch down on the Raiders' journeyman blocker and was called for the foul. With just such an eventuality in mind, a squadron of elite gardeners was called in to uproot and transplant Mr. Tree into a comfortably moist penalty field.

The hits kept coming as Tyr Warriov landed a heavy blow to the back of Fiddley Diddlebottom, leaving the little fellow with a more long-term injury than one would have liked. Immediately thereafter, Egil Stoneheart gave Cream Sugarfoot the boot, getting caught in the act but looking very satisfied with his three-casualty performance. With the halfling resistance dwindling, Egor Longrow got hold of the ball and began the march downfield. Now immobile himself but no less angry, Barkley Hobbittosser threw a crushing punch-block at the hapless Norse journeyman, taking the player's head clean off and sending it soaring into the upper deck. At last, the hometown crowd had something to cheer about, and Hobbittosser was given a standing ovation as the field staff dragged away what remained of the unlucky norseman. Still, Egor Longrow was left untouched in his march to the end zone, and the second Raiders touchdown essentially sealed the victory for the violent vikings.

Little time remained, but the halflings lined up bravely (what was left of them, anyway) for a final drive. Bizarrely, the Raiders seemed unwilling to put up any resistance, and in fact most of them were completely in the bag from premature victory ale. The kick was terrible to say the least, and the resulting touchback put the ball in the hands of Fatty Fat Fat. Hobbittosser picked the halfling up and pitched him forward, and he landed smoothly enough for a guy whose waistband was wider than he was tall. Huffing, puffing, sweating like a pig in a sauna, Fatty trundled towards the end zone, and the Raiders actually cheered the little fellow on...until he tripped over that suspicious bagel! A confused, angry halfling crowd pelted the field with buns and donuts in protest, which the Shortstacks collected and devoured as the Raiders went to the locker room cheering and singing despite the ringing of strudels against their helmets. The final score was two to nothing.

MVPs of this match were Gunnvor Odinson, who led his fellow linemates in a display of fearless defiance, and Pip Pieface, presumably for demonstrating the resilience of a cockroach. Also notable were Eirik Runeval's defensive guarding and Barkley Hobbittosser's knack for knocking things over and having them stay "over."

Kickoff! Spinebreakers and Carnosaurs Battle to Draw

The honour of kicking off the MMBBL's 2008 Autumn season went to the Darkmire Carnosaurs and the Razor Hill Spinebreakers this Tuesday, at Dragon Spine Arena. Surprisingly, more Carnosaurs fans were on hand than Spinebreakers supporters, presumably because of the influence and/or appeal of the numerous dragons in the region. After winning the coin toss, the Carnosaurs chose to receive first, and the Spinebreakers put the ball in the air to start this season off.

Quick to recover the kick was Reedrush, one of the Carnosaurs' speediest skinks. Reedrush blazed a trail upfield, only to be upended by blitzer Soran Steelfury of the Spinebreakers. Just as soon as the ball was lost, though, it was scooped up once more by another eager skink. This time it was Mudrunner getting his shot, deftly picking up the dangerous, spikey dragon egg the Spinebreakers use to play. Cruising past the line of scrimmage, Mudrunner scampered out of the orcs' reach, the significance of which was emphasized as Zor Loneblow brought his trollish brute force to bear on saurus Firetongue, putting the latter out of contention. Still, no orc player could match speed with Mudrunner, and the skink soon scored the first touchdown of the season, putting the Carnosaurs ahead one to nothing.

Now came the orcish offense's chance to prove itself. As the Carnosaurs put the ball in play, a great cheer went up for the lizardmen, and the Spinebreakers had to have been a little upset that their own fans weren't able to match the roar. Perhaps the uncertainty manifested most clearly when Zor Loneblow attempted to plow through Threehorns and was himself knocked down for the count. Loneblow would not return for the remainder of the game. Things went from bad to worse for the orcs, as Reedrush pounced on the ball and handed it away to fellow skink Pondskipper. Meanwhile, saurus Wildfang continued with the war of attrition, taking out thrower Gan'rul Bloodeye and thereby robbing the Spinebreakers of one of their offensive weapons.

Hope did show for the Spinebreakers, however, as their offensive line closed up around the skink runners and their advance ground to a halt at midfield. Time began to wind down as saurus, skink, and orc grappled for a ball that was nearly as dangerous as the players themselves. At last, orc blitzer Godan Rockmaul hurled himself into the pile of bodies and emerged with the prize, putting the game's lone scorer, Mudrunner, out of commission. With no time to spare, Rockmaul then wheeled out of a makeshift pocket of orcs and tossed a desperation pass to line orc Rok Straglash. Straglash did his part and brought in the catch, then shifted away from coverage and charged heavily down the pitch, giving everything he had and being rewarded with a last-minute touchdown. At halftime, the score was tied at one apiece.

A return to the field saw the relentless Carnosaurs attempt to take advantage of the depleted orc forces, and as they sent the dragon egg ball sailing into Spinebreaker territory, the lizardmen poured on an impressive blitz. The orcs adapted impressively though, and the fast-working Kiro Stormaxe handed off to Galthuk Battlewail, who made his run up the gut to burst past the onrushing Carnosaur defense. Before the reptilian raiders could put it in reverse, Battlewail was off to the races and gave the Spinebreakers the lead early in the second half.

The last thing that the Carnosaurs might have expected was for the Spinebreakers to throw a blitz play of their own once they kicked the ball away, but it became evident quickly that the last thing the Spinebreakers were expecting was for the lizardmen to disregard the tactic and continue with their offensive plans, much like the orcs had just done. As the physical debate over who was, in fact, the more confused of the two teams, Puddlejumper found his bearings and the ball as well. hurtling through the confused offense and equally bewildered defense, Puddlejumper squirmed his way to daylight and trotted in for the touchdown while everyone else wondered what was going on.

Not much time remained in the game, but the ball was kicked to the orcs and they were given one last chance to come away with the W. Unfortunately the staunch Carnosaur defense was back to their strong play, reading the offensive line perfectly and producing a defense to match it. Rok Straglash made a final effort to move the ball, but couldn't keep his feet and crashed to the ground as time expired. The final score was a 2-2 tie, though both teams showed plenty of resolve and flashes of great skill.

MVP awards for this match went to Mudrunner, who scored the first touchdown of the season thanks to his surefootedness, and to Kiro Stormaxe, the latest in a line of elite orc blitzers to enter the league. Also noteworthy was the play of Rok Straglash, whose stocky frame hides a nimble core, coupled of course with good old fashioned orc sneakiness.

(Pictures to follow when we get some decent shots)

be sure to tune in again soon, sportsfiends, for coverage of the other two games out of Bloodbath division - the Asgard Raiders taking on the Pancake Valley Shortstacks and the Fly-by Knights facing the Traumatic Takedown!