Farmboys Fed to Carnosaurs

Bryag Mudrake once again, with a report from the Darkmire Bog where the Darkmire Carnosaurs are hosting the Stargazin' Farmboys for a meet'n'eat. The game has attracted an impressive 32000-plus fans, with a substantial edge to the local lizardmen. Looks like even the boys at Dago's Bog are wary of coming to this mud-filled swamp of a playing field. Rumor has it that the Carnosaurs themselves are dissatisfied with their playing field, and are looking to renovate it, and getting some advice from the Farmboy handlers as to how they turned Most Likely Swamp Post from bog to arid desert. In the meanwhile though the two teams square off in the mud on this pleasant, if breezy day. The Carnosaurs win the toss, and elect to receive.

The first drive sets the tone for much of the match; as the Farmboy frontline crumples like cardstock under the mighty fists of the saurii, the skinks dash upfield. Even the usually pushy Grimjaw the Wise gets into the spirit, as "Big Sea" Trepiaux goes down with his leg bending in places it shouldn't. Apothecaries manage to set the bone, but he will still miss the next game for rehab purposes. Reedrush nabs the ball, and starts his run upfield, but teammate Swiftclaw is sent tumbling while trying to knock down one of the human catchers running interference, holding up the play. This is all the opportunity Arnie "Are Too" Dieter needs to send Reedrush sprawling, but Bruce Lard tripps up trying to get the ball! The mighty Lashtail runs down Dieter, giving Puddlejumper a chance to snatch up the ball, and run it in for the first touchdown of the game!

Now the Farmboys need to mount a strong offense, and short of the guarding abilities of Trepiaux, to boot. Stealing a play from the famed Blackwater Bilgerunners, the humans attempt a lopsided offense to drive up along the side of the field. A breeze kicks up and tosses the ball off-course, but the kick still lands in play, as the Farmboys try and shove the Saurii off to the side, and tie up enough defenders to build a trench in the wide zone. The play is almost devastated as Duke Stywalker's pass to the new catcher, Willy Dee Billiams, is dropped! The ball lands behind Billiams, and the Saurii start pounding their way to the ball, with an angry Grimjaw continuing his reign of terror by taking down yet another Blitzer, this time Bruce Lard, and breaking another limb; an arm this time! Once again, the wandering apothecaries bought on inducements seem to be doing the bare minimum required of them, and Bruce will also be missing his team's next game. Fortunately for the Farmboys, the human team has learned from the Bilgerunners' mistakes, and have enough coverage around the ball to keep the Carnosaurs from picking it up, although not enough to keep them from severely menacing whomever tries to grab it. With phenomenal courage, or perhaps liquor-fueled indifference, Dan Solitaire steps coolly into the shadow of the Saurii, and with screams of encouragement and threats of violence from Duke Stywalker, picks up the ball, dodges out of harm’s way, and dashes for the safety of his teammates. As the Darkmire crew scramble to deal with this unlikely occurrence, Pondskipper trips up trying to get into Solitaire's way, freeing him up to rush the ball to the target!

With plenty of time remaining in the first half, The humans kick into the wind towards the saurii. landing the ball directly between the wall of muscle and scales of the saurus frontline and the crafty eyes and nimble fingers of Windwhip the skink. Once again, there is terror on the line of scrimmage, as the now badly undermanned human front line begins to collapse, with Owen Lard getting knocked unconscious. Coverage on the sidelines is just barely enough to trip up the wily skink Mudrunner, giving the human team a chance - a very small chance - to grab the ball. Once again, steeling his nerves with a shot from a smuggled hip-flask, Solitaire runs for the ball, dodging past saurii and skinks, only to be tripped up at the last second and land hard on the ball! Another bad block by the saurii allows one final chance, as Chris "Zed" Malcolm runs for Windwhip and tries to bowl him over, but the crafty skink sidesteps the charging lineman, scoops up the ball with perfect precision, and dashes it up-field to a waiting Puddlejumper, who had managed to slide away during the confusion, and is in perfect position to run it in for the Carnosaurs' second touchdown. A final kick to the Farmboys allows coach Kessel to put the finishing touches on human strategy, the Saurii a chance to redesign their defenses, and Duke Stywalker time to provide Willie Dee Billiams with some catching practice before time runs down on the half.

The second half sees Owen Lard recover enough to return to the line as the saurii kick to the humans once again. A mighty cheer goes up for the Carnosaurs, as the ball bounces off Artie Dieter's head and lands directly behind him on the line of scrimmage. Once again, the "Kessel Run", strategy is employed, as humans shove saurii over to form a clear trench for their catchers. This time, Williams is already into the trench as duke grabs the ball, and makes no mistake in grabbing it. The skinks are better prepared for this strategy now, and clog up the end of the trench in a sacrificial play against the human linemen. Meanwhile, Grimjaw the Wise sinks his fists into another human, sending "Hobby" Oldfield flying with a familiar "Man being eaten by crocodile" scream and a sickening thump, condemning him to the infirmary for the rest of the game. The skinks at the end of the trench refuse to be knocked over, nimbly dodging into ever more difficult positions for the catchers to overcome. With one final blitz, Billiams shoves a skink, dodges into the clear, then charges in for the touchdown! The score is now tied at 2-2, but there's plenty of time left for the Carnosaurs to regain the lead!

The lizardmen show their hunger on this kick, as they manage a quick snap, storming after the humans! Once again, frontline Farmboys get bowled over, with "Zed" Malcolm knocked out cold. "Porky" Hootkins tried to escape the carnage to grab the ball, but was tripped up, joining Zed for a quick nap. Meanwhile the skinks are once again deep into Farmboy territories, and Reedrush delivers the ball to the waiting hands of Pondskipper. Alas, Pondskipper's hands must be muddy form the field conditions, as he fails to get a handle on the ball! Once again, Solitaire is close enough to step into heavy coverage and nab the ball, and he fires off a desperate pass to Arnie Dieter, but the throw is wild! As Duke Stywalker gets up from saurus Daggermaw's blitz, he finds the pass sailing to him, and catches it! A brief moment of realization crosses between man and lizard as they both look at the ball, then at each other. Daggermaw reacts first, smashing Stywalker to the ground, as Reedrush runs back to pick up the ball, but whatever was coating Pondskipper's hands must have been coating the ball now, as it slipped from Reedrush's claws. Seeing one more opportunity to shine, Williams dodges out of coverage and runs downfield in a desperate attempt, and Solitaire once again tries to dodge out to grab it, but the lizards aren't falling for this old trick again. Pondskipper trips up Solitaire, and both catchers are now smashed and covered by hulking saurii, while Reedrush tries once again to pick up the ball, succeeding, and running it in for a touchdown!

There isn't much time for another touchdown, so things will have to be perfect for the human team, despite being a man down. Once again Kessel's Run strategy is employed, but this time, Williams is outrunning the defense, trying to get as far upfield as possible to get the touchdown. Duke Stywalker picks up the ball from where the wind blew it, and lobs off a beautiful long pass to Billiams! But with the potential for big rewards, the risks must be braved. The pounding continues as Owen Lard is once again knocked out, this time by Daggermaw. The human coverage is now insufficient to protect Billiams from the rampaging might of the saurii, who knock him down, and free up the ball. With chances for victory quashed, Arnie Dieter attempts to run down Reedrush, but trips on lizard tails and injures himself. He'll be back for the next game. The Carnosaurs see one last chance for a coup de grace touchdown, as Windwhip grabs the ball and tries to pass off to Mudrunner. The pass sails off and lands in an empty field as the whistle blows, ending the game at 3-2 for the Carnosaurs!

Match MVP honours went to Reedrush for his usual standards of excellence, and to Willie Dee Billiams for his excellent rookie performance. Postgame recognitions also go to Grimjaw the Wise for his ability to assist on the face of adversary, while Billiams goes in to learn how to take a hit from Solitaire. That's all for us here at the Bog, where loads of peat are now being shipped in to try and reduce the mud! I'll be back with more bone-grinding Bilgerunners action as they take on the Grenedale Lesionnaires next week!

A-Nile-Ators Hold on for Tie, Spinebreakers Just Hold on

Kay Offwrong here for another report from MMBBL Action in the Bloodbath Division, where last season's Cinderella story, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers, played host to quite possibly one of the top teams of the future, the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators. And what a game this was setting up to be, as both teams really needed a win to get involved in the playoff picture. The weather was beautiful, and the stands were split up almost evenly, with the slight edge of the 26 506 in attendance cheering for the hometown Greenskins.

The A-Nile-Ators won the coin toss and with it elected to receive. The ladies from Ibisi also decided to hire on some extra talent by the name of Helmut Wulf, the chainsaw wielding maniac, along with extra medical personnel and some Bloodweiser Boys, with a little something extra for the referee to keep his eyes on the Spinebreakers.

The kick was away and landed halfway between midfield and the A-Nile-Ators end zone, and with that the game was underway. At the line Sand Witch threw her shoulder into Kolark Bonefist, who was caught off guard and sent to the Spinebreaker sideline to rest up for the next drive. Arish Cream attempted to get into the open but as she tried to dodge away from Brakgul Bloodsnarl, she tripped over his disgustingly large feet and crashed into the turf, which was just enough to start the forward surge of the thick Green Defensive line.

After her beautiful hit on Bonefist, Sand Witch dodged away from the ever hungry Galthuk Battlewail and scooped up the ball, tossing it to Ibisi thrower La Nuclear Turnip, who reeled in the ball and began her stride downfield. Unfortunately, none of the A-Nile-Ators were open and when Grace Quirrel attempted to change that, she tripped over her own feet and the orc line surged again. The orcs managed to get some bodies in front of Miss Turnip but the nimble lady managed to slip through their clutches and toss a beautiful pass downfield, to a suddenly wide-open Sun Bern, who was more than halfway to the orc endzone.

With ragged breath, Soran Steelfury caught up to Bern and managed to strip the ball out of her hands, but despite his best efforts it fell next to her on the grass waiting for someone to scoop it up. Just then, the a-Nile-Ators' hired help decided to get in on the action, and as the crack of the chainsaw distracted and impacted the orcs' defensive forces, Helmut Wulf knocked star blitzer Kiro Stormaxe onto the turf, giving the A-Nile-Ators as good a chance as they could hope for. All Tufnutella had to do was scoop up the ball, and she was into the endzone, giving her team the one to nothing lead, halfway through the first half.

As the Goblin Referee counted his coins, the Helmut Wulf once more took his place on the pitch with the Ibisi girls, this time to defend. The Kick was decent and landed fairly close to Gan'Rul Bloodeye, the untrusted orc thrower who managed to pick up the ball and bring it towards Chuck Skudfungus. To the surprise of many in attendance, the handoff was a fake, and Zor Loneblow charged forward, crashed into Ibisi linewoman Nevfer Timid. Despite the unforeseen play, Helmut Wulf saw his opening, bursting over midfield and bringing his chainsaw to bear against Bloodeye, knocking down the thrower and popping the ball loose.

Battlewail took exception to the blatant attack on his thrower, and laid a crushing hit on Helmut, while Bloodeye regained consciousness and gathered up the ball once more. Finally the handoff was made to the soon-to-be-airborne goblin. With a mighty sigh from the projectile pipsqueak and an equally mighty grunt from the living catapult called Zor Loneblow, Skudfungus was in the air, sailing towards the endzone. The little guy hit the turf running and made his way frantically towards his goal, until he stepped on his own toes and fell flat on his face, knocking himself unconscious.

With the ball deep in the corner of the endzone, La Nuclear Turnip had just enough time to run in, pick up the ball and search out a target. Her long bomb pass was on the mark, and caught easily by newcomer Hiss Isis, who took four consecutive hits from the furious Spinebreakers before Steelfury was finally able to strip the ball away from her. The hometown Hero, Kiro Stormaxe, finally got his mitts on the ball but was unable to to escape coverage and took a spill himself. As Hiss Isis recovered the ball and attempted to hand off to Sun Bern, the sharp and dangerous dragon egg used as a ball caught her in the neck and sent her to the sideline for the remainder of the drive. There wasn't much of a drive left anyway, and the whistle blew for halftime. Both teams scrambled to the locker room as the coaches tried to convey some type of new strategy to the teams.

On the ensuing Kickoff a disgruntled Spinebreaker fan tossed his Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet at Kolark Bonefist, knocking the black orc face first into the pitch. Still Gan'rul Bloodeye managed to snag the ball and make a quick toss to Soran Steelfury who broke upfield. The resourceful Sand Witch was able to get a very lucky shot off on Steelfury, and the ball again came loose. As Grace Quirrel attempted to get to the ball, she fell, and the home town boys pressed on, led by Bloodeye who again grabbed the ball and made his way into a very protective orc pocket, searching for a receiver.

Enter Zaga Zig, and enter she did! A beauty of a hit sent Bloodeye sprawling on the ground and the ball was again loose. The only player who could get his hands on it was Soran Steelfury, who scooped up the ball and rumbled into the endzone for the tying score before Gan'rul could even open his weary eyes. 1-1 was the score and it was shaping up for a photo finish.

The next kick again saw the fans showing their love and support for the fielded teams. And another Kiro "The Hero" Stormaxe stone replica helmet came soaring out of the stands at Kolark Bonefist, this time however the very slow black orc was able to duck in time and the helmet hit A-Nile-Ators blitzer Arish Cream, knocking her unconscious. The kick landed right on the line of scrimmage and a total brawl ensued. A brilliant blitz By Kiro Stormaxe saw him make his way dangerously close to the goal. Steelfury shoved Sand Witch out of bounds and the crowed gave her a bit of a roughing up, but game-saver Nevfer Timid laid a beautiful hit on Stormaxe to keep him out of scoring position. With nothing left to do but scrum about for the ball, the whistle blew. Late game heroics from both squads!

MVPs of the match were Sun Bern for her excellent play, and Orok Deathbane who at times looked like he may do things. That's all from Razor Hill and Dragon Spine Stadium! Tune in to the MMBBL for more news and updates from our other games.

Sun Shines, Farmboys Make Hay

Evening all! Bryag Mudrake here again for another exhibition match, as the Stargazing Farmboys take on the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators at the Fields of Milk and Honey. There was tremendous turnout today, with over 36,000 screaming fans divided equally between the heavyset humans and the animalistic Amazons. The A-Nile-Ators elect to kick today, and the first kick sails out of bounds, blown into the crowds by a warm breeze on this unseasonably nice day.

The human offense pounds through the furry fury of the Amazon front line, with "Hobby" Oldfield sending Arish Cream off for a bit of a catnap. Duke Stywalker sends the ball straight at Dan Solitaire, but Solitaire bobbles it! La Mau Meow tries to punch through the blitzers to get at it, but is repelled, giving solitaire another chance to get the ball, and stagger off for the end-zone. A crash from Sand Witch and Ben-Ken Guinness distracts Solitaire long enough to get tripped up trying to get away from the Amazons, and the ball falls from his grasp into the able hands of La Nuclear Turnip. The hawk aspect sends the ball sailing upfield into the hands of the jackal-headed linewoman Zaga Zig in the Farmboys' half of the field. The Farmboys aren't about to take this, as Bruce Lard and "Zed" Malcolm try to take her down, but simply push her into deeper coverage.

What follows looks like a cross between a Pinball machine and a frat hazing, as Zaga Zig is shoved around by half the human team, before coming out, still upright and in possession of the ball, around the midfield. Once again, Zaga Zig rushes for the end of the field, as her teammates attempt to provide much-needed interference from the Farmboys. Zaga Zig takes the game's first touchdown, but at a price; La Nuclear Turnip was harmed by "Big Sea" Trepiaux and will spend the rest of the game in the infirmary.

The Amazons kick again, this time with cheering fans rooting for the Stargazin' boys, giving them a much-needed lift. The ball lands just ahead of Stywalker, who grabs the pigskin and sends it off to Solitaire, who actually manages to catch the damned thing! The human team pushed a hole right through the middle of the Amazon line, but the nimble ladies were able to quickly cage the catcher. With a little help from the linemen, Solitaire manages to slip free for a quick touchdown, tying the game!

With only a couple seconds left on the clock, the A-Nile-Ators have no time to score a point, but do manage to get some measure of revenge for La Nuclear Turnip’s injury, as Hapi Golucky puts Ben-Ken Guinness out of commission for the remainder of the game. At this point the unseasonably warm breeze becomes a freakishly hot one, as the muggy, oppressive heat descends upon the Field of Milk and Honey.

As the second half begins, both teams have players collapse in the dugout, and are able to field a mere 8 players each. The Human team now kicks to the Amazons, sending the ball deep back into their field. With a roar, they proceed to catch the A-Nile-Ators off guard, as linemen tear down the sidelines for the ball on a blitz! The A-Nile-Ators slip out of coverage to defend, and choke up the midfield, but Duke Stywalker dodges out of heavy coverage, nabs the ball, and sends it in a beautifully tight spiral to interrupt the drunken daydreams of Dan Solitaire as he stumbles up the sidelines. Groping for the ball, Dan is shoved roughly out of the way by Nevfer Timid, and the ball is scooped up by Hiss Isis, who tosses it laterally and haphazardly to Sand Witch. Unfortunately it seems the heat, or the fumes off Solitaire, managed to addle Isis' wits as well, and the ball lands near the feet of Duke Stywalker. Solitaire, looking to make up for past misdeeds, dodges into the end-zone, and runs over to Stywalker, who sends the ball into his now-waiting arms for the touchdown! The score is now 2-1 for the Farmboys!

Once again, the humans kick off to the animal aspects, but it appears the heat is not only getting to the players; the referee has apparently passed out around this point from heat exhaustion, and his absence goes unnoticed. This time, the kick lands almost perfectly in the Amazon end-zone, sending Sand Witch scrambling to make up lost yards. After a few frantic moments, Sand Witch lobs the ball off to Hiss Isis, who s quickly surrounded by her feline compatriots, who are in turn surrounded by human blitzers. Attempting to dodge out of coverage, Isis is tripped up and the ball falls free. Seeing his opening, Arnie Dieter shoves away the remaining defenders, grabs the ball, and runs around the tangle of players to reach throwing distance of Dan Solitaire, open and free in the end zone. A perfect pass meets a perfect putz, as Solitaire takes the ball to the head to many jeers from the crowd. Now it is Zaga Zig's turn to repeat the performance, shoving Solitaire out of the way, grabbing the ball, and sending a beautiful pass to her fellow linewoman Grace Quirrel.

Unfortunately, Grace comes quickly under fire, as Duke Stywalker and "The Wedge" Lawson take her down, recover the ball, and shoot off another pass to Dan Solitaire. Solitaire manages to stay on his feet long enough to actually catch the ball this time, and turns to dash for the end-zone, with little resistance. "Porky" Hootkins manages to hit Tefnutella hard enough to send her off for the remainder of the match, and Dan succeeds in evading the remaining Amazons to reach the end-zone, putting the score at a comfortable 3-1 for the Farmboys. The match ends with some brilliant, unheeded coaching, and a bit of a wrestling match until the clock ticked down.

Match MVPs went to Hapi Golucky for her vengeful actions, and Duke Stywalker for his brilliant bit of footwork despite a lousy partner; activities that have seen him promoted to a leadership position on the field. Also of note this match were the impressive blocking abilities of Sand Witch, Zaga Zig, and surprisingly Dan Solitaire, who is apparently being sent in for some therapy and rehab.

Rumble in Razor Hill

Kay Offwrong Reporting for MMBBL sports, on another beautiful day in Razor Hill as the Deadites are in town to clash with the Reigning Spike Tournament Champions. With a whopping 27,094 in attendance with the slight edge for the home team, the two teams took to the field. The weather was perfect for the game and the coin toss was won by the visitors, who elected to kick rather than receive. In a bit of a shocking surprise, Count Luther Von Drakenborg was wearing an official Deadites jersey and took the field to play with the boys from D-Town.

On the Kick off, the orc line took NO time getting things started pushing the Undead line back on their heels. The best hit saw Kolark Bonefist level Torch Boy, and with that Steelfury snatched up the ball and fell in behind a protective wall of orcs. Boomstick the ever Vicious Werewolf made his move and knocked over Orok Deathbane with a powerful hit. Drakenborg decided to get in on the action himself and laid another great hit on Brakgul Bloodsnarl. Line zombie Ramming Speed also tried to get in on the glory, throwing himself into Godan Rockmaul, but the orc just brushed him aside.Torch Boy managed to get to his feet from the jarring hit laid on him by Bonefist just in time to have the black orc send him into the dirt again. At home in the dirt, Torch Boy this time stayed down a little longer. Godan Rockmaul then decided to test his strength against the newest Deadite team member and sent Drakenborg into the pitch to join Torch Boy.

The rest of the orc squad couldn't muster much at the line of scrimmage aside form pushing and grappling, and the Deadites were too busy trying to keep themselves upright to make any surge of their own. But with the line occupied, Steelfury managed to make his way over midfield. Torch Boy and Drakenborg, seeing Steelfury cross into Deadite territory, teamed up together to get a good play on the greenskinned ball carrier. Drakenborg used his starry gaze, lulling Rockmaul into a stupor, thus allowing Torch boy to make a text book blitz on Steelfury. The orc took the hit in stride however and managed to not only stay on his feet, but hang onto the ball as well. Soran Steelfury, enraged at the attempt to knock him over, took his revenge out on wight Henry the Red, whose back was turned to the play while engaged in a grapple with Kiro Stormaxe. With a gut wrenching crunch Henry hit the ground, and Steelfury merely winked at the fallen Deadite as he rumbled down the sideline towards the goal line.

In a last ditch effort to free up some tacklers, Klaatu Nikto attempted to break away from the Spinebreakers big man. However, the rumbly troll Zor Loneblow spotted the crafty ghoul and managed to get his foot in the way to trip him up. More pushing ensued at the line and Steelfury seemed Home free, until Drakenborg earned his paycheck, laying a hit that sent Steelfury flat on his face! The rest of Steelfury's protection caught up to him, and managed to help him out just enough for him to exact some revenge. Struggling to his feet, he punched Varata Nikto in the side of the head, snatched up the ball and dove across the line for the first score of the game!

The following kick off landed deep, in the Deadite endzone, and the two wily ghouls headed back to retrieve the ball. Boomstick laid a solid hit on Rok Straglash as Klaatu Nikto rushed in line behind his brother Varata and Henry the Red. Ramming Speed tried his luck on Borgosh Hellrage, but the black orc tossed him to the ground with one hand and rushed towards the advancing ghouls.The orc line then laid some well placed hits and managed to leave the undead line both dazed and confused. Not a tall task when working with zombies but an accomplishment none the less.

Drakenborg knew that this time he'd have to reassemble the disarrayed zombie line, and made no mistake, shunting the shambling minions into place. With this newly reformed offensive line rushing ahead, Boomstick, riding the crest of this wave of destruction, took out his frustration at Steelfury's earlier display of scoring prowess and sent the blitzer crashing awkwardly into the ground. The hometown fans knew it looked bad and a collective sigh of relief went up when the
news arrived that he had suffered no long-term damage.

The ghouls seemed unstoppable and with time winding down Boomstick tried his luck again, this time lining up Kiro Stormaxe for an attack, but the orc was too much for him and put the wolf on his backside. With that Stormaxe was able to lay a clean hit on Klaatu Nikto, knocking the ball loose. Kiro then picked up the ball and tossed it to a wide open Mok Rawtar. The line orc must have been pre-occupied with the thoughts of touchdown glory, because he dropped the pass, and with that the whistle for halftime blew.

After the break, both teams emerged from the locker rooms and took to the pitch. The kick from the orc squad never looked good and sailed straight out of bounds. The referee decided to fetch the ball from the stands and after a lengthy wait the teams decided to use a replacement until he returned. Again, ghoul runner Klaatu grasped the ball and, as if possessed (which seems probable), he began to glide up the sideline. The struggle on the line picked up right where it left off, but this time things were much more violent. Godan Rockmaul managed a hit on Torch Boy that would sideline him for the rest of the game, and Boomstick shoved Rok Straglash out of bounds, the fans showing the appreciation by knocking out the poor line orc. With this new momentum, the lowly Sword Boy decided to test his might against Borgosh Hellrage. With all his heart and soul - perhaps maybe not the best choice of words...with all his something, anyway - he smacked the massive orc-shaped wall of bricks, sending Hellrage crashing in a heap, in an orc-shaped crater at midfield. Hellrage was in stable condition, but will be out of the lineup for the Spinebreakers next match.

In a last stand defensive effort, Galthuk Battlewail got close enough to Klaatu to strip the ball out of the ghouls hands, and it bounced free on the ground. As Battlewail attempted to pick it up, Boomstick caught him with his head down and sent him to the infirmary, where the Orc would spend the rest of the match. After realizing what had happened, Klaatu continued downfield, scooping up the prize and crossing the line to tie the game.

The Spinebreakers had too many teammates recovering to make a decent offensive drive. So the decided to field goblin Chuck Skudfungus, who's as indecent as they get. On a brilliant kick by the Deadites, Orc Thrower Go'dan Rockmaul fielded the ball and handed off to the tiny boblin, who all but fainted. The young Skudfungus closed his eyes as the talons of Zor Loneblow closed around him, and he soon felt himself soaring through the air! A moment later he opened his eyes to find himself not only alive, but near the endzone to boot! And as quickly as he had been launched into the air, he crossed the goal line giving his team the lead again.

Frustrated, the undead were determined to get their next touchdown quickly. With a decent kick the undead executed excellent placement of their offense on a brilliant quick snap. The ball was snatched up by none other than Klaatu Nikto, who made his way downfield and handed off to wight X Morte Who crossed through the sparse orc defence. The zombie line had no trouble taking care of the few orc defenders, and with a handoff to Boomstick,the speedy werewolf was in
the endzone, and the score was again tied.

Skudfungus' knees were clattering together like like a skeleton in a blizzard, as he took to the field for a second consecutive drive. As he sailed through the air this time, his trip seemed a lot shorter, and as he again opened his eyes he could barely even see the endzone, let alone reach it before certain death. The goblin managed to scramble into some degree of coverage, but the smell of fear was enough for Boomstick to track him down.The ball popped loose and was bobbled around as time ticked away; Skudfungus got to his feet and managed to kick the already downed Henry the Red just as the referee returned from the stands to hear poor Henry's ribs crack. The tiny green hero was tossed from the game and the final whistle blew. The final score was a 2-2 draw, in a dazzling display of necromayhem and goblin gutsiness.

MVPs for the game were Klaatu of the Deadites for obvious reasons, and Mok Rawtar for reasons unknown. Special mention to Skudfungus for managing to not only be productive, but to survive as well.

Rampage Roll Over Lurkers

The dark, humid jungles of Ghetitophmi were the venue for some more MMBBL action this past Thursday, when the Lurkers of Azzilizza hosted the Shattered Plains Rampage at the Citadel of Azzilizza. The dark elves were intent on impressing their revered matron in this first league match, while the Rampage were extremely surly from the uncomfortable cross-continental teleportation process. Much to the Lurkers' dismay, thousands of traveling Lurkers fans had swarmed to their home arena, leading to bizarre cases of the home team actually being booed when the got their hands on the ball. The Rampage won the coin toss, and chose to receive first.

Taking advantage of the moderate case of "Port Lag" that was affecting their beastmen opponents, the Lurkers blitzed on the opening play, with witch elf Inafay Yifana'Ii nearly making it to where the ball eventually touched down. Finally, the Rampage started moving, and to great effect, as the front line of hippos and rhinos plowed steadily forward. Charging madly, leonine berserker Yo-Kamba launched himself at Inafay Yifana'Ii, shoving the witch elf out of play. Fortunately, the elf was caught in the arms of several Lurkers fans, and was carried back to her dugout safely. With extra space to move, hyena thrower Hafsa spotted the nimble Sarabi running up the middle of the pitch, and tossed her a bullet patch which she caught expertly.

The elves began a regroup, but the hustle and bustle of Rampage muscle met them at every turn. While Yo-Kamba set about knocking out anything in a Lurkers uniform, Sarabi made a quick cut back to the outside, leaving a handful of elves in her dust. Line elf Frazz Zufra tried to catch her, but collapsed after taking an awkward step, landing sorely on his head. Zufra was dragged off the field quickly and discreetly, but the parade of pain wasn't about to stop yet. Breaking for the goal line, Sarabi crashed into blitzer Jarlox Oxilljar, catching him square in the neck with the ball's four-inch steel spikes. The force of the impact carried Sarabi and the instantly-dead Oxilljar over the line, and the score was 1-0 for the Rampage.

Bruised but not broken, the Lurkers took to the field once more for their first drive. The roar of the crowd was deafening, particularly when Matron Azzilizza herself stood and showed her favour to the dark elf squad. Inspired, runner Drixit Itixdur fielded the ball and passed it expertly to his counterpart Wistixle Keslestwis. The elf team as a whole then shifted to one side of the field to afford some protection to their runner, and all looked good until Keslestwis fell while trying to get away from a hippo blocker. The ball squirted free awkwardly as he tumbled to the ground. Medical staff took a look at him, and following a brief examination, declared Wistixle Keslestwis dead from heart failure. Enraged, Matron Azzilizza ordered her witch doctors to revive the runner and kill him again, much more slowly, as punishment for not being forthcoming about his precarious medical condition prior to joining the team.

As the confusion abated, the first set of hands to find the ball was that of hippo lineman newcomer Zubeda. With nothing standing in his way thanks to the Rampages' two rhinoceros powerhouses, Zubeda hustled his way into the end zone to make it a two to nothing lead for the Shattered Plains club. The half ended a few moments later, as the next kickoff was more of a formality than anything, and time expired before the Lurkers could mount another attempt.

As the second half started, the dark elves, now reeling from not one but two teammate deaths, took the field against a Rampage squad that was fully awake and had a taste for blood. Fielding the high kick was Drixit Itixdur, as the Rampage players surrounded the nimble elves cautiously. Depleted thought they may be, they were still faster and quicker. With the coverage in place, Yo-Kamba the lion made his blitz against the ball-carrier, but the quick-thinking dark elf dumped the pass off to lineman Shrick'kahn Annikshri and the Lurkers' plans were still in effect. It seemed not meant to be, however, as almost immediately thereafter, Annikshri was leveled by a journeyman hippo who'd been hired on to fill a gap in the line. The ball fell free and was picked up by Zubeda, who had scored once earlier. Wanting, it seemed, to get every species in on the action, Zubeda attempted a handoff to rhino Shenzi, but the play was botched and the ball was recovered by witch elf Melanissa Sanilameh, who hurled it as far as possible back in the other direction, with no apparent target but somewhere away from Rampage players.

Watching the backfield was Hafsa the hyena, and he was quick to make a move for the ball, now resting halfway between the Rampage end zone and the line of scrimmage. Those elves who could move into range ran headlong towards Hafsa as he picked it up, hoping to screen any passing attempt and perhaps pull down an interception. Undeterred, Hafsa hurled the ball in a tight spiral to Ojo the line hippo, who made the catch at midfield and charged forward to hand off to Shenzi for a second attempt. This time the handoff was good, and the big rhino rumbled on down to the end zone to put the game fully out of reach at 3-0.

Receiving the final kick of the game, Drixit Itixdur made no mistake on his pass to blitzer Zanzill Illzizan. With no play left that would yield points with such little time left, the Lurkers were content to hang back and lick their wounds...but the Rampage would have none of it. Putting a final stamp on the game, Banzai the rhino charged into line elf Krrox Roxrrk, dealing significant damage and rendering the poor elf useless for the forseeable future. not a very promising start for the hard-luck Lurkers of Azzilizza, but the MMBBL's other elf team showed that given enough time, there's no telling how big a contender can be made out of any squad.

Match MVP awards were presented to the Lurkers' Zanzill Illzizan, and to Rampage berserker Yo-Kamba. Also worthy of note was the blocking power of Banzai the rhino.

And that brings us to the end of the first week of play in Deathdealer Division! Stay tuned though, because we've got a few challenge matches to report on, and Bloodbath's next week gets underway tomorrow!

Strange Misfortunes Haunt Lesionnaires/Chupacabras Game

The newly renovated (but never fumigated) Linitis Plastica Centre was home to Tuesday night's visit from the Sun Temple Chupacabras. They met their hosts, the Grenedale Lesionnaires, for their first league match of the 2009 Dungeonbowl season. With such a highly rated opponent, the Lesionnaires were offered plenty of inducements, including the services of the dynamic ogre-goblin duo of Brick Fa'rth and Grotty. Could they tip the scales in favour of the Nurgle team, or will the combined might of six saurus and a kroxigor spell a scaly end to the undead hopes?

Winning the coin toss, the Chupacabras chose to receive first. A terrible kick from the Nurgles resulted in a near-catch by saurus Tyrannosaurus Sex, but saurus agility being what it is, he bobbled it. The lizardmen began with Pablo Xtopilopicoatl picking up the ball and heading up the sideline. His handoff attempt to fellow skink Meepo was botched, however, and the ball tumbled into a mess of Chupacabras players. Bizarrely enough, Lesionnaires pestigor Oblivio Demum calmly moved in and retrieved it from where it lay, while the tangled lizardmen could only look on in disbelief.

With the ball in the hands of Demum, the Nurgle line began a push forward, led by infector Hurlbarf Pukescream. The lumbering plague man crashed headlong into saurus blocker Blue Demon, hitting with enough force to send the lizardman off under considerable duress - later on it was revealed that he would miss his next game due to a deep bone bruise. With a good-sized gap in the Chupacabras line, Oblivio Demum and hippo rotter Zazuk were able to cut through and begin a march to the end zone. A desperate hit by Pablo Xtopilopicoatl managed to send the ball bouncing from Demum's grasp, but to the woe of the lizardmen, it bounded right into Zazuk's waiting arms! Onward, Zazuk shambled, halted just before the goal line by Pablo, a surprising deke at the last moment fooled the skink, and Zazuk lurched over the line to count the first point in Lesionnaires history, as well as gaining the lead for his team.

The next kickoff by the Lesionnaires was another abysmal attempt. The kick was shallow to the point of barely getting over the line at all, and after ricocheting off the head of Big Poppa Xtopilopicoatl, bounced back over the line anyway. The drive thus started with the ball in the hands of skink Mondo Xtopilopicoatl, who began to tear up the sideline immediately. Before too long, however, a logjam of pestigors rallied to meat him, and progress was halted as the Chupacabras brought more forces to bear and help push little Mondo through. The Nurgle responded by calling in more muscle on their side, and things stayed at a standstill until a charging Putesco Prosterno forcefully took down Tyrannosaurus Sex, putting the saurus out of commission for the rest of the match. Somehow, the skinks managed to get away from the danger zone and put together the beginnings of a passing play. The presences of both Hurlbarf Pukescream and Zitgore Pusfist put an end to that, as Mondo was distracted to the point of throwing up in his mouth just a little. The pass was wide and fell incomplete, and the Nurgle defense began to close in. The lizardmen did manage to retrieve the ball, but the tying point was lost when Meepo Xtopilopicoatl's pass to a streaking brother Pablo was unsuccessful. With that, the whistle for halftime sounded and the teams hustled into their locker rooms to talk strategy.

To start the second half, the Lesionnaires put up a strong presence on the line of scrimmage, relying on the nimble Grotty to handle the business of fielding the kick. What followed was the beginning of a convincing case against the hiring of star players, as Grotty - agile, nimble Grotty - failed to pick up the football. Nerves? greasy palms? who knows? The Nurgle offense controlled the line, however, and eventually Grotty was able to get ahold of the ball and bring it up to the rest of the team. The bizarre plays kept coming as Big Poppa Xtopilopicoatl, far more lizard than anyone can handle, threw a blitz against the diminutive Grotty...and fell down himself!? Seizing the opportunity like a ten dollar bill inside an amusement park wind booth, the Lesionnaires surrounded the downed kroxigor, with rotter Mort Gasper showing up last in order to kick the fallen giant int he throat. The foul was caught by the refs, but the damage was done. Gasper was tossed for the foul, but Big Poppa was hauled off on a barn door tied to a team of oxen.

Things looked very, very good for the Nurgle, but the game began to unravel for them. Grotty's handoff to the singularly disgusting Zitgore Pusfist was botched, and before you could say "leaping lizards", Pablo Xtopilopicoatl had the ball in his clutches. After fending off the attention of the powerful but slow Pusfist, Pablo cruised down the sideline, away from every Lesionnaire save Oblivio Demum, who had just enough leg to get within grabbing distance. It was clear that Pablo would win that footrace, though, and Brick Fa'rth tried to solve the dilemma by pitching Grotty downfield to land on the skink! His aim was close, and in another reality it might have worked as planned, but instead Grotty landed on Oblivio Demum, thereby taking out his own help. Grotty threw the block on Pablo anyway, but the skink rolled with the punches and sidled further towards the end zone. A few moments later, he was over the line and the match was tied!

With the ball once again being kicked to the Lesionnaires, the Chupacabras decided to play for the tie instead of risking the loss. With their three remaining saurus on the line, six skinks lined up on the goal line, banking on a hard go for whoever felt they could cross the line safely. Bizarrely enough, the lizardmen called for the blitz...and stood absolutely still. Was it some sort of confusion tactic? The nervous Grotty, in any case, was quite confused. His nerves seemed to be acting up again, and his first attempt to rein in that ball failed miserably. So too did his second. Meanwhile, Grotty failed to notice that saurus Reptar the Reprehensible had broken through the Nurgle line and was bearing down on the goblin star. Once more, Grotty failed to accomplish anything and the Lesionnaires were out of time. To make matters worse, Reptar showed up, and as Grotty looked up cautiously to see what was causing the ominous shadow, he was brushed aside like a combover on a windy day. With his last great effort, Reptar pushed his body to the limits to grab the ball from where it lay in the end zone...and couldn't pick it up. The whistle blew and the crowd of 28,000-plus was left gawking in a mix of disappointment and sympathetic embarrassment. The final score was the Lesionnaires one, the Chupacabras one, and Dumb Luck at least seven or eight.

MVPs of this match, if you can call them that, were El Legarto Terrible of the Chupacabras, and rotter/lion Rama of the Lesionnaires. Grotty was run out of town by an angry mob, which was also run out of town by the pursuing Brick Fa'rth.

Skaven Steal One at the Slag Pit

Bryag Mudrake here! We've got a great set of highlights from an epic match between the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts and the Blackwater Bilgerunners, coming to you from the Slag Pits of Durr Dammaz! This is the Dark Iron's first regular season match against the highest rated team in the league, a match vaguely reminiscent of the Skavens' first league match against the infamous Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters. Could the dwarves manage to pull off a better victory? With nearly a million gold in inducements, perhaps they have a shot! To help even the odds, the Dreadnaughts were generously supplied with a number of favors from the MMBBL leadership, including the help of Boomer Eziasson, a portable promotion pitcher, and the halfling wunderchef Dobby Flayed. The scent of beer basting and fondue dishes served well to distract the Bilgerunners, and bolster the Dreadnaughts throughout the match.

A respectable amount of disreputable fans filled the stadium: twenty-three thousand all told, with only a meager edge to the skaven crew in this away game. The Bilgerunners won the toss, and elected to receive the opening kick, and that's when things started to get weird. The opening blocks went like clockwork on a quick snap, with Bors Firehammer knocked unconscious by Stumptail. Fivel Mausketrap grabbed the ball and sent it off to Dingleberry without a problem, but Twinkletoes was butterfingered by the scents from the kitchen, and fumbled the handoff. Boomer seemed set to fire off some T-shirts into the crowed, but that portable promotional pitcher turned out to be more of a muscle-mounted mortar, firing explosives into the thick of the rats and blowing Piddlepaw back on his butt. The carnage continued as Crom Deepforge knocked out Stumptail in revenge, opening up the Skaven defense for Rok Emberfist, who snatched up the ball!

O'Rattigan, the Bilgerunner resident Rat Ogre, noticed the break in the line, and started to charge towards Emberfist, only to crash into the Dwarven defenders. It seemed like Rok Emberfist had a clear path to the goal line, when Eziasson lobbed another grenade to decimate the defenders. What he wasn't expecting was an interception by Piddlepaw! Grabbing the incoming explosive, he quickly hurled it towards the dwarven runners, blowing Emberfist off his feet, and knocking the ball free! Fivel was on the ball in an instant, attempting to throw the ball back to the waiting gutter runners, but distracted by the good cooking and loud explosions, fumbled the ball. Once again the Dreadnaughts were quick to capitalize on the Skavens' errors, as Blitzer Valdak Swifthammer nabbed the ball and once again pushed for the end-zone. With Dwarves deeply into skaven territory now, the Gutter runners panicked and teamed up to throw a desperate block, but failed to get any traction. Instead, Valdak lived up to his family name as he swiftly hammered his way through Dingleberry and pushed through to the goal line! One nothing for the Dreadnaughts... and the Skaven are incredibly worried.

As the two teams squared off for a second kick, once again Boomer Eizasson takes to the field, complete with cannon! It looks like either the Dreadnaughts or the MMBBL promoters have come to a little "agreement" with the referees. Once again the Skaven manage to get a jump on the offense at kick-off, leaping past the line of scrimmage to mess up the Dreadnaughts' day. Fivel swings another completion to Twinkletoes, and the Skaven proceed to open a path in the Dwarven line. The dwarves retaliated by having Zordak Stonesmite knock Gimpy out cold as Boomer launched another round of high explosives into the Bilgerunner line. Stumptail, back from his nap, hit Morinn Grudgebearer hard enough to require apothecary attention, giving Twinkletoes a clear run for the end-zone as explosions pitted the field. Rok Emberfist attempted to crash him into the sidelines, but Twinkletoes repelled his attack, knocking the runner over, and striding unopposed into the endzone for the tying point. A final kick to the Dreadnaughts ended the first half with a little combat on the frontline, but little else of interest.

As the second half began, the scent of gunpowder cleared enough to let the scent of dessert sneak onto the field. Dobby Flayed's cooking once again had the Bilgerunners distracted as they kicked off, but some clever coaching helped to reduce the effects. No-one noticed the return of Boomer's bombs however, until Dingleberry was blown off his feet. Ozgar Blackaxe retrieved the ball, and started the forward march as the front line punched into Bilgerunner defenders. Valdak Swifthammer rose up to put Notchear out of the match and into infirmary, followed by Karlax Ironfoe doing the same to Jenner. Both team members should be returning next game. Unfortunately, while the efforts at center-field were proving fruitful to the dwarves, a few rats had reached Ozgar, and were starting to shove him back towards the dwarven end-zone! Desperate to get the ball downfield, Ozgar attempted to dodge out of coverage for a clear pass, but was knocked over by the surrounding linerats! That's all it took for Piddlepaw to snatch up the ball and run it into the dwarven endzone! The score was now 2-1 for the Bilgerunners!

Once again, the Dreadnaughts received, but a high kick allowed Emberfist to get under the ball. With two of the front-line rodents off the field, the dwarves put up a solid blocking game, Karlax Ironfoe and Garn Flintrock knocking out Gimpy and Brutus, further thinning the ranks. Dwarven coverage was thorough down into the end line, leaving naught but the two gutter runners in deep defense to try and block as Emberfist handed off to Ozgar Blackaxe. The hit was good, but the ball bounced into the waiting hands of Valdak Swifthammer! As the defenders knocked the remaining gutter runners out of the way, Valdak pushed hard for the end-zone, and his second touchdown of the day, tying the score again!

With only a little time left on the clock, and no blitzers left in their roster, it would take a perfect play to win this for the Bilgerunners. As the final kick sailed out of bounds and possession awarded to Fivel, the team managed to pull one last quick snap out of their bag of tricks! That maneuver was just enough to surround Ozgar Blackaxe, the only runner capable of reaching Twinkletoes in time as he caught the pass from Fivel and sprinted up-field. Unable to reach the speedy sprinter, the remaining Dark Irons made due with pounding the Bilgerunners in reach until the sound of the horn marking Twinkletoes' touchdown, and the end of the match. With that came the cheering of the skaven crowd, and a veritable stampede as the Dreadnaughts rushed to the mighty banquet in their honor, no rats allowed!

Final score: 3-2 for the Bilgerunners! An impressive display by both teams, and our congratulations to them both for such an explosive match! Match MVPs go to Bors Firehammer for his work defending his fellow teammates, and Brutus for his ability to stand firm in the face of opposition. Other notable achievements include Twinkletoes' refinement of his catching skills, and Valdak Swifthammer's assistance on a field of combat. That’s all from The Slag Pit! We now return you to regular coverage!

Deadites Outgun A-Nile-Ators in Battle of Expansion Squads

The Drudgetown Deadites saw their strong pre-season play echo in their first regular season match, as they took a 2-1 victory over the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators at Ibisi Arena this past Tuesday.

With the crowd actually favouring the visitors, the matchup was a rainy affair that put the skills of both of these newcomer teams to the test. The first test, however, would be one of strength instead of skill. To start things off, Boomstick the werewolf landed a crushing blow on 'Ators catcher Sun Bern, putting the unfortunate bird-woman out of the match. To follow it up, the zombie known as "Goodie Little Two Shoes" began what may be a career of violent irony, as he savagely kicked at a downed Ibisi linewoman. The officials easily picked up the fouling attempt and Two Shoes was tossed from the match, chased down the entry ramp by the boos of the hometown crowd.

When play resumed, it was the dangerous ghoul runner Klaatu Nikto who pounced on the loose ball, and was soon off and running for the goal line. He'd nearly gotten home free when Tefnutella, cat aspect blitzer, caught up with him and brought Nikto down with a clothesline punch to the back of the head. A great struggle followed as jackals, wights, and even zombies caught up to the scene and began to pound away at their opponents to retrieve the ball. At last, Klaatu Nikto righted himself and grabbed hold of the precious pigskin, at last plowing his way past the remaining A-Nile-Ators defense and putting the first point on the board for the Deadites.

Favourable conditions during the next kickoff would soon settle the score. Upon receiving the ball, the Ibisi squad set about a textbook offensive drive. As blitzers La Mau Meow and Tefnutella burst up the middle of the field through a gap made by the jackals, Sand Witch advanced, scooped up the ball and passed it downfield, reading their routes perfectly. La Mau Meow pulled the ball out of the air smoothly, and before any undead could get close enough, she crossed the goal line and had tied the score! Mere seconds remained in the half, and they ticked away harmlessly before the Deadites could retaliate.

After halftime, things started to get ugly. The rain continued to fall, and the pitch was a mess. The cat-aspect blitzers of the A-Nile-Ators squad hissed with displeasure at the perpetual bath, while the runny, crumbling physiques of the Deadites' zombie linemen were, well, somewhat runnier and crumblier. As the kickoff was launched, both teams seemed content to ignore the point-scoring part of the game and simply lay into each other with stubborn resolve. Perhaps this was all part of the Deadites' plan, because as soon as the various aspects of the Ibisi A-Nile-Ators had been tied up by zombies and wights, werewolf Boomstick made a break for the football and latched onto it like a fat orc child onto a bag of candied halfling noses. Those werewolves sure can move, folks! Boomstick was virtually unstoppable from that point on, and the Deadites had restored their lead with little time remaining.

Try as they might as the final minutes of the second half played out, the A-Nile-Ators couldn't quite bring it back to get the tie. The despicable Deadites shambled into Ibisi Arena and spoiled the inaugural home game for the A-Nile-Ators! We'll see if these two teams' fortunes stay their respective courses, or change like the wind blowing in from the southern deserts.

MVPs for this match were the Deadites' Goody Little Two Shoes for criminal amounts of enthusiasm, and Sand Witch of the 'Aters who played well despite her previously injured ankle. Also of note were Boomstick of the Deadites for his strong blocking technique, and Hapi Golucky of the A-Nile-Aters for similar reasons.

That's the run of the Bloodbath matches in Week 1, folks! Next up, time to see what happens over in Deathdealer Division!

Mummy Bags Two Berserkers Early; Blasters Win on the Road

The third match from Tuesday's Bloodbath Division action saw the Bloodsand Blasters travel from their searing desert home to visit chilly Mjaddersen Skvar Garden to play the host Fjord Rangers. Needless to say, the turnout for the Norse squad was nearly double that of the undead, as historically, the two cultures have very little love for one another. The Blasters were the most experienced squad, and to account for the difference, the Rangers spent a lot of extra time on the practice field beforehand. Optimism abounded among the chilly fans of the Fjord.

That optimism was short-lived, however. As soon as the game was underway, with the Blasters receiving first, mummy Durdurhotep went on an absolute rampage. Making two consecutive blocks up on the line, he managed to injure both of the Rangers' berserkers one after the other! Dag Thoresen was soundly battered to the point of being unable to play out the rest of the game, while Olov Rudberg took some nasty damage to his ribs and is expected to miss the Rangers' next match as well. This near-instantaneous shift in numbers brought about some inspired play from the Blasters' usually suspect offense, with Hork Ptah hurling a pass to Sahket Toomi, who fell in behind a trio of skeletal helpers and shambled his way into the end zone for the opening score.

Down but not out, the Rangers put their own offense to work right away. A strong downfield pass from thrower Niklas Jannson was on-target, but slipped through the hands of runner Gjermund Forssell. It seemed like the Blasters might take advantage of the miscue, but instead they made an error of their own. Blitzer Sheik Yirbouti attempted a block against lineman Valter Franzen, but Franzen simply twisted the skeleton's bony hands until they popped off of his forearms, leaving Yirbouti useless for the rest of the game and almost certainly for another match, given how much time it will take for a specialist to get a look at this ugly case of Vorpal Tunnel Syndrome.

The Rangers weren't able to immediately cash in on this mistake as Jannson couldn't get a decent grip on the ball. Hork Ptah attempted to gain control of it, and succeeded, only to blow the pass to Dusty Tombs. needing to clear some space, ulfwerener Sigvard Hoglund laid out Cal Ciferous and howled to declare that he was open. Seeing the opportunity and managing to focus on the ball over the constant din of rattling bones, Niklas Jannson scrambled for the ball, popped his head and arm out of the pile and lobbed a pass to Hoglund, who charged his way home for the touchdown. Tie game!

Shortly before halftime, the two teams seemed to finally crack under the weight of their mutual dislike. Fouls began to erupt from both sides of the field, though Hork Ptah did manage a quick pass to Cal Ciferous before the whistle blew to end the first period of play.

The bad blood persisted after the break, and all pretense of a good, clean game was dropped as Niklas Jannson fumbled the ball on his first pass attempt. Eventually he got it back and tried another throw, but this time was inaccurate and missed his target by a country mile. Khemri mummy Battering Ramses took no notice, though, as he was too busy kicking and stomping on the Norse linemen. He managed to knock out both Valter Franzen and Jonas Mednick before the referee, approaching cautiously with a bucket of holy water, tossed him out. the damage to the Rangers' line, however, was already done, and the Blasters once again took advantage of the manpower advantage. A pass from Hork Ptah, his third of the game, connected with Cairo Practor, and the skilled skeleton scampered downfield to score.

As time wound down, a few half-hearted boots were dished out, but the game was essentially over. As the final horn blew, the Bloodsand Blasters walked away from Mjaddersen Skvar Garden with their first victory of the season.

MVP awards for this match went to Sahket Toomi, who threw a picture-perfect stiff-arm on his way in for the touchdown, and 9surprisingly) to Olov Rudberg, possibly for getting out while the getting was good. Additional marks go to Rangers' ulfwerener Sigvard Hoglund for his key blocking, as well as to Blasters mummy Durdurhotep for his little rampage early on, and thrower Hork Ptah for completing three passes despite not having any muscles to speak of.

Be sure to join us again soon for Bloodbath's final match report for this week.

Carnosaurs Best Spinebreakers in Possible Bloodbath Playoff Preview

We've got another special report coming your way, sportsfiends! This time it's our newest addition to the reporter stable, Kay Offwrong.

One of the four games on this week's schedule saw the defending champions, the Razor Hill Spinebreakers host a rival expansion team from last season, and a good one at that, the Darkmire Carnosaurs.

Dragon Spine Arena was Packed to near maximum capacity 19,493, with the scaleskins outnumbering the greenskinned home crowd. The coin toss, however, went in favor of the Spinebreakers and naturally they elected to receive the opening kickoff.

As the kick sailed high into the air, the clouds parted and the sun lit up the sky. Naturally the hometown hero, Kiro Stormaxe got his hands on the kick and the drive was underway.

The two biggest and meanest nasties on the field, Grimjaw the Wise and Zor Loneblow spent most of their time on the opening plays staring deeply into each others eyes it what can only be described as some sort of primal staring contest, neither wanting to show any sign of weakness to the other. Realizing that the big fellas were too busy to muster up blocks, Firetongue from the Carnosaurs absolutely demolished Black Orc Kolark Bonefist who, though he is expected to suffer no long term injuries, was unable to return to the match.

Meanwhile the nimble Mok Rawtar broke away from his coverage and came shoulder to shoulder with Kiro Stormaxe, the two then broke away down the sideline into Carnosaur territory.

The added protection of Rawtar wasn't enough to help Kiro when, out from behind the line, came saurus Wildfang who appeared to run straight through Kiro. The ball sailed high into the air, and landed safely in the arms of Swiftclaw.

Black Orc Galthuk Battlewail, upon seeing this, took his shot at Swiftclaw, knocking out the little fellow. As he indulged in his celebration, Daggermaw took a retaliatory shot and sent the black orc packing to join the rest of his teammates on the sideline.

The ball now as safe as it could be in the hands of Pondskipper, who had barely sighed in relief When Orc blitzer Soran Steelfury stripped it from the lightning quick skink and got HIS mitts on it.

As neither team could decide who should have the ball, the line of scrimmage became a war zone. Lashtail engaged in a gecko-roman wrestling clinch with Deathbane, decided he had listened to enough Orc snarling and leveled the orc. After some sideline dental work, which saw the removal of a hand full of saurus scales, A gold plated wristguard, three molars and a live chicken, Deathbane was declared fit to continue.

Out of the pile emerged the dodgey Mok Rawtar, who had decided that enough was enough. Scooping up the ball, he tossed a pass in seemingly one motion. Steelfury, in stride, pulled the ball out of thin air and danced into the endzone virtually untouched. The home town boys were ahead 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half.

Anyone who is anyone knows that skinks are renowned for their speed, and those same anyones also know that Orcs are generally unintelligent, stubborn and forgetful. With merely seconds left in the half the orc kick landed in front of speedy skink Reedrush, Who, looking at the clock, decided it was time to shine. With a wink to the saurus line, they began their all star performance of blocking, setting almost every orc on his behind. With a flash of green and gold and a puff of smoke, as if teleporting through time and space itself, Reedrush appeared a fraction of a second later celebrating in the Orc endzone. With jaws nearly touching the ground and eyes as wide as an ogre's behind, the orc team headed to the locker room to discuss what went wrong. The Carnosaurs joined them in leaving the field after Reedrush received some much deserved team appreciation.

With the score tied 1 all the Orcs were set to kick again. This kick looked good, bouncing mere inches from the orc line. The Spinebreakers decided to stack the right side of the pitch, but the Carnosaurs, cashing in on the forgetfulness of the orcs, are merely did what they did best and simply outran the orcs to the ball. Zipping across to the left side of the pitch, Reedrush handed off to a wide open Pondskipper who walked into the endzone without an orc within sight.

Lots of time remained on the clock, but unsuccessful blocks and a determined saurus defensive line meant that the orcs could barely muster a simple pass before time expired. The Carnosaurs had defeated the reigning champions and solidified their reputation as a top contender for this season's Dungeonbowl Championship.

MVPs of the match were Puddlejumper of the Carnosaurs for his shifty assists, and Rok Straglash who earned the honors simply for showing up.

Special mentions go to Lashtail and Firetongue, saurus blockers, for their strong presences on the line of scrimmage, as well as to skinks Reedrush and Pondskipper for their skilled handiwork throughout the match.

Thanks for that comprehensive and humorous take on the action, Kay! Still more updates to follow!

One-in-a-million Shot Gives Farmboys Last-minute Victory

We go now, live, to Most Likely Swamp Port in Dago's Bog, for our first MMBBL report of the season. With us watching the action is our resourceful skaven correspondent, Bryag Mudrake.

Bryag Mudrake back again, with live coverage from the Dungeonbowl regular season!

It's a beautiful day here in Dago's Bog, where the Stargazin' Farmboys and the Bleakwood Breakers are set to start their official Blood Bowl careers. Both teams suffered some disappointments in the preseason, so the match in the newly minted "Most Likely Swamp Post" Stadium, a re-purposed trapper's market in a dried out field, is going to be a show of heart and rookie skill more than the pre-season brutality we've seen so far. Despite that disappointment, over 19,000 fans have filled the stadium; predominantly humans to root for the home team, but a fair number of Wood Elves have joined the party to see how their new entry in the arena would fare.

The coin is in the air... and the Farmboys win the flip. Looks like they're electing to kick off first! Perhaps they're hoping to get the jump on scoring in the second half. The Breakers and Farmboys take to the field, the kick is off, and it's a Blitz! The Farmboys just blitzed the elves! The burly bruisers have crossed the field and are sending elves crashing to the ground. Still, the kick has landed far back in the enemy territory, and the humans are no match for the graceful elves in raw speed and agility. Elrohir Nolatari has the ball, and sends it hurtling downfield to catcher Tathar Sirfalas. Sirfalas, resembling a startled deer, makes a mad dash for the Farmboys' end-zone. Unfortunately, it looks like he's outstripped his defenders, and the Farmboys have left a couple surprises in the end-zone. Yep, there's Ben-Ken Guinness, who gives Tathar a forceful shove into the crowds for an impromptu autograph session with his field-side fans. Here comes Duke Stywalker, the young thrower for the Farmboys. The ball fairly leaps into his hands, and soars downfield to "Big Sea" Trepiaux. Trepiaux blitzes his way out of coverage, and runs the ball into the end-zone! Touchdown, 1-0 for the Farmboys!

The fans are with the Farmboys today, and a mighty cheer is going up for the human team, giving some heart to this squad of star-struck farmhands. But don't count out the woodland elves just yet! This time, it's a lineman, Camthalion Saralonde in deep coverage that gracefully snatches the ball, and sends it in a perfect parabola towards the Wardancer Cirdan Elensar. As Elensar moves down the sidelines, the flow of play is interrupted by the crash of Belen Telemnar and Bill "Porky" Hootkins collapsing in a pile at midfield! That's enough to give Trepiaux a shot at the Wardancer, and once again, it's into the stands! Unfortunately for Elensar, there were no adoring fans to break his fall, so it's off to the dugout with him until he wakes up.

The Farmboys are setting up some coverage around the ball for the next move, getting it ready for Duke to deliver. But Duke's been distracted! "Hobby" Oldfield goes down on a bad block defending the ball. Seeing the glimmer of hope, Gwindor Felagund and Finrod Celebrindal are off and running! Gwindor goes for the end-zone, and Finrod is heading to the ball! He slides into coverage, dodges free with the ball, and lobs it off to Gwindor! IT'S CAUGHT! The score is now tied at 1!

With the clock running down in the first half, both teams seem to be running low on energy. The elves kick off to the humans, but the ball sails past the end-zone into the stands. Looks like the human coaches have a little something up their sleeve, and the Farmboys manage to scrape up a little more confidence. Perhaps not enough though, as Stywalker sends the ball way off target. The elves move to grab the ball, but once again Beren Telemnar runs afoul of the enemy blitzers, throwing their plans into disarray. Duke has the ball once again, and in the final second of the half, completes a pass to Dan Solitaire, ending the half.

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And we're back! Both teams are taking to the field now, looking rested, refreshed and energized in this next round! It's a tied game here, who knows what could happen? Fortunately for the elves, Elensar is back from his little trip to La-La Land via Spectatorville. Let's see if he can stay out of the crowds this time. Breakers now kicking to the Farmboys, and once again, the crowd is screaming for the home team! Dan Solitaire is heading up along the sidelines, with the blitzers flanking. But once again, Stywalker's aim appears to be as accurate as Imperial Marksmen; about 10 inches over the left shoulder. The Breakers appear to be understanding the limitations of the Farmboys, and are getting much bolder about their nimble coverage; dodging easily out of harm's way to lend vital assists and clog up the avenues of attack for the less nimble humans. Just a moment! Cirdan is yelling out some kind of war-cry... he's making a run for the ball! A spectacular leap over Owen Lard's head and... Oooh, he landed on the ball! That's gotta hurt. That DID hurt, he's out cold again folks! This really isn't Cirden's day.

However, it looks like the elves have really managed to mess up the path of attack for the humans! The path to the end-zone is going to be a slow march through sap to get into position. The humans are muscling the elves out of the way, and Duke once again has the ball! It's off to Solitaire... he's got it! Solitaire trying to dodge out of Tathar Sirfalas' coverage, but he's tackled! HE'S DOWN! Oh, this is a bad one folks, looks like he's unable to get back up. It's off to the injury ward for the rest of this match with Dan Solitaire. He might have been a hot-shot smuggler back in the day, but his record lately has been banter fodder for the sportscasters.

The wood elves are picking up on the miscue quickly, pulling their men out to form a turtle formation in the middle of their zone. Elrohir Nolatari slides past the divot made by Solitaire to grab the ball, then tosses it to Finrod Celebrindal, who is quickly flanked by his teammates at the far end of a large wedge formation. The Farmboys have shoved another of the line-elves into the crowd, and are surrounding the pyramid now. It looks like they aren't willing to punch into such dense coverage yet, lest their quarry get away. And the elves are moving! Lashing out with heretofore unseen ferocity, they're striking out at the humans, and pushing them away from coverage. And Finrod is free! He's halfway into the Farmboys' side of the field already! Man, that's one fast elf! It looks like he's not quite far enough from human defense though... two of the linemen are on their way, looks like Lawson and Hagan... And it's a no-go! The slippery fella is free from coverage, and within reach of the endzone. A few of the other elves are trying to et into coverage, but Olwe Nenharma's gone down! That distraction's all Lawson and Hagan need... and BOOM! Finrod is down as well! The ball is loose!

Duke Stywalker is running for it now. He's firing off a long pass to Bruce Lard behind the remains of the elven defensive shell. HE MISSES! It's off by a mile! Tathar Sirfalas is going for the ball, scoops it up, and just keeps running! Elrohir's moving to the line of scrimmage, and receives the pass from Sirfalas! Oh! Beren Telemnar is down again! Time is ticking down on the clock, and it's still anyone's game! Elves have control of the ball at midfield, Finrod's still within range of the end-zone, and the Farmboys are moving into position! It looks like a couple of the linemen have dashed for the end-zone in the hopes of a miracle! And here comes the pain! "Big Sea" Trepiaux crashes hard into Elrohir, and grabs the ball. He pivots, LONG BOMB off to Hobby in the end-zone... AND HE CATCHES IT! I DON"T BELIEVE IT! "Hobby" Oldfield has caught the ball, and it's a touchdown! 2-1 in the final seconds of the game for the Stargazing Farmboys! Great shot kid, that was one in... a really big number!

A well-deserved MVP goes to Finrod Celebrindal for dealing with enemy blocks in his courageous dashes to the endzone, and a less-deserved MVP goes to Bill "Porky" Hootkins for demonstrating some unexpectedly numble dodging abilities. In addition, recognition of Carl Trepiaux's ability to protect teammates in the depths of coverage, and Duke Stywalker's amazing speed must be noted. Thanks for tuning in tonight folks! I'll have more next week, with the Blackwater Bilgerunners facing off against the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts!

Thanks for that enthusiastic report, Bryag! Up next will be a report from our newest correspondent, Kay Offwrong.

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 4: Deathdealer Division

And now that Bloodbath has had its due, it's Deathdealer's turn!



The Blackwater Bilgerunners, despite some rough patches in the playoffs, remain one of the top teams in the history of the MMBBL. Built around blinding speed and great skill, they've managed to pack on a few pounds and become the model of resilience in a league that gets frequent customer points at the local funeral home. Led by the sharp direction of quarterback Fivel Mausketrap, the skaven want nothing less than total victory this season. As blitzer Jenner puts it, "It's time to separate the mice from the men - with the mice on top!"

Coached by: Jon Roth. Arena Rule: It's Coming Down!: When rolling on the weather table, a roll of 10-11 is considered pouring rain.


The Chupacabras are responsible for a lot of good MMBBL press in parts of the world which otherwise would have no clue it even existed. A team composed of high-flying luchadors, masked marvels and caped conquistadors, their electrifying play has enthralled lizard and man alike. The Chupacabras do want to win, for hoisting the Dungeonbowl trophy would be as great to them as donning the championship belt. Still, they remain committed to their humble roots, and remember that they are playing not just for themselves, says saurus El Mucho Grande, but also for "the lizard niños, who everyday watch us and say "I wish to be the great Bludbol player like them, papa! It is for their sake that we strive for the greatness."

Coached by: Sandy Miller. Arena Rule: Ceremonial Prisms: When rolling on the weather table, a result of 3-4 is treated as Very Sunny.


From the wild, wide-open spaces of Gontufar come the Rampage, driven by instinct to play a game with primal implications. Despite the loss of a few players from unpleasant circumstances during Blood Bowl Day, their ferocity is not diminished in the slightest. Competition is second nature to these belligerent beasts, and as berserker Yo-Kamba likes to say, "in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion kicks your ass!" A weeee, um um away, indeed.

Coached by: Ryan Keizer. Arena Rule: Stampede: During a player's turn, if that player performs a blitz action which results in an opponent taking a casualty, the blitzing player may make a second blitz action this turn. This is not cumulative.

Serving their enigmatic matron, Azzilizza herself, in her jungle citadel, the Lurkers are a combination of her thirst for violence, her desire to prove her people superior to others, and of course, her occasional focus on royal whims and fancies. The lurkers themselves, for their part, are unflinchingly loyal and coolly resolved to prove their prowess on the pitch. Witch Elf Melanissa Sanilameh is quite clear when she says, "Victory is the Matron's will, and the Matron's will is law!" I'd stay out of her way, folks.

Coached by: Chris Mudd. Arena Rule: Matron's Favour: When the result on the kickoff table is either Cheering Fans or Brilliant Coaching, flip a coin, with the receiving team calling it in the air. Whoever wins the coin toss may double his or her die roll result for this kickoff.

With dwarves, it's not all about gold, and mines, and booze. Okay, yes, it is, but with the Dark Iron Dreadnaughts from Durr Dammaz, it's also about grudges. Grudges held so long by so many that they're worn down to dust that's been breathed in by the deep-dwellers for countless generations. Stubborn even by dwarf standards, the Dreadnaughts come from a life of underground warfare - they live in the deep mountains, under surface territory claimed by the orc tribes. Their leaders, in an effort to divert the most troubled, dangerous dwarves to constructive uses of time, formed the Dreadnaughts as a way to show dwarven dominance without bringing the mountain down around their ears. Runner Ozgar Blackaxe sees it a little differently, though. "We win all the time, underground. Blood Bowl, closer as it is to the damnable sun, shows us our enemies' strengths on their own turf...as well as their weaknesses."

Coached by: Jai Gagnon. Arena Rule: Stone Floor: When the ball bounces on the ground, it bounces one additional time.



While nearly all of the county of Murdska was ravaged by plagues of undeath, Grenedale (formerly Greendale) arguably got the worst and weirdest of it. For most beings, undeath is something bad that happens after you die. For the Lesionnaires and their folk, it was something that came in like wisdom teeth. The most disturbing part might be the lack of pain - like lepers, they simply lose all feeling in the walking shells their bodies have become. Actually, the most disturbing part is probably how they carry on as if nothing happened, living, working, playing Blood Bowl...No, wait, the most disturbing part is when their eyeballs randomly explode. Yuck. In the words of rotter Filth Collins, "I can feel it...coming in the air tonight. Oh, lord, and I've been waiting for this moment all my life!" Quite the enthusiasm from someone caked in an inch of refuse!

Coached by: Matt Stroud. Arena Rule: Leaving your Mark: If a player is killed, the team whose player got the casualty point for that kill gains a cumulative +1 to their FAME for the remainder of the match.


And there you have it! Fourteen teams in two divisions making for the biggest, meanest MMBBL lineup to date! Tomorrow the regular season kicks off with Bloodbath Division's first round of hostilities! See you there, sportsfiends!

Dungeonbowl Ramp-Up part 3: Bloodbath Division

Another season arrives, and the MMBBL gets a shuffling of teams once more. Some brand new, some returning from hiatus. Eight of these teams call Bloodbath Division their home, and we're about to meet them!


What still needs to be said about the Razor Hill Spinebreakers and their cinderella season? Coming out of the Scrabbled Lands, this band of tough-as-nails greenskins ploughed their way through the playoffs, knocking off lizards, humans and at last elves to capture their first championship. Led by the iron will of blitzer Kiro Stormaxe, the Spinebreakers look forward to defending their title this Winter. Stormaxe was heard to comment, "Da plan is da same. Play, win, repeat. If our game ain't broke, we don't fix it. If dem other teams' games ain't broke, we ain't got to 'em yet!"

Coached by Ryan Keizer. Arena rule: Dragon Egg: When a player fails to pick up the ball or is knocked down onto the ball, make an armour check on that player. If it breaks through, roll on the injury table, treating serious injuries as knockouts.

The Carnosaurs, after a disappointing playoff exit, are back and looking for a little revenge. Entering the new season with the third-highest team rating, these scaly scoundrels are primed to surpass their previous effort and make their run at the championship. Reporters attempted to get a statement from the immense Grimjaw the Wise, who, after taking several minutes to consider his response, uprooted a tree and threw it seventy yards into a concessions stand.

Coached by Jai Gagnon. Arena Rule: Bogged Down: Players may Go For It one less time than normal.

The surprise of the Summer season has returned! The squad that at first was unfamiliar with the very concept of scoring is back to educate the rest of the league on the rougher points of the game. Rumour has it that the Blasters did, in fact, show up for Blood Bowl Day, but no one wanted anything to do with them! When asked for comment, skeleton Cal Ciferous said "they know what's coming, but they only delayed the inevitable!". A team several thousand years old probably knows all about inevitability.

Coached by Matt Stroud. Arena Rule: Rock Solid: If a player is pushed out of bounds, the injury results in a knockout on a roll of 6-9, as opposed to the usual 8-9.


(ART NOT FINAL)

The Bleakwood Breakers hail from the elven realm of Mathora Mista, where they have honed their Blood Bowl skills since times of mist-fogged history. They played only once on Blood Bowl Day, and thusly remain an unknown factor, which is likely all a part of their plans. Thrower Elrohir Nolatari, when interviewed, left no room for interpretation of the Breakers' sentiments, stating that "this great sport has been sullied by artless brutes - undead monstrosities, vulgar orcs, dirty, smelly dwarves, and all manner of undesirable untalents. The Bleakwood Breakers will return a sense of class to the field."

Coached by Andrew Embury. Arena Rule: Stubborn Treant: At the start of each half, the kicking team places a Treant token on the pitch, along the line of scrimmage. This 2 x 2 token blocks line of sight and stops any pass scattering through it. it may not be pushed or displaced until the start of a new half or overtime period.

Taking a break from the usual shambling, moaning and generally being undead, the Deadites bring a quick, versatile offense to the division. Their prowess was evident early on Blood Bowl Day, as the impressive ghoul runner Klaatu Nikto ran for four touchdowns. A slight setback came in the loss of werewolf Come Get Some, but the remaining players, most of whom have such sketchy memories that they don't have actual names themselves, are committed to showing what necromancy can do when it puts what's left of its minds to it. Says wight blocker X Morte, "I'll swallow your soul!" Now that's enthusiasm, folks!

Coached by: Neil Davies Arena Rule: The Ball is Live!: Whenever a player attempts to pick up the ball, he or she must throw a block against it first. The ball has no skills and a strength of 1. If the result of the block knocks the ball down, it can then be picked up. If the result is a push, the ball scatters randomly. After a push result, the player may advance and try to block it again, if he or she has sufficient movement allowance remaining. These actions do not count as a blitz, but may be used as part of a blitz move.



Hailing from picturesque Koldnjard, the Fjord Rangers are a rowdy, enthusiastic sort. Fearless in the face of adversity, their lone Blood Bowl Day match was against the well-established Sun Temple Chupacabras. Their skilled, smash-mouth play style brought them a great deal of praise, and the MMBBL fandom in general is looking forward to seeing them take the pitch this week. Dag Thoresen, berserker and battle axe collector, spoke on behalf of his teammates. "Ja, ve gut sum gut expeeryence tuday. Ve ull jest vant tu git der seasun untervay und show wut ve can du." Truer, more ethnically convoluted words were never spoken.

Coached by: James Richards. Arena Rule: An Inspiration to us all: Whenever a player is seriously injured, that player's team gains a reroll token.

The A-Nile-Ators' origins are somewhat mysterious - all-female (a first for the MMBBL, which is a progressive, equal opportunity league) and also, composed entirely of animal aspects. From the lush, fertile lands surrounding the city of Ibisi, this nimble squad of femmes fatales may be too much for the monosyllabic menfolk to handle! According to the interestingly-named thrower La Nuclear Turnip, "we are prepared to let our skill do the talking. We are strong, proud, and capable of internal validation...though if someone told me that this sarong looked good on me I wouldn't mind."

Coached by: Valérie Cormier. Arena Rule: Land of Milk and Honey: Whenever a player is rolling to wake up from a knockout, add 1 to the roll.

Seventy-two years ago, in a swamp about a week away, the town of Dago's Bog was founded. It's chief exports have always been squash, peat and communicable disease, but now they're adding "Blood Bowl Action!" to that list. In a town filled with folk with more upper body muscles than brain cells and less scruples than a doppelganger in a beauty pageant, it would have been easy to assemble a group of thugs to play the game. Not so with the Farmboys, whose name in fact speaks of their character. The local government, hoping to improve their town's reputation, has selected their hardest-working, most starry-eyed young lads to bring an honest day's work to a town which views honesty as a four-letter word. As lineman Bill "Porky" Hootkins says, "I've got a problem here. No, no, no, I'm alright, I'm alright." Very laid back. Very professional!

Coached by: Jon Roth. Arena Rule: Scum and Villainy: When calculating inducements at the start of the game, each player may pay 100k to hire a "bounty hunter". A Bounty Hunter is a human lineman with the following abilities: Loner, Dirty Player, and Stab.

And that's Bloodbath Division this season! Check back again soon for Deathdealer's big mean six!